Looking at a whole bunch of old Cover Lies is a great way to remind yourself that ladymags just recycle the same old weight-loss, man-snagging, and faux-self-improvement tropes again and again and again. In February Cosmo, for instance, we saw the Simple Way To Revolutionize Your Life. Yes, ladies, it's breathing. Millions of women have died because they ignored this basic tip.

Am I normal? Is he? You might not give a shit, but one important goal of ladymags is to make sure you and your genitals are conforming enough. So get out the measuring tape and appraise various aspects of your "down-there."

Of course, the Weight Loss Tip is also an essential part of the woman's magazine anatomy. These tips fall into two categories: Totally Insane, and So Basic That If It Worked Everyone Would Be Skinny. May Glamour offers the latter.

Like the Weight Loss Tip, the Sex Tip changes little from month to month. May Cosmo (May was an especially lie-alicious month) offered pull-out cards with tame sex fantasies — like going to a wedding in nice clothes — for those who can't even think up lame, cliched scenarios on their own.

Another tried-and-true ladymag trick is to promise scandal and deliver saccharine. May Vogue was full of models talking about how nice other models are — just like how every celebrity in Hollywood loves every other celebrity, every famous marriage is perfect, and every star stays thin by chasing after her kids.

It might seem like it's easy just to churn out monthly variations on tired themes, but the staff at magazines actually have it rough: they have to take all the free shit advertisers send to them and somehow shoehorn it into what passes for an editorial feature. A frequent solution is the "20, 30, 40" method — age categories that are, as June Marie Claire makes clear, pretty much random.

Dividing women into age categories isn't just a way to sell cosmetics — it's a way to promote clothes too. August Vogue did this by putting the ancient, decrepit Christy Turlington on its cover, then filling its interior with teenage and twentysomething models supposedly showing off looks for older women. Also a Vogue standby: the terrifying cosmetic procedure. Here it's "Inner Eyelid Laser Incineration."

Elle is often especially good at featuring clothes that look good on no one. As a bonus, the September issue also offered some eyeshadow "tips from hos."

Related to the Completely Unflattering Outfit is the Completely Absurd Photo Shoot — and Vogue really excels in this department. In October, highlights included several combinations of things that shouldn't be combined: tennis and breakfast in bed, boxing and evening gowns, horses and hats.

Of course, the secret weapon of all ladymags is that they're completely depressing. Whether they're telling you that your man will leave you because you're too successful, or doling out confusing, contradictory sartorial advice, if you read enough of them you will not want to eat, have sex, go to work, or even get dressed. All you will be able to do is lie in bed and read magazines. Which is exactly their plan.

[Ahmedabad, December 22. Image via Getty.]

An Indian model displays a creation by Indian designer Manish Malhotra during the Skoda Superb Wedding Collection in Ahmedabad on late December 22, 2009. SkodaAuto India has extended its partnership with the internationally renowned fashion designer, Manish Malhotra. AFP PHOTO/ Sam PANTHAKY (Photo credit should read SAM PANTHAKY/AFP/Getty Images)

Reader: piratabeata "This is me (piratabeata) and my best friend from high school circa 2003. My sister gave me those pleather pants from Hot Topic when I turned sixteen, and you better believe they were a staple of my early aughts wardrobe, along with the cat collar choker. I wore them so much they cracked. You also probably never saw me without pigtails for the better part of 2000-2004. I kind of wish this was a full length picture so you could see the ridiculous Spice Girl-esque platform shoes that I was rocking, too. I like how my best friend was trying so hard to look like a Catholic schoolgirl. We knew we were awesome."


Reader: cinematheques "Halloween, 2007. Halloween is always a good time to find something terrible (and in this case, classic as well) at a thrift store and build a costume around it. I just put flour and a stream of lipstick under my nose, coupled with some pretty gross fishnets with holes and VOILA ! I am an 80s coke queen. Also, I really, really, really don't condone fake eyelashes. Ouchies. I pretty much look the same, but back to my natural hair color."


