The way Stone is talked about in this Vogue story — cover line "When Size 4 Is Too Big: A Curvy Model's Struggle To Fit In" — you'd almost think she was a plus-size model instead of a girl with the highly typical (for a straight-size model) measurements 33"-24"-35". Writes Rebecca Johnson:

'What they say is 'curvy,' but you know they mean fat," says Lara Stone, who is Dutch and so soft-spoken, you have to lean forward to hear what she's saying. However, she enunciates that word — fat — clearly and forcefully, as if it were caught at the back of her throat. The word hovers over the din of the hotel lobby where we are seated in downtown Manhattan, laced with irony and just a tinge of bitterness.

So that's 11 rather straightforward words from Stone, and 59 words from Vogue about what Stone said. (I guess when a word, having at last dislodged itself from the subject's throat, literally flies out of her mouth and floats in the air of a hotel lobby, it requires special treatment. Did she fling her arms in the air, too, Vogue? Because limb amputation sounds almost as painful as reading that sentence!) Anyway:

Worse than being called fat is a gaggle of stylists whispering in a corner after you've been trying on clothes for ten minutes. "That," she says, "is when I know I'm about to be canceled."

And even now that her position in fashion's firmament ought to be secure, given she has earned Karl Lagerfeld's favor, worked with the world's top photographers, and been on multiple covers of British, French, and American Vogue, she still encounters narrow-minded folks who make her feel like "the odd one out." "I was on a shoot just last week," Stone told Johnson, "and the stylist took out this tight corset dress and said, 'Here, put it on,' and I was like, 'Who are you kidding?' There was no way, so that was very rude of her. It's like, come on, she's a woman; whether you're buying jeans at the mall or wearing couture, you know what it's like for clothes not to fit. It's not an easy kind of rejection, because it's very personal. It's you, your body. You take it to heart."

What I guess a lot of people don't realize is that modeling is just manual labor with fancier clothes. The work is deeply bodily, and therefore the division between you and your work dissolves: everything you wear, how you present yourself, how you walk, every product you put on your face, every haircut, and, mostly, everything you put in your mouth, impacts your career. It is automatically a professional choice, not a personal one. There is no meaningful work/life balance, because your body is your work. Of course, women outside of the modeling industry have long been told that their bodies need to be their "work," too: that we all need to obsess over our arms and abs and thighs and do 30 squats on our lunch breaks and always take the stairs and use the Shake Weight and join gyms and buy athleticwear and Lose 12 lbs Before Sunday. It's just that for models, these imperatives are professional. Living is work. And that can kinda mess with your head.

Stone herself, being unable to budge from what must be her set point weight range with diet and exercise, began taking pills to lose inches. "But they made my heart race," she reports. So she started drinking. Nobody noticed, and her work didn't suffer, but soon she was waking up with the shakes. Stone did a month of rehab in January — the longest she'd spent in one place at a stretch in the two years since her career kicked into hyperdrive, she told British Vogue — and has not had a drink since.

What is elided in these kinds of stories that trumpet Lara Stone's "curves" and proclaim her to be a size 4 — because we all know clothing sizes are meaningful and consistent nation-wide standards, oh wait — is that Stone differs so barely, so incredibly tinily merely, so very little, from the accepted size standard for fashion models. She is slightly shorter, at 5'7", than most runway models, and her measurements are well within fashion's preferred range. While it's undeniable that she has a slightly different body shape than most models, her size is entirely typical of the industry. (Technically, her stated hip measurement, 35", is about 1" larger than the 34" it "should" be for her to model, but there are dozens of other models who have worked, and done the show circuit, with hips of Stone's size.) It's all well and good to call her the "curvy" model, and it is obvious from her runway work and every nude shoot she's ever done that Stone has breasts. When she slings one hip out, like for the photo accompanying this Vogue story, sure, she can indeed look kind of voluptuous. (When she doesn't, she doesn't: Would you call her the "curvy" one in this Givenchy campaign?) These stories never make clear that Stone veers from the accepted modeling standards only every so slightly, and that booking her for a shoot or a campaign is not some revolutionary act of body diversity. If anything, the fact that she is seen as a different kind of model for her size is the ultimate indictment of the fashion industry's standards. But Vogue would never make that point.

An item on Fashionista this morning points to two actual plus-size models, Crystal Renn and Amy Lemons, who are both busy working in Europe. Renn — whose struggle with anorexia and exercise bulimia is documented in her recently released memoir, Hungry — apparently went blonde for a shoot for Italian Vanity Fair, and Lemons, who also began her career as a straight-size model, is working for French Elle with the photographer Tesh. Her spread is apparently over 30 pages, and includes cover tries. Lara Stone is a fantastic model. I love a lot of her work. But seeing a plus-size model on the cover of a major fashion magazine, now that would be a real sign of change. Yes, plus-size models are still models, and the fashion industry still makes its money presenting women with images to aspire to that are, for most, unattainable and unrealistic. But if we can change the parameters of the beauty standard even just enough to accommodate tall, enviably proportioned young women who don't have 23" waists, then I'd still call that progress of a kind.

Fittingly, Fashionista asks: Italian Vanity Fair and French Elle are great, but where are the U.S. magazines? Aside from Glamour's admirable commitment to using plus-size models consistently in fashion spreads from issue to issue, and V's forthcoming January special issue, what is going at American Vogue, Elle, and Harper's Bazaar? Will we see a plus-size model in a fashion spread in an American magazine that isn't trudging through the clichés of its obligatory annual Love Your Shape issue? I have a feeling — call it blogger's intuition — that it might happen sooner than you think.

Hello, Gorgeous [Style.com]
The Tides Are Turning [Fashionista]

Earlier: Model Crystal Renn On Self-Acceptance, Size, & The Fashion Industry

Will the choice of cover subjects on fashion magazines matter as much in the next decade? Probably not, not with every other medium, new and yet-to-be-invented, competing to give readers fresh images of the stars, and with all magazines struggling to survive the death of their business model. But in a decade that arguably saw the peak of their power (at least if you measure by circulation), the covers of Vogue, Elle, InStyle, Marie Claire, Harper's Bazaar, Lucky, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, and, until 2007, Jane were benchmarks of what was considered beautiful, relatable, and most of all, saleable. With the exception of top 15 runners-up Gisele Bundchen and Kate Moss, models were replaced by actresses. The key to winning this particular contest: longevity and versatility, with long-running romantic woes providing a possible alternative. Unless, of course, you're Gwyneth Paltrow or Nicole Kidman. Then your total is skewed by four to five Vogue covers.


15. Keira Knightley (12) (tied with Britney Spears)
Sexyface and exquisite bone-structure make a potent combination. But with the exception of Knightley's three Vogue covers in four years, women's magazines seemed to be constantly trying to find the cozier side of Knightley's clavicles.


14. Britney Spears (12) (tied with Keira Knightley)
Spears wasn't always a women's magazine mainstay, and even less so a fashion one, but the end of the decade saw her graduating from Rolling Stone peek-a-boo to relatable features about being a mom, including two covers of her pregnant. That, plus standing up her interviewer.


13. Sandra Bullock (13) (tied with Scarlett Johansson)
The endlessly likable Bullock isn't flashy. She transitioned better from a tomboy rep to a ballgown than to Cosmo's enforced sultriness. This was another turtle-and-hare-style, consistent player.


12. Scarlett Johansson (13) (tied with Sandra Bullock)
Although her men's magazine covers were unfailingly titillating, women's magazines vacillated between presenting Scarlett Johansson as the girl next door or showing off her curves.


