• Lindsay Lohan accidentally ruined a cake at a Victoria's Secret party, as she thought the cake was actually a giant perfume bottle. "She accidentally poked a hole right in the middle of it." says a source. Team Pie shenanigans! [PageSix]

• Meanwhile, Michael Lohan is furious that the judge at Lindsay's recent probation hearing didn't order his daughter to go to rehab: "She needs to put my daughter in rehab," Lohan says, "How could that judge have let her just walk in to court and walk right back out? The least they could have done was give her a drug test at the door." [RadarOnline]
• Dina Lohan however, just used her Oh Snap Flowchart on Michael, releasing this statement: "Michael Lohan needs to focus on being a parent, paying child support, of which he is six months behind, and making up for all the years he was an absentee dad," Dina says, "And stop going on national television talking about his children publicly."
  Lindsay, meanwhile, is reportedly considering taking a restraining order out against her father. [People]
• Mickey Rourke allegedly is "fascinated with the Mafia" and once "created his own crew in a "male-bonding ceremony" in Los Angeles with 13 friends who swore allegiance to one another." [PageSix]
• Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper were spotted together in Vancouver, and according to DJ Leanne who dined at the same restaurant as the couple, ""Renée was very happy. She was laughing, smiling. They were very cute. They were definitely having a good time and seemed happy." [People]
• Stephanie Santoro, former nanny to the Gosselins (who also claims she hooked up with Jon), says that the Gosselin kids love filming Jon and Kate Plus 8, and that Jon Gosselin is on a monstrous power trip right now. All he does want out of everything is control. He wants to be in control of everything in his life," she said, "including Kate." [LATimes]
• "I was pretty upset. I don't like to think of him sitting in a prison cell. But I wouldn't comment upon it because it's a very complicated issue, you know? It seems odd. He's been living in Switzerland for years and I've visited him there, so this is all very strange."- Ewan McGregor on Roman Polanski [LATimes]
• Kiera Knightley, Amy Winehouse, and Nicole Kidman all all being considered to play Dusty Springfield in an upcoming biopic. [DailyExpress]
• "I don't see it as being from a misogynistic point of view. On the contrary, I don't find any hatred there. For me, the woman character was him. I felt I was playing him. The vulnerability of that woman is Lars."-Charlotte Gainsbourg on her role in the controversial film, Antichrist. [LATimes]
• "It's funny, because I haven't had one ounce of Botox or any of that. I finally got gray hairs in the past couple years, and I wore it on ER, but they made me cover it up in this show. I don't want to be one of those weird-looking guys who gets old but stays looking young."-John Stamos on his youthful appearance [TheAdvocate]
• "I'm old. It's an interesting thing to watch yourself grow older on screen. I was watching Up In The Air and I thought, 'Jesus, who's the old gray-haired guy?' And it was me. I never wear makeup for movies and now it's starting to show."- George Clooney [Telegraph]
• Busta Rhymes has been ordered to pay $75,000 to a man he assaulted in 2003. [UPI]
• Jermaine Jackson's ex-wife, Alejandra Jackson, claims that Jermaine owes $35,550 in court-ordered child support. [TMZ]
• Kim Kardashian's was robbed last night; the robber made off with several pieces of jewelry, including a Cartier watch. [TheSun]
• Megan Fox was crowned "Best Sci-Fi Actress" at the Spike TV Scream Awards last night. [DailyMail]
• "Most of my humor is how totally ridiculous I am. I can find endlessly funny things about me or our life. The grand statement followed upon stepping in the pile of poo."- Ted Danson [LATimes]
• Real Housewives' star Bethenny Frankel is engaged to boyfriend Jason Hoppy. "It feels great, because I'm with the right person," Frankel says. [People]
• Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are rolling their eyes at this right now, according to a source who says the pair "never used to pay attention to what was being written about them in the media but in recent weeks, they've become fascinated by it. They're obsessed with Googling themselves to find out what the bloggers and fans are saying about them. They find all the rumors hilarious!" [ShowbizSpy]
• Madonna is currently being sued by neighbors in her Central Park apartment building, who claim Madonna is using the space to rehearse and subjecting them all to "blaring music, stomping and shaking walls," for three hours a day. [Mirror]
• Are Madonna and Guy Richie getting back together? A source says maybe possibly who knows: "The pair of them have huge egos so, rather than speaking directly to one another, they are using friends to relay information. The truth is both Guy and Madonna are becoming more and more open in their admissions that in many ways they regret getting divorced." [ShowbizSpy]
• "When I'm singing in the studio, I have an image in my mind of sitting at a table with somebody and they're sitting right across from me and I'm telling them something," he says. "There's a lot of music and a lot of people out there who can tell you how they feel, but if you can tell somebody how they feel and they didn't realize it until you told them, then you've got something." -Tim McGraw [WashingtonPost]
• Hugh Jackman's people are reportedly pushing the actor to turn down a second stint hosting the Oscars, as "he's a movie star, not a song and dance man." [DeadlineHollywood]
• Sting's wife, Trudie Styler calls him "Pookie," because, as Sting explains, "Pookie means magic mushroom. It's because we used to take so many when we were younger." [TheSun]

• Conan O'Brien landed in the hospital yesterday due to an injury sustained during a Tonight Show stunt. A source says O'Brien was "running down a flight of stairs when he slipped and banged his head, possibly sustaining a concussion." [E!]

• Though the network has not yet released any details about Conan's condition or if he's been released from the hospital, they did release a statement allegedly made by O'Brien himself: ""Last thing I remember I was enjoying the play with Mrs. Lincoln and the next thing I knew I was in bed being served cookies and juice." [NYTimes]
• Conan was also cracking jokes during his ambulance ride to the hospital. Is it wrong that I hope he made a Nomi Malone/Showgirls reference regarding Jay Leno and the flight of stairs? [TMZ]
• The rumors about Lindsay Lohan trashing a hotel room during a fight with Samantha Ronson are apparently untrue, as Lohan was in Texas, not New York, when the fight supposedly broke out. [PageSix]
• Meanwhile, producers of Celebrity Big Brother UK are trying to line up Lohan for the last season of the show. [TheSun]
• Seth Rogen's dream came true when he was asked to co-write and lend his voice to the first episode of the upcoming season of The Simpsons, where he'll spoof his own Green Hornet experience by playing a trainer assigned to whip Homer into shape for a big budget action film. "As a writer, it always just seemed like the Holy Grail," Rogen says, "I can die a happy man now." [AP]
• Randy Quaid and his wife allegedly have their hotel bill-hopping scheme "down to a science," according to a Santa Barbara County Sheriff, who notes that the couple have pulled similar stunts before. [TMZ]
• Miley Cyrus will reportedly be movin her hips like yeah in the Sex and the City sequel: "Miley sees this as a transition from teen stardom to more adult roles," says a source, "We're all wondering how long it will take Kim to have Miley knocking back Cosmos and ogling all the men. Seriously though, all the girls are excited to have Miley on board." I think it will take 5 years, source! Because she's only 16 years old like yeah, so it's a straight edge party on the set in the USA while the cameras are rolling, know what I'm sayin? [ShowbizSpy]
• Afeni Shakur has donated over 150 pieces of her son, Tupac's work to the Robert W. Woodruff Library at the Atlanta University Center. The collection includes handwritten notes, lyrics, and poetry. [AP]
• Mary-Louise Parker is dating musician Charlie Mars. He's 10 years younger than she is, so get ready for 6-8 months of stupid cougar references. [People]
• Ashton Kutcher's The Beautiful Life, starring Mischa Barton, has been canceled by the CW after only 2 episodes. Sadly, no one has canceled the similarly-titled Ace of Base song from my brain since I read this item earlier this morning. [THR]
• Catherine Zeta-Jones and husband Michael Douglas shared a birthday yesterday; she turned 40 and he turned 65. "'When you live in Los Angeles you can't go anywhere without being critiqued - on the fact that you have gained weight or that you have got spots on your face. That's not the life I want," Jones says, "Deciding to live in beautiful Bermuda was the healthiest thing Michael and I ever did. Now that I have kids, that's what my life is about." [DailyMail]
• "I've been afraid of the dark my whole life. If I go into my house at night and the lights have been turned off... I have to run from the door to the light switch to turn it on... I'm just afraid of what I can't see. I watch a lot of paranormal shows, like Ghost Hunters... and they freak me out." -Megan Fox [DailyExpress]
• Brett Ratner had to convince producers to allow an autobiographical sex scene in his short for New York, I Love You, wherein a character loses his virginity to "a paraplegic dangling from a tree." Ratner, who apparently lost his own virginity this way, says "When I sent the original script, which is autobiographical, the producers would not let me film it because, in the original ending, she (the girl) is a cripple, and they have sex as she's hanging from a tree in Central Park. Everyone was freaking out over my short, so I changed it to where she wasn't a cripple, but an actress pretending to be a cripple." [DailyExpress]
• Jay-Z says that he's thankful his mother, Gloria, set up a meeting between him and his estranged father, whose absence caused a great deal of "resentment and anger" in his life, as it allowed him to better understand his father's choices. [ShowbizSpy]
• Michael Jackson admitted in an interview to Rabbi Shmuley Boteach that he was terrified of growing old and that he felt Madonna was jealous of him: "'I think she was in love with me and I was not in love with her." [DailyMail]
• Boteach also says that Jackson had "lost the will to live" and was embarrassed about his appearance, noting that he felt he looked like a "lizard." [Reuters]
• "I just hit 40, so what more can I say? I mean, the fact that I'm 40 is a miracle. I'm on the other side now."- Christian Slater [ShowbizSpy]
• J.K. Rowling has opened a Twitter account. Rita Skeeter has already sent her 82930283 direct messages, asking for scoops. [EW]
• And now for my favorite news ever: Snoop Dogg is a big fan of the 90s British sitcom Keeping Up Appearances: ""They still run the show on BBC America so I think Mrs Bucket must have some sort of cult following in the US. I still watch the show to this day and it makes me laugh so hard. She has to be one of the funniest people on TV." [TheSun]

