Jezebel: Fake Boobs

I Love Money Is The Root Of All Schadenfreude

Slut Machine — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 12:00:00 EDT

I Love Money, VH1's new show in which cast members from Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, and I Love New York compete for cash, was pretty much everything it promised to be: Trashy, gross, awesome. In this clip, from the first episode, Pumkin, an alum from the first Flavor of Love — whose biggest contribution to pop culture, thus far, has been hocking a loogie on New York during elimination — says that if she wins the money in question, she will get boob job to fit in. This statement might be sarcastic, but it's questionable as to whether she has a grasp on how to even structure a joke like that. Anyway, this leads to a verbal altercation in which one girl calls her a "saggy boob sock." Also, Pumkin's nipple is exposed for pretty much the entire time. Classy!

People Who Pressure You Into Getting Breast Implants Aren't Your Real Friends

Slut Machine — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 16:40:00 EDT

An episode of MTV's True Life reran today called "I'm Under Peer Pressure" and one of the subjects featured was Nikki, a 23-year-old waitress at Hooters who feels that her flat chest might be holding her back in terms of making tips... and her overall confidence as a woman. Her friends, who happen to be fellow waitresses at Hooters and also happen to have their own sets of fake breasts, seem really invested in the idea of Nikki getting implants, and even have a pow wow with her, to convince her how great it'll be for her. In the end, she caves. Clip above.

Heidi Montag Talks About Fake Tits, Fake Reality Show On The View

Slut Machine — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 13:00:00 EDT

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt were guests on The View this morning. Spencer mainly kept quiet, but Heidi talked about everything from her plastic surgery to her income to her "breakup" with Lauren Conrad (ugh, so bored with that one). Barbara Walters told Heidi that she's in the wrong business, whatever that means (we think that Heidi is in the perfect business, since she makes piles of dough doing seemingly nothing, like getting paid $100K to "show up" at events). Later, she put on a show of pieces from her Heidiwood fashion line, which she says is selling like hot cakes. If it's such a big part of her life, isn't it weird that her "reality" show never mentions it? Clip above.

Easy Curves: The Long, Hard Object Made For Bouncing Breasts

Slut Machine — Tue, 06 May 2008 14:20:00 EDT

Easy Curves is a phallic piece of plastic that is supposed to make breasts higher, larger, firmer, and "more centered" (???), and is being advertised pretty regularly on TV. (Seriously, I could not get through a Top Model marathon this weekend without seeing boob commercials every few minutes.) Easy Curves is sorta like a cross between a night stick and the Thigh Master and, as you'll see in the commercial above, it makes breasts dance from side to side for a "natural look." (Despite the fact that most of the chicks in the ad are pumped full of silicone.) For just $9.99 you get the boob stick, "an exclusive guide to a sexy bustline," 10 secrets to looking your best, and essential "boost" vitamins for women. As one woman in the commercial says, "There's no greater feeling than to be able to get into a bathing suit and feel good walking down the beach." Clearly this woman does not own a good vibrator.

Loose Lips

Jessica — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 17:40:00 EDT

Cynthia Nixon talked about having breast cancer for the first time publicly this morning. She had an operation to remove the cancer, along with radiation treatment, back in 2006. She is now cancer-free, and tells Good Morning America that she kept it quiet because, "I didn't want paparazzi at the hospital." • Paris Hilton is talking smack about Kim Kardashian's assets. During an interview with a Las Vegas radio station this morning, Paris said, "Gross. I would not want [Kim's ass]...it reminds me of cottage cheese inside a big trash bag." Later, she took back her insults to In Touch. "I was just joking around...I felt really bad afterward, so I contacted Kim and apologized. It was a silly thing to say. Kim's hot!" • Desperate Housewives' Jesse Metcalf allegedly bought ex-girlfriend, Playboy playmate Colleen Shannon, a set of new breasts. Some nice earrings wouldn't suffice? [Us, Dlisted, TMZ]

The Rock Of Love 2 Finale: Who Will Touch Bret's Backstage Pass?

Slut Machine — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 21:00:00 EDT

So tonight is the season finale of Rock of Love 2. Jeez, time flies when you're watching strippers and out-of-work actresses battle it out for the attention of a man with more weave tracks and under-eye concealer than them. After all these weeks, it's come down to two women: The blonde with fake tits and the blonde with real tits. Who will it be!?!?!? Let's watch and find out. (BTW, Ambre totally has this one in the bag.)

10:30 It's taking forever for this shit to load: http://www.ambrelake.com/

10:28 So how long do you think this fake relationship with Ambre will last? I bet they aren't even together at the reunion next week. Fuck, they better not be. I want a third season!

10:26 Desperation and fear is not a good look on Ambre. her whole face is sweaty and shaking.

10:21 The fact that Bret constantly refers to "rock of love" as though it's an actual phrase that people use never ceases to entertain me.

10:19 Has anyone else seen The Ruins? (Great movie, btw.) Bret looks like he just walked out of the tomb where the poison plant lives. Wait...poison! Ha!

10:12 In these reflective shots on the beach, Bret looks like my school bus driver from when I was in grade school. She was a woman. Sort of.

10:10 It's weird when Bret and everyone talk about his "lifestyle." What kind of crazy lifestyle could he possibly have, considering his diabeedus?

10:00 I saw an ad for Maid of Honor on the side of a bus a few weeks ago, and I joked that it was probably the same plot as My Best Friend's Wedding but with gender reversal. Turns out it is! Also, so that's what Dwayne Wayne's been up to. Huh!

9:55 Ha! I really hope the girls realize that Bret has given them the same necklace.

9:52 Kudos to Bret for kissing Daisy after she puked. Although something about him leads me to believe that he doesn't do the same after a girl gives him a BJ.

