Okay, so Entourage has been compared to Sex and the City in a great many places, most notably Entertainment Weekly and Slate. But when you really examine the text, you can see that some themes have definitely been recycled.

Sunday night's episode "Murphy's Lie" continued to play into the themes established by the SATC foursome. Listen to the guys discuss Eric's little slip up:

Or Eric channeling Charlotte as he tries to prevent breaking up with his current girlfriend while still pining for his ex:

I understand that the testosterone soaked words and visuals can obscure the nature of the text. So I pulled two random scenes for this season and subbed in the different characters. It works almost a bit too well.

[General Scene Changes: Charlotte has Eric's lines, Samantha has Drama's lines, Miranda has Turtle's lines, and Vince has Carrie's. I left the name Sloan is because it's unisex. All references to she have been changed to he, and pussy was replaced with dick. Other than that, the script is as it plays.]

Charlotte (E): How pathetic are you guys?

Samantha (D): Pathetic? Us? Who tells a first date that they love [him]?

Charlotte (E): Aw, yeah right, I told [him] I loved [him].

Miranda (T): You looked like you were going to tell [him] you loved [him].

Samantha (D): My point exactly.

Charlotte (E): Whatever.

Carrie (V): Aww, [Char], [they're] are just bitter because you're on a hot streak.

Charlotte (E): Thanks [Carrie].

Samantha (D): The girl's got more [dick] the last month than the previous 29 years. I wouldn't call it a hot streak, I would call it entering the twilight zone.

Miranda (T): That's what being a successful [gallery] manager does for ya.

Samantha (D): So you're saying it has nothing to do with [her], just the business card.

Miranda (T): Yup.

Samantha (D): Ah. Now I get it.

Miranda (T): So you've been banging all these dates, [Charlotte]?

Samantha (D): [S] he [w]on't bang ‘em that quickly. [Charlotte] needs to be wined and dined for at least a month.

Carrie (V): No, no, no, I think I heard banging last night. Was there banging[Charlotte] ?

Miranda (T): Well, was there banging?

Charlotte (E): Can we talk about important stuff, please?

Carrie (V): So how's Sloan?

Charlotte (E): What do you mean?

Carrie (V): I mean, how is [he]?

Charlotte (E): Oh, [he's] good.

Carrie (V): Was that a weird question?

Charlotte (E): No.

Carrie (V): Because you sure answered it kind of weird.

Charlotte (E): Did I?

Carrie (V): Yeah, didn't [s]he?

Miranda (T): Yeah.

Samantha (D): Kind of weird.

Miranda (T): You're getting back together with Sloan?

Charlotte (E): No.

Miranda (T): After one cup of coffee?

Charlotte (E): No!

Samantha (D): You're back in love with Sloan?

Miranda (T): One cup of coffee is all it takes with this [girl]!

Charlotte (E): It was a friendly meeting!

Miranda (T): Ah.

Carrie (V): A meeting.

Miranda (T): A meeting that [he] called for!

Samantha (D): It's all the [guys] [she's] been getting. [Dick] can smell other [dick] and then they have to pounce on it. That's why when you're on a hot streak, you have to press it like blackjack.

Miranda (T): Are you pressing it with Sloan, [Charlotte]?

Charlotte [E): Forget it, I'm done with this conversation.

Next Time: The Entourage Boys Take on the Sex and the City Script!

Related: Extended Fourplay [Entertainment Weekly]
It's A Guy Thing [Slate]

• Is Jennifer Aniston and Courteney Cox's friendship in trouble? A source says:

"It seems like Courteney and Jen's close friendship has chilled in recent months, and it comes down to their lifestyles not gelling anymore. Jen is almost a workaholic who spends her free time dating and hunting for Mr. Right, while Courteney is happily married and busy juggling work and motherhood." [MSNBC Scoop via National Enquirer]