Reader: maneki neko "Photo from the fall of 2003. The early 00s fashions could not have possibly been more ill-suited to my body, or anyone's, really. Remember how all the shirts were realllllllllly short, and all the pants were reallllllllllllly low cut? I sure do. For someone with a long torso like me, this was an unbelievably cruel fate, and I ended up looking pretty silly until tunics finally came into fashion. I remember thinking this top was really cute, probably because of the bell sleeves (remember those?), even though looking at this photo now you can see that I'm one sholder movement away from exposing my naval. And I'm pretty sure those are Mudd jeans, flared, naturally. I have absolutely no explanation for my hair, but I can't stop laughing."


Reader: Catie "This is a picture of my sister, Allie, and I from 2004. We are rocking the newsboy cap trend a la Britney. I am wearing a polo shirt and for some reason my sister has long fake orange nails. The pose was meant to be silly. I pretty much laugh every time I see this picture lol The title of it is particularly 00's…it's named after that segment called Sucker Free Sunday that aired on MTV2."


Reader: Raina "My friend and I (I'm on the right) at our Senior Prom... nice hair knots!!"


Reader: Raina "My mom would often snap photos of us on our way out the door on our way to school. This whole outfit kills me, and if you look really close, you can see tiny plastic butterfly clips in my hair!"


Reader: Kate "Me and my best friend at a high school semi-formal dance in 2002. I am the blonde... i.e. the one who thought it was appropriate to wear a faux-suede mini-skirt, matching hat, and hooker boots to a semi-formal. It's all so mortifying."


Reader: Avery "This picture, taken in '05, chronicles me in the height of my new york hipsterdom - I'm wearing pink neon zebra print tights, a neon blue top (that is sparkly?) and huge plastic earrings. The worst part about this is my "I'm hot shit" expression when I am so clearly not."


Reader: Adriana "Me in my college art studio, 2001. please note the janeane garofalo bangs, "ironic" backstreet boys shirt, metallic grey raver skirt and chunky black shoes with white stars on the toes. i think this entire outfit was from Hot Topic."


Reader: Bianca "I was my Law Student then-boyfriend's date for the Barrister's Ball in 2005, and BF's BFF's then-GF showed up wearing the exact same tacky 80's throwback dress as me. It was totally "US Magazine Who Wore It Best." I think I did (I'm the blonde), but I'm clearly biased here."


Reader: Lauren "This was taken in the spring of 2001, in my high school sophomore history class. The jean jacket and the (probably shoplifted) lip gloss and the eye glitter are classic (and you can't even see all the glitter, my eyelids are coated with chunky silver Pixie Dust) but my favorite part of this picture is obviously the nameplate Sagittarius necklace, which i bought from (where else?) Delia*s."


Reader: lenamonster "I'm pretty sure this was taken in 2003 (aka the end of my high school years - I was very fashion-y adventurous then). I'm wearing a bright yellow fake sports-style shirt (with see-through holes so you have to wear another shirt under it), tons of my cheap jelly/plastic bracelets, a necklace that I strung myself, big yellow sunglasses, and a plaid beret."


Reader: JadeJag There was no description with this photo, but I think it sums up many of the trends of the era , don't you?


Reader: A Jolly " Hi there. I'm mostly just a lurker on Jezebel, but I thought I'd send in a submission anyway. On this day in 2001, the gods frowned upon me. A trucker hat that sais "SICK" on it, knee-high socks, "candy" bracelet, bleach blonde and pink pigtails, awkwardly fitting mans shorts...Disaster. I was dj-ing at a party in a park, where I got really drunk and did a lot of beatwrecking. An embarassing day all around. :( Enjoy."


Reader: Michaela "The first group picture was taken in 2002, at a 15th birthday party (held at an all-you-can-eat buffet). Stripey turtle-necks, jean jackets and converse sneakers were pretty hot in my group."


Reader: Michaela "The 2nd is from 2007...and yes, it was my MySpace profile pic for a long time. Emo-chic 4 lyfe, yo."


Reader: Jess "I'm pretty sure almost every teenage girl had a photo like this in the early 2000s. This photo was taken some time between 2002 and 2003. I really wanted to be "punk" in those days, so I saved up and bought myself a "Squire" electric and taught myself one song. I soon realized I looked absolutely stupid and didn't like electric guitar. Come to think of it, I was also obsessed with really ill-fitting fleece sweaters in those days. Wish I had a photo of that! Oh, I totally forgot to mention that my concept of "punk" at the time was (clearly) drawn entirely from Avril Lavigne. Everyone pretended they didn't want to be her and secretly spent every night listening to "complicated" on repeat. [Ed. This is totally true, you guys.]


Reader: Sarah "Year Taken: 2000 Description: My friend Jeanette (left) and me rocking one of the trends: the Asian character tee. We both wore the same type of shirt completely coincidentally; this shows how pervasive this particular trend was. I should point out that another friend's Chinese parents were pretty amused by all these shirts. Do we know what the hell they say? No. But it 'looks cool.'"


Reader: Gweedle "This was when I was 16 I believe, so around 2002-2003. My neon blue Le Tigre shirt, furry leopard print skirt, vintage pink jacket, paisley knee high stockings with maryjanes - one of many outfits where I tried to mesh a million styles together and failed miserably but thought I looked really cool."


Reader: Penny_Esq "Okay, so this was my 19th birthday, August 2000. This photo features chunky shoes, some kind of Eastern-religion-themed tee shirt, fake Chloe aviators, and an "edgy" twisty updo. As a bonus, my friend on the left is wearing a pink velour leopard print tank top and a feather boa. Also note that all three of us are sporting pleather pants, although that would be the one and only time I wore mine. We went to an underage club to dance, and as I commenced dropping it like it was hot, those pants split from zipper to ass crack AND down the insides of the legs, leaving my lady bits flapping in the breeze for all to admire. I had to shuffle out of the club sandwiched front-to-back between my two friends and still at least three guys tried to tip me. I never returned to that club, and I have never, EVER tried to drop it like it's hot again."

Anna Wintour has apparently tired of the "affordable" stuff she pretended to care about in 2009, and is back to her old tricks, sending Joan Juliet Buck on an excursion to an $800-a-night spa in Utah that Buck calls "a potent combination of comfort, sensual rewards, and privilege." Vogue even did a whole photo shoot in and around the spa, starring Daria Werbowy in climbing boots, and one has to wonder whether this little retreat — like Gwyneth Paltrow's recent getaway — was comped. To distract readers from such concerns, Vogue shows how hip it is by packing its January photo shoots with tousled young musicians. Indie rock: so cool! So now! Excuse us — we're off to buy some stocks.


Click to enlarge

While Sun-In may have been a highlight lifesaver for some, I either didn't follow the directions properly or the solution had a weird reaction with my often-chlorinated swimmer's hair, as my "highlights" left me with a bright orange mop atop my head that took months to fade away. It wasn't the worst of my hair disasters, however: there was a truly heinous haircut during my freshman year of college that left me with about an inch of hair on my head and Kate Gosselin-eque bangs (which I later trimmed myself, which made things worse, as I looked like a four-year-old), and of course the time I spent a summer continually dying my hair a shade of drugstore-brand red, which left me with faded purple hues and creepy blood-colored dye stains in my shower. And then there was the time when I decided to go back to my "natural blonde" by attempting to bleach the red out of my hair, which left me looking like Pink's sad, slightly deranged older sister.

There's not much you can do with a terrible haircut but let it grow, and dye jobs are often fixable, though they come with a price, for both your wallet and the overall health of your hair. Over the years I've learned that I'm a total idiot when it comes to my own hair, and that dying and trimming are best left to the professionals. Of course, in a recession, that means my hair has to go through awkward periods of growth and obvious roots, but in my case I'll take the hair of someone who hasn't been to the salon in a while over the hair of someone who looks like they just stepped out of a Kajagoogoo video from 1983.

So what were your worst hair disasters? And how did you fix them?

Sun-In [Vintage Ads]

[Jerusalem, December 16. Image via Getty]

Models prepare to showcase clothes by Palestinian designers during a fashion show in Jerusalem on December 16, 2009. AFP PHOTO/AHMAD GHARABLI (Photo credit should read AHMAD GHARABLI/AFP/Getty Images)

This sweater is kind of cute, even if you suspect it might be itchy.

God I am a sucker for a girlish dress. I grew up on Alice in Wonderland, Dorothy and Shirley Temple, and there's a part of me that can't let go of the classic, full-skirted silhouette. Advanced users can add a headband for full-on Blair Waldorf.

Then again: Sexy is cool, too.

There is never a colder, harsher light than that of the sun on January First. May as well throw on some sequins and drink all the champagne yourself, sweetie. They're not coming.

