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test drives
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Shejaculation: Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Gush
When I first heard about female ejaculation, I thought it was a bullshit myth invented by women who accidentally pee during sex, and one supported by fetishists who wanted to believe in it — until it happened to me. I was 25 and had been having sex for about 8 years (not consistently, I should say). I have no idea why my body chose that moment — in the middle of a reverse cowgirl with some dude I'd just met a few hours before — to bust out its new parlor trick; in fact, there were a lot of things that confused me about what happened, like, "Where did that fluid come from and what is it? Is there something wrong with me? How did this happen? And why did it feel good?" (Warning: There's a medical diagram after the jump that's NSFW.) More »
clips
Celebrity Rehab: Mary Carey Engages In A Different Kind Of Butt Play
Celebrity rehab is a kind of grave topic for a reality show, but leave it to porn star/former-gubernatorial candidate Mary Carey to provide the comic relief. On the first episode, her bags were searched and she had adult movies, vibrators, dildos, and a mold of her vagina confiscated (she brought that last one as a gift for someone), and, aside from the disappointment that masturbation would now be more difficult, she laughed the whole thing off. On last night's episode, Mary was goofing around with Jessica Sierra — the two were inexplicably wearing crazy-lady makeup — when she decided to fart. Loudly. This woman is clearly comfortable doing anything and everything in front of the camera. Clip above.
porn ultimatum
Tristan Taormino: "Porn Is As Cerebral As It Is Visceral"
Village Voice columnist, author, adult film director, anal sex guru, and all-around sex educator Tristan Taormino is one of the most quotable women I've ever met in my life. When I interviewed her on Friday morning in Vivid Entertainment's booth at the Adult Entertainment Expo, I was having a hell of a time — in my hung-over condition, mind you — trying to write as fast as she talked. Seriously, I haven't worked my hand that hard since, well actually, since I got home last night and watched Chemistry 3, the latest installment of her reality DVD series that's sort of an experiment in pornography. Tristan puts six porn stars in a house for 36 hours, with no script, shooting schedule or scene requirements, and lets the sex happen naturally, allowing the performers to establish their own boundaries (or lack thereof). It's concepts like this that has Tristan challenging the existing order of things in the adult industry, as well as challenging typically non-porn watching audiences to open their minds to something they hadn't realized they could enjoy. Oh, and also, she's kuh-raaazy smart. More »
clips
Is It Possible To Be Allergic To A Dude's Semen?
Oprah's "Ask Dr. Oz" episodes are great because they really get into it when discussing the human body; unlike some other talk shows, nothing is off-limits for Dr. Oz, so the topics often encompass things that people are normally too embarrassed to ask their family doctors about, like farts, smegma, belly-button odor [Huh? -Ed.], and, well, jizz. In fact, on today's episode, a mother of three explained that she experiences numbness, redness, and irritation after having unprotected sex with her husband of ten years, wanting to know if she might be allergic to his semen. According to Dr. Oz, she totally might be!
point/counterpoint
I Ask Dudes To Cum On My Ass On The First Date
Well, I don't really ask dudes to get cum so close to my baby maker on the first date, but definitely eventually, if we keep banging, I'll request a superficial anal cream pie. Confused by the term? I didn't know what it meant either, until I opened myself up to pornography. The first time I heard about cream pies I was like, "Oh God, that's so gross! And filthy. And dirty. And hot!" So yesterday, when Moe complained that porn ruined sex by making dudes want to do cum-drenched dirty things, I thought, "Wait, it's not just the dudes!" 'Cause isn't the best sex dirty sex? (Well, unless you're one of those jerks who "makes love" and gazes into your partner's eyes and kiss each other softly on the face.) More »
clips
Last week on Oxygen's Bad Girls Club, strippers Darlen and Cordelia got in a fight at a club, that led to a larger fight back at the house with "crazy bitch" Tanisha. On last night's episode, the two made up and grew closer — very close. A gentleman friend of Jenavecia's came to the house so she invited Darlen and Cordelia for a night on the town with them. They got super wasted, and, on the way home Cordelia admitted that it wasn't her stripper credentials that got her into the Bad Girls house, but her career as an adult film actress. She then fellated a beer bottle to prove herself. Once they got back home, Darlen, mother of a six-year-old daughter (of whom she does not have custody) took the gentleman friend into the bathroom, where Cordelia joined to watch them have sex. Meanwhile, Jenavecia drunkenly stumbled downstairs, pulled down her pants and tried to pee on the couch, thinking it was the toilet. We can't exactly mock that part, as we've sorta been there before.
