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New York, 10:17 AM
Thu Nov 26
64 posts in the last 24 hours

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  • posts about #fathers more →

    "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys

    To Benefit Kids, Give Dads Their Due

    British Researchers: Kids Healthier When Moms Don't Work

    Hiding Vogue: How Dads Can Build Girls' Self-Esteem

    Father's Day: Fatherhood Initiative Encourages Dads To Man Up

    Boot Camp Helps Men Prepare To Be Fathers

    Happy Father's Day, Dad

    If You're Holding Out For "Hope", You Might Be Single For A While

    Like Father

    True Life: My Son Is Obsessed With Urinals
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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of dayglo dayglo
    11/17/09

    In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
    Sometimes I think I might like to try for a girl. Then I look at my son's best friend who is female (and a big tomboy) and realize that even if I manage to line two X chromosomes up, I might still never have any pink dresses! #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    dayglo was starred dayglo was unstarred
    Image of rednrowdy rednrowdy
    11/17/09

    In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
    personally i think this goes back to the whole "this isn't how i pictured my life to be" complaint. if you have your heart set on a boy and a girl or whatever, well good for you, but real life happens when you're making other plans, and 'real life' is a lot more than pink hats and cute baby sundresses in the store window. #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    rednrowdy was starred rednrowdy was unstarred
    Image of BytheSea BytheSea
    11/16/09

    In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
    I'm disappointed my brother's first kid is a boy. Boys are just ... there. They don't talk as much, you can't connect with them as quickly or as deeply as you can with girls. Really, I never met a little boy I could have a conversation with, or even a teenage boy who actually looked at people when he was talking to them. Girls are just more ... evolved. Emotionally. I feel like I got the discount version. #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    BytheSea was starred BytheSea was unstarred
    Image of marciax3 marciax3
    11/16/09

    @BytheSea: Wow. Are you for real?
    sigh. #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    Katxyz promoted this comment marciax3 was starred marciax3 was unstarred
    Image of howinsidious howinsidious
    11/17/09

    @BytheSea: I don't speak for all men, but I personally found this to be the most intentionally ignorant and hateful comment I've read in a good long while. Do you have a filter between brain and mouth? #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    redqueenmeg promoted this comment howinsidious was starred howinsidious was unstarred
    Image of redqueenmeg redqueenmeg
    11/17/09

    @howinsidious: Seriously.

    #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    redqueenmeg was starred redqueenmeg was unstarred
    Image of dayglo dayglo
    11/17/09

    @BytheSea: O, my! I hope you give your nephew a chance! You might have to shift your perspective a bit but I assure you that boys can be delightful! #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    dayglo was starred dayglo was unstarred
    Image of BytheSea BytheSea
    11/17/09

    @dayglo: @dayglo: Sure I'll give him a chance, i've already bought out Toys R us and I'm crocheting him a most manly blanket and did you know you can get any decent classic children's book in an indestructable board book edition? Just sayin.I really wanted to buy my neice Construx and a microscope kit and all the "boy's toys" I wasn't allowed to have.

    #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    BytheSea was starred BytheSea was unstarred
    Image of redqueenmeg redqueenmeg
    11/16/09

    In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
    I thought I might be disappointed to find out my second (currently in utero) was a boy just like my first, but I wasn't. I'm good with it. The only problem is we had a name for a girl (leftover from first child) and we still haven't figured it out for a boy. Though Boy 1 has suggested Popcorn or Eagle. #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    redqueenmeg was starred redqueenmeg was unstarred
    Image of goToAndSay goToAndSay
    11/16/09

    @redqueenmeg: Throw away your leftover girl name.

