• French police say that paparazzi wearing camouflage (!) got on to the grounds of Angelina and Brad's chateau and scuffled with security guards on the property yesterday. Both sides filed legal complaints accusing the other of battery/injury (bruises, scratches, nothing serious.) Angie and Brad need guard dogs. So they can be all, "Smithers, release the hounds." [AP]
• "I won't hide for you that this kind of thing is really not the type of problem that interests us," says police captain Olivia Poupot. "There are, in my opinion, far more important things than paparazzi taking photos of a glamor couple." [Yahoo News]
• Christian Bale on his alleged assault against his mom and sister: "It’s a deeply personal matter." [The Sun]
• This was in Midweek Madness but seems like it actually might be true: Sean "Diddy" Combs, 38, is engaged to singer Cassie, 21. Good luck? [Star]
• Kirsten Dunst is directing a documentary about why Americans vote on Tuesday. Blame the farmers, people. Blame the farmers. [NY Magazine]

• Rachel Weiz is shooting a spread for Vogue and it could be Halloween-related, or she and this small child could be wearing copious amounts of feathers because chicken hawk is the new black. [The.Life Files]
• Samantha Morton is making her directorial debut with a drama for Channel 4 about a little girl growing up in a children's home. She says: "I was in care, but this film isn't about me." [Guardian]
• Danny Glover has had trouble raising funds for his movie about Haitian independence hero Toussaint-Louverture. "Producers said 'It's a nice project, a great project... where are the white heroes?'" Uh, seriously? [Breitbart]
• Justin Long remains "distraught" about his breakup with Drew Barrymore and has dropped out of the rollerderby comedy Whip It!, which is Drew's directorial debut. A source says: "He couldn't stand working with her and not being with her. He's too upset. She dumped him. She was hot and cold. One minute she was in love with him and the next she wanted to break up with him." [Yahoo News]
• Pete Doherty was in court yesterday, admitting to roughing up a paparazzo. Pete had to pay $2,000 in fees. (The incident happened last August.) [Yahoo News]
• "She sure knows how to milk publicity and create a publicity stunt." — Pharrell Williams on Madonna. [Mirror]
• Johnny Depp is turning his 40-acre getaway in the Bahamas into an eco-home. Solar hydrogen technology and whatnot. If you would gladly visit the location for an exhaustive investigative study to make sure all is well, raise your hand. [The Sun]
• Simon & Schuster is suing Foxy Brown and Lil' Kim, claiming the two rappers never delivered manuscripts for which they were paid book advances. Maybe because both ladies went to jail shortly after signing deals? [AP]
• It's official: The Brit papers are obsessed with Peaches Geldof. She was supposed to cover an iTunes festival on TV but the "bosses" are furious about reports that she OD'd recently. Also, Peaches has a new tattoo which this paper calls a noose but looks like a light bulb. [The Sun]
• "The original Klaatu was warm and fuzzy, more human than humans. I’m not that guy." — Keanu Reeves on his alien character in the December flick The Day The Earth Stood Still. [LA Times]
• James Iha and D'Arcy Wretzky-Brown, former Smashing Pumpkins members, are suing Virgin Records, claiming the label shut them out of profits after signing a deal with frontman Billy Corgan. All I have to say about this is that 1979 is a great song. [Yahoo News]
• Been seeing the posters around town: Pam Anderson is in a new reality show. Why? "I'm not worried about cleaning up my image," she says. "You know how you do things, and you don't really know why you're doing them until the end? I don't know why I'm doing this yet. I'm just know I'm an exhibitionist. Some people are afraid to be found. I'm afraid not to be found. It's one of those weird opportunities. And it was an incredible deal." [LA Times]
• Little Feud On The Prairie, hahaha. Nellie Olson in the news! [TMZ]
• The Kim Kardashian vs. Shanna Moakler showdown is really too boring to write about. [Yahoo News]
• Here's more on Shanna and Kim. Are they technically even celebrities? [Page Six]
• Kim Kardashian is buying wedding magazines and planning a ceremony not because she's engaged but so that "whenever I get asked there won’t be any drama." Wait, what? [People]
• Congrats to Marisa Jaret Winokur, who welcomed a son on Tuesday. Zev Isaac Miller, who was carried by a surrogate mother, weighed 8 pounds, 7 ounces and measured 21 inches long. Winokur is a cervical cancer survivor. [E!]
• Meg Ryan in a fat suit. For a movie, of course. She says: "I like a character who is all about transformation. She was enormous, and now she's foxy." [Daily Mail via ONTD]
• Producer Scott Storch is facing foreclosure on his $10 million Miami home. Tough times. [Page Six]
• Daisy Lowe is asking boyf Mark Ronson to help with the music for her mom's wedding. [Mirror]
• Elizabeth Berkley has an unscripted project for MTV: She does workshops around the country (called Ask-Elizabeth) with teen girls and gets them to open up about their issues, like self-esteem and body image; the show will be a documentary of sorts, featuring Elizabeth and the kids. Hopefully the girls won't Google Image Showgirls. [Reuters]
• "We met on the show. And we tried to keep it very professional on the show because we were both there for our careers, and we didn’t expect this to come out of it. But I’m really happy." Project Runway's Wesley, who is dating Project Runway's Daniel. [People]
• Leo DiCaprio's next project cold be a Twilight Zone movie. [Reuters]
• A Russian version of The Office! [Brietbart]
• John Cleese on his ex-wife. "Guess how much I'm paying her? £900,000 a year. And we had no children. It is astonishing." Bitter, party of one. [Mirror]
• Mick Jagger turns 65 on Saturday, making him eligible for state pension: $180 a week. Dude's fortune is estimated at $450 million, btw. [Reuters]
• "I think this one will be such a success, it will be difficult to do a sequel because we've done one and we've topped it, obviously, and now we've got to top this. That is difficult. That is difficult because we've already broken the box office (record) in American movie history. We've got to break our own record. It's hard." — Michael Caine on doing a Dark Knight sequel. [MSNBC]

