Models at Chris Benz:

A model at John Varvatos:

Our "barf bag" girls, Dina & Levon:

The truth of Fashion Week is that it is PAINFUL speaking those truths over and over again to a bunch of people who are too wrapped up in their Coco Rocha sightings to get it through their heads that: Fashion is housework that was elevated somehow to "art" thanks only to the money that rich people are willing to fork out concealing the true extent of their vanity; and elevated to "commerce" worthy of a somewhat hyped seasonal trade show through the simple materialist dialectic that goes like this: If you build new wants, they will throw out last year's babydoll dress and shell out the Amex to buy them.

But if you accept these basic truths — and that you are powerless to do anything about them — you can soothe your remaining naive disillusionment at Fashion Week with one of those free drinks they serve you in exchange for your willingness to be a pawn in the complex demand-creation engine they have built and bask in the absurdity of some photographer — who isn't even on TV, or maybe he is, but who isn't these days — expecting you to know who the fuck he is. Look, they have wine, beer, champagne, bourbon, vodka, gin, even bitters! (To add a "healthy" splash to that vodka tonic consoling what ails you). Or you can do like other attendees, and soothe your disillusionment with:

Scarf (Custo)
Diamond Timex watch (eBay/Cynthia Rowley party)
Red BlackBerry Pearl, won at GenArt
$50 Lord & Taylor gift certificate (Rodarte)
Rodarte branded candle (Rodarte)
"Late Spring" Criterion Collection DVD (Rodarte)
Snoopy Sno Cone machine, book, journal, umbrella (Snoopy show)
Arrojo hair care products (Frank Tell)
Assouline book, Rumeur perfume (Lanvin lunch)
2 bottles of Izze fruit soda, 2-3 CDs, Skin care products (GenArt)

Dodai: I went into Fashion Week excited and hopeful, and came out on the other side exhausted, somewhat jaded and with foot pain. I also had PMS, but that's another story. All the registering, invitations and confirmations lead to a lot of standing in line waiting for the privilege to stand up while watch the runway shows. Many times I was given "standing room priority," which meant that I could be one of the first people to stand — and often lead to a seat. But generally I felt like I had to prove I supposed to be there, even while holding an invitation in my hand, even after Jennifer had informed me that I was "confirmed." Unless you're involved in Fashion Week, you may not realize that seeing a show is often 2 HOURS of frenzy for 15 minutes of show. It's like waiting in line for a rollercoaster. Most of the time there's a general sense that it's going to be fun — and worth it — but sometimes it definitely felt like much ado about nothing. I appreciate that for the designers and the PR houses, it's more like four MONTHS of work for 15 minutes of show, but as a person who was just trying to do her job — get into the show and report on what I saw — I felt judged, measured and ranked every step of the way, even at the parties. Part of this is just the beast of New York, but part of it is the "are you 'important' or not" attitude the majority of the people involved have. As far as the clothes go, I enjoyed them the most when they were fun (Baby Phat/KLS, Betsey Johnson). I was thankful that I had the pleasure of going to shows before every single model was skeletal. When I saw Naomi Campbell walk for Rosa Chá years ago, she was a vision of health and energy; strutting and prancing like a thoroughbred racehorse, superhuman. The models at the Rosa Cha show this year seemed bored and gray from nutrition deficiency. What I did love was having the room at The Algonquin — being able to step away from the hurricane of activity into a quiet space steeped in oak, Dorothy Parker quotes, and a "hotel cat." I felt like I was part of something bigger, as a woman writing in New York, and that made me happy. The Algonquin rules.

Jennie: With the right attitude, I think you can talk your way into most things. But, as fashion week proved, "I'm on the list" is a line that works way more often than it should. Not as often as I would've liked, mind you, but more than it should; enough to score me a spot backstage at Rodarte and Malandrino, which were two of the highlights of my week. Rodarte is thoughtful, artful fashion at its best: It's conceptual, but not unrecognizable. And I still can't stop talking about the marvel of sitting there and seeing dresses float by that look like they were made from clouds.

