Says Forbes,

If executive women face challenges in the corporate world, these female culinary go-getters take even more heat. Restaurant kitchens, where every chef must train, are still male-dominated boot camps that often tolerate (or encourage) harassment and ridicule. Raising capital is tough in a world where financial networking is still very much a man's game. And dilemmas about family-work balance are especially frustrating, since a chef's schedule can be grueling and unpredictable.

Which goes some way towards explaining the low numbers of women in the restaurant field (besides pastry, with its more accomodating schedule), and the determination necessary for a female restauranteur to buck the trend - especially in this economy. Vets like Tracy Des Jardins, owner of a mini-empire in San Francisco, are rare, but for the past few years chef-owners like Gabrielle Hamilton, Michelle Bernstein and Anita Low have helped to define the recent trend in restaurants - small, local, perfectly achieved - which seems best poised to weather the recession. And new ventures by April Bloomfield and Sara Jenkins are among the most successful in a rough year for New York restaurants. Suggests Mary Sue Milliken, "But maybe from managing households and so forth, women manage better and know how to stretch resources."
How Women Are Heating Up The Restaurant World [Forbes]

Although foodies everywhere have applauded the First Lady's commitment to healthy eating in the form of a widely-publicized White House organic garden, food writer Amanda Hesser takes issue with Michelle's stated disinterest in that food's preparation.

When The Washington Post asked Mrs. Obama for her favorite recipe, she replied, "You know, cooking isn't one of my huge things." And last month, when a boy who was visiting the White House asked her if she liked to cook, she replied: "I don't miss cooking. I'm just fine with other people cooking." Though delivered lightheartedly, and by someone with a very busy schedule, the message was unmistakable: everyday cooking is a chore...Both times Mrs. Obama missed a great opportunity to get people talking about a crucial yet neglected aspect of the food discussion: cooking. Because terrific local ingredients aren't much use if people are cooking less and less; cooking is to gardening what parenting is to childbirth.

Now, the objections to this statement are obvious: Hesser (herself a busy working mom) acknowledges that the First Lady is a busy woman with a lot of important things on her plate, and it would be disingenuous to pretend that her life, or cooking opportunities, are like that of the average American. While food and cooking, to someone in the food world, is at this point not a gendered issue, to Michelle Obama it's probably not incidental to distance herself from generations of recipe-swapping First Ladies who aligned themselves firmly with the domestic. And because Mrs. Obama does not cook much these days does not imply unilateral scorn - Mrs. Obama has mentioned cooking in the past, they've hired a chef well-versed in organic and sustainable cooking, and this year's Easter Egg Roll incorporated a cooking class for kids. A garden can teach a lot about nutrition and the environment even to those who can't or don't have the opportunity to cook. And Mrs. Obama clearly enjoys and appreciates good, healthy food - perhaps as important as anything. Besides, should a First Lady have to censor her every word? Be an example and a role model at every turn? At the end of the day, probably a lot of people can relate to a First Lady who doesn't always talk from the script - and doesn't cook.

But that would, of course, be Hesser's point - that too many people can relate. And that every word, from someone so admired and imitated, is an opportunity. One could certainly argue that the food issue is one the Obamas have been strong-armed - and Anthony Bourdain and his Waters-hating ilk would likely argue just that. But having taken on an issue, one must see it through. And having acknowledged a crisis in our nation's diet, one can't separate the issue of cooking from it. Cooking is essential to changing the nation's habits - locavore restaurants are great, but it's not Blue Hill that's going to feed the man on the street. The issue here is a tricky one, though, because Mrs. Obama has to tread a fine line: while there's nothing remotely elitist or luxurious about scratch cooking to its champions, the simple truth is that this is far from a universal view, and Mrs. Obama would risk just as much criticism from devoting time to, say, a course of cooking classes, as by her current flippancy. Hesser suggests that watching the First Lady master the preparation of food would be a great example for the country, and it would - but if it's that important, it would be nice if her husband could be in there with her occasionally - and would do quite a bit to un-load the issue.

The Commander In Chef [NY Times]

As Wurtzel puts it in the Guardian, in the 80s and 90s, films - <"em>Fatal Attraction, Single White Female, The Hand That Rocks the Cradle, The Temp, Disclosure, almost any Sharon Stone vehicle" - featured a predatory single woman, deranged by loneliness, success, or lack of traditional fetters, making life a living hell for more stable people. While villainesses are nothing new, Wurtzel notes the distinction between the psycho career singleton of 80s vintage and the bored-housewife moll perfected by Barbara Stanwyck, Lana Turner and their shadow-dappled sisters. As she interprets it,

A free woman is a loose cannon who is so dangerous that everybody else needs body armour and a bullet-proof vest to survive an encounter with them. That this dangerous female is alone and vulnerable, compared to everyone else with their spouses and kids and pets and household staffs, seems not to be anything anyone is supposed to notice. Singleness, in these movies, is actually a form of psychosis rather than a relationship status.

Of course, it's not hard to see that for the era of the culture wars, the single predator was America's Godzilla, or Gort, handily vanquished in two hours and for the price of a ticket. Wurtzel's peg is the latest entry into the "single psycho" genre, the ridiculous catfight Obsession, in which Ali Later's deranged secretary's motiveless stalking proves that "the only lesson any man could learn from this movie is pretty much: 'Don't get out of bed in the morning - ever!'"

Looking at the recent roll-out of horror films, it seems like we could learn a little bit more. Unless it's motiveless, senseless malignancy - The Strangers, Funny Games, Red - which does correlate pretty well with the times actually, the main theme of horror films lately is, young women. Sure, sacrificial lambs of varying levels of resourcefulness are as old as Udolpho. But the girl-on-girl rivalries of The Uninvited, the demonic pregnancy possession of The Unborn , the psycho cheerleader of the upcoming Jennifer's Body the vagina dentata of Teeth - and did we mention the vampires? - shows that nowadays, the conflict is less married versus single than young women against the world, even when that means themselves. These are premises to which men are incidental, but that's not to say the trend's especially empowering. The SWF trend may have been a cautionary tale to those women who Chose Wrong...but nowadays, it seems like there is no safe choice anymore. But then, any internet catfight - or Wurtzel's meditation on againg - could have told you that.

Look Who's Stalking [The Guardian]
Earlier: Elizabeth Wurtzel: Aging is a Real Bitch

Before we get into the actual, you know, issue, a brief note: how annoying is the portrayal of childbirth in rom-coms? You know the drill: Knocked Up, Nine Months, She's Having A Baby, Father if the Bride 2: hilarious antics ensue! Particularly annoying is when the crazed mom-to-be starts screeching about how much she hates the guy for knocking her up! LOL! Here's an egregious and typical example of the genre, from the classic Fools Rush In. Start at 6:20.

Anyhoo. Many of said films feature a 'natural birth plan' which then leaves the woman screaming for drugs midway through. And a new Swedish study claims to give the lie to "natural is better" - or, at any rate, claims that natural childbirth classes are fairly useless. Says the Beeb,

More than 1,000 mothers-to-be took part in the Swedish trial, thought to be the first major analysis of the efficacy of such preparation for childbirth....They attended one of two classes: the first taught natural coping methods, the other emphasised pain relief. but the BJOG study found no difference in the use of epidurals between the women when they went into labour. Just over half the women in each group ultimately opted for the spinal analgesia which reduces or eliminates the pain of contractions.

While one natural-birth advocate claims this is no argument against antenatal education - which, at the very least, fosters partner cooperation and can lead to a sense of relaxation and control, a spokesman for the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists says, rather smugly, that "this research may temper the statements of the more pro-natural people."

It was our general impression that women who opted for natural childbirth - or indeed took prenatal classses - did so not because they were under the impression that lamaze could simulate the numbing effects of an epidural, but rather because they wanted to experience the birth sans drugs, or didn't wish to expose the infant to them. If a woman went into natural childbirth expecting a pain-free cakewalk, well, sure, that would be a pretty rude awakening. Doesn't everyone know that childbirth in the post-infant-mortality modern west is a warm-hearted farce in which the mother is temporarily transformed into a pain-crazed clown prior to the father's transformation upon holding his child for the first time? Clearly the "pro-natural people" need a dose of Matthew Perry-style reality (with amusing paramedics, of course!), stat.
Natural Birth Classes Questions [BBC]
Fools Rush In [YouTube]

Suraya Singh , says the Independent, developed a desire to see a "a classy erotica magazine that women like her would be happy to buy," when she found herself paging through a succession of interchangeably vapid ladymags during her lunch breaks while"working for an education quango." Men's mags, she observed, didn't seem to have a problem mixing the erotic and the frivolous; why shouldn't a woman's? So, she founded the self-funded quarterly Filament. As the website says, Filament is all about "images of men made for the female gaze," intelligent writing, and doesn't include "fashion and cosmetics, diets, or celebrity gossip."

Marketed as "the thinking woman's crumpet", the first issue features a semi-naked man in a praying position on its cover. Inside, artistic photoshoots of scantily clad male models are juxtaposed next to erotic short stories and erudite articles on off-beat topics such as the merits of being a geek. And if you tire of the sex, there's always a recipe for spicy celeriac bake to keep you busy.

Spicy celeriac bake aside, this is hardly a novel notion; the article describes successful women's porn as "a holy grail" of print media; Playgirl and Penthouse's For Women were, Singh feels, just about repackaging a gay male aesthetic rather than trying to figure out What Women Want, while Cosmo and their ilk treat sex alternately as something naughty or cherry-flavored. "Erotica," meanwhile, has often carried the tinge of "lovah"-inflected purple prose and horrifyingly cheesy images of Joy of Sex-style earnest shenanigans. Singh decided to take it to the streets, and her focus-testing showed that rather than Playgirl-style beefcakes, her target demo was more interested in "toned men with oval-shaped, often quite feminine faces," and she recruited models who met these criteria off the street. (Judging from the images on the website, we dig dudes who look like a cross between Donovan and Russell Brand.) So far, there's no full-frontal, but Singh isn't ruling it out.

But even if she nails the formula (whatever that is), "the thinking woman" can't help but wonder whether a print mag is really a practical concern: whatever the new openness towards female sexuality, surely the internet is a more likely target than a quarterly? As any hardcore mag can tell you, there's not much need for anyone to "buy erotica" nowadays. Perhaps hard-copy helps reinforce the idea of respectable, arty "erotica" as opposed to covert porn, but it seems like a large number of intelligent female sex writers and aggregation sites have already taken pretty large strides towards achieving Singh's goal - and with the web's bounty of media at their fingertips, no less. Of course, it's true you can't exactly read Literate Perversions on your lunch break - and Filament will, obviously, fill this void.

Can an ex-civil servant finally persuade women to buy erotica? [Independent]

Elizabeth Wurtzel is someone whom many blame for the current vogue in oversharing and personality-driven youthquaking. Privileged, fucked up, and, of course, pretty, Wurtzel's always had enemies whom she could dismiss, infuriatingly and with some justification, as merely jealous. Although a genuinely compelling writer and a defining voice of her generation, she's someone who's always mistaken candor as a substitute for insight. And with the narcissist's blithely narrow world-view, has always ascribed a universality to her own experiences, mistaking our voyeurism for empathetic commiseration.

