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queen_caribbean
10/22/09

In reply to Eve Ensler: "Until The Violence Stops"
It's sad when I start getting anxious that soon it will be dark when I leave work at 5pm. This means I will spend my lunch breaks getting errands done rather than eating lunch because I don't like to run to even to Wal-Mart by myself after dark. I find that guys who are in a relationship or who grew up with sisters and/or a lot of female relatives around are most understanding of this habit. Luckily for me, my husband is more than willing to accompany me when I ask. It just pisses me off that I do. #eveensler
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Maritsa
10/22/09

@queen_caribbean: When I lived in a city I remember being relieved whenever Daylight Savings Time started because it would get dark later. #eveensler
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tiredfairy
10/22/09

In reply to Eve Ensler: "Until The Violence Stops"
I remember, on another forum, a guy finally "getting" some aspect of what it's like for women after he read a thread about how, for most women, you have to constantly watch your back. Be vigilant. Aware. On guard. Map our different escape routes. Treat every stranger as a potential thread, especially at night or when you're on your own. Having to worry about being alone in an elevator with someone, making sure no one is behind you as you go into your car or front door...etc. He was appalled. It had clearly never occurred to him before.

I can't really imagine it, but man, I would like to. I take nighttime walks because really, it's my only option. And I live in a nice neighborhood, other pedestrians, etc. But I still keep my ipod turned down so I can hear people behind me. I stop randomly and look behind me, keep a light in my pocket, watch dark shadows, and don't get too close to the bushes.

I live in a college area so there are usually people around, but sometimes they're drunk people and that's not too much fun. I hate having to feel like I'm risking my safety just by walking around the block a few times for fitness. #eveensler
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Sadako
10/29/09

@tiredfairy: Actually, I'm female and I've never done any of that stuff, and most of the women I've talked to--on forums online and in real life--have never done it either. I mean, most elevators have cameras in them...and is there really going to be time for a guy to rape you in them? #eveensler
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tiredfairy
10/29/09

@Sadako: Uhm, yes. I worked in NYC for years, you have to be careful. And my mother taught me to trust my instincts so if I don't like a situation, I leave. Such as the elevatory.

Did you read any of the other comments on this thread? Most of the women here have this issue. And I think most women do think about this, unless they're deluding themselves or clueless about the lack of safety precautions in most places.

I'm not saying it's not something you don't personally worry about, but that viewpoint is the exceptions. Most women, especially living alone, do have to watch out for their safety on a regular basis. #eveensler
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Sadako
10/29/09

@tiredfairy: I live in NYC too, and I've polled other people, and nowhere other than on this site have I found this attitude. Which is interesting because I think that it tends to be something that a patriarchy drums into women to make them unsure of themselves. In actuality, the city is safer than it's ever been with very few violent crimes. #eveensler
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Rooo sez BISH PLZ
10/22/09

In reply to Eve Ensler: "Until The Violence Stops"
I would love it, then, if some of you science Jezzies would start working on some of that telemere-lengthening stuff for Eve.

'Cause I love her, but if that's her mission? With what I've been reading around here (and of course, not just here) lately, it's looking like it's gonna be awhile. #eveensler
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CurtCole
10/22/09

In reply to Eve Ensler: "Until The Violence Stops"
I'm glad there are strong women out there that are fighting to end violence against women and raise awareness. I just wish more men would jump in too. The other night I was walking to my apartment and was about twenty feet behind this women, walking to hers. All of a sudden she just bolted around a corner. I freaked, because I couldn't figure out what she was running from and if I should be scared or not. Then I realized that I must have been walking too close to her and that we were the only people in the parking lot. She was running from me. It saddens me that we live in a world where women have to live in fear for their lives, even walking from their car to their door. #eveensler
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curiousgeorgiana
10/22/09

@CurtCole: Oh gosh, that happened to me once. I was walking out to the parking garage after a late night at the library and felt like the guy behind me was following me. I ducked behind a concrete pillar, pulled out my mace, and jumped back out ninja style.

I had dropped my id and he was trying to catch up with me. I almost gave him a heart attack when I jumped out with my mace raring to go--thank god I didn't fire. #eveensler
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CurtCole
10/22/09

@curiousgeorgiana: Your reaction is totally understandable though! I felt awful for scaring that woman. I wanted to scream, "Wait, I'm a feminist!" as ridiculous as that would be. Not only does there need to be more done to end violence against women, there also needs to be cultural training in how not to freak women out in public. Needless to say, I've learned my lesson.
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Edited by CurtCole at 10/22/09 6:52 PM CurtCole was starred CurtCole was unstarred

curiousgeorgiana
10/22/09

@CurtCole: LOL. We need an identifying signal or something. Maybe a sign that says "Not a rapist" would work? #eveensler
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secretlycontroversial
10/22/09

@curiousgeorgiana: I am scared anytime I am alone in parking garages with just one other man that I don't know.

It is insane to actually think about all the precautions that I take on a daily basis out of fear. It becomes such a part of daily life that when I actually think about how many times I make an "escape route" for myself, it's sad.

And I live in a safe area. #eveensler
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La Chica Lucy
10/22/09

@CurtCole: "It saddens me that we live in a world where women have to live in fear for their lives, even walking from their car to their door."

