Jezebel: flashing with the kardashians

Kim Kardashian Opens Up About O.J. Simpson

Tracie — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 11:00:00 EDT

People are always asking, "Why is Kim Kardashian even famous?" Yeah, she has a porno, and yeah, she's friends with Paris Hilton, but she's actually had a pretty fascinating childhood that, at the very least, makes her a somewhat worthy pop culture figure. Her stepdad, Bruce Jenner, is one of the biggest American Olympic stars of all time, and her father, Robert Kardashian, was best friends with, and lawyer for, O.J. Simpson. The fact that the Kardashians had such a long history with O.J. and Nicole Brown made for high drama when Kris Kardashian sat with Nicole's family during O.J.'s murder trial, while Kim and Khloe — both living with their dad at the time — sat on the defense's side in the courtroom. Kim talked about the experience on Jimmy Kimmel last night. Clip above.

Barbara To Kim Kardashian: "So If You Get Paid To Show Up At A Party…What Do You Have To Do With…The Butt?"

Moe — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 15:20:00 EDT

Anna told me she felt intellectually unprepared to write the introduction to this clip on which the ladies of The View interview the Kardashian sisters because she not really been "keeping up" (heh) with their careers. Disgraceful, yes, but it's not an uncommon problem: I just went to London, where Kim had just been on a visit, and no one could figure out why she was famous or what it was she and her sisters have done to warrant such wealth/celebrity/butt insurance premiums. Well, neither does Barbara Walters!! It's Khloe's birthday today, and Barbara seems mystified to learn they're actually getting paid to attend the party. "If the three of you show up to a party, how much do you have to pay?" she asked, "And what do you have to do with…the butt?" They all pretended not to hear the first question — even when she asked again! — but Kim responded to the follow-up with a totally sick demonstration of her patented party move. This, folks, is why she gets paid the big bucks.

Never Before Seen Footage: Kim Kardsashian's Butt Crack

Tracie — Tue, 27 May 2008 15:30:00 EDT

E! aired "never before seen" footage for a Keeping Up with the Kardashians clip show called "Junk in the Trunk." Actually, over the past year, while watching the two seasons of the family's reality show, I've really grown to kinda love them. Their irreverence, constant jokes, and wrestling matches between women dressed to the nines in full makeup is pretty similar to the dynamics of my family. (Except my parents have never been divorced, don't have kids from other marriages, and I'd never buy my mom a stripper pole or say the F-word in front of her. Oh, and my sister and I don't make sex tapes with our boyfriends.) This clip show only endeared them more to me. Clip above.

Keeping Up With The Kardashians Goes Out With A Bang

Tracie — Mon, 19 May 2008 11:00:00 EDT

Last night saw the season finale of Keeping Up with the Kardashians and the show ended much the same way the family got its TV deal in the first place: Graphic imagery of Kim having sex with a gorgeous black man. This time though, it wasn't in the form of a porno, but something a little more disturbing, i.e. Kim's sister Khloe teasing Kim's boyfriend Reggie Bush (body like Arnold with a Denzel face) about intimate details regarding the couple's sex life. (Apparently, they bang on the washing machine. HOT!) Clip above.

Kim Kardashian Is Keeping Up With Her Cellulite

Tracie — Mon, 12 May 2008 11:00:00 EDT

Kim Kardashian just made her famous ass a little more famous after she let cameras film her cellulite-reducing treatment. Kim was getting her backside camera-ready for an anniversary present — a sexy calendar — she was giving to her boyfriend, football player Reggie Bush. This is probably the sexiest cosmetic treatment we've ever seen [What about your colonic, Tracie? -Ed.], and Kim actually said that it was "hot" because it felt like someone was sucking on her thighs and ass. Clip above.

Earlier: I Went For A Colonic And All I Got Was A Load Of Crap

Kardashian Sisters Laugh In Kim's "Ugly Face"

Tracie — Mon, 05 May 2008 13:40:00 EDT

On last night's episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, the "civil war" raged on as the family went on a ski trip together, which only heightened tensions between Kim and her sisters. (This whole fight, if you remember, started over Kim buying a Bentley.) This time, the entire family seemed to be ganging up on Kim, reducing her to tears, which sister Kourtney ended up laughing in her face about, because she has "an ugly crying face." Clip above.

