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Couple's First Kiss Happened At The Altar

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Mrs. Jones
12/01/08

In reply to Couple's First Kiss Happened At The Altar
Why is it that if they HAD decided to have crazy, Dan-Savage-style, kinky sex, we'd all be OK with it ... but since they both CONSENTED to an abstinent relationship, we bash them?

Are you THREATENED by the idea of celibate love?

What's going on here?
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Shamrockette
12/01/08

@Mrs. Jones: It's probably that it conflicts with many Jezzies' philosophies on relationships, where the majority believe you should test-drive the car before you buy it.

I don't have a problem with it, except when they preach that you should follow what they did. Then it's a problem.
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Brigit
12/02/08

@Shamrockette: "when they preach that you should follow what they did."

That precisely is the problem. That 'holier-than-thou sinning sinners' attitude that gets me.
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Dogtanian
12/01/08

In reply to Couple's First Kiss Happened At The Altar
I'm a bit late to this, which is a shame because I also didn't kiss my husband until we got married.

Admittedly we had a very short engagement (about a month and a half)during which we spoke on the phone everyday and met up a few times, but always in public.

Our first kiss was in private and it was wonderful, as was everything else. There's no way of saying this without sounding soppy, but I knew then and even more so now that he's my favourite person in the world, so everything fell into place.
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Shamrockette
12/01/08

@Dogtanian: Awww, I'm glad it worked out for you and your husband.

I think the thing with waiting until marriage is you can't guarantee you'll have chemistry with the other person. It's hit and miss. Some get fantastic spouses; others aren't so lucky.
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highwaistedshortshorts
12/01/08

In reply to Couple's First Kiss Happened At The Altar
Dude I go to a Christian college and I grew up in the church, so I see a lot of stuff like this. I went to a wedding where the bride and groom shared their first kiss at the altar and all I could think was "awkward". I mean, your parents and all your friends are witnessing your first kiss with this guy. I could never do this. (Note: I'm considered somewhat slutty at my school. I'm a virgin. Christians can be so weird)
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Shamrockette
12/01/08

@highwaistedshortshorts: I know, right?

It would just be TOO awkward for me. I mean, I can probably wait to have sex, but kissing? Hell no!
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Pizza!Pizza!Pizza!
12/01/08

In reply to Couple's First Kiss Happened At The Altar
What the article fails to mention is that he found parking in the rear, like, months ago (away from God's prying eyes).

I'm pretty sure there were kissing sects in the early days of Christianity.
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lalaland13
12/01/08

In reply to Couple's First Kiss Happened At The Altar
Sigh. I really do wonder if a lack of physical contact makes you rush into things-for instance, an old co-worker of mine just got married at 24 after vowing to wait till marriage. She and the hubs basically got married at a courthouse, I think, after her parents said she was nuts and shouldn't do it. Her parents are nutty fundamentalists who I think abused her, and hew new hubby does apparently treat her well. Still, as a mutual friend said: She got blinded by a combination of love and anger when she got married so fast, after becoming engaged after just a few months of dating.
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Vivien Smith-Smythe-Smith
12/01/08

In reply to Couple's First Kiss Happened At The Altar
They would snuggle sitting up? That's how these things get started, anyway!
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Aesop's Foibles. YES.
12/01/08

In reply to Couple's First Kiss Happened At The Altar
I think that the physical aspect of a relationship serves as a building block, meaning its a vital part of the relationship's structure. I mean, really. My physical relations with my BF (and i'm not only referring to actual sex, but even just randomly feeling up on eachother during the day or what have you) are a tangible expression of our love for eachother. I second the assertion that touch can be healing, at the very least, it's comforting. Hence the results of that study years ago with the baby monkey (you know, when the scientists put a bottle with a wire mommy, and a bottle with a soft fabric mommy, and the baby monkey would not go to the wire mommy) and I think everyone knows that babies fare better emotionally in adulthood if they have lots of skin-to-skin contact w/their parent(s). So it makes sense for adults too. If I'm sad or feeling shitty, I'll go to my BF and hug him for a few, and it helps me feel better instantly. Anyhoo, I guess this couple felt that their rather extreme choice was best for them, me and my slutty cohorts would definitely disagree but to each his/her own. I would advise my own kid, don't put the cart in front of the barn door because the milk isn't free and the timely bird gets the apple and the other ones stay in the hand. Or the bush. (heh)
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Aesop's Foibles. YES.
12/01/08

@terribletwenties: Just so we're clear, I have sex w/my BF whenever the opportunity arises. We don't just hug and feel up on eachother. So to conclude, touching/kissing is good for you and so is doin it and doin it and doin it well.
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Brigit
12/01/08

@terribletwenties: Mr.B has been addicted to my backrubs for years. He's as serious at asking for backrubs as my cats are about asking for bellyrubs.
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Miss Smith Drank Your Vodka
12/01/08

In reply to Couple's First Kiss Happened At The Altar
One of the problem I have with adults pushing abstinence is that the majority of them have had sex in the past.