11. Halle Berry (14)
Let us consider it some type of progress that the era of "Halle Berry, jungle girl," has apparently come to an end with the actress growing older. (Or maybe editors getting a clue?) That said, who knew it was possible to find an unflattering photo of her? Harper's Bazaar did.


10. Jennifer Lopez (15) (tied with Cameron Diaz and Gwyneth Paltrow)
Reportedly deemed too "trashy" for Vogue at the turn of the century, Lopez finally got her shot in 2005, but had to settle for spinoffs Vogue Living and Fashion Rocks for the rest of the decade. Harper's Bazaar and InStyle were only too happy to have their chance, putting Lopez on the cover three times each this past decade.


9. Cameron Diaz (15) (tied with Jennifer Lopez and Gwyneth Paltrow)
Diaz's ability to comfortably cover both W and Cosmopolitan three times each shows that playing both to the mass crowd and the fashion elite equals, well, lots of play.


8. Gwyneth Paltrow (15) (tied with Jennifer Lopez and Cameron Diaz)
Coronated by Anna Wintour and a fashion darling from the start, Paltrow was rarely found on the cover of the one of the service-y women's magazines, where the emphasis is on down-to-earth relatability. That unaddressed yearning, we can posit, is what brought us Goop.


7. Sarah Jessica Parker (18)
SJP is the classic example of an actress that women like but that will never be found on the cover of a men's magazine, unlike almost every other woman on this list.


6. Jessica Simpson (19) (tied with Renee Zellweger)
Jessica Simpson's prominence here can apparently be attributed to her inability to turn down an offer to be on a cover. Her range would be the widest — Elle several times, Jane, Lucky — except that sadly, Vogue has never come a-calling. And probably never will.


5. Renee Zellweger (19) (tied with Jessica Simpson)
A favorite of InStyle (four times), Vogue, W, and Harper's Bazaar (three times each), the star of the two Bridget Jones movies remained a fashionable choice despite her films' largely mass appeal.


4. Jennifer Aniston (22) (tied with Nicole Kidman)
It may seem like Jennifer Aniston has been on every magazine printed this decade, but when you subtract out the tabloids close-reading her every movement, it's impressive yet not game-changing. Known to be a reliable seller in magazine circles (if not necessarily at the box office), the key for Aniston was ponying up quotables about her love life. (The out-of-context "What Angelina Did Was Very Uncool" ending up on the cover of Vogue was a low point for everyone involved.)


3. Nicole Kidman (22) (tied with Jennifer Aniston)
Nicole Kidman never really went away, at least in the ladymag world. Her porcelain features may have lost some of their mobility, but there she was year after year, setting a record for the decade with five Vogue covers, yet pouring her heart out to Marie Claire about Keith Urban's alcoholism.


2. Angelina Jolie (24)
The evolution of Angelina Jolie's magazine covers neatly mirrors her own transformation: from revelations about blood and bisexuality to imperious queen of Hollywood. The Internet is rife with catfight-esque comparisons between Aniston and Jolie covers, and maybe Vogue was being impish photographing both of them in red dresses on the beach. In any case, in our minds, nothing has quite equaled the Vogue cover above.


1.Drew Barrymore (26)
The surprise queen of the decade has survived a lot more than magazine editors' fickleness. Having spent her entire life in the public eye and overcome early addiction, she emerged as both a likable actress and, increasingly, a Hollywood power to be reckoned with. Quirky, girlish appeal as well as the ability to pull off couture equals ladymag gold.

Falling into the "reformation" theme, is a profile on Britney Spears, which looks more like a publicity stunt intended to erase our memories of a bald, umbrella-toting pop star and push her new image of "doting mother". This mother, however, is wearing a ridiculous bright blue feather jacket while looking lost and sad on a playground. Speaking of returning to childhood, in "If you love him, fix him up" Rachael Combe explores the notion of proactively trying to change a significant other, concluding "to love someone is to harangue them". She argues that healthier habits are automatically formed in relationships because people are forced to give up their hazardous single ways. For those left satisfied with that information, there's information on how to drop a mere 1.5 pounds by eating only grapes for three weeks. Below, find what other suggestions the January Elle has for readers in 2010.

Blume, in an interview with New York magazine's Amy Odell, appeared to cast aspersions on Tavi Gevinson's success as a freelancer — Gevinson has gained much notoriety through her blog, and has a story in this month's Harper's Bazaar. Her full quote about Gevinson and the Harper's Bazaar piece read:

"A lot of people are going to read this. Is this a smart marketing move? Of course," Blume said. Did she get the sense people were taking Tavi seriously? "I think she's very dear, but I think it's crazy. I think it was insulting enough when we were expected as adult women to take our fashion cues from Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. All of a sudden women in the fashion world were starting to look like bag ladies. I mean, that's very silly."

Blume doesn't think the industry's top buyers will take Tavi's fashion critiques seriously. "Are the creative directors of Neiman Marcus and Bergdorf Goodman going to tailor their purchases according to [her tastes]? Probably not. But is Harper's Bazaar going to sell a bunch of issues because of the novelty? Yes. Will she end up on morning shows? Yes she will," Blume said. "I don't think she's a fashion sage, I think she's a novelty and I think she's going to be used as a marketing device as a novelty."

So: Tavi Gevinson's success is "crazy," and vaguely "insulting" to "adult women," Gevinson is better suited to "morning shows" than real fashion criticism, and her appeal is solely based on her "novelty" value and usefulness as "a marketing device." Pretty harsh gist for a girl barely into her teens.

In the same story, Elle editor Anne Slowey wondered aloud if Gevinson actually wrote her blog, or her other freelance work. Slowey even compared Gevinson to JT Leroy, the famous teenaged author and novelist, whose existence was later revealed to be a hoax perpetrated by the writer Laura Albert. "She's either a tween savant or she's got a Tavi team," remarked Slowey.

Today, Blume is distancing herself from the remarks she made to New York. In an e-mail — actually, several e-mails to two different Jezebel editors, plus a bonus Facebook message — about the young writer, Blume says she never meant to imply Gevinson was just a novelty, but rather that she was "addressing how an adolescent is likely being used as a marketing device, which is actually a very protective stance on Tavi's behalf. That said, the tenor of the NY Mag piece is not what I would have liked, so I hope to clarify my own stance."

I'm not in any way leading a charge against Tavi. As I emphasized in parts of the interview not published by NY mag, I believe that passion like hers should be appropriately encouraged and celebrated ... yet I also expressed concern that she is being used as a novel marketing gimmick by an industry not exactly known for its positive messages for and treatment of young girls.

I hope that she's being amply guided and protected as her star rises, as 13 is a very vulnerable age, no matter what confidence is projected. I most certainly would never attack a precocious thirteen year old girl, but rather I am skeptical about the industry's response to her. As someone who's covered the business side of the fashion industry, I think it's more than valid to address the marketing aspect of this phenomenon, especially when the welfare of an adolescent is concerned.

I contacted New York for a response, and they declined to comment other than to say that they stand by the story.