Most of all, love her or hate her, Wurtzel was always a professional Young Woman. And as an ambassador of her generation, Wurtzel's aging process is of more than usual interest to the public she claimed as her due 20 years ago. Which makes this Elle article, "Failure to Launch: When Beauty Fades," incredibly depressing. Basically, Wurtzel is growing older. And, in her words, "people who say they have no regrets, that they don't look back in anger, are either lying or boring, not sure which is worse." Not for her serenity and wisdom. No, she is panicking at the thought of losing the power of her beauty, her hold over (horrible-sounding) men, desperate to preserve her youthful looks ("Thank God for La Mer and Retin-A and Pilates"). As she explains with characteristic candor, she was always a beautiful child, a "hot number," a woman who traded on her looks. And she misses it. While she sees the danger and futility of valuing beauty overmuch, she can't help it: panic trumps insight and she doesn't seem eager to stop it. And it's scary to see a smart and accomplished woman so openly in the thrall of others' opinions.

In Salon, Amy Benfer ruefully analyzes this depressing meditation on mortality, and comes away disheartened. While she dispatches Wurtzel's self-deception and lack of insight with a razor-sharp incisiveness (and do read it), there is, as she points out, no schadenfreude to the exercise: it's impossible to take any pleasure in such naked unhappiness. In a way, though, we're grateful to it. While one can't help but come away from "Failure to Lauch: When Beauty Fades" feeling really sad for its author, if she wants to cast herself as a cautionary tale, we're willing to learn the lesson. Early success, education, conventional beauty, a thin body - Wurtzel achieved everything we're taught to want, indeed, helped form the modern mold of what we want. We're told all the time that this isn't everything, but it helps a lot to have that reinforced by an essay like this. Teenage girls should read it. And then they should listen to another youth icon, now turning 50. It was, after all, Morrissey who said, "age shouldn't affect you. It's just like the size of your shoes - they don't determine how you live your life! You're either marvellous or you're boring, regardless of your age."

Failure To Launch: When Beauty Fades [Elle]

Confessions of a middle-aged "Bitch" [Salon]

We are a small boutique agency compiled of college educated, business orientated, attractive and articulate women. Austen's Janes Agency provides men with a companion for business events, parties, black-tie affairs, dinners, shows or simply an evening out. Being well traveled and passionate for adventure makes our girls the perfect companion for an interesting and exuberant evening. Our agency is not an adult service - but a way for sophisticated men to be accompanied by an intelligent and attractive woman of class.

AsThe Village Voice puts it, "For $60 an hour, the agency arranges for a smart young woman to accompany you, laugh at your jokes, and make you feel interesting and special. It may sound like just another escort service-with additional sex services available by negotiation-but it's not." In the Champagne Room that is Austen's Janes, hanky-panky is categorically forbidden, and as their site says, "a girl" may end a date if her suitor gets out of hand.

The girls in question are the site's three founders, 26-year-old friends who started the business, initially, as a joke. All unemployed, they decided they "might as well get paid" for the spate of bad dates they'd been going on, and posted a Craig's List ad as a goof. Since then, business has been brisk, and the women have been on a combined 35 dates, mostly with guys who are apparently on the level, many of them divorced, separated, or lonely. Clients can see the women's pictures and brief profiles on their website before choosing one. All dates must meet in public places. Most are dinner -and-movie affairs, but a few are, naturally, odd: one guy wanted to take his date for a pedicure; another felt paying for a date satisfied his need for an affair.

So, is it problematic? One of the founders, Julie, puts it like this to the Voice:

It is similar to a strip club, [in which] a man pays for, as Chris Rock reminds us, 'nothing,' but they get a beautiful woman to pay attention to them and act as if they are the center of the world when they need the attention...Women are often objectified in regular life-now we are finally getting paid for it without contracting any life-threatening diseases!"

It's the old choose-your-choices debate. Are the women being objectified? Sure. Are they in the business of fulfilling fantasies? Yup. is it their choice? You betcha (*wink.*) Some could argue that the withholding of sex is as problematic as a more straightforward sexual transaction, playing as it does into male notions of chastity and old-fashioned sexual politics. But certainly no one's questioning their right to do it - and obviously there's a market. One hopes none of the men who pay for the service have seen Can't Buy Me Love, Failure to Launch or any of the host of girlfriend-for-hire fantasies out there - or that they haven't watched too much Dollhouse. Because whether most of us could deal with the naked loneliness of the clients is another issue entirely.

See Dick Pay Jane: Chaste Dating for Cash [Village Voice]

Shockingly, it seems one can find love without being able to see: Damon Rose, writing on the BBC website, explains that, wait for it - he and other visually impaired people can still be attracted to someone's voice and, yes, personality. Even more shocking, blind people are not lofty saints who are immune to the shallowness of the sighted - always seeing people's inner beauty a la Laura Dern in Mask - it would seven seem that blind people just might have a range of personalities, inclinations, and characters.

But Rose's article is illuninating in this regard: the fact that those who cannot see are just as susceptible to our looks-obsessed culture is a testament to its destructive power. Rose relates this telling anecdote about his school for the blind:

I particularly remember a new girl arriving. No one took much notice in her first few weeks... until one lad said they'd heard she was blonde...Of course, few of her admirers could see her crowning glory, or even knew that blonde was a kind of light yellowy brown, but because "blondes" are talked about as desirable, and dare I say thought more attractive than darker haired people, she became very popular.

He also relates a story in which a blind guy dumps a woman he really likes after his sighted brother describes her as "a right dog." Explains Rose, "So insecure was he about the world and what image and attractiveness meant, that he felt he had to get rid of someone who could reflect badly on him because he didn't know any better. And on this occasion, he deferred to his brother who can see, after all." Those who cannot see, after all, are not automatically granted some new values system - they are still forced to live in the same world, listen to the same barrage of Access Hollywood and E!News Daily - and our societal "standards" are not so complicated that they can't be explained. After all, one could argue that what we consider attractive doesn't have much to do with our instincts or natures at this point: we're societally conditioned, and that can be taught to anyone.