Bad Girls Club: Stripper Mom And Porn Star Have Threesome With Dude
Last week on Oxygen's Bad Girls Club, strippers Darlen and Cordelia got in a fight at a club, that led to a larger fight back at the house with "crazy bitch" Tanisha. On last night's episode, the two made up and grew closer — very close. A gentleman friend of Jenavecia's came to the house so she invited Darlen and Cordelia for a night on the town with them. They got super wasted, and, on the way home Cordelia admitted that it wasn't her stripper credentials that got her into the Bad Girls house, but her career as an adult film actress. She then fellated a beer bottle to prove herself. Once they got back home, Darlen, mother of a six-year-old daughter (of whom she does not have custody) took the gentleman friend into the bathroom, where Cordelia joined to watch them have sex. Meanwhile, Jenavecia drunkenly stumbled downstairs, pulled down her pants and tried to pee on the couch, thinking it was the toilet. We can't exactly mock that part, as we've sorta been there before.
oldies but (literal) goodies
How Cosmo Could Liven Up Its Relationship With "Sexy Sex"
The first Cosmo of the new year is out! And it's touting "Sexy Sex." Sexy Sex! That sure beats "Sexual Fucking," which we suggested as a cover line after editor-in-chief Kate White thought up "Erotic Sex" for August. Anyway! In pointing out how redundant Cosmo sex tips seem to have gotten after all these years...do we risk sounding REDUNDANT ourselves? Yes! Okay, but seriously, page 99:Get in the doggie-style position—you on your knees and your guy kneeling behind you.Um, thanks! Anyway suffice it to say the story advertised, "7 Best New Sex Tricks," is full of all sorts of hot new ideas — sex in the shower! sex in a sleeping bag! sex using his dick to "stimulate your clitoris"! covering your hand with a fishnet stocking and giving him a hand job (don't forget the lube!) — that um, maybe...suggest Cosmo is in sorta a "romance rut" (see page 92) with sex tips. It needs to rediscover that sexy sexiness that made it so sexing sexy in the first place! So, just for Kate, we scoured old issues of the magazine until we came upon a particularly naughty — NSFW! — example from April 1977... More »
clips
Vaginas With Teeth Get The Tinseltown Treatment
Above is the trailer for Teeth, a horror/comedy about a girl who discovers that she has vagina dentata — teeth in her taco! It first premiered at Sundance last January, where it gained lots of buzz and critical acclaim, and the film's star Jess Weixler won the Sundance Special Jury Prize for Acting. Reviews say Teeth is full of "raunchy sexuality and ridiculous gore, including a number of chopped off penises," which sounds right up our alley. And by "alley," we mean "vagina." Kidding! Anyway, it opens in NYC and L.A. November 30, with a wider release in mid-December.
Teeth Finally Being Released in November; Distribution Rights Sold [First Showing]
free your mind
Could 'Asian Fetishes' Be Good For America?
Remember my post on the existence of Asian fetishes? Some other bloggers sure do! Anyway, in the original post I mentioned this one time, when I was working at a phone sex call center, that all the operators were being called up to the desk to get training in "Asian" voices. My teacher was a supervisor, a girl of Cambodian descent whose name I don't remember but I think her phone sex name was Jane. My phone sex name was Erin.
"You have to say, it 'Eh-lin,'" she said. "All your 'r's have to be 'l's and vice-versa. Or if that gets confusing just don't pronounce your 'r's at all."
"Uh, okay."
"And when you talk to him about his 'cock', don't pronounce the 'ck'. Say it like 'co-'," she cut off the word as if she was coughing. "You want his 'BEEG G.I. Joe co... beeg Amelican co..."
"Are you fucking kidding?"
"Yeah, seriously, I just memorized the whole bit from Full Metal Jacket," she said. "Me so hoooooe-ny!"
So, you know, that was that. More »
do happy endings exist?
Hand Jobs: Is It Cheating? Do You Even Do It Anymore?
Earlier this year GQ wrote somewhere that "a happy ending is considered outright cheating only if the guy plans on it." quoting some expert saying "it could just end up happening...If she starts on you, you're going to need a hell of a lot of willpower to turn that away.'" Well, someone over at Cosmo read that, and consider this war! In next month's issue the magazine reprints this sage wisdom under the heading "FYI: DUMB ADVICE HE'S GETTING." So, like, THERE. I wasn't sure whose side to take on this, since hand jobs are fairly impersonal, and men who get regular massages from seedy parlors by the Chinatown bus are...not my type really, until I put myself in the flat cloth slippers of the masseuse. And immediately thought: "Jesus Christ, when's the last time I even gave a hand job?" More »
what the fuck
Is It Actually Harder For Girls To Get Off During Oral Sex Than Regular Sex?
