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Dear Abby
The In-Laws: Other Women Are Supposedly Our Worst Enemies
New York, 2:17 AM
Sun Nov 29
17 posts in the last 24 hours
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Dear Abby |
The In-Laws: Other Women Are Supposedly Our Worst Enemies |
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11/13/09
11/13/09
It's their money. It's not yours. You didn't earn it. You're not entitled to it. If they want to spend their waning years on expensive spa vacations or experimental arthritis treating hypnosis, it's not your place to tell them that they're wasting your money. Because it's theirs! #dearabby
11/13/09
That was one of the things that made me the nuttiest in college. None of my friends had to have jobs thanks to their parents' good fortune, hard work, and generosity. Because of it, many of them because brats. One of my friends had a car bought for him by his mother unexpectedly and threw a fit because it wasn't a color he wanted. What? Who does that?
Your boyfriend's money is not yours. If your sibling hits the lottery they are not required to give you anything. If your parents want to spend their last penny on something for themselves instead of leaving you any, that is their business.
In short: Get a job, punks!
11/13/09
I got super duper death ray eyes once when I challenged a trust fund friend who made some snotty remarks about people who rely on government assistance. "Yeah, that sucks when people don't work for their money. Working for your money is having a dead grandpa who owned a bunch of banks in the 1960's and wrote you into the will. That takes good old fashioned hard work." #dearabby
11/13/09
His reason? They should have put more money into savings. I suppose instead of sending him to college, since that actually is where the money went!
At the same time, there are a lot of people really hurt by their parents growing up, and I don't feel like they are obligated to help them. But if you are going to give unasked for opinions to the people who are funding it? You should probably put your money where your mouth is and stop sending them $1000 shit they don't want! #dearabby
11/13/09
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11/13/09
I'm of the opinion that if your parents paid for you to get through school and have provided you with emotional support as an adult, then it's pretty heartless to abandon them when they need you to help them care for themselves. #dearabby
11/13/09
What was really aggravating? My uncle's wife who kept insisting that my mother was taking "what was rightfully theirs!" She not only didn't take anything, she turned down what my G'ma left her in her will to appease her brothers - who'd done NOTHING to support their parents. There wasn't a lot left thanks to end of life nursing care.
So Mom made no income (except for the ocassional freelance gig doing drapes or pillows), was at her folks beck and call, and had to listen to her mother go on and on about how her youngest sister was just a paragon. She married very well and gram was a bit shallow. That aunt's daughter got all gram's good diamond/platinum jewelry - and this still burns, mostly because they can afford to buy anything they want. My gradmother actually asked me for sterling and crystal stuff back that she'd given me when I was 16 to give to the same daughter, but I told her I treasured it and wore it so she dropped the subject, or I'd have nothing of hers. I never told Mom - it would have hurt her to know.
ANYWHO - after all of that tending and sucking it up, my mom was accused of trying to steal her older brother's "inheritance" by his wife. I doubt I'll ever be able to spend any time with that aunt again.
My mother got nothing - the kids had all helped buy their parent's house so they could live mortgage free in their dotage. My parents contribution to the fund was for nothing because she was NOT inclined to fight them - so my uncles and the "married well" aunt (all of which are better off than my widowed Mom - who lost my Dad during this same time period) got a huge return on their investment when the house sold (more than a 1/4 of a million - lakeside double lot in FL) while my mother got nothing.
She did have the satisfaction of knowing her mother was cared for well - in her own home - during the last days (6 MNTHS) of her life.
It really made me love my mother so much more watching her rise above this mess. You can bet I'll smother her quickly when her time comes. #dearabby
11/13/09
12/01/08
12/01/08
12/01/08
Every conversation goes like this:
Me: What time do you want us to come over?
Her: Oh, anytime is fine!
Me: How about in the morning?
Her: Um, well, OK, it's just that I have so much work to do in the morning and I have to go to the dry cleaners...
Me: OK, how about after babyblue's nap, say around 4?
Her: Whenever works best for you. Anytime is fine - really. Don't worry, I'll just rearrange my dentist's appointment. My tooth only hurts in the morning anyway.
Me: Would it be better if we came over another day?
Her: Well, if you don't want to come over...I don't want to be a bother...I know you're busy....It's just that I rarely get to see babyblue....I hope he doesn't forget who I am....
Makes me want to SCREAM!!!!
But overall, I know that I'm not too bad off.
12/01/08
12/01/08
12/01/08
Me: What time do you want us to come over?