• Oh, God. Real Housewives' Bethenny Frankel has landed her own show, Skinny & The City. Viewers will get to see her planning her wedding to fiancé Jason Hoppy, and, presumably, learn all about her "naturally thin" recipes. [Page Six]
• LAPD were called to Mischa Barton's home in West Hollywood at 3pm yesterday to assist with a "medical issue." She was escorted from her apartment to an unknown location. Mystery abounds. [Daily Mail]
• Oh wait: Mystery solved. Mischa Barton was taken to the hospital due to complications from oral surgery. Apparently she was in too much pain to drive and asked to be take by police, hoping the paparazzi would leave her alone. She'd previously had impacted teeth that had to be removed from her jaw bones. [ONTD via RPulse]
• Mariah Carey will shill sing her new single, "Obsessed," on America's Got Talent. [UPI]
• Amy Winehouse was granted a "quickie" divorce from Blake Fielder-Civil today, on the grounds of her adultery. [Mirror, AP, Mirror]
• How is Jessica Simpson since boyfriend Tony Romo broke up with her a day before her birthday? A source says she "was really blindsided" and is "sad, mad, and confused." [People]
• Lauren Conrad wore a brunette wig for a Harper's Bazaar photo shoot and "day-long experiment." She says: "I went into a wig store and tried on a brown wig, and they all laughed at me. All these women [who worked there] were like, 'You look like Hannah Montana.' Day to day, I can only do blonde. Everything else makes me look sort of plain-Jane." [People]
• By the by, Lauren Conrad is on the cover of Shape looking a wee Photoshoppy. [Perez]
• Paris Hilton has a new driver's license photo — after posing at the DMV five times. [TMZ]
• Kim Kardashian was detained at customs in Johannesburg, South Africa, when she couldn't find her passport. She claimed that she'd left it on the plane, but officials wouldn't let her look for it. Boyfriend Reggie Bush talked someone into letting him back on the plane, where he found the passport, and all is well. Kim Reggie and Khloe had been in Botswana visiting a diamond mine in league with the Russell Simmons Diamond Empowerment Fund, FYI. [E!]
• Someone broke into Orlando Bloom's home in L.A. and stole some "personal effects." Oh, no, not the Legolas wig! Anything but that. [People]
• Lovely photographs of Richard Gere and Carey Lowell's bed and breakfast in Bedford, New York. Gere says, "We're pretty open to just letting it flow and go where it wants to." [W]
• LL Cool J had one of those travel days from hell: First his flight from L.A. to St. Louis had to make an emergency landing in Kansas City, after passengers smelled smoke. Then, once the plane landed, one of the passengers was so sick everyone had to be quarantined for 3 hours. LL ended up ordering a car service. [TMZ]
• Q: What do you think has been Harry's greatest misstep or failure in judgment? - Susan Bevins, Winter Park, Fla. A: "Susan Bevins, you have asked a question no journalist has ever asked me. I think the way he treated his friends a couple of films ago was quite questionable. They're always there for him, and he was a little bit ungrateful. I think Harry is a flawed character. He can be quite selfish and really manipulative. He's not all sweetness and light." — From "10 Questions For Daniel Radcliffe." [Time]
• Check out the cover art of Whitney's Houston's new album: She looks regal, and not at all like someone who would say "crack is cheap." [NY Daily News]
• The good news is: Michael Jackson record sales continue to soar. [NY Times]
• The bad news is: A veteran prosecutor resigned from the L.A. district attorney's office after her supervisors found out that she talked about the Michael Jackson case on Larry King Live. [LA Times]
• Meanwhile, the DEA has contacted the manufacturer of Propofol, which is thought to be the cause of Michael Jackson's death. They're going through records and vial numbers to match the drug with doctors who have a connection to MJ. [TMZ]
• "Michael Jackson's death has the FDA considering labeling Propofol a 'controlled substance.'" [NY Daily News]
• Dr. Conrad Murray's lawyer would not confirm or deny whether his client administered Propofol to Michael Jackson the day he died. [TMZ]
• Rumors that Janet Jackson wants Michael Jackson's kids persist. "Janet is not only willing to raise those children, she is also the only relative who knows how to protect them," says a source. [MSNBC Scoop via Ok!]
• A guitarist who worked with Michael Jackson hours before his death says: "It still hasn't sunk in that he has actually passed, we're still in shock. What you see on the footage is what he was like to us. That was what was so shocking for all of us. We saw him dancing and singing and interacting and joking, having a great time, so excited. He wasn't sitting in a chair coughing and looking sickly. To be with him on the night before (he died) was hard." [Mirror]
• Michael Jackson was in negotiations to purchase an assortment of celebrity nude photographs before he died — people like Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield and Bonnie Parker, of Bonnie-and-Clyde fame. [Yahoo via E!]
• Joe Jackson's business partner in his new record label served 366 days in federal prison in 2001 — for conspiracy to commit extortion. Bad news. [TMZ]
• Tito Jackson says Michael Jackson is the biological father of all of his kids: "They are all his children. Blanket is Michael's, I can tell. Those eyes don't lie. Them eyes are Michael over again. I see a lot of Michael in him." Um, okay. [Mirror]
• Kylie Minogue got separated from her boyfriend in a bar on Tuesday night, so, when she found him, he slapped him in the face with a fan. [Page Six]
• "Steven Spielberg is on the verge of completing an $825m financing for his new film venture, nine months after he began looking for capital in the worst funding market in Hollywood's recent history." [Financial Times]
• Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher lived out a 007 fantasy by vacationing at the Ocean Club resort in Barbados, where Casino Royale was shot. Ashton requested to be picked up from the airport in a silver Aston Martin! [Daily Express]
• Want Bob Dylan/Jimmy Carter gossip? Click the link. [Page Six]
• Rapper Common is being sued for sampling someone else's song, even though he doesn't deny that he sampled the work and credits the sample on the track listing. [ONTD via Hip Hop DX]
• Griffin O'Neal claims his estranged father Ryan O'Neal had an affair with Alana Stewart as Farrah Fawcett was dying. [Daily Express]
• Cheryl Tiegs and significant other Dan Buettner: Broken up. [Star-Tribune]
• Brittny Gastineau says that in her scene in Brüno — in which she says "abort the baby," she was joking around. "I was spoofing myself. When I got there, I saw him, and I obviously knew it was him. I was like, 'Oh, this is funny. This is a joke.' I just went along with it." [Us Magazine]
• A theater in Ireland has left a recorded message about Brüno on its ticket hotline, which says: "Bruno is particularly vile. It leads to a hell of a lot of complaints. It will offend every prejudice in the book, believe me, so don't come on after and tell us how horrible it was. One or two have enjoyed it, though." A spokesman for the theater says, "We often leave jokey messages." [Telegraph]
• Whatshisname thinks Whatshername has sold out by doing a tell-all interview. [Daily Mail]
• Whatshisname says living in the public eye can be a mistake. [Daily Mail]
• Blind item! "Which now-married (but then-engaged) starlet hooked up with her geeky dreamboat of a co-star on the set of their film? Wisely, they frolicked in a soundproof room." [Gatecrasher]
• "It's a funny thing because what I've found is some of the wealthiest, most powerful people in the country are watching this show. I think it's because there is an underlying smartness that a lot of people don't get that relates to how most successful people rose to the top. You need that group around you; you need a couple of breaks and good fortune. That's what we try to tap into. To have Obama say he watches and gets it — well, he's got that same crowd around him, and it was an amazing thing to hear. Hopefully, it'll keep us on — at least through next year." — Doug Ellin, creator of Entourage. [Reuters]
• "It's almost career suicide to take a break and just not release music like I did. But to have people still care, I just don't know what to say and how to explain it. I'm just so happy because it validates the music I did in my 20s." — Maxwell, who had huge first-week album sales for chart-topping release Blacksummer's night and whose single, "Pretty Wings," is also number one. [USA Today]
• "I was homely [as a teenager], painfully small, short, with too much blue eye shadow because I thought, it matches my eyes, so why not? Trying desperately to fit in." — Amy Adams. [NY Daily News via Allure]
• "I want to do great movies that are number one at the box office and also independent movies that are dark and miserable. I see myself with a career like Cameron Diaz — she does What Happens in Vegas and then My Sister's Keeper, so I want to do it all!" — Kristin Cavallari, who when asked if she wants to go back to college someday, says: "I'm really happy with what I'm doing. I read a lot of books, you know. So, no. I have no urge to go back to college." [PopWrap]
• "It's wonderful. I grew up around gay people my entire life, basically, that's possibly why I'm quite camp, and some people think I'm gay when I meet them, which I think is awesome. It's always good to keep them guessing. I don't go on any blogs or chats or anything, but my friends are demons for them, and apparently someone said 'Daniel Radcliffe is gay. He's got a gay face!' I really don't know what a gay face is." — Daniel Radcliffe loves people thinking that he is gay. [Telegraph]
• "I'll say American for now. I really have no preference, though. Nationality is nothing. It's all about the girl - but she has to be curvy!" — Daniel Radcliffe, when asked if he likes American or Brit ladies best. [Gatecrasher]
• "Everyone lies online. In fact, readers expect you to lie. If you don't, they'll think you make less than you actually do." — Brad Pitt, on online dating. [Mirror via Wired]
• "My dream role would be to play musical legend Carol Channing in a biopic of her life. I love her, I really do. she's amazing. With all the digital technology available these days, I could probably pull it off!" — Johnny Depp. [Gatecrasher]

