Jezebel 
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New York, 5:36 AM
Fri Dec 18
65 posts in the last 24 hours
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12/14/09
12/15/09
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I'm not impressed with Jenny Sanford. For one thing her constant reference to "god" is somewhat irritating & unnecessary to me.
12/15/09
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12/14/09
As if the other women weren't?
Each has her own truth, and they each had their own reasons for doing what they did.
Plus, how many women stick by their cheating husbandsmaybe because they love them too much to leave? Or maybe they just can't afford to do it?
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Is it possible that some women make the "choice" to stay with philandering husbands who have publicly humiliated them because they fear not having access to their children if they divorce? Or because they fear that their own reputation or job prospects will be even more damaged if they leave him? Or because they're strong-armed into staying with the guy by the political party that has an interest in him staying in power? Or because they've been made to feel that it's their own fault that he cheated, whether or not that's true?
Until I can read these women's minds and ascertain that they really were following "their own truth," I'm not going to be proud of the way they stand, silent and humiliated, next to the men who repaid the sacrifice of their careers with betrayal and public scandal.
12/15/09
Women are entitled to make decisions about themselves and their families. But it is refreshing to finally see someone whose decision does not include meekly standing by someone who not only cheated on them, but publicly humiliated them (which for me, would be worse than the actual cheating itself).
12/15/09
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12/15/09
It's true that we don't understand what goes on in the mind of a woman who publicly -- and in visible emotional pain -- stands by her politician man. But we don't understand exactly what goes on in the mind and private life of any individual. Still, individuals make decisions, and especially when they make those decisions publicly or in a way that affects others, they're open to judgement.
I'm not saying judging these people means drumming them out of town, or whatever. But I do think it's worth discussing their decisions and actions, especially when those decisions have wider implications.
This is why, although my heart goes out to Silda Spitzer and everything she's been through, at one level I do judge her for giving up her career to support her husband's political ambitions, and then standing up there with him once he had destroyed the thing they had both sacrificed for. As much as I want her to do well and come out as a strong human being, and to be happy in whatever way she can be, I'm troubled by the fact that she affirmed a certain role for women by making those decisions.
This is also, mind you, why I judge Michelle Obama *positively* for having spoken quite frankly about the sacrifices she has had to make, and how unwilling she was to make them. Even if she did also give up her own career to play June Cleaver to the nation, she's made it clear she doesn't think that's natural for a woman or to be taken lightly.
12/15/09
I am not proud that some women are victims of their circumstance (see: having to stay for financial security or custody issues).
Judging and discussing intelligently and recognizing your own biases is one thing. I think your last post is a perfect example of this.
Disregarding the validity of someone's deeply personal choice is separate issue, regardless of whether the decision was aired publicly or not. Therefore, the assertion that only women who leave their cheating husbands show "self respect" (the article's words, not yours) is disregarding the opinions, beliefs and situations of the women being discussed.
12/15/09
(Yay! Dialogue!)
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12/14/09
My theory is that Tiger was single handidly trying to save the dying newspaper industry.
12/14/09
What I do know is that she most certainly has a heart ten sizes too small. And at this point, I'm not sure Tiger has one at all.
12/14/09
I told my friend this as we watched this morning and he said "look, she got stuff from him...hotel rooms, trips, drinks. Just because she didn't cash a check or feel green in her hand doesn't mean she wasn't whoring herself out for a rich athlete." I don't know how I feel about that. I do know when she said she had this epiphany 6 months after they started sleeping together it sounded a bit contrived.
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But that's just me.
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12/14/09
I sorta like that they talk & not just quietly fade into the woodwork.
If you lie with dogs, you'll get up with flea, Tiger.
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With that said, why is sleeping with someone's partner a girl on girl crime? I mean, isn't it the partner's (i.e. cheater's) responsibility to take care of their marriage? Why should that fall on a complete stranger? Again, I am not advocating being an asshat to people (see my disclaimer above), but it's just that I do not understand the vilification of those who sleep with married people. It is not their marriage to take care of, after all.
12/14/09
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12/14/09
I am sorry, I fail to see how it is some stranger's task to protect the sanctity of a person's marriage. The whole point reeks of religious overtones for me to be comfortable with. A marriage is between two people, not three. Whatever a third party does is not part of the contract. The blame is solely on the cheater for me.
12/14/09
12/14/09
First off, I'd only condemn someone who knowingly slept with someone else's spouse. If the cheater was lying about his/her marital status, the "mistress" is not at fault.