Kim Kardashian Filmed Giving Blows Of A Different Kind

Tracie — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 11:00:00 EDT

The Kardashian Klan is in the middle of a "civil war," according to last night's episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, with Khloe and Kourtney ganging up on Kim after the girls got in a fight at a Bentley dealership that led to Kim accusing them of being "jealous psycho bitches" and then later swinging her Louis Vuitton handbag at Khloe before punching her in the arm. Kim actually looked really hot when she was getting angry and violent, almost exactly like comic artist Mike Sekowsky's 1960s mod redesign of Wonder Woman, with her tunic, leggings, and knee-high boots. Next week: The whole family goes on a ski trip in an attempt to smooth things over, but the preview showed people throwing and smashing Sidekicks and Blackberrys instead of making peace. Clip above.

The Kardashian Sisters Make Self-Defense Lessons Sexy, Slightly Inappropriate

Tracie — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 11:00:00 EDT

Last night on Keeping Up with the Kardashians, the girls' high-end clothing store Dash was vandalized during store hours by some crazy who tore up the clothing, threw a soft drink, and destroyed a mannequin. As a preventative measure, the sisters and their employees took a self-defense class, and somehow managed to make the methods they were taught sort of sexual. Then, when they got home, they demonstrated said sexual methods on stepdad Bruce Jener and things got a little...weird. Clip above.

Kardashian & Jenner Step-Siblings Had Inappropriate Crushes On Each Other

Tracie — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 11:00:00 EDT

The E! True Hollywood Story about the Kardashians and Jenners aired last night, and it chronicled how this "modern day Brady Bunch" came to be. The short version is that Bruce Jenner is basically Johnny Appleseed, and Kris Kardashian was an airline stewardess who hit the jackpot when she hooked up with an older Armenian lawyer and popped out four kids before she realized she was too young to be married. Then Kris and Bruce fell in love, got hitched, and their eight kids all got along — including prepubescent crushes. (Ew.) Clip above.

The Kardashian Sisters Talk Sex Toys And Tampons

Tracie — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 16:00:00 EDT

I'm really starting to love the Kardashian sisters. At first their sex tapes and DUIs are kind of off-putting, but the fact that they're able to joke openly with their mom about her vibrator, and demonstrate how to use a tampon and a pad to their little sisters — like they did on last night's episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians — is, frankly, endlessly endearing. Clip above.

Keeping Up With The Kardashians: Khloe Is Wishing She Had Sex Tape Right About Now

Tracie — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 11:00:00 EDT

You know how people are bothered by the fact that Kim Kardashian is famous for no reason? Her younger sister Khloe is annoyed about it too, since Kim's newfound success has made it so that Khloe is left to carry most of the responsibility of the sisters' shared business, their clothing store. We kinda feel for Khloe. She's definitely the wittiest of all the Kardashian sisters, but we can see how Kourtney's petite frame, or Kim's bombshell status might have some affect on her. In the clip above, from last night's episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Khloe expresses her desire to get into the fame game, and out of retail.

Remember how Kim Kardashian was all, "everyone ...

Moe — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 18:20:00 EST

Remember how Kim Kardashian was all, "everyone takes sex pictures?" And we were all, maybe in your neighborhood, lady! But maybe it's just a natural impulse shared by all humanity regardless of color or creed because that's right GREATER CHINA'S FIRST INTERNET SEX SCANDAL IS STILL ROCKING THE UNIVERSE. In case you haven't heard, actor/popstar Edison Chen took as many as 600 pictures of himself in, er, "compromising" positions with various other starlets. Then — and this is the part that really proves Asians aren't all smart — he sent his MacBook in for repair. Did I mention the MacBook is pink? Now he's being blackmailed by some hacker named "Kira." Here's a funny story about how the whole episode has provided Chinese households with great Lunar New Year conversational fodder. [WSJ]

Kardashian Sisters Hit Cabo, Frolic With Seaside Flasher

Slut Machine — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 13:15:00 EST

(Click on any image to see entire gallery)

[Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, December 8. Images via Flynet]

Superrich Expected To Be Super Generous This Year, Reports WSJ

Moe — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 10:00:28 EST

Merry Christmas, heiresses! Did you know you are expected to "keep up" with the Kardashians and be extra giving this year? Shoppers worth $10 million or more plan to increase their holiday spending by up to 67% this holiday, according to the Wall Street Journal, a newspaper that is in the midst of laying off journalists as the economy slips further into a multi-pronged recession agrees everyone except that guy on America's Most Smartest Model. But here's the prob: the superrich are saying they don't want that much! All Mark Cuban wants is dancing shoes and a flash drive; some other billionaire says all he wants is "books." Boring! Thankfully, Mint Lifestyle, LLC, a shopping consultancy for the overprivileged, has printed an annual gift guide to help people like you...

