The man who's supposedly dated Vanessa Carlton, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Simpson, Minka Kelly, Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Aniston called on Giorgio Armani to design his SoHo apartment. "After I finally figured out how to behave, and how to dress, I wanted to get the next thing — my apartment — right," he tells Elle Decor. Mayer wore an Armani suit to the Grammys and it blew his mind or something. "For the first time in my life, I understood what healthy messaging was all about." Armani's translation: Shades of gray.
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"I make fantastic fajitas after a late night out," Mayer says. "I can rock a skillet." We've heard that both Jen Aniston and Jess Simpson like Mexican food, so maybe they perched at this very counter, watching John whip up some culinary delights?
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Here's the master bedroom, with what the magazine describes as a "low, shapely Botticelli bed framed in gleaming lacquer and set against walls the color of candlelight." Translation: Zen, with a side of meh. Other than the bed being GIGANTIC, it doesn't really seem like a snare lair. How come the room is not strewn with the underthings of starlets? Where's the "Jessica wuz here" graffiti? In Touch said he keeps a guitar by the bed, for spontaneous serenades! Oh well. At least we know what his sex faces look like.


Seriously, the polka dot guitar is the most exciting thing in his apartment.

Earlier: Jessica Stam Does Elle Decor: A 22-Year-Old Should Not Live Like This

The Moroccan doorway was left behind by a previous tenant. The antique chaise was found on eBay. Stam used interior designer Rafael de Cardenas, who had a vision that didn't work in Stam's original apartment. So she moved. If I sound jealous, it's because I am seething with envy.

A rug without soy sauce stains and a table free of the clutter of magazines and bills. How ever does she do it?

Everything is lovely, I just wonder it it's appropriate for a young model of 22. Is it fun enough? Young enough? Kicky enough? Maybe someone like… a writer… Around my age? Would be more comfortable here. Ahem. Sigh.

I know being a model is not just winning the genetic lottery. It's hard work! But dudes psyched to sleep with a supermodel don't want to see this calm, tranquil oasis with muted colors and 1930s wallpaper. They want mirrors and hard edges and leopard print. Sorry, Jess, better try again… I'll just take that custom headboard off your hands…

Elle Decor [Official Site]

• Karl Lagerfeld has designed a lead figurine of himself, to be sold as a limited edition (1,000 units only) for $300 at Paris boutique Colette. Perfect for teaching etiquette, nutrition, and brand-expansion strategy to your Homies! [WWD, 3rd item]
  
• Agyness Deyn has replaced Drew Barrymore as the face of English designer Giles Deacon's diffusion line, Gold. Anyway, if they were looking for someone less overexposed than Drew Barrymore, they failed. [Vogue UK]
  
• Aw, gender equality! Male models are getting freakishly thin, too. [NY Mag]
  
• Diane von Furstenberg: "Is it clothes that make you glamorous? I don't think so! Glamour is shine, glamour is having an aura, and that is not just about clothes or makeup — I am very often without makeup, and I always look for comfortable clothes. For me, it's important to be who you are, or — even better—to be who you want to be." This doesn't exactly make sense, but at least it seems sincere! [BlackBook]

• The couture shows start in Paris on Monday. And are the suits behind the labels worried about the sucky economy and the fact that, uh, no one can afford couture? Nah, they're just worried it might rain. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Stupid celebrities attending the upcoming couture shows: Ellen Pompeo will be attending Armani "exclusively" (well, excuse us!) and Gossip Girl star Blake Lively is being taken by Vanity Fair to Chanel, Valentino, and Gauliter. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Oh the anticipation, it kills us. A documentary entitled Valentino: The Last Emperor (made by Vanity Fair correspondent Matt Tyrnauer) makes its debut in May at Cannes. [Vogue UK]
• Heidi Klum will be wearing a custom-made John Galliano to the Oscars in February (um, presuming the Oscars actually happen this year), which is somehow supposed to raise awareness for Diet Coke's Heart Truth campaign to educate women about heart disease. Yeah, we don't get it either. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Badgley Mischka are on Martha Stewart today showing bridal looks. Must watch. [Chic Report]
• Okay, not gonna lie: I actually really do want to learn how to get Blake "Serena van der Woodsen" Lively's make-up look. [BellaSugar]
• Barneys New York: Now in Vegas. The store was designed to look a little trashy to, y'know, match the Vegas aesthetic. "There's more glitter here," says Barneys creative director Simon Doonan. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Home Shopping Network is debuting a line of products by Dr. David Watts, which he claims will delay customers' inevitable need for plastic surgery. [WWD, sub req'd]
• American Eagle is starting a line of children's clothing called 77kids, aimed at 2-10-year olds. Just in case you were worried that your kids weren't emblazoned in logos at a young enough age. [WWD, sub req'd]
• It Bag-makers Mulberry just announced that they're going to start doing shoes, also. And today they announced they'll be adding eyewear as well. Way to diffuse the brand, guys. [WWD, 5th item]
• Designer Monique Lhullier's new Bel-Air home is featured on the cover of ELLE Decor this month. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Sass & Bide is doing a diffusion line called Vie that is supposedly reasonably priced. [Okay, note to self: Ask Jen what a "diffusion line" is. Is it like a "bridge" line, only with more particles? -Moe] Pieces range from $63-$260. Your call whether that's reasonably priced or not. [FabSugar]
• Yay for the Gap for making their new CFO a woman. We wish Sabrina Simmons well in her new position. [The Street]
• Vanessa Williams on her retail therapy: "It's much more fun buying shoes at night, after dinner and a few drinks. It just doesn't hurt as much." Note to self: Always get drunk before Prada. [Fashion Week Daily]

• We don't think we can design clothes, so why do clothing designers think they can blog? The Proenza Schouler boys, Jack McCollough and Lazaro Hernandez, will be blogging for the New York Times's T: Style magazine's new site all this week. Says T's online editor, "One of the things I'm trying to avoid is solipsistic navel-gazing." Um, good luck with that! [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• What would you do with $15 million? If you're Mr. Dolce and Mr. Gabbana, you use it to give your New York flagship store a little make-over! [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• And apparently it took $15 fucking million for Mr. Dolce and Mr. Gabbana to haul their Italian booties here to New York. The designers will be back in New York for the first time in two years to celebrate the re-opening of their store at a private dinner tomorrow night. No, we weren't invited. [NYP]
  
• Say what you will about Sarah Jessica Parker, but at least she understands decorum. Of super low-rise jeans she says, "There is not going to be any inappropriate midriff showing, regardless of age," she says. "It's provocative in a way that I just don't feel comfortable with." Also? Kind of 5 years ago. [Daily Express]

• Prepare yourselves, people: Snowjoggers are the new Uggs. Just as ugly, and worn by Lohan too! [Independent]
• Stop the madness! Fashion houses are now hiring meteorologists as consultants to help them best predict the upcoming weather patterns and what kinda clothes folks are going to want to wear given the climate. Ridiculous? Or inspired? [NYT]
• The new apartment building in New York designed by Zac Posen's boyfriend is being shot by Elle international creative director Gilles Bensimon for an "advertorial" for Elle Decor. Follow? No? The lesson here is: It's all about who you're fucking. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Claire Danes walked as a model for Cynthia Rowley when she was 16. And waved to the other model going the opposite direction. Thank God this bitch isn't always so perfect! [Sassybella]
• Teen Vogue continues its strange dance between "art" and life as senior editor Kimball Hastings leaves the Condé Nast title to become the head of celebrity dressing for Polo Ralph Lauren. First: That's an actual job? Second: Apparently now Hastings himself is a "celebrity" because, uh, he's been on The Hills. [WWD, 1st item]
• The Wilhemina modeling agency is 40 years old! Mazel tov, models. [WWD, 5th item]
• Luxury markets? Not doing so well. Our guess? People are over expensive shit. [WWD, sub req'd]
• You've heard of a shaman — Rupert Sanderson is a shoe man. And when he sees a woman on the street in a pair of his handcrafted shoes, he has been known to "hurr[y] along behind her checking the balance and the line of the shoe, to see whether she [is] comfortable walking in them. [Then I] realise that I [am] getting a bit close though so I ha[ve] to cross the road in order not to appear like a stalker. But I got a better perspective on the shoes from the other side anyway." [Vogue UK]
• Burberry designer Christopher Bailey not only won Menswear Designer of the Year at the British Fashion Awards last week, but he also took home the Bambi Award for Fashion on Thursday and an honorary degree on Friday. All these people giving him accolades do know that he designs for Burberry, right? [Vogue UK]
• OMG cutest thing ever: A website where you can try to find your glove's lost mate! [Sassybella]