Another show that had me gaga was Chris Benz, genius up-and-comer extraordinaire. It was the perfect fusion of fashion as "fashion" (something artful, something rooted in ideas and narrative) and the practical: Working with the most recognizable of forms (slouchy pants, drop-waisted dresses, the loafer!), he dipped these everyday objects into the most explosive neon palette you could possibly imagine. The end result was breathtaking. I felt like Dorothy stepping into Technicolor for the very first time, but better! Because in my Oz, Benz's Oz, the munchkins were in fact models who were costumed as the bastard lovechildren of Annie Hall and Jay Gatsby. This is what fashion should be.

And Catherine Malandrino! She to me, much like Behnaz Sarafpour, has always embodied for me the essence of the smart chick. Malandrino clothes are all about being a woman: Not a small girl, but a hormone-raging, food-eating, emotion-feeling, boob-and-hips-clad woman. She is probably the only designer I can think of whose clothes look better on "real" people than on models. You gotta have a booty to wear her clothes — thank god! And her use of color was such a relief — so saturated and refreshing and alive — it reminded me why I love fashion. Unfortunately, the models on display at most of the shows reminded me why I don't always love fashion too: Everyone knows that models are thin, but it's not until you see them up close that you realize how shocking their bodies are. Uncostumed, they are terrifying; no one can see a model up close and aspire to that sort of physical form.

It's shocking, we know, but some people take Fashion Week really, really seriously. Designers shudder and quake in anticipation as the world's top "fashion journalists" pull out their best and most pretentious purple prose reviewing the Spring/Summer 2008 collections. In our final primer on what the major critics" have to say about the shows at New York Fashion Week, we've got Zac Posen, Heatherette, Donna Karan, Calvin Klein, and Betsey Johnson. First up, red-carpet favorite Zac Posen drops a touch of 'Little House on the Prairie' onto the runway.

"lacks...restraint", "inspired by Pilgrims, Amish, Mennonites and Shaker", "restraint was positively mandatory", "at his best with his day wear", "flirtatious white ruffles", "expressed a sweet exuberance" — Robin Givhan, Washington Post

"unlikely inspirations", "big-sky romance", "a softness that his more overtly sexy work lacks", "strayed into dangerous pastures", "as poufy as storm-whipped clouds", "more than a little showy", "a country no-no" — Nicole Phelps, Style.com

"vaguely safari", "smart, modern and controlled", "a lack of restraint is his biggest problem", "his greatest indulgence is the big, splashy finish", "more like the twilight zone" —WWD

"short and sweet", "endearing youthfulness", "wheat sheaves shaped as crystal brooches", "rural spirit", "puffy with volume", "thoughtful" — Suzy Menkes, International Herald Tribune

"evoked the wheat fields of the Great Plains", "dramatic beauty of the wind-tossed, open sky", "hand-painted and shadow-dyed", "bold and dramatic as a thunder-clap", "shot with lightning shafts of colour and extravagant shapes" — Hilary Alexander, Daily Telegraph

Heatherette
"fun", "surefire", "the models look like wayward brides in a sort of backward couture show", "big red-white-and-blue dose of Americana", "picnic-table print", "Wearable? Sure, a little" — Meenal Mistry, Style.com

"send-up of the U.S. of A.", "delightful high-energy romp", "wasn't all over-the-top camp", "their share of wacky red, white and blue getups", "some chic - and no less whimsical".— WWD

Donna Karan
"classy halter and shirt-dresses", "waist was the focus", "flattering", "recalled... women airing themselves on their stoops on a hot summer night, usually within sight of a man in an undershirt" — Cathy Horyn, NY Times

"women as urban warriors", "had the feel of an urban princess", "more comfortable in a garden setting than surrounded by the city's concrete and steel" — Robin Givhan, Washington Post

"worked both sides of the structure/flow divide", "portrait collars", "crisp, breezy", "confident sensuality", "the silhouette was lean and languid or full", "arabesques of silk ribbon" — Nicole Phelps, Style.com

Betsey Johnson
"petticoated party dresses dashed with decorations like sprinkles on a cupcake", "sequins, hearts, laces, and lamé", "deliberate act of indulgence", "huge crinolines", "Empire waists and daisies". — Laird Borrelli-Persson, Style.com

