However, the coolness of their genitalia is brought down a notch when you find out why they are so oddly designed: the female duck's labyrinthine vagina is intended to help her escape potential rapists, and ensure that she is only impregnated by a suitor of her choosing. • Looking for the perfect gift for your multi-tasking boyfriend? Get him this two-in-one beard trimmer and cellphone! This is where I should make a joke about wanting a RAZR, but it's too easy. • Germany has refused, yet again, to return the bust of Nefertiti to Egypt. Officials claim the bust is too fragile to be moved. • A 54-year-old woman from Minnesota may be facing assault charges after she grabbed a man by his genitals hard enough to cause him to require stitches. She claims he cut himself, but he told police quite a different story. • A zoo in Illinois has raised over $20,000 by selling necklaces and ornaments made from reindeer poop. The droppings are dime-sized, dehydrated, sterilized, and covered in glitter. • Australian moms are paying up to $1000 a liter for black market breast milk. Lack of guidelines makes it difficult to regulate the breast milk trade, which has lead many mothers to pay exorbitant prices. Lactation experts are calling for national guidelines for the sale of breast milk, which would hopefully classify the liquid as a food product. •  According to Myanmar news sources, the Burmese Supreme Court has agreed to hear pro-democracy leader Aung San Suu Kyi's appeal. The court had previously turned down several requests, but some hope that this may be a sign the junta is relaxing their grip on Suu Kyi, and may even allow her to go free in time for next year's promised elections. • 300 French high school students showed up for class wearing short skirts or Bermuda shorts as part of a protest against the recently tightened dress codes. Léa Dedieu, the 17-year-old who organized the protest, said she wanted to make a philosophical point about freedom, and it wasn't intended "to draw attention to ourselves." • Every year Cadbury makes a special batch of dark chocolate exclusively for the royal family. "We've been providing chocolates to the royal family since Victorian times, but I cannot discuss the recipe," revealed a spokesperson for the company. • An Ohio mom called the cops on her own 6-year-old daughter after she found out that she had shoplifted a $3.11 package of stickers. Police picked up the girl and took her down to the station, but she was not arrested. Diane Lyons said she wanted to teach her child an early lesson about right and wrong. "I don't think I went too far," she said. •

[Loire Valley, December 21. Image via Getty.]

A picture taken on December 21, 2009 shows the chateau of Chambord on the Loire Valley decked in Christmas lights. AFP PHOTO/ALAIN JOCARD (Photo credit should read ALAIN JOCARD/AFP/Getty Images)

[Val-D'Isere, France; December 20. Image via Getty]

Britain Chemmy Alcott reacts after placing 16th during the FIS World Cup the FIS World Cup Women's Super G, December 20, 2009 in Val-D'Isere, French Alps. Swiss skier Fraenzi Aufdenblatten won the race ahead of Swiss skier Nadia Styger and US skier Lindsey Vonn. AFP PHOTO / FRANCK FIFE (Photo credit should read FRANCK FIFE/AFP/Getty Images)

[Paris, December 18. Image via Getty]

Former French president Jacques Chirac's Vietnamese-born adopted daughter Ahn Dao Traxel (C) walks with buddhists monks and nuns on December 18, 2009 in Paris, before submiting at the Elysee palace, French President Nicolas Sarkozy's official residence, a formal request for temporary asylum in France for 400 monks and nuns. The followers of a Buddhist group banned in communist Vietnam asked for asylum in France, where their leader is based, claiming that they face persecution at home. Sarkozy was himself away at the UN climate conference in Copenhagen, but movement spokesman Phap Linh said that his office had accepted the letter, adding that the request would be temporary as 'we are convinced that the regime will change.' AFP PHOTO GERARD CERLES (Photo credit should read GERARD CERLES/AFP/Getty Images)

[Paris, December 16. Image via Getty]

A woman begs in a street next to a luxury store on December 16, 2009 in Paris. AFP PHOTO / THOMAS COEX (Photo credit should read THOMAS COEX/AFP/Getty Images)

[Val d'Isere, France; December 16. Image via Getty]

Austrian Kathrin Zettel competes during the women's training session for the FIS ski World Cup downhill race, in Val d'Isere, on December 16, 2009, two days ahead of the event. AFP PHOTO / FRANCK FIFE (Photo credit should read FRANCK FIFE/AFP/Getty Images)