[New York, May 21. Image via INFDaily.]

• Mischa Barton claims she is a PhotoShop Of Horrors victim: A new batch of paparazzi beach shots showed her legs riddled with cellulite. "Those photos are doctored," Barton's rep, Lisa Perkins, says. "I'm not saying she's perfect, nobody is. But they've given a 22-year-old woman the legs and bottom of an 80-year-old." The pix were taken by the dude she's pissed at for snapping topless shots; the same one who ran Nicole Kidman off of the road. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• You can see the pictures here, with a regular paparazzi shot as well. Photoshop? [Daily Mail]
  
• Apparently Mariah Carey wanted a $3 million wedding with doves and orchids and Nick Cannon wanted to get married ASAP with no fuss. Mariah agreed because, as she has said, "We really do feel we are soulmates. I never felt a love like this was in the cards for me." Aww, that should be sweet but somehow it's fucking annoying. [Mirror]
  
• Lindsay Lohan: Seen doing shots of tequila with Lauren Conrad! LL turned her back so no one would see; unfortunately she was facing a window and the whole bar could see her reflection. Whoops! [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Meanwhile: You know how Lindsay had finally gotten a movie role? In that Manson Girls flick? Well she's been kicked off of the project. Producers "discovered that they couldn't find any name actresses who wanted to co-star with her," says Nikki Finke. [Deadline Hollywood via ONTD]

• It looks like officials in Malawi are all set to grant full adoption rights to Madonna. A document says: "Mr and Mrs Ritchie have shown a strong commitment in providing the infant with all essential needs like love, safe home environment, care, protection, material as well as emotional support." [Yahoo News]
• Jessica Simpson will be little sister Ashlee's maid of honor. At Ashlee's yet-to-be-scheduled wedding. [People]
• Jeremy Piven and Pink: Seen "all over each other" and "dancing really close." [Page Six]
• Alec Baldwin may want to switch careers. "In a matter of weeks, I'm going to be 50," he says. As long as he doesn't leave 30 Rock! [Page Six]
• Even though Tom Cruise told Oprah that he regrets his infamous argument on the Today show, Matt Lauer, Lauer says, "I don't think he needs to apologize. I don't feel there are any hard feelings. It was an interview. It was a good moment on television." Oh Matt. You're glib, Matt. Glib. [People]
• Jessica Alba challenges you to a staring contest. [People]
• Katie Holmes "has got the itch" to have another baby. Praise Xenu! [E!]
• Poor Uma Thurman may be in court again! Lancôme is suing Uma as a preemptive strike: Her contract as the face of the cosmetics company expired in 2005; yet her picture was seen in ads on Asian websites and on a Canadian billboard recently. [E!]
• Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt get their locks lightened by the same colorist. News you can use. [E!]
• Josh Brolin as George W. Bush. [E!]
• Daisy Lowe, 19, is loving hanging out with new boyfriend Mark Ronson, 32. Sigh. [Daily Mail via ONTD]
• Um, Chloe Lattanzi, daughter of Olivia Newton-John and contestant on Rock The Cradle, seems to have had quite a bit of collagen injected into her lips. And maybe a nose job. [ONTD]
• When Simon Cowell was a teenager, he hated school so much he was practically suicidal. He says, "I was so bored. I didn't like rules or discipline. So when someone said, 'These are the best days of your life' I actually thought about jumping off a bridge." [Mirror]
• Foxy Brown pleaded guilty to "menacing" a woman with her BlackBerry in 2007 and thereby avoided going on trial for assault. Time for a kinder, gentler Foxy! [Reuters]
• There is audio of the domestic violence 911 call involving Vanilla Ice, if you care to hear it. [The Superficial]
• Madonna is endorsing secondary ticket sales for her upcoming tour, which means if at first it seems like it's sold out, it might not be — if you have the cash. [Financial Times]
• Ashton Kutcher slept around before he met Demi Moore, surprise, surprise. [The Sun]
• Daniel Depp got his debut novel published, maybe because he is Johnny Depp's (half) brother? [Independent]
• Hot hottie Gary Dourdan of CSI has been charged with felony drug possession. Maybe I'm old but I remember him best as the gorgeous man in the Janet Jackson video. [Yahoo News]
• Rihanna kissing Chris Brown at KFC! LOL! [Concrete Loop]

• Nelson Mandela personally called Amy Winehouse and asked her to sing at his birthday party on June 27! The former president of South Africa phoned her! Bono, Elton John and Annie Lennox are expected to perform as well. This UK paper says,"Let's hope [Amy] bee-hives herself!" Yuk, yuk. [Mirror]
  