In church, they used to always preach to us to refrain from sex, drugs, etc. But then they would tell stories of their wild "bad" days, in which they engaged neurotically in all things we were to refrain from.
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GoodbyeBlueMonday
12/01/08

In reply to Couple's First Kiss Happened At The Altar
My grandma always told me "Don't sleep with a man you could never marry, and don't marry a man you've never slept with."

Seems logical to me.

Also, just more proof that my grandma is fantastic.
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sequined
12/01/08

@GoodbyeBlueMonday: Now I'm pondering if I've always adhered to the first part of that advice. You've just thrown me for a loop!
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Pizza!Pizza!Pizza!
12/01/08

@GoodbyeBlueMonday: Smart grandma.
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ceejeemcbeegee is not here
12/01/08

In reply to Couple's First Kiss Happened At The Altar
I know a couple who did this. They seem very happy. Got 3 great kids and one on the way.

Just sayin'.
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Millipede
12/01/08

In reply to Couple's First Kiss Happened At The Altar
Wait until she finds herself dealing with the Internet porn addiction he developed during their courtship. I promise, honey, it's going to be MAGICAL.
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Brigit
12/01/08

@Millipede: Yuck, I unfortunately know men like this. And not old farts, but grad students, that even bring their mags to lab while stating how religious they and their girlfriends are.
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LimitedLiabilityGirl
12/01/08

In reply to Couple's First Kiss Happened At The Altar
I know this "no kissing" thing may seem extreme but there are lots of observant Jewish people who follow a "no physical contact at all" rule in their dating. They also typically get married between the ages of 18-22, which AS A PART of a much larger social and religious structure, seems reasonable to me. If you're going to be hardcore about the sanctity of marriage, you gotta support kids getting hitched while the iron is hot (since we're mixing metaphors today!) and then support them afterward while they get adjusted to being adults and spouses and parents.

People who still go to bible study every week and proclaim their virginity because they've never been married AND ARE THIRTY-FIVE need to srsly reconsider their mental state, I think. And I say this as an ex-Evangelical who had some youth group leaders who fit that bill.
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Grim Reaper of the Forest
12/01/08

@LimitedLiabilityGirl: That was always my issue. It seems plausible to ask someone to remain a virgin until marriage if girls are being married between the ages of 16 and 19, but not if we now wait until the early 30s. Now, some of the abstinence people would also like to go back to marrying girls off young, but I think that ship has sailed.
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Strictlyforpleasure
12/01/08

In reply to Couple's First Kiss Happened At The Altar
Growing up in a legalistic, Christian home, I knew more than a few couples who had the no kissing rule, and obviously way more people who vowed (and kept, to the best of my knowledge) abstinence until they were married.

I also saw many, many divorces within one to two years of marriage, and more couples who should have gotten out of those relationships but didn't because divorce was a "sin."

Coincidence? Maybe so. But I feel there is a certain amount of chemistry that needs to be discovered - through a physical relationship - before two people can really commit their lives to each other.

My dad would so disown me if he read what I just wrote.
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FourInchHeels
12/01/08

@Strictlyforpleasure: He may also disown you for having that username!
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SarahMC
12/01/08

In reply to Couple's First Kiss Happened At The Altar
It is completely counterintuitive to claim that being abstinent allows you to make better decisions with a clearer head. All the anticipation and longing and tension CAN'T be conducive to rational decision-making. A lot of the kids raised on ab-only, religious dogma get married to the first person they feel like boning because they are so damned eager to bone with god's blessing. That's impulsiveness, and anything but clear-headed.
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tscheese
12/01/08

In reply to Couple's First Kiss Happened At The Altar
I guess what bothers me is this: some "courtship advocates" aren't able to approach this as a personal choice. Some people aren't able to step back and say, "Okay, this works for me and my partner, we have our reasons for doing this, we're fine with it."

For them, it's a moral decision, and if you're having sex before marriage, you're sinning. If you're not doing exactly what they are doing, you are committing immorality and you must stop what you're doing immediately and go to God for forgiveness. Has anyone ever heard the term "recycled virgin"? It means that if you've "sinned" by having sex, you can beg forgiveness from God and "reclaim" your virginity. It'll be like you never had sex at all!

That's what rankles me. I'm not committing immorality, goddamnit, I'm having consensual fun with grown-ass adults. These two can do whatever they want, but they'd better not try to foist their choices off on me.
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Brigit
12/01/08

@tscheese: grrr I have a cousin like that and she pisses me off to no end.

She can tout her recycled virginity all she wants, but her holier-than-thou attitude around me, when she was very very promiscuous and I was a stay-at-home nerd during our teens, makes my blood boil.

Seriously, all the time she's pontificating I just want to remind her of her nekkid pics with the ex-bf. Of course I don't, but it's the hypocrisy that gets me.
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