But they dragged that shit OUT. So. First Tali had a little chat with Luke's devout Christian grandma, who, upon hearing that Tali was from Israel, was like O RLY? But turned out to be cool, because she is cool like that. (Clip above.)

Then Tali had to endure conversation with Luke's dad, who wanted to talk about Jews and Christians and "conflict." All of his body language said, You mean to tell me my son is thinking of marrying a durn furriner and a JEW for cryin out loud? Dad: Let the kids be!

Luke's dog Max did not get enough screen time.

Next Luke's family met Malissa. You could almost see the relief in their faces: She's blonde, all-American, probably not Jewish, yay!

For Luke's dad, it was love at first sight.

When Luke's dad found out Malissa likes beer, he was all, WOW. Then he proclaimed that she had "Irish eyes," which I guess is a huge compliment? Or maybe she smiles with her eyes? Smeyes?

Next the ladies met Luke's mom, who is sharp as a tack and can smell bullshit a mile away. She talked to both ladies about why they would even be on a show called More To Love, and while Tali said it was because she wanted to prove something about big girls and size doesn't matter and so on, Malissa said "on a whim." Malissa also told Luke's mom that she wasn't a chubby kid growing up and had only recently gained weight.

Luke's mom's diagnosis: Tali = awesome. Malissa? Silence.

Later Luke went for his last dinner with Tali and they got a little boozy and so forth and she was like, "I love you. I love you so much. I wanted to wait, but I couldn't." Luke said, "I love you too."

They made out.

Then Luke went for his last dinner with Malissa, who was all, "If you ask me to marry you, yes, yes, a thousand times yes." Luke was like, "You're such an amazing woman, yadda yadda." Then she said: "I love you." And he said: "I love you too, Malissa." SCANDAL!

Next Luke went ring shopping, and because the producers wanted to fill two hours, he looked at TWO RINGS…

…And described TWO women to the sales clerk who was just excited to be on tee vee.

Finally, in one last ring ceremony, Luke said to Malissa — and I'm paraphrasing here — you're a great gal, but see ya.

He asked Tali: "Will you marry me?" She said "Yes." The moral of the story is that a 300 pound Christian dude can date a whole bunch of fatties and end up with a hot stacked Israeli Jew. The end.

Oh wait: Tali would like to shout-out "the big girls out there."

Stay tuned for More To Love Too: There's Enough Of Me To Go Around — Malissa's Journey or whatever crap Fox will almost definitely cook up next.

• This morning Lindsay Lohan posted an incoherent rant about Samantha Ronson on Twitter. She writes: "can you make an attempt to not ruin ANYTHI...zG positive that i have FINALLY deserved just to cry myself to sleep with your cheats, errors..."

