Those of us who are — or used to be — fans feel like we are being tortured as producers drag this shit out as long as possible. All of this happened so long ago, the fashion show pictures went up online in February, and it feels like this whole thing has taken FOREVER. Since there were three finalists instead of four, you could have condensed the finale into ONE show, but no, they are forcing us (ME) to watch two sloooow-ass episodes of this crap. Gah.

Rant over.

So, Tim Gunn went to visit each designer as she worked on her collection. Carol Hannah — living on Long Island — was first; she'd been inspired by the architecture of Duke University. Tim's "Can I be blunt?" was much-needed.

Tim saying, "I love a kitchen" made me realize that the reason I'm obsessed with him is because Snagglepuss was my favorite cartoon when I was a kid. Alright already. Heavens to Mergatroid. Exit. Stage left.

Tim Gunn in an apron!

Tim visited Irina in Manhattan next, and her floofy, snippy dog Princess basically snubbed him. How dare you snub Tim Gunn?!?! Something is not right in this house.

When I saw this, even though I was watching TV by myself, I said out loud: "Are you kidding me? Project Runway is NOT ABOUT screenprinted T-shirts!" I wrote in the notes I was keeping: "WTF."

Do you think the fact that her parents gave their little princess "free reign" is maybe why Irina is so bitchy? Or do you think it's because her mother tells her she "has" to win it and she has "no choice."

Tim visited Althea in Ohio next, and we learned a lesson: People in sci-fi movies wear handknit sweaters.

Also, when Tim critiqued Althea's Edwardian wild west coat, Althea couldn't stop saying, "Yeah. Yeah." Even as Tim was saying, "This can't walk down that Bryant Park runway."

The only mildly dramatic moment was when Irina was informed that she could not use the Coney Island images since she did not create them. Duh. Also: Go away.

My favorite part about Nina and Michael visiting the designers was Carol Hannah saying, "I did not expect them to be here." Of course not! They have been missing all season. They don't even really recognize you guys.

My second favorite part about the Nina/MK visit was Irina initially saying, "Advice is always great." And then later, deciding to ignore Nina's extremely specific advice just for Irina.

The "surprise" was a surprise to absolutely NO ONE. Of course the designers had to make another look — it happens every season.

It was also not a surprise to see these kids, because former contestants always return. It was a surprise that Althea picked Logan, stealing sick-to-her-stomach Carol Hannah's man right from under her nose.

So even though Lifetime is, for some reason, making us wait another week to see the runway shows, the pictures have been up on line for months. if you're interested, you can see all the final collections here. Otherwise? See you next week for more of this bullshit, and we can finally say goodbye to the worst season ever.

Project Runway 6.13 Finale Pt. I + Final Collections [ONTD]

This is how short hemlines are these days. Crotch-length, perfect for Team No Pants. It's a pretty skirt, even if the proportions in this ensemble are completely wonky.

"It's a dress!"
"Says who?"
"Calvin Klein Free People!"

There are eight things I don't understand about this sweater, none of which include the price of $128. The boots remind me of the Barbara Mandrell show. Whether that's good or bad, I can't decide.

"Rich hippie" is so weird. Honestly, if you are six years old, or if you are impoverished, it's okay to dress like this. But if you are not, you should not.

When you have a favorite pair of jeans that fit and feel perfect, and they start to disintegrate, it makes perfect sense to try and patch 'em up and keep 'em going as long as you can. And attempting to recreate that experience — of loved, lived-in denim — is understandable. But these "imported" pre-patched and faded "boyfriend" jeans at $128 remind me of a line in The Sweet Smell Of Success: "That's fish four days old. I'm not buying it!"

Your grandma (or someone else's) will be happy to make this for you. Do you really need FP's $128 version?

Just imagine showing up to the office party in this getup. Like yeah, 'sup bitches, vacay in Prague was great, it's just all my favorite spots are blowing up, so I'm off to Gdansk next, anyone got any weed?

(Oh, and by the by: Those shorts are $78.)

Tinkerbell's Goth cousin looks a little strung out. Believe it or not, this is called a "Shimmers Onesie," and it's $248.

Every now and then, FP tricks me into thinking I like its stuff. Sometimes it's the jewelry (I have a crush on this ring, but the price is obnoxious). Sometimes it's soft, pretty stuff like this…

…But then I turn the page and see fug head to toe. And I know this place is not for me.