Photo of Tavi Gevinson via her blog

Earlier:Elle Editor Leads Backlash Against 13-Year-Old Blogger

Related: Editors Like Tavi But Don't Take Her Fashion Advice Seriously [The Cut]
Style Rookie [Official Site]

In "No Way Out?" Rachael Combe explores the "scientifically, mathematically, and economically proven" notion that women are "kinda bummed out." She proposes several reasons for this, one of which is that we're all disappointed in the way the women's movement panned out. You see, now that women have more choices, "it has opened our eyes to new ways we might fail." Also, according to Combe, while women and men are logging in equal hours of housework, men actually enjoy it. Furthermore, now that we have this feminism-given right to complain, "misery has become a badge of honor" sending women in a downward spiral of unhappiness. Combe concludes that women can increase happiness by giving back to the community. While this is a noble notion, it seems kind of lost when the pages surrounding her article are inundated with all sorts of other "choices", namely expensive shit to buy, thin models, and gift suggestions that are unlikely to make anyone feel festive. For example, does your mom like to travel? Give her this super-useful, $50 leaning tower of Pisa replica. Does your friend like to eat food? How about a salad plate that looks like a lettuce leaf? Or a $2,730 pearl choker with gigantic strawberry charms? Below, the other "gifts" Elle is bestowing upon us this season.

Natalie Portman on Marie Claire

Representative Quote:

She got to spend three months in France when she was 11, shooting The Professional, and on her days off her mother would take her to Monet's house in Giverny and encourage her to come home and paint a version of what she'd seen. When she traveled to Japan for the premiere of The Professional, her parents insisted on a week off to explore the country. Portman shrugs: "OK, so I didn't really go to high school parties," she says, "and yeah, I didn't touch pot till I was in my 20s. I didn't get flat-out drunk until I went to college. But I think that's a good thing in many ways."

Most Immediately Annoying Cover Line:

"Diet Or Exercise: Which Sheds The Pounds Faster?"

Largest Number On The Cover, And What It Refers To:

275. Which is either the number of brain cells you will shed reading "WHAT'S SO BAD ABOUT BONKING THE BOSS?", or the number of Fabulous Finds To Start The New Year you, mere female, will need to get him in a bonking mood.

Britney Spears on Elle

Elle's Lady Gaga cover might be getting all the attention — but the January issue is actually hitting newsstands with a second cover, featuring Spears and her sons. Golf claps for Britney, everyone! Last time she tried to do an Elle shoot, something terrible happened.

Representative Quote:

Elle's Spears profile is not yet online, so let's nab another quote from Marie Claire.

A little-known fact about Portman is that for her very first acting job — as an off-Broadway understudy — she replaced Britney Spears. Needless to say, their paths have diverged wildly since then

Most Immediately Annoying Cover Line:

"DO YOU EXERCISE TO EAT? HERE'S A BETTER WAY."

Largest Number On The Cover, And What It Refers To:

175. The speed, in miles per hour, which this magazine might reach if you dropped it off a very tall building. Which would be more educational than reading about the BEST NEW SHOES, JACKETS, AND BAGS.

Lady Gaga on Elle

Representative Quote:

"I get all the symptoms of a pregnant woman. I get headaches, I get tired, I get blurred vision sometimes during a really intense session with [her creative team] the Haus."

WHEN WILL YOU PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THAT THIS WOMAN IS JUST PREGNANT WITH CREATIVITY?!

Most Immediately Annoying Cover Line:

See above.

Largest Number On The Cover, And What It Refers To:

See above.

Sarah Jessica Parker on Glamour

Representative Quote:

SJP: I still will not wear turtlenecks.

GLAMOUR: Why not?

SJP: I feel like I'm having a panic attack in them. I'm so short that the little bit of height I have is taken and consumed by the turtleneck. My son won't wear them, either!

Most Immediately Annoying Cover Line:

"SO TRUE! Why The Happiest Women Aren't Perfect."

Largest Number On The Cover, And What It Refers To:

50. Could that be the number of Your Most Private Questions that you could Answer, right now, by reading Wikipedia.

Scarlett Johanson on UK Harper's Bazaar

Representative Quote:

This comes from the mouth of Bono, who is interviewed alongside Johanson, because she wears (PRODUCT) RED clothing in the accompanying fashion shoot:

"I don't give a shit how things look anymore. I just want to get the results, get the cheque signed. If it takes me looking like a totally unhip white messiah, I don't care. You do whatever it takes to get people what they need to survive. For me, it was coming home that was the hardest. Coming back to my privileged life. I used to find that really difficult. It's hard when you find yourself in such a harsh juxtaposition with somebody who's fighting for their life. It used to make me feel more awkward than it does now, being this rich rock star next to a starving African."

Most Immediately Annoying Cover Line:

Strangely, none. (The standard beauty and fashion stories look exceptionally inoffensive, or unexceptionally offensive.) Although as hard as it is to take a half dozen pages of Johanson nursing a bad case of sexyface in leopard print clothing, it's pretty odd that the cover implies she and Bono would bond over a serious consideration of music.

Largest Number On The Cover, And What It Refers To:

2010, which is the year you might finally itemize your charitable donations for tax purposes, and briefly consider writing off the cost of Johanson's Tom Waits album. Since listening to it was clearly an act of charity on your part.

Kate Hudson on US Harper's Bazaar

Representative Quote:

"With a hot new movie and major-league man, Kate Hudson seems anything but normal. But the bubbly blonde is just like the rest of us (with fancier clothes, of course)."

Major League! Get it? Get it? No, she really doesn't say anything about A-Rod:

Isn't she moving fast? "People don't know where I'm moving," she counters good-naturedly. "They're just reading psychobabble in these [tabloid] magazines." Even when confronted with the evidence — a picture of her kissing A-Rod — she gamely holds her ground. "There's a guy that's shooting probably 60 frames a minute. That was a sideswipe on the cheek. That wasn't even a kiss." So she's not in love with this guy? "I quickly kissed the cheek," she maintains. "And I remember one of the headlines the next day said, MAKEOUT SESSION. What is wrong with people?

Hahaha, she didn't actually specify "tabloid" magazines.

Most Immediately Annoying Cover Line:

Harper's Bazaar on this side of the pond is totally deficient in this category, too. "Get Gorgeous Hair" — much as our credulity doesn't stretch to believing such a thing could ever result from the use of ridiculously priced products — just doesn't raise my hackles.

Largest Number On The Cover, And What It Refers To:

562. Either New Ideas to Update Your Look (again!), or Things You Might Make If You Treated This Issue Like An Origami Project.

The thing about models is that they are rarely the subjects of long, investigative, detailed magazine profiles, leavened with biographical information about their parents' backgrounds and whatever psychological tells the writer can seize upon during his or her reporting. Models are mostly seen in pictures. They're there to entertain our projections, and that's easiest done mute. It's celebrities who are endlessly, redundantly storied, profiled over and over again until such mundanities as what Leighton likes to eat for lunch and the fact that Angelina has a pilot's license have been entirely too thoroughly plumbed for metaphoric depth. The glimpse-of-fame profile is an essential part of the celebrity-sartorial complex, but the problems with it are manifold. As the celebrity profiles proliferate, the pool of unreported information that might actually be interesting or affecting to a wide audience shrinks. The pool of under-covered celebrities — who are (of course) pretty and (nearly always) white and (duh) thin enough to fit sample sizes in the standard lavish photo shoot — dwindles, too, until we're stuck reading about the Deep Thoughts of reality TV stars and teenagers ad nauseam. And as women's magazines' reliance on Big Cover Stars to anchor their issues grows, the conditions imposed by the army of protective flacks — writer approval, preset no-go topics, limitations on access — become more byzantine. (Hence why Elle spiked even this pretty tame profile of Jennifer Lopez at the request of her reps. Hence why you'll never read about the night Charlize Theron's mom shot and killed her dad while 15-year-old Charlize watched in a women's magazine. You will instead be told that she's really pretty, and much too polite to be thought of as having opinions, or as Vogue puts it, "far be it from her to ruin a perfectly nice luncheon trying to prove that she's a serious person.") Models get talked about as images but don't tend to get covered as people. Celebrities talk all too much, but far be it from them to say anything interesting.

