Jacques and Julia was a bizarre and inspired combination: him, long-suffering and patient and oh-so-French; Julia, completely un-self-conscious and batty. Almost every episode featured various skirmishes over proper procedure, and here's an awesome clip reel of some of the best.

Julia & Jacques Cooking at Home - Series Highlights [YouTube]

P.S. Just for kicks - or the totally baffled equivalent thereof - check out this beyond-odd interview.

On previous dates, we've seen Sebastian's whole French schtick work like a charm on other high school girls. But it turns out that he knows only a few phrases. While trying to impress the senior he was out to dinner with, he ended up just looking like a giant idiot asshole when he learned that she not only was more fluent than he, but that she actually lived in country. (His "insider" knowledge about Paris is limited to having seen the Mona Lisa at the Louvre.)

[Gaza City, June 11. Image via Getty]

Palestinian Eman Madi, 25, poses in front of paintings by Palestinian artists at the Al-Qattan centre in Gaza City on June 11, 2009. Eman, a fresh graduate in Gaza, is fluent in French and is volunteering as a youth educator at the centre for a program in cooperation with the French Cultural Centre in Gaza City where children are welcome to learn French and take part in other educational activities offered at the centre during the summer holidays. The Al-Qattan Charitable Trust (Guernsey) was set up by a Palestinian, Abdul Mohsen al-Qattan, to fund educational and cultural projects in the Arab world with a special focus on the Palestinian Territories. AFP PHOTO/MARCO LONGARI (Photo credit should read MARCO LONGARI/AFP/Getty Images)

The Countess corrected Martha when Martha accidentally said "flour" instead of "sugar, "and When Martha asked the Countess if she wanted to help, the Countess said something like she hadn't touched kitchen utensils in 26 years. But Martha and the Countess seemed to bond when the Countess proclaimed, "To give directions is very difficult." Martha agreed: "I'd rather do it myself," she enthused. The woman knows she is a control freak! Clip at left.

Earlier: Rufus Wainwright & Family Bring Holiday Song, Sweaters To Martha Stewart
Snoop Dogg Gets It Crack-A-Lackin With Martha Stewart
Martha Stewart & Jane Goodall's Goofy Gorilla Greetings Sound Like Crazy Sex
Was Kathleen Turner Soused On Martha Stewart?
Martha Stewart Has Never Heard Of Bong Water (Amy Sedaris Appearance)

Once upon a time... from Capucha on Vimeo.

• John Mayer on his breakup with Jen Aniston: "There's no lying, there's no cheating, there's no nothing. Jennifer Aniston is the smartest, most sophisticated person I think I have ever met. People are different, people have different chemistry. I ended a relationship to be alone, because I don't want to waste somebody's time if something's not right." Hmm, does Mayer The Player have commitmentphobia? [People, UPI]
• John Mayer also says: "I'm sorry that the story's not interesting. But it's about time that somebody stands up for that girl and I think she's great." [OK!]
• Um, there's also video of John making these statements. He actually seems emotional. [TMZ]
• Okay, this report says that though they're going through a rocky time, John and Jen are not over. Then again, it also claims that "the birth of the Brangelina twins has got her down." Ugh. [The Sun]
• This report says that money was an issue with Jen and John. "Jen was tired of paying for everything," says a source. "Cobwebs come flying out of (Mayer's) wallet when he opens it. John liked living like a movie star when he was with her. Jen would never say anything, but you could tell it irritated her." [MSNBC]
• Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi tied the knot! The private ceremony took place at their home in Los Angeles. There were 19 guests, including both of their mothers. [Yahoo News]