• ...and thank you...for being a friend before a sell-out...the term "self out" was coined from ME and i gave them sooooooo much insight...For their not only COMPLETE, BUT SUBSTANISAN ***FRIENDS***********"... BUT YOU DID perform to her..you JUST told me that your friends are worth more than i am 2 your family & that i'm gross*thx." Linds hasn't claimed that it's the work of a hacker... yet. [Perez Hilton]
• Courtney Love says she's going to "sue the shit" out of the people behind Guitar Hero because they didn't ask her permission to use Kurt Cobain's image. She Tweeted: "not in twenty JILLION years would i EVER have allowed this and this islethal... we get NO money for this, travesty, Frances gets NO money for the rape." [TMZ]
• John Mayer denied the rumors that he's dating Kristin Cavallari on Twitter writing, "I'm sure she's a wonderful gal but we have never tasted the Skittles Rainbow together." Adding, "How do I put this like a gentleman...I have never high fived Kristin Cavalari with my penis." [People]
• Jennifer Aniston will sing and play the guitar in her new film The Goree Girls. She promises: "I can carry a tune." [People]
• A source says Paula Abdul was shocked by the news that Ellen DeGeneres is replacing her on American Idol. "Privately, Paula is very upset. She's never going to admit it publicly but this stung," said the source.[Radar Online]
• Ellen DeGeneres says of hosting American Idol, "I hope Paula's OK with it. I don't want anybody to think I took Paula's job away." [E!]
• Ellen says the reason she was picked even though she has no music experience is, "I'm just a fan like everyone else... The people choose. Ultimately, it comes down to them, not some executive in the music industry. I hope to be that voice." [L.A. Times]
• Randy Jackson says American Idol "reached out" to Ellen because, "We're all friends with Ellen, and Ryan [Seacrest] and I are pretty close with her. She's just mad cool." [People]
• Natalie Cole performed last night for the first time since having a kidney transplant. "I really do have to say ... it really is a miracle time. It's a miracle night for me," she told the crowd. "I never thought I'd be standing here healthy and whole and 100 percent." [People]
• Though Jermaine Jackson announced Natalie Cole, Chris Brown, and Mary J. Blige were going to perform at the Michael Jackson tribute concert in Vienna they've all dropped out or denied they were ever involved. Yet, their pictures are still up on the concert's website. [TMZ]
• Katherine Jackson, who is reportedly not happy about the Michael Jackson tribute concert, released a statement saying she'll be there on the 29th. The only problem is it's on the 26th. [TMZ]
• Barbara Walters interviewed LaToya Jackson for a 20/20 special that will air on Friday, in which she says of Michael Jackson, "I don't think we'll find a person as talented, a person who thought the way he thought. A person with the heart that Michael had... People aren't that way anymore. He was special. He wasn't God, but he was certainly God-like. He was the closest thing to a god that I knew." [ABC News]
• Movers are taking Michael Jackson's possessions out of his Holmby Hills mansion today. [TMZ]
• The trailer for Michael Jackson: This Is It, the movie made from rehearsal footage from MJ's final concert, will air on Sunday during the MTV Video Music Awards. [AP]
• Oprah says of her upcoming interview with Whitney Houston, "It will leave you gasping. She does not blame Bobby Brown and she takes full responsibility for her engagement in drugs. At one point she says, 'I didn't get out of my pyjamas for seven months.'" [The Sun]
• The hosts and musical guests on the first four episodes of Saturday Night Live this season will be Megan Fox and U2, Ryan Reynolds and Lady Gaga, Drew Barrymore and Regina Spektor, and Gerard Butler and Shakira. [The Wrap]
• Barbara Mandrell has become the first woman to be inducted into the Steel Guitar Hall of Fame. [AP]
• Edward Norton will be running the New York City marathon this year with a group of runners from the African Maasai tribe to benefit the Maasai Wilderness Conservation Trust. "The idea picked up traction pretty quickly," said Norton, who turned 39 in August. "Then, I was like, 'Wait a minute. What have I just done?'" [CNN]
• Gavin Rossdale will guest star on an episode of Criminal Minds as "a Goth rock star who has become lost in the frightening alter-ego he portrays on stage — an alter-ego the show's investigative team suspects may be a brutal serial killer." [UPI]
• Paris Hilton appears in the new edition of the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations alongside Barack Obama, Confucius, and Oscar Wilde. Paris' words of wisdom: "Dress cute wherever you go, life is too short to blend in."[Daily Mail]
• Dustin Diamond is being sued for more than $21,000 in upaid property taxes and had his car repossessed. [Radar Online]
• Robert Carlyle says that director Danny Boyle is "edging closer" to making Porno, the sequel to Trainspotting, and says he'd be willing to do the movie for free. Ewan McGregor has said the sequel would be a "terrible shame." [BBC]
• Michael Douglas says he's "holding up fine," after his son Cameron's arrest for alleged drug dealing, adding, "It's a very difficult situation and painful, as I'm sure any mother or father of a substance abuser knows. So we're doing the best we can." [People]
• Jon Gosselin just can't behave himself. He got a ticked for going 78 mph in a 55 mile zone near his home in Pennsylvania. [TMZ]
• Joel Madden Tweeted on Wednesday morning, "Geuss who's back ... Oh i'm sorry we were only having a little baby boy." [People]
• Tila Tequila met with investigators from the San Diego District Attorney's office to discuss the altercation she had with San Diego Charger Shawne Merriman. [TMZ]
• Hugh Hefner went to Kendra Wilkinson's baby shower yesterday wearing a black suit and a bright red shirt rather than his customary pajamas. [TMZ]
• Laura Ling reveals that on her first night back from North Korea she ate pizza, and says Bill Clinton has been checking up on her family since her return. [TMZ]
• Melanie Chisholm a.k.a. Sporty Spice is making her theater debut next month in Blood Brothers on London's West End. [The Guardian]
• Geri Halliwell has been in Nepal all week as part of her duties as a goodwill ambassador for the United Nations Population Fund. She's promoting maternal health and women's rights. At a press conference she urged Nepali men to use their power to encourage and protect women saying, "When we empower women and take care of them everyone benefits." [Perez Hilton]
• Here's a picture of Cynthia Nixon on the set of Sex and the City 2 dressed up for the '80s flashback scene. [Perez Hilton]
• More Sex and the City 2 plot speculation here: [Us]
• Apparently there is nothing Sex and the City can't do. On an upcoming episode of her talk show Tyra Banks reveals the show helped her lose weight. "I got rid of one of my couches in my living room and I watched Sex and The City episodes on the treadmill or the elliptical," she says. "So Sex and the City lasts 30 minutes – that's how long I'm on the elliptical." [People]
• Phil Collins says he'll never drum again because, "I've got a condition that means I can't play anymore. After playing drums for 50 years, I've had to stop. Obviously I'm very sad about it. My vertebrae has been crushing my spinal cord because of the position I drum in. It comes from years of playing. I can't even hold the sticks properly without it being painful." [Perez Hilton]
• Kelsey Grammer won a lawsuit filed against him by a contractor who worked on his kitchen. [TMZ]
• At the link are photos from Japanese Vogue featuring Lady Gaga in bondage. [Egotastic]
• Artwork for the Broadway play A Steady Rain shows Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig's faces fused together. [Just Jared]
• In the video at the link George Clooney keeps his cool even when an Italian journalist tells him he's gay, strips down to his boxers, and asks George to "choose him." [ABC News]
• Khloé Kardashian and boyfriend Lamar Odom seem to want to get their picture taken, since they've been hitting all the paparazzi hot spots. [E!]
• Joshua Jackson says Fringe, "has been the total opposite of my Dawson's Creek experience... Fringe has taken a while for the show to percolate in the pop culture. I would never complain about being on a show with the words J.J. Abrams above the title, but the expectations were impossibly high." [Just Jared]
• "[Being 16] is way overrated. I can't even drive in the city. Can you do more at 17? I don't know." — Taylor Momsen [New York Magazine]
• Rebecca Romijn says she and Jerry O'Connell aren't planning to have any more children now that they have twin girls. "We feel like the world was made for pairs. Four feels like the perfect number... Also, we're not interested in overpopulating this world," she added. "So we feel like we don't want to leave more than we are when we leave this planet." [E!]
• When asked if she would ever do a talk show Kathy Griffin said, "The sexism in late night talk is so profound. When you think that Joan Rivers is the first and last woman to do a network late night talk show-I mean, that's appalling to me. I don't know if I can win that battle-it's such a boys' club.... I'd like to do it in some way, but I gotta tell you, I like the freedom of a show like The D-List, where I can take my time with these celebrities and spend more than six minutes with them on the couch." [Publisher's Weekly]
• Drew Barrymore and an uncomfortable-looking Ellen Page are on the cover of Marie Claire. Drew says of Ellen, "She was in her frickin' bra and with an open jacket and hot-pink shorts, skating around the rink with red lips and… and she was sexy as a mother…. a feral creature. It was great. And it's so screwed up for girls to think, Oh because I don't have that cookie-cutter model body, it must mean I don't have the right body shape. And I love model bodies, but I just want women to embrace several body shapes. That's the thing I love about derby. It's really welcoming." [Just Jared]

But duh, of course it was. Luke and chunky dudes like Jack Black, Kevin James and Seth Rogen always get the ladies, where as women are supposed to be THIN THIN THIN! Anyway: Malissa doesn't care how much Luke weighs. So Luke took her back to his hotel room…

…Where his bed was strewn with flowers.

And they made out.

I really enjoyed this Frankensoundbite of Malissa saying that she was shocked that a dolphin could support their weight. Kudos to someone in the editing room for cobbling those sounds together, because those words may have come out of Malissa's mouth, but not in that order.

The next day, Luke had a date with Tali, who, can I just note, is STUNNING?

Hot. Period.

Luke informed Tali that they'd be going snorkeling, and Tali, though she'd been in the Israeli Navy, informed him that she had a fear of water.

So Tali was scared.

And sad.

But she went snorkeling anyway!

And somehow Luke talking her through getting in the ocean made Tali fall in love with Luke and so on. And even though he's dating two other women, which Tali finds "annoying and disturbing"…

Luke took Tali back to his hotel room, where the bed was strewn with flowers.

And they made out.

Lastly, Luke went out with Mandy.

He told her he could picture himself being married to her. Then they made out on a bed strewn with flowers.

The next day, he eliminated her from the show.

Only two ladies left: Who will Luke propose to?

Take Malissa, seen in the clip above. When Puke Luke took her out on a one-on-one date in last night's episode, he gushed, "we'd have some good-looking kids." My theory is that he will end up with Malissa at the end of the show, because all of the other women have jobs like stylist/model/fitness instructor, and Malissa is a waitress. He says he wants someone who has her own dreams, but it seems like he really wants a woman to be a kid-producing housewife.

And seriously, in which universe is this woman Malissa fat, unattractive, or someone who finds it tough to meet a man?

Let's face it: She knows that she is hot.

Here are the other ladies in the final four:

Mandy, who is not fat and is, in fact, a fitness instructor.

Anna, who is not fat, and makes her living as a plus-size model.

Tali, the simply gorgeous Israeli stylis/decorator who is not fat.

There's still some drama left in the show:Malissa also seems to have (or has been edited to have) an evil streak.

She let loose a barrage of questions on sensitive Mandy, which made Mandy cry and say, "I'm an emotional wreck."

Then again, when Luke met Mandy's parents, her mom called Mandy "crazy."

Actually, Luke went on four dates, and met with some family members with each of the four ladies, and came up with four things "wrong" with each. Malissa never babysat for her sister; Mandy might not be ready for marriage; Tali is Israeli; Anna travels a lot as a model. (Anna was eliminated last night. Awesome career? You're not for Luke!)

But the real problem is that the show that was supposed to be about the "real" or "overweight" people finding love is really about one guy with 3 gorgeous, busty women to choose from. Decisions, decisions!

• According to a search warrant, Dr. Conrad Murray is officially the target of a manslaughter investigation into the death of Michael Jackson. But more importantly, Michael's hair is being made into diamonds.