There's a tendency in our culture to portray the blind, as we do so many with differences, as saintly. Characters like Dern's, Jane Wyman in Douglas Sirk weepie Magnificent Obsession or Elizabeth Hartman in A Patch of Blue are all pure of heart and able to see the souls within - all the while being conveniently and conventionally beautiful themselves. Blind men, on the other hand (think Scent of a Woman or the melodramatic Pride of the Marines) are frequently furious and bitter, railing against their fate. In this regard, one hopes that Slovakian documentary Blind Love, which chronicles a group of blind and partially-sighted people finding love, will bring a range of perspectives. However, is there something inherently problematic about treating this group of people as an "other" who need to be observed and understood? Or will such portrayals serve to increase understanding and emphasize the 'we're all people' bottom line that Rose's article does so well?

Love At No Sight [BBC]

Levi Johnston belongs to that particular breed of Americans Cast Into the Public Eye. And as we know, once you are Cast Into the Public Eye, you are absolutely powerless: you are compelled to sell tell-alls and cameo in movies and host reality shows because that is what society does to you. For every Jackie O, characterized by her devotion to privacy, we'll raise you an Octomom. In a world where 98% of humanity seeks out celebrity, we always feel bad for those few thrust into the spotlight after, say, a night of unprocted slap-and-tickle in the back of a Camaro. And then they go on Tyra. And Larry King. And the Today show. And do a GQ shoot. And, obviously, hire a publicist.


The Lifer: Brian Gerard "Kato" Kaelin
Prior Career: Full-time houseguest, part-time actor, wit
Claim to Fame: Incoherent and generally irrelevant testimony in the trial of the century
Cash-In: In 1998, he did a "speaking tour" titled The Sixteenth Minute, talking about not being famous anymore. Then he was on a show called House Guest where he crashed at the homes of other D-listers that never aired, and one called Gimme My Reality Show, plus pay-per-view Strip Poker.


The Example: Monica Lewinsky
Prior Career: Student, White House Intern
Claim to Fame: Did have "Improper relationship" with that man, William Jefferson Clinton.
Cash-In: 20/20 interview, Tom Green Show, SNL. Short-lived handbag line. Ill-advised interview with The Daily Mail after the publication of Clinton's biography.
Redemption: Now an Adult, Lewinsky has obtained a Master's from the London School of Economics and seems to be keeping out of the public eye.


The Pro: Ashley Alexandra Dupre
Prior Career: Aspiring singer, waitress, escort.
Claim to Fame: Slept with Client 9.
Cash-In :Appeared on 20/20. Dupre has allegedly hired a manager to help pursue her music career, and is in talks to develop a Tila Tequila-style reality dating show.


The Exploiter: Larry Birkhead
Prior Career: Photographer
Claim to Fame: Is the father.
Cash-In: Protective of his daughter's privacy, Birkehad has apparently hired full-time camera crew to document every moment of father-daughter bonding for such news sources as Us, OK, Life & Style, E!, Access Hollywood, and Entertainment Tonight. Sometimes he chills with Paris Hilton and talks about starring in a reality show with his toddler.


The Villain: Heather Mills
Prior Career: Model, activist.
Claim to Fame: Nasty divorce.
Cash-In: While married to Sir Paul, appeared on Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Post-divorce, called Stella McCartney "evil," gave hundreds of interviews, fired people, talked to press, threatened to sue press, appeared on Dancing with the Stars.


The Cautionary Tale: Jason Allen Alexander
Prior Career: Childhood friend, good old boy
Claim to Fame: What happened in Vegas, like most things that happen in Vegas, did not stay remotely near it.
Cash-In: Hired agent, entertained offers, appeared in British documentary, failed to strike while the iron was hot. There but for the grace of God goes Levi!


Psst! Your Handlers Are Showing, Levi [NYT]

A psychotherapist who converted to Judaism 20 years ago, Stanton will be ordained in Cincinnatti, where she attended HUC-JIR, the rabbinical school of the Reform movement. Although raised in a Pentecostal family, Stanton says her mother encouraged her to pursue her own spiritual path, and the social and community, as well as spiritual, aspects of Judaism appealed to her from an early age. When she joins Congregation Bayt Shalom in Greenville, North Carolina in August, she will establish another landmark by becoming the first African-American rabbi to lead a majority white congregation. Says Stanton, "My goals as a rabbi are to break down barriers, build bridges and provide hope...I look forward to being the spiritual leader of an inclusive sacred community that welcomes and engages all."

There has always been a small African-American Jewish community, although it's hard to quantify since, says Lewis Gordon, founder of the Center for Afro-Jewish Studies at Temple University, black Jews have historically practiced in private, or in segregated communities where neither blacks nor Jews were particularly welcome. In the past 15 years, the black Jewish community has grown substantially. The Institute for Jewish and Community Research estimates that at least 20 percent of American Jews "are racially and ethnically diverse by birth," an increase due largely to growing rates of intermarriage, and the increasing prominence of the Reform Movement, which emphasizes diversity in the community.

It's not always an easy path. African-American converts can face prejudice from both communities. As Stanton puts it, "My Christian friends disowned me and Jews questioned." Stanton speaks of the racial bigotry her daughter experienced while she was studying in Israel, and Latesha Jones, who since her conversion in Atlanta now goes by Elisheva Naomi Chaim, says there are always congregants "that will look at me strangely because I'm black." Chaim also talks about the confusion of some members of her Christian family, including an aunt who declared she was going to hell. For some converts of mixed background, there's a definite sense of coming home, redisocvering distant roots. And for others, there's a natural kinship. One rabbi talked to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution about the conversion process:

He asks every convert: "Why would you ever want to be Jewish? Don't you know how many people hate us?"...The black converts respond differently, he said. They look at him as if to say: "Welcome to my world."