• Ellen and Portia both wore Zac Posen. They exchanged rings by Neil Lane. The couple said handwritten vows. Sniff. [People]
• Oooh, you can see Portia's fluffy pink dress here. A source called it a "Cinderella tutu." [Us]
• A crowd of 6,000 people gathered on Chicago's South Side to remember Bernie Mac on Saturday. Samuel L. Jackson spoke at the church and said: "He never turned that kid down for an autograph. He always had time to shake a hand. He was always that kid from Chicago who wanted to make everybody happy and everybody laugh." [CNN]
• Meanwhile, a Presbyterian Church in Memphis is being criticized for holding a memorial for Scientologist Isaac Hayes. [UPI]
• Madonna's 50th birthday was Saturday. She spent the day praying at the Kabbalah center before hitting a London nightclub. [Mirror]
• In other news, doesn't look like Madonna will be adopting that little girl in Malawi. Although we'll surely hear something different tomorrow. [The Sun]
• Meanwhile: Guy Ritchie's script adviser has been charged with possessing more than £100,000 worth of cocaine and cannabis. At least he knows his stuff. [Daily Mail]
• Tyra Banks kept her audience waiting for two hours for a taping of "Celebrating Black Models, Past, Present and Future" while she was backstage "giggling, snacking and chatting with the crew." At the end of the show, Tyra and some other models released black balloons, which, as we all know, kill sea life. Anyway, a source says the whole show was "self-indulgent, narcissistic crap." [Page Six]
• Phil Collins has divorced third wife Orianne Cevey after six years of marriage and two children. He's paid her £25 million, more than Paul McCartney gave Heather Mills. [Mirror]
• Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe suffers from dyspraxia, a neurological problem which impairs movement. His spokesperson says his condition is mild and "at worst manifests itself in an inability to tie his shoe laces and bad handwriting." [Daily Mail]
• Courtenay Semel is spilling details about her relationship with Lindsay Lohan: "Everyone thinks Samantha is Lindsay’s first lesbian love, but we were very passionate until her fear of being found out drove us apart," she says. Apparently Courtnenay and LL would do lines of coke, then go home and "fall into bed together." You know, Star was on to LL's "roomate" Courtenay months ago! [News Of The World]
• Courtenay also claims that Lindsay slept with a bunch of dudes to suppress her lesbian urges. [The Sun]
• Was Peaches Geldof's quickie Vegas wedding a publicity stunt for the groom's rock band? The group, Chester French, was unknown in the UK before the wedding; now they have five gigs: Sheffield tomorrow night, followed by Birmingham, Manchester, Edinburgh and London. [Mirror]
• Peaches has gone to visit her father, who will surely quiz her about what the hell is going on. [The Sun]
• By the by, Peaches' new hubs doesn't know who Sir Bob Geldof is, so that should go over well. [Mirror]
• Oh, dear. There's a picture of Peaches licking the face of Mark The Cobrasnake. [Daily Mail]
• Did Peaches get married because she was depressed? Is she still scarred from the death of her mother eight years ago? [The Sun]
• Amy Winehouse has become obsessed with The Wizard Of Oz and is using a sample of music from the film in one of her new tracks. Clearly, she loves the scene that's all, "Poppies… poppies!" [The Sun]
• Gossip Girl gossip: The first season comes out on DVD this week, with an audiobook narrated by Christina Ricci. Except no one likes audiobooks, especially not GG fans. [NY Times]
• Bill Murray jumped out of a plane on Friday. The 57-year-old actor leapt from 13,500 feet with members of the Army Golden Knights Parachute Team. When Murray landed, he said: "I really feel like having a drink." [AP]