• Police issued a search warrant for a storage locker in Houston that Dr. Conrad Murray had his employees visit on the morning of Michael's death. According to the warrant, police are looking for, "items constituting evidence of the offense of manslaughter that tend to show that Dr. Conrad Murray committed the said criminal offense." [TMZ]
• Here are some more shady details about Dr. Conrad Murray: Police say he wasn't in the room when Michael Jackson's heart stopped. Murray says he found Michael in distress about a half an hour before he called 911 at 12:21 p.m., but that doesn't explain why he made his employees take a suspicious trip to his storage locker three hours earlier. [TMZ]
• When the feds raided Dr. Conrad Murray's Houston office earlier this week they too two Yahoo emails from Stacey Howe, correspondence addressed to Howe, and asked the office manager if she knew Howe. [TMZ]
• OMG: LifeGem is planning to make a lock of Michael Jackson's hair that fell off his head in the 1984 Pepsi commercial accident into diamonds. Producer Ralph Cohen found the lock of hair in his jacket after he threw it on MJ's head to put out the fire. "The provenance and authenticity of this lock of hair is impeccable, including the highly publicized video showing the original owner of the hair using his Armani jacket to extinguish Jackson's hair," said hair collector John Reznikoff, who sold some of the hair sample to LifeGem. The company is examining the hair to see how many laboratory diamonds they can get out of it. [UPI]
• Jon Gosselin and Kate Major are still at Michael Lohan's house. "They are still shacked up together because they don't want to be hounded by the media," said a source. Is it too much to hope that they'll stay in hiding forever? [Radar Online]
• Apparently not. Kate Major said today, "As a journalist, I get it... I realize being in the public eye often means facing criticism and being a target of hurtful lies. It simply comes with the territory." But she added, "I just want people to know that I am a nice and genuine person and anyone who knows me knows that." [E!]
• Kate Gosselin was photographed today without her wedding ring even though when she was asked last month why she still had it on she explained: "It would devastate my kids. It's not necessary. I was looking at it while I was in the shower this morning, and I thought, I'm not taking it off. I'm not ready." What could Jon have done to change her mind? [People]
• Ugh. People is polling it's readers on who's best for Jon Gosselin: Kate Gosselin, Kate Major or Hailey Glassman. So far Kate Gosselin in is winning, but we just want all of them to take a chastity vow. [People]
• According to multiple sources Adrian Grenier's junk is smelly and he has a hairy butt. [L.A. Rag Mag]
• Katrina Bowden of 30 Rock has made a bold admission: she doesn't find Robert Pattinson that attractive. "I think he's a good looking guy, but I'm not that into him," she said, "He's not really my type... He looks like he has a scowl on his face, which some people find very sexy. I like somebody who's more funny and jokey – a little less serious looking." [People]
• 45,000 stop signs in Wauwatosa, Wisconsin were vandalized to read "Stop Voldemort." Initially the police though Voldemort was a new tagger until an officer's seven-year-old son explained it. [The Guardian]
• Rihanna is back in the studio recording a new album, which a source says "will be the album to really give her an identity musically." It's goign to be more techo-based than her previous work. [People]
• Major League Soccer fined David Beckham $1,000 for threatening to fight L.A. Galaxy fans who booed him in his own stadium. [TMZ]
• Simon Cowell offered Anna Friel a record deal after he noticed her on a British soap opera in the 1990s. She explained, "Simon offered me a record deal twice, I was about 19. I wouldn't be here now if I'd said yes." [The Daily Express]
• In May after the Lost series finale, props and costumes from the show will be auctioned, including Kate's toy plane, Hurley's winning lottery ticket, and Locke's hunting knife. [UPI]
• E. Lynn Harris, a pioneer of gay black fiction died last night at the age of 54. He became ill at the Peninsula Hotel in Beverly Hills, but the cause of death is still unclear. [USA Today]
• Last night Kristen Cavallari told Chelsea Handler that Lauren Conrad is "a bit more reserved," while she's "more energetic." Chelsea replied: "Are you suggesting you have a personality?" Video here: [Entertainment Weekly]
• Isabelle Fuhrman, the 12-year-old girl who stars in Orphan is actually pretty adorable in real life. She said, "Usually I can't even see PG-13 movies unless my mom sees them before me. The only reason I was allowed to see [the R-rated Orphan] is that when we were on set in Montreal my mom said, 'I'll let you see the scenes you're in.' And then a producer tapped her on the shoulder and said, 'Uh, that's every single scene!'" But she still hasn't see the whole thing. She added, "My sister sat next to me in the theater and covered my eyes during scenes of Vera [Farmiga] and Peter [Sarsgaard] um, you know." She explains how they Photoshopped her to make her look scarier on the movie poster here: [W]
• Kim Zolciak of The Real Housewives of Atlanta says she's returning for another season because, "I figured in the second season you couldn't make me look any worse, so I might as well do it." She adds that her newfound fame on a cable reality show enables her to identify with Michael Jackson and Britney Spears. "I feel bad for Britney Spears," she says. "I look at her and I'm like they just tear up one side and down the other! Then the next month, she's doing so great. She's lost weight. She's a great mom all of a sudden. I kind of sympathize with her because I take a lot of that heat myself."
  [People]
• Eminem is a huge fan of The Wire , so he asked Dominic West to voice a British doctor on the first track of his new CD. West says Eminem was "very sweet" adding, "I'm the first thing you hear on his new album. Track No 1 is called Doctor West which is pretty cool, don't you think? He's a fan of The Wire - he's watched The Wire four times all the way through, he doesn't get out much, he's obsessed with The Wire. [Mirror]
• In this clip Megan Fox explains the plot of Jennifer's Body: The boys in Adam Brody's band, "sacrifice [Jennifer] thinking she's a virgin but she's not. She's not even a backdoor virgin." So the sacrifice backfires and she needs to feed on human flesh so she starts eating the boys in her high school. Diablo Cody says she wrote the script because "a lot of adolescent girls are ravenous. You feed on your friends and you feed on boys sexually and it's a time when emotions are heightened and you feel a little insane and... specifically with women you haven't seen this in a horror movie." [TMZ]

Luke Conley, the bachelor in question, is a 26-year-old former college offensive lineman and "ham by nature." He's 6-foot-3 and 330 pounds. He's apt to utter lines like "If she's got a big behind, she's a friend of mine." He saw a Craigslist ad seeking men who love full-figured women, and sent an e-mail which began, "Sugar, look no further. I am the man for you!"

(Even though two other guys were being considered for the show, they were ditched and Luke got the job. Executive producer SallyAnn Salsano says: "We all fell in love with Luke because he is so genuine. He makes the girls feel comfortable.")

The thing about Luke is that he seems like he is genuinely in it to find a girlfriend, or a wife. "Coming into this thing, I had hopes of meeting someone special, but I knew it's such a short amount of time to get to know someone," he says. On the day that the LA Times is present, he makes out with three or four women. Which is not to say that he's not sincere: Despite being prodded and questioned by producers, Luke says:

"The difficult part has been having to talk so much about what I'm feeling… I usually like to spend a lot of time in thought and process things before I just open and verbalize them. I feel that words are very powerful, so I want to choose them correctly."

But even if it seems like Luke Conley's heart is in the right place, what about the network? Home of My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance and The Littlest Groom? The Fox network + plus-size contestants = cringe.

Executive producer Mike Fleiss swears the tone is different from his other show, The Bachelor: "The Bachelor is about beautiful people living a beautiful life and hopefully finding a beautiful love," he explains. "This show is like a sporting event. You're rooting for someone to find love." So… Not beautiful? Just sweaty, and messy, like football or wrestling?

This article in the Independent claims that "Fatsploitation" TV in the UK only fuels the obesity crisis, making fat a "sideshow curiosity." The way fat people are portrayed can lead to "societal fat phobia" — people who would never make racist or sexist remarks end up saying prejudiced things about the overweight.

