ex-factor - Jezebel

posts about #exfactor more →
Becoming Friends With The Ex-Girlfriend

Your version of Internet Explorer is not supported. Please upgrade to the most recent version in order to view comments.

Dsmvwl Admin Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×

Remedios Varo can't see no huevos.
06/18/09

In reply to Becoming Friends With The Ex-Girlfriend
My girlfriend is friends with her ex-girlfriend, which I tolerate. However, the ex-girlfriend's current boyfriend is extremely uncomfortable with their friendship and has apparently asked her to cut my girlfriend out of her life. I don't even like or talk to the ex-girlfriend but that just made me angry. What a douche.
Reply

Pocahaunted
06/18/09

In reply to Becoming Friends With The Ex-Girlfriend
I always try to be friends with the exes, and most times it works. However I am a little wary now, after the ex of I guy I was CASUALLY dating a few weeks ago tried to push me down a flight of stairs.

She was mad. Crazy mad. They had been broken up for six months. I feel bad for girls like this, I wanted to hug her and tell her to move on but I guess I was not the right person to attempt this kind of intervention.
Reply

Pocahaunted was starred Pocahaunted was unstarred

sciencerules
06/18/09

In reply to Becoming Friends With The Ex-Girlfriend
So, Mr. Sciencerules's ex from high school works at a jewelry store. She's giving him an employee discount on my engagement ring. I have no problem with this--they dated in high school and college, they barely speak now, and their main form of interaction is picking out a ring for me? This is not a problem. I'm friends with most of my exes as well, and his one-night stands call him fairly frequently to try to start things back up.
Reply

sciencerules was starred sciencerules was unstarred

The Queen of No
06/18/09

In reply to Becoming Friends With The Ex-Girlfriend
I once dated a guy who ended up cheating on me and he gave me the impression that she was fully aware of our relationship, but didn't care. She pursued him so I dumped him. I hated both of them. Well, about 9 months later he did the same shit to her after she had moved 500 miles to be with him.. I felt the need to contact her and offer a sort of olive branch. Turns out he was lying to her about our relationship and vice versa. We bonded over this and became best friends. We are SO alike that it's not shocking he wanted to date us both. Best thing I ever got from a break-up!
Reply

The Queen of No was starred The Queen of No was unstarred

sybann
06/18/09

In reply to Becoming Friends With The Ex-Girlfriend
I'm with Sadie on this - if you've had a significant relationship with someone over a period of years, it's really odd to stop all contact with that person. Unless they're a psycho - and chances are if the relationship is of longstanding they're probably not. I can't help but resent not being able to touch base with someone because of a new relationship.
Reply

sybann was starred sybann was unstarred

taranwanderer
06/18/09

In reply to Becoming Friends With The Ex-Girlfriend
I can only count one of my ex's as a friend. This post and subsequent thread is now making me think like there is something wrong with me for cutting the rest of my exes out of my life like cancerous tumors. So many Jezzies are friends with their exes!

...And then I remember that my later exes were crazy and there's a very healthy reason why they're no longer in my life. Also that I have bad taste in men.
Reply

taranwanderer was starred taranwanderer was unstarred

Aesop's Foibles. YES.
06/18/09

In reply to Becoming Friends With The Ex-Girlfriend
Oh man. Sore, sore subject. I had the.....pleasure...of meeting Mr. Foibles' ex last summer. He dated her for a few years in high school-yes, I know, it was ten years ago-but they would still speak occasionally. And he's also friends with her sister, whom I've met and actually really like. Anyway, it was a big shittin deal because Mr. Foibles never really had another girlfriend after h.s. That probably sounds outrageous, but he's really really shy, and while his friends were macking girls at the bar, he was the guy in the corner drinking by himself. Aw. Anyway, the ex had called him shortly after we opened our shop; she wanted an appointment for an oil change. He told me when she was coming and I marked it on the calendar with total dread. So the day came, she arrived, and.....SHE IS THE MOST WRETCHEDLY BEAUTIFUL GIRL I'VE EVER SEEN. Not kidding. Oh my God. So I kind of stammered all over the place and as soon as I could, I beat it out of there and went home and cried in the bathroom. I don't know, I just felt like throwing up. Like, hey, here's the girl I used to have sex with! Ain't she something? Ugh. I was ashamed of myself afterwards, and still am to this day. It was just so, so bad. Moral of the story? Meeting ex gf's is something I am not good at. Crying and vomiting, though.....I got that covered.
Reply

Jeremy
06/18/09

In reply to Becoming Friends With The Ex-Girlfriend
Sadly, I can't maintain relationships with my exes. Psychologically, something happens to me, one. Where I can't bear to look at them after I've broken up with them. Two, since several of them wanted to marry me and I didn't want to marry them, it's hardly an amicable situation. There are a lot of hard feelings.
Reply

Jeremy was starred Jeremy was unstarred

Jeremy
06/18/09

@Jeremy: This uncomfortableness extends to the people I date after them as well.
Reply

Jeremy was starred Jeremy was unstarred

haguenite
06/18/09

In reply to Becoming Friends With The Ex-Girlfriend
I think whatever floats everyone's boat is fine, as long as everyone is okay and comfortable and whatever.

My father's new wife was of the opinion that everyone could be friendly and cordial. My mother could not handle this. My father's new wife would mock her for this, in front of us. That? Is not the way.
Reply

haguenite was starred haguenite was unstarred

misspell
06/18/09

In reply to Becoming Friends With The Ex-Girlfriend
I am pretty good friends with all my exes, and extremely good friends with two of them, and I could never be with someone that wasn't cool with it. Partly it's because that seems a little domineering to me, and partly it's because then I would suspect that the new guy would have a different view of relationships than I do; I fully expect that if I love someone enough to be with them for a long time, I love them enough to stay friends pretty much forever, even after the romantic relationship expires.

This probably all relates back to the fact that my first love and I broke up in the most peaceful and amazing way possible, and it has made me believe that everyone can act like adults even when a relationship sours. It's a blessing and a curse.
Reply

misspell was starred misspell was unstarred

hfree
06/18/09

In reply to Becoming Friends With The Ex-Girlfriend
I don't think I've befriended an ex or new girlfriend who wasn't already friends with prior to their relationship. Oh College.
Reply

hfree was starred hfree was unstarred

kkatt
06/18/09

In reply to Becoming Friends With The Ex-Girlfriend
I am fully on board with the When Harry met Sally theory. I have one ex (boyfriend from 10th grade) that is an acquaintance and we don't hang out. I was invited to his wedding, but I got the distinct feeling that it might be weird I was there. And we had dated 15 years ago.
Reply

kkatt was starred kkatt was unstarred

taranwanderer
06/18/09

@kkatt: Word. I can't be super buddy-buddy with a non-single guy friend and I wouldn't appreciate a boyfriend hanging out all the time with a single girl friend. It just doesn't make sense to me.I would be wondering why they feel the need to hang out without me, and for me, why would I want to chum around alone with some guy other than my best guy friend?

I could be missing something here, but I dunno.
Reply

taranwanderer was starred taranwanderer was unstarred

dirtybee
06/18/09

In reply to Becoming Friends With The Ex-Girlfriend
Aside from two, I don't befriend my ex's. My breakups have been painful, and it took me YEARS to befriend the two ex's I communicate with - and that's once in a few months. That being said, if I was dating a guy that had a genuine, non-sexual friendship with an ex, and she was cordial and nice to me, I'd see no problem with it whatsoever.
Reply

dirtybee was starred dirtybee was unstarred

CollegeCamel
06/18/09

In reply to Becoming Friends With The Ex-Girlfriend
I've only had one boyfriend, he's only had one ex, and she sounds like the devil. So I won't be trying this anytime soon.
Reply

CollegeCamel was starred CollegeCamel was unstarred

colormeroutine
06/18/09

In reply to Becoming Friends With The Ex-Girlfriend
I do not stay friends with exes. I have tried it, and it has never worked out (with the exception of guys I wouldnt really consider "exes" that I only dated briefly and just didn't feel a romantic connection with). My thinking is that if we still wanted to be close, if our relationship still worked, we would still be dating.

My boyfriend, however, is still friends with many of his exes and friends with benefits. Some of it I'm ok with and some of it I'm not. The girl he dated briefly years before I met him and they've been friends since? love her to death

The girl he dated briefly while we were broken up for a few months who flipped the fuck out when we got back together and now months later is suddenly showing up again with random late night texts and invitations to double date? creepy
Reply

colormeroutine was starred colormeroutine was unstarred

Earlier discussions Other discussions Show all discussions Show featured discussions only Start a new discussion

#exfactor

Jezebel

SUBSCRIBE TO Jezebel

Becoming Friends With The Ex-Girlfriend

Login

Reset Password

Register

Submit Your Comment