• Paris Hilton's extensions were extremely obvious on the red carpet at a recent event. [UPI]
• View said extensions here. [ONTD]
• Jared Leto's band, 30 Seconds To Mars, is being sued by its label, Virgin Records, for not delivering three albums as required by contract. More time in the studio, less time on eyeliner, guys. [AP]
• Blind item! "Which hunk in a summer movie is a violent, closeted homosexual? The heartthrob snuck into his ex's apartment a few months ago and raped him so violently, the ex ended up in the hospital — and the actor paid him $500,000 to keep his mouth shut." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which oft-photographed socialite is being forced to get a job by her parents? She looks rich but is really broke, and is now looking for modeling gigs." [Page Six]
• Drama in the Black Eyed Peas! Fergie's too busy shooting a movie to commit to a tour schedule. [Page Six]
• Celebs at the DNC? George Clooney, Madonna, Kanye West, Scarlett Johansson, Susan Sarandon, Spike Lee, Quentin Tarantino and Matt Damon all wanna be there when Barack Obama says, "Yes, I can." [Rush & Molloy]
• Kim Kardashian performed with the Pussycat Dolls in Vegas on Friday and used iChat to show boyfriend Reggie Bush what she looked like in her costume. Yeah, she knows how to video chat. Be afraid. [People]
• Everything you need to know about Lo Bosworth's role on The Hills: "A subtle intelligence is Lo's saving grace. It's all there in her withering gaze, usually directed away from her target, and possibly in whatever she's always typing into her cellphone." [L.A. Times]
• Sixteen-year-old Georgia Jagger won't let mom Jerry Hall wear anything inappropriate. "I did take all her miniskirts. I told her one night that her skirt was too short – she came down the stairs and I was like, 'God, Mum, you are 50.'" [Daily Mail]
• Entourage star Emmanuelle Chriqui was one of the many patrons of an L.A. nightclub who came out coughing when someone set off pepper spray. [TMZ]
• Mark Frith, editor of Heat magazine, has a book about what it's like to run a tabloid readers love and stars hate. An excerpt: "Jude Law's lawyer calls again. 'We've reason to believe you're planning to run some photographs that you don't have permission to run. When does the magazine print?' 'It already has.' Silence. Then he tells me our lawyers will be getting a letter." [Daily Mail]
• Somebody stole stuff out of the Dancing With The Stars van when it was in Roseville, MN. [UPI]
• Is Avril Lavigne too sexy for Malaysia? [Yahoo News]
• Patrick Swayze continues to smoke. [The Sun]
• Robert Wagner has talked to a friend about the night Natalie Wood died. [Times of London]
• Headline of the day: "Even when he was kissing me, Warren Beatty could not resist staring at himself in the mirror." [Daily Mail]
• "I'd like an Oscar, I think, and I'd also like to have been the face of a big cosmetics company, like Chanel or one of the others. You know what, I am actually going to say I'd like an Oscar nomination rather than an Oscar. I don't want to jinx it." — Emma Roberts. [News.com.au]
• "I saw The Dark Knight. I'm like, 'That's not my idea of what I want to see in a movie.' I loved The Prestige but didn't understand The Dark Knight. Didn't get it, still can't tell you what happened in the movie, what happened to the character… I'm like, 'I get it. This is so high-brow and so fucking smart, I clearly need a college education to understand this movie. You know what? Fuck DC comics. That's all I have to say and that's where I'm really coming from." — Robert Downey Jr. [MSNBC]