[Courchevel, France; December 12. Image via Getty]

Photo taken on December 12, 2009 shows a sculpture by Spanish artist Salvador Dali 'Alice In Wonderland' during an exhibition at the Courchevel ski resort in the French Savoie region, held until April 25, 2010. AFP PHOTO / JEAN-PIERRE CLATOT (Photo credit should read JEAN-PIERRE CLATOT/AFP/Getty Images)

[Montreiul, France; December 9. Image via Getty]

Roma prepare a meal in the garden of an abandoned house on December 9, 2009 in Montreuil, on the outskirts of Paris, where some 20 Roma people have taken shelter after they were disloged from various places. They are now refurbishing the property. AFP PHOTO OLIVIER LABAN-MATTEI (Photo credit should read OLIVIER LABAN-MATTEI/AFP/Getty Images)

[Caen, France; December 9. Image via Getty]

French-Senegalese writer Marie NDiaye, who won this year's 'Prix Goncourt', won France's top literary prize, dedicates her book on December 9, 2009 in Caen, western France. NDiaye, 42, becomes the first woman in a decade and the first black woman in history to win the Goncourt prize for 'Trois Femmes Puissantes' (Three Powerful Women), but the soft-spoken writer denies she is a 'symbol'. AFP PHOTO MYCHELE DANIAU (Photo credit should read MYCHELE DANIAU/AFP/Getty Images)

[Paris, December 8. Image via Getty]

Charlotte Cassez, mother of Florence Cassez, a French woman sentenced to 60 years of prison for her alledged role in a kidnapping gang, demonstrates to ask for the release of her daughter near the Mexican Embassy on December 08, 2009 in Paris. AFP PHOTO / MARTIN BUREAU (Photo credit should read MARTIN BUREAU/AFP/Getty Images)

[Meisenthal, France; December 3. Image via Getty]

A worker examines hand-crafted glass Christmas tree decorations at the factory in Meisenthal on December 3, 2009. AFP PHOTO/ FREDERICK FLORIN (Photo credit should read FREDERICK FLORIN/AFP/Getty Images)

[Paris, November 1. Image via Getty]

Models display creations by designer Sonia Rykiel for H&M 2009-2010 ready-to-wear collection on December 01, 2009 at the Grand Palais in Paris. AFP PHOTO FRANCOIS GUILLOT (Photo credit should read FRANCOIS GUILLOT/AFP/Getty Images)

Caption: PARIS - DECEMBER 01: Models are seen during the rehersal of Sonia Rykiel and H&M underwear collection launch at Grand Palais on December 1, 2009 in Paris, France. (Photo by Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images)

[Tokyo, November 25. Image via Getty]

French artist Alice Daquet in a huge balloon prepares for her performance at the opening ceremony of the art festival of 'No Man's Land' located at the former office building of the French embassy in Tokyo on November 25, 2009. Some 70 artists will display their works at the festival from November 26 until January 31, 2010. AFP PHOTO/Kazuhiro NOGI (Photo credit should read KAZUHIRO NOGI/AFP/Getty Images)

[Paris, November 18. Image via Getty]

Choregrapher Karine Saporta poses on November 18, 2009 at 'Le Dansoir', a semi-mobile theater on the square of the Bibliotheque Nationale de France in Paris. The Dansoir Karine Saporta will host the « A vos boitiers, prets, dansez! » (eady, Steady, Dance!) dance event from November 20. AFP PHOTO FRED DUFOUR (Photo credit should read FRED DUFOUR/AFP/Getty Images)

As someone who spends a lot of time reading - and writing about - American ladymags I thought that, for a change of pace, I'd investigate a few foreign ones. So a few weeks ago, I bought four British magazines and four French ones to see how they stack up against their American counterparts.

I was particularly interested in how these foreign editions treat single readers: Does the strategy for love and romance veer from what American women are used to reading? Are there tips? Is being single considered a blessing or a curse? Do they want women to be more or less assertive? Let's take a look:

More! - Oct. 19th edition
Dannii Minogue, sister of Kylie and a reality tv judge in the UK, is on the cover. Almost the entirety of her interview is devoted to her "gorgeous boyfriend" Kris, a rugby player six years her junior. "He accepts me in my tracksuits and my UGG boots and no make-up and my hair in a [headband]," she gushes. "He's The One." It's no wonder she's obsessed with her boyfriend-her friends and family sound psychotic. "When he met all of my family and friends, they all came back to me going, ‘If you mess this up, we won't be your friends any more because, seriously, we thought you'd be single forever.'"

