Jezebel: Finance Roundup

Finance Roundup: This Isn't Really About Our Finances, Because That's Too Depressing

Moe — Thu, 29 Mar 2007 13:27:22 EDT

But you can totally sound like you read the Wall Street Journal if you stick with us! (For talking to Dana Vachon types, natch!) Today we wondered, will LVMH's loss of Heidi Slimane roil global stock exchanges once investors realize how traumatized everyone in New York is about it? No! LVMH stock seems to approve of the Slimane sackery! But his name was so easy to remember! And we still don't get why we're supposed to care about Proenza Perfumedress. At least Hedi 2.0 has an easy to remember name: it looks like Kiss My Ass! Actually, Hedi's departure from Dior was, according to the one person we know who actually knows about this shit, in the works for a loooooong time, so let's get on to more interesting things.

Take it from the Journal: skinny jeans are over. [WSJ]
What's harder to pronounce than "Ghesquiere"? Hachette Filipacchi, the owner of Elle, whose CEO Jack Kliger claims teenage girls would rather use the internet than read print magazines and informs us Elle Girl is actually still online. [WSJ]
If you shop, as we shop, at TJ Maxx, your credit card information stolen from the company by hackers has probably already expired, so if you are, as we are, completely irresponsible you will proabably just forget about it and commence not ever looking at your bill. [WSJ]
Nobody knows how the fuck to pay for college. Take it from us: don't go! [WSJ]
You will be more Zen if you get organized, closet therapists say. You will also be more Zen if you have money, Suze Orman says. We would be more Zen if we had some Adderall right now, because none of that shit is happening.

Finance Roundup: We Scan The Biz Pages So As To Stop Hating Ourselves

Moe — Wed, 28 Mar 2007 14:06:12 EDT

Sick of celebs — of the non Money Honey neo-P. Keaton variety — yet? Good, cause it's time for finance roundup, that thing we're doing so we don't lose all our neurons to the silicon-silicone vortex. (Get that? Please?) Basically the big news today is that the Fed Chief, who is no longer Alan Greenspan so we really don't trust him, has called a recession "unlikely" despite all the bad news for the housing market, meaning you may actually be able to afford those babydoll dresses and lumberjack flannels along with your rent this time around. But probably not. Because economic health is for rich people.

The WSJ blogs about The New Republic writing about how Freakonomics has ruined Economics. Steven Levitt's response is incredibly thorough and well put — NOT! We'd side with TNR on this one because we hated the 2.7 chapters we read of Freakonomics, but we can't really hate on economists for being "addicted to cleverness" when we're so addicted to... oh yeah, carbohydrates. [WSJ]

Macy's beats out Microsoft for the M ticker symbol on the New York Stock Exchange. This is fucking retarded, as far as we're concerned, namely because Bill Gates is practically Angelina when it comes to giving away money, and Federated Department Stores' name has only been "Macy's" for about five seconds, and well basically because Macys'. Totally. Sucks. [WSJ]

Chick-food hating Burger King does a solid for chicks, proverbial and actual, vowing to buy pork and eggs only from suppliers who vow not to keep their animals in crates and cages. [NYT]

Finance Roundup: Otherwise Known As Powerless Lunch

Moe — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 13:52:06 EDT

Finance is a fecund topic today, namely because our finances are so universally pathetic. As New York Mag reminded us this week, we have no insurance, we don't take advantage of tax breaks, and the idea of taking time off from work gives us acid reflux. (If only because we can't fathom the thought of a week off to ponder the notion that this is our career). Here, the financial headlines rich and thin..

After reaping billions off the insecurities, label whorishness of Americans, Indian returns to countrymen to make even more money Mohan Murjani sells $100 Tommy Hilfiger jeans to Indians for whom $100 is 2 months' salary. Jeans=the engagement rings of arranged marriage society=everyone in the world is fucking insane. Read for the quotes about $5,000 a year call center workers justify buying Gucci stilettos. [WSJ]

Juggler worth of our antipathy: You, too, can juggle a career, motherhood AND home-schooling responsibilities — as long as your husband manages the part about discussing the historical figure whose birthday it is at breakfast every morning with your daughters. No, really. [WSJ]

One girl's closet=another girl's portfolio!; Sometimes, when we actually leave our house, we wander into luxury department stores and start fingering attractive minimalist clothing that, it turns out, is labeled Calvin Klein. That has nothing to do with why Calvin Klein, the lifestyle brand formerly affiliated with a designer also named Calvin Klein, is actually turning a decent profit. A management team from a schlocky dressmaker that thinks up shit like CK2IN2U is more like it. [WSJ]

Finance Roundup: It's A Lot Easier To Be Thin When You Are Rich: Our Personal Finance Roundup

Moe — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 15:17:54 EDT

Skip lunch, read these articles and kill two birds! As we went to press it was a kinda-whatever day in the markets, allegedly on bad home sales data — no surprise to all you readers whose minds are so deadened and perfume-addled from the April glossy gluttony that you shirked your womanly duties to read The Economist last weekend! Well yeah, that's probably just us. In the future, we'll post the internet's most fun financial stories here. Basically, because we need a break from Tyra.

Lazy and carb avoidance go together like bleu cheese and bacon! The prepared salad business ventures close to $3 billion. [WSJ]
Forbes is launching a business magazine—for women! And to prove how seriously they take us as an audience, they've tapped the editor of Four Seasons Magazine to run it! [New York Post]
A new business book examines the implications of private labels like H&M, Trader Joe's and Zara on "brands" like Ralph Lauren, Safeway and presumably, Tila Tequila [LA Times]

It's a Win-Win-Win For the Gender! Flouting the conventional wisdom that Maria Bartiromo is the hottest woman on CNBC, a blogger is conducting a strange experiment to see who readers think is the real Money Honey. [Opposite George]