I have a theory. Only skinny white people can dress like this. If you are thick or black or brown, you will look like a homeless vagrant. It's just a theory.

Apologies. Your hostess would like to excuse herself, as she has crapped her pants.

Earlier: Lilly's Kids: What's Christmas Without Reinforcing Gender Stereotypes?
Silver Belles & Butt Floss: Christmas At Frederick's Of Hollywood
Preclears On Your List? Shop The Scientology Holiday Catalog
Mackenzie: Hot, Steamy, Scrumptious Food Porn
Translating The J. Peterman Catalog (Again)

Free People: Winning Us Over With Cute, Cuddly Critters
Free People's Tops Can Be Worn Many Ways, Several Of Them Stoopid
At Free People, Spring Has Sprung, And It's Hideous
Free People: More Overpriced Thrift Store Crap Masquerading As Vintage Chic
'Free People', August 2007: Luxuriating Lolitas and $400 Shoes
Free People: Hideous Iron-Curtain Nostalgia Will Set You Back A Few Rubles
Free People: Someone Watched The Darjeeling Limited Before Booking This Photo Shoot

Related: All previous catalog posts

• And now, the cold, hard, retail reality sets in: Neiman Marcus and Net-A-Porter are dropping Ungaro for Spring. Barneys and Saks also aren't ordering. Lindsay Lohan and Mounir Moufarrige, what have you wrought! [Style.com]

• Ashley Tisdale does not yearn for a clothing line. "I've started a production company; I guess that's kind of my clothing line," says the actress. [WWD]
• The incredible Alexander McQueen shoes — both the bulbous hoof ones, and the ones that look like some piece of anthropomorphic weaponry out of eXistenZ, which Lady Gaga wore in the video for "Bad Romance" — are apparently a hit. The designer says he's been inundated with calls from women wanting to buy the so-called "Alien" shoes, albeit some who are interested in them as art pieces. The process by which the shoes are made is protected by copyright, says a spokesperson for the brand. No word on whether a commercial version will be produced for wide sale; McQueen is mulling a charity auction for the runway samples. [Grazia]
• Carlos Falchi's line of handbags for Target is in stores now through December 27th. The designer says, if he didn't have his current job, "I'd like to be a Brazilian cowboy." [TFI]
• Victoria Beckham's people are denying the rumors she is planning, with Simon Fuller, to open a modeling agency — perhaps a U.S. branch of Storm, in which Fuller holds a controlling stake — in New York. "There is absolutely no truth in the story regarding Victoria Beckham and Simon Fuller opening a modeling agency in New York," says her spokesman. "Victoria is concentrating all her efforts on her fashion line and her family." [Vogue UK]
• Daniel Lalonde, president of Louis Vuitton, basically confirmed Lara Stone will be the face of the spring campaign. [The Cut]
• Betsey Johnson is redesigning her stores. Gone will be the hot-pink walls, replaced with white walls and checkerboard floors, to better display the clothes. [Racked]
• Dooney & Bourke co-founder Frederic Bourke has been sentenced to 366 days in prison and a $1 million fine for his role in a failed scheme to bribe Azeri officials into privatizing Azerbaijan's oil company, which would have essentially deprived the country of profits from its greatest national resource. Bourke is appealing. [WWD]
• Model Karmen Pedaru spent a year as goalie on an Estonian national soccer team. [W]
• Funny, the only item this list of How To Look Like Gisele Bundchen is missing is: being born to look like Gisele Bundchen. (OK, so Nars Orgasm is bog standard by now, but $475 moisturizer? Come on.) [Blackbook]
• The BHV — pretty much the most awesome department store in Paris — is getting Beth Ditto and Jean-Charles de Castelbajac to do its holiday windows. Meanwhile, stately old Printemps has Natalia Vodianova. [WWD]
• The British Fashion Council will give an award to the winner of a public vote on who best "embodies the spirit of London." Nominees include Alexa Chung, Kate Moss, and Vivienne Westwood. [BFC]
• Jeffrey Monteiro might be taking over as head designer at Bill Blass. [WWD]
• Liz Lange is launching a lifestyle shopping site, apparently kind of like Gilt crossed with Daily Candy. [Crains]
• People are trying to save Luella on the Internet. [Fashionista]
• The Gossip Girl timeline is apparently now forever divided by the caesura of the Threesome; say Before The Threesome or After The Threesome, and everyone immediately knows what you mean. The boys on the show have been wearing a lot of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen's line, Elizabeth & James, People notes. [People]
• Jason Wu is doing a capsule collection for Tse this spring. [WWD]
• Anthropologie is the most profitable of the three Urban Outfitters brands, quarterly results reveal. [TS]
• Marie Osmond is licensing her name to a fashion and home decor line. Every last piece in the Marie Lifestyle Collection will retail for under $100. Expect to see it in stores later this month. [UPI]
• Donna Karan's West Indies home is currently making us cry bitter tears of envy from our very black souls. [SB]