• Remember this report that Quentin Tarantino asked Brad Pitt to join the cast of Inglourious Basterds over some wine and some weed?

Quentin says: "That was Brad. He did the fabrication. He can take a Coke can and make it - functional." [NY Mag]

• Unsolicited uterus update: "Is Penelope Cruz pregnant?" Is she? [Page Six]
• Matt Damon has launched a new humanitarian project, Water.org, aimed at bringing clean water sources to nearly 890 million people at risk of disease. [Mirror]
• "Why I Waited Until 44 To Do My First Nude Scene, By The Proposal Star Sandra Bullock." Actually, she doesn't explain that, but she does say: "If you're naked and you're trying to be sexy — you don't really make as much money as if you're naked and you're funny." [Daily Mail]
• NYC Artist Dash Snow has died of a drug overdose; his brother, Maxwell Snow, dated Mary-Kate Olsen. [ONTD, Page Six]
• What will the Harry Potter stars do after the the movies are over? Daniel Radcliffe hopes to head back to the stage, but also "sleep"; Emma Watson will attend college, but would like to work with directors Alfonso Cuaron and Guillermo del Toro; Rupert Grint says: "I look forward to seeing what else is out there and to move on, really." [USA Today]
• In a poll, Hermione was voted the favorite Harry Potter character. And! "Some 51% thought [Emma] Watson would have the best post-Potter career, with a large majority (67 percent) approving the idea of her appearing naked." Eyeroll! [Reuters]
• Uh, the Vatican approves of the latest Harry Potter movie, since it makes the debate over good versus evil crystal clear. [Mirror]
• Madonna's boyfriend Jesus Luz is "resentful" that Guy Ritchie has been hanging around lately. But, you know, Madge and Guy were married for eight years and have three kids together. So. As for Jesus, a source says Madonna likes him because "He's pretty and she can boss him around." [Gatecrasher]
• Pity the Poles! Britney's Circus tour won't be stopping in Warsaw, due to a contractual dispute. [AP]
• Robert Redford got married on Saturday! The bride was a German Fräulein named Sibylle Szaggars; the ceremony took place at St. Catherine Church in Hamburg. Herzlichen Glückwunsch! [AP]
• Nicole Kidman's daughter, Sunday Rose, has turned one year old, and Nic and husband Keith Urban celebrated with a "little cake." Also, Keith says, "My wife made a beautiful video that covered her first year and we gave that to all the family." The kid is already a film star. [Daily Express]
• David Beckham has a new tattoo: The ring of roses around his arm has one flower for each year of marriage to wife Victoria. Sweet. [Daily Mail]
• Is Simon Cowell worth £100 million a year? That's what he's negotiating for to stay on American Idol. [Mirror]
• An X Factor fan lost her purse and Simon Cowell gave her a wad of his own cash. He can spare it! [EW]
• The LAPD is treating Michael Jackson's death as a homicide, and Dr. Conrad Murray is the focus of the investigation. [TMZ]
• Debbie Rowe's lawyer denies that she accepted $4 million to walk away from the custody battle. He says: "Ms. Rowe has not accepted — and will not accept — any additional financial consideration beyond the spousal support she and Michael Jackson personally agreed to several years ago." The New York Post printed a story claiming that Rowe had struck a deal with the Jackson family, and her lawyer is calling it "unequivocally false." [TMZ, CBS News, Reuters]
• Debbie Rowe sent emails to a friend which say: "I'm not going after custody. These kids are not mine. They were never mine. They were always Michael's. I was Michael's best friend." [Extra]
• Dr. Arnold Klein, Michael Jackson's dermatologist, is not fully cooperating with official requests for medical records. [TMZ]
• The DEA is trying to find out who supplied Michael Jackson with the powerful anesthesia Propofol. [TMZ]
• "A maker of the potent anesthetic propofol found in Michael Jackson's home has been contacted by federal officials investigating the pop star's death and has recalled tens of thousands of vials of the drug after two tainted lots sickened dozens of patients." [AP]
• "I never saw him on drugs. Not once. He deliberately did it away from us. He didn't want his family to know anything about that part of him." — Tito Jackson on Michael's drug use. [Mirror]
• Jack Wishna, a Las Vegas businessman who tried to organized comeback shows for Michael Jackson, says the pop star would move a bunch of mattresses on to the floor so he and all his kids could play, jump up and down and sleep in the same room. In addition, he would leave his Christmas trees up for about seven months. [E!]
• At this link, you'll find similarities and differences between real-life super agent Ari Emanuel and the character inspired by him, Entourage's Ari Gold. [Independent]
• Zooey Deschanel was supposed to headline a screening and Q&A of her film 500 Days Of Summer on Monday, but she'd already headed to Ireland where she's shooting Your Highness, a fantasy flick in which she plays a princess. Zooey sent a recorded statement in which she said, "Umm, I guess I should maybe answer a few questions preemptively. ... I did the movie because I liked it." [Observer]
• Vanessa Hudgens will be in a movie called Bandslam, playing a character named Sa5m, and — this is important — the 5 is silent. [People]
• Emily Blunt joins Matt Damon in Adjustment Bureau, a movie based on a Philip K. Dick short story. [Variety]
