• Maybe all those hysterical parents were right about Marilyn Manson. In his latest video he violently beats a woman who looks like his ex-girlfriend Evan Rachel Wood, then leaves her bloody, dead body in a bathtub.

• You can check out the video for "Running To The Edge Of The World" here, if you must: [Perez Hilton]
• Sharon Osbourne said of Susan Boyle: "I like everybody to do well. Even somebody that looks like a slapped arse. God bless her. It's like, ‘You go girl'. She does look like a hairy arsehole... [God] gave her the talent. Yes he did. [And] he hit her with a fucking ugly stick." [BlackBook Magazine]
• Kate Gosselin has the kids for Thanksgiving so Jon Gosselin will be eating with Hailey Glassman. "My family and I would never let him eat Thanksgiving dinner alone in an apartment," said Hailey. "He's coming to our house for Thanksgiving. I don't care." Then she bickered with Jon and informed him that he's "not doing my family any favors," by coming. [Us]
• TLC is planning on calling some bombshell witnesses in their case against Jon Gosselin. The court has allowed the network's lawyer to depose Hailey Glassman, Jon's bodyguard, Jon's former lawyer Mark Heller, and Michael Lohan. [Radar Online]
• Stripper Nicole Forrester says she and Josh Duhamel "had lots of sex" at a hotel after he came into her strip club while he was married to Fergie. Her lawyer adds, "They fell asleep together, and he kept waking her up to have more sex." [Us]
• Josh Duhamel has issued a statement about the cheating allegations saying, "This is not the first nor will it be the last time that a stripper was paid a large amount of money to sell a false story about a celebrity. This story is absolutely ridiculous. It is unfortunate that we have to respond to a story that was created because money was exchanged between a tabloid and this woman." [ET]
• Fergie says: "These allegations are nonsense." [ET]
• Fergie had to gain a little weight for Nine and she says Josh Duhamel, "was excited. He enjoys having both: the extra meat to grab when it's there and the tight stomatch when that's there." [Us]
• Beyonce will perform in Egypt for the first time on Friday, but Islamic conservatives are calling her show an "insolent sex party" that threatens the Muslim nation's "social peace and stability." [USA Today]
• Authorities in Malawi threatened to arrest protesters blocking the construction of Madonna's girls school. The 140 villagers are demanding more money for the land the government leased to her charity Raising Malawi. [Reuters]
• Adidas has ended their $3 million sponsorship deal with the University of Central Florida because Michael Jordan's son, Marcus Jordan, wore his father's brand of Nike shoes to an exhibition game last night. [ABC News]
• The jury in the John Travolta extortion trial had enough votes to convict Pleasant Bridgewater and Tarino Lightbourne before the judge declared a mistrial. [Radar Online]
• Keith Lewis, executive director of the Miss California USA organization, is writing a Carrie Prejean tell-all book titled Pageant Bitch. [Perez Hilton]
• Sources say when Miss California USA officials started playing Carrie Prejean's X-rated tape she said, "that's disgusting," then insisted it wasn't her... until the camera panned up to her face. [TMZ]
• U2 is performing in Berlin to mark the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall, but people are upset because a two meter wall barrier was built around the venue to keep those without tickets out. [BBC]
• Rue McClanahan has been hospitalised after suffering from acute cardiac illness. A tribute to Rue that was planned for November 14 had to be cancelled. "My darlings, I'm just devastated that I am going to have to miss my own tribute at the Castro Theatre," she said. "Unfortunately, my doctor has laid down the law, and I'm currently having some maintenance on the old ticker. Trust me, I'd much rather be in San Francisco having fun and being adored by all of you." [ONTD]
• Adam Lambert just broke up with Drake LaBry and he already has a new boyfriend: singer/songwriter Ferras Alqaisi, who worked with him on his new album. [Star]
• Emmy Rossum Tweeted: "Just saw the first half of the interview of Diane Sawyer speaking to Rihanna about domestic violence. She speaks honestly, bravely... So many of my friends have experienced this, it's very close to my heart. I urge young women - & really women of any age - to watch it... If someone is hurting you, or has hurt you, I urge you to tell someone. Do not be afraid to come forward,tell your friends, tell your family." [Perez Hilton]
• Sources say Debbie Rowe is headed back to court because in the four months since Michael Jackson died she hasn't seen their kids. [Showbiz 411]
• ANTM's Sundai declared winning the competition was "more important than living" so naturally people were worried about her when she was elminated last night. She says, "I'm OK now. It's funny how many people called me and said, "Oh my god, it was so sad...are you OK?" [E!]
• Could Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami be fake?! Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian claimed NBA star Rashad McCants cheated on Khloe after they hacked into his voice mail and found messages left by a female fan. But McCants said they "made the whole thing up" because they didn't have his phone number and had "already called it quits" when the segment was taped in January. [Us]
• Levi Johnston is demanding a retraction from NBC because he claims the Tweets that William Shatner read last night on the Tonight Show were fake and that he did not write "anybody know where I can get some good weed?" [TMZ]
• Elton John has left the hospital after being treated for the flu and a "serious case" of e. coli infection. [People]
• Demi Lovato Tweets: "There's been a lot of rumors lately that I'm dating one of my best friends Joe [Jonas]. I can promise my entire career that I am not. It's unfortunate that some people out there are so desperate for attention that they have to make up gossip to keep their site alive." [People]
• Uma Thurman says she's excited about training again for the third Kill Bill movie. She says: "They train you so hard that when you come to shooting, it's actually quite comfortable. It's not the same as real kung-fu, and I could not defend myself now if someone picked a fight! It was a transforming experience; I was part of a fight team for almost nine months, and that changed my life. They taught me to work harder than I had ever done before, physically, and it's an incredible thing to discover that your breaking point is actually much higher than you think. It's a great gift." [Daily Express]
• "I thought I was going to be one of those easy-going brides," says Jenna Fisher. "I never really thought about it. Whatever … a piece of paper, words – send it out." But then she went to the store to buy wedding invitations. "Three hours I sat there with the all the books," she says. "I turned into a crazy person. My fiancé was like, 'What about the slap it on the piece of paper with crayon and send it out?' But now I'm pouring over the paper quality!" [People]
• Will Smith's first marriage in 1992 ended in divorce and he says it's "Probably the most painful loss of my life. I quit. I could have fixed it. It really was not that bad. With Jada, I stood up in front of God and my family and friends and said, 'Till death do us part.' So there are two possible outcomes: we are going to be together till death or I am dead." [Daily Express]
• Chiwetel Ejifor, who stars in 2012 says, "When I started reading the script it was impossible to put it down. The film is incredibly fast-paced but doesn't sacrifice any of the moral or characteristic drama that is necessary to work in conjunction with all the epic destruction and CGI stuff." [The Telegraph]
• Bret McKenzie says he's not sure if Flight of the Conchords will come back for a third season, "and if we do it will take a while because we need to write a lot of material," he said, explaining that it could take "ten years," and not for the whole season. "That's for one episode. So to do a season of say six episodes, would take 60 years. We could be getting very old." [The Independent]
• Patricia Clarkson says of her new film Cairo Time, "I've always been the secondary, the tertiary character. And now here I am, playing not just a wife, but the Wife. You know, move aside, boys. And if I can be vain about it, it's a real treat to play a lovely, enticing, sexual woman. But it required so much of me. It was kind of brave of Ruba to really write this part for an actress of my age, 49." [N.Y. Magazine]
• Were you aware that Mariah Carey had to make herself look uglier in Precious? "I had to lose all vanity," Carey said. "I had to change my demeanor, my inside, layers of who I am, to become that woman." [L.A.T.]
• Vincent Kartheiser says Mad Men co-star Elisabeth Moss' wedding to Fred Armisen was, "Not a lot of hoopla and waiting around. Really simple and beautiful. Elisabeth said stuff that made me cry... They were really just speaking to each other and the people they loved." Christina Hendricks' wedding to Geoffrey Arend "was much smaller" he says, "Everyone seemed to know each other. I also cried in that wedding!" [Us]