So into this morass of diminishing returns steps Lara Stone, and it is just so weird to read a story that starts off in the standard mawkish key of celebrity profile writing — obligatory meaningless quote from Mario Testino; repetitive physical description along the lines of "naked Venus...austere, Flemish face...Her breasts are so perfect even I found it hard not to stare at them"; entirely too much attention paid to what she is wearing — before switching codes entirely.

What's the longest she has stayed in one place in the past two years, asks Vogue's Vassi Chamberlain, after Stone confesses she has spent seven days at a stretch, max, in her London apartment since moving to the city six months ago.

She answers without hesitating: "Four weeks." Was that on holiday? "No. That was to rehab." ... "I am a complete alcoholic," she says. "It used to be so easy to tell someone, 'Get me a bottle of vodka,' and they'd run and get it."

Okay then! Consider our expectations raised.

In the story — which you cannot read at British Vogue's website, but which people have taken the time to scan here and here — Stone goes on to make various statements which aren't "bold" or "interesting," with all the self-consciousness those imply, so much as they are just affectingly real. She doesn't sound like she's talking from a well-rehearsed script when pressed about controversial industry practices, as can the otherwise clever Lily Cole. Cole recently claimed in the Times of London, "I saw eating problems more at my school than in that industry. I do get that there is an aesthetic — it changes generation by generation. There's always been an ideal, from the Fifties or the Eighties," which is an ingenious dodge of the size-zero question and a very disingenuous thing to say. Stone, who despite her 34"-24"-35" measurements is sometimes considered one of the larger straight-size models, calls herself "fat" and says, "If I could have the discipline to be super-skinny, I would be. I think of dieting, then I eat pizza. I'm a woman, and every woman wants to be skinnier. Unfortunately." Cole, testy: "I think drugs are taken all over the world. And I've never really experienced it." Stone, realistic: "I never really wanted to be that model on drugs, the sort who gives head for a line of coke."

Stone isn't interested in running interference for an industry that treated her with standard disinterest for the better part of a decade before she, at the improbable age of 23, started to enjoy breakout success. As a teenager in Paris, she lived in an Elite model apartment with up to seven other girls. She was not a sensation. "We did 15 castings a day, visiting the same people over and over again. They'd make bitchy comments about us in French, thinking we didn't understand." (Sounds...familiar.) Stone also worked in Japan, where her agency measured her weekly, instructed her never to smile, and contracted her to do up to three shoots a day. Models who got pimples were sent back. Not that Stone is dewy-eyed about model solidarity: she pushed a girl who wouldn't get out of her way at the Jaeger show this season. "I kept saying, 'Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me,' because I had to get to the catwalk, but she just kept posing. So I pushed her. It was only a few stairs." It's not easy to imagine Kate Bosworth confessing to something so human.

"Men don't like me," reports Stone. For all her much-vaunted "curves", she says, "I haven't been on a date in six months." She last dated an investment banker in New York; the end of the relationship coincided with her stint in rehab and her move to London. "I've just started a club with a girlfriend," she reports, "called the We Hate Men But We Can't Be Gay Club."

I Hate Women's Magazine Profiles But Can't Stop Reading Them.

Ones like this are pretty all right, though.

British Vogue [Official Site]
Stone Age [The Fashion Spot]
Charlize Theron At Home On The Range [Vogue]
Time Out: Lily Cole [Times of London]
Behind The Glow [Daily Beast]

Earlier:French Vogue All Lara Stone, All The Time
The 5 Great Lies of Women's Magazines

After flipping to the "On The Cover" section of the table of contents, we encountered a cover line that seems to have lost its way: "Why you love guys who are bad for you...p 266." (It refers to an E. Jean column telling women to put on their stilettos and run—-not walk—-away from the losers they are dating). So, why didn't this make it? Was it an art-department coup resisting orders to make more room by Photoshopping more of Katie Holmes arms? Was Editor-in-Chief Roberta Myers all like, "We're not Cosmo, bitches," while angrily scrawling all over the mockup? Did Bigfoot abscond with it? Below, our honest take on the lines that actually made this month's cover.

• "No one wants to see curvy women," says Karl Lagerfeld, who has struggled with his weight. "You've got fat mothers with their bags of chips sitting in front of the television and saying that thin models are ugly." [News.com.au]

• Meanwhile, Christian Louboutin gave Barbie a much-needed slimming treatment. The three dolls the designer is releasing will have an all-new morphology, because the shoe man "found her ankles were too fat," reports a spokesperson. [WWD]
• Heidi Klum says becoming a Barbie was "a dream come true." There's a horror movie in that somewhere. [People]
• Tom Cruise says sweet, underminey things to Katie Holmes about her clothes, like, "I think that dress might be wearing you." The only question remaining is: Is he responsible for Suri's clothing choices? [NYDN]
• Trovata and Forever 21 have settled their copyright infringement lawsuit, just days before a second trial was to begin. The terms are confidential. Despite being sued more than 50 times, Forever 21 had never faced a jury prior to the Trovata case; Trovata had sought a multi-million-dollar judgment against Forever 21 for knocking off its shirts, but the first trial in May ended in a mistrial when six jurors sided with Trovata and one sided with Forever 21. [WWD]
• The Daily Mail did a hilarious write-around on Dov Charney, The Sleazy Sexual Predator Behind High Street Store American Apparel. Wait till they realize that the "model" in the lace bodysuit ad they hold up for particular condemnation — "it is the kind of photograph which would send shivers down the spine of anyone with a teenage daughter" — is in fact an actual porn star named Faye Valentine. We can't wait for the blistering, "exclusive" follow-up. [Daily Mail]
• Marc Jacobs: "I think the idea of people being exposed, whether it's stylists who have their reality shows or whatever, is just the way of the world. It's every chef, every stylist, every hairdresser, everybody who's doing plastic surgery. We're in a period where people are entertained by what they consider to be the real lives of people in different professions, etc. And fashion has also reached this kind of proportion like football or sport, you know — a spectator sport." [WWD]
• W magazine is reducing its frequency from 12 to 6 issues per year. This is fueling rumors that Condé Nast might be interested in buying American Elle. [FWD]
• Ugg Australia is releasing a "limited-edition" kids collection as a tie-in for the Where The Wild Things Are movie. Half the proceeds will go to St. Jude's Research Hospital. Which means half will go to making more ugly Uggs. [WWD]
• Levi's is snapping up young(ish), hip(ish) artists of both coasts in the scramble for sales: after having Ryan McGinley shoot its new ad campaign, the company has announced that printmaker extraordinaire Shepard Fairey will have a capsule collection in stores by the end of this month under the label Obey x Levi's. [WWD]
• Turns out that with the move to selling exclusively at J.C. Penney, Liz Claiborne isn't closing the Claiborne by John Bartlett line — it's just firing two-time CFDA-winner John Bartlett less than halfway into his three-year contract. [WWD]
• Meanwhile, the Upper East Side has hatched another fashion label. Two people who really need the money — socialites Gigi Mortimer and Courtney Moss — want us to buy $199 rabbit fur neck warmers and $315 fox fur gloves. Oh, look: Kelly Killoren Bensimon is all over their website! [WWD]
• Women's Wear Daily puts on its thinking cap to investigate this question for the ages: Has fashion lost its mystique? Is it the reality television? Is it the Internet? Is it Marc Jacobs inviting reporters to work out with him? The story quotes an Internet commenter, and Valentino. [WWD]
• Diane von Furstenberg is mounting an exhibition of her life's work in Moscow later this month. It will include garments she designed, artifacts, and portraits of her by artists including Warhol and Horst. [WWD]

Katie Holmes, Emily Blunt, Julianne Moore, Renee Zellweger and Zoe Saldana all look amazing — although poor Emily is… obstructed in her pretty shot. But instead of famous-for-being-famous ladies like the Kardashians, these are women who are using their talents: Katie just finished shooting The Extra Man and Don't Be Afraid Of the Dark; Emily is filming The Adjustment Bureau with Matt Damon and just wrapped Gulliver's Travels — plus she's in The Wolfman; Julianne has four films coming out in 2010; Renée has a flick called Case 39 coming later this year and two more in production (including the Bridget Jones sequel; Zoe Saldana has six movies scheduled for 2009/2010.

