friend or foe - Jezebel

posts about #friendorfoe more →
Roofied Letter-Writer Tells Off Advice Columnist
Advice Columnist Doesn't Know What Roofies Are For
Relying On Friends: How Much Is Too Much?
Advice On Advice: Rating Internet Advice Columns
Are All Female Friends Really Frenemies?

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18thfloor
10/16/09

In reply to Roofied Letter-Writer Tells Off Advice Columnist
The comments on that thread make me want to punch Santa Clause. #lucindarosenfeld
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LBB
10/16/09

In reply to Roofied Letter-Writer Tells Off Advice Columnist
Apparently someone did what I considered and sent the original letter to Sarah over at Tomato Nation. Interesting response, and discussion in the accompanying comments: [tomatonation.com] #lucindarosenfeld
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sangmo
10/16/09

In reply to Roofied Letter-Writer Tells Off Advice Columnist
"P.S. The day I rely more on a boyfriend than on a best girlfriend is the day I lose hope for womankind."

Amen to that! And Rosenfeld needs to be fired as an advice columnist. She clearly causes harm with he ignorance. #lucindarosenfeld
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ZombieApocalypse
10/16/09

In reply to Roofied Letter-Writer Tells Off Advice Columnist
I would never have friends, male or female, that I couldn't rely on when I needed help. It sucks that this girl had such friends but it sounds like she is too strong and smart to be close with them anymore. Hard thing to do, bravo! #lucindarosenfeld
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dirtybee
10/16/09

In reply to Relying On Friends: How Much Is Too Much?
My best friend took me to the hospital in the middle of the night during my worst cutting period - no questions asked. I did the same for her when she almost burned her apartment down. I was lucky in that aspect, that no matter what she would be there for me and I the same.

She just got married - does this mean I'm screwed? I really hope not. #friendship
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Aesop's Foibles. YES.
10/16/09

In reply to Roofied Letter-Writer Tells Off Advice Columnist
Oh yeah! I read this this morning. I was really impressed with the restraint she showed. I'd be all profane and noisome, had someone treated me that way. And the further I got in to her reasoned response, the more I could picture Lucinda, like, glowering at her desk, cursing under her breath and refusing to come out of her office or take anyone's phone calls. Pouting, basically. That image made me smile, as did the letter-writers' last sentence. Awesome. Well done, lady!! #lucindarosenfeld
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wtfox?!
10/16/09

@Aesop's Foibles. YES.: Aaaah, that makes me smile too. For some reason, picturing adults flouncing and pouting like five-year-olds amuses me to no end. #lucindarosenfeld
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Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd)
10/16/09

In reply to Roofied Letter-Writer Tells Off Advice Columnist
This woman sounds smart and awesome. Hey, I'll be your friend. #lucindarosenfeld
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formergr
10/16/09

In reply to Roofied Letter-Writer Tells Off Advice Columnist
I wonder if her "friends" have heard about all this and figured out they are the ones in the story. #lucindarosenfeld
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Treeless
10/16/09

@formergr: I think the letter-writer should mail it to them as part of her kiss-off ceremony. #lucindarosenfeld
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LBB
10/16/09

@formergr: I bet they have, but I will bet ANYTHING that they still think they're in the right. #lucindarosenfeld
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braak
10/16/09

In reply to Relying On Friends: How Much Is Too Much?
What...what kind of insane bullshit is that? I would pick up ANY of my friends in the middle of the night if they needed it, whether or not they'd been roofied. But, obviously, if they've been fucking DRUGGED...

Jesus Christ, who the fuck are these people?

Now I'm worried, though, that maybe I can't rely on my friends to pick me up if it's the middle of the night and I've been drugged, and they're in their "beddie-byes". (Jesus CHRIST. Really? You're prioritizing your comfort over your friend's actual wellbeing?)

