Jezebel 
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New York, 11:54 PM
Sun Nov 8
22 posts in the last 24 hours
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08/28/09
It is easy to wish for something different, and for me, to wish i could do something (anything!) with my hair - as it is so fine that barrettes, headbands, bobby pins, etc., all literally fall out when i try to use them - but like everything else society has dictated what is "good" vs. "bad", and I can't pretend to know what its like to have other people judging my hair like that, even though I myself do.
I'm not sure if I'm articulating it correctly, however, I think it is something to think about before we try and universalize everything with "but i'd love to change my hair also" without accepting that there are real differences between the two experiences.
08/27/09
While the Media pretends we don't exist; I do have to say, that we do face similar problems. My own hair is categorized as 'good hair.' My sister's hair, however, is 'bad.' It's super thick, it's super kinky and my sister hates it.
She uses like a tub and a half of hard core relaxer to even make a dent to it.
There's an ingrained racial reason why (conformity to the rest of my clan - white Establishment) but you know.
08/27/09
(Sabemos tambien.)
08/27/09
08/27/09
As an aside: I'd love to see a Mag Hag article on the magazine Latina. Cus sometimes, I honestly have no idea what to say about it.
08/27/09
I wish I could say I stood firm, but I did spend quite a few nights sleeping in a stocking cap trying to flatten my freakin hair so I wouldn't be called the en word.
08/27/09
08/27/09
Yes, it is about race because the reason your hair drew so much criticism is because it reminded people of the hair of -- HORRORS!!! -- a black person.
08/27/09
08/27/09
08/27/09
I remember watching one of Oprah's "financial diet" episodes. The finance expert was white and the family she was working with was black. She observed their spending for a week. When she learned that the mom went to the salon every week to have her hair cared for, she immediately saw it as a place to save money. You can see where she was coming from -- she probably thought, "Oh, this is just vanity! Much easier to trim money here than on groceries." But the minute the financial guru said, "Oh, you could just let your hair go natural" you could see the mom and Oprah really tense up. Oprah basically said, listen, you don't understand about black hair.
And it's true. Non-black women grow up with all kinds of hair issues, but we view it as an issue of personal taste and choice. We have bad hair cuts and bad hair days. But we really have no idea what it's like to feel like our hairstyle tells the world how we feel about our ancestry, our culture, the history of civil rights, etc. It seems trivial, but sadly, it's really not.
08/27/09
08/27/09
But they see you as an oversexed slob.
[J/K -- Quoting from the Book of Curly Hair Stereotypes.]
08/27/09
I so wish I was oversexed and sloppy.
08/27/09
08/27/09
08/27/09
08/27/09
[www.cafepress.com]
08/27/09
08/27/09
I said "Not cool, dude." and walked away, but this sort of thing happens to me ALL THE TIME and it is sooo annoying.
08/27/09
Americans, I think, can be overly touchy with strangers, particularly if the stranger has something they don't have - white people wanting to touch natural black hair, people wanting to touch pregnant women, etc. Granted, I do not like being touched by strangers AT ALL, so it could be that I just notice it more than most.
08/27/09
I felt properly chastised.
08/27/09
(I also happen to have fairly curly hair that I usually straighten (partially from vanity, partly for manageability), and whenever I attempt to wear it 'natural', I am usually inundated with friends and strangers alike determined to pat my head and put their fingers through my curls like they're some kind of curio, and not still attached to my head...
08/27/09
08/27/09
08/27/09
08/27/09
As a kid random strangers felt like they could pat me. My mother wouldn't allow me to bite them.
08/27/09
08/27/09
08/27/09
I have no idea what this means. Can someone enlighten me?
08/27/09
08/27/09
08/27/09
08/31/09
08/27/09
Also, just out of curiosity (and forgive me for my ignorance). I noticed earlier in the summer that Malia seemed to be switching between the twists and straight hair. Is it really time consumming and difficult to switch hair styles so drastically? Either way, how can one say that the hairstyle of a child is in any way inappropriate? Unless there are hate slurs shaved into the child's head then she can wear her hair however she pleases as far as I'm concerned.
08/27/09
Does anyone *really* call their relaxer "creamy crack"? 'Cause I've never heard that or said that before - the Chris Rock trailer is the first I've seen of it. And now of course the media is latching onto the phrase in all its alliterative glory, so I'm curious if I've just been out of the loop all this time.