• Meanwhile: Does Blake Incarcerated have a secret mistress? Is he plotting with the "mystery blonde" to run away with her — and a chunk of Amy's £10 million fortune? [The Sun]
  
• Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are due in court today for a progress review. A completely uninformed opinion? She's doing better. [People]
  
• Owen Wilson allegedly picked up some chick (not Kate Hudson) and invited her back to is boat and propositioned her to join him in a threesome with Vince Vaughn. There was a time that a Butterscotch Stallion/Money Baby sandwich would have been soooo hot, and that time was 2001. [Perez Hilton]
  
• Britney's back at work on How I Met Your Mother. She looks cute dressed to match Neil Patrick Harris! [TMZ]

• Tom Cruise's new web site is a finely crafted masterpiece of PR spin. [LA Times]
• Prince! Is working on a book! Featuring poetry and photographs and elegantly sealed in a purple slipcase, of course. [Reuters]
• Dina Lohan is being honored as a "Top Mom" by a Long Island-based charity, Mingling Moms Organization. Ali Lohan says: "My mom is great, she has always been there for us. She helps us follow our dreams. I love her to death." And by "to death" she means, "Sometimes I want to strangle her." [Page Six]
• Pete Doherty is out of jail! He served 29 days of a 14-week sentence and now he's back on the streets. You've been warned. [People]
• John Mayer on the pix of him with Jen Aniston in Miami: "Listen, this is not a scandal, this is not an issue, this is not a problem, this needs no spin control. This is me living my life and a guy with a really powerful lens and I don't fault him, I don't fault anybody, I don't fault you, I don't fault this or that. There are much worse problems in the world. Everything's cool!" Hahaha, stoner. [ET]
• But! John Mayer was seen out with Maroon 5 horndog Adam Levine and John "The Player" was "all over some blond girl," according to a source. Maybe he and Jennifer Aniston haven't had "the talk" yet? [Page Six]
• Maxim's Hot 100 list is a sister act: Ashlee Simpson is No. 18, Jessica Simpson is No. 53. But while Ashley Olsen is No. 47, Mary-Kate is not on the list at all... Which might be a compliment. [Page Six]
• Hollywood Hills neighbors of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are pissed that paparazzi cars are parking in their hood. [Page Six]
• Barbara Walters is traveling by private jet to 25 US cities to promote her memoir — and she's taking hair and makeup people from The View with her. But! She's paying for it all herself. [Rush & Molloy]
• Jay-Z at a show at NYC's Madison Square Garden: "This concert isn't endorsed by Obama, but it's time for a change." [Rush & Molloy]
• Jeremy Piven was seen having a "knock-down, all-out screaming match" with a brunette at a party. Ari Gold, is that you? [Rush & Molloy]
• The jury may deliver a verdict in the Uma Thurman stalking case today; we'll keep you posted. [TMZ]
• The bench warrant issued for Foxy Brown yesterday was due to a misunderstanding. Foxy is still free! [TMZ]
• Angela Kinsey, who plays Angela on The Office, gave birth to a baby girl, Isabel Ruby, on Saturday afternoon. [People]
• Mischa Barton is pissed at a photographer who snapped pictures of her sunbathing topless. She says: "He's a ridiculous human being. I've never abhorred anyone more. I was so angry, I went up to him and said how disappointed I was with his behavior. He apologized but he was very insincere." It should be noted that this photographer is the same one Nicole Kidman won a restraining order against after she testified that he tried to run her off the road. [Mirror]
• Peaches Geldof, 19 (daughter of Sir Bob) is implicated in a cocaine ring, ruh-roh. [Mirror]
• Nip/Tuck star Joely Richardson kind of wants an African baby. "I'd love to adopt," she says. "I was almost in tears on a hospital visit because there were two or three babies to each cot, but I told myself that crying wouldn't help." [Mirror]
• Yoko Ono is suing the producers of a movie hat challenges the concept of Darwinian evolution, saying they used the song Imagine without her permission and led the blogosphere to accuse her of "selling out." [USA Today]
• "I don't think of myself as an [feminist] icon, but I think of myself as interested and can get ruffled at gender inequality. I still get touchy when people say that guys are interested in sex and girls are interested in love. It's bullshit." —Liz Phair. [Rolling Stone]

[New York, April 18. Image via Splash.]

• Lovers' spat! At a Barack Obama party, the DJ started playing "Crazy In Love" and Jay-Z grabbed the mic and said, "Sorry Bey but fuck that — let's play something else." B was pissed! Later the couple kissed and made up, though. [Mirror]
  
• This should not come as a surprise and hardly qualifies as news, but Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt of The Hills want their own show. They've been in NYC pitching it to execs; it would be about them (gag) planning their wedding. Listen, if we all concentrate, maybe we can prevent this from happening: Every time Spencer gets what he wants, an angel loses its wings. [Page Six]
  
• Amy Winehouse has taken up painting watercolors. I want to hang one in my apartment so badly. [Mirror]