Fox President Mike Darnell says: "I'm really, really excited about this show. It's amazing, when you think of 50 or 60 iterations, that nobody's ever tried the simple idea to make it real women and a real guy rather than fake actors or wanna-be models, which is really what it's been up to this point." Amazing? Not sure about that. It's not surprising, really, given the way overweight people are treated in the media, that they would be neglected from being allowed to participate in a dating show. Fatties allowed to love or be loved? Madness! But what would be even more amazing? If these "real" people, these overweight singles with "more to love" were actually allowed to compete alongside slender people, instead of being segregated into a ghetto of a plus-size show. Do they have cooties or something? Let's face it, the show is a gimmick, right? You're tuning in not for love, but for fat, and the title reminds you that the people on the show are packing something extra. How is it not exploitation? Won't we just see a lineup of fat, single ladies desperate for a man, competing for his attention? Of course, Luke may be the show's saving grace, since he actually likes larger women (as many men, both slender and large, do). And the women aren't the only ones with something to lose. Luke says:

"I'm hoping that when I put my heart on the line that I don't end up being heartbroken because I am planning on making myself vulnerable to a special woman at the end of this whole thing."

A Bachelor Looks For 'More To Love' [LA Times]
Unhealthy Appetite: Is 'Fatsploitation' Fuelling The Obesity Crisis? [Independent]
Related: The Reality Of TV Dating Shows [LA Times]

• Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick's surrogate gave birth to their twin girls this morning in Ohio. Sarah Jessica and Matthew are at the hospital with the surrogate and released a statement saying:

• "Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are delighted to announce the healthy arrival of their two daughters. Marion Loretta Elwell Broderick weighed 5 lbs, 11oz and Tabitha Hodge Broderick weighed 6 pounds. Both Hodge and Elwell are family names on Parker's side. The babies are doing beautifully and the entire family is over the moon. [TMZ, ABC News]
• Kate Gosselin's brother Kevin Kreider and his wife Jodi Kreider were so outraged by Kate discussing her divorce on TV that they agreed to do an interview with Radar Online in their home minutes after last night's Jon and Kate Plus 8 ended. Kevin said, "We're just so heartbroken and sad about the announcement they made... an announcement that could be so life-shattering for a young child. It was used to gain ratings without any regard for my nieces and nephews." [Radar Online]
• Miranda Tozier-Robbins, the woman who was allegedly caught peeping into Britney Spears' home, pled not guilty today to charges of trespassing, peeping, and prowling. A pretrial date was is set for July 17. [TMZ]
• Lil Wayne attended a pretrial hearing in Arizona related to drug posession and weapons charges. The judge set another date for August 11. [USA Today]
• Darryl Hannah and others were arrested at a protest in West Virginia against mountaintop removal mining. Protesters were blocking a road near a coal processing plant. [USA Today]
• E! is now a "Speidi-Free Zone." The network won't cover Spencer and Heidi Pratt, "Barring any actual news (e.g., she gets knocked up, he falls off a cliff or-heaven help us-her album goes to No. 1), consider this their very last post." [E!]
• Audrina Patridge stars in a new Carl's Jr. ad. While wearing a gold bikini, she rolls around on the beach and eats a "healthier" Teriyaki Burger. She says, "To look this good in a bikini, I've got to give up, like, everything. But there's no way I'm giving up that Teriyaki burger. I'm totally obsessed. I have to be a little bad." [The Sun]
• While speaking at the National Conference on Volunteers and Service, Matthew McConaughey talked about expecting his second child with girlfriend Camilla Alves. "We are putting after-school fitness and wellness programs into underserved communities nationwide, teaching physical fitness, nutrition education, with an emphasis on daily gratitude for how much or how little we have," McConaughey said, "And now that I'm blessed to be a father myself – I got one at home [Levi] who's 11 months and as you people know, we have another one in the oven, three months – this foundation and its cause means even more to me." [People]
• Though Nick Cannon says wife Mariah Carey isn't pregnant, he's announced that when the day comes he'll be a great dad. "I want to be a father that's all about love," says Cannon. "That's the main thing to get right and at the end of the day it's just about smothering my children with love. The same way I do to my wife!" [People]
• Would you vote for President Jolie? Supposedly Angelina Jolie is thinking of entering politics. "Ange has admitted she's getting bored with Hollywood. She said she's now got her sights set on Washington," says a friend. "She is passionate about people's rights, war and justice and thinks she can get more hands-on and make even more of a difference by getting into politics. She admires Obama and thinks she could make a big difference too if she were in his position." [The Daily Express]
• Eve will appear in two episodes of Glee as a "no-nonsense girls' choir director from a rival school." Whitney Houston was being considered for the part. [Entertainment Weekly]
• According to the annual report of the British Board of Film Classification, several viewers complained about Dame Judi Dench's swearing in Quantum of Solace. "Almost every time Dame Judi swears in a film, regardless of its category, we can expect a number of complaints," said the report. "It seems that she should not use such language." [The Mirror]
• Nick Jonas is meeting with Speaker Nancy Pelosi's office this afternoon on behalf of the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. [Politico]
• Zac Efron has been signed to star in an untitled "sexy thriller." [The Hollywood Reporter]
• If you want to see some spoilers concerning whether or not Dominic Monaghan will return to Lost, read on: [E!]
• Sam Kinison's widow, Malika Borghese is suing Sam's brother for allegedly forging the comedian's will 17 years ago. She claims he rewrote the will to give himself most of his brother's estate, but she only found out in 2007. [TMZ]
• A coroner has announced that Former Wilco guitarist Jay Bennett died of an overdose of the pain killer fentanyl. He had posted on MySpace that he was getting ready for hip replacement surgery after years of pain. [AP]
• Despite rumors that she was given special treatment in prison, Foxy Brown says, "It was incarceration, not vacation. I only wore the designer clothing I was allowed to have." [The N.Y. Post]
• If you're a great tattoo artist, Megan Fox would like to meet you. "I'm looking for a really good artist," she said, "So if you fancy yourself one, try and find me. Have your people talk to my people, and I'll come see you." [E!]
• Paul McCartney has been telling friends he's confident that he'll live to be 100. "Paul has a hunch he'll still be here to mark his 100th year," says a family source. "At the end of the day he leads a pretty healthy life with a strict vegetarian diet and he exercises regularly. He certainly sees 100 as a reachable target." [The Daily Express]
• Courteney Cox will guest star in an episode of Lisa Kudrow's online comedy series Web Therapy, which is produced by Lexus for their branded entertainment network. Alan Cumming, Steven Weber and Victor Garber will also guest star in the second season. [Brand Week]
• Patti LuPone responded to the New York Times story on her pausing a performance to yell at an audience member who may have been photographing her. She wrote in an email: "I found the tone of your report very snide and feel compelled to write you to ask – what do expect me, or any performer for that matter, to do? Do we allow our rights to be violated (photography, filming and audio taping of performances is illegal) or tolerate rudeness by members of the audience who feel they have the right to sit in a dark theater, texting or checking their e-mail while the light from their screens distract both performers and the audience alike? Or, should I stand up for my rights as a performer as well as the audiences I perform for?" [N.Y. Times]
• Ellen DeGeneres says she and wife Portia de Rossi aren't going to have kids. "We have animals, and we love them. They don't talk back, and they don't explore their vocal chords out in public," said Ellen. "[Portia's] brother and his wife just had a baby girl who's a month old now, and it's fun to be a part of that. But no, I think, you know, we definitely thought about it. And it's something I think most people, as a relationship goes on, explore. But it's just a huge responsibility, and I don't know that that's something we want to take on. We're very happily married without children." [Ok]
• Melissa Auf der Maur says she only recorded background vocals for Courtney Love's solo album Nobody's Daughter because of producer Michael Beinhorn, who worked on the last Hole album, not because the band is reuniting. "Michael Beinhorn and I had an incredible working relationship on Celebrity Skin," Auf der Maur said. "And he called me and asked me if I would sing on [Courtney's] new solo record – which is what I understood it was. And I said 'Yes' because I enjoy working with him and ... well, she and I have a history of making music together. And I'm happy to visit her again in the future." [The Guardian]
• Melissa Leo plays Christian Bale's mom in the upcoming film The Fighter. When asked about her onscreen son's reputation for getting too into his roles, she said, "He does, but that's great. I met him on the airplane to Massachusetts a month and a half ago, before he had met his character Dicky. I watched him meet Dicky and right away saw how [Christian] absorbed him. Then, I saw him again a couple of weeks later when we got together to do work, and the transformation-wow. It has been amazing. It just delights me to see. Acting is so precious to me, and to see someone like Christian who really works at it and enjoys it...He's just amazing." [E!]
• Samuel L. Jackson says the only reason he wasn't in Mamma Mia! is that he wasn't aware his friend Phylida Lloyd was even working on it. He says, "I missed that because a friend of mine actually directed Mamma Mia! And I didn't know it until I saw her last year at the British Film Awards and they won all of these awards. I would have called to be in Mamma Mia! I'm a huge Abba fan." [The Daily Express]

