Jezebel: emosogynists

Catch & Release

Anna — Fri, 01 May 2009 12:40:00 EDT

"He told me that he could not live without me, and that he would not stop telling me how he felt. And then he disappeared." Hey, lady, welcome to my late 20s. [NY Times]

This is how Zach Braff makes out: "Some...

Moe — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 17:40:58 EST

This is how Zach Braff makes out: "Some men are kissing monsters! They do this" (she stuck out her tongue) "or they do this" (she stuck out her tongue and wiggled it around.) Says who? Arden Wohl. Do we have to forgive her now for occupying that space in our brains where geometry once was? Or do we disapprove of making out with Zach Braff in the first place? Oh don't lie, you'd totally make out with Zach Braff EXCLUSIVELY for the opportunity to tell New York how bad it was, too. Is Arden Wohl just like us? Uh, well she did make this. [New York]

A shocking new epidemic is sweeping the...

Moe — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 12:45:09 EDT

A shocking new epidemic is sweeping the nation's fraternities! Early morning yoga classes. It's the new beerpongasschugdaterapecoednakedlacrosse! Do I actually have to read this story to tell you about it? Rhetorical question. But it brings up an eternal question I find myself asking every few days: what do all the vapid sorority types who are like, "addicted" to yoga meditate about? What do they say to themselves over and over again to bring them peace? (And yeah this one's for you Shelasky! You're Zen, you can handle it!!) [ABC News]

Cable TV In India Creating Class Of Feminist Couch Potatoes

heather — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 13:00:00 EDT

There's a piece in Slate today about how in rural India, newly-available cable TV programs featuring strong, educated, working female characters are having an effect on the attitudes of local women. Although something in the tone of the piece annoys — one suspects that the writer, Joel Waldfogel, is kind of an emosogynist, and he's a little patronizing, like the TV shows are really "helpful" to the poor village people whose attitudes "remain, shall we say, traditional" — it's hard not to be awed when he says that, for instance, 62 percent of women in the study believed that spousal beating was acceptable before they got cable, but after two years of watching popular shows like Because a Mother-in-Law Was Once a Daughter-in-Law that number fell by about 10 percent. Maybe they should syndicate Girls Next Door in India next. If they're "lucky", their society will end up just like ours!

TV is Good For You, If You Are A Woman In Rural India, At Least [Slate]

Jessica Simpson And John Mayer Are So Built To Last

Moe — Wed, 23 May 2007 19:19:31 EDT

From this week's US Weekly story about Jessica Simpson and John Mayer, page 70:

And so begins another perplexing chapter in their hot-and-cold romance.

We are so not perplexed! Last week, we read all about how John had found some picture of Jess from a magazine, like six months earlier or something, and said — wait for it! — "When was that?" Doh! She responded by — well, probably not by going down on him! And then, because you can never be subtle enough when it comes to reminding a guy where his vagina is coming from, she did that whole morphing-into-Jessica-Rabbit at the Costume Institute, which was clearly a direct response to that time when he bought her a thesaurus as a present and told her she should know more words.

Ok, then, they break up. And Jessica almost cancels a photo shoot for Self. But then doesn't, because, yippee, he wants her back! She is so delighted she subjects everyone at the photo shoot to listening "Your Body Is A Wonderland" nineteen thousand times in a row and they go do it at the Soho Grand. Also: she announces plans to publish a book — inspired by their affairs? — of "melancholy photographs" (Ha ha! She said "melon.") But then!Jessica hears some troubling things about stuff he said on amateur night at the Comedy Cellar! About being a single guy and a bachelor and, who knows, maybe some reference to a Will Ferrell movie! So now he is in the doghouse again. Which is why we're sorry, Us Weekly, but we're gonna have to go with InTouch's assessment this week:
JOHN JUST CAN'T MAKE UP HIS MIND
Why he's not sure:
REASON 1 She gets too much attention.
Why he loves Jessica:
REASON 1 She's hot!
Why he's not sure:
REASON 2 He's not ready to settle down.
Why he loves Jessica:
REASON 2 She's hot!
Why he's not sure:
REASON 3 He's moody
Why he loves Jessica:
REASON 3 And did we mention, she's hot!

Is there anything about this relationship that anyone did not witness, like, six hundred times over the course of four years of high school? Besides the fact that it involves, you know, a millionaire divorcee?

Related:
Why Jessica And John Can't Let Go [USWeekly]

Adam Levine Sounds Like He's Really Great In The Sack

Moe — Tue, 22 May 2007 19:39:09 EDT

While we can accept that Maroon 5 is the Police of our generation — and fine, Dave Eggers is Mark Twain and whatever else — a gentle reader alerted us today to some brand fucking new Maroon 5 lyrics that would never have been written by Sting:

I wanna give you something better
Than anything you've ever had
A stronger and a faster lover
The world, it disappears so fast
Sweet kiwi
Your juices dripping down my chin

Yeah, so the song is called "Kiwi," which we hope means her lady secretions were, ha ha, green. But the real head-scratcher here is: Why does Mr. Whiny "She Wiiiiill Be Loved" want to get the sex over harder and "faster"? See, we've long been under the impression that there were two types of sex: "Slayer Sex" and "Sade Sex." Turns out there's a third way! Which brings us to our poll: