15. Russian Glamour, June 2009
Beyoncé's skin looked digitally darkened on the cover of Russian Glamour — and the editors had a guide! A magazine called Joy used the same shot in December 2007. Was something lost in translation? Save your "black Russian" jokes until the end.

14. L'Oreal, August 2008
Beyoncé's skin seemed very light in ads for Feria haircolor. One theory: she was washed out by the strong lighting usually used in shooting hair.

13. Vogue, November 2009
The cast of Nine is chock-full of gorgeous women, but this shot is a mindscramble of random rays of sunlight in hair and dresses with edges so sharp they look like they're for paper dolls. As I wrote in October: "I'm guessing [Annie] Leibovitz shot them each separately and then did a composite, but when you have a person who doesn't cast a shadow on the lady next to her, then that person is a vampire." Poor Kate Hudson looks like she was slapped on as an afterthought.

12. Complex, April/May 2009
Kim Kardashian's waist was cinched, her thighs were slimmed, her skin skin smoothed out and her hairline was cleaned up. Plus, her head appears to be a different shape in the "after" image. Who would have thought a skull could be made "sexier"?

11. Self, September 2009
Kelly Clarkson's "Total Body Confidence" came from digitally slimming her waist and behind. Two Self editors explained that the cover: "is not, as in a news photograph, journalism. It is, however, meant to inspire women to want to be their best."

10. King Arthur poster, 2004
Movie marketers felt they must, they must, they must increase the bust. Ironically, Keira Knightley told the Guardian that she lost her chest, doing archery and preparing for the role:

To fight, convincingly, shoulder to shoulder, she had to do that thing that is so de rigueur, which is totally to change your body shape. "I was about three times the size I am now. It worried me, but it was cool, it was a body that was doing what it should do. I haven't got a clue because I don't weigh myself, but it was all muscle and I was big. My neck disappeared. My chest flattened even more. It wasn't the most feminine thing in the world, but it worked for the part, because there was strength there, and it was needed."

Of course, Hollywood can't imagine a world in which people would see a movie starring an athletic, flat-chested woman. So a digital boob job followed.

9. Redbook, July 2007
The crazy thing about the Faith Hill Redbook cover is not that it was Photoshopped — it's that this is the standard amount of digital altering that goes into a cover. Unlike some true Photoshop disasters, there are no alarming mistakes here to tip you off. That makes it easy to accept the retouched image without even blinking. Faith Hill is a beautiful woman. But she needed 11 different kinds of alterations before she could be on the cover of Redbook. What a world.

8. Campari calendar, 2008
Jessica Alba: Just another woman whose real body wasn't good enough. In this case, her waist needed to be nipped in so she could shill liquor.

7. Vogue, May 2008
RoboGwyneth looks like a robot, or an alien, depending on whom you ask. One thing is for sure: Her head and neck are not in the same space-time continuum.

6. Redbook, June 2003
Jennifer Aniston's head was placed on to Jennifer Aniston's body — from another photo shoot. At the time, her publicist, Steven Huvane, said: "It's a combination of three pictures. If you're going to do it, then at least match her head up to her body, and make the neck look like it belongs to her. I still can't figure out which exact picture the face came from." A Redbook spokeswoman downplayed the changes: "The only things that were altered in the cover photo were the color of her shirt and the length of her hair, very slightly, in order to reflect her current length."

The neck does look alarmingly unreal, and her head and waist are out of sync somehow. Angelina is surely to blame.

5.Redbook, July 2003
The month after the Aniston debacle, Redbook was at it again: According to USA Today, "[Julia's] head comes from a paparazzi shot taken at the 2002 People's Choice awards. Her body, meanwhile, is from the Notting Hill movie premiere [in 1999]." Julia's publicist, Marcy Engelman, said, at the time: "It's a shame they didn't use the body that went with the head, because it was a great Giorgio Armani pantsuit (that she wore to the People's Choice awards)."

4. Newsweek, March 2005
The editors used Martha's head and a model's body, because Ms. Stewart was still in jail when the issue was being put together. It wasn't supposed to be a photograph, anyway, it was art: "The piece that we commissioned was intended to show Martha as she would be, not necessarily as she is,'' Lynn Staley, assistant managing editor at Newsweek, told The New York Times. Staley acknowledged that the cover carried a disclaimer: ''In this case, we identified this piece as a photo illustration." As Martha would say, it's a "good thing" you did.

3. Seventeen, May 2003
Think about all the Buffy plots which could have been orchestrated around Sarah Michelle Gellar's weird wrist appendage over there on the left, if her arm actually looked like that.

2. GQ, February 2003.
Some people saw Titanic over and over again — but they never saw those legs, on the left. Kate Winslet was pissed about being trimmed down on this cover, saying:

"The retouching is excessive. I do not look like that and more importantly I don't desire to look like that. I actually have a Polaroid that the photographer gave me on the day of the shoot… I can tell you they've reduced the size of my legs by about a third. For my money it looks pretty good the way it was taken."