"One is the loneliest number… I tried to cry into my poncho, but I stabbed myself in the eye with a stud."

Oh, hello. I love you. No, not you. I'm talking to your red suede shoes. Gimme.

Sometimes I hate UO, but everything here looks really goregous, even though these models are doing their best to hide the awesome from us.

Wow. Wow! Yes on the coat, the blouse, the skirt and the floral wall hanging. No on the shoes, but everything else is so great, I'm in a forgiving mood.

Sorry, I only have one word for this, and it is: CUUUUUUTE!

Sigh. I like everything here, too! What is going on? Has UO changed? Right when I was counting on its overwrought fuggery?

Oh. Hideous Hipster Slanket Thingy. I knew UO would not disappoint.

Urban Outfitters [Official Site]

Earlier: Entertainment Earth: Bring Christian Bale & Joan Jett Home For Christmas
Harry & David's Merry, Mouth-Watering Christmas With A Crunch
Free People: Let's Pretend It's The Summer Of '69
Anthropologie's Hazy Shade Of Winter
Fetchdog, Drs Fosters & Smith: Howliday Humiliation For Dogs & Cats
Dear Santa: Have You Seen The December J. Crew?
Barneys: Wooing With Witticisms & Wallet-Emptying Wares
Ashro: Stop Being Such A Slob And Get Yourself A Suit, Hat & Wig

Iraqi street fashion has been constrained since 2003, as insurgent forces specifically targeted women who did not wear hijab, and women who wanted to dress in trendier outfits normally covered head-to-toe with an abaya, as to not attract attention.

However, as the situation has stabilized, many women are embracing different styles. At the posh Hunt Club, western style clothing is considered normal. There was even a "Miss Hunt Club" style pageant, that brought forth all kinds of participants.

Contestant Samaa Sameer, 18, was eliminated before the final round, but she says the pageant was a good way to show her confidence. Her mother, who wears a headscarf, beamed.

Sameer says she can't wear trendy clothes everywhere in Baghdad, but at social clubs like this, it's just the thing. She says it may take at least five years before Western clothes for women are common on city streets.

Mohammed summarizes the change in attitude well, saying of his clients:

Iraqi women ought to be free to wear whatever they like. They should be free to choose hijab if they wish, or they ought to be able to express themselves with Western clothing.

In Baghdad, Hemlines Rise As Violence Falls [NPR]

It's Ripley! And looking absolutely action-hero splendid.


Speaking of ass-kicking chic, check out Jamie Lee Curtis' sleek LBD - and gorgeous silver crop!


Zoe Saldana manages to look stunning in a futuristic scrap-metal majorette's uniform, which is saying a lot.


Virginia Madsen's classic LBD is ready for a mid-century holiday party, complete with Tom & Jerrys.


Michelle Rodriguez is a vision in fuschia: the contrast with undone hair keeps it casual.


I might have been tempted to not put a spotlight directly on my bosom, but Cheryl Tiegs knows what she wants.


Everyone's favorite Rorshach couple, the DeVito-Perlmans.


Audrina Patridge is identified as an "actress" here. I don't know about that, but I do know that this "suit" looks ridiculous.


Leona Lewis is thisclose to a "happy birthday, Mr. President" moment.


CCH Pounder takes "drapery" to a whole new level. Even Rami bows his head in shame before its sheer scope.

[Images via Getty]

Rachel McAdams: Studio 54 Olympus.


How dapper is Ozwald Boateng - controversial stripe and all? Man, the Brits.


Robert Downey Jr (with wife Susan Levin) does not seem to have profited from his proximity to Savile Row. Unless, that is, muscle tees and fedoras are being cranked out by bespoke tailors.


The combination of little girl's party dress and medieval chatelaine's girdle somehow works on Jenni Falconer.


A good rule of thumb is probably "union jack purse" or "leopard pumps." But Zara Martin knows rules are made to be broken.


Jude Law skews oddly "Little Tramp." Having seen him on Broadway in yoga togs not a few weeks ago, however, I can assure you that he is in fact still both handsome and extremely handsome.


A free imaginary cupcake to whoever can interpret the allegory on Kelly Reilly's dress.


It's like Heather Graham is channeling Roller Girl: the later years.


It's like Gwen Stefani creates a cool whirlpool that draws all coolness into her orbit. This is how to do easy winter!

