The Five Types of Extreme Shoppers

1. Miss Lonely Hearts: "Well-practiced at pouring her heart out to a salesperson on a regular basis."
   In brief, these ladies are really rich... Off of their husband's money. They don't work. Spending aforementioned husband's money is their main occupation. Also, these women are getting increasingly younger and younger. This "type" also includes, however, the mid-divorce-wife who is trying to drive up her spending habits to get more in the settlement. Consider these your executive nut jobs, to paraphrase Eddie Izzard. No fucking around with these ladies.
   
   
   
2. The Addict: "Shops nonstop, and isn't exactly sure why."
   If a customer makes her first phone call from the plastic surgeon's recovery room to her favorite sales clerk, asking him to send over the latest looks for her new body (true story!), she's an addict.
   
   
   
3. The Psycho Shopper: "Prone to tantrums and just plain bizarre behavior. One such shopper had a Bergdorf Goodman staffer snap naked photos of her in the dressing room."
   Known for exhibiting "register rage," turning a dressing room into her satellite office, and saying things like, "My husband is jealous of these boots because they are better looking than he is. He hasn't spoken to me in a week because he thinks I am paying more attention to my boots than to him."
   
   
   
4. The Performer-Exhibitionist:"Inclined to parade around the store in her underwear, flirt with salespeople or show off her latest dance move or bauble."
   Based on WWD's reporting, these women are really into yoga. They might start performing poses at the register. Or, they might begin their practice in the middle of the sales floor wearing "only a thong." Says one poor salesman, "I can't tell you how many naked women I have seen. It's a safe perversion for them. They know I'm gay but they love the idea of a man looking at them naked. They have me lift a boob, adjust a bra or snap a bodysuit. Ick."
   
   
   
5. Little Ms. Indecisive: "Tries on clothes as a form of exercise, is a big fan of putting merchandise on hold for days before actually buying and often is a chronic returner."
   Apparently, these customers are "in mourning." Because they're probably already deeply in debt. Fun!

Shoppers In Need Of A Little In-Store Psychology [WWD, sub req'd]

L & C: Chris Benz SS08, R: Behnaz Sarafpour SS08

L & C: Behnaz Sarafpour SS08, R: Angel Chang SS08

L to R: Vera Wang SS08, Abaete SS08, Marc Jacobs FW08.

[Images via Elle.com.]

ELLE: Jan-Mar '08 ['08 $] 71,832,955 ['07$] 64,793,223 [% change] 10.9 ['08 pgs] 583.55 ['07 pgs] 552.00 [% change] 5.7

The team at Elle is doing something right, if PIB figures are a tell (see previous post 'It's not just newspapers.') And I suspect circulation figures, especially newsstand, were also strong for the same period, which coincides with the end of the last PR cycle.

Not all the work is done in the office especially in high profile positions at a fashion magazine. What seems like a glam lifestyle to many — designer dinners, fashion shows, gala functions — is considered work and has value. Also let's not forget, during the '2 years' cited by the 'insider' (read, one who likely wished their job was to get out to attend the aforementioned) Nina had a baby. Motherhood is very important work, isn't it?

I actually heard when I worked there, that Nina had slept with Joe Zee not Gilles... wait, wait now I remember... They said Joe Zee loved having trio's [sic] with Nina and Robbie Myers IN THE CLOSET! yes!...and that they walked out with their hands full! Did you spread that stuff you said she did on your fucking tongue or what you bitch! You really hate and envy Nina right?...is it that you are in LOVE with Nina and truth is her popularity kills you!

Earlier: Elle Continues To Toy With Nina Garcia's Affections

The foundation of Aliza's outfit is, naturally, built upon the shopping mecca of aspiring hipster poseurs everywhere: American Apparel. Below, the leggings, scoop-neck leotard and black hoody.

(Unisex flex fleece zip hoody, $40; cotton spandex jersey legging, $26; jersey short sleeve t-shirt leotard, $28.)

And her boots? White fringe stylings are something that could only be found at a place called the Boot Barn.