1. Ralph Lauren Blue Label ad, October 2009
In which model Filippa Hamilton was turned into a string of spaghetti.

#10: "8 Days Of Christmas" By Destiny's Child
Year: 2001

If you're a female pop star making a Christmas video, you really have no choice but to wear a sexy Santa costume, so let's ignore the fact that Michelle is frolicking in the snow in a midriff-baring top. Like many Destiny's Child songs, "8 Days of Christmas" focuses on the exchange of goods and services between you and your "baby." While some say Christmas is about spending time with your loved ones, according to Destiny's Child. nothing "feels like Christmas" more than gift certificates, diamond belly rings, and a "crop jacket with dirty denim jeans."

#9: "Christmas in Hollis" By Run-DMC
Year: 1987

Most of the videos on this list are unintentionally ridiculous, but here Run-DMC purposely turns cheesiness into a thing of beauty. In this video we learn that Santa's base of operations is in the basement of a TV studio, he decides who's naughty or nice on a modified Simon Says, and that Run, DMC, and Jay grew up in a house constructed entirely out of cardboard.

#8: "Where Are You Christmas" By Faith Hill
Year: 2000

In this video from the How The Grinch Stole Christmas soundtrack, Faith Hill belts out a holiday power ballad while sporting crimped hair and a furry jacket that makes her look like the Abominable Snow Monster. Faith's howling and fist pounding really capture the pathos of Jim Carrey being trapped in a giant rubber Grinch suit. The video includes a cameo by Gossip Girl's Taylor Momsen, but it would be much more entertaining if the Grinch took the red straps from Faith's giant belt and made her pull his sleigh instead of the dog.

#7: "This Christmas" By Chris Brown
Year: 2007

Even if you forget everything you know about Chris Brown, this video is still horrifying. Unless the movie This Christmas is about Chris harnessing his Jedi powers, there's no reason for him to be turning on lights or breaking into people's houses with his mind. Plus, the last thing anyone wants to wake up to on Christmas morning is three Chris Browns doing a Michael Jackson impersonation in the middle of their street.

#6: "Wonderful Christmas Time" By Paul McCartney
Year: 1979

Paul and Linda McCartney look like they're having fun in this video, but why does their simply wonderful Christmas time include them crashing to Earth in a giant Rubik's Cube? This video must have been created the week after the editor figured out how to do computer animation — that's the only reasonable explanation for Paul singing a duet with his CGI twin and allowing his band to be trampled by a pack of phantom horses.

#5: "Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy" By David Bowie and Bing Crosby
Year: 1977

Though this duet was filmed for Bing Crosby's Merrie Olde Christmas, for some reason David Bowie gets an original song while Bing Crosby is stuck with the "pa rum pa pum pum"s on Little Drummer Boy. But what makes this video cheesy isn't the song, it's the setup. Are we really supposed to believe that Bing has a relative named "Sir Percival"? And why doesn't David Bowie own his own piano? At least one part rings true: If we had to pick the two stars most likely to break into song with a perfect stranger, it would be Bing and Bowie.

#4: "Little Drummer Boy" By RuPaul
Year: 1993

Bing and Bowie have nothing on RuPaul's version of "Little Drummer Boy," which features a beggar drumming a funky beat, lady shepherds singing backup, and the Star of Bethlehem wedged in a foot-high wig. The best part is when RuPaul struts over to Baby Jesus, though it seems this part got cut from the gospels.

#3: "Hey Santa" By Carnie & Wendy Wilson
Year: 1993

This video starts with Carnie Wilson getting glass shards from a snow globe blown into her eyes, and grows more unsettling from there. Behind-the-scenes on the most unsafe music video set ever, we see the director getting electrocuted, beating a little person with a candy cane, and throwing Santa into the Christmas tree. Finally, Wendy chokes him and tries to leave his body behind the couch while Carnie continues to whine about Santa bringing her boyfriend home for Christmas. Hey Santa... Watch out, it's a trap!

#2: "Winter Wonderland" By Ozzy Osbourne and Jessica Simpson
Year: 2003

In this video from The Osbournes' Family Christmas Special Jessica Simpson dons her most festive halter top for some yuletide fun with the Prince of Darkness. This includes cuddling by the fire sans Sharon, building an anatomically correct snowman, and Ozzy throwing a snowball in Jess' mouth.

While we don't recommend playing this song when children or small dogs are in earshot, it still isn't Jess' worst Christmas duet ever. That would be the "Little Drummer Boy" sing-off in which she's pitted against her little sister Ashlee Simpson (and Ashlee's old nose).

#1: "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays" By 'N Sync
Year: 1998
Being named the cheesiest anything isn't a tall order for 'N Sync, but it seems they went out of their way to embarrass themselves in this video. That's where Gary Coleman comes in. His presence raises so many questions, like where would one buy a child-size green vinyl pimp suit? And how long has he had the ability to summon 'N Sync by snapping his fingers?

In the clip, the boys are given the simple task of filling in for Santa, but due to their love of freak dancing they fail miserably. 'N Sync's green screen adventure begins with them handing out gifts to extras who, judging from the strategically placed dirt smudges, are supposed to be homeless. 'N Sync projects holiday greetings on the wall in several languages, since the boys think most bums are ethnic-types. After deserting their homeless brethren and changing into clothes that are three sizes too big, 'N Sync happens upon a group of children abandoned in their living room and brings them to an adult party as their kiddie entourage. It's particularly troubling when you consider what type of gift Justin Timberlake likes to put in those boxes.