The most popular item was a commissioned biography, which it says wives are buying for their husbands. The books, which cost around $30,000, tell a person's life and business story. "It's perfect for that someone who is no one but made a billion dollars selling his widget business," says Gordon MacGeachy, co-founder of Mint.

(Normally pathetic, until you could get actual fancy Hollywood screenwriters to do it !)

Also on the list, "a donation to an elephant refuge in Thailand." Um, the elephants wouldn't happen to be tipsy, would they? (And don't forget to throw in the Vuitton blanket!) Anyway, that one is popular bc it's tax-deductible, which can only lead me to wonder: how much of a tax deduction do you think you could get for giving the gift of a shower at the Kardashian bathroom to a homeless junkie? Because that is totally on my list next year.

The Wealth Report [WSJ]

Kim Kardashian: "Everyone Takes Sex Pictures With Their Boyfriends"

Slut Machine — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 11:00:00 EST

Last night was the season finale of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, and I have to say, I'm really happy that that it got picked up for a second season. There was so much drama on last night's episode, namely, that naked pictures of Kourtney and her ex-boyfriend were being shopped around to tabloids. Apparently, it was all Kim's fault, since she stole the photos as a practical joke on Kourtney, and then somehow lost them. The FBI got involved, and managed to intervene. Since the photos were taken when Kourtney was underage, the sale of them would be illegal, whether they were stolen or not. It's a good thing the family has already had some experience dealing with these situations.

We got a rare glimpse of what Kim looks like without 70 layers of eye makeup.

She kinda looks better without it. Right?

Kardashian Sisters Befriend Homeless Man, Make Him Go Away

Slut Machine — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 11:30:00 EST

On last night's Keeping Up With the Kardashians, the girls got freaked out by a homeless leprechaun-type man who was loitering near their upscale clothing store, fearing he might scare off their customers (who apparently are anti-homeless men, but are OK with purchasing clothes in a strip mall from an amateur porn star). Khloe's "conscious" got the better of her, so she and Kourtney asked their mom what they should do. She said, "This is a great time to tell Khloe that it's not always about us." Meaning, "It's also about our reality show, and creating a plot." So the girls decided to help the guy out by shaving his beard, paying for his dentures, and driving him far, far away from Calabasas. I'm really starting to like how the girls always talk like they're on quaaludes.

Oh, and another thing, the subplot of the episode was that their brother Rob went on a date. The idea of him dating a stripper came up, to which Kim replied: "My brother is not dating a stripper. That's sick." She's really arbitrary when it comes to deciding what's appropriate and what's not. Dancing for dollars? No way! Golden shower scene for a homemade sex tape? Yes, sir!

She decided she needed to find him "a nice normal girl." So she set him up with Kara Monaco, Playmate of the Year, 2005. But whatever, why does he need help finding a date? He's totally cute.

He kinda has gay eyes though. Speaking of gay eyes:

After Shorty's makeover, he looked like an old lesbian.

Kourtney Kardashian Isn't Knocked Up; The Family Celebrates In Vegas

Slut Machine — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 16:00:00 EST

This week on our new favorite scripted reality show Keeping Up With the Kardashians, big sis Kourtney had a pregnancy scare. She took a home pregnancy test with the help Khloe (she's the one who got the DUI), who really offered some great words of advice when she said in monotone, "Calm down, it's not that big of a deal." When Kourtney found out she's not "preggers" Khloe suggested that they all go get wasted in Vegas — with their mom. Hey, remember when the little sisters Kendall and Kylie were playing Girls Gone Wild? Well, Khloe and Kourtney aren't playing, they do that shit for real.

Kourtney went to the gyno to find out for sure if she was in the family way. Is this a recreation of actual events like they had last week? Because I don't sit up like that, and my gyno makes me spread my legs back to my ears and has me scoot down the table until my ass is barely on it. If this is a reenactment, how ridiculously awesome is it they Kourtney green lit this scene?

The gang took a party bus for the six-hour trip to Vegas. It didn't have a bathroom, but it was still a home away from home, given the stripper pole.

Hey, where was that toilet when mom Kris peed in a parking lot?

The girls showed off their family assets in the club once they got to Vegas.

And then the mom joined them up there. BTW, she's totally wearing the dress Khloe had on when she was pulled over for her DUI.

