Teens Loathe Facebook Because of All the Old People and Baby Pics

Facebook is fast becoming the internet's parent pasture for recently replicated humans who've decided that absolutely everyone in their immediate (and not-so-immediate) social circle needs to see a 60-photo series of their new infant hiding behind a sofa to take a dump in its tiny pants. Like a monkey. A small,… » 12/28/13 1:30pm 12/28/13 1:30pm

Disneyland Paris Is a Hellscape with Shitty Food, Claims Petition

Complaints about the much-maligned (and little desired) Disneyland Paris might be overblown, but one thing seems certain from recent tales of how the park has fallen into disrepair: Disneyland Paris is a blasted, desolate murderscape, populated with roving bands of zombified Disney characters, terrible food, and crappy … » 9/15/13 2:30pm 9/15/13 2:30pm

European Women Want More Than Legislation to Combat Violence

Two seemingly unrelated stories in the New York Times about violence against women in two different European countries demonstrate that if you just listen to women, they'll tell you what they need to fix a problem. A while the answer is usually more help from the government, women usually point to different solutions… » 8/19/13 11:10am 8/19/13 11:10am

Sweden Bans Bestiality Because Somehow It Was Legal Before Now

The people of Sweden can have sex on their LEIRVIK beds while wearing their H&M clothes and listening to Robyn, but they can't do any of that with animals anymore. Until way too recently, the nation helmed as the "perfect society" was also a nation where it was legal to have sex animals. » 6/13/13 5:45pm 6/13/13 5:45pm

European Perfume Makers Are Fretting About Proposed Restrictions on…

If the big, bad EU lawmakers in Brussels — glutted with government-issued waffles and chocolate — have their way, perfumed Europeans might have to wait until they swaddle themselves in a blanket of tree moss during a jaunt in the Dolomites before they realize that they have skin-scourging allergy to tree moss. That's… » 12/16/12 3:30pm 12/16/12 3:30pm

Romney Aide Urges Press to Respect Polish Holy Site by Kissing His Ass …

Coverage of Mitt Romney's hilariously bumbling world tour has been better than coverage of the Olympics, and with even more heartbreak, tears, and disastrous dismounts — that's what makes good television. During today's stop at Poland's Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, Romney's traveling press secretary responded to… » 7/31/12 1:30pm 7/31/12 1:30pm

Neo Nazi Throws a Hissy Fit, Punches Female Politician on Live TV

Do you remember Crossfire, the show where pundits would yell talking points very loudly at each other while the Founding Fathers spun around in their graves and Lady Liberty pondered slitting her wrists? Well, the pugnaciousness of Tucker Carlson & Frenemies has nothing on Greek political TV. Today, a talk show became… » 6/07/12 4:10pm 6/07/12 4:10pm

Femen Protester Almost Nabs the Mystical Euro Cup

After famously topless Femen protesters crashed the economic bacchanal at Davos in January, Europe has nervously awaited the sensationalist women's rights group's next move. Would they give the popemobile an ironic carwash with egg yolks during Easter, or create a human tableaux of Judith killing Holofernes in protest… » 5/13/12 6:00pm 5/13/12 6:00pm

Finishing School: So You Don't Look Like A Jerk Around Rich People

Finishing school, once the realm of the tiny daughters of steel magnates training for a future in rich housewifery, is now a different animal. While finishing-school grads can still walk like non-water buffalos and clap after the opera in a way that doesn't cause mass monocle-poppings, the reason for mastering the… » 10/21/11 1:40pm 10/21/11 1:40pm

European Court Bans Patenting Many Types of Stem Cell Research;…

Europe's highest court ruled today that it's not legal for companies to patent any sort of research method that requires the destruction of human embryos. Christian groups are super psyched about this because God says cellbabies are exactly the same as grown up humans with faces and feelings. Scientists are upset… » 10/18/11 7:15pm 10/18/11 7:15pm

European Union Bans Children From Blowing Up Balloons

According to a new toy safety directive in the European Union, unsupervised children under the age of 8 shouldn't blow up balloons because they may swallow them and choke. Furthermore, party whistles are now considered unsafe for kids younger than 14. (It's unclear if this is a due to a choking hazard as well, or the… » 10/11/11 10:43pm 10/11/11 10:43pm