#dirtbagafterdark

Obama Keeps Up With The Kardashians; Wife Says Hopper Threatened To Kill Her

• In what TMZ is billing as the "Decline of Western Civilization," Khloe Kardashian toured the White House and met President Obama today.

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Elin Stands By Tiger (And Fortune); Lohan Badmouths Gosselin In TLC Deposition

• Elin Nordgren isn't leaving Tiger Woods, but she is revising their prenup. A source claims she's "being paid a hefty seven-figure amount - immediately transferred into an account she alone controls - to stick with her husband."

#dirtbag

Kristen Meets Rob's Parents; Levi Talks About His "Alaskan Pipeline"

• Robert Pattinson took Kristen Stewart to a "secret" dinner with his parents. So secret that this Britloid knows about it!

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John Mayer Kisses Boy, Likes It; Ryan Left Out Of Farrah's Will

• John Mayer went to a gay club in Palm Springs on Saturday night. According to an eyewitness, a man approached him and "planted a big kiss right on his lips – and John seemed to enjoy it!"

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Victoria Beckham Visits Underprivileged Kids; Oprah Gets Her Facts Wrong

• Victoria Beckham put away her Hermes bags and Louboutins and wore shredded jeans and combat boots as she joined son Brooklyn and spent 2 days with impoverished children in Kentucky.

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Lindsay Asks For Restraining Order; Kristen Has Embarrassing Nickname For Rob

• Lindsay Lohan is taking legal action against Michael Lohan, who has been talking about kidnapping her and putting her in rehab. Her lawyer says she's seeking a restraining order and may file a defamation lawsuit against him. [TMZ]

#dirtbagafterdark

Lindsay, Audrina Robbed By Same People? Aniston "Feuding" With Tina Fey

• Police are investigating whether the people who robbed Lindsay Lohan are the same people who broke into Audrina Patridge's home in February. Male robbers in both cases looks similar and in both incidents the burglars walked in through unlocked doors.

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Gerard & Jen Get "Married"; Lindsay's "Incriminating" Videos Stolen?

• Gerard Butler had to shoot a wedding photograph with Jennifer Aniston as a prop for their characters in The Bounty. Gerard says:

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Lily Cries On Stage; Brad Joins Sherlock Cast

• Lily Allen was performing in Helsinki, Finland when she burst into tears. Before the show, she Tweeted:

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Renée & Bradley Play Grab-Ass; Emmy Rossum's Secret Divorce

• Renée Zellweger and Bradley Cooper are so on. How on are they?

Vanity Fair's Farrah Profile Essentially A Ryan O'Neal Tell-All

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Jennifer's Birthday Tantrum; Jon Gosselin's "Single"

• Jennifer Lopez "threw a fit" when guests were late to her 40th birthday bash:

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Hailey Glassman Gushes About Jon Gosselin; Kiefer's Cleared Of Headbutting Charges

• Hailey Glassman says her love affair with Jon Gosselin is filled with laughter, home cooked dinners and romantic games of ping pong, but, "If you had told me a few months ago, I wouldn't have believed you."

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Lindsay's Enraged; Love Hewitt's Engaged

• According to this report, Samantha Ronson went out with Sopranos actress Drea De Matteo last night, got into a fight with Lindsay Lohan about it, and threw LL's clothes out into the street.

#dirtbagafterdark

Mischa Barton Under Psychiatric Observation; Deadly Accident At Madonna Concert

• Yesterday afternoon the police were called to Mischa Barton's home to help with a "medical issue." Now a source says she's been placed under involuntary psychiatric hold.

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Jen & Courteney On The Rocks; Amy Gets Divorced

• Is Jennifer Aniston and Courteney Cox's friendship in trouble? A source says:

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Tony Dumps Jess; Becks Won't Pose With Angie

• Tony Romo broke up with Jessica Simpson the night before her 29th birthday on July 10, which is especially tragic because she had planned a Barbie and Ken themed party.

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Beth & Kate Make Beautiful Music; Michael's Secret Girlfriend

• Kate Moss and Beth Ditto performed an "impromptu duet" at a club last night — singing "Space Oddity" by David Bowie. Guess who thought they did a great job? Simon Cowell. [The Sun]

This Week In Tabloids: Dead Bodies, Beach Bodies, Weddings & Monkeys

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Lindsay's Birthday Cash; Angelina Earns More Than Jen

• Lindsay Lohan turns 23 tomorrow, but she's allegedly already been paid $70,000 by the MGM Grand for hosting an all-day "pre-celebration" in Las Vegas last Saturday.

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SJP's Twins, Britney's New Look, Chris Brown's Sorta-Apology

• Here's the first picture of Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick with their new twins, Marion and Tabitha Broderick. Big brother James, are you ready for double trouble? [TMZ]