• Russell Brand: The voice of the Easter Bunny. In a live action/CGI family comedy called I Hop, to be released in March 2011. [Variety]
• Miley Cyrus will star in Wings, a movie based on a novel about a high-school girl who sprouts a pair of wings and learns that she is a fairy. [Variety]
• Hugh Jackman's signed on to appear in Avon Man, in which guys laid off from an auto dealership end up working as Avon salesmen. Jackman + makeup + comedy? We're in. [Variety]
• Usher has a summer camp, Camp New Look, that invites 130 children to spend two weeks in Atlanta learning about the business side of sports and entertainment. Hey says: "These kids come here and they're like 'Oh, wow … we're going to learn about entertainment!' But they leave engaged in life and knowing that, 'I can have a future outside of music.' That's what makes me most proud." [USA Today]
• Uh-oh. Robert De Niro is a victim of an art scam? He is gonna take you down. Take you down to Chinatown. [Reuters]
• Hmm, I didn't know that Rashida Jones was dating President Obama's speechwriter, Jon Favreau. Where have I been? [Page Six]
• Q-Tip has inked a deal to publish his memoir, titled Industry Rules. Is one chapter titled "I Left My Wallet In El Segundo"? [mediabistro.com]
• Interesting piece about Angie Dickinson, who starred in the 1974-78 NBC series Police Woman, for which she earned a Golden Globe award and Emmy nominations as L.A. police officer Sgt. Pepper Anderson. The show paved the way for future female-driven cop shows. [LA Times]
• Congrats To Joey McIntyre and his wife, who are expecting their second child in December. [People]
• Some guy was trying to sue Janet Jackson, claiming that her bodyguards beat him up in a club, but the case was dismissed due to a lack of evidence. [Goathamist]
• Aerosmith bass player Tom Hamilton is recovering from non-invasive surgery and will miss some tour dates. [Reuters]
• Jane Fonda and music producer Richard Perry: It's on. [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which grungy young starlet's idea of a good time is getting stoned with her ex-hippie parents?" [Gatecrasher]
• "When you have three kids, you've got to take your opportunities when they come. In a limo, on the way to the Academy Awards this year, Will started looking at me in this way that drives me wild. We started kissing passionately, and the next thing I knew, well, let's just say we missed the red carpet and I ended up with almost no makeup on." — Jada Pinkett Smith spills about her sex life. [Page Six]
• "[She] wipes the floor with me every time I play her." — Daniel Radcliffe, who says Emma Watson is a pro at table tennis. [The Sun]
• "I respect criticism. But I know more about film than most of the people writing about me. Not only that, I'm a better writer than most of the people writing about me. And I can write film criticism better than most of the people writing about me. [My goal was] to get the biggest standing ovation of the festival, and I got it [...] Sometimes it's your time to be Elvis, and that was my time." — Quentin Tarantino, on the mixed reviews of Inglourious Basterds and its reception at Cannes. [NY Mag]
• "I'm a trained astronaut, and it's my time to go." — Lance Bass is still hoping to head to space. [Gatecrasher]
• "I don't have his number, so haven't spoken to him. But I can safely say that his insisting that girls would choose me over him that they would not. That they do not. He is the much prettier and can be much more charming. And he can do that thing of being sultry and sexy." — Daniel Radcliffe, on Robert Pattinson. [The Daily Beast]
• "Although my grief over Michael could not be any deeper, I am not on suicide watch as some of the cheaper 'rags' would have you believe." — Elizabeth Taylor. [CNN]

[Los Angeles, March 30. Image via WENN.]

As anyone who watches Entourage can tell you, Ari Gold uses Lloyd as his tiny punching bag and expects him to be on-call 24/7…sounds delightful, right? What's more baffling is the way these women see their ideal assistant: as someone super smart, super motivated…and entirely unambitious.

"I would much rather have someone who sees this as the job they want, who doesn't see it as a stepping-stone," says Jamie Raab, Executive VP of the Hachette Book Group. "And if you find such a person, you try to hang on to them, because training someone new about your likes and dislikes takes a long time."

Apparently the ideal executive assistant is some combination of life coach, spouse and mind reader. According to Aleksander:

What is what high-ranking executives describe as the X factor. It's not just about getting the phone and wrestling with the copy machine. It's about reading minds, anticipating needs, and calling France to find a cab when the boss is stranded on a Paris street."I'm looking for someone who can do ten things at once and doesn't mind when I start yelling in the middle of all that," says [Pamela] Liebman [CEO of the Corcoran Group]. "Someone who is even-tempered, really smart, and can figure things out without me always telling them what to do."

I understand why someone smart would agree to get yelled at and read minds for a year or two if it could get them a leg up in the industry of their choice, but seriously, why would anyone agree to this as a career destination? Also: is it a sign of progress or of demise when so many female executives admit that they freely scream at their underlings on a regular basis?