• Miley Cyrus will indeed be in Sex And The City 2:

The teen queen will have a scene with Kim Cattrall: Samantha Jones wants to look "hot and young" and winds up on the red carpet with Miley — wearing the same dress. Hilarious? [NY Daily News]

• Rumors that Johnny Depp will be replaced in the next Pirates of The Caribbean movie: "Completely unfounded," says a Disney spokesperson. [Mirror]
• Just yesterday, Jon Gosselin's girlfriend Hailey Glassman was on the Gosselin family website. Today? She's been deleted. [RadarOnline]
• Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom's wedding: A circus. A guest says: There were so many helicopters overhead, you couldn't hear the vows." Ok! magazine made a $250,000 deal for "exclusive" wedding pix, so when paparazzi pictures of the bride popped up on Sunday, the mag had to spend $50,000 on the shots to keep them off the market. As you may know, E! paid for the wedding, after insisting that it be held immediately so it could be on the season premiere of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. [Page Six]
• Ryan Seacrest is thinking about doing a reality show focusing on Khloe and Lamar as newlyweds. It worked out so well for Nick and Jessica! [NY Daily News]
• In other Kardashian news, Kim Kardashian is back together with Reggie Bush. Professional athletes for everyone! [NY Daily News]
• A second suspect in the Lindsay Lohan burglary has turned herself in. [NY Daily News]
• Should Kanye West go to rehab as an apology for his MTV VMA incident? Columnist Courtney Hazlett says "no, no, no." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Speaking of rehab: Amy Winehouse met a "faith healer" named Peter Hippolyte when she was in St. Lucia, and she's planning on flying him to England to help her stay off drugs and booze. Hippolyte says: "We will say prayers together and she will drink bush tea with antioxidants." [Daily Mail]
• Video: Amy Winehouse rapping. Sorta. [The Sun]
• "The timing of Roman Polanski's arrest in Switzerland on Sunday on a 31-year-old rape conviction couldn't have been better for Brett Ratner." Hours before Polanski was arrested, Ratner announced he'll be producing a sequel to Marina Zenovich's 2008 documentary, Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired. [Page Six]
• Mariah Carey says Precious director Lee Daniels helped her shed some insecurities — he made her arrive to the set without any makeup, and forced her to leave the diva act at home. "That was such a freeing experience for me… By making me look so bad he brought out the ability to never be self-conscious again, and that was a gift that he gave me." On the rumors that Mariah and Nick Cannon are trying to get pregnant, she says: "Well, we enjoy practicing." [AP]
• Jon Hamm and Elisabeth Moss are on the October cover of LA Confidential, and inside Jon says: "The [show] is not meant to be on while you're doing dishes, it's meant to be enjoyed and savored and focused on, and it rewards that attention…" [JustJared]
• At Teen Vogue's 7th annual Young Hollywood party, Kelly Osbourne was overheard telling a friend that she was "shocked" how short the skirts of the young party girls were. [Page Six]
• Randy and Evi Quaid are called "Hollywood's Nightmare Couple" in this extensive piece. Evi allegedly self-medicated with Demerol three times a day, snorting it so it would go right to her brain to cure her migraines. A source says: "She also … believed [Michael] Jackson was murdered along with Heath Ledger, Chris Penn, David Carradine, Natasha Richardson, and other stars who (had been) in movies with Randy." The paranoia that someone was out to get them, and that they weren't safe anywhere, lead to a string of unpaid hotel bills. [The Daily Beast]
• "The enormous sign Evi Quaid made last week — which accused her arresting officer of taking bribes — somehow caught fire this weekend…" [TMZ]
• Emma Watson was "shaken" at the Harvard/Brown football game when security guards had to protect her from gawkers. [Page Six]
• Mel Gibson is asking a judge to remove his 2006 DUI from his record, now that he has completed the terms of his 3-year probation. [TMZ]
• Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, has announced that a major US film company has bought the rights to her series of children's books. She says: "The films will run as a series… America has been so good to me. I failed in Britain, and when I gave it a go in America I was ready to fail there, too — but they have really embraced me." [Daily Mail]
• Emmy Rossum, who kept her marriage a secret all year, will be officially divorced in about 180 days. Court documents reveal that she married record label exec Justin Siegel in February, and that he wants Emmy to pay his legal expenses for the divorce and give him spousal support. He's all, "That's all I ask… of youuuuuu." [E!]
• Emmy is currently dating Sideshow Bob Adam Duritz. [People]
• American Idol castoff Adam "Glambert" Lambert's CD is available for pre-order on Amazon, and is currently number 2 — ahead of Madonna and the Beatles. [NY Post]
• Darrell Hammond's name is missing from the opening credits of Saturday Night Live, and a source says: "He's interested in pursuing acting more, but he's loyal to Lorne Michaels, and Lorne will always have a place for him on SNL for as long as Darrell is willing to come back." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Barbra Streisand's new CD is nostalgic, though the recording process was not: "For the first time, she worked with jazz artist Diana Krall as producer, and did it Krall's way. She performed with Krall's quartet of musicians first, then added orchestration later, instead of her usual practice of performing with an orchestra at the outset." [AP]
• Malaysia has banned Bruno because of the gay sex scenes. According to this column, "Gay sex, or 'carnal intercourse against the order of nature,' is punishable by up to 20 years in jail and whipping in Malaysia." Their views on homosexuality suck, but as far as the film goes, they're not missing anything. [Mirror]
• Mary-Louise Parker, 45, is dating musician Charlie Mars, 35. [NY Daily News]
• Jaime Pressley and new hubby Simran Singh got into a huge fight on their wedding night, maybe because Jaime had too much to drink. [Radar Online]
• "The Inside Scoop on Starting in TV" is the story of how Lara Spencer got her start. [WSJ]
• Jon Cryer and his wife, Lisa Joyner, have adopted a baby girl. [People]
• 90210 2.0's AnnaLynne McCord actually wants to be on the cover of Cosmo. [Page Six]
• "A former aide to Danielle Steel is facing time in federal prison after admitting she stole hundreds of thousands of dollars from the romance novelist." [AP]
• Al Sharpton and actress LisaRaye: It's on. [TheYBF]
• Police officials now have the hard drive found with Ryan Jenkins when he was discovered dead in a hotel room back in August. There was no suicide note, so cops are hoping the computer will shed light on the murder of Jasmine Fiore. [TMZ]
• Whatshisname does not have an eating disorder. [The Sun]
• "In terms of the stress there's just no comparison. For me, at least, writing a novel is a great pleasure. There is stress but it's a different kind of stress: more mental than physical. In a film you're working nights and 16-hour days. Here I am saying poor me, when I've been paid pretty well for that work, but it's a fact. It doesn't matter how much you're being paid. At my age I just feel I don't want to do that any longer. So, the writing is really a godsend." — Gene Hackman, who has quit acting for writing, He and Daniel Lenihan have written three works of fiction, and their latest, Escape From Andersonville, is a Civil War adventure. [The Daily Beast]
• "I am enrolling in Berklee College in Boston to get my bachelor's degree in music! That's how important education is to me. I plan to work with Rev. Al Sharpton because that's how important stressing the importance of education to children is to me." — Wyclef Jean. [BV Buzz]
• "I wasn't nervous because I'd got my body and mind into shape for it. My aim is to become an iconic sex symbol and the Playboy shoot is the first step. I wanted to be toned and curvaceous with a nice butt–I didn't want to lose weight and look skinny." — Heidi Montag on her Playboy shoot. She also says: "I'm a C cup but I want to upgrade to a DD cup. I have a curvy butt now and bigger boobs will enhance my shape." [Prz]
• "Seriously, I feel exactly the same now turning 50 as I did when I was 40 or 30. I am enjoying myself. I happen to think that I am just extraordinarily lucky. I am doing something that I am passionate about and that I enjoy doing. There are a couple of charities I am involved with that would appreciate a donation. But please, no presents from anyone." — Simon Cowell turns 50 tomorrow and will throw a big party this weekend. [Telegraph]
• "We're having Gore Vidal on. Larry David is booked. Those two are favorites of mine. And the usual suspects: Ann Coulter. Susie [Essman] will be on. Barbara [Walters] might be on the first week because she's the queen. Alec Baldwin- I can't get him on the phone. I saw him recently at a U.N. function. He's the funniest. He trusts me because I'm not out to get him. I'm not. Last time I interviewed him, his daughter was there and they were really close." — Joy Behar on her new HLN show, which starts tonight at 9pm. [USA Today]
• "She speaks like this weird white-person ebonics. She has this weird language. She doesn't technically read. But it's OK; she doesn't have to." — Kathy Griffin on Paris Hilton. [Page Six]
• "Come on over and see me after you finish." — Ellen Barkin to Matt Damon. [Page Six]
• "With ratings falling, this might be the last season of Jon & Kate Plus 8. I'm not sure yet." — Kate Gosselin, on her Facebook page. [NY Post]