Stanton's ordination faces disapprobation from the Orthodox community - but due to her sex. Female rabbis are still not accepted by more religious Jews, although the first Reform female rabbi was ordained in 1974. However, for the most part, she speaks of the acceptance and openness she's experienced. Particularly moving is her account of receiving her acceptance letter to rabbinical school. Recounts the Jewish Journal, "she immediately went to pick her daughter up at the black Pentecostal church where her mother was playing the piano for choir practice. Announcing her achievement, Stanton received a standing ovation from the choir." Says the head of her new congregation, "Rabbi Stanton energized this community in a way that was really impressive, across all lines. I think that she's a special person."

Alysa Stanton Becomes First Female Black Rabbi [ABC]

A Black Woman's Journey To The Rabbinate In North Carolina [CNN]
Judaism Drawing More Black Americans [Atlanta Journal-Constitution]
Rocky Road To The Rabbinate [Jewish Journal]

Writes the seeker,

Q. I am a widow with a 15-year-old daughter. I have been going out with someone for six months but he lives and works abroad and I usually go and see him. On the few occasions when he has come to stay with me and my daughter in England, she has been absolutely poisonous towards him. (She is just jealous. He is a very nice man.) Now he has invited us both to stay with him for a fortnight in the summer in his holiday house in Italy and I am at my wits' end to know how I can get my daughter to behave on this holiday and prevent her from putting him off me because the ‘baggage' is too difficult to handle. What can I do?

Freud: I'm leaving this one alone.

Marie Antoinette: I don't understand. Why don't you just stay at separate chateaux?

Vladimir Nabokov: Urbane, European boyfriend? Bratty 15-year-old daughter? Selfish, widowed mother? This should end well!

Joan Crawford: Isn't there a bathroom somewhere she should be cleaning?

Nathan Bedford Forrest: I hate Italians.

Little Edie Beale: She's jealous? YOU'RE JEALOUS!

Oscar Wilde: I find you unspeakably tedious.

Dorothy Parker:
You're boyfriend's married,
You're daughter's a pill.
I wish I didn't, but
I know that drill.

Lizzie Borden: Watch your back.

Dare Wright: Why don't you just live together, do elaborate photoshoots and play with dolls? What is this "going out" of which you speak?

Joseph Smith: And why is this young woman yet unmarried?

Jack Kerouac: Fuck You

Your problems solved [SpectatorUK]

Earlier: What To Do When You're In Love With Your Sister's Widower?

Such marriages are not uncommon: in poor and remote areas such as these, up to 30% of couples are married by a mullah and don't bother registering - a formality that fell by the wayside during the civil war of the 1990s, when many parents wanted to afford young daughters the relative security of marriage and the civil government was barely functioning. But it's only recently that husbands have started taking advantage of it, many leaving to find work in Russia, getting equally unofficial "talaaqs" or religious divorces so they can remarry and gain legal status, and leaving their wives high and dry. As Zebo Davlatova, of the League of Women Lawyers, tells the BBC, "Without official registration women have no right to demand their husbands provide them with somewhere to live or to pay anything at all to support the children," and often end up in other unrecognized marriages for security - as second or third wives. This is not unique to Tajikistan - there are thousands of such cases - and a problem for which, as women's advocates say, there's simply no easy answer.

The Muslimah Media Watch addressed the story today, and while they acknowledge the real tragedy of such situations, ask that we not view this as simply another tale of woe pertaining to women who are victims of a patriarchal Muslim culture - "the Orientalist theme of the weak, emasculated Muslim society that abuses women" - and points out that it's important to remember that "the real problem isn't the nikaah or talaaq, but the fact that neither of these are documented." Obviously it's larger cultural perceptions of women, and the dependent and vulnerable role they're forced into, that permits this sort of tragedy - but as MMW is at pains to point out, it's important not to conflate this with Islam as a whole. What is depressing to conceive of is the fact that thousands of men have been able to abandon their families so callously, and far more of a comment on human nature than anything else. It's not as if, after all, they don't know what they are leaving them to. Says Marhaba, "He registered his marriage with that other woman and I hear they live happily and in prosperity. But look at this shack me and the children have to live in now. They can't even go to school, because I can't afford it and they don't have birth certificates."

Legal limbo for Tajik Islamic brides [BBC]
Always an Unregistered Wife, Never a Bride [Muslimah Media Watch]

Missbehave, the Brooklyn-based alternative ladymag with a cult following, is hanging up its Poste Mistress heels. While the print version folded last year, the quick demise of the online entity - and the fact that Samantha Moeller chose to announce it casually on her personal blog, has taken some aback. Writes Moeller,"The Hipster Mom" (which just might have been a sign of changing winds to the observant)

I've been doing a lot of thinking since I went away and well I might as well just come straight out with it….I'm not going to be working on Missbehave anymore. Ouch. It hurts to say out loud. I haven't issued a statement on the site yet but I thought that I would take baby steps and start here. It's sad because Missbehave was my life for so long. It was once a great Magazine and with time could have become a really great website, but it seemed like each week my pregnancy sunk in, the more my head was somewhere else, like here, writing about funny stuff that happens at the playground or my toddler shopping addiction. I'll admit it, my lifestyle is changing. I can hardly believe that I'm going to have 2 f*cking kids! It all happened so fast, and let me tell you, the idea of the second is a doozy. A toddler and an infant scares the sh*t outta me! It's not that Missbehave won't always be part of my lifestyle, but the fact is I'm ready to move on. My first piece of business is to be a, I can't believe I'm about to say this…a s-s-s-tay at home m-m-m-om or a housewife or whatever you call it, for a little while anyway. Actually, I'm going to name my new position ‘Mom About Town'. That's better!