(Oak Tree Farm "Oasis" fringe boot, $89.99)

And don't forget the hair! This Beverly Johnson wig in Shade 4 ought to do the trick.

(H-214 by Beverly Johnson wig, $45.90)

But to really encapsulate Aliza-style, you've gotta rock the baggy leopard-print short. Where to go? The men's underwear section of WildFree, naturally.

(Wild Free men's lingerie silk leopard-print boxer shorts, $24)

Related: Shvarts Explains Her 'Repeated Self-Induced Miscarriages [Yale Daily News]

"Why is there this division all of a sudden between people in support of me and people against me? How did this happen? I haven't done anything to anybody! I look at Karl Lagerfeld and John Galliano—everybody has their shtick. And just because this wasn't my shtick two years ago, it's a problem."

There are few remaining champions of Mark Jacobs. Affection for him has eroded over the past year in particular, as he has emerged as a gym-and-Sponge Bob Square pants-and-Victoria Beckham-obsessed mean girl, someone who lets the masses wait ages for his fashion shows to start, only to stick his tongue out at them from his own turn on the catwalk afterwards. This is not the fat and greasy Jacobs that garnered notoriety and respect for showing "couture grunge" for Perry Ellis over fifteen years ago. And I suspect that Kaylin, who wrote of her inalienable right to employ a nanny in her recently-published book the The Perfect Stranger, doesn't have much sympathy for a man who openly hates his mother. (In her book, Kaylin was very insistent about how much her children must love her despite (in spite?) of her choices. Jacobs probably made her uncomfortable.) When he was seven years old, Jacobs's father died from ulcerative colitis (a condition he also has), and then watched his mother take off on, as Kaylin puts it, "a chaotic period of power dating and failed marriages." This underscored the young Jacobs's belief that his mother was, inherently, a person who made poor choices:

I hate the term 'bad taste,' but my mother wasn't, like, a very chic person. Jane Fonda in Klute was definitely one of her role models, much to my father's dismay. But when I'd watch my mother getting dressed up to go out on dates and she'd be putting on three rows of false eyelashes and some hideous fox-trimmed brocade coat with a wet-look miniskirt and knee-high boots...

Utterly cold on the subject. I never believed that idea that you're supposed to love the members of your family. I hate the idea of obliged feelings—I just think that's a huge waste of time. But I've had enough conversations with people to realize that I'm the oddball in this category. I can't think of anyone as detached from their family as I am. Or as detached as I say I am.

Exercising is fun — the best part of my day. I'm such a catastrophic thinker that when anything happens, I figure I better just live life to the fullest — buy a diamond necklace, get another tattoo, work out... Whatever makes me feel good, I want more of. If work is going well, I want to do more clothes. If the gym thing is working for me, I want to be bigger. If getting my hair cut makes me look younger, I want to play with the color.... 'I want to look hot.' That is such a dumb thing to say. But what's so cool about it is that you can say it. Yeah, I want a bunch of muscle queens at David Barton Gym to think that my body looks dope. And I might think that was an awkward and dumb thing to say, but I still like that I'll throw it out there. Because it's true, you know?

Well. some of us would. Let's hope he stays sober and healthy. I'll bet there are still many creative tricks up his fashionable, neurotic sleeve.

Marc Jacobs Doesn't Give A F___ [GQ]

"On the one hand, I'm almost relieved that Beckham is owning the fact that she's selling herself as a product," Martin explains. "It's what so many of today's vacuous celebrities are doing anyway." But:

On the other hand, it all makes me sick. We've moved beyond 'the male gaze" and objectification; now girls can grow up worshiping Victoria in her painfully tall stilettos and aspiring to be seen as a "living doll," an inhuman product. Beyond the classic advertising trope of cutting women into pieces, this ad campaign also seems to suck the real life right out of them. Please, please, please boycott Marc Jacobs.