We see our heros and heroines in odd situations: Betty sensual, Peggy naked in bed with an unknown man, and Don face-down on a hotel floor.


Back at the office, Don tries to impress Conrad Hilton by ordering his secretary to hold his calls. The look on her face is priceless.


Betty's fellow Junior Leaguers have read the recent blockbuster environmental book Silent Spring, and invoke it in their fight against an ugly water tower in their neighborhood. Also: "It's not adorable to pretend like you're not adorable," apparently.


Betty sneaks a call in Don's office with Henry Francis, her new father-surrogate. Notice at the end, she pulls on the Don's always-locked Bluebeard drawer to see if he left it unlocked, and then gives up.


"Can I keep it?" Duck tries to woo Peggy to his new firm with the lure of an ugly Hermes scarf.


A Melba Toast box! A callback to Betty's complaining that all the Melba Toast was gone.


Betty's all over herself in that sundress — about to cheat on the vibrating clothesdryer, perhaps?


Betty tells crush Henry Francis "We all have skills we don't use."


Sally's teacher thinks she's so hot, and tries the "hitting on you by pretending you're hitting on me" trick, but Don blocks her advances by telling her "I'm not bored."


Roger Sterling: the Kramer of this show.


Don, seeming to forget that she knows where the bodies are buried, is a total dick to Peggy. "Every time I turn around you've got your hand in my pocket. There's not one thing that you've done here that I couldn't live without. You're good, get better, stop asking for things." Funny how Cooper could say the same thing to Don!


New email signature: "I wanna take you in that bedroom, lock the door, take your clothes off with my teeth, throw you on the bed, and give you a go around like you've never had."


Betty knows Don's contract with Sterling Cooper is a proxy for his contract with her. "Where do you think you'll be in three years?"


Don meets wholesome draft-dodgers Doug and Sandy, and takes the red pill(s).


Oops, the red pill means Don has to watch his father tell a dirty joke about hillbillies. Worst Matrix ever!


The hippie robbers called Don "Cadillac." So his ensuing injuries are, of course, a "fender bender."


Betty gets the fainting couch of her sex dreams.


Cooper reminds Don that he's in no position to fight the contract, because of what Cooper knows. You might even say he's lucky to even get to sign a contract like that, when plenty of full grown men who are who they say they are would be happy to sign away three years of their lives to Sterling Cooper.

• Gerard Butler is not, repeat, not dating Jennifer Aniston.

"I love her to death," he says. "She's the coolest and she's become a great friend, but there's nothing going on. And if there was, I'd be happy to say it!" Next week's tabloids covers: JEN'S HEARTBREAK! REJECTED BY GERARD! [E!]

