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Are We At "Creeping Malaise" Yet?

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mbot says Spock yeah!
07/15/09

In reply to Are We At "Creeping Malaise" Yet?
Anyone notice the timeline at the top? The 'perfunctory intercourse' stage comes by week two. Ouch.
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♥AntiSocialSocialite♥
07/15/09

In reply to Are We At "Creeping Malaise" Yet?
that last line of the chart reminds me of this from "The Reader":

"Sometimes the memory of happiness cannot stay true because it ended unhappily. Because happiness is only real if it lasts forever? Because things always end painfully if they contained pain. Conscious or unconscious, all along? But what is unconscious, unrecognized pain?"

The chart is meant to be silly, but it contains some periodic truth.

:/
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weetziebat
07/15/09

In reply to Are We At "Creeping Malaise" Yet?
my "Break up over crepes" was a break up over a weird shirt.

him: you look like you're in your pajamas!

me: It's a kimono shirt!

him: I don't want to be around you in that shirt!

also, argument over foreign policy is a sure sign of a doomed friendship or awkward family picnic.
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Zombie Ms. Skittles
07/15/09

In reply to Are We At "Creeping Malaise" Yet?
I'm a little worried seeing that chart that my relationship is sneaking into "creeping malaise" or maybe even "prolonged awkwardness." I don't wanna break up! Should I just avoid all discussion of foreign policy and pastries?
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cantankasaurus rex
07/15/09

In reply to Are We At "Creeping Malaise" Yet?
wow, the timeliness of this is, um, somewhat unnerving. the last 24 hours of my life have been ricocheting up and down the chart between ill-advised carnal deviance and spineless backsliding....all of which is compounded by the impending arrival of his parents, who will be spending the weekend in our den. ugh.

also, Uncommon Whore, you are my hero as the thought of that scenario is pretty much the only thing keeping my relationship somewhat cohesive at the moment...............
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Edited by cantankasaurus rex at 07/15/09 12:16 PM cantankasaurus rex was starred

Rooo sez BISH PLZ
07/15/09

In reply to Are We At "Creeping Malaise" Yet?
My Malaise doesn't creep. It usually drives a Lamborghini.
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NefariousNewt
07/15/09

@Rooo sez BISH PLZ: "I can't drive... FIFTY-FIVE!!!"
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Aesop's Foibles. YES.
07/15/09

In reply to Are We At "Creeping Malaise" Yet?
Hmm...going by personal experience, this chart is pretty accurate. My last lengthy relationship pre-Mr. Foibles was almost a mirror of the steps listed here; skip one or two and maybe rearrange a few. Honestly though? I think-and I could very well be wrong- but isn't it possible for a lot of these stages be repeatedly present in an ongoing relationship? Like a current one I mean. For example, my relationship w/Mr. Foibles has its ups and downs, and some of those are aptly described in the chart. They don't necessarily apply to both people, though. Like right now, I'm firmly in Creeping Malaise. However it's just me feeling that way. But there's no awkwardness or carnal deviance or arguments about crepes. Unfortunately there isn't much passionate sexual discovery either. Which, come to think of it, probably explains mt Creeping Malaise.

Know what? I love Mr. Foibles dearly, and am disgustingly happy with our relationship 99% of the time. BUT. There are some days, and please tell me I'm not alone here, I wake up wanting to scream and run away. Anyone else?? Anyone????
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TheFormerJuneBronson
07/15/09

@..now it's just Aesop's Foibles.: Everybody feels that way sometimes, though a lot of people are extremely invested in not admitting it. I freely admit to creeping malaise myself--this is not the life I thought I would be getting with Mr. JB. Of course, this isn't the life he thought he'd be getting, either, and if you're mostly happy, the best thing to do is nothing drastic. Things do change on their own, just kind of slowly. That can be best.
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Aesop's Foibles. YES.
07/15/09

@TheFormerJuneBronson: Well, I'm glad it's not just me. I have to ask for some clarification, though: Does screaming and running away count as drastic if I come back within, say, an hour or so?
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SouthernSatine
07/15/09

@..now it's just Aesop's Foibles.: You are most certainly not alone. I love my boyfriend and he is absolutely adorable, but there are days when I am terrified and just want to run screaming for the hills. Unfortunately, I think a large portion of our adult lives can be described by "creeping malaise." Which is utterly depressing, I'm afraid. But it is what it is.

And, Of course, then there are those days when you look at your partner, and you see the person that they were when you met them and you fall in love all over again. I love those days. :)
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Zombies make the heart grow fonder
07/15/09

@..now it's just Aesop's Foibles.: I have no middle ground really. I go from "I want this for the rest of my life" to "christ, get me out of this" each day. I attribute this to my own madness though and move on.
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JerseyGrrrl
07/15/09

@..now it's just Aesop's Foibles.: I think I know what you're talking about :) And I agree that many people are invested in pretending not to know what you mean.

I think it's human nature to imagine that the grass is always greener, and once you've been in a relationship for awhile, no matter how happy, you begin to imagine what your life would be in other scenarios. What has worked for me thus far has been allowing myself to daydream, but then forcing myself afterward to be pragmatic about what I'm imagining and remember how much fun dating often isn't and how often the really hot man you're thinking about winds up sucking at kissing or being unable to find your clit.

I read somewhere that mystery is such an important part of passion, and obviously if you're married awhile, you don't have as much to discover about your husband. But I think there are so many benefits of sex with someone you're truly comfortable with, and we never talk about those.