08/27/09
08/27/09
08/27/09
08/27/09
08/27/09
I'm not explaining myself well. my written words are always jumbled, but i guess what i am trying to say is that in my father's era, it was taught that black women could only achieve long, healthy hair if the texture was made fine enough (through relaxers) to work with more easily. Now, there are many women who can do the same with their natural hair, the processes are just different. And my father is good at what he does (if a full head of hair is what you want, then go to him) so he has no interest in learning new techniques or products to deal with natural hair as is. So like that, he is stuck in his ways.
My sister, actually, did a Solange Knowles a year ago and is now growing out her hair into dreads. My dad doesn't look down on it per se, but he won't touch it.
It's political, but It's not at the same time. it's really complicated. seriously, thoughts and words are swimming in my head and I'm having a hard time expressing them like I want to. so I'm going to stop now.
08/27/09
My mom will cut a bitch if she ever hears any of that. She hated Obama for what she saw as taking away the nomination that was rightfully Hillary's (sigh) but now she adores them, and it's because she believes that Sasha and Malia are so awesome that it must mean the parents are awesome too. I'm not kidding. She was incredibly pissed a couple of months ago when she saw something she felt was snotty towards them, she called me to rant about it and I started to get a little worried about her blood pressure.
08/27/09
08/27/09
And I hate to seem embittered or unappreciative of the empathy, but I also get very weary of the way some non-Black women choose to weigh in on the discussion. What I keep seeing is this: "It's not just a black woman's issue, all women struggle with accepting their own hair in its natural state." I get the sentiment behind saying something like that ... but it's really, truly, honestly, not the same thing. At all. And I just wish people weren't so uncomfortable with discussing race that they feel the need to universalize everything when sometimes, yeah, it really IS a black woman's issue. I'm also really skeptical when people say, "Oh but I LOVE African-American women's hair! I wish mine could do that!" It just feels somehow condescending, because something tells me, no you really don't wish that. Or if you do, then you really must not have a grasp of the baggage that comes with it.
Sorry if this is incoherent, the subject just feels like such a raw nerve. The one good thing to come of my ruminations on this subject today was this:
If the business world wants to frown upon Black women's natural hair, and hold us back when we don't conform, I say we demand that Black women be given higher salaries specifically to pay for our relaxers! Hah! Take THAT gender/race wage gaps!
08/27/09
08/27/09
08/27/09
08/27/09
08/27/09
One of my friends works at a hedge fund, and went to the office with her hair natural one day. A white male co-worker proceeded to tell her she looked "wild" and explained she "looked better" with straight hair. How did she self-inflict that one? How was she supposed to "perceive" that experience?
And yeah, that's an anecdote. But this: "Some of the most powerful women in business have natural hair: Ursula Burns and Susan Chapman, to name a few." ... That's an anecdote too. But I'm willing to bet there are more anecdotes on my side of the fence than yours.
08/27/09
Yep. Black women's hair has been politicized and turned into an indicator of social worth in a way that white women's hair could never be. There's so much there that no non-black person would ever understand, having not grown up marinating in the expectations.
Which is why I'll shut the fuck up now, except to say that I really, really like what you said.
08/27/09
08/27/09
I am 32 years old and I have worked in finance at some of the largest firms for the last 11 years, apart from the 18 months I spent in grad school. I have had my hair short and natural; long and straight; braided and cornrowed. No one has ever made a comment to me about my hair. I also don't think it has prevented me from advancing in my career. This is of course anecdotal but is my experience.
08/27/09
08/27/09
I also get really uncomfortable when people claim they want black hair or want to be black.... i never believe them, and i doubt that they really know what they're asking for.
08/27/09
08/27/09
I am a white girl with hair that needs to be styled before I feel comfortable going out most days, but even if I chose not to straighten it, no one would ever look at that choice and think I was being "rebellious" or "militant". They would just think I woke up too late that morning to bother with more styling. Lots of white girls probably go through frustration with their hair, but not so much frustration with the fact that, as you say, nothing one does with one's hair is ever right or acceptable.
Am I on the right track? Like, white girls might have a similar physical experience with difficult hair, but it can never be experienced the same way socially or politically. And from the sound of things, the physical experience and the political/social can never be separated for W/MOC. That is what I am taking away from all these discussions and I hope it's not entirely ignorant, 'cause I definitely feel like I understand it a bit better. I hope. Sorry for the novel!
08/27/09
I think it is a more complicated issue for Black women, but there are elements of this issue that those of us with curly or wavy hair can relate to.