• Starbucks barista to Nicole Kidman: "You know who you look like — that lady who used to be married to Tom Cruise. What's her name?" [Page Six]
• Randy and Evi Quaid were arrested yesterday, but they posted bail last night after the Presidio County Sheriff was kind enough to drive them to an ATM. Apparently law enforcement sources believe Randy and Evi have a pattern of staying in pricey hotels and not paying when they leave. [TMZ]
• Jude Law is the biological father of a newborn child, but he has told his one night stand Samantha Burke that he will not see their daughter for three months. He needs to finish Hamlet on Broadway first. [Telegraph, Telegraph]
• Bruce Willis doesn't like Facebook: "It's frightening, I think it's like the fall of Rome. Three years from now, after all the bees are dead..." [Mirror]
• In her book, Mackenzie Phillips claims she had sex with Mick Jagger when she was 18 (he would have been around 35). "I've been waiting for this since you were 10 years old," Jagger allegedly told her. She says: "I'd known Mick since I was a kid, and maybe most people think their parents' friends are old and gross. But this was Mick Jagger. Mick Jagger! He was hot. He had the most perfect ass in history." [NY Post]
• Britney Spears' 50/50 custody split with Kevin Federline will continue, at least through the end of the year. [TMZ]
• Chris Brown has booked his first show since assaulting Rihanna in February: He'll play Power 105.1's Powerhouse '09 concert with Keri Hilson, TheDream and Trey Songz. A source says: "Chris isn't advertiser-safe yet - his image has a long way to go… But for this show, he'll draw a crowd, so the producers of the show are willing to pay." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Jessica Alba's one-year-old daughter Honor is becoming bilingual. "I am a mother who shoves information down her throat, poor thing," Jessica says. "I sing her songs about colors in Spanish and English when I'm cooking. Literally I integrate learning into everything I do. We're into colors because I feel that's something a 15-month-old can sort of identify. So now she kind of points to blue and says 'azul' and I say 'Yes, azul, muy bien!' It's slow going but she's sort of picking it up." [People]
• How is Travis Barker doing after surviving a plane crash and the death of his good buddy DJ AM? Friend Rob Dyrdek says he's doing "better than I would probably think anyone would really expect." [People]
• "Mariah Carey is in a happy place with projects, love life." [USA Today]
• Brody Jenner's girlfriend, Jayde Nicole, is suing Joe Francis, alleging assault and battery. Joe Francis' response: "Jayde Nicole is an absolute and total liar. The only thing that Jayde Nicole is famous for is having a tattoo of the word 'respect' above her vagina." What does that have to do with anything? [TMZ]
• Khloe Kardashian's fiance, Lamar Odom, called off his bachelor party, which was to be hosted by Joe Francis and Khloe's brother Rob. Lamar opted for a private dinner with his teammates (and Joe and Rob) instead, which sounds like a smart move. [TMZ]
• Lamar Odom's bachelor party was supposed to have "stripper poles, midgets, and tons of candy." Because Joe Francis is classy like that. [Page Six]
• Sources says Ok! magazine will pay $300,000 for an exclusive on Khloe Kardashian's wedding. The money will go to Khloe and her mom. [Gatecrasher]
• Holly Madison, Hugh Hefner's former "number one" girlfriend, is getting her own reality show, Planet Holly. Holly says: "It's the perfect excuse for me to be normal in a lighthearted comedy romp. Think Mary Tyler Moore.' Um… MTM did not pose nude or have implants, though, right? [NY Daily News]
• Gossip Girl's Kelly Rutherford has filed court documents alleging that her stressful relationship with her ex husband has affected her ability to produce breast milk for her three-month old daughter. [Extra]
• Kelly Rutherford has been granted a temporary restraining order against her ex-husband, claiming he follows, threatens and scares her, her nanny, and her mother. [NY Daily News]
• Even though Kelis and Nas have been pictured together, their divorce is still on; there will be a hearing November 20. [TMZ]
• Jermaine Jackson's Michael Jackson tribute: "badly organized." [BBC News]
• Anne Heche says that she doesn't plan on marrying the father of her six-month-old child: "I want to stay in love." [E!]
• "Dancing with the Stars goes recession chic by reusing Shawn Johnson's costume for Natalie Coughlin." [NY Daily News]
• Click to see a picture of Emma Thompson is a Morris dancer outfit. [Daily Mail]
• Ricky Gervais explains how he got Philip Seymour Hoffman to do a cameo in his new film The Invention Of Lying: "I didn't know Philip Seymour Hoffman, but I sent him an email saying, 'Dear Philip, please do my new film. There's no money as I spent the entire budget on testicular implants. But don't think of them as my testicles, think of them as our testicles.' He loved it, and it worked." [Telegraph]
• From a great piece on Catherine Deneuve: "When we are talking of her role as a fashion model, and we reach the face, she confirms that she has never had any work done on it, while many of her age have. 'I haven't had the time,' she jokes. Then she adds: 'If you want an explanation, you would have to meet my mother. She is 98. It's genetic.'" [Times Of London]
• Edward Norton will play The Hulk in the Avengers movie. Norton says: "The thing about [Marvel's] universe that's fun is that it all cross-pollinates. Even when I was working on the script [for 'The Incredible Hulk'], I tried to plug in the whole Super-Soldier Serum from Captain America." [MTV News]
• "Olivia Newton-John claims to have seen UFO." [Telegraph]
• Justin Guarini, whose nose job nose is kind of insane, is getting married this weekend in a "spiritual," "intimate" service, which means Kelly Clarkson probably won't be there. [Prz]
• Brigitte Bardot is about to turn 75, and this column "reveals a life lived between bed and bedlam." [Daily Mail]
• Redmond O'Neal has been moved from jail to a an in-patient drug rehab facility. [People]
• Charles Manson follower Susan Atkins, who admitted killing actress Sharon Tate 40 years ago, has died. [NY Post]
• "As ailing showbiz mogul Dick Clark prepares to celebrate his 80th birthday in November, a new documentary threatens to tarnish his image by recounting his controversial beginnings." One word: Payola. [Reuters]
• "Richard Pryor's two children say they were never told their late father set up a trust for them…" [TMZ]
• "I haven't watched Vampire Diaries. And I haven't seen Twilight either." — True Blood's Stephen Moyer. [E!]
• "I think that by understanding Chanel's character and different sources of inspiration, you understand the rest of her life." — Audrey Tautou. [WSJ]
• "It's the first time that I really want to have kids. I've been very fortunate in my career, and my life has been about that for so long that you get bored of it. You're ready for your life to be about other people and other things." — Vince Vaughn, recently engaged... Will this turn into another "poor Jennifer Aniston" story? [People]
• "I wanna eat my potatoes and French fries and sponge cakes. When I play a role like this, I can't have my carbs and it makes me crazy." — Gerard Butler. [E!]
• "It's odd for my kids when they turn up at the theater and see me being a parent in a film. I know they're thinking, 'Who are these kids that are around my dad?' But they seem OK with it. Actually, my girls completely boss me. I have no power in my house whatsoever. I am the geek of my household. I am so low-status in my house, you wouldn't believe it. I'm definitely not treated like a movie star." — Clive Owen, who plays a widower dad in his new film The Boys Are Back. [Parade]
• "I love playing Peggy [Olson]. Finding the balance between playing her, finding new things, and not losing her, and constantly finding enough new stuff to keep her remaining herself…Playing her is an exercise in remaining simple, despite the fact that she is becoming more complicated. [She's] not out to hut anyone, she's just trying to figure out who she is. But it still is agenda-free. She is looking for her place in the world." — Elisabeth Moss, who is on the September cover of Vanice magazine. [JustJared]
• "Hitler was a genius orator. To make that many people turn and change and hate, he had to be a showman and he was." — Michael Jackson, on Rabbi Shmuley Boteach's tapes, which are now a book. [Daily Mail]
• Michael Jackson was asked by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, "Is there a lot of jealousy in your profession?" "Absolutely," Jackson says, "and 'M' is one of them. Madonna." [Page Six]
• "We're more in love than ever. It's great." — Patricia Arquette, who filed for divorce from husband Thomas Jane earlier this year but is now back with him. [People]
• "Atheism has been on the rise for years now, and the Bible of the atheists is [Darwin's] The Origin of Species. We have a situation in our country where young people are entering college with a belief in God and exiting with that faith being stripped and shredded. What we want to do is have student make an informed, educated decision before they chuck their faith.… I am proud to bring this to people's attention. You see things in the world that are truly distressing and you think, 'What can I do?' Well this is something I can do." — Kirk Cameron. [People]

Rose Byrne's "Glinda" special is straight-up beautiful.


Also in the fairy princess camp: a radiant Drew Barrymore.


I don't remember the last time Jennifer Love Hewitt looked so simply pretty on the red carpet.


Lovely to see Christina Hendricks showcasing her bombshell figure in something simple.


Kate Walsh departs from her usual sleek lines with a gorgeous, subtle Grecian number.


Seriously digging Alex Borstein's fun deco ensemble.


Leighton Meester's is definitely one of the top 3 looks of the evening.
[Images via Getty]


Maybe not my favorite look of the evening, but Kim Kardashian is still glam, and gorgeous.