[Karachi, November 5. Image via Getty]

KARACHI, PAKISTAN - NOVEMBER 05: A Pakistani model wearing a creation by Pakistani designer Zarmina Khan pauses before walking out onto the catwalk during the 2nd day of Fashion Pakistan Week on November 5, 2009 in Karachi, Pakistan. Fashion Pakistan Week commenced today amidst security threats. The organisers already postponed the event twice due to security fears and the threat of ongoing militant violence. The four day long event will feature over 30 Pakistani designers and will showcase the best of fashion in Pakistan. (Photo by Daniel Berehulak/Getty Images)

Fred is really fashion-forward this season, with metallics and retro-looking bra and panty sets. (We're ignoring that lace monstrosity inset, mmkay?

So much silver! Pretty classy, considering.

The color here is called "Moonbeam." Heh. Moon. We haven't even gotten to the ass-centric part yet.

This would be a good outfit to wash dishes or pay bills in. I mean, it's going to lift your spirits! And your tits.

Has it ever occurred to you that "babydoll" is kind of a weird word to use when talking about lingerie? Empire waists and fluttery, ruffled chemises are fun, but let's leave Lolita, Baby Spice, Caroll Baker and other thoughts of sexualization of children out of it.

Am I turning into a prude? The more see-through it is, the less I like it.

Wait! I think I can get behind that flirty half-slip on the far right. Heh. Get behind.

If you're going to be riding in a one-horse open sleigh, you're going to need a bit more coverage. Especially with H, the teddy on the bottom left. A person could get frostbite in places you really don't want frostbite.

Mean Girls flashbacks, anyone? I enjoyed KG and the Power of 3.

Dear Santa,
If someone brings me a maribou-nipple thingie with "Jingle Bell Crotchless Boy Shorts," I will be sad…

…And I don't want a bow on my business, either.
Love,
Me.

Re: That woman on the far left. You'd be laughing, too, if you had a Fraggle in your cleavage.

This panty supposedly has a "low back." But isn't it so much more than that? Seems like you could go to the doctor's office and get a Malaria shot without even taking your undies off.

Here we go: Butt bows, butt laces, butt butterflies.

And! Special for 2009! Limited Edition! Rhinestones! In your butt!

No, really: Right up in there. Ouch.

Still, I can't hate on this catalog, because they carry plus sizes, some of the bras are quite lovely, and the retro -ish stuff is actually pretty! And some bras come in sizes up to 42F.

Just stay away from the cheeky crack charms. You'd better watch out. You'd better not try.

Earlier: Frederick's Of Hollywood's Marketing Techniques Haven't Changed Much In 45 Years
Frederick's Of Hollywood Has A Heart-On For Valentine's Day
Frederick's Of Hollywood: Not As Slutty As You Might Think! (But Still Pretty Slutty)

Click here for all previous catalog posts.

[Beijing, November 5. Image via Getty]

BEIJING - NOVEMBER 05: Model walks on the runway during the MGPIN MAO Geping Cosmetics & Style Design Release at 2010 China Fashion Week S/S Collection on November 5, 2009 in Beijing, China. (Photo by Feng Li/Getty Images)

[Karachi, November 4. Image via Getty]

KARACHI, PAKISTAN - NOVEMBER 04: Pakistani models prepare backstage during the 1st day of Fashion Pakistan Week on November 4, 2009 in Karachi, Pakistan. Fashion Pakistan Week commenced today amidst security threats. The organisers already postponed the event twice due to security fears and the threat of ongoing militant violence. The four day long event will feature over 30 Pakistani designers and will showcase the best of fashion in Pakistan. (Photo by Daniel Berehulak/Getty Images)

Ditto, who explains that she was "really butch" in high school, says she "loves to break all the rules," in terms of fashion. That's why she wears horizontal stripes, floral patterns and clown-ish ensembles. But while it's interesting to see her gush about seeing designers as "artists," the best thing about this video is the idea that a non-thin person has been given such a platform — allowed to voice her thoughts about fashion on a Condé Nast website.