[Images via Getty]

She continues:

The bad news: You won't find any Chanels, or sexy separates from hot labels like Alexander Wang, and the department store offerings are far more traditional than trendy - if they have plus-size departments at all.

Yeah, that's more like it. The article highlights blogs like Curvy Fashionista and a handful of plus-size online boutiques, but the overall truth remains that it's hard out there for a plus-sized shopper. I should know. With the holidays right around the corner, I've found that when you go just a couple of sizes up — from 14 to 16, or from 16 to 18 — the selection changes drastically — and narrows. Most of the time, cute scoop-neck tops and flirty dresses are suddenly replaced by dowdy tent-like tops and frumpy, conservative dresses. If you want to look on-trend, you have your work cut out for you. Plus-size online boutiques deserve applause, but quite often, the design and quality simply can't compete with real designer clothes by noted designers. It's crazy that adding 3 inches here or there means you're suddenly not good enough for J. Crew or French Connection.

In addition, there's the reality that plus size means different things to different people. Commenter "PLozar" rants:

What some posters don't get is that "plus size" doesn't equate to "fat." Even at my absolute thinnest, I couldn't wear tops smaller than size 14 because I'm well endowed… The problem (as kd9 points out) is that simply increasing the dimensions doesn't create a garment that FITS RIGHT — and it's all about fit. Clothes in general are designed for women who are …straight up and down — and they just plain don't FIT anyone who has curves.

On the other hand, it seems like a miracle that any designers and retailers welcome plus-size shoppers — and the substantial profits, since the American woman wears a size 14 — when you think about the mindset behind the other comments on this article, which range from "NO fat chicks!" to "Eating everything at the buffet is not cute or chic" and, of course: "Do these dresses come with a side order of fries?" You'd think that a piece about plus-size fashion would be a place for plus-sized women share experiences, compare notes, and, you know, talk about plus-size fashion. Instead, it's a repository for vile thoughts. merciless mocking of the model (pictured above), and relentless fat-shaming. Some comments have been deleted; it's left up to your imagination how nasty or derogatory the "conversation" was.

My favorite comment — winning points for fat-shaming and misogyny — comes from "tcttw," who says:

If the readers of these comments are going to be so sensitive — ok, offended — or, maybe it's the author, or the editors too, maybe stories like this should go on Jezebel.com. I cannot believe how many harmless but sarcastic comments were edited. It just proves you cannot take a certain gender so seriously.

Plus-Size Fashion Trends: More Options Online [SF Gate]

JANUARY
London, January 15.

The year began with a demure, understated white jumpsuit, accessorized with a bow of hair. A nod to the noted adventurer Alice In Wonderland? Perhaps… But The Lady loves a girlish touch.

[Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

JANUARY
Munich, Germany; January 26.

At something called DLD Star Night at Haus der Kunst, the Lady "rocked" crystal formations.

[Image via Getty.]

JANUARY
She's hard as a rock, a gem.

[Image via Getty.]

JANUARY
London, January 28.

After hanging out with Mark Ronson, The Lady was seen wearing an oh-so-breathable latex ensemble. A flower in the hair keeps it feminine!

[Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

FEBRUARY
London, February 18.

This image was shot during rehearsals for the Brit Awards 2009 at Earls Court, London. These leggings were ankle-length during rehearsals, but during her actual performance, the legs had been cut off so that only a patterned panty remained. She is Captain of Team No-Pants.

[Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

FEBRUARY
London, February 18.

Backstage at the Brit Awards: A scorching hot pink cocktail dress.

[Image via Getty.]

MARCH
Santa Monica, CA; March 11.

For an Interscope Records portrait session, a masculine tuxedo jacked was paired with a disco ball bra and shorts. Victor/Victoria!

[Image via AP.]

MARCH
Los Angeles, March 13.
During a show at the Wiltern Theater, geometric shapes and a gravity-defying skirt.

[Image via Getty.]

APRIL
London, April 16.

Purple reign? Purple drank?

[Image via WENN.]

APRIL
April 20, London.

A temptress and a teacup.

[Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

APRIL
Paris, April 23.