When Is a Fashion Ad Not a Fashion Ad? [NY Times]
Beyond Objectification: Woman as Product [Feministing]

Just this past February, the company's stock fell 18% in a day, proving that Gunn's name was not enough to translate into action at the cash register. Even Gunn's attempts to up the company's fame factor — Isaac Mizrahi was hired to be creative director of the Claiborne womenswear line and John Bartlett hired to oversee menswear soon afterwards — haven't helped. (Sure, the day Mizrahi's new role at the company was announced the company's stock was up 25%, but "much of that evaporated within a few weeks.") It remains unclear on how this acquisition, helmed by Gunn, has done anything to get Claiborne out of the red and into the realm wildly popular. Says Gunn: "I honestly think that in the not-too-distant future, this company will establish new paradigms of operations, the likes of which I don't think this industry has ever seen. I think we're going to be a Harvard Business School case study." Sorry, Tim: I'm a major fan, and I know that your new starpower designers' stuff won't be seen until next spring, but I remain unsold on your products and verbiage, both.

Project Rehab [Fast Money]

Earlier: How Tim Gunn Is Connected To J. Edgar Hoover, And Other Surprises About Project Runway's Favorite Father-Hen

Let's face it. If you are a normal person, you do not have close to $800 to spend on a pair of shoes. And even if you did, you would probably be spending it on something you could wear over and over again, or, hell, something you could wear at all. (Forget "if you have to ask you can't afford it", this is "if you have to be mobile you can't afford it.")

"I feel horrible when my girls come in here and say, 'I can't spend this much on sandals,' " says one boutique owner, who spoke with the Los Angeles Times regarding the rising price of ridiculous shoes. "They think it's my fault, but I am paying these high prices too." Another LA boutique owner agrees. "When Chloé came on the scene, I remember noticing it. All of a sudden, every line started designing a shoe collection that was more elaborate and more expensive."

Why do women do it? Bankrupting themselves, making their tootsies uglier and forcing pain upon themselves for some perverse pleasure gotten from owning something so impractical, so debilitating, and so (we repeat) fug? Let us not forget the sagacious words of our favorite paper, London's Daily Mail, which explains the allure of high heels thusly: "Men like an exaggerated female figure." Yeah, my boyfriend who insists men aren't looking at my feet? Apparently he's right.

Whatsa Matter With Choo? [NY Observer]
Manolo Lovers Feel Financial Pain At the Pump [LA Times]
Life's Little Mysteries [Daily Mail]

[Image via Style.com]

Hadley Freeman thinks so. She's the author of The Meaning Of Sunglasses. And, according to Crispin, she "namedrops Andrea Dworkin and poet Joseph Parisi as often as she does Anna Wintour. She's the one you want on the other side of the changing room... If you came out looking cheap, she would grab you by the shoulders, turn you around, and demand you change immediately. As she writes in the section labeled 'Cleavage, and the plumbing of depths,' 'Show me a woman with a good three inches of cleavage on display, and I'll show you a woman who, rightly or wrongly, has little faith in her powers of conversation.'"

Here's the thing: If you're smart enough to realize that fashion is a cultural construct rooted in sexist ideals and designed to divide women from their dollars, are you not allowed to admit that you sorta like a Gucci purse? If you have the intellectual capacity to understand that if all mankind wore some kind of uniform, like monks' robes, the globe would be alleviated of many problems — from sweatshops to bullying — should you feel guilty about liking the Jovovich-Hawk collection for Target?

"Freeman wrote a book for women who actually exist," Crispin writes. "Women who have to wait for buses in the middle of winter. Women who like to dance at parties, and do not want to have to sit in the corner because their feet are bleeding." Fashion is not just for Vogue and Karl Lagerfeld. It's self-expression, it's loving to get dressed, to get dressed up; it's realizing that your clothes can reflect your thoughts, your mood, your passions. And if someone's passionate about clothes, isn't labeling them shallow sort of superficial?