Anyway, you're not alone :)
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TheFormerJuneBronson
07/15/09

@..now it's just Aesop's Foibles.: Certainly not!
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NefariousNewt
07/15/09

In reply to Are We At "Creeping Malaise" Yet?
Crepes. Many a realationship has been felled by their warm, soft, and wholesome goodness. Too often, it is the contents which drive a wedge between otherwise reasonable men and women -- she a disciple of sweet fruit and light sugar, he of the brutish, meat-and-cheese persuasion. Oh, if only the destructive effects of crepes could be controlled as easily as the proliferation of nuclear weapons...
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TheFormerJuneBronson
07/15/09

In reply to Are We At "Creeping Malaise" Yet?
So the secret of long marriage is to hold steady at the low white/upper beige area.

There. Watch for my self-help book.
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stacyinbean
07/15/09

@TheFormerJuneBronson: So we can all basically hang out between 'passionate sexual discovery' and 'perfunctory intercourse'? I'll take it!
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NefariousNewt
07/15/09

@TheFormerJuneBronson: Or matching frontal lobotomies. Either way.
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TheFormerJuneBronson
07/15/09

@NefariousNewt:We're planning to get those for our 10th anniversary! It'll be very.
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dianersb was bit by a zombie
07/15/09

In reply to Are We At "Creeping Malaise" Yet?
Creeping Malaise is the name of my new emo band.
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anastasia beaverhousen
07/15/09

@dianersb was bit by a zombie: Creeping Malasia is the name of my new tourism company...will you play gigs for us?
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CubeRootOfPi
07/15/09

@dianersb was bit by a zombie: or a bad Metallica cover/cover band
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dianersb was bit by a zombie
07/15/09

@anastasia beaverhousen: Of course I will! Think of the cross promotion possiblities!
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dianersb was bit by a zombie
07/15/09

@CubeRootOfPi: I was thinking more along the lines of Crepes of Death for that one.
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Annammm
07/15/09

In reply to Are We At "Creeping Malaise" Yet?
Jezebel, I love you. I ended a four year relationship yesterday, of which essentially the last two years were "argument over foreign policy" time. If ever I needed a reminder of what not to do next, that time would be now. If I feel the need to make a spineless weepy phone call, I shall simply look at this handy chart. And also, remind myself that my ex doesn't have a phone because he doesn't " believe" in them. Geesh.
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hellosunshine
07/15/09

@Annammm: Orrrrrr PM me if you get weepy, because I was in the same situation three months ago! This chart is scarily accurate. It gets better, even after you have your sobbing moments of "what did I dooooooooo?" :-)
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Annammm
07/15/09

@hellosunshine: Thank you! It is really good to be reminded that other people are in this situation all the time, and that it passes. Just not looking forward to all the crap in between. I should probably print this chart out and stick it up next to my bed so it's the first thing I see in the morning.
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FroderickFronkensteen
07/15/09

In reply to Are We At "Creeping Malaise" Yet?
Where's the fight over Scrabble?
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Rooo sez BISH PLZ
07/15/09

@FroderickFronkensteen: right up there between "dignified socializing" and "polite flirting".
Your friends are obviously no fun.
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SaturdaysChild
07/15/09

In reply to Are We At "Creeping Malaise" Yet?
I once had an intense fight with a casual fling about whether or not bees were animals. He was convinced they were not. This is when I knew he needed to go far, far away.
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SunburnedCounsel
07/15/09

@SaturdaysChild: The worst fight I ever had was over whether a bird of prey we saw in passing was an immature bald eagle or an ospray (and just to be clear they look nothing alike). Your fight was better, and I'm glad that was the deal-breaker.
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NefariousNewt
07/15/09

@SunburnedCounsel: Then you have never had the pleasure of the "Tomato: Fruit or Vegetable?" debate. That could take the most solid relationship and tear it asunder.
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jrhys
07/15/09

@SaturdaysChild: Standout stupid fights ( all with different guys) : Greek revival versus gothic architecture. The proper pronunciation of 'phallic'. Muting TV commercials. The way I turned over in bed once. Oy.
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andBegorrah
07/15/09

In reply to Are We At "Creeping Malaise" Yet?
Damn, when I said "I've been doing it backwards all these years" I meant that as a figure of speech.
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NefariousNewt
07/15/09

@andBegorrah: For some reason, that brought the most confusing and shocking image to my mind...
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Zombies make the heart grow fonder
07/15/09

In reply to Are We At "Creeping Malaise" Yet?
Uh oh...the bf and I had an argument over someone writing the following: "Lindsay Graham's an idiot".

This lead to an argument in which I said that was an improper contraction and he disagreed vehemently. Does that mean I should fear that a crepes filled end is near??
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Grim Reaper of the Forest
07/15/09

@Zombies make the heart grow fonder: My husband recently mocked me for using "less" when I should have used "fewer", but I haven't drafted divorce papers yet.
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Grim Reaper of the Forest
07/15/09

@Grim Reaper of the Forest: But, shit, he actually made me crepes last night. I guess my marriage is doomed.
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Laulau
07/15/09

@Zombies make the heart grow fonder: Wait, why would that be an improper contraction? (Genuine grammar curiosity, over here.)
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BlackFrancine
07/15/09

@Grim Reaper of the Forest: My bf and I were arguing--him accusing me of doing some annoying sloppy things. And because he's neat, and I could think of no transgressions in that department, I started listing his grammar and usage faux pas. I was all: That's annoying, too, ya know.

I'm a jackass.
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Edited by BlackFrancine at 07/15/09 12:03 PM BlackFrancine was starred BlackFrancine was unstarred

NefariousNewt
07/15/09

@Zombies make the heart grow fonder: Yes, the sentence construction is improper -- crepes cannot be far behind.
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Zombies make the heart grow fonder
07/15/09

@Laulau: apostrophe s following a proper noun creates a possessive form and not a contraction of Graham is. He insisted it was a proper contraction the same as don't or can't. It isn't. I even had bluebook to prove.
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