While it's great that Elle picked some stunning, impressive ladies to feature, why do all of these women have to share the month of November? Couldn't each have had a month of their own? Because if Elle has, as the saying goes, blown their load, then next month we might get stuck with Jessica Simpson wearing plaid. Again. As in, for the third time.

Women in Hollywood [Elle]
5 Covers For Elle's Women In Hollywood Issue [ONTD]

Earlier: Why Do Women's Magazines Pick Cover Girls Who "Don't Work?"
Jessica Simpson's Elle Cover: Waist Not, Want Not

But what's to be expected of a "reality" show that's completely staged. (Including Olivia's "accessories department" position at Elle. She's actually working in the PR department, but her name does not appear in the magazine's masthead.)

I've been down to Canal Street many, many times, and no one will sell you knockoffs (the kind that actually have designer logos on them) in the middle of the street. They won't even sell them to you in the shops. You have to specifically ask for them from one of the employees, who will first deny carrying such bags, but once it is established that you are not a cop, the employee will pull out a walkie talkie, mutter something into it, and then turn to you and start screaming and pushing you toward the back of the store, where a hidden door opens up, arms reach out, yank you in and slam the door behind you. It's basically a very tall closet with lots and lots of convincing knockoffs. Once your transaction is complete, you have to wait for walkie talkie clearance to exit the hidden room.

However, if you do manage to strike up negotiations with someone who does not have a storefront, they will never ever show you bags in the middle of the street. There's usually some kind of rendezvous point (like Sbarros or halfway down the stairs to the subway entrance) where they will reveal the merchandise, and then get super pissed off at you when you don't want to buy anything.

The fact that Olivia made her illegal purchase from a guy whose face was not blurred out on camera is probably the biggest indicator that the entire thing was staged. But what else is new with this show?

"I read about that girl!" said the woman. "It's like, I think she was anorexic, and then she gained all her weight back, but she's still a top model." Crystal's agent, Gary Dakin at Ford, smiled wryly.

Crystal and the other two models in Lane Bryant's current campaign were at the store to film, viral-video-style, a snippet of a segment of them all trying on clothes and shopping. "Do you Twitter?" asked Gary, of a sales assistant. "Tell them to Twitter that the Lane Bryant girls are all at the store getting new clothes."

They did many takes of the trio stepping out of the dressing rooms in new ensembles, and styling each other's outfits: jumpsuits with belts, lingerie, and boyfriend blazers over long t-shirts. Crystal was on her way to catch a flight to Canada to shoot for Elle magazine, and of course the video shoot was behind schedule. So when it came time to talk, we jumped in a cab to her neighborhood, Williamsburg, so she could pack. Five o'clock traffic gave us plenty of time to talk — about her experiences starving herself to be a straight-size model for years, the point at which she broke down and had to enter recovery, and the amazing ignition of her plus career, all of which is chronicled in her new memoir, Hungry, co-written with Marjorie Ingall.

After returning to her natural size, Steven Meisel booked Crystal for American Vogue — the "Shape" issue, of course, because American Vogue still fails to feature plus models any other month of the year — and then, the famous photographer shot her for an editorial in Vogue Italia. Since then, she's worked with photographers like Patrick Demarchelier, Arthur Elgort, Ruven Afanador, and Ellen Von Unwerth. She's walked the runway for Jean-Paul Gaultier, been in campaigns for Dolce & Gabbana, and she's made the covers of international editions of Elle and Harper's Bazaar.

A handful of other models have gone from disordered misery at straight-size, to self-acceptance and a new career at what the modeling industry calls plus. (Kate Dillon and Carré Otis are notable examples.) But perhaps most importantly, Crystal seems to be slowly helping the notoriously sizist industry change its ideas of what a plus size model can be: she rarely looks like the typical friendly, smiley, approachable stereotype of the larger model. Although she can look adorable styled as a pin-up, she's also booked for jobs that require a confrontational look, an overt sexuality, or a darker kind of beauty — it's probably no coincidence that she says she was a high school goth, and that when we met, she was wearing complicated black paper-bag-waisted pants, a deconstructed black t-shirt, and a cropped black vest with serious shoulder pads. (She particularly likes the designer Rick Owens.)

Crystal and I played a long round of model geography, locating mutual friends and photographers we'd worked with. We compared everything from childhood hobbies — collecting unopened Barbies, bottlecaps, and Star Wars figurines (her), collecting Kinder Surprise toys and not swapping stickers with the other girls at primary school (me) — to favorite kinds of chocolate ("I'm very particular about my chocolate," says Crystal) before we started bonding by swapping industry horror stories.

CR: But you know what: I made a decision to do this job. Nobody tied me to a treadmill.
JS: It's true, it's true.
CR: Or locked me in a closet, and forced me to not eat. Although — I got a contract to go to Japan, and I refused it, because this model told me, They locked me in a closet for three days…So I mean, I'm sure somewhere, maybe someone is being forced.
JS: Japan can be really brutal. I never worked there, because I heard similar kinds of horror stories. A friend actually told me that she got off the plane, and she was immediately booked on four jobs in one day. That was Day 1. She got to sleep for five hours, and then she was booked on another three jobs. That was Day 2. No client had any food, because they were all booking her in four-hour increments, with no obligation to even let her take a break. By Day 3, he'd had basically nothing to eat since arriving, and she collapsed on set. She had to be taken to hospital, and as the EMTs were putting an IV in her arm, the client was trying to stop the ambulance from leaving, and screaming into his cell phone to her agency, ‘I'm going to charge you for the time your model is wasting!' While she was being taken to hospital.
CR: That's so gross. That's incredible...I actually heard something similar the other day, I was at a studio and this client said, ‘Oh my God, I booked this girl for all this money, and she's outside crying into her phone. Ugh!' I'm thinking, well, why can't you guys shoot one half of the story now, and her part later? I mean, who knows. Maybe the girl is like, ‘I didn't get enough drugs and I'm freaking out.' That's the stupid reason — but maybe something serious happened? Maybe someone passed away? And this woman, as opposed to going up to this girl asking, ‘How are you?' she was screaming down the phone to her agency about how unprofessional the model was.
JS: And the poor girl has to walk back in there, try and recover from whatever personal crisis she's been dealing with, and—
CR: Because if you're a model, you're not a person, and you can't have feelings.
JS: It's true, it's true. Some people in the industry, it's just like they're missing an empathy chip.
CR: Right! Some people. Not everyone, there are good people.
JS: Oh, absolutely. Not everyone. But there's an attitude that's like — it's girls to order. You pick one out of the lineup, and you want that one, and you want her to do these poses, and you want her to wear these clothes.
CR: Right. And you're going to get her exactly how you want — like she's a doll. You have to remember there's a soul and a heart in that person, and feelings…

Crystal shares a story about a time on a shoot when, after telling the client that she was dealing with a personal crisis, instead of being understanding or thankful that Crystal had still turned up ready to work, the client promptly made a private situation into a huge deal, and loudly questioned her professionalism. Crystal complained to her agency, and they talked to the client. Which, in modeling, is exactly how the system is supposed to work: Model is treated unfairly, model contacts her representative, representative deals with situation appropriately.