It's always nice to see someone do sleeves on the red carpet - especially when the results are as elegant as Elizabeth Perkins'.


Lindsay Price took a gamble on a basically safe red carpet; I think it paid off.


The tricky gowns are the ones that aren't hideous or gorgeous, but kind of on the fence. I'd put this Jessica McClintock-y number in a "Meh" category if there was one - but the fit and Vanessa's elan take it into positive territory.


Loving Holly Hunter's juxtaposition of geometric and soft.


Speaking of geometric: I'm guessing January Jones' bold gown will be somewhat polarizing; I love it.


Jennifer Carpenter's old-Hollywood exercise in intricacy is one of the few cases when you don't wince to think of so much handwork going into something disappointing.


Alicia Witt's feathered friend is slightly surreal - but not over-the-top.


If anyone can do straight-up 80's power red, it's Sigourney Weaver.


Chloe Sevigny's dress may well be my favorite of the entire evening. Also, decade.


Jane Krakowski's was one of the best of the many disco-inflected numbers.


As was Kaley Cooco's human Oscar.


Cherry Jones has the height for these statuesque lines.


Kourtney Kardashian looks more elegant and naturally beautiful in maternity than I've ever seen her.


Heidi Klum, of course, wrote the book.


Kat Deeley's natural (which, yes, obvioulsy took 4 hours) hair and makeup are a stunning counterpoint to her goddessy gown.


Sure she's been more glam, but I dig how low-key Sally Field kept it.


While I've yet to see a red-carpet look that adequately conveys Mindy Kaling's awesome, I'd say this playful, pretty frock is a definite "good." Even if it looks painful.


If you have to do "Reagan-era," Debra Messing shows how.


Elisabeth Moss' regal situation is almost too busy - I think it's the rich, subtle color that keeps it in bounds.


Sandra Oh overcomes this unfortunate belt by the skin of her sequins.


As you can see, the metallics were totally out of control - but Mariska's not Jayne Mansfield's daughter for nothin'.


Tina Fey nails it. That is all.


I like Mila Kunis' slightly unexpected wine tasting: you?


And why was Mary-Louise Parker the only one with the cajones for a mini?


Jennifer Westfeldt flirts with dowdiness - it's her radiant smile that saves her.


Amy Poehler: adorable.


Ginnifer Goodwin's gown: youthful, gorgeous, apparently magic.


Julia Louis-Dreyfus knows what works for her and doesn't deviate.

• Well here's one we haven't heard before: A source claims that Macaulay Culkin is Blanket Jackson's father. [The Sun]
• Also: Prince Michael Malachi Jet Jackson, 24, claims Michael Jackson is his dad. [TMZ]

• Uh-oh: Heidi Montag wants a baby. Heidi's sister-in-law, Stephanie Pratt, says: "Heidi is the one with the baby fever; Spencer is not. Basically, Heidi got married; [then] she's like, 'Oh my God, what do I do?' I really feel like she went to a bookstore and saw Newlyweds: The Wife's Edition, and so now she's like, 'I still want to get a house with a white picket fence... and then probably a dog, and then we'll move on to kids. And I want to take cooking lessons.'" So surely it's just a matter of time. What shall we do to prepare ourselves for the spawn of Speidi?!?!? [NY Daily News]
• Spencer was seen passing out Playboys with Heidi on the cover to the entire first-class section of a flight from the Bahamas to LAX. No word on whether he said: Take my wife, please. [Page Six]
• Law enforcement sources are saying DJ AM's death was not a suicide. The recovering addict developed a dependency to to Xanax and other benzodiazepines (anti-anxiety drugs) as a direct result of the plane crash he survived. He had developed a high anxiety over flying, but it was something he had to do for work. This relapse was recent, and his death was most likely a consequence of the combination of cocaine and benzodiazepines. [TMZ]
• Dr. Drew blames pain medication for DJ AM's relapse: "It very slowly and subtly reawakens addiction. I'm not saying it was inappropriately prescribed, I'm saying he didn't know the risks." [NY Post]
• Madonna is in Israel, where she visited the Old City in Jerusalem, and toured an ancient tunnel near the Western Wall - the holiest site where Jews can pray. [AP]
• I don't know whether to laugh or to cry: Medics have had to treat Twihards who visit the set of New Moon and freak out over the Sparkle Vamp or the Buff Werewolf. Taylor Lautner says: We've met many different fans: the criers, who come around quite often; the hyperventilators, who stop breathing and have to have a medic come. We've definitely seen some passion." [Daily Express]
• While Jon Gosselin was busy posing it up in Vegas, Kate Gosselin had her own pool party — with bodyguard and rumored beau, Steve Neild. And his family. He arrived with his wife, kids, and teenaged sons and all the kids went swimming and everything was fun and everything is fine. [E!]
• By the way: Jon Gosselin was heckled at his own damn pool party. Guys mocked his bald spot, his weight and his clothes. [Radar Online]
• Jon Gosselin did a sit-down interview with GMA's Chris Cuomo and said something like he's worried the show is "exploiting" his eight children. No, wait, he says: "I'm not saying TLC is exploiting my children. But I do believe the media and tabloids covering my family and the show for their own financial gain are the ones exploiting them. I have said on numerous occasions TLC has afforded my kids a better life and has helped provide a better roof on their heads." [E!]
• Whitney Houston hasn't released an album in six years, but her "comeback" is very controlled. Her interview with Diane Sawyer will not be live; neither will her interview with Oprah. And when she does a Good Morning America performance, it will be taped, not live. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Lily Allen needs an Orgasmaton, STAT. [The Sun]
• Here's an iffy story about the Beckham marriage being torn apart because "While David is keen to play football in Europe, ambitious Victoria is set on remaining in LA." [Daily Mail]
• In these pictures from February, Chris Brown is seen tagging a wall — spray painting his nickname, Breezy. Now graffiti removal will be one of the things he is expected to do as part of his 1400 hours of community service. [Daily Mail]
