[Alexandria, VA. June 20. Image via AP.]

The crowd waves and gives thumbs up as the motorcade with President Barack Obama, daughters Sasha Obama, 8, and Malia Obama, 10, leave The Dairy Godmother in the Del Ray area of Alexandria, Va., Saturday, June 20, 2009.(AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Geoff Williams feels slighted because he got his wife a tree for Mother's Day one year, but all she got him was some boxer shorts. He writes that, "for many people, Father's Day is an afterthought, a holiday just a few steps above the one that celebrates the groundhog and that other one that promotes trees." He acknowledges that most moms still have a harder job than dads, and that he was terrified when his wife had surgery and, for one weekend, he had to bathe and feed his daughters instead of doing "only the fun stuff." But he says,

I think we dads merit at least a little more than boxer shorts, soap-on-a-rope, and neckties. We don't get the good stuff because we're paying for the sins of our fathers, and our fathers' fathers. But these days, dads are changing diapers, warming bottles, and taking our kids to the park. We may not be where you want us yet, but we've evolved, and we're involved.

Many dads are evolved and involved, but it is even true that they're not getting the good stuff? In my house, Father's Day was always as important as Mother's Day, and I'm already getting panic attacks about what will happen if I forget to call my dad on Sunday. And Father's Day certainly seems to inspire plenty of department store promotions and news stories — like, uh, Williams's.

Still, Williams isn't the only one complaining — he's not even the only Williams. Blogger and radio host Armstrong Williams says, "Aside from the typical gift selection of a new tie, putter, or power tools, no serious consideration is given to this holiday." But his complaint is more far-reaching than Geoff Williams's — he thinks there is a lack of serious consideration for the rights of fathers in general. His beef: men aren't allowed to prevent their partners from having abortions. He tells the story of John Stachokus, who filed an injunction to keep his girlfriend from aborting their child. When a court rejected the injunction, Williams writes that it "regarded him as little more than a soulless contributor of DNA." Williams also says,

in the continued fight for equality, various feminist groups have refused to acknowledge the basic human rights of the co-equal contributors to pregnancy: the unborn child and the father. Plainly, that is a bad thing.

It's true that fathers are co-equal contributors to pregnancy, but they are not — no matter how many fake breasts they strap on — co-equal participants in pregnancy. The reason men don't get to decide whether women carry their fetuses to term isn't because they're "soulless contributors of DNA" — it's because they are not the ones carrying the fetus. As much as it sucks for John Stachokus, he has the privilege and limitation of not being able to bear a child. If he wants to have a kid, someone else has to carry it for him. It's not fair, but neither is the fact that women have to bear all the risks of pregnancy and the pain of childbirth. Do we want to live in a society where a man can force a woman to undertake these risks? What if tragedy struck and Stachokus's girlfriend died in childbirth?

There's a reason we don't force people to donate their organs, even though the need is great — people have to be in charge of their own bodies, and to have the power to decide what risks they're willing to take with them. It's unfair that these kind of decisions also affect other people, but there are lots of unfair things about being a human — and, historically, women have experienced this unfairness far more than men.

Dad feels cheated on Father's Day booty [CNN]
A Critical Role for Fathers [FJM Blog, via The Root]

Obama, who will also devote much of his day today to kicking off a White House initiative to promote fatherhood, says that growing up without his own father made him more committed to being a good dad himself. He writes,

In many ways, I came to understand the importance of fatherhood through its absence-both in my life and in the lives of others. I came to understand that the hole a man leaves when he abandons his responsibility to his children is one that no government can fill. We can do everything possible to provide good jobs and good schools and safe streets for our kids, but it will never be enough to fully make up the difference.

The excerpt concludes with a sweet anecdote about driving Malia home from the hospital when she was a newborn. Obama says, "I think about the pledge I made to her that day: that I would give her what I never had-that if I could be anything in life, I would be a good father." It's inspiring that we have a President who thinks of fatherhood as one of his most important jobs. But what does it mean to, as he says, "be a good father?"

In Time, Nancy Gibbs argues that a good dad is a laidback one — and that moms could learn something from dads. She writes,

when did you last read about the Daddy Wars? Men compete against one another in every arena except this one, maybe out of indifference, but more often out of humility. Most fathers I know make fun of themselves, and of the mystery of it all, as though content that being a parent is a skill you practice but never master. There is much doubt, but less guilt.