• Police are investigating Lindsay Lohan because she's accused of walking off with the jewels she wore during a photo shoot for British Elle. [The Sun]

• Madonna released a statement through her rep saying, "I am extremely grateful for the Supreme Court's ruling on my application to adopt Mercy James... I am ecstatic. My family and I look forward to sharing our lives with her." [Us]
• Yet another star of I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here has been hospitalized. Janice Dickinson was rushed to a Costa Rican medical facility to treat an undisclosed illness. Previously, Heidi Pratt and Lou Diamond Phillips needed medical treatment. [New York Magazine]
• Jessica Alba will not be charged for putting shark posters all over Oklahoma City earlier this month because no one wants to prosecute her. [TMZ]
• A paparazzi says after taking pictures of Kevin Spacey working on the set of his new film Casino Jack he was thrown into some bushes by crew members and Spacey said, "Don't ever take my picture and fight with the crew." Assistants for the film say that the photographer actually started the incident by hitting a production assistant after he asked him to leave. [The Daily Express]
• Angelina Jolie recorded a PSA to draw attention to World Refugee Day on June 20. Angie says: "Refugees are the most vulnerable people on earth. Every day, they are fighting to survive. They deserve our respect. Please do not forget them. Remember them on this day." [Just Jared]
• News alert: Newly-single Megan Fox "wouldn't rule out" dating a British guy. [The Sun]
• Friends of Usher and Tameka Foster Raymond say their split comes as no surprise. One friend says, "As bad as this is gonna sound, it was never a matter of 'I wonder if they'll divorce,' but more like 'I wonder WHEN they'll divorce.'" Another pal adds, "They peaked before they even got married... Right after it was over, they started to drift apart. [Usher] just wasn't ready to settle down, at least not with her." [People]
• Kelis, who is nine months pregnant, has filed legal papers asking that her estranged husband Nas be order to give her spousal support, child support, and money for all pregnacy-related expenses. She says even though he's rich, he's completely cut her off ans she's out of money. "My survival is based on [Nas'] will at this time. If he does not want to pay for an expense, it does not get paid," says Kelis. [TMZ]
• After cancelling a show on Sunday Susan Boyle will rejoin the Britain's Got Talent tour tonight. "She had one rest day, but she will be back on stage tonight," says a tour rep. [Us]
• John Mayer and friend Rob Dyrdekwere spotted doing tequila shots at a Hollywood club before Mayer gave an impromptu performance. Mayer then Tweeted "In triage at Cedars with @Robdyrdek. When the contents of his stomach hit that silicon bag and we all saw it, we just broke into applause." But a source says it was all a hoax and Dyrdek didn't really have his stomach pumped. [People]
• In this video, Spencer Pratt explains that Jesus saved Al Roker's life, because if he hadn't been recently "saved by Jesus" he would have ripped the anchor head off for being "disrespectful" and "inappropriate" this morning on the Today show. [TMZ]
• For the third time in a week Miley Cyrus' people have had her hang up on a radio interview when a host asked a question that Disney hadn't approved. Miley claimed on her Twitter that, "a station goes over time I am IMMEDIATELY connected to the next station." [TMZ]
• Billy Ray Cyrus says the upcoming fourth season of Hannah Montana will be the last. "Quite frankly, I give a lot of credit to Miley for taking it to another year," said Cyrus. "She didn't want it to just end with whatever was the last episode we did. She wanted it to build to where there's a moral to the story, to where it doesn't just end and go away and that's it. She wanted there to be an official ending to Hannah Montana." [UPI]
• A photo of Robert De Niro and Anthony "Fat Andy" Ruggiano has surfaced, sparking rumors that he met with the late mobster who was involved in at least seven murders to research his role in Analyze This. De Niro says he doesn't recall taking the picture. [The Daily Express]
• T-shirt company Sledge USA wanted Carrie Prejean to model for the company even after she lost her crown, but Prejean didn't bother to show up for the job. [Perez Hilton]
• "Idol champ's lesbian hell." Kelly Clarkson has been single for several years and she says, "Those [lesbian rumours] are not helping me on the dating front! I prefer the boys. I'm extremely flattered when I do get hit on by girls and I think it's hot but I'm not into it. I like boys." [The Sun]
• For his upcoming debut album, Adam Lambert will work with RedOne, the producer behind Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" and "Just Dance." [E!]
• Bloomsbury Publishing released a statement denying allegations that J.K. Rowling copied "substantial parts of a 1987 book called The Adventures of Willy the Wizard — No 1 Livid Land by Adrian Jacobs for Harry Potter And The Goblet of Fire. The statement said, "The allegations of plagiarism made today, Monday 15 June 2009, by the Estate of Adrian Jacobs are unfounded, unsubstantiated and untrue. This claim is without merit and will be defended vigorously." [Reuters]
• Are you dying to hear the new single from Mel Gibson's girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva? You can listen to it here: [People]
• Thandie Newton will teach acting classes at the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa. [The Daily Express]
• Kim and Kourtney Kardashian, Kendra Wilkinson, and others have filmed a new commercial for E!'s Drive Safe campaign that promotes having a designated driver. [E!]
• Carnie Wilson gave birth to a baby girl named Luciana Bella on Friday. She is the second daughter for Wilson and her husband Rob Bonfiglio. [People]
• Peaches Geldof was spotted leaving the Scientology Celebrity Center in New York with recruitment documents. [The Sun]
• Jordan and estranged husband Peter Andre have signed a deal to star in rival reality shows that will air at the same time on different networks to play out their divorce in public. [The Sun]
• Prince Ernst August of Hannover, husband of Caroline of Monaco, admitted that he hit a hotel owner in Kenya. A court previously ruled that he was guilty of beating the hotel owner with a metal object, but he says he only hit him with his hands. [CBS News]
• Alice Cooper says he would like to write an operatic movie starring himself. He said if he wasn't a musician he "would probably write movies, but why not put that to music to make an operative thing on stage where you can portray this guy? ... Alice has always been the villain so Alice can easily play this character." [The Star]
• In case you're wondering what it's like to be in the presence of Robert Pattinson, a New York magazine intern risked life and limb to report on the scene around the area where he is currently filming in New York. He says: "I tried to take cell-phone pics, but I was thwarted by packs of girls literally crying... People threw roses at him, took pictures, gasped. He smiled and then had to SPRINT into his trailer. He looked skinnier, paler - yet better! - in person." [New York Magazine]
• "I don't mind getting older; I mind getting uglier. You know – knees, disease, old age, death. I'm a wreck. Frankly, who else cares? No one else does. No one else in the world is out there saying, 'It's a tragedy she's getting older.'
  So why bring yourself down?" — Chrissie Hynde [The Telegraph]
• Bruce Willis is half-naked in most of the photos for his new W magazine shoot with Emma Heming, but that wasn't the original plan. He explains, "When we were getting ready to do the shoot and we were talking about the concept, they said to me, 'We see you with a lot of clothes, a lot of layers.' And I said, 'Great!' And they said, 'Emma's going to be scantily clad,' and I said, 'As it should be!' And then we get there and Steven says, 'We're gonna change it up, we'll put Emma in a lot of clothes and we'll have you in less clothes.' And I went, 'I gotta get some weights!'" [W]

[Birmingham, England; December 26. Image via Getty]

BIRMINGHAM, ENGLAND - DECEMBER 26: The hounds and members of the Albrighton Woodland Hunt gather before the start of their Boxing Day meet at the ancestral home of Lord Cobham on December 26, 2008, at Hagley Hall, near Birmingham, England. Thousands of people are expected to attend Boxing Day hunts across the United Kingdom, three years after the hunting of foxes with dogs became illegal, the dogs can follow the scent but cannot kill the fox. (Photo by Christopher Furlong/Getty Images)