Feminists Want To Look Good Too [Utne]
How To Shop [The Smart Set]

Flashback: '30s Fashion Predictions for the Year 2000 [GiggleSugar]

Why don't people tear their own clothes if that's what they want? Why buy a torn T-shirt from me? ...If you hear Anarchy In The UK today your hair stands on end. It gives you the shivers... I moved on. I realised that it's only ideas that are subversive in the end. It's not rushing around being a rebel.

I never tried to impose things. And I felt my sons should respect me. It would have to be a real emergency, for example, if they would wake me in the middle of the night, or even early in the morning. But I always thought what I could give to my children were my opinions. I don't think I was very good at educating my children... Oh, maybe I was in a way. My eldest son [a porn photographer] reads... And my younger son... Well, until a year ago he had only read The Great Train Robbery and a history of Jimmy somebody or other... But then he's Malcolm's son as well, so...

I do all these shows in Paris [where he lives] but I don't think of inviting him even. I think he's been too bad to me. Finally I decided he wasn't worth seeing. Sorry, I shouldn't say it in that way, but I don't expect he'll mind.

He needs my calmness and my grounding because he's very hysterical. He gets overwhelmed by himself. [...] I've never been interested - I've never worried - what he's up to or anything. I let him go - not let him, I mean he goes - on holiday by himself. And he'll change his clothes two or three times a day, even on the beach. And that man - he has to change his underwear. He has to feel things. He's a very sensual person.

She's really conservative. I'm very disappointed in that. She wears jeans. I think jeans are terrible... She said to me, "It's more important if people are nice people than what they wear." I said, "Rubbish."

Viva Viv [Telegraph]

Womenswear Designer of the Year: Designer: Marc Jacobs Known for: Running late, reviving punk, loving Victoria Beckham and Sponge Bob SquarePants, equally Seen on: Posh, natch. Also: Winona Ryder, Courtney Love, M.I.A., and every starlet under the sun Odds of winning: 2:3 (I mean, the guy had a nervous breakdown and put out two radically different collections this year. Plus, he got CFDA prez Diane von Furstenberg to say that she would chain herself to a grate before she let him show in Paris)

Designer: Francisco Costa for Calvin Klein Known for: Keeping it simple, being a nice guy Seen on: Ashley Olsen, Kate Bosworth, ELLE editor-in-chief Roberta Myers Odds of winning: 1:3 (Won in 2006 — doesn't really need to win again)

Designer: Lazaro Hernandez and Jack McCollough for Proenza Schouler. Known for: Intricate bustier dresses, being style chameleons, being child prodigies Seen on: Amy Adams, Isla Fisher Odds of winning: 1:3 (Won last year, but tied with Oscar de la Renta. Is this their year to not share the spotlight?)

Swarovski Womenswear Designer of the Year: Designer: Kate & Laura Mulleavy for Rodarte Known for: Gauze-strewn punk fairy dresses; being "intellectual" Seen on: Natalie Portman Odds of winning: 1:3 (Might be too intellectual and not practical enough for the fickle fashion world.)

Designer: Thakoon Panichgul Known for: Wares that resemble the love-child of a hippie and a minimalist Seen on: Top fashion editors, young fashion assistants who blow an entire fiscal quarter's pay on one piece Odds of winning: 2:3 (The vet of the young designer set. He'll probably be rewarded for his good behavior)

Designer: Alexander Wang Known for: Being a punk rock outlaw Seen on: 15-year old Estonian models Odds of winning: 1:3 (The young whippersnapper just got into the game — they're going to make him work for a statuette)

[Photos via AP, Getty, and ELLE.com]

Socialite Jamee Gregory says women dress for other women. ("Noted fashion photographer" Nigel Barker points out that "most men don't realize what's going on half the time. If their friend at work wears the same thing every day, they wouldn't notice. It's not in the gene pool.­­") But Ken Downing, the fashion director for Neiman Marcus, disagrees: "Women want to look sexy and stylish. They certainly want to dress for the man in their life and there's always a little competition with other women. That is the truth because I spend a lot of time around women and clothes." Adds designer Agatha Ruiz de la Prada: "In Spain, women dress for men...I think it's very tiring to have to dress to be sexy all day. It's horrible and exhausting to have to wear high heels for 24 hours."