Dude, I <3 you. My husband has had similar experiences. #eveensler
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tiredfairy
10/22/09

@CurtCole: My husband feels that way, and I'm glad to see it's not uncommon. Mostly because I've heard other guys who say they're feminists become -irate- that a woman walked faster or crossed the street when they saw them because it hurt their feelings. One friend even told me he deliberately starting following a woman who did that closer, because who did she think she was, why would she assume someone might want to rape her? I gave him the biggest diatribe on not being an ass you can imagine. She assumed that because women actually do have to worry about it. You're a stranger, end of story. #eveensler
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CurtCole
10/22/09

@tiredfairy: Exactly! The fact that he would deliberately walk closer behind her speaks volumes about how much further men have to go before they can understand and respect women in our society (and I don't exclude myself from that statement, I learn something new everyday.) #eveensler
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galtor
10/22/09

@CurtCole: Shit, that happened to me once, I didn't realize that with my headphones and hoodie during winter how menacing I might have appeared. The girl turned back and I suddenly got all Deer in headlights and I didn't know how to assure her that I wasn't a rapist and I thought a smile might work.

It might have made things worse.

I feel like a dick and now I try to be super aware of space and body language. #eveensler
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howdybeep (runs with monkey wrenches)
10/22/09

In reply to Eve Ensler: "Until The Violence Stops"
I got a shiver at the idea of not having to map out serpentine routes through different neighborhoods on my commute home so as to ditch some dude who decided to follow me, which happens about once a quarter.

I mean a shiver. #eveensler
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curiousgeorgiana
10/22/09

@howdybeep (runs with monkey wrenches): While in the car with my boyfriend last weekend, I used one of my "emergency" routes to avoid a traffic accident. He said "How did you know about this way?" He sat in silence for the rest of the ride when I told him that I had about 3 alternate routes for all of my common trips. He would never think to do that-- he wouldn't have too. #eveensler
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howdybeep (runs with monkey wrenches)
10/22/09

@curiousgeorgiana: The Dude didn't believe that it was such a big deal until we were caravaning across town one day and in the middle of the trip, a guy decided to follow me. He said it was unnerving watching a car pull up along side me at a light, and then drop back behind me once traffic started flowing, cut off the car behind him (which was the Dude) and copy my every move for ten minutes.

When I pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant, I heard this "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, MAN?" from the Dude. The guy tried to claim we were together, and then said the Dude was lying about our marital status, and then fried to pass it off as the Dude being hostile, that he wasn't doin' nuthin', and besides, that girl is ugly, anyway.

That was the day the Dude understood.
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Edited by howdybeep (runs with monkey wrenches) at 10/22/09 7:28 PM

dirtybee
07/14/09

In reply to Tony Dumps Jess; Becks Won't Pose With Angie

This man should have been cast for Thor.
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Edited by dirtybee at 07/14/09 9:13 AM dirtybee was starred dirtybee was unstarred

AtomiClash: humanitarian misanthrope
07/14/09

In reply to Tony Dumps Jess; Becks Won't Pose With Angie
Eve Ensler is Dylan McDermott's step-mom? My mind, it has been pleasantly blown.
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mmmchan
07/13/09

In reply to Tony Dumps Jess; Becks Won't Pose With Angie
I thought Sheryl Crow was MJ's backup singer and not dancer?
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formergr
07/13/09

@mmmchan: Okay, thank you! I read that item and was like, "No way, I had no idea Sheryl Crow could dance!"

Never occurred to me that it might be a typo!
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snugbug
07/14/09

@mmmchan: Not even "back-up".. They're duet-ing here. And: WHOA at Sheryl's hair.
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whynotshesaid
07/14/09

@snugbug: Holy shit, she looks like Whitney in the "How Will I Know" video. How can she even hold her head up straight with all that hair?
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librariesare4lovers
07/13/09

In reply to Tony Dumps Jess; Becks Won't Pose With Angie
Well I guess all the fans pushing for Alexander Skarsgård to play Thor will be disappointed. He would have made a good Thor but maybe he doesn't want to be typecast in Viking centric role.
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mbot says Spock yeah!
07/13/09

In reply to Tony Dumps Jess; Becks Won't Pose With Angie
It makes me sad to think of lovely Michelle Pfeiffer having to abstain from sauces and pastries and other good things while she was in Paris. What a waste.
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elitza owns the last Enzo shirt
07/14/09

@mbot says Spock yeah!: As much as it really is her job to look good and all.... ohmygod, raw-milk Roquefort? No amount of money keeps me from making that my lunch. And dinner. (With wine, bread, fruit, and coffee OF COURSE.)
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formergr
07/13/09

In reply to Tony Dumps Jess; Becks Won't Pose With Angie
That's pretty gross and creepy that they published that information about Lourdes-- so much for medical privacy for her!
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Margaret
07/13/09

@formergr: Well, it's her own fault. She lifted up her shirt and the paparazzi photographed the brace. Famous kids aren't allowed to scratch their bellies in public!
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Slumdog_Mamabear
07/13/09

In reply to Tony Dumps Jess; Becks Won't Pose With Angie
The story about Billy Bob's daughter is so sad. I can't believe this is the first I have heard of it.

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LucilleMcGillicuddy
07/13/09

In reply to Tony Dumps Jess; Becks Won't Pose With Angie
OMG, I ♡ Deenie.
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Sputnik_Sweetheart
07/13/09

In reply to Tony Dumps Jess; Becks Won't Pose With Angie
Wait a minute. The Iraq War is David Beckham's fault? So, does that mean we're off the hook? Sweet! USA! USA!
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whynotshesaid
07/14/09

@Sputnik_Sweetheart: America, fuck yeah!
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Penny
07/13/09

In reply to Tony Dumps Jess; Becks Won't Pose With Angie
You know, I was feeling kind of bad for Simpson until I read that Barbie/Ken bit.
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bluebears
07/13/09

@Penny: ha! same, I was thinking, "ugh how horrible to be dumped, publicly before you're birthday," and then, "she planned a what now?"
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futuremouse
07/13/09

@Penny: I don't know. That actually made me feel worse. She really doesn't get it. It's like having to tell a really old kid there's no Santa Clause.
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