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Dude Makes Abortion Party All About Dudes
New York, 8:25 AM
Sun Dec 6
21 posts in the last 24 hours
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Dude Makes Abortion Party All About Dudes |
Original material is licensed under a Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing with attribution.
07/09/09
I work at an abortion fund, and because we just don't have the money to cover the full cost of anyone's abortion, we ALWAYS ask women to come up with as much as they can on their own. abortions are expensive - usually about $350 - $600, and even commercial insurance doesn't always pay for them. there's been some discussion of the Hyde Amendment on Jezebel before, but for those of you who aren't aware - federal money cannot be used to pay for abortions, which means that unless a state opts to use its own money to fund the abortions of women who use Medicaid (only 17 do), the women are basically entirely without insurance.
so we brainstorm ways that they can come up with money, and a large part of that is asking everyone they can possibly think of, even for $5 or $10. they might not say it's for an abortion, but they might. and I really don't see what the problem is, if this woman and her partner decided together that an abortion was the best option and then realized that they didn't have the money to pay for it, that they chose to have a party and ask friends that way.
abortion just isn't a huge, tragic, sad thing to everyone and that's okay. everyone should be allowed to deal with it in ways that they want. and if their friends weren't cool with the idea of the party, I'm sure they could have decided to not go and not contribute any money.
but I bet when one of that woman's friends finds herself in a similar situation (and that will probably happen, since some reports say that 1/3 of women will have an abortion in their lifetimes), she'll know that she can turn to her friend for help.
07/09/09
Also, it's always really interesting to me how sensitive men can be about some things (And that's my own sexism speaking there). I once told my ex that if I got pregnant, I'd take it care of it on my own without consulting him and he was genuinely hurt, saying he'd like to be able to give his support through the procedure.
07/09/09
07/09/09
He really just sounds like someone with a sociological mind. My b/f and I frequently have much different takeaways from social events. My mind is more psych/sociological and his isn't. I always leave events with questions- not just about protocol but on other people's behaviors. The same way this writer does. Everything he wrote seems fairly relatable to me- in general. Observing others' behavior/analyzing the behavior/creating potential reasons for the behavior/wondering if my behavior would be the same or different. It becomes a discussion "about dudes" because he's a "dude" and that's the window with which he can most genuinely view the world.
07/09/09
This "abortion party" sounds exactly like the sort of caricature that wackjobs make to discredit the pro-choice community as just a bunch of heartless women who just *love* to get abortions and party about it. I can't help but feel that something like this ultimately hurts the cause. I mean, come on, Bill O'Reilly would have a freakin' field day with something like this.
07/09/09
After I had an uncomplicated abortion I felt relieved and grateful, but my partner and I cried many times about the baby we lost. It was not a trivial thing for either of us.
07/08/09
07/08/09
I am I supposed to call him an asshole for "forgiving the women?" So, I guess the proper thing for him to do is to call them stupid bitches.
I think that 21st century chivalry is how men often don't call women out for behaving rudely. Which I suppose is a form of patriarchy.
07/09/09
07/08/09
Honestly, some background as to the character of the boyfriend, the personalities of her friends, and the personality of Maggie to explain the 'tension' in the room better than musing about the emotions surrounding abortion.
My suspicion: Maggie's friends might be negative towards the boyfriend for his hand in causing the pregnancy.
07/08/09
That being said, I don't think any woman should ever have to justify an abortion. Period. Just like any other medical decision.
In fact, the most disturbing part of this piece, for me at least, was the fact that someone had to hold a fucking party to raise funds for a fairly simple (and legal) medical procedure. Disgusting.
07/08/09
"Greatest Country on Earth," my ass.
07/08/09
Planned Parenthood offers a sliding scale. I feel that this girl could have worked with the sliding scale and drummed up money *privately* among her friends.
07/08/09
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07/08/09
not to mention, perhaps this was her way of dealing with the situation - much as some people use humor to mask pain etc etc.
personally i think the donations bucket is brilliant.
meanwhile the us senate is trying to block abortion coverage from the health reform bill.
07/08/09
It's clear, though, that he's got a lot of learning to do. If he thinks having a child at an abortion party is weird, then he doesn't quite get it. The majority of women getting abortions are already mothers. And 20-somethings who get them will likely have a kid at some point.
07/08/09
As someone who has had an abortion and suffered medical complications (albeit temporary, thank God), it grates me to see women talk about abortion as if it is as simply as getting a tooth filled. It's not.
07/08/09
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07/08/09
I agree, an abortion should be a private thing. Its not something to have a party about, no reason to celebrate a very complicated choice. I think these actions only serve to give the pro life movement fodder to attack with. Planned Parenthood offers a sliding scale, there was no reason to drum up money like it was a benefit for someone with cancer. Also, that cake made me cringe.
07/08/09
07/08/09
maybe not for you, but for some women, yes it is that simple.
either you believe in reproductive freedom or you don't.
07/08/09
07/09/09
Why? Why, if a million are being performed in the US every year, do we only hear about them in hushed tones? Why, if it is legal, do most women have to take a day off work just to find a clinic to perform the procedure? Why do so many still have to make a trek to actually get one? And how many are telling their bosses exactly what they're taking time off for? How many teenagers are so ashamed of being pregnant they wait months to do something about it?
Even if you think the party is tacky, it is one of the first times I have read an article about abortion that didn't involve a huge secret coming out, or that involved real people rather than extremes (raped children or selfish sluts).
07/09/09
@HeatherNumber1: @challygirl: I don't think it "should" or "shouldn't" be anything. We need not dictate how other women "should" handle their personal business. If she wants to tell her friends and handle it lightly, fine. If she wants to keep it a secret, that's fine too.
07/08/09
This is hilarious and really telling. Often when privileged people, *cough* upperclasswhitemales, have a problem with others' actions and can't quite pinpoint why, it's because they have the gall to act just like them (the *couch* upperclasswhitemales). And it's always presented as a tragedy, this eye for an eye, when the same people critiquing aren't exactly trying to villify the behavior in the first place - as long as it's coming from the right people.
Still, feel bad for the couple. Classic 'It seemed like a good idea at the time...' moment, but no amount of hipster irony can quash real relationship difficulties or complex emotions.
07/08/09
I am, however, glad to see that this young guy is taking the time to seriously consider his own role in the larger picture with regards to relationships, reproduction, and abortion, but I sincerely hope he also takes the time to read through his own article and see where things he says or thinks might be interpreted as hostile toward women making this choice. I get a vibe that he felt some hostility directed toward him just by virtue of being male. That might have been true, but I also would probably feel like looking askance at a guy who gave off the impression that he was uncomfortable with the whole idea of an abortion party, and felt that enjoying young children and supporting abortion are somehow antithetical.