In cases where the other party does know the person is married, it's different. It doesn't violate the bonds of matrimony, but it does violate common courtesy. It's not their marriage to take care of, but if you hold the institution of marriage in any kind of esteem*, it's not right to engage in something that defiles it.
It's like any other rule or law -- there are degrees of culpability. It would be unforgivable for me to get drunk and then get behind the wheel of the car. It's not much better to watch a friend get drunk and get behind the wheel of a car, and not make any attempt to take her keys, and just say, "Well, I wasn't the one driving."
How about this example: I don't think anyone would admire a friend who encouraged a spouse to cheat. ("Come on man, you could totally hit that. Wifey'll never know, I'll cover for you.") Said friend has nothing to do with the wedding vows and wouldn't even be DOING the cheating, but would be really sleazy nonetheless. Wouldn't the same standard apply to the third party who is knowingly screwing with someone else's marriage?
Ultimately, it's the spouse's responsibility, but I don't weep for anyone who encourages or facilitates cheating.
*Some people probably don't, and that's a separate issue.
12/14/09
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12/14/09
My whole point was that we shouldn't think of cheating as anything important because it's sexual. Sexuality, to me, is completely dumb. There's no logic to it. Why try to subjugate it to some...any, sort of moral system? Sexuality arises out of monkey-like instincts. Let's just live, humanely, and, thereby, try to get the most out of our dumb lives, and in the process, try not to hurt people too much. Hopefully, all of this will result in the goal of dying happily. That's my philosophy. --That doesn't mean a complete blank check, though. It sucks when people use their sexuality as a cudgel against their loved ones.
12/15/09
12/15/09
As for the committing to marriage part, hey, people make mistakes. Sometimes they think they can but can't in the end. Hey, errare humanum est.
12/14/09
I watched the actual interview this morning and, somehow, it comes off very different here. I'm not sure if it's the male voice-over or that her answers are broken down into sound-bites but the effect makes me feel a bit blamier than I did while watching the original interview.
12/14/09
12/14/09
I personally blame the married cheater 100% of the time.
It's not the responsibility of the single person to maintain the "sanctity of marriage," but the responsibility of the married person.
12/14/09
We are totally allowed to think they're tacky and not too bright - because we would likely think that whether they'd slept with Tiger or not.
12/14/09
12/14/09
The women should not be held to the same moral standard because they are not married.
Had the women cheated on their spouse and forsaken their vows to their spouse, I would hold them to the same moral standard as I hold Tiger.
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12/14/09
Not saying that what she and Tiger did was right, or that what she said in her interview rang especially true for me. But she should have a chance to say her piece -- particularly as a non-public person who was suddenly thrown into the spotlight.
12/14/09
I mean, she's a stay-at-home mom, not a celeb of any kind, and a quick google news search shows that she went from never having her name in the paper to being the subject of literally tens of thousands of news stories in the matter of one really bad week. She's not used to dealing with publicity, accusations, or slander. So while I look at her story as perhaps the least important thing I'll read all day, she's reading all this and fearing that her life is ruined. Under that circumstance, I might try to defend myself too.
12/14/09
However, I am disappointed with the number of comments here about how these women are pathetic or immoral for sleeping with a married man. I think the vast majority of the blame for these affairs falls on Tiger. And I truly believe that by blaming the "other woman" when an affair occurs we, as a society, deflect responsibility from the person who is mostly at fault: the person who has violated their marriage contract.
It seems to me that when a husband cheats on his wife, it's always the other woman (or women in this case) who are at fault. "They wickedly tempted the man and he just couldn't help himself, she was out for fame, out for money, etc." But if a wife cheats on a husband, no one calls out the "other man" and attempts to place blame on him. The blame is solely with the wife.
It seems to me that men get let off the hook far too much for sexual indiscretions. I'm tired of seeing women blamed constantly for these things.
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If the roles were reversed, I have a funny feeling that many people making this argument would then say "he took advantage of her" instead of saying she should take the "vast majority of the blame". (i'm saying people in general, not you specifically)
As women who want equality, we have to stand up for our rights, but we also need to be able to admit our faults and learn from them, and more importantly do our best not to repeat them.
How many of these women will go on to sleep with more married men? I'd bet a majority of them because they don't see it as wrong because of the "he's the one in a relationship" argument. And that's complete and total BS--it's purposely trying to avoid responsibility--which truly is pathetic.
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:: sobs ::
12/14/09