Though this article is entirely depressing and mostly pointless, Gold's exploration does beg the question: is it ever productive to reconnect with your exes?

Unless there are specific circumstances, the answer is usually no, it's not productive or at all satisfying. If you're trying to contact an ex because you want to know why he or she broke up with you, you will never get an answer that feels good or useful. For whatever reason, the person just didn't like you anymore. Even if he or she could articulate the reason, it's likely something that you couldn't change, and why should you try? Love yourself the way you are! Not the way some asshat wanted you to be!

If you've reconnected with an ex because you want to enact revenge or show the person how great you are now, that doesn't really work out either, as Gold's essay shows. She did, in fact, meet "Adam" again recently. He's married. But that doesn't stop him from trying to fuck her!

We walk in the park, then go to a gallery. We are behaving like teenagers, trying to impress each other, and we are almost angry at each other for being so excited. We are on a date, and it is much more fun than it used to be, because we are not in a damp squat infested by cardboard furniture and strange bearded men. He walks me to the tube and I clutch his shoulders and hug him. He bends his head and gives me a slightly slimy kiss on the mouth. "When can I call you without being a stalker?" he asks. I feel triumphant. My 14-year-old has beaten his 19-year-old to a pulp; somewhere, my Miss Selfridge skirt is cheering.

Um…yeah. Hopefully, someday Gold realizes this is a Pyrrhic victory. For now, let her be a cautionary tale. No good can come of the manufactured ex-loverreunion!

Remembrance Of Flings Past [Guardian]

A few years back, I was living with a boyfriend who was a super sweet, super funny, all-around nice guy. And I broke up with him. We're too young, I need to work on myself, it's not you, it's me, I said. And I meant it. I had nothing but great things to say about him. And that's why, a few years later, when he contacted me out of the blue and wanted to "grab a drink" after work, I was excited and said sure. But as we sat in a pizza place talking about our jobs, I saw a flash of silver on his hand. On his finger. I think a bite of cheese fell out of my mouth. "Are you married?" I blurted. "Yeah, I am, I was kind of waiting for the right minute to tell you," he said. Approximately three thousand thoughts and emotions flooded my body, including questions like: Why didn't he tell me before he tied the knot? Why did we break up again? Meaning: Why did I break up with him? Why am I so shocked? Why is he so nonchalant? Do I wish I were married to him? Do I wish I still had the chance to be? Why am I still single? Why am I freaking out? Why do I care? That night, instead of answers, I had a few cocktails.

But today, I found myself wondering: How does the most famous almost-bride feel about her almost-groom tying the knot? And what is it about finding out an ex has gotten hitched that can rock your world?

Report: Runaway Bride's Ex-Fiance Marries [USA Today]
'Runaway Bride''s Ex-Fiancé Gets Married [People]