With buzz about plus-size models and Precious star Gabourey Sidibe rocking fantastic ensembles on the red carpet, it seems that we may finally be getting some positive coverage of larger women — and maybe the idea that fashionable = thin is beginning to break down.

Style Studio: Beth Ditto [Style.com]

[Beijing, November 2. Image via Getty]

BEIJING - NOVEMBER 02: Model walks on the runway during Aimer National College Invitation Contest for Women's Wear Design 2009 at 2010 China Fashion Week S/S Collection on November 2, 2009 in Beijing, China. (Photo by Feng Li/Getty Images)

[Beijing, November 2. Image via Getty]

BEIJING - NOVEMBER 02: Model walks on the runway during Aimer National College Invitation Contest for Women's Wear Design 2009 at 2010 China Fashion Week S/S Collection on November 2, 2009 in Beijing, China. (Photo by Feng Li/Getty Images)

Women came from all over the world to participate in Miss International Queen for the 2009 crown. Haruna Ai, 37, was named the winner, and thus the world's "most beautiful transsexual." Ali works as a Japanese television host, but she says her gender is continually under question in Japan. "I am very, very, very happy," she said. "I want contests like this to show everyone that they should love each other and live freely. The way of life in Japan is more traditional and transsexuals cannot live freely, but in Thailand they can do what they want."

Most of the participants have similar stories of discrimination. Maggie Gao, a contestant from China, says she won the Miss World Shenzhen title earlier this year, but once pageant officials learned she was born a man, she was stripped of her crown. For many of the women, this is a rare opportunity to, in the words of Camilia Dzelma, "show the world that I am not a freak." U.S. contestant Sunny Dee-Lite says she "can only hope for [an event like this] in the United States."

Even though the overall tone of the Sydney Morning Herald article is uplifting, there is something that irks me about the idea that the best way to empowerment and equality is equal objectification. These women talk about defying discrimination and living freely, something we certainly should celebrate. And yet, it's difficult not to wonder why this. Every goal stated on the Miss International Queen website is worthy (from donating to the world AIDS foundation to promote awareness of human rights issues), but does it have to be done through this forum? Can a beauty pageant - which judges and ranks women based almost entirely on their physical appearance and conformity to certain standards of feminine beauty - ever be truly positive?

Transsexual Miss World Contest Aims To Boost Awareness [Sydney Morning Herald]
Miss International Queen [Official Site]

"I wanted to look at those pictures in 20 years' time and say, 'Wow, look – after three kids – I didn't look bad.'"

Mission accomplished.

It's sort of sad it's not really about her health, or living longer for her kids. But it's not surprising. Posh works out so she looks good on magazine covers; magazine editors wouldn't shoot her unless she looked good. Shoppers buying the magazines expect perfection; the circle is unbroken.

Even though we're always complaining about Photoshop, do stars event want to be more "real"? Seems like the goal is to look as good as the false, digitally altered version of yourself. (And never mind that the camera adds ten pounds, so you'd better be 10 pounds under what you want to look like.) But is it emotionally, spiritually, intellectually healthy to rely on a glossy periodical for your self-worth?

A commenter on the Daily Fail site writes:

Well, it's a good thing that she has sons and not daughters. What a disturbing message that would be to pass on to them. Hopefully her sons look towards their father should they have any insecurities with themselves.
She seems like a nice person in her interviews, goofy and sweet. It's sad that forcing her body to be so thin is how she thinks she has to be.

Yet someone else comments:

I look back at my mom, who always exercised, and am proud that she instilled that discipline in all 7 of her children. It was a different generation then, and so she didn't have the perfectly tone body we see on some women these days (plus, after 7 kids, how could she?). BUT, I certainly don't want my children looking back at me as their mum and remembering a lazy, out-of-shape sloth. How is that a good role model????? Aesthetics aside, it's UNHEALTHY...