• Literary sensations Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen premiere their first book, Influence. '"Ashley and Mary-Kate take readers on a journey through their celebrated young lives, pausing to reflect on what has helped shape them into who they are today," the book's publisher said in a statement. "They interviewed 20 people and wrote brief essays about each other." Those interviewed include fashion designers Karl Lagerfeld, Diane Von Furstenburg, John Galliano and Christian Louboutin. "We interviewed the people who have inspired us, with the hope that they will inspire and teach others," Mary-Kate said. "We want to explain culturally how ideas evolve."' [People]
• The first "Cavalli Club" will open in Dubai this Fall. Says Roberto, '“living against monotony, with the enjoyment of music, of good food, of pleasant company” is the club’s philosophy. In his goal to offer “multiple culinary and sensorial experiences,” Cavalli plans an Italian restaurant flanked by a sushi bar and a wine bar on the top floor.' We can only assume this will be convenient to Lagerfeld's "Fashion Island." [WWD]
• A new investor allows Sadie Frost's company to live another day. Said a rep of the Jude Law ex and her design partner Jemima French, "Sadie and Jemima relish the opportunity to be fully hands-on again and being able to return to the creative and business helm of a fashion label. Both designers are currently working on their next collection" [Independent]

• The new Calvin Klein "Secret Obsession" campaign, starring Eva Mendes, was deemed too provocative for U.S. air waves - so it's to preview on the 'net. "TV networks will simply not allow Steven Meisel's commercial to be aired - it's too raunchy and risque, featuring Eva enjoying a private, intimate moment, set to a seductive sound track, wearing very little." [ElleUK]
• Lipstick Queen Poppy King should stick to cosmetics: "To be in fashion right now means to understand the difference between feminine and female and to get the balance right: too feminine and we are back in the submission of the '50s, too confrontational and it becomes '80s power woman. But in between these two is that wonderful space that it just 100 percent female—neither overly hostile nor apologetic. Perhaps if Hillary Clinton had got this sense of female right it may have turned out differently for her." [JC Report]
• Ashton Kutcher to return as face of Pepe Jeans London. [VogueUK]
• Cartier apparently thinks it's 2005, teams up with MySpace. [Guardian]
• Denim line Rock & Republic launches makeup line for unclear reasons. [Cosmetics News]
• Hockey player and novelty Vogue intern Sean Avery now dating Calvin Klein's ex-wife, Kelly. Well, they said Wintour was crushing on him, too...[Page Six]
• Modeling agency sues other modeling agency for model poaching. [UPI]
• Jewelry designers haggle over intellectual property. [Fashionista]
• Good old J. Crew weathers economic storm through "honesty and communication." [AdAge]
• Vidal Sassoon on his "rags to riches" story of hairstyling to the stars. [KQED]
• LVMH, Sony settle over musicians playing fast and loose with their trademarks. Kanye West, "Louis Vuitton Don," we're looking at you. [WWD]
• "Supergirl" line a fashion dream team: "Warner Bros. is moving full-steam ahead with a long-term, global Supergirl branded contemporary sportswear line, ready for resort selling. The line is designed by the trio of Shoshanna Lonstein Gruss, Alice Roi and Laura Poretzky." [WWD]
• Weak global economy means less direct sourcing from India. [Business Week]
• Despite Blane's desperate attempts to force a catch-phrase, "boring contestants" and an earlier time slot have Project Runway off to a slow start, ratings-wise. [Portfolio]
• Canadian con man convicted of selling fake Gucci stock options. [WWD]

• Does someone have $38,001 they can loan me? Because film producer Barbara Broccoli paid $38,000 to charity to kiss Daniel Craig and, um, hell yeah. [AP]
• Speaking of bad loans, hundreds of people have been arrested for making them, including 2 Bear Sterns guys. The economic damage, well, no one knows how to fix that. [Washington Post]
• As previously mentioned, Barack Obama is foregoing federal campaign funding because he doesn't need your stinkin' money. Well, I mean, he needs your money, he just doesn't want the government to be the go-between. Who's small government now (that it benefits him)? [NY Times]
• Actually, for the record, one of the guys who wrote the law thinks it's a smart decision because Obama really, actually doesn't need the money. [HuffPo]

• The French Muslim non-virgin whose wants the annulment her husband wants because she isn't one is probably not going to get it because of the feminist uproar. One step for feminists, I guess, right in the midst of her pain. [BBC]
• Speaking of steps, Congress has come up with a system to give retroactive immunity to phone companies that illegally tapped your phones at the behest of the Administration without looking like they're giving retroactive immunity to phone companies that illegally tapped your phones at the behest of the Administration. And you thought politicians weren't creative. [Washington Post]
• And, in case you thought your job sucked, it turns out that when you work for Congressman Don Young, you also work for his wife and she's crazy. Also,
  If you’re being chased by armed police man [sic], don’t try to escape into a metro station," is part of their intern advice package. It's good advice. [The Hill]

But at the same time, one in five young Frenchmen reported "no interest in sexuality." Older ladies? (Maybe the moms of those guys?) They're totally into indoor sports: 9 out of 10 women over 50 are sexually active today, compared to just 50% cent of that age group in 1970.

Of course, men are still sleeping with more women (guys between 30 and 49 reported a "lifetime sexual partner" average of 12; women in the same age group reported an average of 5). So this whole "sexual predator" thing is just rabble-rousing paranoia-inducing bullshit; like horny French women are going attack les garçons and force them to have sex? French guys are sleeping with double the number of people, so clearly they're enjoying the new "liberation." As for the numbers: Just give les femmes some time, they'll catch up.

French Women 'Are The Sexual Predators Now' [Telegraph]
More Sex Please, We're French [Time]