Office Life: A Great Assist [Forbes]

[New York, September 8. Image via INF]

• Lindsay Lohan has turned down a $700,000 offer to pose topless in Playboy. Since we already saw her nipples in New York magazine, what would be the point? [Page Six]
• Meanwhile, there's a truce in the Lohan fam: Michael is actually saying nice things about Dina! And mom, dad and all the kids will allegedly all be together for the final service for Lindsay's grandfather, who died last week. They'll scatter his ashes in a Long Island harbor. [E!]
• You know how Sarah Palin was on the cover of Us? Apparently the magazine "lost thousands of subscribers in the first 24 hours" following the printing of the issue. [MSNBC]

• Lily Allen's suffering from a major hangover and some regret after drunkly swearing on stage at the GQ Awards. Her Facebook status is "dying inside" and she wrote that she "feels like killing" herself, although that part has since been removed. Free champagne is a blessing and a curse. [Daily Mail]
• Leighton Meester and Blake Lively of Gossip Girl: Guest stars on 30 Rock this fall. Apparently Liz Lemon was a mean girl in high school! [EW]
• Heidi Montag: "I'm waiting for my Barbie Doll. That's what I want next." Spencer Pratt: "We just talked to Mattel yesterday, and we are already working on our own Ken and Barbie." That sound you hear: Thunderous hooves, as the Apocalyptic horsemen approach. [Socialite Life]
• Romeo Beckham is The Dark Knight. [The Sun]
• Balthazar Getty and Matthew Rhys, who play brothers on Brothers & Sisters are not speaking to each other, and it's Sienna Miller's fault. Naturally. [E!]
• Hayden Panettiere, 19, is moving into her own house in West Hollywood. But! Her beau, Milo Ventimiglia, is upset because he thought they were moving in together. Turns out she's wary of Milo, who keeps talking about marriage. A source says: "She's not even old enough to have a drink, so she's not even thinking about settling down." [Star]
• Whoa, there's a feud between Alec Baldwin and Greg Garcia, the exec producer of My Name Is Earl. Alec can't understand why they'd do a one-hour episode of Earl: You've got to be fucking kidding me," he says. Garcia says Alec sounds like a "psychotic narcissist." [Page Six, Defamer]
• This story about Jennifer Aniston is titled: "Did Brangelina Spoil Jennifer For Other Men?" Here is an actual line from the article: "When it comes to men, Jen’s radar seems hopelessly broken, leaving her prey to the serial-shagger charms of men such as [Paul] Sculfor, who is now cosily loved up with Cameron Diaz, and [John] Mayer, who has been involved with a string of other celebs including Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Love Hewitt." [The Sun]
• Amy Winehouse ordered 48 bottles of Jack Daniel's. For a weekend gig. [The Sun]
• Kim Kardashian is helping sister Khloe with Celebrity Apprentice. First assignment: Lunch with Omarosa. Uh-oh! [Page Six]
• Tension in New Kids On The Block? Seems like Donnie won't hang out with the other kids or play their reindeer games. [Page Six]
• Richard Branson says, "The best way to reduce your carbon footprint is not to fly at all. But that's not realistic. You can't walk to England." He has a solution, of course: "Fly Virgin. One hundred percent of all profits from all our airlines are reinvested into finding a cleaner fuel solution. We had an experimental 747 that ran on coconut oil… but it took 150,000 coconuts for one flight. So now we're looking at developing fuel from algae. If you fly Virgin, you'll support this cause." [Rush & Molloy]
• Rachel Weisz was voted Hollywood's hottest babe — in a poll of 4,000 lesbians. [The Sun]
• Actor Joe Pantoliano, aka Ralph Cifaretto on the Sopranos, was at the RNC lobbying for his charity, No Kidding, which deals with brain disease. Joey Pants sufferers from clinical depression. [Page Six]
• The court case between Matt LeBlanc and his former business manager has been settled. You can click to see the court papers or think a happy thought about butterflies, and I suggest the latter, because the papers are a yawn. [ET]
• One year after vowing never to perform on the MTV Awards again, Kanye West will close the show's 25th annual ceremony in Hollywood on Sunday. [Reuters]
• Christina Aguilera will also perform at the VMAs. [Daily Star]
• Don't hold your breath for U2's new album: It's been pushed to 2009. Bono says the band has 50 or 60 new songs to consider for inclusion. Decision time. [Reuters]
• The dude who robbed Kiki Dunst's hotel room last August is getting four years in jail. Maybe that's why his MySpace has Jewish prayer music on it? [Gothamist]
• Ciara: Naked on the cover of Vibe magazine. [Concrete Loop]
• Akon performed in South Africa last week and when one of his female fans embraced him, he violently elbowed her off the stage. [Molly Good]
• Anthony Edwards will appear on the final season of ER, but Dr. Mark Greene is not back from the dead: He'll be in flashback scenes. [AP]
• Are you the Gatekeeper? Columbia Pictures is working on a new installment of Ghostbusters. [LA Times]
• An L.A. businessman is suing Gene Simmons over an Indy Racing League deal. [E!]
• "It's going to stop one day. It's not that you fall. It's just one day there are new people, and, you know, the opportunities aren't what they once were. It happens to everybody, man. I prepare for the worst. I think every show I do, I realize I could get booed off the stage and they could throw tomatoes. Hey — Michael Jackson, man. One day you're Vanilla Ice and the next day you're…Vanilla Ice." — Chris Rock on his career. [Page Six]
• "I live in Costa Rica, way off the grid. We live off solar power, with no car, and no telephone. I'm nothing like my character. I'm more into the environment." — Perrey Reeves, aka Entourage's Mrs. Ari Gold. [Rush & Molloy]
• "I didn't really have any expectations. They say it gives you a little more juice for the first year and that's it. It certainly didn't help me get this movie made." — Helen Hunt, on life after winning an Oscar, and her directorial debut, Then She Found Me, in which Salman Rushie has a part as an obstetrician. [Guardian]
• "The corsets were very restrictive. The worst part was after lunch because they don’t help your digestion." — Keira Knightley on burping her way through The Duchess. [The Sun]
• "I don't always love kids. Sometimes I absolutely loathe them. Children are just people who haven't lived very long yet. I'm predisposed to be affectionate if someone’s smaller but if they're loathsome in the first five minutes, they're loathsome.” — Colin Firth. [Daily Express]
• "I had sex if I had the energy. I wasn't one of those guys who believed in the myths about the guy losing his chi. The fact is that if you are riding your bike six, seven hours a day, you are not a sex champion. You're just not. You have fatigue, low testosterone and a lower libido. But you know, I never got any complaints." — Lance Armstrong to Men's Journal. [Page Six]