Lee Ann Womack: comfortingly 80s-retro amid all this sleek elegance.


Kelly Pickler embraces the glitter trend to stunning, deco effect!


Robin Roberts may not be reinventing the wheel, but sometimes "Lady in Red" elegance is hard to top.


LeAnn Rimes also rocks bombshell - and works it. (Even after Labor Day.)


Kind of in awe of how totally balls-out Martina McBride's Grecian-princess-infanta-Barbie fantasia is!


This level of understated chic may disappoint those secretly hoping for hairspray and sequins - but it's hard to argue with Faith Hill.


Kimberly Williams Paisley (she's married to country singer Brad) goes slightly Haight - but keeps it totally elegant. Can we get some sequins?!


Thank you, Reba - even if this is concert-hall-understated.


Vintage Nicole Kidman: empire-waisted and vivid. Personally, I love. (Beside the middle-school nails.) What say you?


Seriously: Sugarland's Jennifer Nettles is totally Oscar-ready. In fact, screw the Oscars; the CMAs are apparently where it's at.


While minis and pansies aren't exactly what we had in mind, Ashley Monroe's getup is still - although. technically, ill-judged - a welcome hit of festivity!


I love that Taylor Swift has made high-glam Glinda her thing, casting herself as a beautiful, innocent Good Witch! And this is flat-out lovely.


Hm. Michelle Branch's space-age Egyptian Shumba is not the sort of glitz we had in mind - although a hit of color is refreshing.


I'm still getting used to the "Klimt" trend, as we know, but Carrie Underwood is balm to my glitter-hungry soul!


Wow, even the normally gaudy Nancy O'Dell has toned it down and classed it up. (Yes, I still hold Wendy/Austin against her.)


Am seriously considering forcing bridesmaids to wear exact replicas of Diana DeGarmo's frock - because I can. But don't know if I can afford the karmic price.


Normally, Patricia Heaton, legs or cleavage is a good rule of thumb. But hey, go for it.


If loving Hillary Scott's Grecian is wrong, I don't want to be right. (She's of Lady Antebellum.)


Jimmy Dickens keeps it real.


The Future.

[Images via Getty]

• Sonia Rykiel will be H&M's next guest designer. Her first collection of lingerie will be in stores in December and her knitwear and accessories collection will be available in February. [WWD]

• Donald Fisher, founder of The Gap, died of cancer yesterday at 81. He served as the company's chief executive from 1969 to 1995 and remained chairmen until 2004. [WSJ]
• The San Francisco Museum of Modern Art will exhibit 1,100 works of art collected by Gap founders Donald and Doris Fisher, including pieces by Warhol, Lichtenstein and de Kooning. [Reuters]
• Kate Moss is joining the Performing Rights Society, which protects UK musicians and songwriters' rights. This may mean boyfriend Jamie Hince of The Kills is finally going to let her sing with him, even though he wouldn't let her perform with the band last year. [The Sun]
• "I Want To Hold Your Handbag": Comme des Garcons and Aplle Corps Ltd. are teaming up to launch a line of Beatles handbags, which will debut in November. [WWD]
• Christian Audigier is considering investing $7.3-$14.7 million in Club Med. Hopefully the deal won't include Jon Gosselin hosting anymore pool parties. [Reuters]
• Sources say Tom Ford is definitely trying to find funding to launch a women's wear collection in fall 2011. [WWD]
• Rumors that Mark Fast is doing a line for Topshop are true, according to a profile in last week's Sunday Telegraph magazine. [Fashionista]
• Agent Provocateur has made a comic book called "New World Order: Mission To Earth" featuring semi-nude caped crusaders. [Racked]
• Faith Hill Parfums is using print ads, webisodes in which Hill answers questions on the theme, "The Beauty of Being a Woman," and online discussions and polls about womanhood. [Brand Week]
• Gisele Bunchen wrote an article for The Times of London about working with Mario Testino in Rio. She writes: "If someone else asked me to do some of the things Mario does, I would say, no way. But Mario, with that clever way of his, is like, 'Ah, Gisele...' and the next thing I know, we're doing some picture with my butt sticking out. What can I do? It's hard to say no to him." [Times of London]
• Fatou Cham, a Gambian supermarket checker chosen to model for Tesco's fall advertising campaign has been arrested because she's in Britain illegally. She entered on a student visa in 1998 and never left. [Daily Mail]
• Due to the recession, raw cotton prices are expected to rise by 20 percent, which will hurt clothing retailers. [The Independent]
• Sources say Gianluca Lera is leaving Bulgari. [WWD]
• Kelly Brook modeled for an early Ralph Lauren photo shoot... sort of. She's nude and holding a bunch of hydrangeas in a strategic position. [Daily Mail]
• Gok Wan says he's grateful to Jean Paul Gaultier for developing a line of men's products, "...because if I wear women's make up, I end up looking like a ladyboy". [Times of London]
• Hermès is buying the Bond Street shop that Asprey occupies for £75m and may be planning on acquiring the entire company. [The Guardian]
• Natalia Vodianova was on the Milan catwalk for the first time in seven years on Friday, opening and closing the Ermanno Scervino show. [WWD]
• Jews aren't supposed to wear leather to synagogue on Yom Kippur as a symbol of modesty and humanity, so many have been wearing Crocs. But, an influential Lithuanian rabbi is telling Jews not to wear Crocs on the holiday because it's a day of atonement and the shoes are too comfortable. [N.Y. Magazine]
• Victoria's Secret will hold open casting calls to find a new Runway Angel for the next Victoria's Secret Fashion Show on December 1. [UPI]
• Katie Holmes says of the fashion line she's designing with Jeanne Yang, "It has been my dream forever to be in fashion and I'm truly inspired by my daughter Suri. She just loves dressing up so I decided to launch this exciting venture with Jeanne." [The Sun]
• Holmes & Yang officially launched on Thursday night at Maxfields. [WWD]
• At the event she added, "Jeanne's girls and my daughter have a point of view of what they want to wear. I'm constantly amazed by all the colors and layers that Suri will put together." [Style.com]
• Christina Binkley Tweeted: "Milan fashion week shows running late. Rumor blames Anna Wintour for introducing Roger Federer to Mr. Armani today - causing hour delay." [@BinkleyOnStyle]
• Elie Saab signed a 10-year fragrance and cosmetics licensing agreement with Beauté Prestige International, a division of Shiseido. [WWD]
• Carolina Herrera, who was born in Venezuela, became an American citizen on Friday. She said, "I have been here for many years, and I love this country very much. I love New York and everything about America. It was very emotional for me." As for the exam, "I was constantly testing people in my office... I told them, ‘With this test, you would never become a citizen,' ... Now I know more than they do." [WWD]

