eye of the cervix

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The View Down Under

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tscheese
06/17/09

In reply to The View Down Under
I was actually reading somewhere--it might have been on Jez? that there's a new blood test or something or other that isn't as invasive-scrapey as a normal pap. But I don't know anything about it or where I read this. Did I imagine this?
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labeled
06/17/09

@tscheese: It rings a bell here too.
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Tart of Darkness
06/17/09

In reply to The View Down Under
If you're lucky your cervix gets to see a competent MD.
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Penny
06/17/09

In reply to The View Down Under
Try having a colposcopy, then we'll talk.
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Vivelafat says Sweep the leg, Johnny.
06/17/09

@Penny: I'm supposed to get one and I am really scared. Is it scary?
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Penny
06/17/09

@Vivelafat says Sweep the leg, Johnny.: It's not too bad, but it is worse than a pap. It depends on whether you need biopsies, which sound scary, but the super pap was worse for me. Take some Advil (or a Xanax) before and breathe, it's not pleasant but it's not the worst thing in the world. You'll do fine.

Try to take the day off, though. And prepare for some weird shit to fall out of your crotch the next day.
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Vivelafat says Sweep the leg, Johnny.
06/17/09

@Penny: Sounds like a blast. Weird shit falling out of my crotch. Who wouldn't want that. Thanks though, that makes me less nervous.
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tscheese
06/17/09

In reply to The View Down Under
Okay, good, so I'm not the only one who finds pap smears MASSIVELY uncomfortable? It's an essential procedure and I get mine done faithfully, don't get me wrong, but good lord, I feel abraded, pinched and beat-up for a day or two after.
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Ms. Crankypants
06/17/09

@tscheese: Yeah, I usually have cramps and bleeding after, it's kinda like having an extra 1st day of period in the middle of the month, which is totally AWESOME.
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Cerridwen
06/17/09

In reply to The View Down Under
Um, think less "gentle, fluffy cotton swab" and more "painful, awkward, pokey-scrapy implement."
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thesciencegirl
06/17/09

@Cerridwen: yeah, that's not even accurate. The cotton swab is not what is used for a pap smear. You use that to clear away excess mucus and to take a swab for certain STD tests, but the plastic scraper and brush thingies are what you use to get cervical cells.
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theNChills
06/17/09

In reply to The View Down Under
i really hope that the next episode is colposcopy vision. Because nothing cements the relationship between you and your BFF who has come to hold your hand when a live feed of your labia appears on a small monitor right in front of her.

Vagina television. Ur doin it rong.
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Penny
06/17/09

@theNChills: Jinx. That procedure was HELLISH and I spent my next pap just praying to the Ovum Gods that it would come back normal and I wouldn't have to go through it again.

Also, I had students in the room so I had 3 heads between my legs.
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icingsugar
06/17/09

@theNChills: Ugh....I just got one of those. Mine wasn't too bad, a bit uncomfortable because it is such a long procedure. I had to have biopsies so the worst part wasn't until days later. You know what I'm talking about if you've had it done.
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Penny
06/17/09

@icingsugar: Yes. The "coffee grounds" they spoke of were more like a black slug. Seriously, I thought one of my organs had fallen out.
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Ionic
06/17/09

In reply to The View Down Under
Yeah, right. How about that part when they go, "Hmmm, that looks troubling..." then proceed to do a biopsy WITHOUT ANESTHETIC!?

No, I'm not bitter at all.
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labeled
06/17/09

@Ionic: "You'll feel a slight pinch here..."
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EKane
06/17/09

In reply to The View Down Under
This is missing the awkward ovary fondling that goes on...
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Majrhoulihan
06/17/09

@EKane: That is always the worst part for me. The speculum, the pap, all that I can handle. It's the pushing down on my abdomen that makes me queasy.
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Cerridwen
06/17/09

@Majrhoulihan: Although I find the scraping of my cervix causes me much more queasiness, I know what you mean. I HATE it when people press on my abdomen.

This ad is more than a little disingenuous, don't you think?
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morninggloria
06/17/09

In reply to The View Down Under
My cervix reflexively closes its eyes when things while being poked and prodded.
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uniyeti
06/17/09

@morninggloria:

I also love when my Dr asks if I want to see my cervix. No, I do not.
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serreca
06/17/09

@uniyeti: Really? I think it would be cool...
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MissMoneypenny
06/17/09

@uniyeti: How can the doctor show it to you? Does she/he have a camera? I would love to see mine. I am a weirdo like that.
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uniyeti
06/17/09

@MissMoneypenny:

I guess she had a mirror?