Her: Oh, anytime is fine!
Me: OK, We'll be over at 11.
Her: Um, well, OK, it's just that I have so much work to do in the morning and I have to go to the dry cleaners...
Me: OK, 12 then. See you later! >Click<
12/01/08
12/01/08
Y'all are dealing with a bunch of Marie Barones in your lives. My condolences!
12/01/08
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12/01/08
Also, I will never forgive her for criticizing absolutely everything about our wedding reception plans, refusing to stand in the receiving line, openly expressing her homophobic distaste of our gay and lesbian friends who were in attendance, and leaving halfway through the reception (before our first dance and the cake was cut). Worst. Behavior. Ever.
12/01/08
I feel you on the bad wedding behavior. My MIL wore a miniskirt with a tight shirt CUT DOWN TO HER WAIST to my formal, evening wedding (she knew it was, and she is insanely wealthy, so it's not as though she couldn't afford a gown). She actually told one of the groomsmen that she hoped she didn't upstage me. Well, she did, but not in the way she hoped. I was fairly horrified by her utter lack of respect.
12/01/08
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12/01/08
My FIL is a misogynistic, egotistical hypoChristian. He cheated on my MIL, left her for the mistress, and used his family's political influence to never pay child support for his kids- even though he's wealthy- and on top of that treated them like crap. However, Mr.B despises the jerk so we almost never see him.
12/01/08
12/01/08
Over the years, I've gone from finding her infuriating to finding her miserable to learning to treat her like a wacky elderly relative who never says the right thing and has an uncanny knack for dispensing advice where it isn't needed. My priorities are turning her son into an adult who cleans up after himself, or at least who earns enough to pay someone else to do it, and making sure she doesn't turn my son into a helpless slob also. Oh, and obtaining her house. She has a terrific historic home. I want to be first in line to buy it when they decide to retire.
The thing that kills me is that her own daughter lives 6000 miles away and visits only every other year. And she never thought to herself, gee, maybe I shouldn't treat my son's wife in such a way that she'll want to do the same. Too late, lady.
12/01/08
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12/01/08
Me too! That describes my life to a t. My boy's chronic shyness has definitely proved itself to be a saving grace.
12/01/08
12/01/08
12/01/08
I recently had a tiff with my lova over this.
I came home and my apartment was clean, and my laundry was all folded. I really got pissed off, like I was furious.
Who the fuck are you to come in and clean my damn house! I took it as him saying, clearly you can't handle cleaning this apartment yourself I had better do it the right way.
After finally calming me down, he explained it to me like this.
It wasn't his way of saying I didnt do a good enough job, but he was simply HELPING. Just helping. That's it! I'm the type of person where I don't need help, I can do it thanks. It wasn't meant to make me feel bad, it was meant to make feel better. To take some stress out of my life. Not because I wasn't doing a good enough job, just because it was something he could help do to relieve some pressure in my life. I never really looked at it like that, I was to busy being defensive.
So, I say...fuck it! Let em help! Dont take it personally just enjoy it. (I hope some of this made sense, I'm doing 9 different things right now)
12/01/08
I don't know what's going on there, or if I grasp the situation, but if they're thinking they'll come over on his day off, do you think they just want to spend time with him, and are using the housework thing as an excuse or justification? Do they fear that he doesn't want to spend time with them for THEM, so they're making themselves "useful"? Or are they ol-skool, boys-don't-do-housework and that-young-wife-of-his-doesn't-treat-him-right types? (if so, maude help you!)
Obviously, you need to talk about this w/ Mister Rabbit, figure out what to do as a team, and then he needs to do the heaving lifting of the conversation with Mom and Nanna.
12/01/08
I've found over the years that it's best to just let it go. Your husband is already used to having his chores done for him; you can't save him from that now. Accept the help. Feel sorry for your MIL and her mother. They can't think of anything better to do on a free Tuesday. I guarantee you that after my children are grown, I will!
12/01/08
12/01/08
Those four years were hell.
She even told me when I was pregnant that I only got pregnant because my friend had had a child a year before. I guess she thought I wanted to be cool. Ha!
We have since split, and I'm happily engaged with a man whose family thinks me and my daughter have sunshine coming out of our asses. Which has made me feel like a million bucks.
Its amazing the power those in-laws have.
12/01/08
"Now, honey. You make sure your name is on EVERYTHIN'. Bank accounts, house, car, EVERYTHIN'. That's the mistake I made with his father."
I couldn't ask for better MIL. She's fabulous.