• Rob Lowe's former castmembers have got his back! West Wing creator Aaron Sorkin says Rob is a "gentleman who cares first and most for his family." Actor Dulé Hill agrees: "I've known him strictly as a family man." As for the nanny allegations? "It doesn't seem like the Rob I know. It doesn't add up," says Hill. [People]
• Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban were seen in the stands at a hockey game in Nashville. Doesn't that just seem odd? [ET]
• Oh, Nicole Kidman wants her kids out of the Church of Scientology. Good luck with that. [Page Six]
• Lindsay Lohan will be coming to New York tomorrow to see "pal" DJ Samantha Ronson spin, and not to visit her ailing grandparents. Cold! Oh, they've reportedly "never been kind to her." [Page Six]
• Lindsay's dad Michael is not happy that his daughter's rep says she won't be doing missionary work in India. "I think we can all see that her present so-called friends and management have her focused on the wrong projects and things. If Lindsay would just listen to me and follow my guidance, like she did when her life was on the right path, and before the people you see now that are in her life, I guarantee that her life would straighten out and she'd be back to being the gifted actress everyone knew and loved." [Gatecrasher]
• This may shock you, but 30 Rock's Judah Friedlander, known for wearing trucker hats with wacky sayings on them, makes the hats himself. "They are intricate, I sew things on too," he says. "I have over 100 of them and come up with the sayings myself. Fans e-mail me suggestions all the time. So far, I've used one." [Page Six]
• Posh and Becks are having a joint birthday party this weekend and hired a company to get swag from high-end brands for the gift bags. The guest list is fairly exclusive: Only 25 people were invited. Did your invitation get lost in the mail? [Page Six]
• Kate Hudson's birthday is Saturday and some lady got her a "weird" cake in the shape of a "woman/snake/lizard kneeling," with Kate's head on it. Kate did not eat it and it was found in the garbage later, LOL. [Gatecrasher]
• Jennifer Aniston will be the "surprise" guest on the season finale of Oprah's Big Give, pass it on. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which actress on a canceled show was "doing her body weight" in cocaine at a beachy magazine shoot over the weekend?" [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which recently rehabbed rocker got clean through a week-long induced coma? He couldn't bear to sweat out the booze on his own." [Rush & Molloy]
• A court-appointed lawyer, a co-conservator and two other attorneys in the Britney Spears conservator case all have bills — and the commissioner says Brit must pay. Ouch. [TMZ]
• No, seriously: It's $400,000 in legal fees. [People]
• Foxy Brown gets out of prison today! The Department of Corrections says fan or press gatherings will not be allowed, so cancel your trip to Rikers Island. [TMZ]
• This is a headline from People.com: "Jessica Alba in Frantic Nesting Mode." Try to care. [People]
• Cute cutie Bradley Cooper (he was in Wedding Crashers, Alias and the short-lived show Kitchen Confidential) has a new love: Actress Rhona Mitra, who's been on Nip/Tuck and Boston Legal. Foxy couple. [E!]
• Baywatch better stay in reruns forever: David Hasslehoff has agreed to pay $25,000 a month to support his ex-wife and children. [AP]
• Here's a great headline: "Doherty's Pals Flog His Gear." Apparently Pete's friends have been selling some of his stuff for cash — like the "horrible" paintings he did using his own blood — while he's in jail. [The Sun]
• Meanwhile, Pete is in an isolated area of the prison because fellow inmates were planning an attack on him. [Mirror]
• Madonna is in negotiations to play two gigs in Dubai for a whopping £12.5 million. If each show is 90 minutes it comes out to something like $167,000 a minute, for the love of Christmas. [The Sun]
• Hahaha, Gwyneth has stopped working out with Madge because her "grueling" two-and-half-hour workouts are too much for Ms. Paltrow. Madonna is so fucking hardcore. [Mirror]
• Ashanti's new video portrays her wielding a knife and getting revenge on a cheating ex, but she swears it's not about boyfriend Nelly, whom she does not even admit is her boyfriend but her really really good friend. [People]
• RIP, Danny Federici from the E Street band. [USA Today]
• Dita Von Teese is suing a dude who built her a 10-foot high swan with a fountainhead in the beak for her act. The fountain malfunctioned during the debut of her show in Toronto and that will just not do. [TMZ]
• "I never go suntanning. My worst fear is looking down and seeing brown, wrinkly cleavage. It'll get white and wrinkly, but no need to rush it." —Dita Von Teese. [Rush & Molloy]

• Remember how sources said Ashlee was knocked up and then Pete Wentz said she wasn't ? Now sources say Ashlee Simpson is pregnant and will get married next month at a private residence in Southern California. [People]
  
• Jessica Simpson is reportedly jealous of little sis Ashlee, since she's always wanted a baby and even joked she'd resort to making her hairstylist Ken Paves the daddy. Oy. [MSNBC]
  
• Cameron Diaz's father died suddenly yesterday; the cause was pneumonia. [TMZ]
  
• Um, prepare yourself: Rob Lowe's nanny says he repeatedly exposed his "flaccid penis" and his "erect penis" to her, repeatedly asked her "to touch his penis," repeatedly masturbated in front of her, showed her pornographic images on his computer, asked her to give him a massage and tell him dirty stories. Shudder. [TMZ]
  
• So yeah, the nanny is countersuing Lowe for sexual harassment. She is seeking $50,000 in general damages as well as punitive damages and unpaid wages. [Reuters]