Gibbs also praises her husband's ability "to slide, with joy and mischief, into our children's world rather than drag them prematurely into ours," and suggests that women should learn to do the same. If it's true, as Gibbs implies, that men are less likely to define themselves through their children, and thus take a more relaxed, less "self-flagellating" approach to parenting, then maybe the current generation of moms, with their "Momoirs" and bad-mommy confessions, should try to be more like dads. However, fathers' perceived playfulness may result more from their rapidly changing roles than from any innate calm in the male nature. Jeremy Adam Smith, author of The Daddy Shift, says fathers are, "doing the dishes and taking care of the kids, but it doesn't match with that traditional male image, so they laugh about it. They giggle. They make jokes."

The best evidence that we are in a strange liminal period for fathers comes from writer/dads like Michael Lewis or Nick Duerden, author of The Reluctant Fathers' Club. Duerden tells the Times of London that for women, parenting is "much more instinctive." He adds,

I had to learn to love my child because my child was a stranger to me. I didn't feel that instant bond. I looked at the child and felt utter confusion and I was very much following my wife's lead. So I did feel the secondary caregiver while she was the primary one.

It seems like a convenient excuse for men to say that only women are hardwired with parenting instinct, while dads have to fumble around until they stumble on some love. It's especially convenient since we can't even begin testing whether this hypothesis is true until we sort out the cultural expectations of moms and dads. Women are still disproportionally expected to care for kids, and disproportionately blamed when things go wrong — until these proportions are equalized, we really won't know much about what comes "naturally" to moms and dads. Michael Kimmel, an author on "men and masculinity," believes this day of equalization will come soon. He writes,

Thirty years from now I think our children are going to be the kind of fathers that we are prescribing today. Our sons will grow up assuming that their wives are going to work, that they are going to be as equally committed to their careers as they are, that they are going to have families where they are equal partners.

We hope that's true, and that Barack Obama's efforts will mean that Sasha and Malia, if they so choose, can raise children in truly equal partnership with men.

'We Need Fathers To Step Up' [Parade]
Dads Are Dudes [Time]
The evolution of fatherhood [TimesOnline]
Obama to Promote Fatherhood on Friday [Time]
Fathers becoming more involved, playful [UPI]
Obama making responsible dads a priority [MSNBC]

Eariler: Lisa Simpson: Feminist Hero
The First Unicorn
What's The Deal With The Relationship Between Girls And Unicorns?

It seemed like the mothers and fathers featured in the article kept serious tallies of their chores and work and daily functions. While this certainly prevented bitterness from spouses (usually the wives) who felt they were doing the lion's share of the work, it seems like it could inspire an entirely new kind of discontent based on a life bereft of flexibility. Ironic, especially since the couples all negotiated their job situations in order to make their home time absolutely equal. Of course, it is a noble thing these couples are doing, and every marriage and childhood situation is one based on a series of discussions and compromises.

It doesn't help that American society makes it more difficult for men to stay at home, as Michelle Goodman points out in ABC News. Paternity leave, if granted at all, is typically one week. For a woman who had a C-section, "which meant she needed help doing everything from lifting the baby to her breast, to finding the time to brush her own teeth," a week is paltry indeed.

Belkin has a separate article about men who stay at home in today's Times, but this piece focuses on men who opt out while their wives continue working. According to Belkin, men often have a tougher time going back to work, as employers are even less sympathetic to holes in their resumes. What most women, and men, don't realize, says Belkin, is that you are most powerful when you are willing to leave. "But women were simply leaving rather than using their leverage to ask for the moon — a sharply decreased workload or increased salary or guarantee of a job upon return — on the chance they might get it. In recent years, women have negotiated more, a trend not lost on men." That seems to be the takeaway from all of these pieces: while your workplace might seem unfriendly to your procreation needs, there is often room for haggling, if you're just willing to put it out there.

When Mom And Dad Share It All [NYT]
Why Dad’s Résumé Lists ‘Car Pool’ [NYT]
Paternity Leave: When A Week Isn't Enough [ABC News]