• Elisabeth Moss spills spoilery Mad Men secrets! "It is so important to [creator] Matt [Weiner], and to the way the story is told, that things remain secret if possible. But I can say that [this season] Peggy starts becoming more of Don's protege and moves up in that world. She goes down paths that are wrong for her, but she is just trying to figure out what it means to be in her position in that man's world. I don't honestly know if she is going to figure it out. Does she have to be like Don, or can she be her own person?" [Reuters]
• Ouch: Miranda Kerr was walking the red carpet at the launch of Victoria's Secret's Heavenly Enchanted fragrance when Melissa (Dancing With the Stars) Rycroft accidentally sprayed her in the eyes and momentarily blinded her. [Page Six]
• "Cate Blanchett and Liv Ullmann have long wanted to collaborate. Now Tennessee Williams has brought them together on the Sydney stage." [Sydney Morning Herald]
• When Chris Noth DJs, you're gonna hear '80s hits from KISS and Prince. [Page Six]
• Highly recommended: outtakes from an interview with Amber Tamblyn, in which she says lots of awesome stuff, like, "I have a poem in my new book of poetry out in September called Bang Ditto about Twitter and the poem is 140 characters about how Twitter can suck it." She also says: "People always ask me why I'm so level-headed and normal and don't lash out like all these other young celebrities and go crazy. Well, I went crazy. I just didn't get caught." [Parade]
• Speaking of Amber Tamblyn, her boyfriend David Cross says he's got no news on The Arrested Development movie. But he's looking forward to it: "Just finding out what the characters are up to. Obviously I miss the camaraderie and having fun, but more than anything, my curiosity is like, 'Oh, what are those guys are doing?'" [Time]
• Will Arnett might be the one holding up the Arrested Development movie. [Gatecrasher]
• Real Housewife Bethenny Frankel is talking crap about Jill Zarin: "Why would Jill be hanging with Jon Gosselin and Michael Lohan? That was like an episode of 'The Surreal Life.' It is utterly embarrassing. I mean, honestly, Urkel should have come - and if Gary Coleman showed up, it would have been perfect." [Gatecrasher]
• Joan Rivers claims she almost rented her apartment to Libyan leader Moammar Khadafy: "The Libyan ambassador called my [broker] and offered over $200,000 a week so he could use it for entertaining… I thought it was great. I said I would give half the rent to Lockerbie." [Page Six]
• Jane Lynch — the funny lady from The 40 Year Old Virgin, Best in Show and Weeds, is described as a scene-stealer in the TV show Glee. "I think 'scene stealer' is a compliment, or at least I take it as one," she says. "I certainly don't try to take attention from anyone else, I just do the best job I can with the material." [Newsweek]
• "Oasis split because Noel Gallagher forgave brother Liam for jokingly suggesting he was not the real dad of daughter Anais." [News Of The World]
• Liam Gallagher has gone to Lake Como now that Oasis has broken up. [Mirror]
• Are the Pussycat Dolls dunzo? The group is taking a "long break" and the members are each concentrating on their "own projects." [Mirror]
• Word is that Shelley Duvall (The Shining, Popeye, Casper Meets Wendy) spends her nights in Blanco, Texas patrolling her yard, convinced her home is a portal for aliens. She went to a local hardware store and asked for dirt to block up a hole in her backyard, because that's where the aliens were coming in. Poor thing. [ONTD]
• Sir Sean Connery has won "Worst Movie Accent Of All Time," for playing an Irish-American cop in The Untouchables with his Scottish brogue. [Mirror]
• What the world needs now: Another Rambo movie. Yes, of course Sylvester Stallone is starring and directing. [Variety]
• "A police force is to review the death of Rolling Stones guitarist Brian Jones, 40 years since he was found lifeless in a swimming pool." [Mirror]
• "They do love each other, but they've always been very different. The funny thing is, they didn't fight as children. They didn't fight until they started the band. I hope this isn't the end of Oasis. I don't think it is. They're just tired at the end of the tour. They've had fights before and got over it." — Peggy Gallagher, on son Noel Gallagher quitting Oasis right before the band was supposed to headline a rock festival in Paris. Right before the split, Liam allegedly smashed a guitar and said to Noel: "You're no brother of mine!" [Mirror]
• "It's now like we have become spirits on the Internet. The time sense and the physical-location sense is lost. And of course the visual looks are lost, too." — Yoko Ono. [Newsweek]
• "This show is mad Brooklynish." Olivia Thirlby, on Bored To Death, the new HBO series starring Jason Schwartzman. [The New Yorker]
• "I start the day reading my political blogs. The Daily Beast. The Huffington Post. Daily Kos. But what annoys me is when celebrities all get on a bandwagon and support a t-shirt company that prints slogans about voting instead of getting involved with specific things they really care about and can nurture. So I try not to be another name on a list. I'm active in things like Planned Parenthood. I'm a poet and writer as well as an actress, and I think that is a kind of politics when I write about body image and the experiences of young people in Hollywood. I've always written stuff like that. It's kept me 94% sane because it's an outlet that a lot of actresses don't get to talk about." — Amber Tamblyn. [Parade]
• "I've said that I was an only child for many years, and I realize now it was a mistake saying it… But when I was about 7, a young woman came to our door and told my dad she was his daughter. And she was. She was from a fling he had in the '60s. Her name is China, and she's an artist and a welder. We've become close." — Amber Tamblyn. [Parade]
• "It is one of the toughest things I've ever done in my life. My entire body hurts. My muscle, my bone, everything." — Mila Kunis, on spending four hours a day, seven days a week in dance classes for Black Swan, in which she and Natalie Portman play rival ballerinas. [WWD]