Her theory was "you're a scientist, you'd love to see this".

My theory was "I'm pretending you do NOT have a speculum inside of me right now and looking at it in the mirror will make that harder to pretend".

If there was a way to see it that didn't involve that thing I'd be more into it.
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inabook
06/17/09

@uniyeti: I've seen my ovaries on an ultrasound! It was pretty cool, but would have been a lot cooler if A. I wasn't in pain at the time and B. They'd actually been able to figure out a cause for my pain (turns out one cause at least is NOT ovarian cysts)
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CordeliaShirley
06/17/09

In reply to The View Down Under
That's not how my vagina remembers it.
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Fizzy77
06/17/09

In reply to The View Down Under
ew....Beef curtains? I hate that slang too.
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Vivelafat says Sweep the leg, Johnny.
06/17/09

@Fizzy77: I HATE it. It's not beef. I'm not meat.
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sybann
06/17/09

In reply to The View Down Under
There was verisimilitude in the ridiculous and ubiquitous "relax" but that's about it.
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karmasutra
06/17/09

@sybann:

Can I just say? One of my favorite words. (Referring to 'verisimilitude' of course).
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sybann
06/17/09

@karmasutra: I am a verbal showoff.
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labeled
06/17/09

In reply to The View Down Under
My cervix just called. She wants to know where the "Hey, hmm, sheesh, you don't have to get so fresh... HEY, stop THAT" part went.
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labeled
06/17/09

@labeled: My vaginal walls just chimed in with a "bish, plz, that is not a speculum" moue.
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labeled
06/17/09

@labeled: And finally, dammit, the part of my brain that handles things like grocery lists and doctor's appt's just realized it's been a while.

So, *that easy or not, thanks.
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apollonia666
06/17/09

In reply to The View Down Under
Okay, PAP smears aren't THAT fast.
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thesciencegirl
06/17/09

@apollonia666: that was my first thought
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EKane
06/17/09

@apollonia666: Yeah, I thought the same.
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junkyardarts
06/17/09

@apollonia666: i dunno. my docs a pro - im only cranked open for a minute or two and im on my way. maybe im just super lucky??
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tscheese
06/17/09

@junkyardarts: I actually didn't spend more than 15-20 minutes total with my doctor, and most of that WASN'T rooting around and digging and palpating and prodding and...ugh...speculuming. And I considered myself lucky because she stuck around so long to talk to me!

I think if you're just getting the regular pelvic exam and pap smear, it might SEEM like it takes ages, but it certainly isn't anywhere near as scary as some of the other procedures that other posters have mentioned. My doc was pretty efficient about the whole thing last I went.
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tomatoheart
06/17/09

In reply to The View Down Under
That's a bit misleading isn't it though? A pap and pelvic exam is slightly more than just a breeze of a cotton swab.

And a speculum is less like curtains opening and more like taking a crowbar to open a door.
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argle-bargle? or fou-ferraw?
06/17/09

@tomatoheart: right? they skipped over the uncomfortable part... i don't know anyone who gets pelvic exams for fun. if they're in there, prying me open, i'm getting an effing pap smear.

what a silly psa.
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tomatoheart
06/17/09

@argle-bargle? or fou-ferraw?: i used to go to a cool clinic that had clear plastic speculums they would let you insert yourself if you wanted to, but still....
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schweppes
06/17/09

@tomatoheart: Yeah, what if some girl legitimately thinks that's what it's going to be like; and then BOOM 10 minutes of totally shocking and surprising rooting around in there. Seems like that would be more traumatic than "it's gonna feel funny for a bit, but don't stress"
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Ms. Crankypants
06/17/09

@tomatoheart: Those ones are more comfortable than the stainless steel variety, but it still feels like you're being pried apart.

Sorry doctors my vadge doesn't quite open like my mouth does.
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serreca
06/17/09

@schweppes: 10 minutes?! I think you need to find a new doctor...
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inabook
06/17/09

@tomatoheart: Mine takes considerably longer than that and hurts a lot. There's always a bit of me whimpering, and the doctor reassuring me it'll be over soon.
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