• Politico reports that what may be the first statue of Barack Obama is set to go up in his old hometown of Jakarta. The 2-meter high statue will depict the President as a 10-year-old, and will be placed in Obama's old neighborhood at a corner of a playground. • Arlington, Tennessee Mayor Russell Wiseman has apologized for writing on his Facebook page that President Obama is a Muslim, and timed his speech on Afghanistan to block the Peanuts Christmas Special. Wiseman called it a "poor attempt at tongue-in-cheek humor amongst friends." • A Maryland woman reportedly kidnapped a pregnant homeless woman and attempted to cut out her baby using box cutters and a razor blade. The victim was held hostage for five days, during which time her attacker cut into her abdomen, exposing her placenta and intestines. The woman has since been hospitalized, and is expected to make a full recovery. Her newborn daughter is also in good condition. • The parents of Jessica Logan, who committed suicide last year, are suing several of Logan's classmates for circulating a nude picture of their daughter. They argue that Logan suffered from severe emotional distress after her peers sent around an explicit picture she took on her cellphone for her then-boyfriend. Further evidence that nude photos are not something every boy should receive. • A Muslim woman claims she was abused by a Christian hotelier because of her Islamic clothing. She says the British hotel-owners called her husband a "warlord," argued that her outfit - consisting of a hijab and gown - was a form of "bondage." •  Newsweek delves into the possible causes for the declining birth rate in Taiwan. Apparently, selfish women are to blame (aren't we always?). Too many Taiwanese ladies are focusing on their careers, pushing back marriage, and choosing not to spend all their money on having babies. • For the second year in a row, Boise, Idaho firefighters had to rescue a child who got his tongue stuck to a metal pole. The 10-year-old boy's tongue was bleeding a little after firefighters used a glass of warm water to free him, but at least he didn't shoot his eye out with a BB gun. •

1.) One Life to Live Does Grey Gardens
During a drunken daydream, one character on the soap imagined life as Edie Beale. They did a musical number, and the Costume of the Day speech, although the accent was way off.

2.) Joan Rivers on Live TV
I love that for her publicity tour for her new reality show, she keeps dropping F bombs on live television.

3.) Police Women Get Stuck With The Vagina Jobs

4.) Moe
Former Jezebel editor Moe Tkacik was on MSNBC on Tuesday morning, where she talked about the economy and possibly got hit on.

5.) Do You Remember the Time?
It was discovered that a 3000-year-old tomb of a mummified woman looks exactly like MJ.

6.) Lesbians Aren't Into Sausage Parties
Zing to you, Gordon Ramsey!

7.) Wasted Housewives of Atlanta
I love how drunk and loving NeNe and Kim got at their "let's be friends again" dinner.

8.) Who Pulled Tiger Woods' Finger?

9.) Do You Wanna Hear Someone From Chicago Pronounce "Coup d'état"?

10.) Why Am I So Obsessed With Her?
Her feigned modesty is one reason.

[New York, May 2. Image via INF]

Another is a project by acoustics professor Trevor Cox [ha.], whose website asks you to help identify the funniest whoopee cushion sound. Cox also designed the world's largest whoopee cushion, and British girl band The Saturdays sat on it. We love watching BBC types try to analyze the humor of the whoopee cushion, but what we're really interested in is this: how do you spell a fart noise? [BBC, Newslite, YouTube]

• Men's Health and Women's Health magazines have named Salt Lake City the healthiest city for women. • Operation Santa was (perhaps temporarily) shut down after a registered sex offender in Washington tried to partake in the "adopting" of Santa letters. • Mice revenge! A fire at a Canadian Humane Society that killed two kitties may have been caused by mice chewing on electrical wires. • Watch out "friends:" a CA Supreme Court ruled that a paralyzed woman can sue a buddy who helped pull the woman out of a car following an accident. • A Pennsylvania man was sentenced on Wednesday for calling a bomb threat on a high school to get his girlfriend out of class early. • The Pakistani government will commemorate the first anniversary of Benazir Bhutto's assassination with a limited 10-rupee coin. • Awesome: women who live in New York City live longer on average than New York men. • A woman in Boulder, Colorado who ran naked in the streets with a pumpkin on her head on Halloween escaped sex-offender status by accepting a plea deal on Thursday. • Heavy metal is making a quiet comeback in Egypt. • The Chessington Zoo in London had to issue an apology to guests after it fed its gorillas Brussels sprouts, which induce strong farts in the animals. • A new study reports that men who were sexually abused in childhood are ten times more likely to contemplate suicide. • Marie Douglas-David, a Swedish countess in the middle of divorce from United Technologies Chairman George David, claims she has $53,000 of weekly expenses (and this is after she has scaled back) that she wants her soon-to-be-ex-husband to cover. • Illinois officials discovered 69 rabbits in a one-bedroom apartment during a recent eviction. • In New York, a young store clerk returned a granny's discarded $1 million-winning lottery ticket after she asked him to throw it away. • A new study claims that the older a father is when his child is born, the more likely that child will have autism, lower IQs and/or poor social abilities. • A recent study says that dumber Scottish soldiers were more likely to survive WWII than their more intelligent counterparts. • The first British baby to be genetically screened and cleared from the breast cancer gene will be born next week. • A special online promotion from Sony BMG Music Entertainment allows users to sing a duet with Elvis. • For men who love literary ladies, poetry and garter belts there is now the Poetry Brothel in NYC. • Sam Davies, a British yachtswoman, left her solo round-the-world race to rescue a badly injured French competitor who was stuck at sea. • A man in China held his girlfriend out of a third-story window and then held her hostage at knifepoint until police overtook him. •