9:46 Seriously, how many girls have puked while on a date with Bret?

9:41 It's kinda telling that Daisy isn't really good at the whole mean girl thing. She's too nice or something.

9:40 Side not: Ew! Did you see Hal Sparks in that magician commercial? Why is he doing that with his hair?

9:35 WHOA! Ambre is showing Bret her vagina! When do you think he'll show her his?

9:34 Does Ambre seriously think that Bret picked that charm necklace out for her himself? Or that it wasn't provided for free by a sponsor.

9:32 I don't understand why Ambre keeps saying that Daisy is being ugly. Wasn't Daisy just confronting Ambre for belittling her in front of Bret.

9:29 I truly wonder what Daisy was doing all day while Ambre was on her date with Bret. My best guess is trying on outfits.

9:21 Thanks AndYourLittleDogToo. I was totally spelling Ambre's name wrong. Well, actually, I was spelling it correctly. She's the one that's spelling it wrong.

9:17 Hahahaha. I love how Ambre is saying that she feels so sexy, meanwhile she has last night's eyeliner on, her legs are cut up, and her rosacea is showing around her mouth.

9:10 I'm not into Ambre. I don't like how she tries to cut Daisy down. Also, she's such a fake-y actress wannabe. But at the same time, this is a fake-y dating show, so I guess that's fitting.

9:04 Bret seems to love bringing the girls to real spring break type places, like Cancun and Cabo. It's wonderfully inappropriate because he and Ambre could have children old enough to be on spring break, and I'm fairly certain that Daisy hasn't gone to college.

9:00 Oh, and I totally forgot that Ambre wasn't even supposed to stay after the first episode. That Jersey-type brunette left and Ambre got to stay in her place.

Dolly Parton Is Looking Scary Skinny

Slut Machine — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 13:30:00 EDT

We love the crap out of Dolly Parton, and she was totally cute as the mentor on last night's American Idol, but we have to say we're a little bit worried about her. First she had to postpone her tour because of back problems from her large breasts. Then, when we watched the extra interviews with Dolly on American Idol's website, she looked thinner than ever. In her autobiography, Dolly: My Life and Other Unfinished Business, she admits to a dieting technique of chewing food, then spitting it out. Dolly, please swallow! We don't want your life to be finished business! After the jump, a still picture of her looking frail.

Earlier: Dollly Parton Enthusiasts Give New Meaning To the Word "Fanatic"

Heidi Montag, Heaving Breasts Star In Music Video

Slut Machine — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 14:30:00 EST

Above is a clip of Heidi Montag's video for her new single "Higher"; the video was shot by her boyfriend and sometime fiancé Spencer Pratt. It's hard for us to decide which we love to hate more: Spencer in front of the camera or Spencer behind.

This is a billboard ad for breast implants ...

Slut Machine — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 18:30:00 EST

This is a billboard ad for breast implants that someone took a picture of and posted to his Flickr account. Interestingly, the Flickr user writes: "[This is] a billboard seen in the middle of nowhere between Morongo Valley and 29 Palms. I stopped the car, scratched my head, and snapped a photo. We finally decided the target demographic must be soldiers on their way to and from the many military installations in the desert?" Because who would want to go all the way to the Middle East without the promise of bigger tits for all when they get back? [AdRants]

Some Girls Don't Mind When Their Bosses Compliment Their Breasts

Slut Machine — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 15:30:00 EST

Two of the daughters of The Real Housewives of Orange County are OC Angels — a group of blonde chicks in skimpy outfits who work as a promotional street team for OC Energy Drink. Lindsey is one of the Angels, and her dad's company developed the beverage. Her dad, however, died a few months ago (leaving her and her sister up a financial shit creek with no paddle), so some other guys at the company have kindly taken over such pressing responsibilities, like taking the girls shopping at a place called Teenie Bikini, where they make remarks about the girls' breast sizes, and try to coax them out of the dressing room, so they can get a better look. Clip from last night's episode, above.

Plastic 'Playboy' Bunny Holly Madison Is Looking For A Natural Woman

Jennifer — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 18:30:00 EDT

Hugh Hefner's girlfriend Holly Madison (well, one of them) has finally got what she's been lusting after for all these years! No, not a Hugh Hefner baby or a wedding ring. An official position in the photo department at Playboy. And you know what? She deserves it! After begging Hef for an internship, Holly got down and dirty, hauling costumes around and art-directing her own photo spreads. [Not to mention, sleeping with uh, Hugh Hefner. -Ed.] Now, Holly says she's going to use her powers as photography professional for the good of the Playboy readers:

I think readers are sick of seeing the same cookie-cutter blondes. I'm looking for natural bodies. I pay attention to what readers write in - and they do like to see diversity.

We'll believe it when we see it but it is heartening that a woman who essentially bought her body says she wants to fill the pages of Playboy with "real" women.

Diversity Search [NY Post]

Keira Knightley's Chanel Knockoffs

Jennifer — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 15:00:00 EDT

Keira Knightley, that poor English ruffian scooped up by Chanel to shill for Coco Mademoiselle fragrance because of her charming flaws? Well, she may have just been a little too flawed for Chanel Beauty artistic director Jacques Helleu. Apparently, the breasts — nay, body! — on display in the Chanel ad were not Keira's own. Says Keira:

Those things certainly weren't mine

Well done, Keira. Way to speak up for you flat-chested sisters! Also, memo to Lindsay Lohan: "Those aren't my breasts" is a much more believable line than "Those aren't my pants."

Keira's Up-Front Over Ad [News.com.au]
Earlier: Dear Keira Knightley: Don't Be Deceived — Chanel Thinks You're Fugly