JS: There are these people who are going to take some kind of an ‘In' that you gave them, and use it against you. As some kind of leverage.
CR: Definitely missing the empathy chip. Totally missing it. Did you have any experiences like that?
JS: I did, actually. I told a story of when, during the sad break-up of a long relationship, I went to work for the first time in a new market, having gained a few pounds above my fighting weight. And I got to Milan, and the agency was upset. Extremely upset. The woman — it wasn't my booker, my booker was great — but the woman who was in charge of doing all the measuring, was viciously unkind. You know, it's your first day, you're on your way home from the airport and they whip out the measuring tape to see where you're at.
CR: It's so uncomfortable.
JS: You're standing there naked in front of strangers. After stepping off your long flight, it's the first thing they want to do. And this woman said, ‘Ugh. These hips…' And I made the mistake of telling her the basics of what was going on. I made sure to say, But I am getting back on track! She just looked at me and said, ‘We had another girl who just broke up with her boyfriend, and she's not been eating at all. It's strange how some people react.'
CR: Are you serious?
JS: Yep. She was like, Shame you aren't one of those girls who stops eating during times of emotional strife! Because we'd really prefer that!
CR: We would prefer you to handle stress in a different way, Jenna! Can you manage to change your way of handling stress? And depression? Can you do that? Yeah, that makes sense. Wow.
JS: It was ridiculous. I can laugh about it now, but at the time I just wanted to cry.
CR: Of course…I can't even believe people are like that. I remember being on this shoot once, and this was when I had put on the weight, you know, after starving for so long.
Crystal is talking about the period when, while still working as a straight-size model, her metabolism slowed and she started, slowly, gaining weight even despite her extremely disordered eating and near-constant exercising. Crystal used to maintain two gym memberships to avoid detection as a compulsive exerciser.
CR: I was working on a commercial with this girl who was 6' tall, and there's me, who's 5'9". We wore the same bathing suit, and the stylist said...‘Oh honey, it's OK. You just have a fat ass!'
JS: No.
CR: That's what he said. So I go into the bathroom. I have a fucking fit in the bathroom. I am so angry, I'm like — steaming hot tears are pouring down my face. I'm like, this freaking guy, has just pushed my wrong button.
JS: Let me find your weak point and jam it in there!
CR: You just have a fat ass.
JS: That's disgusting. That he would say that. To anyone.
CR: I just remember being like, dying inside. And then I had to go be on camera in a bathing suit. I have never felt so disgusted with myself or with everyone around me.
JS: That's terrible.
CR: That rubbed me the worst. And that was right before I made the decision to stop what I was doing. I was like, What do you want? What do you want from me? I am doing everything I can. There's no food. There's exercise only. And I am still not the size that you want.
JS: I think it's — I think the relationship that you have with your own body is the thing that's most under threat when you're modeling.
CR: Yeah. Yeah!
JS: Because you're forced to analyze your body, as if from a third-person view.
CR: Totally. I love that you know that…You're an object.
JS: You objectify yourself...You know, when I was reading your book, I was just struck with the thought, How is it possible that your old agency never noticed that this girl had an eating disorder. They asked you — they told you — to lose a vast amount of weight. Like, 40% of your body weight.
CR: I don't think they really understood what they were asking. I want to think that they didn't really understand what they were asking me, a 14-year-old girl, to do. I mean, [when someone is asked to diet down to a certain measurement] nobody knows for sure how many pounds that will actually be.
JS: It's so fucking naïve though. And, Jesus Christ, when you're dealing with such young girls, irresponsible.
CR: I think so. They have certain requirements, and I don't think they want to think about how the girl meets those requirements…A lot of girls never come forward to their agencies and say, Hey, I starve myself to maintain the standards that you've set for me.
JS: Yeah.
CR: You know, they're not going to do that. I'm one of the only ones. And that's the reason I got a book.
JS: True. And congratulations.
CR: They're literally unaware. And that's, I think, what is the problem. People look away. They are unaware. Not only of themselves, but of the wider problems.
JS: It's true. Everyone sees some little piece of it, but nobody — yet — has stepped forward to take ownership of the problems in fashion in any kind of a holistic sense. I'm curious, how did that feel to walk in to your old agency — after taking that last set of Polaroids, and them still wanting you to lose weight after having an eating disorder for years — how did that feel to walk in there, and say —
CR: I literally had a breakdown. I was like Really, Really? I started to get hysterical. You think I should ‘Maybe go on a diet?' Oh, maybe! Maybe I should go on a diet! Let's see, what am I doing: Eight hours, twice this weekend. Sixteen hours in the gym. Maybe go on a diet! I am eating only vegetables. Maybe go on a diet! What do you think I should do, because I would like to know! Tell me what I should do that I am not doing already! Because I think I have gone above and beyond what any normal person would do for their job! Please, tell me!
JS: Jesus.
CR: Right! Tell me! So that's when my old agent said, Well, you have two options. That's when she understood — she realized, obviously I had done everything…So then she obviously offered me the two options: do commercial work, or do plus size modeling. And she wasn't too keen on the idea of plus size modeling. She was like, It's for old women.
JS: (Laughs)
CR: And I'm thinking, but I can be any size I want and still model!
JS: (Laughs)
CR: (Laughs) Do you know what I mean? Settle for commercial work and still starve myself to be this size?
JS: Plus, she was basically asking you to give up the dream of modeling. Which is that you might book that job with Steven Meisel.
CR: That was exactly it. That was 100% it. I didn't want to lose the dream. Because they would have never supported me in sending me to those people. And I would have been still miserable, in a horrible emotional state, still looking terrible, still starving, and for no dream…Choosing the unknown, but still the dream, was of course the option. I'm not going to lose my life. Wonderful! I know it sounds so casual to say that —
JS: But it was a real concern.
CR: It was a real concern! Where do you go from there? If I'd continued eating as I did even for another couple of months, I would have been in a hospital. I was really starting to be sick.

(Here, having arrived in Williamsburg and sat down outsider her building, we were interrupted by one of Crystal's elderly neighbors, who wanted to warn us not to sit on the curb, and also to tell us to eat at a certain Italian deli around the corner, where he once brought "someone from the Governor's office — because we know all them people." He talked for five minutes.)