• Michael Jackson's family is reportedly ready to fight his ex-wife (and mother of two of his children) Debbie Rowe for custody, as they believe that Rowe was never truly involved and that the kids should stay "within the family."[TMZ]

• Jackson's autopsy has been inconclusive thus far; it will take six to eight weeks to determine the official cause of death, pending toxicology reports. [E!]
• ""When the autopsy comes, all hell's going to break loose, so thank God we're celebrating him now," -Liza Minnelli [ShowbizSpy]
• Police have removed a car belonging to Dr. Conrad Murray, the last person to reportedly see Michael Jackson alive, because "it might contain evidence." [TMZ]
• Murray allegedly sent a letter to his patients 11 days ago, telling them he was "indefinitely" leaving his medical practice. [TMZ]
• Meanwhile, fans are snapping up Jackson's music; on Friday, he had 9 of the top 10 albums on ITunes and "Amazon sold more Jackson merchandise in the past 24 hours than in the prior 11 years." [Yahoo]
• Magician Ed Alonzo, whom you might remember as Max from Saved by the Bell, was preparing to work his magic at Jackson's upcoming tour, and says the night before Jackson died, he seemed fine at rehearsals. "He looked great and these pop-locking moves that he was doing on stage with the crew were just breathtaking... He didn't seem tired. He went from one move to the next. It was an unbelievable experience to be with him and to see it all come together."[USWeekly]
• "When you drove up there were baby elephants and chimpanzees in overalls, and there was all the rides. It was everything you can possibly imagine. The memories I have from that place will last for the rest of my life."- Kim Kardashian on her memories of Neverland Ranch. [People]
• Fans were not pleased with Alessandra Stanley's tribute to Farrah Fawcett in the New York Times, which seemed to blame Fawcett for her own cancer. In writing about Fawcett's final special, Stanley notes that she "never made the public service point that . . . the HPV vaccine is the most promising form of prevention against this type of cancer, which in most cases is sexually acquired." [NYPost]
• "I'm cool with my body, and I'm cool running around undressed and all that stuff, but there are just certain things that not everyone needs to know, that you need to keep somehow private and personal to you. But you never know, you never know. I could be 30 years old and just be like, 'Screw it-I want to take it all off. I better take a picture of this baby before it all goes."- Hayden Panettiere [E!]
• Surprising their fans, Spoon has announced that they'll be releasing a new EP this Tuesday. [EW]
• The Mighty Boosh plan to split in because Julian Barratt reportedly wishes to spend more time with his partner, Julia Davis and their children, while Noel Fielding "still loves the gig scene." [TheSun]
• Coolio will enter an 18-month rehab program in order to avoid jail time after pleading guilty to possession of cocaine.[Reuters]
• Evan Rachel Wood and Alan Cumming have been tapped to star in the Broadway adaptation of Spider-Man, which will be directed by Julie Taymor. Wood will play Mary Jane Watson; Cumming will play the Green Goblin. [Variety]
• Richard Dreyfuss has devoted himself to the revival of civics education in schools, as he believes its necessary for children to learn the importance of getting involved. [USAToday]
• Is Emma Watson trading in her Hogwarts robes for a stint at Columbia? [DailyExpress]
• Blind Item: "Which actor just had a baby with his girlfriend, but behind her back is having an affair with his fellow actor friend?" [BlindGossip]
• Heidi Fleiss is planning on marrying Dennis Hof owner of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch: "I'm proud to say that I'm clean and sober, and I'm finally ready to make a commitment to one man - and that's Dennis. It's going to be my first and only wedding, so it's going to be fabulous." [DailyExpress]
• Faith Hill and Tim McGraw "waited in line just like everybody else at the opening of the new Titanic exhibition at Discovery Times Square" with their children the other day and were reportedly very nice to fans. [PageSix]
• Former Girl Next Door Kendra Wilkinson is getting married today, and fellow ex-GND Holly Madison says"she's probably nervous," but that the ceremony is "going to be really beautiful and touching." [People]
• "I can't think of myself in terms of celebrity. It's just too weird. If the choice is between being gawked at and sitting in a chair in a dark room, I prefer the dark room."-Johnny Depp. You guys wouldn't happen to have a dark room that Johnny Depp could just make hide out in, would you? [ShowbizSpy]

[Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

9:31pm (Subject Header: "Regarding Faith Hill"):

Dear Jezebel- I guess the name fits! Why don't you people get a LIFE and leave good honest artists Alone! It gets me so mad when I see people like you and your Team try to mess up other people lives. Fait is a down to earth, Superstar artist, performer, wife and Mom. Thank You

9:35pm (Subject Header: "Faith Hill")

Hello, As a fan of Faith Hill- why don't you and your Team get a life and stop trying to mess up Good Artists lives. Faith is a down to earth Superstar, performer, wife and mom. We fans see her without make-up and she has a inner and outer beauty- you guys will never see!! Thank You

Love the random capitalizations. But at least she's somewhat polite!

Earlier: Here's Our Winner! 'Redbook' Shatters Our 'Faith' In Well, Not Publishing, But Maybe God

Nowhere in the magazine's new interview with the country singer did Redbook editors address the Photoshopping scandal from almost two years ago; the writer, Lori Berger, did, however, mention that the magazine's new cover shoots involved "20 total hours of primping, painting, pinning, and plucking" and that the "results are extraordinary."

Oh, and there was this hard-hitting question:

What do you try to teach your girls about beauty so a bad hair day doesn't become a crisis?

Hill's answer was, well, illuminating.

Mostly, we have tried to lay the foundation for the girls to have a sense of self-worth that goes way beyond anything that's not real or achievable.

Anyway, here's Redbook's "original" shot of Faith as Brigitte Bardot.

No mention was made of Bardot's own controversy, which includes being charged and fined for "inciting racial hatred" stemming from remarks she made about Muslims. (She's also criticized the modern-day gay man. She likes them retro-y.) Here's our version, with cover lines:

The Many Faces of Faith Hill [Redbook]
Faith Hill Plays Dress Up as 3 Iconic Blondes [Redbook]
Earlier: Here's Our Winner! 'Redbook' Shatters Our 'Faith' In Well, Not Publishing, But Maybe God

• Alan Cumming thinks that our new President, Barack Obama, has a large, ahem, unit:

"I think great leaders, charismatic leaders and men who are so confident and who have achieved so much, usually have big penises,” Cumming tells New York. "I think there’s a correlation between the level of confidence, the level of the way a man can hold a room and the way he conducts himself in life, with his penis size — with his comfort with his penis size. So much of male psyche is taken up with how big your cock is; it’s a huge deal in our lives, and so when you’re confident about your penis size, it shows. Well, just look at [Obama]. Just the way he’s so kind of elegant and very confident in his body and himself. Also, someone told me that they worked out with him in a gym in Chicago, and it was big." [NY Mag]