• Lily Allen was taken off the judging panel of the Orange Prize — awarded to female writers who have authored books of fiction — because "life got in the way" and she missed a bunch of meetings. A week after joining the panel, she announced she was pregnant. Later she miscarried and split from her boyfriend. The girl's got no time to read. [Telegraph]
• Uh-oh! Amy Winehouse's record label is warning her that she can only release a new CD if she is clean and sober. Crap. Think she can do it? [The Sun]
• John Mayer and Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger: Doing the do? [Page Six]
• David Hasselhoff uses his assistant and an autographed photo of himself to try and pick up chicks. It doesn't work. [Gatecrasher]
• Some crew members feared for Heath Ledger's mental health while he was filming The Dark Knight: He reportedly refused to talk to anyone out of character and found it hard to "snap out" of the personality of The Joker, who he described as a "psychotic, mass-murdering clown." [News.com.au]
• Oh, dear. Pete Doherty is doing heroin while in jail. [The Sun]
• Michael Lohan says daughter Lindsay wants to do missionary work in India; Lindsay's rep says um, no. [Gatecrasher]
• Paris Hilton was paid £70,000 for 50 minutes of work: Showing up at a London nightclub. The world has gone mad. Mad, I tell you! [Mirror]
• Meanwhile, Paris's parents adore her boyfriend Benji Madden. Kathy Hilton says, "I have a funny feeling it's going to go all the way." Rick Hilton says, "We love him like family already." [People]
• Jennie Garth has "abruptly" left a CBS comedy pilot — does that mean she's headed to the 90210 spinoff instead? [Reuters]
• TMI blind item! "Which inexplicable media star (blame www.Gawker.com for that) likes to boast that she let a certain handsome men's magazine editor, who is also much in the gossip columns, get to third base during a dinner at Balthazar?" [Gatecrasher]
• Camilla Parker Bowles (now Duchess of Cornwall), Celine Dion and Madonna share an ancestor! They all descend from a French carpenter. See? Madonna was destined to have a Continental accent. [The Star]
• Deborah Gibson has a stalker who is originally from Spain but left his wife to follow Debbie around the country. Deb's filed a restraining order against the dude and is singing "No, no, no, no, only in your dreams! As real as it may seem — It's only in your dreams." [TMZ]
• Former MTV VJ LaLa Vazquez says she is supporting fiancé Carmelo Anthony in the wake of his DUI arrest. Yawn. [People]
• Despite her album not doing well in the US, Kylie Minogue is splurging on a £3 million mansion in the British countryside. Get it girl! [News.com.au]
• Actor Jason Beghe, an ex-Scientologist says, "Scientology is destructive and a rip-off. It's very, very dangerous for your spiritual, psychological, mental, emotional health and evolution. I think it stunts your evolution." Tom Cruise? Stunted? Never. [Page Six]
• Magician Criss Angel threw a hissy fit over the weekend when his girlfriend, Miss Nevada, didn't win Miss USA. He's also probably upset that no one cares. [Page Six]
• Foxy Brown is scheduled to be released from prison this week! The rapper has been behind bars for the last eight months due to probation violations. She's got a VH1 reality show already in the works, naturally. [UPI]
• Martha Stewart's beloved dog, a Chow named PawPaw, has died. [The.Life Files]
• "I'm just trudging along, you know. I wash every day, I've got my own teeth, and I don't dye my hair. I must be doing something right, as I've only canceled two shows in 30 years: once when the doctor said I would have a miscarriage, and once when he told me my eardrums would explode if I did the gig." Chrissie Hynde, 56. [Page Six]

• Two weeks after they exchanged vows at a "spiritual" ceremony in Bora Bora, Tracey Edmonds and Eddie Murphy have indeed split. The two will "remain friends" and since they never had a legal US wedding, Eddie — who acted like a bit of an asshole to Tracey — won't have to pay any alimony. [People]
  
• Cops were called to the home of Britney Spears last night, but not for the pop star! Several photographers were arrested for reckless driving. Seriously, it's all fun and games until someone gets nailed by an SUV. Or has a nervous breakdown. [Perez Hilton]
  
• According to a poll, 51% of people think that Britney should be able to see her kids a few times a week. Only 1% wanted Britney to get full custody. Was that 1% one person? And was that one person Britney? [Reuter]
  
• Kevin Federline's lawyer says Kevin knows how difficult the custody situation is on the kids — and their mother. "It's a sad situation. There's no victorious feeling." Isn't it amazing how he's become the one to sort of trust and admire? [People]