    Trust me, as a daughter who got stuck with the leftover name, I still slightly resent the fact that my parents were too lazy (or possibly to attached to the 1st one) to come up with another name. My mom was so set on having a girl, she never thought to think of any boys names for my older brother- and it showed. #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    redqueenmeg promoted this comment goToAndSay was starred goToAndSay was unstarred
    Image of Chrysocolla Chrysocolla
    11/17/09

    @redqueenmeg: I had some great suggestions for my parents. Namely, if it was a girl, name her Pocahontas, and if it was a boy, name him John Smith. I don't know why they named him Zachary, my suggestions were WAY better. #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    redqueenmeg promoted this comment Chrysocolla was starred Chrysocolla was unstarred
    Image of tireddivertoes tireddivertoes
    11/17/09

    @redqueenmeg: My 3 y. old girl is very excited about the upcoming baby brother. I'm still coming to terms with it - not used to boys, don;t know what to do with them... had so many beautiful girl names in mind, no boy names. My daughter has already named him - "Miriam"... #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    redqueenmeg promoted this comment tireddivertoes was starred tireddivertoes was unstarred
    Image of redqueenmeg redqueenmeg
    11/17/09

    @goToAndSay: We might--but it's a family name we're kind of attached to. Still, ever since I was little, I've always felt I'd have all boys, so it's probably moot.

    #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    redqueenmeg was starred redqueenmeg was unstarred
    Image of redqueenmeg redqueenmeg
    11/17/09

    @Chrysocolla: Those are awesome. My son's suggestion for a girl was Princess Leia.

    #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    redqueenmeg was starred redqueenmeg was unstarred
    Image of redqueenmeg redqueenmeg
    11/17/09

    @tireddivertoes: Aww.

    #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    redqueenmeg was starred redqueenmeg was unstarred
    Image of JerseyGrrrl JerseyGrrrl
    11/16/09

    In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys

    NO. One of the main reasons I don't want to have a child is fear of having a boy. I'm not even kidding. It lets me know I'm not unselfish enough for motherhood. I will stick with cats, which I can select and thereby maintain my majority female household. #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    JerseyGrrrl was starred JerseyGrrrl was unstarred
    Image of Blueberry26 Blueberry26
    11/16/09

    @JerseyGrrrl: Ha. I'm afraid of having a boy because I grew up in an all female household. My dad was generally absent and we had one male feline, one male dog. I still prefer female animals. At the same time I want a boy so I can make sure to raise him to be a decent human being and such. #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    JerseyGrrrl promoted this comment Blueberry26 was starred Blueberry26 was unstarred
    Image of JerseyGrrrl JerseyGrrrl
    11/16/09

    @Blueberry26: It's true. It would be really rewarding to feel like you churned out a man who liked women and saw them as equals. But how it would break my heart to birth the next Charles Manson, you know? #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    JerseyGrrrl was starred JerseyGrrrl was unstarred
    Image of pesematology pesematology
    11/16/09

    In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
    Why can't you scrapbook about boys? #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    pesematology was starred pesematology was unstarred
    Image of redqueenmeg redqueenmeg
    11/16/09

    @pesematology: I think the implication, just as silly, is that you can but the boys won't want to help you with it. #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    redqueenmeg was starred redqueenmeg was unstarred
    Image of MargaretMoony MargaretMoony
    11/16/09

    In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
    Wait, when has scrap-booking become a gendered activity? #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    MargaretMoony was starred MargaretMoony was unstarred
    Image of deeemer deeemer
    11/16/09

    In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
    So. . . no one is ever allowed to have an emotion that they're working through? I know many women who have had C-sections, and wanted vaginal births. Is their disappointment warranted? No, of course not. What matters is that everyone is healthy. Still, you can't discount that sometimes people have feelings of disappointment that don't line up with what you want them to be feeling.

    These books are to help people overcome disappointment - not to encourage active hatred of a particular gender. And that's a good thing. #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    deeemer was starred deeemer was unstarred
    Image of jebash jebash
    11/16/09

    @deeemer: Disappointment is one thing; not being able to buy gifts for girls 5 years after the fact without crying is quite another. #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    deeemer promoted this comment jebash was starred jebash was unstarred
    Image of deeemer deeemer
    11/16/09

    @jebash: Well, according to the article, it's not quite that serious. But as a mom of three boys, I admit to having sad twinges now and then about not having a boy. I'm the oldest daughter of an oldest daughter of an oldest daughter, and all three of us have a really lovely bond. You can argue that you can have that kind of bond with a son, but you really can't. Haven't you heard of the term "momma's boy"? It's quite derogatory.

