Jezebel 
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New York, 11:15 PM
Mon Nov 9
67 posts in the last 24 hours
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10/27/09
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When I first started dating the BF, he was a big eater- always wanting to go to restaurants and get dessert and eat, eat, eat. I sat him down one day and just plain asked if he was a feeder. He said no- that he just liked food and hated to cook for himself. Thank god he isn't but it's still something I look out for. #tyramenobesewomen
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George: It has porn!
Elaine:......still no. #tyramenobesewomen
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10/26/09
does not compute.
also, TOTALLY disturbed by his description of sex "with a big girl" like boxing "you step in there and you knock 'em out" what the fuck is that supposed to mean?
and there are only two clips from the show but im wondering, does nikki ever get to speak about her sexuality? or is the focus just on him and how he has sex with her? #tyramenobesewomen
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It's a personal preference if someone has been with a number of people, and in retrospect, notices that they all shared one particular quality. Example, every boy I've ever gone out with has liked Tool. So I guess my personal preference when it comes to boyfriends is guys who like Tool. And maybe if I saw a guy in a Tool shirt, that alone would make him more attractive to me. But it isn't really a conscious thing. And it's definitely not a factor in deciding whether or not I like someone.
It's a fetish (though this isn't what the word means, I think this is what people mean now when they say it) when you are aware of the quality that all the people you've been with shared, and it's the ONLY, or primary, thing you were attracted to or liked about them, and the only thing you're looking for in someone in the future.
Like if you set someone up with a blind date, and they have an asian fetish, the first question is, "is she asian?" or "what ethnicity is she?" Or if you're out and a guy with a redhead fetish comes up to you and says "I love redheads" and tries to hit on you when he doesn't know anything about you other than your hair color.
But then there are things like parents wanting their daughter to marry a "nice Jewish boy", or someone looking for a partner who has money, or gay men who like Bears, so it's hard to say if that definition of "fetish" is even a bad thing. I think it is when it objectifies people and limits them to one defining characteristic, or when it's based in something perceived as a "kink" like liking "big women".
But I bet that if we looked back at our dating history, we'd all be able to spot patterns and similarities in the people we've been attracted to. It only seems to be noticed as a "fetish" when society tells us the thing we are attracted to is not conventionally attractive...
I don't know, sorry for the rambling. #tyramenobesewomen
10/26/09
10/26/09
"There's a difference between a preference and a fetish, in that someone with a fetish (correct me if I'm wrong) is turned on by the actual characteristic and not a person with the characteristic. For example, a man might have a preference for fat women because they find those women attractive or they are fat themselves, whereas a person with a fat fetish is actually turned on by the idea of fatness, and of someone being fat. Does that make sense?"
[www.feministing.com]
Which is like what you said - what's the primary factor operating? #tyramenobesewomen
10/27/09
Which I still can't say is necessarily bad, because if you HAVE that sense of "other" you might as well examine it & work through it. Like I don't have much of a problem with girls who get drunk and kiss each other because it's better than being homophobic, even if it is hypocritical and stupid and they're just doing it for the shock of "oh my god, I kissed a girl". Better that it come out as fascination than hate, I guess. But it should be between people who respect each other as humans and are both aware of what kind of game is being played...
And I don't think that the experience should be used to validate a person's psychological delusions as actual fact, because that's how we end up with people who say stuff like "I'm not racist, I slept with a black guy", when they continue to hold racist beliefs, say racist things, and act in racist ways. If the thought of "sleeping with a black guy" excites you, then do it, I guess, but you should come out of the experience changed. It shouldn't become a situation where you're like a mouse in an experiment, continually pushing the lever to get another shot of a drug, just re-affirming your conceptions because you can't see beyond them... Because it's wrong from an outside perspective, but also because it's a scary world for someone to be in, psychologically, when they're so completely wrapped up in their own mind.
I don't knoooooow. It's tricky. #tyramenobesewomen
10/27/09
So maybe the difference between a fetish and a preference is that the fetishist is unabashedly happy. #tyramenobesewomen
10/26/09
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10/26/09
Then again, I suppose the Tyra show is not where you go when you want to be treated with tact and subtlety. #tyramenobesewomen
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