JS: (Laughs) That's a real piece of Brooklyn right there.
CR: That's the guy on the block. And he tells me about the same restaurant every time. He'll say, ‘You know that restaurant over there…' And I'm like: I already know what you're going to say. Yes, I know the restaurant. And Armando says, ‘Hello.'
JS: (Laughs)
CR: It's sweet, but like, the twentieth time…
JS: Retirees, man. You move away from Florida [where Crystal grew up, before moving to Clinton, Miss.], and you think you're out of the woods.
CR: In Miami, it's more — you see these kids walking around at the malls. And they wear these really skimpy outfits, and I — cus I told you, I was the Goth girl, wearing my huge glow-in-the-dark JNCOs—
JS: When I read that part of your book, I felt such recognition. Because I used to make my own pants, in high school. I was after that whole silhouette of the road cone. My friends and I were all into sewing and just making whatever we could...we would make these pants with hems out to here.
CR: That's cool. That's really cool! I would have to say that I liked people like that in high school. Who would do interesting things, as opposed to — I guess ‘conforming,' and wearing the same old Gap sweater. Nothing wrong with Gap, Gap's great — but everyone having the same sweater? Really? You and I would have been great friends.
JS: I think so, too. One of the things I always loved about the fashion industry was that sense that it was all the high school misfits, put together in one room.
CR: Totally! Yeah. I actually feel, weirdly enough, now that I'm my normal size, that I'm actually more accepted now than I've ever been in my entire life.
JS: That's really heartening.
CR: It's true. Because, God, I was so uncomfortable in high school. I felt like I was — just a complete outsider…Now that I have accepted myself, and I'm in the fashion industry, I totally feel more accepted by others.
JS: What a wonderful irony!
CR: I think that I've found my place. That's why I'm so happy — the people I work with, my peers, are accepting of me. I came into the industry and I was pulled apart because of my weight, but now, I don't have to worry about such things anymore. I'm in the best, most magical place that can be. It's great.

And then she went inside to pack her suitcase and go to the airport.

Hungry: A Young Model's Story Of Appetite, Ambition, And The Ultimate Embrace Of Curves [Amazon]

• It's confirmed: Katherine Heigl and husband Josh Kelly are adopting a baby girl from Korea. In an episode to air on Friday, Katherine tells Ellen:

"She was actually born the day before me in November, which I thought was really serendipitous and just kind of like a sign. I realized just recently that I basically forfeited my birthday for the rest of my life." And: "Her name is Naleigh. Well, I am naming her after my mother and sister Nancy, Leigh. So we call her Naleigh. I wanted to tell everybody so you don't think I stole a Korean baby." [People]

• Kate Gosselin is "beyond angry" at Jon Gosselin for saying he "despises" her, blah blah blah. [MSNBC]
• Jennifer Aniston is really sick of the haters, yo. That means you, Elle magazine: "It's just their headline of 'Lonely Girl' that's sort of bullshit," Aniston says.  "I agreed to do it because how many times have I done an interview-every time-and you're misquoted and stupid sound bites get taken out of context and all of that….still happened with this. It's unavoidable. I'm not upset about it. I just find it funny." [E!]
• Fans are divided about Ellen DeGeneres being the newest American Idol judge. On the one hand: She's "the people's point of view," because she has no formal music experience. But as one Idol blogger wrote: "Is she going to be a real judge or some kind of joke?" [AP] 
• Prodcers for Sex And The City 2: Electric Boogaloo have cast a "hunk" named Max Ryan to be a European architect who crosses paths with Samantha. He is rather handsome, I must say. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Chris Brown's community service will involve 8-hour work days. He'll begin at 8 AM, get picked up by a Department of Corrections van (along with 40 other offenders), wear an orange reflective vest and pick up trash and litter along highways and roads in Richmond, VA. [TMZ]
• Yes, George Clooney "went public" with new ladyfriend Elisabetta Canalis at the Venice Film Festival earlier this week, so consider him off the market. [NY Daily News]
• Did Demi Moore snub British Prime Minister Gordon Brown's wife Sarah Brown on Twitter? [Telegraph]
• The company that owns Neverland Ranch has filed a bunch of trademarks with the US Patent Office and submitted paperwork requesting to use the Neverland name in association with a museum. A Michael Jackson museum. Of course, Joe Jackson says the company cannot do so without the family's permission. [TMZ]
• Meanwhile, Michael Jackson's family is upset over the charities that are supposed to get 20% of Michael's estate, for reasons unclear. [TMZ]
• After actor James Nesbitt made a joke about shagging Kate Moss at GQ's Men Of The Year Awards in London and Kate reportedly said: "He's so fucking rude. I'll never come to one of these fucking awards ceremonies again!" [Gatecrasher]
• Mary-Kate Olsen was seen "chain-smoking and throwing back shots." [Page Six]
• BREAKING: Kim Kardashian has gone back to brunette. [NY Daily News]
• Hugh Hefner claims soon-to-be-ex-wife Kimberly Conrad cheated on him early on in the marriage, but they are only getting divorced because she sued him over the sale of a house or something. Mo money mo problems. [TMZ]
• Zooey Deschanel will get married in Seattle at the end of the month, FYI. [Page Six]
• Ivanka Trump will get married on October 25 at a golf club. A Trump golf club. [Page Six]
• Do you care about America's Got Talent? Then you may care that columnist Courtney Hazlett thinks the show should be renamed America's Got A Very Broad Definition of Talent. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Eddie Cibrian and LeAnn Rimes: Shacking up. [National Enquirer]
• "It's a Georgian manor. We basically redid the entire thing, from the floors to landscaping to the closets, which are inspired by my New York apartment, with a men's and women's department store-esque feeling! Of course, I have the salon and Nick has a basketball court, which is his favorite place in the house. And I love having the outdoor space so the dogs can play. It's not too small; it's not too big; it's not a monstrosity. It's a home." — Mariah Carey on her new place in L.A. [Elle.com]
• "His movies make money. His movies play everywhere. If I looked like Tom Cruise they just wouldn't say such a thing." — Todd Solondz, on being compared to Woody Allen. [Reuters]
• "[Jessica's] always saying, 'Oh, I want a baby!' Being a mom's so empowering and incredible. I'm one of those people who believes that life brings things to you at a certain time for a certain reason, and if you just go with it, that's where the best moments come from. I've grown up so much. Your body is changing, and it's such an amazing time to feel that connection ... Being pregnant was the healthiest I've ever been in my life. Except for the cupcakes." (Do you envy your sister's freedom as a single girl?) "I really don't." — Ashlee Simpson. [People via Redbook]
• "People can have rhinoceros skin, but there's a point when something's going to hurt you. Not everyone is stone, stone. I haven't watched the news in weeks. I had to ask my chef, 'How's Obama doing?' I haven't read a newspaper." — Janet Jackson, on dealing with her brother's death. [NY Daily News via Harper's Bazaar]
• "I'm so dangerous right now I scare myself." — Shawne Merriman, the San Diegos Chargers linebacker accused of choking Tila Tequila, to Playboy. [NY Daily News]
• ''Somehow during the last Genesis tour I dislocated some vertebrae in my upper neck and that affected my hands. After a successful operation on my neck, my hands still can't function normally. Maybe in a year or so it will change, but for now it is impossible for me to play drums or piano. I am not in any 'distressed' state - stuff happens in life.'' — Phil Collins. [Telegraph]
• "How do I put this like a gentleman... I have never high fived Kristin Cavalari with my penis. My Milli has never slam danced with her Vanilli. I have never Bensoned her Hedges, nor have I attempted to Bartle her James. I'm sure she's a wonderful gal but we have never tasted the Skittles Rainbow together." — John Mayer. [ONTD via Twitter]

Due to general fatigue, this year, we decided that we'd only add up the prices in major high fashion magazine players, meaning: Harper's Bazaar, Elle, and Vogue. The process was tedious, but we uncovered a mystery, learned that jodhpurs are the "it" pant of the season, and discovered other surprising results. Please note that this was not the most scientific of ventures (we didn't call designers for numbers on the various "price upon request" items featured in the magazines) but we did make an easily digestible chart on how the ladymags' selections compared to last year's:


Click on image to enlarge.