• Paula Abdul will not return to American Idol. This announcement comes via her Twitter. She wrote:

"With sadness in my heart, I've decided not to return to #IDOL. I'll miss nurturing all the new talent, but most of all I'll miss being a part of a show that I helped from day1 become an international phenomenon. What I want to say most, is how much I appreciate the undying support and enormous love that you have showered upon me… It truly has been breathtaking, especially over the past month… I do without any doubt have the BEST fans in the entire world and I love you all." She was reportedly looking for as much as $20 million to continue with the show, but producers were recently heard talking up new host Kara DioGuardi (who has already signed on for another season, along with Randy Jackson, Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest). [Variety]

• First we heard that Penelope Cruz might be knocked up, then we heard she quit smoking, and now a source says: "Penelope is about four months pregnant." Congrats to Penny and lover Javier Bardem! [Just Jared]
• Thank Zeus: Jennifer Aniston has signed on for a movie we can actually get behind: Goree Girls is about an all-female country band in a Texas prison in the 1940s. [Variety]
• Presented without comment: "A park bench featuring a sculpture of a nude Angelina Jolie with her infant twins is to be unveiled in Oklahoma to promote World Breastfeeding Week." [UPI]
• Madonna's old love letters "borrowed heavily" from Anne Sexton poems. [Page Six]
• Childhood stardom can be tough. Ashley Olsen tells Marie Claire: "[Growing up,] it was almost like I was in the Army. School, work, homework, fly to New York, get in at 2 in the morning, do a morning show at 5 a.m., then another one at 7, then a radio interview at 10." She adds: "I look at Britney, and I'm surprised I didn't end up like her." [Gatecrasher]
• When Jon and Kate Gosselin announced their split, they got great ratings; the new episode's ratings? Crappy. Hence the headline, "Viewers Break Up With 'Jon and Kate.'" [AdAdge]
• More on this in Midweek Madness, but Jon Gosselin is on the cover of In Touch, saying "I'm tired of being blamed." He says his marriage fell apart in October 2008. "Many people think that everything moved too fast, that I was out partying too quickly. But Kate gave up on the marriage last October, and the divorce will be finalized by Sept. 30." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Robert Pattinson has been voted the sexiest man in the world in a Glamour mag poll in which many of the women were obviously Twihards. [The Star]
• Spotted: Kelly Bensimon and Damages actress Rose Byrne vying for Gerard Butler's attention. "Kelly blocked Gerard from speaking to Rose and was flirting up a storm - but he couldn't have seemed less interested." Gerard found Rose later and took her to a "private corner" to talk. [Gatecrasher]
• Gerard Butler says he got involved in his new romcom because he was always cracking jokes: "I was doing an action movie with the guys who made this and at night we would go to dinner and I would be like 'did you hear the one about this?' and they were like The Ugly Truth." [Mirror]
• Chris Brown will be sentenced for assault today. [AP]
• Elisabeth Moss says she and Mad Men costar Christina Hendricks — who are both getting married soon — are having their cakes made by the same people.
  "We've been exchanging flower information a little bit," she says. "Our weddings are sort of different, but we love talking about it." [People]
• CW programming chief Dawn Ostroff says Mischa Barton is at work on her new show The Beautiful Life and has been "great" and there have been "no issues." Everything is FINE okay? [USA Today]
• According to this report, it's not Mischa the CW producers are worried about, it's Elle Macpherson, her TBL costar, who has a large role, but can't act. [Gatecrasher]
• Jamie-Lynn Sigler gets kinda Sopranos-esque in this video, "The Real Housewives of New Jersey with Jamie-Lynn Sigler." Bonus points for "buh-bies." [Funny Or Die]
• The Michael Jackson concert rehearsal footage will be a full-length motion picture… if a probate judge approves the deal by Monday. [AP]
• Joe Jackson, thank you for saying the following: "I do visit the family residence from time to time and will continue to do so, however I will not be involved in raising the children." [AP]
• Administrators of Michael Jackson's estate expect to earn cash from merchandising Jackson-related stuff, which would be good for the kids. [TMZ]
• David and Victoria Beckham MIGHT be moving to a £10million home in Chelsea, London, and here are pictures of the house they COULD live in someday. [Daily Mail]
• Check out Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel in this music video shot to promote (500) Days Of Summer. It's got a '60s look and DANCING! [USA Today, USA Today]
• John Slattery, aka Mad Men's Roger Sterling, may direct an upcoming episode of the AMC show. [LA Times]
• Candy Spelling is still using the media to talk to daughter Tori Spelling. Last week she accused Tori of using her kids as "reality show props"; today she's telling Tori: "I love you, and I always will." [USA Today]
• Daniel Baldwin says of the woman who claims he left her a "hostile" message: "Either she's delusional, can't remember what's going on, or she's psychotic." The woman fired his niece, who is a nanny, and allegedly threatened the niece, saying she would never work in Malibu again. Baldwin says he texted back: "Please don't threaten my niece" and that's it. [E!]
• Former U.S. President Bill Clinton will present filmmaker Steven Spielberg with the 2009 Liberty Medal at a ceremony in Philadelphia. [UPI]
• Jay Leno's new show will have "correspondents" — Brian Williams, Mikey Day, Rachael Harris, D.L. Hughley and Jim Norton. [Page Six]
• Josh Duhamel is in talks to star with Katherine Heigl in Life As We Know It, a romance about two people "whose worlds are turned upside down when their mutual best friends die in an accident and name them as caregivers of their orphaned daughter." Cue parenting goofs, falling in love. [Variety]
• Bam Margera is working it out with his wife, with the help of marriage counseling and meds. [TMZ]
• Johnny Hallyday, the "French Elvis," fell while boarding a yacht on the Riviera last month and dislocated his hip. [Page Six]
• This picture of Whatshername face down getting her ass squeezed while getting a massage is one of the reasons I can't bear to be interested in her. In any case, Whatshisname is hoping for a quickie divorce. [The Sun]
• Blind item! "Which wacky celeb is certainly no angel when it comes to her hobbies? This hostess holds drawing parties for her gal pals - complete with a nude model and lots of alcohol." [Gatecrasher]
• "Silence is a powerful weapon in drama, "What you don't say and what you don't reveal can be as powerful as what you do say. My intention is to make [the performance] as real as possible but never forgetting that it's actually drama." — Gabriel Byrne, on In Treatment. [LA Times]
• "She comes to L.A. from the Midwest to find her mother [who turns out to be one of the original show's characters, Sydney Andrews, played by Laura Leighton], and all of a sudden she's thrown in with the sharks." — Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, on her Melrose Place character. [WWD]
• "In the music business in the Seventies, girls were beautiful. You were a performer, or you could be a girlfriend or groupie, but you still had to look good. I didn't have the face or the body that opens doors... Not being beautiful was an education. My achievements are down to my looks, or lack of them... I'm not putting myself down, that's the truth." — Sharon Osbourne, who says being "short, fat and hairy" meant she had to "develop a brain and personality and be fun and smart and learn to get on with people and make deals." [Daily Mail]
• "I'm not going to confirm or deny that. It might jump forward, it might not." -Jon Hamm, on whether the third season of Mad Men takes place two years after the last season ended. [NY Mag, via ESPN podcast]
• "A lot of his chickens came home to roost, so to speak. He had a lot of balls in the air, and they all kinda came crashing down as the season progressed. A lot more happens in season three, and there's a lot of change coming his way. Not only in his life, but a lot happens in the culture as well. So far, it's been an amazing season and I can't wait for people to see it." -Jon Hamm, on Don Draper's meltdown last season and how Don recovers (or doesn't). [NY Mag, via ESPN podcast]
• "They're fucking nuts. You have to either accept that or you do like me: You get married four times."— James Caan, on women. [Page Six via Men's Journal]
• "My music is a little more edgy so that inspired me to be adventurous. I've never dyed my hair before so this was a pretty drastic change. I've always been known as a brunette but I've been thinking about it for a long time and it kind of just fit with all of the searching with the music and experimenting that I would do the same thing with my look. The look has affected the way I dress, it's inspired me to be more adventurous with what I decide to wear. It's silly that something so simple as changing your hair could have such a big effect. I'm just having fun with it." — Katharine McPhee, on dying her hair blonde. [People]
• "I'm not great [at romance in real life] actually — my husband [musician Josh Kelley] and I have had this argument, I can be but generally I am a little, like, squeamish about being too romantic. I do love a good snuggle, but I don't want to, have to, get all verbally gooey." — Katherine Heigl. [Mirror]
• "I probably seem like not a particularly nice person, not a girl's girl. I think if you put a camera in anyone's life and document it daily for six years, from the age of 21 to 27, there are going to be things that aren't always pretty. Those are the rebellious years, the years of self discovery. I've never been someone who has conformed, and I think my response to that level of attention was to pretend it didn't exist." — Sienna Miller. [Daily Mail]
• "I'm disgusted by him. Here's a guy with eight kids who runs off to 'find himself' — well, he should have found himself a condom." — Joan Rivers on Jon Gosselin. [Page Six]

Oh. My. God. Everyone's girl-crush Christina Hendricks' bizarre, inventive, sinister dress is a bright spot of awesome in a world of styled safety!


Vincent Kartheiser looks like a guilty little boy, but maybe that's the Pete Campbell hair; it's gotta be rough keeping it early-60s long all the time.


I was all about Betsy Brandt's cruisewear special until I reached the bizarre tribe-of-Tory-Burch yoke.


Backing...away...slowly from Aaron Paul.


Even given my distaste for purple in all its iterations, gotta give Anne Dudek full marks for her lovely, delicate accessories and dash of sass.


The main question is: did Jared Gilmore choose his own outfit, or did his mom dress him like a miniature Sky Masterson?


Aww, Kiernan Shipka looks Sally Draper sweet! And best casting in the world: how much does she look like January Jones?