While some are critical of the way Moeller handled the news (we're not even going to get into the kerfuffle in the comments section with a disgruntled employee) the vast majority of her commenters are very supportive of her decision.

Supportive: good luck with everything samantha-if you have the means to stay at home and raise your kids then that is awesome and you are truly blessed.

Defiant: Why do we have to lose our identity over life changes?...since when now do we have to do what society dictate.if you want to be a housewife or a stay at home mom, so be it!
there is not enough cool, hot and hip moms like you in that area; so welcome to the dark side!

Philosophical: I congratulate you on your decision. Its not that I have to agree with it, or that anyone else has to, other than yourself...what is important is that you are comfortable with your decision and that it suits you. In the end that is what feminism is about, not doing something because society or a handful of people suggest you should but rather doing what you feel is best for you and your life. Whether that decision is staying in a job or staying home matters not.

Just sayin': Sam working hard and creating missbehave entitles her to do whatever the fuck she wants. just sayin.

Angry: Way to fucking set an example for thousands of young women everywhere. In 2009, it's okay to be a manicured, bon-bon eating housewife?...Bitch please. Get a nanny. I'll be your fucking nanny. Just do something positive, instead of being stuck in the goddamn fifties.

The Last Word: We as women need to support each other because only we know what an amazing journey it is to be a female. When other bitches bash girls on blogs and shit like this especially in such a low blow catty, crazed with jealousy way it really disgusts me and makes my skin crawl. I've had it done to me before and it just sucks. And its just such a bad look!

Missbehave, R.I.P.

This Hoe Just Got Turned Into A Housewife… [The Hipster Mom]
Missbehave Mag [Official Site]

At first glance, we thought, oh, this is another Breast cancer Awareness pinkening, albeit a weird one. Or, you know, maybe some reference to the third Sunday in Lent, or French academic medicine! But, no, doesn't look like it. AV Club does a swell job skewering the absurdity, offensiveness and general reek of desperation of this ludicrous marketing gambit, and we can do no better. But in our minds, this raises a few important questions:

1. How many boys are playing with Ouija boards? Maybe some eccentric neo-goth with an affected Alastair Crowley fixation, but isn't it primarily a slumber-party thing at this point? I'd guess that this is already a pretty lady-friendly product.

2. What the hell kind of guiding spirit is this aberration going to attract? Glinda the Good Witch? Jayne Mansfield? Roxy Carmichael? (Okay, that would actually be incredible.) Way to take all the creepiness and mystery and point out of it, Parker Bros.! Even Edgar Cayce wouldn't think this dud was capable of conjuring the devil!

3. Does this herald a new movement of Barbie-Spiritualism? Watch this space for rose-tinted ectoplasm and bubble-print, heart-dotted, automatic-writing kits!

Girls Like To Look At Pink While Contacting The Dead [AV Club]
The pink oujia board [The F Word]

Isis was angry to read the following:

As female students increasingly dominate in science competitions across the country, educators are facing a conundrum that requires more social analysis than hard science: Boys are not just getting beaten by girls — they're not even showing up..."We're beginning to have concerns," said Reni Barlow, executive director of Youth Science Canada, a national organization that oversees the national and regional science fairs in its mandate to foster Canada's future generation of scientists. Educators are searching for new tools to lure more boys back into the fold. In Quebec, where girls made up 68 per cent of students at this year's provincial science fair, regional organizers recently created a program focused on technology and robotics — deliberately promoting fields where boys have traditionally shown the most interest. Youth Science Canada recently launched a mentorship program that it hopes will inspire more boys to continue in the footsteps of Canada's top male researchers.

Responds Isis,

The same is true for many women in science and academia. White male members of these spheres may think they've plugged the holes, but they lack the reference to appreciate cultural differences that put pressure on women to leave professional careers. I'll never forget being 20 years old and in college, going home to meet the parents of a boy I was dating. After dinner, the boy's father leaned over, pinched my hip, and told his son, "¡Qué bueno, hijo! Ella tiene cintura perfecta para estar embarazada."...I am so pleased that young girls are becoming better represented in science and I certainly hate to think that young boys are not pursuing science. However, to conflate this with the success of women in science is short-sighted and fails to appreciate the complexity of the factors that keep women from transitioning from trainee to career scientist.

She does a superb job of outlining the obvious responses to this line of reasoning, and as a working scientist and a teacher, she's in a good position to do so. And as a commenter points out, these very encouraging statistics about girls in science don't take the longer view, with its social and societal pressures into account: a girl who loves science may well not make it her field of study or her eventual career.

And at the end of the day, isn't this really two issues? As Isis points out, it's very possible to be thrilled by such gains for women and still be distressed to see boys losing interest in science, or any other field of study. To 'blame' boys' disinterest on girls' success does a disservice to both. Why must this become a source of resentment and defensiveness, perceived as success at the expense of others - isn't it this attitude as much as anything causing the polarity? Sure, we may not live in a vacuum, a utopia of equality, but it's a privilege of childhood that for a few years, kids can believe they do. Writes one commenter on the ScienceBlog post, "Those mean old girls are outcompeting the poor widdle boys in science fair. EMERGENCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And yeah, that's probably how most of us feel, this level of hyperbole at what should be celebrated and cheered in a world where men have the upper hand. But these kids are also individuals, and whatever the larger social truths of their advantages and privilege, their losing interest in science is an emergency. But in the acrimonious world of "boys versus girls" it seems like sometimes "kids" gets lost, and that's a shame. 68% smart women at a science fair, the fact that the three top winners at this year's Intel Science Competition are girls, is wonderful, a triumph for women, but also for scientists and smart people - an example, ideally, to all kids rather than a source of divisiveness to adults.
There Are Too Many Girls in Science! Let the Boys Back In! [ScienceBlog]

At the science fair, girls dominate the class [Globe and Mail]
Three Young Women Win Top Honors at World's Largest Pre-College Science Competition [DDJ]

The case, detailed in today's NY Times, is heart-wrenching. The family was on vacation in Miami when Lisa collapsed, and when they arrived at the hospital a social worker allegedly told Langbehn that she was in an "antigay city and state" and would require health-care proxy forms in order to visit the ER. Although she produced the forms, she was still not allowed to see her partner for eight hours, only permitted access for five minutes while a priest administered last rites, and denied a chance to let the three children say goodbye until after Lisa was brain-dead. When Lisa's sister arrived, she was immediately admitted.