Yes, this is the message, this is what we've learned, people: If you don't work out seven days a week, you're a sloth.

'I Don't Want To Rely On Airbrushing': Victoria Beckham On Why She Now Exercises Seven Days A Week [Harper's Bazaar via Daily Mail]

From its bizarre combination of resort-wear and guerrilla gardening (hoeing in Donna Karan wedges seems like a great way to twist an ankle) to its gushy coverage of "wwoofing" (working without pay on an organic farm), November Vogue does a great job of portraying environmentalism as a fun hobby for rich people with time on their hands. Perhaps most egregious is Sally Singer's piece on hiring consultants to help make her apartment in the Chelsea Hotel more environmentally friendly. She laments that it's hard for her to save energy because "I receive no water, gas, or electricity bills." And her cleaning lady "cannot understand why her beloved long-handled dust mop must make way for a cut-up organic T-shirt on a bamboo stick." But somehow, Singer pushes through. After all, she says, "at yoga class, they tell you that if you breathe correctly, your virtue will be contagious and the world will begin to change" — and surely, if you write about your virtue in Vogue, other rich people will make their cleaning ladies scrub the floors with T-shirts too. Be the change you want to see!

When the designers sit with their backs to the runway, you assume that there's going to be an OMG AMAZING SURPRISE! Instead it was: Yawn.

Some unseen minions dragged their old garments onto the catwalk. Big deal.
(The kids had $100 and one day to make an outfit to complement on of their "best" garments on the show so far.)

We found out that Logan is extremely bowlegged.

No, really: Watch him walk.

It was revealed that Gordana is a Bosnian Serb. How come it took this long to tell us that?!?!

We found out that Tim Gunn can be a little bitchy.

We found out that Carol Hannah has three stars on her hand.

We found out that Althea hates Logan for stealing her zipper collar idea.

We found out that Irina's dial is stuck on catty.

We found out that Althea thinks Logan is hot, but that's part of why she hates him: "He thinks because he's, like, cute he can do whatever the [bleep]."

We found out that people call Irina "Meana Irina."

An example of Irina's mean: "Are you insane? Or are you drunk? You're supposed to get inspiration from your own look. Not from mine."

Actually, a lot of people were being snotty; Althea called Carol Hannah a "one trick pony," and Logan said of Gordana: "My grandma has better taste than that."

I have to say, for an episode called "The Best Of The Best, all the clothes were MEH.

The judges liked Carol Hannah's flirty little dress. Kerry Washington especially loved the pockets.

Irina's Aspen nighttime look was okay, although Nina said the dress "looked cheap."

Althea won with her cozy sweater and paper-bag waist pants which probably only look good on models.

Guest judge Nick Verreos called Gordana's look "Office worker in Poland." Don't you mean Sarajevo?

Christopher's dress was called a "carnival float" and Heidi said "it looked like she took the bedspread with her." I think maybe what he needed was a hoop? Because the sketch is actually super cute.

The judges ripped Logan's look apart. Kerry Washington thought it was reptilian.

The worst part was when Heidi said, "I think this is one of our toughest decisions." Pardon? Our? Nick and Kerry just got there! Nina hasn't been around! These people haven't had to make decisions with you before! Nina looked like she wanted to laugh, since this season's judging is SUCH A JOKE. Kerry Washington's face was like, "Um, what she said." Nick just seemed scared.

Anyway: Logan was Auf'd.

Click here to read my goodbye letter to Logan.

[New Delhi, October 28. Image via Getty]

Indian actress Urmila Matondkar (C) presents a creation by Indian designer Jaya Rathore during the Wills India Fashion Week (WIFW) Spring Summer 2010 in New Delhi on October 28, 2009. The Wills India Fashion Week Spring Summer 2010 runs from October 24 to 28. AFP PHOTO/ Manpreet ROMANA (Photo credit should read MANPREET ROMANA/AFP/Getty Images)

[New Delhi, October 27. Image via Getty]

Models are made up backstage during the Wills India Fashion Week (WIFW) Spring Summer 2010 in New Delhi on October 27, 2009.The Wills India Fashion Week Spring Summer 2010 runs from October 24 to 28. AFP PHOTO/ MANAN VATSYAYANA (Photo credit should read MANAN VATSYAYANA/AFP/Getty Images)