And then there are those who say that women dress simply for themselves: "I don't know for everyone else. For me, it's for myself. When you feel good about yourself, you feel good about everyone else," says Carine Roitfeld of French Vogue. Echoes actress Sophia Bush: "I dress for myself. There are days when I don't want to be dressed up so I'm not. And there are other days when I really want to be done from head to toe. You've got to dress for you." And former Anne Klein designer Isabel Toledo points out that while she thinks that, on the whole, "Women dress for men. I do dress for myself because it makes me feel empowered, but I'm definitely looking for [husband] Rubin's expression, not his approval. I do use clothes to speak — how I dress is a form of communication for me."

Now I'd be hard-pressed to think of a time when I've been conscious of having put on a certain outfit hoping to attract the sexual interest of men, but I've definitely dressed hoping for the approval of other women. And while most days I don't dress myself thinking "I must win the love and acceptance of others!" I think it's sort of a bullshit to say you dress for yourself, always. Because in my case, no one can see what I'm wearing. (Those neon orange sweatpants). And I like to believe that Carine Roitfeld would be, too, if no one could see her. After all, if a fashionista falls in the forest and no one is around to see, is she really a fashionista?

All Dressed Up For No One In Particular [WWD]

Stranger, still, is who the fashion industry is blaming on this shift to skinny: Consumers themselves. Kelly Cutrone, head of PR firm People's Revolution, explains that fashion is simply "responding" to what men want. Spoken in true PR speak. Has anyone heard about the obesity epidemic in this fucking country? According to the New York Times the average weight of the adult American man has risen from 166.3 in 2002 to 191 pounds today. Meanwhile, Tyson Beckford continues to mentor aspiring male models on Bravo's new reality show Make Me A Supermodel, where the models are put through rigorous exercise regiments to achieve greater muscle mass.

Considering the fact that women wield enormous influence over the wardrobes of the men in their lives, we'll ask you: is there anything stylish or even sexy about the sight of a concave or malnourished man in a pair of skinny jeans?

The Vanishing Point [NY Times]

Says handbag designer Orla Keily: "Looking forward, I think the whole idea of it-anything will be questioned, Whether it's a bag or a shoe, do you really have to have this thing at all? And what about making a personal choice, rather than one that's been dictated to you?" Well fashion is never about need; it's about want. And there will always be a new objet being shilled by the fashion industry, something designed to stir desire in consumers worldwide and simply sell more expensive shit. Expensive shit that everyone else already has.

But if it shoes are the new it bags, we may as well check 'em out: Do you love or loathe the Spring 2008 Prada shoes? After all, if you can't beat 'em...

Make Way For The It Shoe [Independent]

Earlier: Fashion Blogger Announces That "It" Bags Are (Finally) Dead

The Muse [the It Bag created by Yves Saint Laurent]...was the Palme d'Or among accessory addicts. Like a slain stag slung across the roof of a pickup truck, the Muse signified that a woman had bagged the right bag. Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and other starlets reserved the cozy crooks of their arms for the popular purse. These days, life pales for the Muse...[T]he YSL handbag was last seen...priced at 20% off. Much like the popular pretty girl who always dies first in a horror film, the "it" bag was a victim of its own ambition.

The it Bag Is Dead. Designers Mourn. [All the Rage]
Related: Is This It for the It Bag? [New York Times]

Freeman, who writes for the Guardian, says that all the fuss about the awards shows getting canceled is supremely irritating, particularly because they have become such a huge part of the fashion industry. And she's even more irritated that fashion labels are up in arms about losing out on free advertising/potential revenue since they'll be denied the chance to dress, as Freeman puts it, some "Jessica RandomActress."