    And if you read the article, "And the moms quoted in the piece are sure to affirm that they love their sons, ". No one is actively hating their boy children. Disappointment happens. #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    deeemer was starred deeemer was unstarred
    Image of deeemer deeemer
    11/16/09

    @deeemer: I mean "not having a girl". The edit button isn't working. #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    deeemer was starred deeemer was unstarred
    Image of jebash jebash
    11/16/09

    @deeemer: Thanks for the clarification! As someone without kids, I fully admit that I don't understand the issue. Maybe because I don't have a strong gender preference? #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    jebash was starred jebash was unstarred
    Image of dj_chick dj_chick
    11/16/09

    @deeemer: I have 3 older brothers. Even though the ultrasound tech declared that I was a girl, my mom refused to believe it until after I was born. She wanted a girl so badly and was convinced that there was a mistake and she was doomed to having all boys. Believe me, this put just a wee bit of pressure on the only girl in the family to live up to all of the expected girlyness. :-/ #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    deeemer promoted this comment dj_chick was starred dj_chick was unstarred
    Image of deeemer deeemer
    11/16/09

    @dj_chick: I'm sorry. My husband teases me all the time that if we ever would have a girl, it's likely that she won't live up to the "mother-daughter bond" I imagine for us. He describes a frightening scenario in which we have a girl that loves goth, hates me, and slams the door on me every chance she gets. It's quite funny, actually. #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    deeemer was starred deeemer was unstarred
    Image of dj_chick dj_chick
    11/16/09

    @deeemer: I turned out to be the black sheep of the family, so obviously I'm not entirely what my mom had in mind, although we have a pretty good relationship. I can only imagine what sort of karmic retribution is in store for me ... #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    dj_chick was starred dj_chick was unstarred
    Image of BytheSea BytheSea
    11/16/09

    @deeemer: loves goth, hates me, and slams the door on me every chance she gets

    IIRC, those are the hallmarks of the mother/daughter bond. #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    BytheSea was starred BytheSea was unstarred
    Image of Elaken Elaken
    11/16/09

    In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
    My mom always wanted a boy and ended up with three girls and my dad certainly wasn't gonna keep trying. Whenever there are little kids around she clearly prefers the boys - not sure if that is why she always wanted a boy or if her lack of male children makes her like the boys better. But I have to say, I never felt that she was disappointed I (or my sisters) wasn't a boy. #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    Elaken was starred Elaken was unstarred
    Image of Diziet_Sma Diziet_Sma
    11/16/09

    In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
    Yeah, and it's women who choose not to have children who are the selfish ones. Riiiiight. #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    Diziet_Sma was starred Diziet_Sma was unstarred
    Image of Trulymadlyme Trulymadlyme
    11/16/09

    In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
    What is the most interesting thing about this reaction is the implicit conclusion that it is simply unheard of little boys enjoying the types of things "girly girl" kids would enjoy and that would be completely foreclosed by simply having a son.

    Implicit in this is the understanding that people seem to take having girls is somewhat better because they have the choice to raise a girly girl barbie kid or the sporty Kristy from the Babysitter's club type of girl. There's flexibility.

    I guess mothers don't dream of their little boy becoming the next Miss J. Alexander. That's sad.
     Reply
    Edited by Trulymadlyme at 11/16/09 5:37 PM Trulymadlyme was starred Trulymadlyme was unstarred
    Image of the_poptart the_poptart
    11/16/09

    @Trulymadlyme: I mean I have no children so this is irrelevant, but I dream of having a little boy who'll become the next Miss J. Alexander. I absolutely fucking do.

    But I'm as disheartened as you to see that these mothers are not.
     Reply
    Trulymadlyme promoted this comment Edited by the_poptart at 11/16/09 5:32 PM the_poptart was starred the_poptart was unstarred
    Image of Anne Anne
    11/16/09

    @Trulymadlyme: Imagine what a hassle it would be, though, when your six-year-old miniature Miss J insisted that all he wanted for his birthday was a series of bowties and puffy sleeves in increasing sizes.