• Uh-oh! Blake Fielder-Civil is livid with wife Amy Winehouse and has said "I want a divorce." Will she lose her man? Also: She doesn't have a pre-nup, crap. [Perez Hilton]
• Jeremy Piven has a crush on Dita Von Teese! The Entourage star sent two satin mini dresses to the burlesque queen, awww. [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which talented singer/guitar player seems to have forgotten he's married with children? He's been spotted entering and exiting a building in Battery Park City where he spends the night with a beautiful record company executive." [Page Six]
• Clint Eastwood is suing Palliser Furniture company for creating a chair called "The Eastwood." The estate of Marlon Brando is also suing; the chair company claims The Brando chair was named after a town in Corsica — and yet they also have seats named after Charles Bronson, James Cagney and Sean Connery. [E!]
• "He was uncomfortable with the side effects of stardom. There was a sadness in his eyes for someone so young, and he always had an air of trouble around him." — a friend of the late Brad Renfro. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which rising actor with a celebrity girlfriend has been sending 'dirty, flirty' texts to a slew of young ladies in Hollywood? At least that's the gossip." [Gatecrasher]
• Is Sienna Miller to blame for the break between Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn? [Rush & Molloy]
• Simon Cowell denies he got a a "tit job" on his man boobs. "I've tried to cut out red meat, biscuits, cakes and desserts and I eat a lot of fruit," he says. [MSNBC]
• Ike Turner's death was indeed a cocaine overdose, though the singer had a long history of cardiovascular disease and emphysema. [Reuters]
• Faith Hill is recovering from knee surgery — she injured it playing softball in high school. Who knew she was sporty? [AP]
• Foxy Brown is hoping for early release from prison as she slowly goes deaf. "I am terrified of not hearing a fire alarm go off, or being locked in a cell, and someone not being kind enough to let me out, since not everyone understands the severity of my condition," she wrote in a letter. [E!]
• Former Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker is suing Rockstar energy drink company for publishing a photo of him holding a can of the product. What's with all these companies trying to exploit celebs? [USA Today]
• Liz Hurley pregnant? The 42-year-old has a "bump." Ugh, to be a star and have everyone staring at your stomach all the time. Must suck. [Daily Express]

• Lindsay Lohan and her family celebrated Thanksgiving with a day of group therapy! Meanwhile, her beau Riley Giles met the fam, then spent his nights partying without LL. Bad boyfriend! [Page Six]
  
• Oh, and Riley posted a bulletin on MySpace: "Theres some rumors circulating of a breakup... These "sources" are just bored, unemployed bloggers... Ny was a blAAst... I wished we could have stayed longer, minus me being forced to smile @ wOprah. what a whackjob!" OMG even he thinks Dina "White Oprah" Lohan is crazy! [ONTD]
  
• Britney Spears will get custody of her kids on Christmas Day, since KFed got 'em on Thanksgiving. Makes sense since Mama's got the dough for presents. [TMZ]

• Meanwhile, Brit's attorney is trying to get the custody case sealed, so details don't leak out, for the sake of the kids. The poor, poor kids. [USA Today]
• And? Details magazine has Kevin Federline on the cover, calling him a "good father" and one of the "50 most influential men under 45." What a world we live in. [MSNBC]
• Hulk Hogan is said to be "devastated" his wife Linda filed for divorce — is it all about the Benjamins? A source says she loves to spend. [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which paranoid billionaire always travels with heavy security and doesn't like any employees with him on the elevator - but also doesn't want to be seen as racist, so black staffers are allowed to share the lift?" [Page Six]
• Madonna and Guy Ritchie will host a preview of his film Revolver, which has not been released in the States but bombed abroad due to its "pretentious style and fractured storytelling." Hey, at least Madge isn't in it. [Gatecrasher]
• Did Heath Ledger spend Thanksgiving hitting on pretty brunettes? And did any of them give him the time of day? [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which singing heartthrob currently tied to an actress is really single and living out his sex fetish dreams with different girls all over the country?" [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which A-list pop star snaps her fingers angrily when clubgoers spill drinks on her, causing her burly bodyguard to immediately run for napkins? She doesn't even bother to thank him when he hands them to her." [Rush & Molloy]
• Foxy Brown is out of prison on good behavior! [TMZ]
• George Clooney and Don Cheadle are being honored by Nobel laureates for their efforts to bring peace to Darfur. [People]
• Kate Moss and boyfriend Jamie "Hotel" Hince had a fight... over Pete Doherty. Kate apparently misses being on stage with Pete, and was considering joining him at a gig; Jamie was all "Nuh-uh." [Mirror]
• Lily Allen reveals one of the reasons she dropped 20 lbs: Doctors discovered she had a heart murmur. [Mirror]
• Despite fainting, divorce and critics who say she can't dance, Marie Osmond is the popular choice on Dancing With The Stars, sigh. [ABC News]

Or, as Dodai pointed out, perhaps Foxy just borrowed the idea for her album cover from this movie, the same way she borrowed her name from it.

What a tragic sight... Foxy Brown walked into the Brooklyn courtroom wearing no hair extensions, no makeup, no Christian Louboutin stilettos. She wore a sad, brown corduroy jacket and contrasting plaid pants that were not from Prada, but H&M. Her braided hair was matted.

It's been particularly bad in the press lately, from all the fat jokes about Britney Spears to the nasty gang rape comment Peyser's colleagues made about writer Vanessa Grigoriadis. Frankly, it's a lazy method, but more than that, it's so fucking sexist it blows our minds. For instance, was the following passage really necessary?

I've been watching Foxy's court escapades for more than a year, watching her come late, make excuses, and laugh off the justice system. I even trailed her during a memorable appearance when she could barely keep her shirt on.