Later in the issue, the magazine ask forty men to answer the rather cheerful question "How Can We Tell if You're About to Dump Us?" And there's a feature called "I've Never Had a Boyfriend," in which four attractive twenty-something women confess that they've never had a serious relationship and a nebulous-sounding "relationship expert" tries to understand how exactly that could happen. Sample advice: "Between now and Christmas I want you to get to know men with a good relationship track record so you'll know what to look for in future relationships."

However! I am willing to take back anything I might be inclined to say about the obsession with monogamy that this magazine appears to have because there, on page 100, was the Position of the Week. This week's is called The Cat and it's reenacted step-by-step by an interracial Barbie couple. Plus!! There's a bonus tip that involves a vibrator "to maximize your pleasure." And if that was not enough, there are five readers profiled who were paid to try it. Yes, that's right, our British sistren can get paid £30 to try out sex tips in magazines. It is times like this that I question whether the American Revolution was a good idea.


Marie Claire (UK Edition) - -November 2009
"In the midst of this doom and gloom, I feel inclined to spoil myself more." Ah, another article on the minor luxuries women won't give up during the recession! Except this is a pretty serious, reported article called "The Pleasure Boom" that claims that the recession has resulted in a kind of golden age for sex toys in Britain.

Moving on from gold-plated vibrators, they address the age-old "Should I Tell Him How Many Men I've Slept With?" question by encouraging evasiveness. I loved this: "When men want to play the numbers game, I stick to my ‘more than one, less than a hundred' line, and remind them that all of my experiences have made me into the sexually confident woman that I am today." I usually cringe at any mention of the O-word-oxytocin-but I appreciate that they warn women that the "cuddle hormone" can "lead to inappropriate bonding with that random one-night stand."

General bonus: this magazine came wrapped with a giant bar of chocolate to celebrate Chocolate Week 2009.

Glamour (UK Edition) - November 2009
I was not particularly moved by any suggestions in "Happy Couple Tips to Try Tonight, Tomorrow and Forever." Is there anything new in "Brag publicly about him," "Spoil him," or "Think back on all the reasons you fell for him"? Plus I'm not sure that using a photo from Gossip Girl of Dan and Serena making out is the best way to illustrate eternal love.

There is a fairly depressing piece on what men talk about when we're not around. From "Overheard at a football match": "She's got the premenstrual with the cramping and bloating and terrorizing, then the menstrual, then the post-menstrual. No shit, she's fit for habitation for only, like, ten days a month." Not only in there no analysis of this comment but there is no indication that this kind of casual misogyny-fed to us in a women's magazine, no less!-is completely unacceptable. What's next? "Top Ten ‘Take My Wife, Please' Jokes"?


Cosmopolitan (UK Edition) - November 2009
This month's Cosmo quiz is dedicated to all the single ladies, namely Agyness Deyn, Alexandra Burke (the winner of the American Idolesque X Factor), Kate Hudson, and Lily Allen. "They're all gorgeous, sexy and single. What can your celeb relationship twin tell you about your love life?" I took the quiz, answering questions like, "If a friend invites you out on the same night you've got a date, you'd cancel to go out with a friend." My single celeb soulmate is Kate Hudson and our shared problem is that we are prone to judging too quickly. "Like Kate, you're not ready to settle for one guy. Perhaps that's because in the back of your mind you're always thinking someone else might come along."

There's an interesting article on women who have had to move back in with their parents-whether for financial reasons or because of a bad breakup-and who think it's the best thing they ever did.

In an advice column, an 18-year-old asks whether she should go out with her coworker who is ten years her senior. The casual response seems like something that would probably never see the light of day in American magazines: "In a couple years' time, 10 years between you and a boyfriend will make much less difference to anyone."


Cosmopolitan (French edition) - November 2009
My favorite part of French Cosmo is the special psychic supplement that comes with the November issue, which includes a punch-out tarot deck and a quiz called "What Kind of Love Witch Are You?" I took it, and apparently I'm the kind that loves "eternal adolescents who don't take anything seriously, especially not love." My inner goth could only be happier if it came with love spells.

