Half-Man Angus T. Jones Is Not Returning to Two and a Half Men

It's true, nothing gold can stay, and by "gold" I mean "Two and a Half Men, the worst CBS show you're not watching." While Ashton Kutcher and Jon Cryer have resigned their contracts for a third season (Kutcher at a $700,000-per-episode payout; Cryer at, I don't know, a gum wrapper and a damp Nickelback ticket stub?), » 4/27/13 11:30am 4/27/13 11:30am

Jessica Alba's Weight Loss Secret: Wearing Corsets 24/7 for 3 Months

Baby weight: A thing that happens, sometimes. Ways to fix/change it: Tuna melts*, not caring, doing Zumba or some shit, more tuna melts, or encasing yourself in a chamber of horrors like Jessica Alba. In an interview with Net-a-Porter's magazine, Alba divulges her post-pregnancy weight-loss secret after giving birth… » 4/26/13 9:00am 4/26/13 9:00am

Janet Jackson Quit Showbiz and Converted To Islam, I Guess

As Janet Jackson herself predicted in 2001: Maybe we'll meet at a bar / He'll drive a funky car / Maybe he'll be a Qatari-born retail billionaire / And I'll convert to Islam. Sure enough, rumor has it that Jackson has retired from show business for good and adopted the religion of her husband Wissam al-Mana, who she… » 4/20/13 11:30am 4/20/13 11:30am

Rebel Wilson Hosting the MTV Movie Awards? So Far the Apocalypse Is…

The MTV Movie Awards have finally figured out what it will take to get us to watch the MTV Movie Awards: they have announced that Rebel Wilson will be hosting this year's ceremony on April 14th, the first female host since Sarah Silverman in 2007, and a damn good choice at that. However, it being MTV, here is the… » 12/21/12 9:00am 12/21/12 9:00am

Kim Kardashian's Milkshake Brings Tear Gas to the Yard

As you may recall, in penance for her pro-Israel Tweet, Kim Kardashian planned a trip to Bahrain to learn about the Middle East hawk some milkshakes. A faction of Sunni Muslim MPs had taken their issues with Kardashian's visit up with Parliament before her arrival ("she's an actress with an extremely bad reputation"),… » 12/03/12 9:00am 12/03/12 9:00am

Jessica Simpson's Baptist Dad Allegedly Has a 20-Year-Old Boyfriend

As is the case with many a dad/manager, I could have told you something was going on with former youth pastor and Baptist minister Joe Simpson. All those icky comments about daughter Jessica's breasts? That DUI he got in Sherman Oaks in August? His divorce from Tina, his wife of 34 years, late last month? Supposedly,… » 10/24/12 9:00am 10/24/12 9:00am

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel Make Whopping $300K Off Wedding…

"Magical," "unforgettable" and "fantasy" are just a few of the gushing adjectives used by Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake to describe their hella expensive Italian wedding (soup), even though not everyone was as happy (N*Sync was excluded from the 100-person guest list; they are "are pretty upset about it").… » 10/23/12 9:00am 10/23/12 9:00am

Keep All Your Phalanges Crossed: Robsten Might Be Back On

Forget what a cursory reading of the stars may have told us — Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are too compatible, and, if The Sun is still the institution of journalistic excellence everyone thinks it is, then the couple has been reunited just in time for the final Twilight installment. See? Everything works out… » 9/16/12 11:00am 9/16/12 11:00am

20 Badass Quotes From the Women of the DNC

The major political conventions are over! Boo, say nerds. Hooray, say people who just want their regular network TV shows back and journalists who are probably exhausted from two weeks straight of talking points, hats embellished with donkeys and elephants, and stadium food. While the seemingly endless stream of vague… » 9/07/12 7:40pm 9/07/12 7:40pm