• Naomi Watts talks about her ex-boyfriend Heath Ledger in Parade magazine: "When I got to the set and did that first scene with him, I was like, ‘Wow! This guy is alive.’ It was just something deep in his eyes. You could look into them, and they would tell a thousand stories in one glance. There was a wonderful mixture of power and fragility at work in everything he did, which just pulls you in. His strength didn’t scare you. It intrigued you. And his fragility touched you." [MSNBC]
• Jessica Simpson performed yesterday in Charlottesville, Virginia, and referred to the kerfluffle over her body: "Thank you for your support," she told the crowd. "Stay positive, and pray out loud! Please remember, no matter what you go through in life, somebody else might have it harder. So just appreciate. I feel like in our world today we focus on so many things that are completely pointless." Word. [People]
• Do what you must to prepare yourself: Madonna and her kids are moving to the U.S. [The Sun]
• And! Her Madgesty will add another leg to her Sticky & Sweet tour, heading to the U.K. and Europe this summer. [Reuters]
• Renee Zellweger was not a VIP at Barack Obama's inauguration — by choice. "I wanted to be part of it and not in a celebrity way, where you're ushered into your safe place," she says. She listened to the ceremony from a barricade on First Street, next to a blind lady. [USA Today]
• £15,000 worth of stuff was stolen from Amy Winehouse's home — flat screen TV, guitars, recording equipment. Amy is still in the Caribbean, but is said to be "devastated." A source says: "Some of the guitars are irreplaceable due to their sentimental value." Hopefully they stole her crack pipe. [The Sun]
• So you know how a stage manager stole from the fashion closet of Lipstick Jungle? He also robbed Brooke Shields! "[He's] the same guy who stole my wallet out of my dressing room last season, right out of my purse!” Shields says. "He’s not very bright, because the purse was worth more than the wallet." [Gatecrasher]
• Traders on the Hollywood Stock Exchange are betting on Sex And The City 2. [WSJ]
• Anna Faris is engaged to actor Chris Pratt, who was on Everwood and The OC and currently plays Anne Hathaway's fiance in Bride Wars. Good luck, kids! [Us]
• Director Danny Boyle and producer Christian Colson have issued a statement denying that Slumdog Millionaire exploited two child actors: "Boyle and Colson said the kids were enrolled in school for the first time after filming, and a fund had been set up to cover their education, as well as their basic living costs, health care and any emergencies. If the children stay in school until they are 18, they will receive another lump sum." [Variety]
• In this interview, a man whose 7-year-old daughter appears in Slumdog says the filmmakers "are taking complete care of my child." "Whatever a parent could have done, they have done much more than that." [AP]
• Ugh, more Slumdog problems: In Mumbai, the flick is not exactly drawing people to the cineplexes, because people don't understand the title and rampant piracy means some have already seen it on DVD. [Reuters]
• Faith Hill is glad that Jennifer Hudson will sing at the Super Bowl: "I believe to come and perform the national anthem, which is this country's favourite song, at a time that our country is stepping up and moving forward for future generations - I think it's just the perfect choice." [The Star]
• Why did Bruce Springsteen — after being asked several times — finally agree to play the Super Bowl half-time show? "It was sort of, well, if we don’t do it now, what are we waiting for? I want to do it while I’m alive." [NY Times]
• Very unlikely duo Bob Dylan and will.i.am will both appear in a Pepsi commercial during the Super Bowl. How does it feel? To be on your own, like a black-eyed pea? [Reuters]
• Penelope Cruz says that Woody Allen is not sleazy, and only makes pervy comments to make people laugh: "On set he would say something completely wild and I would say, 'I can't believe those words came out of your mouth!'" Allen, she says, is "very peculiar – but I love him." [Guardian]
• Tom Cruise's flick, Valkyrie, was beaten at the box office in Germany by Twilight; and in England, Slumdog Millionaire crushed the Nazi flick. Valkyrie cost between $90 and $100 million to make and $50 to $60 mil to promote, but has grossed only about $83 million in the U.S. Not bad, but not the comeback Cruise was hoping for at his new studio. [Fox 411]
• James Brown's family will go to court today, hoping for a settlement regarding the late singer's estate, after two years of drama. [USA Today]
• Khloe Kardashian and Rashad McCants of the Minnesota Timberwolves have broken up. Khloe writes on her blog: "Relationships are hard enough as is when you live in the same city, and he's in a different city everyday for games." [Khloe Kardashian]
• Lil Wayne had to remove a song, Playing With Fire, from his hit album, That Carter III, due to a copyright suit: The track had melody and lyrics from the Rolling Stones' tune, "Play With Fire." If you go to iTunes, the song will have vanished. [WSJ]
• ABC has picked up a comedy, Let It Go, starring Lauren Graham, in which she plays a talkshow host who is dumped by her boyfriend and can't follow her own advice of "letting go." [Variety]
• Mike McCready from Pearl Jam, who suffers from Crohn's disease, is lobbying Washington state lawmakers to give people with gastrointestinal disorders more bathroom access. [AP]
• If you have $5.2 million, you can buy the former home of John Edwards and his glossy hair. [WSJ]
• More proof that the '90s are back: Jane's Addiction is planning a spring tour. [Gatecrasher]
• And more proof the '90s are back: House Of Style will return to MTV! Possibly with Bar Refaeli or Chanel Iman as host. [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which baseball heartthrob may be playing for the other team? He secretly slides into bed with Florida fellas." [Gatecrasher]
• Is Ellen Barkin's new TV show — in which she plays a woman "famous for her high-profile marriage, who divorces and re-enters the single market" kinda like her actual life? [Page Six]
• Did Eliza Dushku brag about killing deer, elk and other animals? Apparently she said it was okay for her to hunt because she eats what she kills. Guess who's pissed? PETA. [Page Six]
• Jessica Alba has a bow tattooed above her crack. [The Life Files]
• "With the internet you can fight back. If someone has written something unjust, wrong or has offended me, or offended a friend, then that’s it. The other day Perez Hilton wrote that I was a lazy arse and I should give up on my record. Today, my single is No1 in the midweeks and I am on tour, working really, really hard. And his job is sitting at a computer all day. How can he call me lazy?!" — Lily Allen. [The Sun]
• "Being a nun now makes total sense. I wouldn't do it for Jesus - I would do it to see tabloid gossip people have zero to write about. 'She prays all fucking day - what are we going to write about now?' " — Lily Allen to Spin. [Page Six]
• "I used to pester my mother to have another baby when my father was still alive. She ended up having an eight hour operation to unblock her tubes and things like that. The operation was a success but my father died while she was having it, so it was really ironic, terrible timing." — Kate Beckinsale. [Daily Express]
• "We're planning a home birth, but it might be a Grammy birth! Eating a hot curry could make me go into labor, so imagine what getting on stage with Jay-Z, Lil Wayne and T.I. would do. Everyone's been very understanding." — M.I.A., who has been nominated for a Grammy and an Oscar, but is due the night before the Grammys. [WSJ]
• "If I'm not coming up with something I get very upset and start questioning it all. 'I can't get it out. I'm not worthy of the money I'm getting paid. There are people who are so much better.' I really beat myself up." — Lily Allen, on her writer's block. [WSJ]
• "I’m upset because I feel disrespected by the press and by Mr. Rourke. Just because I’m single doesn’t mean that you can take advantage of me. It’s unfair that the performances (in The Wrestler) might suffer because of all of these distractions. I'm not attracted to him, he's too old for me. Nothing ever happened and nothing ever will." — Evan Rachel Wood, on the rumors she was making out with Mickey Rourke after the SAG awards. [MSNBC]
• "I have a crush on Jimmy Carter. I admit it. He has an extraordinary mind. He's an exceptional human being. And he writes poetry, for crying out loud. He's all good things." — Renee Zellweger. [USA Today]
• "I’VE MADE SOME GOOD CHOICES AND SOME MISTAKES… I’VE BEEN LOVED AND HATED…. I’VE BEEN HAILED AND RIDICULED… I’VE BEEN INVITED TO SHOWS AND AS USUAL ASKED NOT TO COME… I’VE BEEN ATTACKED FOR BEING ME… FOR BEING BRIGHT RED IN A GREY WORLD…. I AM NUCLEAR ENERGY." — Kanye West, in an email to Rolling Stone. [Rolling Stone]

