most feminists I know accept the notion that whether or not a woman is in a relationship doesn't determine how "strong" she is.
as much as this is true, not all women identify as feminists, and even the women i know who are feminists and are married look at their single feminist friends with pity - unless they are independently wealthy or something.
Feminism is not about whether or not a woman gets married, whether or not she has kids, or the career (if any) that she pursues. It is about her having the resources and freedom to make those choices for herself.
I'm single. I consider myself a feminist. I've noticed that a lot of people seem to thing I'm angrily eschewing men and relationships and marriage BECAUSE I'm a feminist. As though it's not possible that maybe I just haven't found someone I want to commit to. And also that holding feminist ideals can make it more difficult to find someone who wants to commit to me, unfortunately. But no, apparently I am single because I'm a man-hating feminist. And according to Hays, the day I finally "succumb" to a man and "give in" to the idea of marriage (seriously, the way she describes Gilbert's decision to marry is just Neanderthal), I will cease to be a feminist. Because believing women should be able to make their own choices and believing in marriage is obviously contradictory. In which case, as usual, I'm perturbed by how Hays conceives of marriage.
@emfish55: Yeah, that's my issue with it too. Hays simply seems to be trying to judge ideology credentials based on personal choices and personality traits.
Listen, I am single and never "get the guy" because I'm awkward. It would be easy to try to justify my awkwardness and lack of dating success with my feminism, but even if I weren't a feminist, I'd still be this way. Hays is simply being petty, lazy and foolish in her argument. And dismissing someone simply because she's getting married is just like dismissing someone else because she's not with a man. Funny that for things that are on extreme opposites of an idea they make such similar claims.
By saying that feminists shouldn't want to get married, all she is really saying is that men and women are not equals, and you can not be equally matched in life. If men and women are equals (as feminism radically supposes) then it shouldn't make any difference whether one is married or not. She is projecting her own misguided beliefs about gender equality on feminism with absolutely no self awareness that she is doing it.
"such women rarely remain single - even if they profess to be feminists."
I can't believe someone is actually saying - nay, writing and publishing! - that feminists are supposed to be single. I'm surprised she's not also angry at men for deigning to be with a feminist.
The whole point of feminism, as I understand it, is to defend against arguments just like this one: that a woman's personal beliefs and credibility are contingent on her behavior as it pertains to men. Real feminists are the people who don't care and don't criticize OR celebrate her choices, because why celebrate something that is as mundanely intrinsic to basic human freedom as being able to get married if you feel like it?
I'm beginning to suspect that a "Real Feminist," one who doesn't upset any feminists ever with any of her choices, is a myth. Sort of like the chupacabra, the Loch Ness Monster, and Tom Cruise's heterosexuality.
@PrettyB is like Whoa: BOTH, silly! We're boy crazy whores who chase after men, only to realize how much we all HATE men and sex in the heat of the moment and withdraw, therefore totally justifying it if those poor, poor confused men rape us. It's ALL our fault! Duh!
@PrettyB is like Whoa: Duh! We're lesbians. And not the sexy kind men want to see, but the butch kind who wear flannel and eat ice cream together on the couch instead of having sex.
I may need to revoke your "feminazi bonerkiller" haircut.
Oh, someone send that silly woman a link to something Jessica Valenti's written about getting married in, ooh, the last month? I mean, let's help Ms Hays keep on top of her research as she's obviously floundering here.
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as much as this is true, not all women identify as feminists, and even the women i know who are feminists and are married look at their single feminist friends with pity - unless they are independently wealthy or something.
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Listen, I am single and never "get the guy" because I'm awkward. It would be easy to try to justify my awkwardness and lack of dating success with my feminism, but even if I weren't a feminist, I'd still be this way. Hays is simply being petty, lazy and foolish in her argument. And dismissing someone simply because she's getting married is just like dismissing someone else because she's not with a man. Funny that for things that are on extreme opposites of an idea they make such similar claims.
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I can't believe someone is actually saying - nay, writing and publishing! - that feminists are supposed to be single. I'm surprised she's not also angry at men for deigning to be with a feminist.
Barf.
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Ain't that right, Jezedudes?
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(What a hag.)
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[www.cnn.com]
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@morninggloria: WORD.
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@morninggloria: Is the Loch Ness Monster the one that married Mimi Rogers?
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I may need to revoke your "feminazi bonerkiller" haircut.
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