Lyrics from Lady Gaga's song "The Fame" seem to fit here:

I can't help myself
I'm addicted to a life of material
It's some kind of joke
I'm obsessively opposed to the typical

All we care about is
runway models, Cadillacs and liquor bottles
Give me something, I wanna be
Retro glamour, Hollywood, yes we live for the
Fame…

[Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

MAY
Boston, May 4.

An Electric Lady during a performance for The Grammy Celebration Concert Tour at the House of Blues. How many leotards do you think she owns?

[Image via AP.]

MAY
Sydney, Australia; May 21.

Captain No Pants marches on.

[Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

JUNE
Toronto, June 19.

If you're keeping notes, purple is a yes; pants are a no.

[Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

JUNE
Toronto, June 19.

Your love is nothing I can't fight,
Can't sleep with the man who dims my shine. — "I Like It Rough," Lady Gaga

[Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

JUNE
Toronto, June 21.

I can see you staring there from across the block
With a smile on your mouth and your hand on your [huh] — "Love Game," Lady Gaga

[Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

JUNE
Toronto, June 21.

Danger + sexuality + power = A Lady Gaga performance.

[Image via AP.]

JUNE
Toronto, June 21.

At the 2009 MuchMusic awards, Lady Gaga won Best International Video. She did not, however, sing any songs from Hair. Unfortunately.

[Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

JULY
London, July 14.

Maison Michel bunny ears and an elaborately knit sweater dress prove that The Lady is provocative even when her body is mostly covered.

[Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

JULY
German TV, July 21.

Muppet show! The infamous Kermit jacket, which she wore on German TV — originally seen in the Jean-Charles de Castelbajac's runway show in May — made for a memorable Muppet moment.

AUGUST
Jerusalem, August 18.

Ms. Gaga dressed down for the Holy Land, but as a former Catholic schoolgirl, made sure to wear a cross. In a song called "Teeth," Gaga sings, "My religion is you."

[Image via Getty.]

(Click to enlarge)

SEPETEMBER
Berlin, September 7.

Sometimes The Lady dresses like quite ladylike!

[Image via AP.]

SEPTEMBER
London, September 8.

An imagined conversation from the Project Runway judges:

Nina: I'm not bored…
Michael Kors: It shows creativity, but the shoulders are insane.
Heidi Klum: I think it looks like she woke up and took the bedspread with her.

[Image via Getty.]

SEPTEMBER
Paris, September 10.

Don't you love the Julie Christie hair?

[Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

SEPTEMBER
Paris, September 10.

Lieutenant Gaga says: Fight the good fight! The War On Pants will be won!

[Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

SEPTEMBER
New York, September 13.

The 13th was a huge day for Ms. Gaga: The MTV Awards. These are just a few of the ensembles she wore! Her red carpet dress was "Venetian Steampunk Lady In Mourning." Quoth the raven, "J'adore!"

[Image via Getty.]

SEPTEMBER
New York, September 13.

A blood-soaked rendition of "Paparazzi" required white boots and outrage.

[Image via Getty.]

SEPTEMBER
New York, September 13.

When Gaga picked up her Best New Artist award, she wore red lace and a McQueen headpiece right out of Pan's Labyrinth.

[Image via Getty.]

SEPTEMBER
New York, September 13.

In the pressroom after the MTV awards, it was time for a little jumper that was part Chrysler building, part Metropolis.

[Image via Getty.]

SEPTEMBER
New York, September 13.

Also at the MTV awards: Bird nest.

SEPTEMBER
New York, September 13.

For her own VMA after party, Gaga made the mantilla chic.

[Image via Getty.]

SEPTEMBER
New York, September 14.

The day after the MTV awards, Ms. Gaga attended the Marc Jacobs fashion show in a ladylike frock. And Zorro-like mask.

[Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

SEPTEMBER
New York, September 14.

At a party for V Magazine, Marc Jacobs and Belvedere Vodka: Doesn't every Catholic schoolgirl dream of having her own radiant nimbus?

Also: If you think you can see nipple, it's because you can.

[Image via Getty.]

SEPTEMBER
New York, September 30.

Lady Gaga teamed up with Dr. Dre for Heartbeats, her high-end headphones. What does one wear to a headphone launch? An outfit which consists of cake frosting and 1930s tap pants. Of course.

[Image via WENN.]

OCTOBER
New York, October 2.

At the Billboard Women In Music brunch — yes, brunch: Hair today, gone tomorrow.

