Listen, I'm not here to ruin anyone's good time, but in the immortal words of Big Sean — if you're even thinking of getting an eyeball tattoo, then "I don't fuck with you." And don't come crying to me when you go blind and also your eyeball shatters, because that's a thing that probably will happen. Trust me.

Oh my god, I am giving this story about a man with a hairy eyeball THE WORLD'S HAIRIEST EYEBALL award. Hot on the heels of that lady with bone shards growing in her eyelids comes this unfortunate dude with a big, hairy eyeball tumor. And like my grandmama always said, there's only one thing to do if you don't know…