I have nothing but sympathy for all the makeup artists, fashion stylists and hairdressers (to say nothing of the nominees) who are missing their moments in the sun through the cancellation at the weekend of the Golden Globes - and possibly of next month's Oscars - due to the writers' strike... But this assumed importance of celebrity has been taken to such extremes in the fashion world......that the shows now seem to be more about the designer showing off which actresses and pop stars - and offspring thereof - they can get in the front row than the clothes on the runway...When designers start to value celebrities over actual customers, the clothes become more expensive, more impractical and seemingly more irrelevant than ever, as is increasingly the situation..... Now it often feels as if designers are tailoring their collections to pander to celebrity stylists and the paparazzi - which would at least explain the continuing popularity on the catwalks of crippling stilettos, minuscule dresses and other clothes designed for lifestyles based on maximum photo opportunities and minimal body fat....And surely it can only be to the good for the fashion world to be reminded, for at least one year, that celebrity endorsement is not the only happy ending.

A Designer Explains the Effect of the Writer's Strike On Fashion [NYMag]

Dark Side of the Red Carpet [Guardian]

Though James Mischka of Badgley Mischka insists that "trends today are much kinder to the bridesmaids than they ever were before" and Mark Badgley backs him up by saying, "The look these days is much more casual," I don't believe it at all. (Seriously, have you checked out bridal "guru" Vera Wang's latest maids' concoctions? I threw up a little in my mouth just looking!) Most brides are still shoving their so-called best-friends in pastel confections that you would not wish upon your worst, ugliest enemy. Tom Nardone, the founder of Uglydress.com, points out that, in their state of nuptial-planning hysteria, "Brides will choose a dress the same way they choose the cake, the chair covers and, especially, the flowers. That's why you get necklines that match the contours of the calla lilies."

Some say, that, when it comes to bridesmaid garb, times are changing — "Girls...want more fashion-forward looks," says Francesca Pitera, the chief designer for Jim Hjelm, a New York bridal house — but I can't help but think this is just another version of the same problem. Ok, fine: Maybe you don't have to wear a baby blue damask silk gown which hangs at the natural waist and has crepe flowers blooming out of the shoulders, but are you really going to feel much better when you see yourself in a picture of the bridal party in 20 years time, bedecked in a burnt-orange baby doll dress? Or a royal purple bubble hem? Because while fashion will always yield cringe-inducing trends laughed at in personal snapshots and such, bridal-party wear is well-documented enough that everyone and their mother gets to have a laugh.

27 Dresses: A Costume Designer's Dream [Reuters]
The Bride Made Me Buy This [NY Times]

I once laughed unsympathetically when my mother's best friend broke her thumb putting on her girdle, and now, lo many years later, God has seen fit to punish me... It's hard to say if my affliction is more or less embarrassing than that girdle-mangling horror of yore. I will let you be the judge. Here goes: I was felled by a man-bag, a Goyard man-bag at that...After two or three years of lugging round my luxe accessory...I incurred a nasty case of bicep tendinitis....[It] is a painful and immobilizing condition involving months of rehab.

Doonan's other fashion victim pals include realtor Burt Minkoff (angora in the contact lens landed him in the ER); gallerist Karen Boltrax (Paul Smith clogs fucked up her feet); an anonymous Allure staffer (thrombosis from too-tight leather pants — guesses, anyone?); and US Weekly's Sasha Charnin Morrison (took a tumble leaving a Versace show, got a photo and a Versace band-aid to prove it).

I for one, have an anecdote: It was my sophomore year of college and I had signed up to be a tour guide for prospective students and their parents. Finishing up a tour while walking forwards (not backwards, like a good tour guide should!) in my brand spankin' new ballet flats — which just might have been an eency bit loose in the heel — I tripped, took flight, and landed face down, using only my knees to break my fall. I was rushed to the ER, as the doc on campus was positive I had not one but two broken kneecaps. (They ended up being severely bruised, and I was put on bedrest for 2 weeks.)

Anyway: So here's the challenge: Can you guys top these fashion injury stories? Go for it. Make our day.

Ouch! Argh! We Tumble, We Fall: Fashion Injuries, or the Agony of Angora [NY Observer]

Victoria Beckham: A new-age Annie Hall! They don't call the girl "posh" for nothing.

Amy Winehouse: Somewhat precious, yet somehow still manages to channel Billie Holliday. No one sings the blues today quite like Amy.

Mary-Kate Olsen: We always thought no one could look good in white. We were wrong.

Fergie: If only she would always stick to structured and sweet looks like this!

Kelly Clarkson: We never met a dress with pockets we didn't like.

Eva Green: va-Va-VA-VOOOOOM

Avril Lavigne: Hey, at least she's not wearing combat boots or anything plaid.

Jessica Simpson: Who knew J.Simp had tailored and classic in her?!

Lindsay Lohan: The cooter is covered, the color is divine.

Alison Angrim: Oh come on - this bitch was last on TV decades ago - why does Mr. Blackwell even care about her?

[All photos via FilmMagic and Bauer Griffin.]

Victoria Beckham Tops Worst-Dressed List [AP]
Posh Spice Tops Mr. Blackwell's Worst-Dressed List [US Weekly]

[S]cholars may conclude instead that this was the year in which designers finally succumbed to the baser desires of an overheated celebrity culture, in which the only thing that matters is fame and the only means to succeed is by screaming, "Look at me!" At least, that's what they might think after reviewing some of the year's worst fashion moments, in which actions seem so obviously calculated to provoke.

As Wilson asks, what do we remember about Valentino from the previous year? His spectacular 40th anniversary retrospective? No of course not. We remember that he repeatedly asserted that he wasn't going to retire and then, well, announced just that. What do we remember about Marc Jacobs? His rather provocative Spring 2008 collection which perverted notions of femininity and decorum? No: We remember that his Spring 2008 show started a gajillion hours late and that lots of editors got pissed and then Marc got pissier and dyed his hair blue. (And furthermore, fashion itself took a back seat to big ol' nasty hair this year: Nothing calls attention better than pairing ratty cut-offs with a giant beehive, after all. Or, um, just shaving your head.) This was, as Wilson put it, "The Year That Yelled 'Notice Me'." Which raises some interesting questions about fashion itself.


What is it that is off-putting about fashion reflecting a "Look at me!" attitude when, in fact, the very essence of the art is to control and alter the way in which people, well, look at things? What does it mean to be "disappointed" in the fashion industry for shifting its focus away from the clothes and towards the people wearing the clothes? Is this not the very same concept that created the unfortunate sensation that is reality television? Substance means nothing, branding means everything. And the most powerful brands of our time are nothing more than the names of people who have, at best, parlayed their day jobs into celebrity (read: Wilson's dismay over seeing Vera Wang make a cameo appearance on Ugly Betty) and, at worst, have parlayed a lack of a day job into celebrity (read: The Hills, which even Marc Jacobs found important enough to pay a visit to.) We live in the age of "Notice Me." We're just wondering what took fashion so long to catch up with the times.

The Year That Yelled 'Notice Me' [NY Times]

The fun begins with a wacky video which uses an old episode of Full House intercut with some new PETA-tastic content to show Hairy-Kate and Trashley as evil fur-wearers, even as seemingly innocent children. Yes, Bob Saget is in it!

Next, "Dress Up The Trollsens." The point of this game is to clothe your haggard virtual dolls: Your only choices are fur! And the fur's still alive. Make sure you have the volume turned up, so you can hear the garments go drip drip drip. Brilliant! For reals.

PETA even makes petition-signing fun! It's so easy to write to your favorite pro-ana fur-wearers. The Olsens' clothing line, "The Row", is referred to as "Death Row". Don't know about you, but we'll sign anything that doesn't involve having to find an envelope and a stamp to send it in.

Don't forget about merchandising! Nothing says Yuletide glee quite like a bloody "Trollsen Twins" tank. Perfect for everyone on your holiday shopping list, really.

Ooh! Free downloads! Revel in this downright terrifying Trollsen twin banner for the website of your choosing.

Meet the Trollsen Twins [PETA]
Related:
Twin Targets [NYP]
PETA Launches Trollsens Website [Sassybella]