It looks like both Elle and Harper's Bazaar editors shifted their focus from expensive apparel to pricey bags and shoes, which have apparently doubled in cost since last year. In fact, it looks like Vogue is the only magazine that reduced its prices during the recession. Then again, the lower totals and averages could be attributed to mere laziness, because a significant portion of the items featured were, as mentioned above, "price upon request." For your amusement, below, a sampling of the magazines' most expensive and the cheapest items in the four major expensive shit categories.

Harper's Bazaar:
Apparel: Cheapest - Gap shirt, $14.50; Most Expensive - Fendi jacket, $40,800
Accessories: Cheapest - H&M ring $5.95; Most Expensive - Van Cleef & Arpels ring set, $335,000
Beauty: Cheapest - RickyCare retro small bobby pins, $1.99; Most Expensive - NuFace Microcurrent Device, $325
Other: Cheapest - $25 Michael Kors Limited Edition scented pen; Most Expensive - Hermès magnifying glass, $410

Elle
Apparel: Cheapest - Gap tee, $15, Most Expensive - Balmain Dress, $28,080
Accessories: Cheapest - Victoria Secret stockings, $13; Most Expensive DVH by H. Stern bracelet, $198,000
Beauty: Cheapest - Murrays pomade, $3; Most Expensive - RSession Nalu Waver (a curling iron), $180
Other: Cheapest - Vie Lux Scented Candle $45; Most Expensive - Gibson Guitar, $3,749

Vogue
Apparel: Cheapest - American Apparel tank, $29; Most Expensive - John Galliano Padded Wool Skirt, $17,715
Accessories: Cheapest - Falke socks, $18; Most Expensive, Lanvin zibeline-wool and cashmere scarf, $10,135
Beauty: Cheapest - Cover Girl foundation, $4; Most Expensive - Secret de vie perfume by Lancome, $240
Other: Cheapest - La Roux CD, $24; Most Expensive - Skepshultt V-bike, $1,250

The Winner: Vogue, for being too lazy (or too Charles B. Rangel) to affix a price to each item.

• Heidi Klum's new coffee table book, Rankin's Heidilicious , is "very naughty." Who doesn't want nudity with their coffee? Oh, wait, everyone? [ElleUK]
• American Apparel brings its sleaze to England. England doesn't like it. [The Street]

• The "provocative" American Apparel ad, which appeared, natch, in Vice, involved a model who appeared to be under the legal age of 16. And who was probably wearing crotchless lame jersey bloomers? AA says she's 23. [Daily Mail]
• No, wait, it's a hoodie - unzipped, obviously, and revealing one underaged nip. [Reuters]
• The Advertising Standards Authority has suggested that the vertically-integrated softcore "could be seen to sexualise a model who appeared to be a child." [BBC]
• Fashion weekly Grazia has come to France, sporting Kate Moss. [WWD]
• Speaking of Kate! The much-discussed Paris Kate Moss retrospective has been put on hold for lack of funds. Priorities, people! [Google]
• This is a woman whose latest perfume ad features leather corsets, partial nudity and "fantasy sex!" [Daily Mail]
• And she's appearing on her celebrity stylist best mate's reality show! [GraziaDaily]
• Grazia's hoping to beat Elle in France. But Elle has a secret weapon: Posh Spice's cleavage. [Cocoperez]
• A biography of Laura Ashley - the woman behind the florals - hits tomorrow. The chintz-mongers will be releasing a line of mugs and fancies to correspond to its release. [ElleUK]
• Karl Lagerfeld's cover of Wallpaper: "While Lagerfeld has shot his current muse, Baptiste Giabiconi, clad in a Dior Homme suit for his cover, he's added a layer of paper to the magazine, which those inclined can peel off to reveal Giabiconi naked. Lagerfeld has also shot a 27-page editorial for the title featuring Giabiconi in locales such as the Queen's Theater in Versailles." He's caught the pulse of the times. [WWD]
• Harper's Bazaar bucked the September slump: their secret weapon? Susan Boyle. [Min]
• House of Deréon is taking their glitz to Greece. Cue Trojan Horse joke. [WWD]
• Mary-Kate Olsen on her style? "There was a photo of me with weird sunglasses on and a green sweatshirt, some striped thing, with tights and cowboy boots. Something really random where in some sense it's me. To this day, I have never read the article. I just saw the photo and thought, 'God, I look crazy in that photograph!'" This, is true. [NYPost]
• And speaking of sartorial eccentrics, what's on tap for Betsey Johnson? "I'm going back to my true blue pieces - and couture prom dresses. I'm hoping the clothes will get edgier - more archival and kick-ass shoulder pads. I just want to be more true blue me." Already hating those young girls who will be buying said couture prom dresses. [VogueUK]
• Ruben Toledo on his (amazing) covers for Penguin classics: "I must confess I didn't re-read the books - I never read them in the first place. (I was a really bad student as a kid!) It was great to enter them without a preconceived notion of where the story was going, which really triggered my imagination. I took all three manuscripts with me to Miami Beach last New Year's break and spent time reading under the palm trees." [WWD]
• Oh dear: is Derek Lam having cash-flow issues? Sources say the former CFDA winner is bleeding money, has lazy managers, and is being "propped up" by "Italian investors." Aren't we all. [NYPost]
• Gucci's funding a scholarship promoting the use of "experimental technologies" that will make fashion greener. [WWD]
• Loads of designers are banding together against Chicago retailer Jake, who has apparently stiffed a bunch of them. [WWD]
• Max Azria's going to be doing a guest turn on the terrible-but-compelling-looking new model drama The Beautiful Life. Is this the beginning of serious fashion cred? Given that the other known guest stars are Tory Burch and Tyra, we're gonna go with "no." [People]
• House's Olivia Wilde is the face of new Escada scent "Desire Me." Quoth the good doctor, "For me, Escada represents style, refinement and sensuality. I like to think of myself as being an Escada woman, and I think that the majority of women aspire to these admirable qualities that this perfumes so perfectly represents." This said, the ad is very cheesy and kinda looks like it was shot in 1993. [Sassybella]
• Speaking of what every woman allegedly wants to be, Megan Fox is said to be the next face of Armani perfume. [Fashionologie]
• She'd be replacing Beyonce? WTF? [NY]
• Mad Men makeup tips: "A great start would be lining the top lash line only with a gel liner like M·A·C Fluidline...We love this product for recreating the perfect '60s eye. Replacing gloss and sheer or shimmer lipsticks with matte reds, bright pinks, and corals help create a more retro look." So does a cocktail and a Winston. [People]
• Tiffany's doing great. In point of fact, they've kicked Wal-Mart's ass. [WSJ]

After a quick glance through this issue, we automatically deem most of the featured clothes unwearable in real life (i.e. metallic leather shorts). We know that these items are supposed to be inspiration as part of trickle-down fashion economics and that only rich and/or those in fashion actually wear such styles. But apparently, there are times when even the boldest of fashion editors don't want to be that fashionable, especially in front of men. According to Elle Creative Director Joe Zee, some of the "girls in the fashion department" typically say "I work in fashion, I don't want him to think I'm obsessed with it." He concludes that "women basically have two wardrobes—-one to wear for other women (or themselves!) and one to wear for men." This is the premise for a feature in which Zee enlists SNL cast member Andy Samberg to represent men in a battle to pick the best outfits for the fashion department to wear for non-work occasions. The result is as you would expect: Samberg picked out more classic items while Zee leaned towards the weird, fashion-forward choices. Cute, yes, but one question: if the editors of this magazine are too self-conscious to wear the very same duds they peddle, why are they pushing them on the rest of us? Find out what else the Elle is pushing in the September issue.