These, incidentally, are the top ten most trafficked posts of the year — not our favorites — and some of them, you'll notice are from last year. The winners in ascending order, and links to the original posts, directly below.


10. Animals and amore:
Adorable Dog Adopts Orphaned Baby Bunnies


9. Extreme breastfeeding:
At What Age Is A Kid Too Old To Breastfeed?


8. Bad fashion:
American Apparel Will Make You Look Like A Fat Hooker


7. Sex and the Shitty:
Extended Sex And The City Trailer: Carrie Gets Jilted! (LOL)


6. Online dating:
New Rule: When 'Dating' Online, Add 20 Years, 100 Lbs. To Your Partner's Profile


5. Reality television :
The Real Housewives Of Atlanta: We Think We Know Who Kim's "Big Papa" Is


4. Making Late-Night Comedy Out of Economic Tragedy:
Wanda Sykes Campaigns For Cabinet Position On Last Night's Leno


3. Ladymag Liars:
The Annotated Guide To Making Faith Hill 'Hot'


2. The election of Barack Obama:
Donna Brazile Is Not Going To The Back Of The Bus


1. Celebrity Photoshopping :
Here's Our Winner! 'Redbook' Shatters Our 'Faith' In Well, Not Publishing, But Maybe God

• Sofia Coppola debuts her line of "sure, why not?" accessories for Louis Vuitton in Tokyo. The luxe line is made up of "slouchy duffle bags, discreet clutches and retro wedge sandals." [WWD]
• Speaking of qualified designers, Posh's dress line is a hit in London! "The presence of her name on the shop floor alongside such greats as Alexander McQueen, Vivienne Westwood and John Galliano was quite an achievement for a designer who unveiled her first collection of dresses just three months ago. More impressive still was the fact that by 3pm on its first day on sale only three dresses were left unsold." [Guardian]
• Tim Gunn is not sanguine! Quoth the silver fox, "We have this horrible, nasty court case. We have an angry Bravo/NBC. We have an angry Lifetime. We have, I'm sure, an angry Weinstein Company. We have Heidi and I despondent about the whole thing. We worry that season six will never be seen by anyone." [Washington Blade]
• Addressing the severe shortage of celebrity perfumes, Faith Hill is in talks with Coty. [WWD]

• Ivanka Trump confirms our suspicions that she's rich, by premiering a jewelry line that ranges from $4,000 to $45,000. [WSJ]
• Whether the Wintour rumors are founded or not, "Save Anna" gear is big for Christmas! [Racked]
• Courteney Love's "shopping secrets" are disappointingly obvious. [ElleUK]
• Liz Claiborne takes steps to retain executives. [WSJ]
• Women keep clothes longer than their husbands - and sometimes longer than their marriages! [Telegraph]
• Eileen Ford can't sell her mansion. [WSJ]
• Courteney Cox is Avon's latest celeb spokesperson. [WWD]
• Versace expands its glitzy empire to Vietnam. [New York]
• The economy's loss is TJ Maxx's gain! “With department stores canceling orders, we’re getting additional brands. They have excess product. They know we pay our bills on time and we can’t return the product.” Have I mentioned how smart I find that 'how we get our cheap stuff' ad campaign is? [Fashionista]
• Wait, Whitney Port doesn't really work in fashion? “Well, she just goes into the office to shoot scenes like she works there, like what they did on The Hills. Actually, it’s kind of sad. When they film her spots, they make the girls that actually work there move from their desks and into some cubicles in another part of the floor, because they’re actually working, but the camera people want Whitney and her on-screen work friend to look like they have real desks.” [Fashionista]

The Good:
Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban = hot shit.
Carrie Underwood's dress is not bad, but a little boring.
Is it wrong that I have two American Idol alums in a row in the "Good" category? Mazel tov, Diana diGarmo.
Jewel!
LeAnn Rimes: You look good.
When did Marcia Brady become a MILF?
I love Miley Cyrus' dress, but I think she is way too young to be wearing it.