[Image via AP.]

NOVEMBER
New York, November 2.
Bra on the outside. Marie Antoinette cotton candy hair. Monster claws. A little Renoir, a ltitle rococo.

[Image via Getty.]

NOVEMBER
London, November 4.

Russian roulette is not the same without a gun
And baby when it's love if its not rough it isn't fun…
Oh, oh oh oh oh…
Can't read my, can't read my, no he can't read my poker face

[Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

NOVEMBER
Braunschweig, Germany; November 7.

Another exercise in defying gravity — this time for the German TV show Wetten dass...?

[Image via AP.]

NOVEMBER
Los Angeles, November 14.

Made up like a Columbine from a Harlequinade!

[Image via Getty.]

COLUMBINE : Pierrot,
My vinaigrette ! I cannot live without
My vinaigrette!

PIERROT: My only love, you are
So fundamental! . . . How would you like
to be
An actress, Columbine? I am become
Your manager.

COLUMBINE : Why, Pierrot, I can't act.

PIERROT: Can't act! Can't act! La, listen to
the woman !
What s that to do with the price of furs ?
You're blonde,
Are you not? you have no education, have
you?
Can't act ! You under-rate yourself, my dear !

COLUMBINE: Yes, I suppose I do.

PIERROT: As for the rest,
I'll teach you how to cry, and how to die,
And other little tricks ; and the house will love
you.
You ll be a star by five o clock . . . that is,
If you will let me pay for your apartment.

— From Aria Da Capo, by Edna St. Vincent Millay

[Image via Getty.]

NOVEMBER
Los Angeles, November 22.

The American Music Awards: Bones, mugs & harmony.

[Image via Getty.]

NOVEMBER
Los Angeles, November 23.

Part Herman Munster, part Riff Raff from Rocky Horror. Like something out of the Beetle Juice waiting room. But classy!

[Image via Getty.]

DECEMBER
Blackpool, December 7.

The Lady managed to be fully covered when she met the Queen. It's doubtful that Her Majesty had ever seen latex leg o'mutton sleeves before, but you never know.

[Image via Getty.]

DECEMBER
New York, December 8.

After a long year, The Lady looked lovely in a restrained gown at the launch of VEVO.

And there you have it: Girlish, tough, proper, whimsical, fierce, provocative and experimental, a year of Gaga ensembles makes you wonder what she'll do next. Some say, when it comes to fashion, she is more powerful than Anna Wintour. Regardless: If you made it this far, click here for a message from Lady Gaga herself.

[Image via Getty.]

Each family member — Lindsay, Ali, Dina, Cody and Michael Jr. — has a "room" on the site. Junior's "room" features two pictures of him shirtless and hasn't been updated since September. The page belonging to Dakota, aka "Cody" hasn't been updated since April — though it's probably for the best, since, according to his bio, "Cody prefers playing soccer than[sic] starring in his own movie." Ali's room has a post (from April) about how she was bullied at school by mean girls. Lindsay's room actually has current info, but the site is peppered with grammatical and spelling errors, and was written by someone without a firm grasp of how to use an apostrophe. (Example: "Today is Dina Lohans[sic] Birthday. Buzz on the street is there will be a suprize[sic] party for Dina.")

But the most mind-boggling part is the "shop," where you can buy:

A $135 wrinkled DKNY sweater owned by Michael Jr.

Lindsay's Purple Converse, for $35.

Stella McCartney boots owned by Lindsay, for $500.

Nike sneakers — with Ali's name on them — for $150.

Or a jacket by "Diana" von Furstenberg, for $100.

Now, the second-hand designer market can be a lucrative business. But is there really a customer base for Michael Lohan Jr.'s old sweater? Or Lindsay's purple Chucks? Some of these items appear to be new, or new-ish, with tags attached. But knowing how much free swag celebrities get — between gift suites, PR mailings and brand promotions — you've got to wonder: Did the Lohans even pay for this stuff? Does Lindsay know her mom is selling things she's left behind? Where is the money going? Directly to Dina? I mean, sure, she's raising a bunch of kids by herself and trying to keep a no-good ex-husband off her back. But that doesn't mean anyone wants to pay $75 for a used "Marc Jacob" jacket. Then again, I could be wrong: While finishing this post, the pages on LohanHouse stopped responding: So many people wanted used orange Frye boots, the site crashed!