Jail Takes Toll On Dowdy Cell-Ebrity Foxy [NY Post]

• Heath Ledger: continuing his "Michelle who?" tour by being seen making out with model Helena Christensen. [Page Six]
  
• Heath was also seen getting the digits of a "waifish 6 ft blond" who was David Blaine's date. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Stuart Townsend on Charlize Theron: "There's no big official story on a wedding, but we are married. ... I consider her my wife and she considers me her husband." [People]
  
• Britney Spears and Kevin Federline met at her lawyer's office yesterday — Jayden's first birthday and five days before they're due in family court. Britney was to end the "public debacle" but Kevin "needs more money." Sigh. [People]
  
• Even wildlife live in fear of Naomi Campbell: She has plans to open a five-star casino and hotel on the Indian Ocean — which marine experts say will have a negative effect on the sea turtle population. [Page Six]

• Bouncers "escorted" James Garfunkel, the "skinny" 16-year-old son of Art Garfunkel, out of the fashion week tents right before the Anna Sui show for reasons no one seems to know. [Page Six]
• Viggo Mortensen fans should be sure to check out his new flick Eastern Promises, in which he is naked in a steam room for ten minutes while fighting off knife-wielding killers. [Page Six]
• Carmen Electra "performed" at a 2(x)ist fashion week show, but only one person was allowed to take pictures: Her manager's brother (who is a photographer). Makes sense. [Gatecrasher]
• Justin "Hi, I'm a Mac" Long: Seen drunk and spilling stuff on himself, yawn. [Gatecrasher, 2nd item]
• You've hear this before, but a source at Diddy's party — 12 hours before the show — says Britney Spears was so drunk "she couldn't stand." [Gatecrasher, 3rd item]
• Blind item! "Which white-hot young actor had to be asked by a Los Angeles nightclub manager to at least take his cocaine to the bathroom if he was going to do it in the middle of the club?" [Gatecrasher, last item]
• LL Cool J thinks Kid Rock and Tommy Lee should brawl on pay-per-view. We'd watch. [Rush & Molloy ]
• Simon Cowell thinks Britney Spears can "turn it around." [TMZ]
• Foxy Brown, despite what she told the New York Post, is not pregnant. [TMZ]
• Christina Aguilera is pregnant, but you already knew that. [OK!]
• Is Jennifer Lopez pregnant? [The Sun]
• Pete Doherty, football team manager? [TheSun]

• Paris Hilton and Entourage star Adrian Grenier are hanging out because he's making a documentary about the paparazzi — although they "looked pretty couple-y at her Malibu house party last Saturday." [Rush & Molloy, 2nd item]
  
• The Obama Girl might vote for Hillary Clinton. Also, she'll be in the October issue of Playboy. Of course. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• At a tennis clinic in East Hampton, Vogue's Anna Wintour asked Roger Federer what he was going to wear to the U.S. Open. (Answer: blue and white for day matches, black for night.) [Rush & Molloy, 9th item]
  
• Sandra Bernhard thinks being famous today is without dignity. "You have to be like Paula Abdul and fall all over yourself and pretend you're strung out on something and behave like a freak," she says. "Paris Hilton and all these sorts of people can be famous now?" Crap, she's right. [The Sun]

• Foxy Brown is headed to NYC's Rikers Island. She'll stay in the Rose M. Singer Center, a women's jail, but we're sure it's still absolutely horrifying. Good luck, Foxy! [TMZ]
• When Warren Beatty's 8-year-old daughter asked what an orgasm is, he told her it's "a sexual sneeze." Man, it is too early to be thinking about this. [Page Six]
• Jeff Bridges wears an "complexly coiffed wig" to play a character based on Vanity Fair editor-in-chief Graydon Carter in the movie version of How To Lose Friends And Alienate People. Bridges will always be "The Dude" to us! [Page Six]
• Richard Gere doesn't need a butt double. Man, it is way too early to be thinking about this. [Page Six]
• Paris Hilton paid $2 million to make a lawsuit filed by Zeta Graff, Paris Latsis' ex-girlfriend, go away. Isn't there a more fun way to settle an heiress vs. heiress lawsuit? Arm wrestling, maybe? [Page Six]
• Joanna Krupa, a model we've never heard of, says other models are too thin. Thanks for the news flash! [Page Six]
• Bridget Moynahan gave birth to a boy yesterday, as we predicted. Tom Brady, the father, was either there or not there. The Post doesn't know, or they don't want to piss off Gisele. [PageSix]
• Vivica Fox's 43rd birthday party was kind of a mess, with a missing Rolls-Royce, an uninvited guest with a pending attempted murder charge, and a bounced check for $2500. Happy Birthday! [Gatecrasher]
• Actress and Tommy Hilfiger model Joy Bryant is engaged to a man named Sade. No need to ask, he's a smooth operator. [Gatecrasher, 2nd item]
• Blind item! "Which Oscar-winning actor was recently spotted enjoying a summer cocktail with a male friend at the very gay Ramrod Club in Mykonos?" [Gatecrasher, last item]
• Pete Doherty news! The junkie rock star is accused of attacking a photographer. She claims she was "left with bruises and lost clumps of hair after she was assaulted by Doherty." Seriously? Honestly? How come Pete doesn't have a reality show? A fun romp with musical interludes, like The Monkees? [The Sun]
• Britney Spears: dissed by Swedish pop duo, who won't work with her because it could tarnish their image. [Daily Express]
• New MTV awards rumor: Justin Timberlake and Madonna, together. We'd actually rather see Britney Spears and Criss Angel Mindfreak, because that's the kind of crap you tell your grandkids about, but whatevs. [E!]