"cacophony of tulle", "no one does a party dress like Johnson", "sparkly", "polkadots and stripes galore", "pink-and-yellow paisley playsuits", 'downright patriotic", "modern-day sailor jumpsuits", "frocks didn't seem to vary much style-wise". — WWD

Calvin Klein
"a job well done", "will gain more meaning with time", "breezy", "egg-wash shades", "the hemlines of the dresses might have been better shorter", "all the models in the show were white", "seems out of touch" — Cathy Horyn, NY Times

"equivalent of a sexy whisper", "austere", "unforgiving fabrics", "faintest gray shadings", "sensuous drape", "its strength was in the purity of the design" — Robin Givhan, Washington Post

"spare, clean canvas", "wasn't enough", "quiet repetitiveness", "minimalist in the style of old-school Calvin" — Nicole Phelps, Style.com

"shimmer of silk", "subtle shades of sea and river water", "exceptional", "succeeded in reigniting minimalism", "modern and relevant" — Suzy Menkes, International Herald Tribune

But hey, don't take it from me, because a new documentary, "Made In L.A.," is coming to a PBS station near you that will make my point. It's about exploited immigrant workers at Forever 21-contracted sweatshops, and their struggle to win better wages and working conditions for themselves, even staking out the Forever 21 founder's house, which reminds you that he happens to live in the same city as the workers making his clothes, which is how they can turn out those knockoffs so quickly, which cannot be said for Anthropologie or Bebe, which brings us to the parable about casting stones or something. The end. Though we suspect this one-sided blog debate could continue Forever.

Anthropologie Sues Forever 21 Over Copyright [Reuters]
Related: Designer Sues [NY Post]
Gwen Stefani Sues Forever 21 [MSNBC]
Vigilante Justice [WWD]

We shop at Forever 21, so maybe we're not the best judges of what's new, fresh, of-the-moment (and other 'Lucky'-isms) in fashion. We have a few Marc Jacobs items, but they were on clearance at Century 21 and probably from five years ago, so that's why we've let the critics speak about the fashion darling's show the other night — you know, the one that started two hours late, and pissed off a bunch of people, including 'Vogue' editor Anna Wintour.

"...expressed perfectly the dislocating values of our culture", "an antidote to the cartoonish Jessica Rabbit sexuality", "stripped-down dresses to break the hold of flagrant sexiness", "erotic", "respectful of women", "beautiful, as well as realistic", "deal openly and imaginatively with sexuality without exploiting it". — Cathy Horyn, NY Times

"...could have used a little more time", "on their own, individual elements... were very attractive", "wearable clothes wasn't the point here", "clothes appropriate for warmer weather", "color-blocking, sheer overlays, sequins", "nude and natural colors with bright pops" — Samantha Critchell, Washington Post

"Extraordinary", "off-kilter and knock-your-socks-off", "a bonkers surrealist streak", "transparency was a key theme", "Gimmicky? You bet. But also fascinating", "gawky and awkward", "provocative", "sublime performance was about sex", "couldn't look away" — Nicole Phelps, Style.com

"a pseudo-Surrealist stab at fashion", "too-big shoes, raw seams, ugly juxtapositions of table-cloth plastic and metallic lace in virulent hues", "unfinished, underwear-exposing", "the height of designer-label luxury", "failed to impress" — Hilary Alexander, Daily Telegraph

"not his strongest, but still, it was great", "a succession of mad hair, mad shoes, kooky glasses and zany clothes", "all wasted, batty church secretary in 1953", "rejoices...in the weird and wonderful moments that make dressing unique" — Amy Larocca, NY Mag

"fairy-tale farce", "inventive layerings", "brilliantly fantastical", "will dazzle all as brightly in their retail incarnations", "haute florals and adorable animalia", "hussy sheers", "a delightfully costumed experimental sexcapade". — WWD

Earlier: Marc Jacobs Channels 'Grey Gardens'? We Beg To Differ
WaPo Fashion Critic Robin Givhan's Dog Molests Shoes; Marc Jacobs Is To Blame

[Images via AP]

Earlier: Retro Fashion: Edie Beale On The "Best Costume For The Day"