I had just finished eating take-out BBQ (pork ribs) with my fiancé (still hate that word), and had given some of the scraps to my dog because I knew it would be the most exciting part of her week. We were laying in bed watching TV and I got smacked in the face with this horrible, hot fart that was so disgusting that it barely seemed possible that it was even organic. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye to see if he was gonna mention it, but he just kept staring straight ahead at the television. A few minutes later, another, more lethal one arrived. This time, I got up and walked over to the other side of the room and pretended to look for something in my purse. He obviously didn't want to talk about what was going on with his ass, and I thought that since he was too embarrassed to talk about it, it would be even more more embarrassing for me to confront him on it. And I figured that if the smell was any indication, he must be in severe stomach pain.

Thirty minutes and about 15 more incidents like that later I started to get really annoyed. The farts were getting worse and more frequent, and it felt like they were altering the temperature in the room... and the stench was such that it was literally clouding my ability to complete a crossword puzzle. Finally, after another bomb was dropped, I slammed my book down in annoyance and looked at him. In a super bitchy tone I was like, "It stinks in here."

Then he said, "I know. I think Edie [the dog] is farting like crazy." I was like, "Wait, that's not you!?"

He said, "No way! I thought it was you, because I know you just got your period and you have diarrhea and I felt bad for you at first but then I realized that this is so bad that it can't be human." My heart warmed up like a pork-ribs dog fart at the idea that he 1.) knows that I get diarrhea on the first day of my period and 2.) he accepts it as a way of life. We kicked the dog out of the room and locked the door.

The moral of the story is that if we hadn't been so polite to each other, we wouldn't have had to sit in unimaginable stink for a good portion of the night. The problem though, is that farting, accidental spitting, hanging boogers, stinking up the bathroom, etc. are such taboo topics that even etiquette experts are too polite to discuss solutions for how to deal with such situations, so we're left to our own devices to make it up as we go along.

The silver lining is that now I'm mulling over my own etiquette rule for this (not just with my fiancé but with anyone that's stinking up the room with their asses): Ask the person you're with, in a really sympathetic way, furrowed brow and all, if they are feeling alright. Coming off as understanding of a belly ache will diffuse some of the embarrassment, and will also give them the hint to either plug it up or leave the room when they have to release. Then everyone will be able to breathe a little easier.

Earlier: Kathie Lee And Hoda's 4th Hour Of Today Is So Bad It's (Almost) Good

[via BoingBoing]

Is Your Kid A Nose Picker? Cure Bad Habits [The Today Show]

I was kicking ass on the treadmill at the gym, and was totally in the zone. It was awesome! Then, it hit my nostrils like a bee smacking the glass door. Worse even, it was one of those thick stanky rotten egg laced with some skunk clouds that you can practically taste and my mouth was open. Major disgusting! I gagged some and had to put my towel over my nose and mouth until the fart twister moved to the south.

That description — "major disgusting" even by our pathetic standards — comes courtesy of Stephanie Quilao, the blogger behind the blog Back In Skinny Jeans. Stephanie was so repulsed by the fart she encountered, that instead of, you know, simply switching machines, she stuck around to try and figure out who the culprit was.

Directly next to me was a tiny zaftig Mexican woman about 5'2" about late 40's-early 50's. I wanna call her Rosa. Next to her one treadmill apart was a tall Black man about 6'1" about my dad's age who looked like he could be Bill Cosby's cousin on his dad's side. I'll call him Frank.

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Blowing Hot Air [OneDAtATime]
Who Farted On The Treadmill? [BackInSkinnyJeans]