The Black:
Leighton Meester plays it safe in basic black.
Jamie-Lynn Sigler and Leighton Meester either got dressed together or were secretly pissed when the other one showed up.


The White:
Don't think the black accessories make this okay, Constance Zimmer! Fine, it's sorta pretty, she said sullenly.
Okay dress, lousy shoes, Real Housewife Jill Zarin.
I'm confused not just by Julia Levy-Boeken's defiance, but also her hair. Why is she so angry?
You'd think a self-described classy rich person like Real Housewife Bethenny Frankel would know better than to thwart Miss Manners!


The Bad:
This must be what a bad trip feels like. Cause I'm in 1994 with Behati Prinsloo. And I don't like it.
Y'know, if you wanna wear lime green like Carla Gugino, maybe don't do a fabric with a horizontal weave, too.
You know how during the Depression sometimes folks would wear flour-sack dresses? Let's pretend one of those sacks was made of sequined lame and trimmed with feathers. Monique Lhuillier did! Okay, maybe not the sharecropper part.

Images via Getty

• Oprah! In final talks! To be on 30 Rock! She'll play herself in scenes with Tina Fey's character Liz Lemon. Will Arnett and Jennifer Aniston are also making appearances on the show this fall. The bad news? The season premiere doesn't air until October 30. [E!]
• Paris Hilton has "manipulated" the Toronto Film Festival to get more publicity for a documentary about herself. There were three screenings of the film Paris, Not France; now there is only one, because that will "create more buzz." Hasn't her moment in the spotlight come and gone? [Page Six]
• The trailer for Lindsay Lohan's new movie, Labor Pains, is online. LL plays a publishing assistant who avoids getting fired by pretending to be pregnant. It looks almost barely funny. [People]

• Jon Voight is one of the few openly Republican celebrities at the RNC. He thinks John McCain is "an amazing guy." He says Sarah Palin was a "beautiful choice." He claims John McCain's 95-year-old mom is "tough as nails." [LA Times]
• Jennifer Lopez commissioned a book of nude photos of herself two weeks before she gave birth and gave it to hubby Mark Anthony. "I was like, how am I going to rock this moment of my life? I felt very womanly. Marc was in a dream. He loved it." [Star]
• This headline reads: "Sex Addict David Duchovny 'Cheated On Wife Tea Leoni For Years." Oh, dear. [Daily Mail]
• This report claims that Tea Leoni has been visiting Duchovny in rehab. [ONTD]
• More on Duchovny's "indiscretions" and Leoni's ultimatum: "Get treatment or our marriage is over." [Rush & Molloy]
• Paula Abdul loves her new American Idol cohost Kara DioGuardi, whom she met years before. Apparently the two have been hanging out in hotel rooms, going to dinner and sharing laughs about the old days in the music biz. Paula says: "The American Idol cast was such a boys club, now I have a true sister to share the fun with. It's been amazing." [Page Six]
• Star Jones has a new gentlemanfriend! They were seen kissing in the stands of the US Open. He's a chef! [People]
• Here's video of drunk Lily Allen on stage with Elton John at the GQ Awards. You can see her say, "Fuck off Elton," as previously discussed. [Perez Hilton]
• Entourage is coming back September 7, with special guest stars Leighton Meester and Tony Bennett. [Fox News]
• David Spade's a father: Playboy Playmate Jillian Grace gave birth to Spade's daughter Aug. 26 in Missouri. Back in January, Spade said: "I had a brief relationship with Jillian Grace. If it is true that I am the father of her child, then I will accept responsibility." Guess the test came back positive. [UPI]
• Yesterday, a judge dismissed most of a lawsuit filed by a woman who accused a paparazzi agency of secretly filming Heath Ledger doing drugs in her hotel room. She needs to amend her claims if she wants to get anywhere. [Yahoo News]
• Britney was busted for driving with an invalid license last year, and she might have to go to trial in October. [E!]
• Lynne Spears' new book says Britney started drinking at 13, lost her virginity at 14 and did drugs at 15. Gimme more! [News.com.au]
• Christina Aguilera's greatest hits CD — which features two new songs and rerecorded versions of two other hits — will be released only at Target. Can you believe it's been ten years since her first album? [USA Today]
• An in-depth look at Bono's do-gooding. [Wired]
• Blender magazine has named 2Pac the most overrated artist. Are they not afraid of getting shot? [Reuters]
• Headline of the day: "How Did Glamour Model Jordan Become A Bestselling Author When She Doesn't Even Write?" [Daily Mail]
• Earlier this year, 90210's Jennie Garth had a terrible family crisis: "I had this six months of hell," she says. "I had a sick daughter and then my father passed away, so there was a six month period in my life when I didn't think about my looks or my weight or my body or anything." Turns out her kid had a form of Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis but it's in remission now. [People]
• Mackenzie Philips was charged with cocaine and heroin possession yesterday after being arrested last week while going through airport security. Oh, she's also charged with unauthorized possession of a hypodermic needle. [Yahoo News]
• If you've got half a million dollars, check out the Jimi Hendrix, Beatles and Elvis memorabilia up for auction today. $900,000 will get you a scorched guitar that Jimi set on fire in London in March 1967! [AP]
• RIP Bill Melendez, the animator for Snoopy, Charlie Brown and other Peanuts characters. He met Peanuts creator Charles Schulz in 1959. The two became friends and Melendez was the only one authorized to animate his characters. [AP]
• "When I was 3, my dad thought it would be hilarious to teach me swear words, then have me say them to his friends. They would laugh and laugh. I realize now the laugh was pure shock value, but it felt really good, and I've been chasing it ever since." — Sarah Silverman in Rolling Stone. [Page Six]
• "My father saved my life. I probably wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him." — Britney Spears. [MSNBC]
• "You were the love of my life. I’ll always love you. You know that, baby." — Anne Hathaway's supposed parting words to Rafaello Follieri. [MSNBC]
• "I'm over being a pop star. I don't wanna be a hot girl. I wanna be iconic. And I feel like I've accomplished a lot. I feel like I'm highly respected, which is more important than any award or any amount of records. And I feel like there comes a point when being a pop star is not enough." — Beyoncé. [ET]
• "In Scotland I'm just like a lot of other guys. But in America I'm seen as a very strong, masculine guy. In Glasgow, you probably grow up faster. You have to deal with more shit, more realism. In LA, it's a superficial, perfect world. In Glasgow, you're expected to be a man - but it doesn't make you the perfect man. It makes you a man who's not able to talk about his feelings." — Hot Scot Gerard Butler. [Guardian]