There's a long reported story that feels a bit behind the times on online dating and another depressing story about men. This time it's a list of the ways (by text, via the silent treatment) in which men leave us. There's another story told from the point of view of men on what their girlfriends do better than anyone else ("walk wearing stilettos," "read my thoughts").

The last page is an ode to wearing garter belts by a female writer who claims they're "comfortable, practical, and they makes me feel more sure of myself." Very French.


20 Ans - October 2009
20 Ans (it means 20 Years Old) is something that doesn't really exist in America: the sexually frank magazine for teenagers. But it's less like Sassy than a hybrid of Bonnie Fuller-era YM and Maxim.

There's an article on what men like to do in the morning (Sleep in! Eat a ton of cereal! Have sex! I have never heard of a woman enjoying any of those things!) that is pretty vapid, but I did enjoy the the Ten Good Reasons to Sleep with Someone article: "there's nothing on tv," "you're young, beautiful, and sexy," "you have nothing better to do," "you want to." They also include a few reasons not to: "you haven't shaved," "you have a sex toy," "it's too hot out," and "you don't want to."

Later, there are several stories prepping girls for adult relationships. And by "adult relationships," we mean "male disappointment." There's an article on why your man doesn't do what you tell him (the answers: "because he doesn't want to" or because you're a nag), another of tricks to get your guy to get off the phone/internet/tv (parading around in lingerie is encouraged), and a quiz on whether he's happy with you.


Glamour (French edition) - November 2009
Can I be honest? I have never encountered a women's magazine with so little love advice to dish out to their readers. There's a story on how to catch a man's eye, and another about fantasies women have about yoga teachers, bakers, and surfers but the vast majority is taken up with articles on that don't make finding and keeping a man your life's central conceit. Which, of course, doesn't mean they're breaking much new ground; you'll find stories on how to build your own bookshelves, the return of the smoky eye, and women who love their thigh-high boots.

Bonus merch: This month's issue comes with a tote bag that says BAG GLAMOUR BAG on one side and a line drawing of last month's cover on the other.

Biba - November 2009
There's a quiz for couples to take on whether you're sexually compatible and a food story on recipes for seduction (raspberry tart, berry muffins). There's a roundup of women's stories about guys who tried to pick you up and failed: "He began to guide me through poses, murmuring that I had a great body… What he didn't know was that I was the sub for yoga class that day." There's not any new ground here, but I did appreciate a reported piece on whether girls and boys are raised differently, and whether sexism comes from imposed gender rules on kids.

These British and French women's magazines have the occasional bit of advice that feels a bit more risqué than anything published in the US, but overall, the familiar far exceeds the exotic. I do think that our lady mags could take a cue from their foreign counterparts and start illustrating sex tips with Barbies and giving away cute totes. If anything can help sagging newsstand sales, I'm sure it's free chocolate.

[Macon, France; November 5. Image via Getty]

Algerian born Aïcha poses with her daughter after she received her French naturalization documents during an official ceremony on November 5, 2009 at Macon's prefecture, central France. A poll showed that sixty percent of the French, including 72 percent of right-wing voters and half of left-wingers, back government plans for a vast public debate on France's 'national identity.' President Nicolas Sarkozy is also to take part in a debate on the subject in December. The debates will end with a congress early next year on the twin questions of 'what it means to be French today' and 'what immigration contributes to our national identity.' AFP PHOTO / JEFF PACHOUD (Photo credit should read JEFF PACHOUD/AFP/Getty Images)

[Paris, November 4. Image via Getty]

POUR ILLUSTRER LES PAPIERS SUR L'IDENTITE NATIONALE - A person poses with her French national identity card in front of Paris' Statue de la République (Republic Statue) taken on November 4, 2009 trough a French flag. France's immigration minister Eric Besson said he was launching a debate on national identity, sparking protests from opposition Socialists who denounced the plan as a sign that 'France is sick'. Besson, who is also officially the minister for integration and national identity, said the debate would last two and a half months and would end with a colloquium on 'what it means to be French today.' AFP PHOTO / JOEL SAGET (Photo credit should read JOEL SAGET/AFP/Getty Images)