08/27/09
I also think this part of your comment shows an incredible degree of understanding for others and their (our/my) shortfalls:
I just wish people weren't so uncomfortable with discussing race that they feel the need to universalize everything
08/27/09
08/27/09
[hellonegro.com]
08/27/09
08/27/09
OK - pile on.
08/27/09
@JerseyGrrrl You are, indeed, also awesome. To the max.
@ULTRAPRISON! I can't believe I had forgotten about that Glamour article!! If that's not evidence of that it's pretty mainstream for people to view natural hair as "unprofessional," I don't know what is. We have to remember that not everyone views women's magazines with the same critical eye that we do, and that many people take them quite seriously as cultural tastemakers.
I'd better stop all these @ replies though, it's starting to look like Twitter up in here.
08/27/09
08/27/09
08/27/09
We know that people make assumptions about people of ALL races based on their appearance. What we're trying to say is that for women of color, it's different. And that some of us don't appreciate the fact that whenever women of color want to talk about something that has a unique effect on us, everybody jumps on the "me too" wagon and essentially tries to change the subject.
Because really, I have to wonder what that impulse is about. You say you have to maintain that it's not just a racial issue ... fine. People get that. What I don't get is why so many people feel the need to maintain that it's not just a racial issue on posts where race is the primary subject under discussion.
08/27/09
I don't think you're wrong that the issue of a beauty standard re: curly hair affects women of all races. I just think that this is a discussion that is meant, from the get-go, to be specifically about the experiences WOC have with their hair and how it is DIRECTLY tied to their race, because again, for them it is inseparable. Just as for you, your race is inseparable from your experience of your hair.
But there are already LOTS of conversations about beauty standards for white women, and for women in general. I think in this situation, there are WOC who just want to talk about their OWN experiences. Sorry for another novel! I've spent a lot of time thinking about this!
08/27/09
We are all different - it's difference that scares people and leads to racism. Should I really NOT weigh in with my experiences because this is a discussion of a race other than my own? I am of the opinion that that's dangerous too.
08/27/09
Am I allowed to? OK that was pushing it.
08/27/09
I think the stereotypes about curly haired women in general are different from the stereotypes about Black women with curly hair, and I think that some of the frustration in the comments might be that it's been notoriously hard on Jez to have a conversation about the latter without it turning into something else in the comments. Again, not saying other discussions/POVs aren't worth having, that's just not what the post was about, and I've heard frustration voiced.
EDIT: I just realised where I heard those frustrations....this thread. That was the initial topic of the thread. The lovely Vivelefat said "It really is a Black woman's issue. A lot of women don't know how to contribute to conversations that aren't about them. They don't understand that contribution isn't necessary. It's enough just to listen". That's the frustration I've seen and am responding to.
08/27/09
This article is specifically about the experiences of WOC's. And this posters response is directly addressing the frustration of the "but, me too!" type of response. It's like having a discussion about women's issues and having someone ask about men. Sure, men have issues to. But we're not discussing them, because their issues are already more of a priority in our culture. WOC's are constantly being asked to "understand" or validate this type of thing, if you think about it. Constantly being asked, in a discussion about something that effects them, to consider the other perspective as being of equal or at least somewhat equal scale. When it's not.
I get that people are just trying to say, hey, I can relate even in this small way. And that's nice. But it's not really relevant. Why do we need to make sure they know that in every conversation about it?
I don't think anyone is suggesting that a white person never weigh in. But I think it makes sense to be mindful of the fact that our experiences on a cultural level are not the same, no matter how similar the personal ones may be. And the reality is, if someone white (like myself) weighs in on a discussion that is so closely tied to a WOC's particular experience, I need to be aware that my perspective isn't necessarily needed. I'm not under-represented in discussions of the politics of beauty.
I hope you're kidding with the segregated/white post comment. That's really...confrontational. No one is segregating you. They're just gently reminding you that you may be inadvertently using privilege in this discussion.
08/27/09
When someone in the majority gets their feathers ruffled over the one blog post or one organization or one month focused on a group that they don't belong to, that is the very definition of privilege.
You know what happens every time Jezebel has a post about black women's hair? The longest thread ends up being about how white women want to know why it can't be about them. And frankly, I think that's bull.
08/27/09
I want to be able to be part of a conversation that's not about me too. I think it's the only way to truly try to understand an issue or appreciate another person's experience. But saying that people are imagining things, self-inflicting them or experiencing everything universally just shuts down a conversation.