• The crew on Madonna's world tour is threatening to quit because they had to stay at a cheap airport hotel while she stayed in an £11,000-a-night castle. It cannot be confirmed whether or not Her Madgesty said, "Let them eat cake." [Mirror, WOW Report]
• Here's the latest on David Duchovny: He may have had an addiction to online porn. And he may have released a statement about it because he was already in treatment and a fellow patient was about to sell info to the tabloids. [Fox News]
• Looking back at old interviews, Duchovny revealed his love of porn and '80s porn stars. [People]
• Meanwhile, Tea Leoni has canceled her appearance at the Toronto Film Festival. [People]
• Lindsay Lohan hung out with Sam Ronson instead of going to her grandfather's wake on Long Island. [The Sun]
• Lindsay signed a MySpace message "This song is for SR… ILY." Translation: "This song is for Sam Ronson. I love you." [Pop Dirt]
• Are Queen Latifah and her long time partner Jeanette Jenkins planning on adopting? Are they out now? [ONTD]

• Some dude's been arrested for stealing a digital camera that had pictures of Kate Middleton and Prince William vacationing in Mustique together. The camera belonged to Kate's little sister Pippa and the guy intended to sell the snaps to the tabloids, obvs. [Daily Mail]
• Kevin Spacey: Seen pinching the bare bottom of some dude. [Mr. Paparazzi, via Perez Hilton]
• Says a witness: "Kevin looked like he was having a brilliant time." [The Sun]
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck of The View is heading to the Republican National Convention on Thursday. She'll fly in and out on the same day. "I must really want John McCain elected," she says, "because I would not get on a plane like that for anyone else." Oh, the sacrifice! Thank God McCain has you. [NY Daily News]
• The apocalypse is nigh: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are opening a bar. In NEW YORK. To be called The Hill. [W]
• Save Katie! The anti-Scientology group Anonymous will be protesting at opening night of Katie Holmes' Broadway debut in All My Sons. "We aren’t looking to shut it down, we just want to prove a point," says a spokesperson. [MSNBC]
• Josh Hartnett and and unnamed female friend went into a little-used library at a SoHo hotel and started getting "hot and heavy." Since the hotel — and the library — are under security camera surveillance, the staff saw a little show on a monitor. No video link, sorry! [MSNBC]
• Michael Phelps shot a cameo for the new season of Entourage. "It was like being in New York City with one of the Beatles," Kevin "E" Connolly says. "People were stopping in the streets and climbing up things to see him. They were going nuts. He's like a superstar." [Yahoo News]
• Meanwhile, Michael Phelps is totally not talking about the ladies and doing his best to have some privacy: "I never said I have a girlfriend, and I never said I don't have a girlfriend," he says. [People]
• DNA evidence has linked an air conditioning repairman to the 2001 stabbing death of Ashley Ellerin, Ashton Kutcher's former girlfriend. [Yahoo News]
• Johnny Depp was on stage with his old band! One night only! He played guitar and sang backup! It was for charity. [Yahoo News]
• This was probably inevitable but still: Oy: Agyness Deyn is working on a Hollywood career. [Daily Mail]
• Not that you asked, but Britney has been working out "super hard" and is in "great shape." [Page Six]
• Angelina Jolie would like to work on a European film. "No one has asked me yet," she says. "When I can really speak it, maybe I'll try out for a French film in a few years." [Breitbart]
• Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty: Moving in together? They looked at a $22 million mansion in Malibu and Sienna liked it. (At that price point, what's not to like?) [Perez Hilton]
• Maroon 5's Adam Levine: Seen hitting on newly single Anne Hathaway at the Vanity Fair DNC party. Uh-oh, isn't Adam on that herpes chart? [Fox News]
• James Gandolfini, 46, married his fiancée Deborah Lin, 40, in her hometown of Honolulu, Hawaii on Saturday. "They both wore long, green leis around their necks," says a source. "There were lots of white flowers on the tables and Gandolfini was beaming." [People]
• French actress Emmanuelle Beart and director Fabrice Du Welz are defending their latest movie, Vinyan, in which Beart stars as a mother who loses her son to the 2004 tsunami but refuses to believe he is dead. The character and her husband go looking for the kid in the jungle of the Thai-Myanmar border and stumble across a terrifying world ruled by savage children. It's a horror film, but the director says, "I tried to be as respectful as I can. I don't want to be unpleasant to people who have really suffered from the tsunami." [Yahoo News]
• John Mayer got really drunk and partied with a blonde cocktail waitress on the last night of his world tour. On stage, he mentioned reading The Secret and said "I had a conversation recently, and a lot of tears were exchanged." Jen Aniston, sniff, sniff. [People]
• This is just coming out now, but apparently Amy Winehouse overdosed twice last year: Once in July, from smoking hash for 36 hours; next in August from cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, ketamine and crystal meth. Now she might have brain damage or schizophrenia from the drugs. [The Sun]
• Another "Amy Winehouse may have brain damage" story. [Daily Mail]
• Headline of the day: "Could Scarlett Be The Next Spielberg?" Yes, Ms. Johansson wants to direct. [Daily Express]