The Bad:
Aimee Mayo's name makes me giggle; her outfit makes me frown.
Ditto for "Big Kenny" and "Christiev".
When I was 5, I loved Crystal Gale.
Sara Evans scores a double "oy".
Laura Bell Bundy is starring in Legally Blonde: The Musical. Elle Woods wouldn't be caught dead in this dress.
Paula Abdul: Now starring in Kiss of the Spider Woman?

The Ugly:
Why is Faith HIll dressed as Stevie Nicks?
Did Naomi Judd borrow George Clooney's girlfriend's Oscar dress?

[Images via Getty.]

(Click on lead image in each gallery to begin the show.)

The Good:

The Bad:

The Ugly:

[All photos via Getty Images.]

• Two weeks after they exchanged vows at a "spiritual" ceremony in Bora Bora, Tracey Edmonds and Eddie Murphy have indeed split. The two will "remain friends" and since they never had a legal US wedding, Eddie — who acted like a bit of an asshole to Tracey — won't have to pay any alimony. [People]
  
• Cops were called to the home of Britney Spears last night, but not for the pop star! Several photographers were arrested for reckless driving. Seriously, it's all fun and games until someone gets nailed by an SUV. Or has a nervous breakdown. [Perez Hilton]
  
• According to a poll, 51% of people think that Britney should be able to see her kids a few times a week. Only 1% wanted Britney to get full custody. Was that 1% one person? And was that one person Britney? [Reuter]
  
• Kevin Federline's lawyer says Kevin knows how difficult the custody situation is on the kids — and their mother. "It's a sad situation. There's no victorious feeling." Isn't it amazing how he's become the one to sort of trust and admire? [People]

• Uh-oh! Blake Fielder-Civil is livid with wife Amy Winehouse and has said "I want a divorce." Will she lose her man? Also: She doesn't have a pre-nup, crap. [Perez Hilton]
• Jeremy Piven has a crush on Dita Von Teese! The Entourage star sent two satin mini dresses to the burlesque queen, awww. [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which talented singer/guitar player seems to have forgotten he's married with children? He's been spotted entering and exiting a building in Battery Park City where he spends the night with a beautiful record company executive." [Page Six]
• Clint Eastwood is suing Palliser Furniture company for creating a chair called "The Eastwood." The estate of Marlon Brando is also suing; the chair company claims The Brando chair was named after a town in Corsica — and yet they also have seats named after Charles Bronson, James Cagney and Sean Connery. [E!]
• "He was uncomfortable with the side effects of stardom. There was a sadness in his eyes for someone so young, and he always had an air of trouble around him." — a friend of the late Brad Renfro. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which rising actor with a celebrity girlfriend has been sending 'dirty, flirty' texts to a slew of young ladies in Hollywood? At least that's the gossip." [Gatecrasher]
• Is Sienna Miller to blame for the break between Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn? [Rush & Molloy]
• Simon Cowell denies he got a a "tit job" on his man boobs. "I've tried to cut out red meat, biscuits, cakes and desserts and I eat a lot of fruit," he says. [MSNBC]
• Ike Turner's death was indeed a cocaine overdose, though the singer had a long history of cardiovascular disease and emphysema. [Reuters]
• Faith Hill is recovering from knee surgery — she injured it playing softball in high school. Who knew she was sporty? [AP]
• Foxy Brown is hoping for early release from prison as she slowly goes deaf. "I am terrified of not hearing a fire alarm go off, or being locked in a cell, and someone not being kind enough to let me out, since not everyone understands the severity of my condition," she wrote in a letter. [E!]
• Former Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker is suing Rockstar energy drink company for publishing a photo of him holding a can of the product. What's with all these companies trying to exploit celebs? [USA Today]
• Liz Hurley pregnant? The 42-year-old has a "bump." Ugh, to be a star and have everyone staring at your stomach all the time. Must suck. [Daily Express]

Which is why even Jezebel has to take money from marketers such as American Apparel — the pervy, hipster brand that's all about worshipping dewy, cellulite-free, half-naked youths..

Um, Simon, see an optometrist! American Apparel ads are the only reason we knew hipsters got cellulite. And stretch marks! And zits. JUST LIKE US. And Faith Hill. And third-world sweatshop workers. Which brings us to your conclusion, which is true if you substitute "urbanites who make more than $500,000 a year" for "Americans."

But the larger, really obvious truth here is that fewer and fewer Americans — females especially, but males, too — have the strength of character to age gracefully or entirely honestly.

Hey, Would You Want Your Back Fat On The Cover Of Redbook [Ad Age]