08/27/09
08/27/09
08/27/09
I am not insulted when I am asked not to comment because it makes those who have traditionally had less of a forum to discuss their issues in feel as though they are not being heard. No one is telling me that my life is easy. No one is saying my experiences are inconsequential. No one is telling me I can never weigh in. All that is being asked is that I not compare my experiences to their own in this conversation because it makes it more difficult for them. I hardly think that is too much to ask.
08/27/09
I think you mean well and are frustrated yourself, but you are perilously close to invoking something called "The 'Tone' Argument".
I'm going to offer some links. *Please* go and read them BEFORE speaking again on the subject on the thread. (It's a suggestion, but it's a strong one.)
[www.google.com]
And if you say to yourself "It's too much" or "it's too long" or "I don't have time", ask yourself first how the people with whom you're currently struggling on this issue might perceive that. Ask yourself what message you might (unintentionally, and unconsciously) be conveying, instead of overfocusing on the messages you're currently receiving.
08/27/09
Other than than, I thought the article was really interesting. I didn't think about hair being a political and social statement, especially for black women (whether they wanted it to be or not). It sucks that people can't just wear hair the way they want it without being called out on the message they're supposedly sending.
08/27/09
I like this quote. If a black woman wants to wear her hair natural, great. If she wants to straighten it, that's fine too. If people really want "black hair" to stop being an issue, then let them wear it however they want without it being an issue. If white women can choose between curly, straight, wavy, long, short, etc., why can't black women? But seriously, stop talking about Sasha and Malia. I felt insanely self-conscious from ages 8-12, it would kill me if I knew that the freaking MEDIA was talking about my hair.
08/27/09
I just don't understand it.
08/27/09
08/27/09
For example, if there weren't "certain sensitivities" associated with what kind of hair black people have in the white community (I'll leave out being multiracial as that's a whole other, albeit related, issue set) -- c.f., black women being relieved of their employment by chains like the Marriott (I'm sure you're familiar with the lawsuit) or being tagged as "unprofessional" by Glamour magazine because they work at law firms wearing afros (you remember that coverage by Jezebel, yes?) -- well, my guess is that the sensitivities in the black community might be an awful lot less ... sensitive.
08/27/09
Also, if a white woman can perm her hair any day of the week she wants, why all the flack for a black woman to straighten? Oh, and white women straighten too!
08/27/09
Here's a couple of quick ones I found, via Womanist Musings (they're all different posts):
[www.womanist-musings.com]
[www.womanist-musings.com]
[www.womanist-musings.com]
I do, however, encourage you to go do some looking on your own.
08/27/09
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08/27/09
In the late 60's and 70's there was a reaction in the black community to the white beauty standard. Men and women started to grow Afro's and emphasize the beauty of blackness. So now what you do with your hair is a political statement: you're either self-accepting and proud of your heritage (but also 'nappy' and unprofessional) or you're a sell-out who bought in to the white beauty standard. A crap choice.
08/27/09
08/27/09
I wasn't being sarcastic. (If I were, a comment about you being so "touchy" might be appropriate here.)
But feel free to keep using interesting adjectives like "touchy" when you don't know me from Eve's housecat. For all you know, you and I might share more characteristics than you realize. But by all means, don't let that stop you from showing who you really are as a person by the shallowness of your commentary here.
08/27/09
08/27/09
(And it's not just "black" men either. Many men of color - Arab, Hispanic - are prone to the same crap. But the sexism is as embedded as the racism and the colorism, so we don't get to talk about that much.)
08/27/09
08/27/09
You read me right, and I apppreciate the back.
*terrorist fist-bumps you*
08/27/09
Conformity (meaning white as possible) was expected and going against that was political and making a statement.
Since braids were often worn by black women, they were disproportionately affected by these firings so it was ruled as discrimination. I didn't realize braids were extreme hairstyles. Are they still extreme? Are they more mainstream now because women can't be fired for their hairstyles? Are they still considered extreme but management can't do anything about them?
I'm sure people can and have writen entire thesises about black women's hair. I think Zahara's hair looks fine the way it is. Malia's twists are really cute but neither girl's hair should be an issue.
08/27/09
08/27/09
Why do I sometimes wear my hair straight?
Because it looks cute that way.
I'm not trying to trivialize this issue, because it's not trivial, but sometimes I, too, ask, "Why can't hair just be hair?"
It's so exhausting to always have to justify every fucking thing you do because someone may questions your motives.
08/27/09
Perhaps I am just naive.
08/27/09
08/27/09
*fails*