News that may fail to shock: When college kids hook up, the dude is about three times as likely to get off. But here's the rub: a new study of students at four state schools says the "orgasm gap" is even wider when the "hook up" denotes oral sex. So like, there are shitloads of dudes out there right now diving into girls' crotches and doing an even worse job getting them to come than they would if they'd just been lazy and fucked? What is this about? Are men's magazines failing them? Do we need to film an INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEO? Don't answer that! More »
polls
The Really Unmentionable: A Back-Door Banging Primer & Poll
When Pillhead IM'd me a couple of days ago to ask for a comment for her fabulous piece (no pun intended), it got me thinking about that idiot guy and his fascination/obsession with anal sex. To a degree, no matter how much women will dish on vaginal intercourse and cunnilingus, there are very few of women that are willing to go on record about what they like about (and how to have fulfilling) anal sex. Which is why, when I need to get information on the subject, I have to either get my girlfriends really, really drunk or ask a gay friend — which always goes ever so well. Their thoughts, and a poll, are after the jump. More »
privates jokes
Why Big Vaginas Are The New Small Penises?
Pillhead may have been too big a pussy to take Alli, but her much-envied Adderall-addled brain has noticed a growing trend in pop culture: big vaginas are the new small penises.
It was 1998, or something. Roseanne Barr and Tom Arnold had divorced, and were fighting a war of words in the press. After Roseanne said something about Tom having a small penis, Tom responded thusly:Even a 747 would look small if it was landing in the Grand Canyon.
what it feels like for a boy
The Shenis, Or, What Happens When Girls Pee Standing Up
After hearing about the Shenis, a 12-inch-long, hollowed-out penis that enables women to pee standing up, it was clear what we needed to do: Order a few and engage in a pissing contest. [These ladies are my heroes. -Ed.] Yesterday afternoon, four of us gathered on a rooftop in Brooklyn, where we chugged beer, wine and water and then assumed the male pee position. Above, a video of our urinary escapade, made with love by Alex Goldberg, and after the jump, stills from the session. More »
smell tests
After testing out Vulva, the fragrance that's supposed to smell like a vagina (but really just smells like a non-gender-specific sweaty crotch) on gay men in NYC's Chelsea, we were curious as to what posh types on Manhattan's Upper East Side would think of the scent. This time, we asked participants to compare Vulva to Tom Ford's Black Orchid, the perfume reported to be inspired by the scent of a man's crotch (but really smells like flowery old ladies). On Saturday videographer Alex Goldberg and Jezegay Ryan Creed made the trek up to the expensive-shit shopping district of Madison Avenue, where we were mostly snootily ignored by the ladies who lunch. However we did find some good sports willing to take a whiff, first of Black Orchid, then of Vulva. Clip above. More »
Upper East Siders Love Crotch, Hate "Vulva"
After testing out Vulva, the fragrance that's supposed to smell like a vagina (but really just smells like a non-gender-specific sweaty crotch) on gay men in NYC's Chelsea, we were curious as to what posh types on Manhattan's Upper East Side would think of the scent. This time, we asked participants to compare Vulva to Tom Ford's Black Orchid, the perfume reported to be inspired by the scent of a man's crotch (but really smells like flowery old ladies). On Saturday videographer Alex Goldberg and Jezegay Ryan Creed made the trek up to the expensive-shit shopping district of Madison Avenue, where we were mostly snootily ignored by the ladies who lunch. However we did find some good sports willing to take a whiff, first of Black Orchid, then of Vulva. Clip above. More »
lipstick jezbians
Is Rubbing Cum All Over Your Face The Secret To Eternal Youth?
A facialist recently marveled to me: "Your lines are worse than mine and I am 40 years old!" Which forced me to point out: "I'm not CHINESE." So Asians have better skin. Do they have to rub it in our faces? Segue alert! Enter Lo & Dough, Jezebel's resident beauty product geeks.In the first installment of their column, they tackled the six most common ways people fuck up their lipstick. Recently they told me about an ancient Chinese beauty secret: the semen facial. Since I'm personally going through a reeeeal dry patch (ha!) they both agreed to become whores in the name of pores, Jizzybelles, etc. etc. And in the name of the scientific method, they both found sperm donors named Matt! But how did Creme Le Peen work out for their skin? Find out!
More »
vulva monologues
A Gay Man Spends A Week Sniffing Vagina -- And Finds It 'Hard' Not To Like!
Meet Ryan, the Official Jezebel gay. (Pic after the hump!) Last week he came up to New York after three grueling days of shooting Trading Spaces, and because he's such a devoted friend he volunteered himself to go to Chelsea for our little Vulva perfume gay-on-the-street smell-test while we, uh, got drunk or something. And boy did he get his hands dirty! Previously a vadge virgin, Ryan not only fingered the equivalent of, like, fifty ovulating Adderall patients this weekend, he accidentally took the crap home to Philly with him. And started using it to pick up homos! Without further ado, the Vulva diary of Jezegay Ryan.
More »