<![CDATA[Jezebel: family dynamics]]> http://tags.gawker.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/jezebel.com.png <![CDATA[Jezebel: family dynamics]]> http://jezebel.com/tag/familydynamics http://jezebel.com/tag/familydynamics <![CDATA[Feuding With Your Mother-In-Law? It's Probably Her Fault]]> Today GMA reported that in the mother/daughter-in-law relationship the "power struggle is very primal." While both should compromise, it's clear who the folks at GMA think is at fault. Let that be a comfort to you during passive-aggressive family festivities.

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<![CDATA[Family Secrets]]> If you've ever wondered at a dynamic that allows both mother and daughter to pursue competing careers as suspense-writers and also regularly collaborate, well, you'll get a charge out of NPR's interview with the Higgins-Clarks.

Carol, the youngest of four children, says it was helping type mother Mary's novels that inspired her own career. "That's really what got me into [writing], because I'd talk to her about the characters and the plot...It was great for me to learn about how to write." As to the inherent tension of writing in the same genre, Carol says, "Oh, we wouldn't steal from each other. We actually fax each other pages as we're working on our separate books, just to get feedback." Adds Mary, "You need fresh eyes you can count on to say, 'That's fine. What are you worried about?'" [NPR]

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<![CDATA[The Office: Your Job Is Like A Big, Unhappy Family!]]> Hate your boss? Maybe that's because he's a stand-in for your withholding dad. Competitive with a coworker? Obviously she reminds you of your little sister. According to a piece in today's Times, workplace relationships tend to mirror family (dys)function. Which means, basically, we're all screwed.

As people spend more and more time at the office, workplace relationships have grown closer and more fraught - in short, more family-like. An increasing number of companies are actively analyzing family dynamics to help manage office interactions. says one shrink,

Work is nothing more than an entirely complex set of relationships. You have partners that are your equals, subordinates, superiors...It’s parents and siblings. All of these dynamics that are exactly the same in the workplace, just the titles are different.”

As is so often the case, things come down to birth order:

Firstborns...tend to be fearful of losing their position and rank, so they may be extremely anxious at a time of layoffs and downsizing. Second-born children tend to be most adventurous and open to change, he said. In fact, [psychologist] Dr. Dattner said that companies he had worked with found that when sending employees overseas, second-born children tended to fare better than older ones. As the older of two daughters, Ms. Frankel said she sometimes feels competitive with Ms. Delio, which reminds her of competing with her sister for their parents’ attention.

Of course, as a composition teacher might say, where's the "so what?" To a degree, all interaction can probably be reduced to familial dynamics - which in turn can likely be explained by some biological imperative. At its worst, can overanalysis of this kind of pre-determining absolve us of adult responsibility? And to a certain degree, isn't what they're describing, at the end of the day, just your "personality?" For the most part, it seems moot: I'm scared of losing my job not because I'm the elder of two, but because we're in a recession; probably any responsible employee craves a boss's approval. What's more interesting is the degree to which an office life can allow someone to break out of his or her assigned roles, building new relationships and dynamics that in a sense give you a chance to do it better. To be crassly pop cultural, Don Draper may be a philanderer in the suburbs, but his commitment to his job is unstinting; where the character of Peggy may be one of a large crowd at home, her experience with dealing with a lot of people allows her to navigate the work "family" and promote herself. To the extent awareness of your proclivities makes you better able to harness them, I suppose this kind of knowledge is useful. But to the extent the formality of an office setting imposes structure and a certain professional courtesy, it seems like that, conversely, can inform home life. Those of us who work from home can just morph into spoiled only children and throw tantrums...with no one to hear.

Family and Office Roles Mix [New York Times]

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