Is this an epidemic problem, or am I some kind of lunatic? #friendship
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LovelyHue
10/16/09

In reply to Roofied Letter-Writer Tells Off Advice Columnist
Ugh. After reading the whole letter, I'm even more horrified at the friends. I mean, are they in high school? They were angry because she DANCED with a boy one of them liked? So angry that their anger continued even once it had become apparent that someone roofied her? How childish do you have to be?
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wtfox?! promoted this comment Edited by LovelyHue at 10/16/09 12:53 PM LovelyHue was starred LovelyHue was unstarred

wtfox?!
10/16/09

@LovelyHue: I know, right? I mean, I know there are Rules about relationships and friendships that go beyond high school, but these are (by the writer's description) mature, professional women. NO EXCUSE for the toxicity, whatsoever, especially when it results in leaving your "friend" behind. #lucindarosenfeld
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whynotshesaid
10/16/09

@LovelyHue: That is some seventh-grade shit right there. I hope the LW decides to make some new friends, because what they did to her is beyond unconscionable. #lucindarosenfeld
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Ipomoea
10/16/09

@LovelyHue: I hate to say it, but I'm almost 30 and that's behavior I've seen in equal-aged acquaintances. Assholery knows no age limits. #lucindarosenfeld
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JoaquinPhoenix's Hairstylist
10/16/09

@LovelyHue: Its scary. If my friend slept with my crush...I STILL would pick her up from a hospital after she recovered from roofies!!!! WTF? She is my friend! #lucindarosenfeld
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LovelyHue
10/16/09

@Ipomoea: What bothers me about these situations is that girls always blame each other, instead of the guy. Ignoring the fact that we're not fifth-graders and D-A-N-C-I-N-G does not equal marriage and a baby carriage, how do they know that the guy didn't come up to dance with her? I've had way more guys ask me to dance at clubs and concerts than the other way around.

I hate it when a guy flirts with a girl and all the girl does is not slam him down, and suddenly SHE'S at fault in girl circles. It's like LOGIC FAIL.

So yeah, it makes me sad that some people never grow out of that.
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Edited by LovelyHue at 10/16/09 2:50 PM LovelyHue was starred LovelyHue was unstarred

Hiroine Protagonist
10/16/09

@LovelyHue: I get the sense they are in their very early twenties. #lucindarosenfeld
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Sputnik_Sweetheart
10/16/09

In reply to Roofied Letter-Writer Tells Off Advice Columnist
I just read the whole letter (as much as I hate to click over to Double X) and it was a thing of art. I don't even know who this woman is, but I'm so proud to see her stand up for herself against a bully and cut herself off from poisonous "friends." #lucindarosenfeld
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Zombie Ms. Skittles
10/16/09

@Sputnik_Sweetheart: Seriously, her friends sound like bitches. Stone bitches. They ditched her because she was drugged by a stranger and in her roofied up stupor danced with someone?

Fuck y'all! #lucindarosenfeld
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gherkinfiend
10/16/09

@Sputnik_Sweetheart: She also managed to put Lucinda Rosenfeld in the her place nicely, without resorting to judgement or insinuation like Rosenfeld did in the first instance.

All in all, it was a much better piece of writing than anything Rosenfeld has managed this week. Well done her! #lucindarosenfeld
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formergr
10/16/09

@Sputnik_Sweetheart: It really is a good letter, and I just want to hug her and say, "Good for you!"

And I totally relate to her realization that it in hindsight it was clear their close friendship had dissipated a long time ago, and perhaps they were still hanging out because it was just easier than breaking apart and forging new friendships. #lucindarosenfeld
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BeckySharper
10/16/09

@Zombie Ms. Skittles: Co-sign. Although Lucinda didn't seem to think anything was wrong with their behavior. If I were Lucinda's friend I'd be thinking long and hard about the implications of that. #lucindarosenfeld
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lalaland13
10/16/09

@Sputnik_Sweetheart: I think she should take over the damn advice column. Although I don't think "Friend or Foe" is a good title or focus.

But yes that was brave and brilliant. And those friends are terrible. #lucindarosenfeld
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girl.of.your.dreams
10/16/09

@Sputnik_Sweetheart: I'm really proud of her, too. She was betrayed by her friends and then publicly betrayed again by a perfect stranger, and she handled it like a superstar, without ever sinking to the level of the columnist or her so-called friends. Bravo. #lucindarosenfeld
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Mary McCarthyite
10/16/09

In reply to Roofied Letter-Writer Tells Off Advice Columnist
Oooh, look who got told! #lucindarosenfeld
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wtfox?!
10/16/09

Oh snap!
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Edited by wtfox?! at 10/16/09 12:46 PM wtfox?! was starred wtfox?! was unstarred

spunkay
10/16/09

@Mary McCarthyite: #lucindarosenfeld
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jigglyball
10/16/09

@wtfox?!: I think we should also invite Oh Snap's cousin, Oooh Burn, to the party. #lucindarosenfeld
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stacyinbean
10/16/09

@wtfox?!: #ohsnap #lucindarosenfeld
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drinkwater
10/14/09

In reply to Advice Columnist Doesn't Know What Roofies Are For
This is not the world I want to live in.