This Miami lawsuit, and a similar case in Washington State, raise an issue that is not a new one; hospital visiting rights is a common theme in the argument for gay marriage. And of course, a positive ruling vis a vis visiting rights could have major implications for all unmarried couples, to say nothing of friends and any number of relationships beyond traditional marriage. If successful, a ruling in Langbehn's favor could compel hospitals to respect a patient's wishes; right now, it's generally subject to a doctor's judgment in the case of emergency care.

Of course, there are legitimate legal reasons for having put such a policy in place - when it comes to questions like life support or other major decisions, it could conceivably get dicey to allow just anyone agency in these matters, to say nothing of legally problematic for hospitals. And certainly we get that you can't have various strangers wandering around the ICU, if that's what medical pros are concerned about. But surely there are simple, practical means of expanding this policy - the insurance equivalent of 'in case of emergency?' In a time when we're more than aware of the fragmentation of many family relationships and the importance of others, such restrictive policies and narrow definitions seem impossibly retrograde - and, when we hear about specific cases like this, inhumane. One of the more depressing aspects of the article, of course, is that legality is not guarantee of fairness - prejudice and cruelty can still find a way - but at least it's a start.

Kept From a Dying Partner's Bedside [NY Times]

Robin Givhan has a typically thoughtful piece in yesterday's Washington Post about notions of beauty: specifically, having out expectations overturned. "As much as people like to pretend that looks don't matter, there are archetypes ingrained in our subconscious about what certain kinds of people are supposed to look like." She brings up the examples of Elizabeth Edwards - steely and pragmatic where we expect maternal warmth - and Wanda Sykes, whose recent charges of "gone too far" outrageousness she contrasts with the pass we'd give a similar 'firebrand' like Bill Maher. And then there's Carrie Prejean.

Writes Givhan,

When Prejean's inquisitor, the blogger known as Perez Hilton, asked about same-sex marriage, no one was really expecting her to say anything beyond some mumbled combination of the words "world peace," "love" and "tolerance." But then she had the nerve to have an opinion — however awkwardly stated. And not only that, it wasn't the point of view the audience expected from a 22-year-old blonde who happily struts her surgically enhanced stuff in a bikini on national television in the sort of competition that has inspired more than a few drag shows. Prejean took a conservative stance. And in the cultural field guide, she is not what a conservative woman who puts her Christianity out there for public consumption is supposed to look like.

See, I read that very differently. Maybe - happily - Givhan and I don't have exposure to the same crop of stereotypes, but I think Prejean conforms pretty exactly to people's idea of such a woman's opinions. Sure, there's the stereotype of the grim conservative. But the bubble-headed conservative sorority girl is every bit as much of a trope. Maybe this is a newer product - that of the Real World generation, which does a brisk trade in glamorous conservatives who need their minds opened by equally token minorities or gay people. A character like ANTM's Clark - a token glamorous conservative - is familiar to any viewer of reality TV. And far from counteracting any liberal stereotype, it reinforces them: what is more satisfying, after all, than being able to class a dissenting view with the retrograde banality of pageant life, the air-head cliches of the beauty contestant? Pageants - like opposition to gay marriage - are not just anathema to the average sophisticate, but wholly inexplicable. Prejean may be a new archetype, but she's an archetype nonetheless: in the Sarah Palin mold. To this roster we can add Palin's daughter, Bristol, now public figure and Living Example, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, from whom we expect adorably shrill incoherence, and Meghan McCain, who's been at pains to balance her image with a dose of topical frivolity. Ann Coulter and Laura Ingraham, sharp and predatory, have been supplanted by unthreatening young women who see no contradiction between espousing Conservative - even Christian -values and enjoying Spring Break.

To smart conservatives, this can hardly be encouraging: Cheney-style paternalism and these vague ingenues as the pop-cultural face of a movement. For years, the charge of emotion unbacked by facts has been leveled at left-wingers, and now this perception is nothing if not bipartisan. The Carrie Prejean "scandal" has done nothing to challenge anyone's views - conservatives still feel victimized by media, liberals still feel confidently superior, everyone is comforted by Donald Trump's comfortingly consistent absurdity.

Words Mistaken At Face Value [Washington Post]

Farming, as we know, is rough. Chris Rohrlach, a New South Wales sheep farmer, had fallen prey to a drought and crop failure, and with a small child, a baby on the way, and a wife whose medical care (she was rendered quadriplegic after a stroke) was more than he could afford, the answer was obvious: a brothel.
As the Independent recounts, Rohrlach and a friend built First Choice Stress Relief from scratch, with his wife's blessing, "with polished timber floors, a solid pine reception desk and four "working rooms", one with a spa, another with mirrored walls and ceiling." While the brothel was legal, the small town of Inverell, conservative and Christian, was appalled and mounted protests. The town's remote location made it hard to "attract staff," especially younger sex workers who were more inclined to go for the opportunities of bright lights, big city. Oh, and Rohrlach was totally unsuited to the pimpin' life. Says the article, "he hated the late hours, and felt uncomfortable around the staff and customers." These, you see, were problems. So, not shockingly, the business closed after less than a year, Rohrlach took a big financial hit, and he's gone back to farming.

