Newt's Ex Doesn't Give Us What We Really Want

The much-anticipated Nightline interview with Newt Gingrich's ex-wife Marianne aired last night — and it was the pffffffttt heard round the world. She'd claimed in the past that she could "end her husband's career with a single interview," but she certainly didn't release her Kraken when it would have done…
There Is Only One Way To Write A Charlize Theron Profile
Oh, is it time for another Charlize Theron profile? In which we will learn that she consumes alcohol and uses swears and ? It's been like three months since the last one, and easily scandalized editors seem to still be surprised that a woman could drink and say "fuck," so why not? In fact, looking back over the long…
Esquire Thinks DSK's Problem Was A Bad Blowjob [UPDATED]
Strangely, this article cheerfully giving tips to guys on getting blowjobs (with bonus history lesson!) does not begin and end with, "Don't rape someone." Allegedly.
I Am (Sort Of) A Man
Ever since I was told my writing was male, I've been concerned that I might be a man. Today, I decided to take a quiz.
Is It Her Cleavage, Or Her Soul?
For some time, Esquire-tag line: "Man at His Best"-has featured a section called "Women We Love." I went online to see some of the women "men at their best" are in love with.
The Quaids Predict Their Own Deaths, Are Still Crazy
In a new interview with Esquire, Randy and Evi Quaid elaborate on the "Star Whackers'" efforts to murder them, the plot to ruin actors including Mel Gibson and Charlie Sheen, and their bizarre, yet somewhat sweet, devotion to each other.
Hillary Clinton, Standing By Her Man While Under The Microscope
From the opening of Esquire's Hillary Clinton profile: "She is with a man, of course. She always is. There are so many men, and she is generally the only woman among them." The author has a theory about this.
What's On Paris Hilton's Nightstand?
We can actually answer that question: a remote control, cutesy photo frames, an ashtray, and a hot-pink lava lamp. The heiress gave Esquire a casual tour of her home, which yielded this and other such nesting revelations. [Esquire]
One Third Of American Women Want To Sleep With Zooey Deschanel
If they were true lesbian shitasses, that is, per an unscientific Esquire online survey of 9,617. Other findings: 75% feel comfortable while naked, 65% disagree that men are funnier than women, and 89% support gay marriage. [Esquire]
Christina Hendricks Doesn't Quite Look Like Herself On Esquire Cover
"Intelligence and humor (and your smell) are what get you laid...Because the sexiest thing is to know you," says very un-Joan Holloway Christina Hendricks. Alas, on this cover, we hardly know her. Relatedly, Mad Men ends in 2012. [Esquire, WeeklyBlend]
Helen Mirren Whupping Megan Fox For "Sexiest Woman Alive"
Notable news from Esquire's March Madness bracketing of its Sexiest Woman Alive title: Helen Mirren is totally beating noted sexyface-maker Megan Fox.
"Reasons" Men Cheat: Lame
"I've fucked lesbians in Paris, hotel clerks on cots, and soldiers in uniform. All while I was married." — Just a snippet of the "Why Men Cheat" post on Esquire's website. Needless to say, much of it is problematic:
Tina Fey Pulls Off The Relatable-Sex-Goddess Thing
"What I've come to realize is that when people say, 'The thinking man's whatever' — there's no such thing. The thinking man also wants to fuck Megan Fox," Tina Fey tells Esquire, which, judging from its cover, disagrees.
March Madness: Esquire Brackets Its Sexiest Women Alive
The compromise of men's magazines as described by George Lois — balancing the serious magazine its editors mostly want with the "girlie" shots they need to sell it — is alive and well. And the web helps the juxtaposition thrive.
Selling Sex And Ax Murderesses: George Lois' Esquire Lady Covers
Behind some of the Sixties' most iconic images — on Esquire covers, in advertisements — was adman and art director George Lois. So what's up with the girl in the garbage can? Inspired by his recent book, we asked him.
Ebert: "There Is No Need To Pity Me. Look How Happy I Am."
Ebert acolytes like us will want to read this gentle yet haunting profile of what his life is like now, though we wished for more about how he lives his life richly on the Internet. [Esquire]