• Mel Gibson has become "close to" a "glamorous Russian musician" on the set on his new movie but he says she's just a colleague and he remains happily married. [Daily Mail]
• The stage musical version of 9 To 5 features 19 new Dolly Parton songs. "She's so lovely and so humble," producer Robert Greenblatt says. "She says, 'I'm not sure I'll get you the whole way there, but I'd love to give it a try. If something doesn't work exactly, I'll rewrite it.'" [Variety]
• Colin Farrell saved this homeless guy's life by giving him cash and telling him: "You need to get your life together, man, promise me. And make sure you go see my new movie." [Toronto Sun]
• Jude Law is visiting Afghanistan to promote peace. Yeah, I dunno. [AP]
• Sign of the recession? Diddy had to give up his private jet. [The Star]
• Natalie Portman won a humanity award at the Venice Film Festival, where she made her directorial debut with a short film called Eve. [The Star]
• Duran Duran fan? Maybe you wanna read about how cocaine destroyed the band. Written by Andy Taylor! [Daily Mail]
• Sixty-two year old Cher has a 36 year old man and she hired a private jet to fly him and two of his buddies to Memphis to catch a Merle Haggard show, which is kind of awesome. [Page Six]
• Michelle Williams and Spike Jonze: Still on. [Page Six]
• Leanne Rimes, 26, has been married for seven years, and says she is ready for a baby. [People]
• "You are bugging the fuck out… No disrespect. …Alaska? I don't even know if there's any black people in Alaska. If you really think we're gonna let you win the election with these crazy decisions that you're making, you're bugging." —Diddy's thoughts about Sarah Palin in a video directed to John McCain. [Perez Hilton]
• Jerry O'Connell says pregnant wife Rebecca Romjin craves lemonade and soy cream cheese. "Can't be cream cheese. Soy cream cheese. Do you know how difficult it is to find soy cream cheese? It's usually in the corner of the supermarket someplace!" [People]
• "The easiest sex scene I have done was in Mulholland Drive because it was with another woman. There was no awkwardness. There was no sexual tension." — Naomi Watts. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "When it comes to fashion, I know about as much as Betty. I love to play dress-up and it’s fun, but I’m not interested in the fashion world. If I wasn’t an actress, I’d probably want to be a teacher." — America Ferrera. [Mirror]
• "I always knew I was never the prettiest or ugliest girl in the room. Life's too short to inject botulism into you face to get rid of a tiny line because you've laughed too much. I don't feel a need to lose weight, because I'm not 21. I'm happy with my package." — Ashley Jensen, aka Christina on Ugly Betty. [Daily Mail]
• "It's very strange to be here in London without Anthony Minghella, whom I loved very much, and very painful. I was so frightened in the first week of shooting The English Patient, I was trembling, but he was trying to find a way to win my trust, and he just said to me, 'Well, fly...' and I did and it changed my life." — Juliette Binoche. [Independent]
• "Victoria and I are very different. People bracket us together because we live in the same city and we’re both interested in fashion. Victoria’s fashion line has been very successful and, hopefully mine will be too. But that’s where the similarities begin and end." —Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown. Not that you knew she had a fashion line. [Daily Mail]
• "The only thing I can cook really is mince meat, which is ironic because I'm a vegetarian. But I like calzone and lasagne. I cooked every day in Spain so David and the boys lived off minced meat for four years. I cook a Sunday dinner every single Sunday I'll have you know. My kids like Yorkshire pudding so I make that, I can make it from scratch and I make Dora the Explorer cakes for afters because the kids love them." — Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham. [Daily Mail]
• "I can't even think about having another baby right now. The boys take up so much of my time." — Victoria Beckham. [Mirror]
• "I don't care for [romantic comedies] where the guy is emasculated, tossed around by the woman, and lacking a point of view. It's a disservice to both the male and the female. I like to give my guys some balls" - Matthew McConaughey to Plenty magazine. [Page Six]
• "I kind of want to see how the audience responds first. I don't want to overstay my welcome." — Shannen Doherty, on whether she will stick with the new 90210. [LA Times]
• "I informed British Airways of my late arrival. I told them I was a kind of minor celebrity and I might get a bit of hassle at the airport. Turns out they are complete arseholes. Even when I fell over and badly creased my hat, I had no assistance. I was crying but I didn't want them to see. A cynic might say I missed the plane, an honest man might say I went to the airport a little late." —Pete Doherty. [Mirror]
• "I think manipulation is something that women do a lot, it's still our number one problem. You look at those characters [in The Duchess] — Georgiana and Bess — and they're hugely trying to outmanoeuvre each other, but I think it's also possible for intense love affairs to happen between women — not necessarily sexual, but things can obviously take a sexual turn. Women do get obsessed with other women — whether they love them or hate them, and I think that line is very easy to cross." — Keira Knightley [Guardian]

[New York, August 28. Image via Splash.]

[New York, August 27. Image via Splash.]

[West Hollywood, June 19. Image via Splash.]

['A Mighty Heart' Premiere, NYC; June 13. Image via Splash]