The doomed enterprise, the story's tragic undertones - and the conflation of doting father and incompetent brother-owner - proved a compelling subject to filmmaker Safina Uberoi, who chronicles the disconnect in a new documentary A Good Man. We're eager to see it, as it seems to offer a unique perspective on sex work and people's reactions to it. One thing that's immediately striking about the story is that Rohrlach seems to have been totally shocked by people's reactions to, what seemed to him, as straightforward an enterprise as farming. And yet, clearly he was personally uncomfortable with sex work, which mirrors the attitudes of a lot of people. We're thinking the combo of "good guy" and "stern moralists" is going to be a quirk film in 3...2...1, although whether it'll be a Full Monty-style romp or a serious look at the issues involved depends entirely on what Australian actors are available.

The Saga Of The Worst Little Whorehouse In Australia [Independent]

In 1859, two Devon sisters, aged 12 and 13, began drawing an elaborate series of illustrations which portrayed the girls, in miniature, being pusused by a series of realistically-rendered insects. Educated from home, the girls studied animal life in their garden, and the drawings demonstrate a detailed knowledge of entomology. Now on display for the first time, a spokesman calls the work, according to the Telegraph, "one of the most inventive, accurate and humorous amateur natural history albums ever made."

The two children, the youngest of 11, were daughters Rear Admiral Sir Thomas Sabine Pasley, Admiral Superintendent of Devonport Dockyard in Plymouth. Both appear to have gone on to marry and have families, and did not continue with their artwork or study of nature. But their juvenalia remains of interest to scientists, historians and art-lovers, who regard it as both a marvel of outsider art and a fascinating historical record of a time when natural science had gripped the public imagination.

The notebooks will be on view at Cornwall's 16th century Mount Edgcumbe until September 30. We're booking our tickets at once.

Victorian Sisters Recorded Magical World Of Their Garden [Telegraph]

• In a 90's flashback, Kate Moss sings on the Lemonheads track "Dirty Robot." It's mostly her Rex Harrisoning "You're a dirty robot" over an electronica track. Is moderately awesome. [Fashionologie via Dazed Digital]

• The Paris Museum, which is putting together an exhibit on the creation of the "Kate Moss myth," has postponed it due to the overwhelming body of submissions. [WWD]
• The new Bjorn Borg store in SoHo may seem like an odd recession gamble, but the brightly-hued panty-and-tennis emporio sure is cute! [Fashion Week Daily]
• The latest crop of H&M's Designers Against AIDS includes Dita Von Teese, Katy Perry, Yoko Ono, and Cyndi Lauper. Bring it! [Just Jared]
• Maybe it's karma? H&M sales are slightly up, prompting hopes of a rebound. [Reuters]
• Or maybe it's the runaway success of its Matthew Williamson collection? They've re-stocked! [Racked]
• The tanking economy has led to a new phenomenon of high-end discount retail: think Filene's, um, parlor? [Reuters]
• John Bartlett, who was, apparently, a major fashion bad boy for a while, now has a really grown-up apartment full of dogs. [WSJ]
• Ouch: Nordstrom posts a 32% profit decline. [The Street]
• And Eddie Bauer, around whom sales rumors are swirling, has more than doubled its losses. [The Street]
• And if you're hoping for a reprieve, stop reading: Nike's cutting 1,750 jobs worldwide. [MSNBC]
• Abercrombie and Fitch is still in free fall, re-strategising like mad. [WSJ]
• Meanwhile, U.S.-made apparel prices, while down for April, are up for the year. [WWD]
• Necessity being the mother of globalization, Oscar de la Renta's hoping to boost worldwide sales by expanding to the Arabian Gulf. [WWD]
• Neither Soon-Yi Previn nor Mia Farrow will be called to testify in the Battle of the Nebbishes, Woody Allen versus American Apparel. Maybe because they have nothing to do with the case? [Reuters]< li>More previews of the Anna Wintour 60 Minutes interview! It's actually really dull! "It's very important to me that I look good when I go out publicly...I like looking at my clothes rack in the morning and deciding what to pick out. I enjoy fashion, Morley, I mean, I wouldn't be in this job if I didn't." [New York]
• Meanwhile, the editrice is teaming up with New York hizzoner Michael Bloomberg for an initiative to jump-start NYC retail. [WWD]
• We're only so-so excited about Tracy Feith's upcoming line for Target, which feels more fast and girlish than really adaptable. "Think super-short skirts, bloomer shorts and ruffled bikinis. Feith is known for his spirited, acid-floral prints and here, some are better than others." [LA Times]
• Talking "fast," Forever21 is rolling out a new "contemporary" line, Love21. Not sure what this means, as it's not like the current clothes are exactly "vintage." [Fabsugar]
• Jessica Hart, who apparently made waves (sorry) in the SI swimsuit issue, will be hitting the Victoria's Secret runway. But wait, we don't remember her appearance on The City! What did she do? [News.com.au]
• Speaking of The City! Is Olivia Palermo moving to Elle? But what about her special assignment to Paris? [New York Post]
• Read it and weep: some truly amazing vintage couture is going under the hammer in Paris in July. [WWD]
• Karl Lagerfeld was two hours late for a dinner in Venice. But doesn't he travel with his own boiled quail or something anyway? [Style.com]
• Louis Vuitton has funded artist Richard Prince's latest public installation: wrapping the Hong Kong Museum of Art in pulp fiction covers. [WWS]
• In concert with Cannes, Louis Vuitton is collaborating with Spanish actress Rossy de Palma on a $546 fan. We're sure Lagerfeld will eye it longingly, like a high school love. [WWD]