See, “Bitches” is about a quartet of female friends, living in New York, who just happen to be werewolves. The show has been described as a “quirky urban fairy tale." As Scanner points out, "Oh, so not only does it, in a way, rip off Buffy The Vampire Slayer, it also demeans and insults women!" The project has already received a script plus penalty commitment from the network, so there is a very good chance we will soon be seeing this monstrosity on the small screen. [Scanner]

• Madonna is "begging" Gwyneth Paltrow to move back to New York so they can hang out and do yoga or whatever. Gwynnie lives in London with hubby Chris Martin, son Moses and daughter Apple. Will her Madgesty get what she wants? [The Sun]
• We reported this before and it may actually happen: Madonna is orchestrating a Britney-Justin reunion! Brit and JT will be on stage with Madge tonight when her Sticky & Sweet tour stops at Dodger Stadium. People are going to freak the fuck out. [Yahoo News]
• Brad Pitt and Oprah were both at the Obama victory rally in Grant Park, Chicago, but they missed one another "I was looking for you and would have invited you down to sit with the rest of us," Oprah told Brad. "You mean the non-VIP area?" Brad joked. He assured her that he took public transportation to be at the rally "just like everyone else." [Star]

• Beyoncé is giddy about Obama's win: "Whatever they want - if they need me to volunteer, they need me to sing, I'm there, and I'm ready. I'm just beyond excited." She was supposed to be in Japan on election night but postponed her trip: "I said, 'What am I doing? I'm completely making a bad decision. I have to go home, I'm gonna kill myself if I'm not home in America.'" Plus, she wept while watching the results come in: "I fell asleep crying and smiling at the same time. I woke up with mascara running and a smile on my face!" [AP]
• Mariah Carey heard that Michelle Obama played Mariah's song Hero for Barack before the election results were announced; she is "honored." [Mirror]
• Now that the Obamas are headed to the White House, Leslie Gray Streeter has written an open letter to Lorne Michaels of Saturday Night Live, saying: "you have to hire a black woman as a permanent cast member. Like, yesterday." [Palm Beach Post]
• Diddy partied with Q-Tip and Mark Ronson on election night. [Vanity Fair]
• There's video of Martha Stewart being ambushed on the street by Fox5 reporter Arnold Diaz, since a Martha-branded glass patio table from Kmart tends to "explode and shatter" and has been found "defective and dangerous." Martha says, "Oh that's old news," and blames the Chinese manufacturers Kmart uses. She claims she hasn't heard of any reported injuries, but the Diaz totally interviews a little girl who got cut! [CityFile]
• Kim Cattrall was asked if there will be a Sex And The City sequel, and She replied, "Yes, there will." Pardon me whilst I groan. [The Sun]
• Evan Rachel Wood and Marilyn Manson: Splitsville. He may have been controlling and emotionally abusive. [Star Magazine]
• Blake Fielder-Civil is no longer Blake Incarcerated! He was released yesterday and said: "I’m gonna see my wife and take her knickers down." But! Blake had to go directly to a rehab clinic, so Amy can't see him for seven days. Sigh. [The Sun]
• Here's video of Amy being harassed by photographers and fighting back, which this paper calls a "rampage." [The Sun]
• A beacon of Hope for Amy Winehouse: "Quincy Jones has taken her under his wing and put her back on the wagon. The two are collaborating on one or two projects and if anyone can save a talent like Amy, then it is Q." [Daily Express]
• Robin Williams is dating a 27-year-old painter named Charlotte Filbert, who happens to be staying with Ally Hilfiger. Small world. [Page Six]
• Padma Lakshmi is on the prowl, and she seems to want a billionaire. [Page Six]
• Who is Minnie Driver's baby daddy? Could he be a TV writer? [Page Six]
• Ashton Kutcher was seen partying with Wilmer Valderrama in West Hollywood. The '70s are back! [Yahoo News]
• Julianne Hough had surgery for endometriosis five days ago, and says she's "feeling phenomenal. I am still walking slow but I’m feeling good." [People]
• Samuel L. Jackson says it's strange to promote his new film, Soul Men, without Bernie Mac. "It's even weirder that he never saw the movie." [USA Today]
• Susan Lucci is out on Dancing With The Stars. [AP]
• What the hell is a "bacon buttie" or a "bacon sarnie"? And why does Daniel Craig love them so?! [Mirror]
• So you know how Harry Potter and Hermione Granger never hooked up? J.K. Rowling says it "could have gone that way" because Hermione "shared something very instense with Harry" but they're not meant to be together. Harry's true soulmate is Ginny, obvs. [Perez Hilton]
• For her fragrance campaign, Paris Hilton says, "I didn't have to lose weight, but I just wanted to look really good. I started doing Pliates." [Daily Express]
• Nick Hogan hasn't visited his friend, John Graziano, who's been in a coma since Nick's August 2007 car crash, because John's family won't let him into the hospital. [TMZ]
• Mos Def allegedly attacked a photographer in Vegas, back in August, and now a warrant has been issued for his arrest. [TMZ]
• Jamie Pressly and her fiancé "still love each other" but are no longer a couple. They're the parents of an 18-month-old son. [UPI, E!]
• Bruce Springsteen auctioned off a Harley, a guitar and a leather jacket for Stand Up For Heroes, a charity that raises money for injured troops returning from the Iraq war. [Fox 411]
• Lisa Rinna on getting cosmetic procedures: "You have to be careful. I'm a perfect example of that!" [ET]
• Michael J. Fox will appear in four episodes of Rescue Me early next year, and he'll play a paralyzed man in a wheelchair. "The funny part is me playing a paralyzed guy because I am the opposite of paralyzed. It's tricky just to even be still," he says. [Reuters]
• ABC has pulled the plug on Aylssa Milano's sitcom, Single With Parents. The show was to be a midseason replacement; creative differences tore it apart. Related: Who's the boss? [Yahoo News]
• Danny Bonaduce's divorce is final and he has to pay his ex-wife $16,000 a month. Dude's not giving up on marriage, though: He's shopping a TV show called The Next Mrs. Bonaduce. [AP]
• Rare film footage of the Beatles in Kansas City sold for $6,600 at an auction on Tuesday. It's a silent film, btw. [Reuters]
• This was in Midweek Madness, but here it is again: Carnie Wilson is pregnant. [People]
• Emily Deschanel has written a "10 Things You Don't Know About Women" column for Esquire. Number 6: "When a guy sends us a text, we analyze everything, down to the punctuation. 'Did he really use an umlaut? He must be smart!'" [Esquire]
• Even though he can't vote, Daniel Radcliffe went to the polls on election day, just to see what it was like. [Daily Express]
• An episode of Hannah Montana, in which a teen gets diagnosed with diabetes, won't air as planned. They're trying to consult with medical experts now and ensure the story is told properly. Something was done out of order, no? [UPI]
• Here's a picture of Pete Wentz, as a baby, being held by Joe Biden! [Perez Hilton]
• Do not click this NSFW link unless you want to see the guys from Jackass naked. Penises, people. You've been warned. [Perez Hilton]
• Jodie Foster on the woman she dumped after 14 years: "She's fine. She'll be very well taken care of." [E!]
• Great Scot! James McAvoy will be honored by his former drama school; he'll receive a Fellowship from the Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama (RSAMD) in Glasgow next month. [The Star]
• Country star Merle Haggard has a malignant tumor on his lung; he went to surgery on Mondayy and should be recovering as we speak. [Perez Hilton]
• Patrick Dempsey addressed the firing of Dr. Hahn on The Ellen DeGeneres Show yesterday by pulling a note "from ABC" from his pocket and reading: "'We've had a great time working with her and that the conclusion of her [role] has been orgasmic'—I'm sorry, I'm dyslexic—'organic ending to the storyline.'" [E!]
• Patrick Dempsey also says: "Thursday night is her last show, which is too bad, she has been a great character, and I don't know what happened with that story line. They decided not to continue it for some reason." [ET, People]
• Antonia Kidman, aka Nicole's sister, had an advice column in New Idea magazine, but she's left because it's "not going in the direction that she wants to be going." [News.com.au]
• "I live in a mobile home and I love it! It's small but chic and perfect for me and the kids [Brandon, 12 and Dylan, 10] It's fun having to sit on beanbags and do our washing at the laundrette." — Pamela Anderson. [The Sun]
• "After Barack Obama's victory I think we might have reached the moment for a coloured 007. I think the role could easily be played by a black actor, because the character created by Ian Fleming in the Fifties has undergone a great deal of evolution and continues to be updated." — Daniel Craig. [Telegraph]
• "I am far from being an expert. I’m not that musical. I don’t really know how a record is produced, and, funnily enough, I don’t want to. I listen from a punter’s perspective, as somebody who would buy a track. I base it on gut instinct. Sometimes I’m right, sometimes I’m wrong. Many times I disagree with producers and artists, and we listen to each other. It’s not about proving a point or being a loudmouth, I just want the record to be as good as it can be." — Simon Cowell. [Telegraph]
• "I'm so excited [about turning 16]. I always ask my mom, 'Can I drive your car in the parking lot?' And she’s like, 'No.' I want a BMW truck!" — Ali Lohan. [MSNBC]
• "Here's the best secret weapon I can give you: Hold off on having sex. Give him a little taste, but not too much… Keep him drooling. [When intimacy finally happens], get crazy! Fuck like a porno star!" — Tila Tequila. [Page Six]

• What kind of fuckery is this? Amy Winehouse borrowed some designer dresses. When she returned them, they were splattered with vomit. [Mirror]
• Some of the puke-stained dresses had developed furry mold on them. [Hey, I'm eating breakfast, lady! - Ed.] [CelebNewsWire]
• Meanwhile, Amy is trying to launch the singing career of her goddaughter, Dionne. [Mirror]
• Except at Dionne's gig, Amy was a total fucking mess. [Daily Mail]
• More "turmoil" for Brad and Angelina as Billy Bob Thornton says of Angie, "We're still close." Eh. [Daily Mail]

• Britney was seen wearing a black wig because she was shooting the video for her new song, "Womanizer," at a sushi lounge. She plays a waitress. [People]
• Julia Roberts was spotted covering up with a large pashmina so obviously she must be pregnant. [The Sun]
• Shia LaBeouf won't be charged with drunk driving in connection with his car accident in West Hollywood this summer. He refused a blood-alcohol test, though, so his license is going to be suspended. [LA Times]
• Clay Aiken's baby mama took pills for nausea during her pregnancy. Um, is that safe for the fetus? [Perez Hilton]
• Hayden Panettiere's dad has been charged with hitting her mom. It's a misdemeanor battery charge and he could face up to a year in jail if convicted. [Reuters]
• Chris Kattan and Sunshine Tutt were married for 59 days, but she'll get six figures in the divorce settlement. Which means being married to Kattan is worth at least $1,700 a day; a well-paying job. [TMZ]
• ANTM's Isis says she really wants to get the surgery to become biologically female but she doesn't have the cash: "I'm not working right now, but hopefully I get a lot of gigs from me being on the show. Once I save my money—hopefully within the next two years, that's my goal—I will have it done as soon as possible, so I can just get it out of the way." [E!]
• Megan Fox is so much more famous now that she has lost weight, gotten a nose job and plumped her lips. She was cute in this "before" picture though. [Socialite Life]
• The next time your phone rings, it could be Ellen DeGeneres, telling you to help yourself fight breast cancer. [AP]
• OMG no way: Melrose Place might be coming back. [UPI]
• Ricky Gervais to maybe host next year's Oscars? Are you having a laugh? [The Sun]
• Emma Watson looks AMAZING in this Italian Vogue photo shoot. [Daily Mail]
• Thanks to the presidential campaign, Saturday Night Live ratings are up 50%. [Variety]
• The Australians in Film Heath Ledger Scholarship has launched and Michelle Williams has stepped up as the first donor. [People]
• Mariska Hargitay blogs, very thoughtfully, about her character's rape storyline on SVU. [ONTD]
• Lauren Conrad and Chace Crawford "exchanged digits." They're "just friends." [E!]
• Mariah Carey will not appear on Oprah's show to announce that she is pregnant, because she is not, so if you heard that rumor, ignore it. [Perez Hilton]
• Kanye West is letting you remix his new single, "Love Lockdown," for free. Any takers? [Rolling Stone]
• Jay-Z and Norwegian production duo Stargate have announced the formation of StarRoc, a new New York-based music label. [UPI]
• Gwyneth Paltrow's mom says Gwyneth's marriage works "beautifully." All I can think is: GOOP. [People]
• Mackenzie Phillips is doing "great" in rehab. One day at a time! [People]
• A trash can designed by Bono sold for $30K. But it was a charity auction so it's not like someone was throwing their money away. [Mediabistro]
• Pete Doherty started playing a concert in Bournemouth, England and refused to stop. [Daily Express]
• Ladies and gentlemen, a message from Holly Madison: "Page 6 needs to check their 'facts.' Today Page 6 said that Bridget is married to a guy from Ohio??????????? Last time I checked, Bridget is divorced (after a 7 year seperation[sic]) from a guy from California…being that this is all a matter of public record, one would think you could check on that pretty easily." [Perez Hilton]
• Ed McMahon will appear in to viral rap videos for FreeCreditReport.com, and his "gangsta" outfit is so cringe-worthy it's basically like a minstrel show. [CNN, Portfolio]
• Helen Mirren will play an Israeli Massad agent in a new flick called The Debt. [Variety]
• Here's a first look at the poster for that probably crappy Tom Cruise movie Valkyrie — You know, where he plays a Nazi with an American accent? [Just Jared]
• Sarah Michelle Gellar may return to TV: An HBO show called The Wonderful Maladys. [Variety]
• Busta Rhymes was detained at an airport in London, then released. Woo-ha, got you all in check. [BBC News]
• Kid Rock says he's not really friends with Pam Anderson. "I touched stove, stove was hot, I think I not touch stove anymore." [People]
• Whoa: Robert Wagner once considered shooting Warren Beatty over Natalie Wood. [Reuters]
• The rare footage of Marilyn Monroe on the set of Some Like It Hot was sold Thursday for $14,700. [Reuters]
• Hmm, here's a lawsuit over nude pix of Marilyn. [AP]
• Terrence Howard's mother died after a long battle with cancer. [People]
• "I've been lucky to be able to make my own choices and not feel like I've been guided too much other than by my own instincts. I guess I get offered a certain type of role when it comes to mothers — they are generally not your predictable blonde on blonde mothers. They are spikier and more dangerous, and in this case, utterly self-delusional. Putting them together and finding the honest notes is always fun." — Angelica Huston, on her role in Choke. [Reuters]
• "'I'm a big fan of Jay-Z, but outside of the states and hip-hop circles, no one really knew who he was until he married Beyonce." — 50 Cent. [StereoHyped]
• "I believe that a woman should be paid the same amount as a man if she does the same job. I think that we're extraordinary creatures who can run a company and a house." — Natalie Cole. [Guardian]
• "I'm just a big believer in 'you must love yourself before you can love anybody else,' and I think for me that breeds the most inspired relationships. It's hard for me to have any proclamation about the right kind of love or how to love, because relationships are so complicated and there are so many ways to love. On one hand, there's obsessive love and committed love and the love that friends just have for one another." — Scarlett Johansson. [Perez Hilton]
• "Actors such as Daniel Day Lewis and Robert De Niro are often held up as ‘this is the way to act’ but I don’t go to bed dreaming and sleeping the character. There’s a lot of bullshit in acting. I’m not criticising those guys as actors but sometimes you just have to show up and deliver a speech. You don’t have to pretend to be somebody, I like to think I am enough. I’m not interested in ‘Oh he lost 30 pounds for this role’. I think that should stay private. I don’t wanna hear it." — Liam Neeson. [Daily Express]
• "I've been to talk at quite a few schools recently. It is essential to talk to 12- and 13-year-olds because they absorb what's thrown at them, whether it be homophobia or tolerance, and we have to make sure it's the positive stuff." — Sir Ian McKellen, who is working with Stonewall's Education Champion Programme, which addresses homophobia in schools. [Guardian]
• "I've never seen that (sex) tape of me and Tommy and I don't ever want to. I see more than enough of Tommy as it is. I can't get rid of him." — Pamela Anderson. [Daily Express]

The main problem with what we're seeing so far is that damn laugh track. Shows like 30 Rock, The Office and Scrubs manage to be funny without canned laughter; Fox should tune in to NBC and take note. Judge for yourself: There's the clip above and another below.

Earlier: Psst!