Flagging With The Kardashians

Moe — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 21:10:44 EST

Over the weekend I watched Keeping Up With The Kardashians for the first time, and watching Bruce Jenner's resigned, paralyzed-looking face spliced up against scenes of his nine-year-old skipping around the household stripper pole to observe their elder sisters' trip to the Mexican estate of Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis, I started thinking idly about what Norman Mailer would have to say about it. And about then I decided I didn't want to know. Moving on, so: Hillary Clinton has started pairing her pantsuits with boots, a nun who abused hundreds of students throughout the sixties is finally being brought to justice and the well-liked priest who stalked Conan O'Brien turned himself into a news studio over the weekend. Banks are expected to take up to $400 billion more dollars in writeoffs, which wasn't good for today's market, but the Energy Department projected gas prices will rise another 20 cents a gallon — and the Gulf States have money to burn — ha ha, literally too! — on big-ticket exports, which is why it's a little depressing they're favoring Airbus to manufacture planes for them despite the fact that we're not the ones demanding they pay in Euros.

Benazir Bhutto has joined some guy who sold nuclear weapons secrets to North Korea in house arrest in Pakistan and, um, Howard Dean decreed Jews worthy of admittance to Heaven. (Mazel Tov, guys!) And with just two little months before the campaigning begins, for real...

Well, Obama is handing out glow necklaces in Iowa, while Meghan McCain and Cate Edwards campaign for their dads in New Hamsphire.

Khloe Kardashian Emerges From Shadow Cast By Kim's Magnificent Ass, Gets Own Storyline

Tracie — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 16:30:00 EST

We are so psyched that E! picked up Keeping Up With the Kardashians for another season, because it's totally the sleeper hit of quasi-celebrity-based reality shows. When we first learned of its existence, we were like, "Oh please, why the hell are they worth following?" Now we're like, "Oh please, give us more!" Previously, the show had focused on Kim's sex-drenched "career," and the impact it was seemingly having on her little sisters. But last night's episode was all about Khloe, and how she wasn't dealing very well with the anniversary of her father's death of cancer four years ago. (Lest we forget, Robert Kardashian is one of the men responsible for getting O.J. Simpson off on those murder charges, and he also maybe served as his coke dealer.) Anyway, Khloe turned to booze, then got in her car, then got pulled over, then went to jail. Mom Kris picked her up upon her release the next morning, wearing a Harajuku Lovers tracksuit...

What was weird was that a disclaimer ran before the episode, letting us know that some portions were reenacted, which was oddly honest.

Which parts were reenacted? The entire sobriety test? The entire ride home? The entire fucking thing? And if so, how ridiculous/awesome is this family for going along with reenacting painful and embarrassing moments for the sake of good television?

The other thing that's weird is that Khloe occasionally will look stunning:

And other times will look like the wrestler Chyna:

Shocker! Kim Kardashian's Momager Wishes She Could've Posed For Playboy

Tracie — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 17:00:00 EST

The thing about Keeping Up With the Kardashians is that it's soooo watchable. Not like in a must-see TV way, but in like a trip-to-the-zoo way. There's something really animalistic and disgusting about these people's behavior that I just want to stare at them in awe. This week they showed Kim's Playboy shoot, for which she vowed to stay true to herself and not show so much. Yeah, we all know how that turned out. Apparently, all she needed was for Hef to tell her that Marilyn Monroe was in the first issue of Playboy, and the pants and top came off right quick. But first, Kim wanted her mom to pose nude, as a show of solidarity, or sisterhood, or...motherhood? After the jump, let's try to determine if those boobs of hers are real.

It's great when moms help us along in life, and give us the courage to get naked and spread our legs as a way to shake off that stigma we earned when we made a sex tape.

So, do you think these are real?

Kim Kardashian's Baby Sisters Continue To Be Sexual, Age Inappropriate

Tracie — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 12:30:00 EDT

On last night's Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Kim, Khloe, Kourtney and momager Kris all headed down to Joe Francis' multi-million dollar vacation home in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico to shoot a print campaign for the new Girls Gone Wild "couture" swimsuit line—a personal request Francis made via phone from his jail cell. So while the family is away, half-brother Brody Jenner steps in to babysit the two little girls, Kylie, 9, and Kendall, 11. The girls begin to play "Girls Gone Wild," by lifting up their shirts, screaming "Woo!" and then eventually making their way to the stripper pole in their parents' room. Then Brody's "manager" Frankie Delgado films them. It's all really insane, considering that right now, Joe Francis is in major trouble for filming underage girls. Oh, then in the "coming up on the next episode" teaser, we get to see Kim being adamant about not wanting to remove her top for her Playboy shoot. As we've learned this week, she bared it all. And when we say "all" we mean her nips, lips, and cheeks.

All of the photos look real '70s Playboy. Well, you know, with the exception of a lack of pubic hair.

Kim Kardashian PLAYBOY Magazine PICS!!! [The Life Files]