Look like Lindsay Lohan [Page Six]
[LohanHouse.com]

We all made some mistakes over the past decade; I spent much of the year 2000 with my face coated in roll-on glitter, and, over the course of the next ten years, watched many of my friends work their way through faux-vinyl pants, trucker hats, velour tracksuits, and other horrible trends of the era before realizing they looked, well, pretty stupid. Am I proud of my days walking around looking like a human disco ball? No. But when I see the pictures, I have to laugh. That's the best part of terrible fashion missteps: at some point, the evidence moves from being humiliating to being hilarious. Ready to laugh at your own fashion disasters? Then send pics of your best (or worst) fashion faux pas of the 00s to me at commenters@jezebel.com with "Past Fashion" in the subject line. Be sure to include a brief description of the outfit and the year the photo was taken. The last day for submissions is next Sunday, December 19, so dig out that old photo album and hit the scanner!

The Short-Lived Trends of the Decade [NYMag]

Attila's non-singing supernumeraries — the opera's extras — had been cast months ago. But when Prada met the supernumeraries in person yesterday, the designer allegedly told the producers that there was no way she could outfit them with her costumes. As Paper's Peter Davis reports, a tipster says she "took one glance at the women and groaned: 'I cannot clothe them! I need models!' "

The Metropolitan Opera swiftly fired the non-model extras and threw together a casting for models who would take their roles. "Employing models is ridiculous," says Davis' source. "Being a supernumerary is about how you move, not how you look." The Met confirmed the abrupt about-face to Page Six, saying the re-casting was "due to a change in concept."

Prada has long been a sort of intellectual hero for a certain kind of woman: those who, and I class myself among them, respect the craft, beauty, and artistry of high fashion even while being put off by its materialism, its insistence on acknowledging only the merest sliver of the world's supply of female beauty, its pageantry of excess.

With her doctorate in international relations, her self-awareness, her covetable pretty/ugly aesthetic and obvious design chops, Prada always seemed like she got it. The existence of someone so level-headed, so reasonable, in an industry of puffery was living proof that it was possible to love fashion without forgetting or ignoring that there are very solid grounds on which it can be criticized. That she did not see a flat-out contradiction between being a smart woman and working in her industry was heartening. In 2004, she told the New Yorker "Today I am having a crisis. And why? Because I can't match a dress with a pair of shoes. I am embarrassed to say that. But in the end I cannot forget what I do. I make clothes. It's silly. But it's my job."

She's a serious art collector; she had a slide installed in her office; she used to be a mime. She always sounded pretty damn cool. So why the hell, of all people, is Miuccia Prada telling actresses to step off and let the skinny, pretty people have their jobs? Surely she ought to recognize that the most important part of a stage production isn't how it looks, but how all the elements come together to make the audience feel something — and while one might argue that these are "only" non-singing roles, it still seems fundamentally short-sighted and wrong-headed to institute a beauty standard for a production like Attila. Miuccia Prada is the last person I would expect to see a roomful of women with non-model bodies as problems to be solved, rather than as people to be dressed. And what must it say about her confidence in her own design skills that Prada balked at adjusting her designs to suit a different physical ideal? Consider my girlcrush canceled until further notice.

Miuccia To The Met — Models Only! [Paper]
Curves Banned From Attila [P6]

Glamour's Stupids-worthy hints include not driving while reading the newspaper (or brushing your teeth), and not putting popcorn inside your vagina. According to the ever-obvious "dos and don'ts" section, you should also not expose your buttcheeks to public view. And woe betide the woman who tries to be "perfect" — she might end up falling down the stairs and breaking her daughter's leg, like Morning Joe co-host Mika Brzezinski. Using Brezinski's accident as a cautionary tale about "doing too much too soon" seems like a stretch, but if editors couldn't generalize individual women's experiences into prescriptive "tips for all women, ladymags wouldn't exist — and neither would Cover Lies.

[Seoul, December 9. Image via Getty]

A South Korean animal-rights activist in a costume protests against the sale of fur coats outside a department store in Seoul on December 9, 2009. The placard around her neck reads 'Animal life is unique and precious.' AFP PHOTO/JUNG YEON-JE (Photo credit should read JUNG YEON-JE/AFP/Getty Images)