    That said, I am so not a fan of asserting gender roles on young children. Someday far in the future, I want to have kind, sensitive, and happy children- you can get that from either gender, and a child's sex really doesn't determine that much about what they can and cannot do. #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    Trulymadlyme promoted this comment Anne was starred Anne was unstarred
    Image of Elizabooth Elizabooth
    11/16/09

    @the_poptart: It's true -- when I found out I was having a boy, my husband and I both admitted that we hoped he'd be gay because then we'd have an easier time dealing with him (stereotype, I know). Then I realized that the only thing more terrifying than having my daughter date horny teenage boys would be for my horny teenage son to be dating horny teenage boys. Ack! #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    Trulymadlyme promoted this comment Elizabooth was starred Elizabooth was unstarred
    Image of TastyBites TastyBites
    11/16/09

    @Trulymadlyme: It would be fucking amazing to have my (not yet in existence) little boy be the next Miss J. Or even the first openly gay Heisman winner. If and when I do have kids, I just want them to be happy (you know, in a way that doesn't hurt others or anything.)

    And though I must admit that if I do have children, I want a mix of boys and girls, I figure if there are four girls or four boys, either way, they'll have divergent enough personalities to make things interesting. People are people are people are people, and I will love them regardless. #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    Trulymadlyme promoted this comment TastyBites was starred TastyBites was unstarred
    Image of girlleastlikelyto girlleastlikelyto
    11/16/09

    @Trulymadlyme: I do. Oh, gosh, I would love to have a boy like that.

    So many gay kids have unsupportive or downright bigoted parents, and I always think, wouldn't it be great if our kid got to have supportive, progressive parents? #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    Trulymadlyme promoted this comment girlleastlikelyto was starred girlleastlikelyto was unstarred
    Image of TheFormerJuneBronson TheFormerJuneBronson
    11/16/09

    In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
    If you're smart, yes, it does turn into having a boy. I freely admit that I was disappointed for about half an hour when I found out I was having a boy instead of a girl. I had no idea what I'd do with a boy. It was much easier to picture the childhood experience of a girl. I had two sisters and a brother; my brother's boy-ness in play activities was pretty quickly either subsumed or co-opted by the three of us.

    But I soon realized, before I had my son, that I was getting a boy, there was no way around it, and that it would be a waste of time--and mess up my kid--if I were disappointed. It was really just that simple. I don't know how I'll feel if I never have any girls, but I suspect it won't bother me as much as I thought it would before I had any kids. Right now, I'd give my eyeteeth to have a healthy baby of either gender.

    You know what's really unbearable, though, is the crowing some women indulge in when they perceive that they have the gender you wanted. I know at least one smug woman with a daughter, and if she were in reach right now, I'd smack her twice. #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    TheFormerJuneBronson was starred TheFormerJuneBronson was unstarred
    Image of deeemer deeemer
    11/16/09

    @TheFormerJuneBronson: You're too funny. We should hang out! I had a very similar experience. Have, that is. #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    deeemer was starred deeemer was unstarred
    Image of PandaGrrl PandaGrrl
    11/16/09

    In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
    I have an amazing little boy. I am not disappointed in having had my son. But I spent my entire life dedicated to being a woman and what that means. Women's college, establishment in typical male activities so I could some how shake the establishment (I rock at fantasy football!), entrance into male dominated career to somehow make it easier on the next generation... I think that when you have a same-sex child, it feels like you have a short cut to identifying with that child. I don't think it outweighs having a happy baby.

    But, that said, I could have had a girl who grew up to be like Sarah Palin. That would be a disappointment. #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    la.donna.pietra promoted this comment PandaGrrl was starred PandaGrrl was unstarred
    Image of linnyt is a walking cliché linnyt is a walking cliché
    11/16/09

    In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
    My aunt only ever wanted to have little girls. She was one of seven daughters and I guess she dreamed of something like that for her dream family. Of course she ended up with three boys. She was ready to keep pumping out kids until she got her girl but my uncle saved her from herself and got the snip-snip. She is one of those people who didn't find out the sex of the baby until it was born. I agree that finding out beforehand would help ease parents into changed plans. #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    linnyt is a walking cliché was starred linnyt is a walking cliché was unstarred
    Image of badmutha badmutha
    11/16/09

    In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
    I love all the little muthas so much, the male, the female, they just make me so happy. These women are stupid. They should get pets instead of have children, then they will have total control. #genderdisappointment
     Reply
    badmutha was starred badmutha was unstarred
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