I have long felt that our society is becoming more isolating and selfish. And now with people like Rosenfeld getting awarded book deals and advice columns, we are making that selfishness an official part of the cultural milieu.

Shouldn't advice columns lift us up? Hold us to a higher standard of living? If I wanted to hear sermons preaching selfishness I would have stayed in the legal profession.

Her attitude is indicative of a much bigger problem. It's not just about friendship. I strongly believe that our society cannot survive as a loose association of self-interested amoralists. Due to decreasing resources combined with increasing populations we need to act collectively. I can't imagine what a world full of Lucinda Rosenfelds would come to. Probably Thunderdome.

I realize that sounds like a vast overstatement. But I really believe it!
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LBB promoted this comment Edited by drinkwater at 10/14/09 3:51 PM drinkwater was starred drinkwater was unstarred

samethingwedoeverynightpinky
10/14/09

In reply to Advice Columnist Doesn't Know What Roofies Are For
This apology makes me feel a little sorry for Lucinda Rosenfeld. there's no excuse for not having a clue what roofies are used for, but this woman obviously has really shitty friends, and doesn't know that many decent people, if she assumes that most of the world wouldn't get out of bed at 4 am to come pick a friend up from the er. The last time I had to go to the er in the middle of the night, for a non life threatening issue, not only did all three of my close friends living in the area offer to come get me whenever, one of my former *students* heard from another professor that I had gone to the er, and called offering to pick me up. Really, Lucinda, the world is not full of selfish assholes, I promise.
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carinamarie
10/14/09

In reply to Advice Columnist Doesn't Know What Roofies Are For
she writes this in her "apology":

I know many of us assume we would jump out of bed after that call. But how many of you would actually, honestly get out of bed and get dressed at 4 a.m. and drive to the hospital to keep your close friend company while she recovered?

show of hands?
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limber
10/14/09

@carinamarie: The weird thing is, the way she phrases it is like she thinks she's scoring a point. Especially the "if you're being honest with yourself" dig. The hell?! Does she think we don't have instances at hand to disprove her?

I've done it. Three times, two different countries, and once I wasn't even a close friend, I was a friend of a friend who just happened to have the day off. All you have to think of is how horrible being marooned alone in the hospital for a minor injury can be, never mind something traumatic.

I hope all of the columnist's friends adjust their expectations of her accordingly: if in need, don't call this lady, she's not interested.
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Where The Mild Things Are
10/14/09

@carinamarie: I would.

Also, it was her "frantic phone call" from the street that really irked me. Your friend has been drugged, wakes up on the street confused and afraid? Even if they weren't drugged but just drunk and dumb, I honestly would get up for that. Hospitals - of course.
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sybann
10/14/09

@carinamarie: I would never have left her. Not for Clooney or Pitt or Clooney AND PITT.
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boxspelunker
10/14/09

@carinamarie: *hand is up*

And anyone who would refuse is a shitty friend, "honestly".

*barring really good reasons, like you're drunk and cannot drive, puking your guts out, or something.
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Edited by boxspelunker at 10/14/09 4:49 PM boxspelunker was starred boxspelunker was unstarred

girl.of.your.dreams
10/14/09

@carinamarie: I found her assumption that people WOULDN'T do this so sad. Not only would I do it for a close friend, I'd do it for a not-close friend. Or a friend of a friend. Or a stranger. And not because I'm a saint. Because I'm a human being.
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carinamarie
10/15/09

@limber: "I hope all of the columnist's friends adjust their expectations of her accordingly: if in need, don't call this lady, she's not interested."

totally, she couldn't have chosen a bigger platform than her own column to broadcast her shortcomings as a friend. #lucindarosenfeld
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carinamarie
10/15/09

@Where The Mild Things Are: someone, anyone crying on the phone for any reason gets me out of bed.

mention hospitals and drugs and cops, i'm in my car. #lucindarosenfeld
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