Foxy Brown Accused Of Lying To NJ Police [USA Today]
Earlier: Foxy Brown: A History Of Violence

1997

• At 17 years of age, Foxy received a 30-day suspended sentence and 80 hours of community service for assault after she spat on two hotel workers in Raleigh, North Carolina. What prompted the attack? They told her they didn't have an iron available.

2000

• Foxy crashed her Range Rover while driving in Brooklyn, and was subsequently arrested for driving with a suspended license.
  
• After all but destroying her relationships with childhood friends Jay-Z and Nas due to her erratic behavior, Foxy checked into rehab at the ripe old age of 20 for addiction to painkillers.

2001

• A shooting that took place outside of NYC radio station Hot 97 was said to be sparked by the long-running feud between Foxy and Lil' Kim. Neither woman was arrested in connection with the incident.

2002

• Foxy was arrested in Jamaica for an "altercation" with a policewoman at the airport there. She never showed for her court appearance, so she's totally screwed if she ever goes back.

2003

• Foxy went on the Wendy Williams radio show and lashed out at then-Def Jam president Lyor Cohen, saying that he was in cahoots with P. Diddy to illegally trade the masters of her recordings on her unreleased album. She went on to blame Cohen for causing her to have a miscarriage from stress.
  
• Foxy was dropped from Def Jam.

2004

• Foxy was charged with attacking two manicurists in NYC after refusing to pay a twenty-dollar bill. She refused to plea bargain, and was sentenced to three years probation and anger management classes.

2005

• Rapper Jacki-O claimed that she and Foxy got into it in a recording studio in Miami. What started as a verbal fight quickly turned into a physical altercation. Jacki says she won the fight. Foxy publicly insisted that Jacki exaggerated the incident to gain press for her album.
  
• In December '05, Foxy was in court over the manicurist assault from 2004. She was handcuffed to the bench after she stuck her tongue out at the judge, but not before she hit the court officer who was fastening the handcuffs. She refused to apologize until she was threatened with 30 days in jail for contempt.
  
• On the steps of the courthouse that December, Foxy's lawyer confirmed rumors that she'd gone deaf after being diagnosed with "sensorineural hearing loss." She fired him right afterwards.

2006

• Foxy had surgery for her hearing issues and claimed the problem is 100% fixed, despite reports that she wears a hearing aid.

2007

• In February, Foxy was in a beauty supply store in Broward County, Florida, applying makeup in the bathroom. An employee of the store told her the store was closing and it was time to leave. Foxy became enraged, refused to leave, and threw hair glue at the employee, and then spat on him after he called 911. She took a swing at the police officer that showed up on the scene, who apparently had to "use a take-down maneuver to gain control" of her. She was then arrested and spent the night in jail. She failed to show up for her court appearance and a warrant has been issued for her arrest.
  
• In March, Foxy plead guilty for violating probation by leaving New York without permission. Her probation was extended by another six months.
  
• In June, Foxy was jumped by three female friends of her ex-BF, whom she allegedly dumped because she found out he was a pimp, in the literal sense. The allegedly beat her and tore out her weave. The ex-BF was arrested for assault, but then Foxy came out and denied that the attack ever happened, despite the fact that her smashed hearing aid was found on the scene.
  
• In July, The New York Post's "Page Six" reported that Foxy had been missing for a week, and her lawyers and family had no idea where she was. She later resurfaced at an awards show, with no explanation for her disappearance.

• It's like American Idol but better! Cast your votes now for what Britney Spears's new album should be titled; all options (including one mocking Lindsay Lohan) are available for your voting pleasure on Brit's website. [ABC News]
  
• Ruth Graham, wife of Reverend Billy Graham, passed away today. [CNN]
  
• Foxy Brown, unfortunately, will not be going to jail anytime soon. [USA Today]
  
• A border collie saved a baby horse. [ABC News]
  
• 2 U.S. war casualties identified today by the Department of Defense. [DoD]

Britney goes to rehab. Then leaves.
[Extra]. [TMZ].

Hugh Grant and Jemima Khan split (we never liked her for him anyway). [People.com]

Police officer uses "takedown maneuver" on Foxy Brown before arresting her. [E ! Online]

Beauty treatments and cosmetics seem to send rapper Foxy Brown into a rage. Now the pouty-lipped label-whore is in hot water again after an altercation at a Florida beauty-supply shop yesterday:

Rapper Foxy Brown was arrested in Florida and held overnight for battery and obstruction of justice, according to the arrest record and local newspaper reports on Friday.

Brown, whose real name is Inga Marchand, was detained at a Pembroke Pines beauty-supply shop on Thursday night after a disturbance there, The Miami Herald newspaper said.

"Battery"? "Obstruction of justice"? We think those may be code for "She hit a cop!". No word yet on whether this latest arrest will affect the 3 years' probation Foxy received after her last freak-out. We can only hope.

Foxy Brown Arrested in Florida [Yahoo]

Foxy Brown Busted [TheSmokingGun]