See? Not exactly loving January's mix of soft and sharp here from the waist up, but how 'tast is the skirt? (I just invented that. It's the new "fetch." Or "rufus," if you prefer.)


Elisabeth Moss looks lovely and loving the sea green. Fiance Fred Armisen is one of those comedians who always seems to be in character - like now he's just playing someone serious. Maybe an inevitable consequence of SNL?


Robert Morse will always have a place in my heart for How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. And how sweet is it that he brought his grandson as his plus 1?


Ok, corset-style breast-framers have been among my betes noires for the past 20 years, but will say that Melinda McGraw's looking delightfully Casino: a nice nod to the show.


I think it's the combination of "relaxed" fit, loosened tie and three-piece that makes Aaron Staton's getup look kind of absurd. Like, dude, you're obviously trying really hard.


Dana Delany also nods to the show's rad costuming. I'll admit it: as a nerd, I'd have loved to see a vaguely-60's closed-toe, but I get the impulse to mix it up.


At first glance, found Alison Brie's party frock overly fussy. Being fickle, now I love it. What say you, gang?


I'm just gonna say it: what's going on with Jon "Perfection" Hamm's crotch?


[Images via Getty]

Because it's impossible to go a single day without contributing to the Mad Men Frenzy, here are some quotes from a new interview with Elisabeth Moss in the new Black Book. There are no big huge revelations, but I like how you can almost hear her speaking in her careful, measured way. As usual, she sounds very smart and very down-to-earth. I just wish they had asked her about her relationship with the Church Of Scientology, because I think a lot of fans are curious about that aspect.

On Peggy Olson and Don Draper not having (yet) done it:

"On any other, lesser show, you would have had that happen on the first season, but with us, it's touched upon in the very first episode-and then completely buried in favor of a far more interesting sort of friendship, more protégée-type relationship."

On AMC being unlike any other network (that I've heard of, at least):

"We know everyone at the network; we're actually friends, and we've seen them and hung out with them and been with them from the beginning, so it feels like it's a much more familial relationship."

On what she wears in real life. It's almost anarchic!:

"I'm a huge proponent of Urban Outfitters-I adore them and adore their website and consider it my personal closet much to the detriment of my checking account. I don't have a lot of time to go shopping honestly, and when I do, I'm not a huge designer girl. I'm very like I like the Gap and J. Crew and Urban Outfitters."

On her movie with Sarah Jessica Parker:

"I've done two films this year. One's Did You Hear About the Morgans?- it's a romantic comedy, I play Sarah Jessica Parker's assistant. It really fun to do that kind of comedy, which I've never really done-very light, snappy, you feel like you're in an old 40s movie. I'm a huge fan of Sarah Jessica Parker's, so that was a dream come true to work with her. "

On working with the Apatow gang on Get Him To The Greek:

"Mad Men is so minimal, and nobody ever really says anything-you have five lines, and it's all very quiet. Then you go to doing 10-minute takes of something that's so comedic where everybody's improv-ing and coming up with ideas ... it was so black and white."

And the part that bugged me!:

Black Book: "Before season two of Mad Men started last year, I was talking to costume designer Janine Bryant; at the time, she described Peggy's look as a "schoolgirl in the office" who is "buttoned up" due to her conservative nature. One of the questions I asked her about each character in turn was what she thought a contemporary version of that character would wear. What she said for Peggy Olson was "Marc Jacobs ... Maybe a little bit of Burberry."

Elisabeth Moss: "Oh, that's very good."

Black Book: "What else would the Peggies of 2009 wear?"

Elisabeth Moss: "I could not possibly improve on that. Maybe a little bit of Calvin Klein mixed in ... just the sort of simplicity and professionalism of it, but that's wonderfully put. In fact, there's a dress that I wore this season that seriously could be Marc Jacobs. You could sell it off of the rack."

Ugh to that part. First off: Peggy Olson is in no way known for her sense of style in the world of the show (remember that totally ridiculous gay guy makeover scene?), and since the show took place before irony, she couldn't have been doing that trying-to-look-frumpy-on-purpose Marc Jacobs thing. It's just a really circular argument. Marc Jacobs is inspired by dowdy ladies from the 60's, not the other way around! But it's not like she could disagree with the show's costume designer. Anyway, I love that Elisabeth Moss, the famous movie star, shops at The Gap and Urban Outfitters and J. Crew, and I actually believe in this case it's not a sneaky celebrity trick to sound relatable.

Don will hear a familiar canine whimper during a smoke break. Is it— could it be— Chauncey?


Betty will stand by her (super) Man.


The Sterling Cooper gang will prepare for their network-synergy dance-off with the cast of Breaking Bad.


These men will be old.


Peggy will be smug.


Betty will become disillusioned with material possessions.


Really disillusioned.


Like, "Who am I, really, inside?" disillusioned.


Joan will wonder why all the good-looking men are either married or rapists.


Sal will wish he could just find the right lady to settle down with.


The guys will prepare for their skill-matched dance-off with the cast of The Big Bang Theory.


And, finally, an actual spoilery-type-thing: Don and Sal will have dinner with stewardesses (for Don) and a pilot (for Sal)!

I tried to be as self-appraising as possible, and it does actually look like me! Except I dress like Juno and I recently quit smoking (but the smoking-lips choice looked so much, you know, cooler.) At the end, the application lets you choose from a variety of settings and unceremoniously plops you into them.


If I ever had the chance to toast with Don Draper, you'd better bet I'd be levitating and staring off into the middle distance.


I call this one "Lonely Picnic."


"Let's just stare at that drunk new girl until she goes away."


"Fuck you and your tea, Birdy. I need the hard stuff."


I call this one "Lonely Bedroom."


Wait a second, I thought I chose the "Joan Holloway" body. Why does she get to be so much thinner? Is that in her contract? No fair.


Here I am giving a presentation about to get an intervention.


Andrew Wyeth's little-known masterpiece, "The Drunk Avatar's World."

[These avatars are based on the brilliant illustrations of the artist Dyna Moe.]

• Justin Timberlake will attempt to finish what Ann Curry started: He'll head to Tanzania and climb Mount Kilimanjaro.

Timberlake's goal is to raise awareness of the global water crisis. Rapper Lupe Fiasco and singer Kenna are going with him (?!). He says: "I've been training four times a week to get my VO2 (oxygen consumption) levels up to expand my lungs. We'll climb a week straight, carrying 30 pounds on our backs. It's going to be intense, but it's going to be so rewarding. We're going to be ready for it." [Mirror via GQ]

• High times: Amy Winehouse and Snoop Dogg collaborated last year, but were too stoned to finish the tracks! [The Sun]
• But Amy has been getting all detoxed in St. Lucia — she does a lot of mud treatments to draw out impurities. [TMZ]
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are mentioned as a cheap ploy for attention in this beyond stoopid press release. [Breitbart]
• Mel Gibson has "fled" to Costa Rica with his "mystery blonde." [Daily Express]
• Why hasn't Eminem been on the scene for three years? He's been on drugs. He says: "I wasn't ready mentally. I wasn't ready to give up the drugs. I didn't think that I had a problem. Basically, I went in, and I came out. I relapsed, and I spent the next three years struggling with it. Also, at that time, I felt like I wanted to pull back, because my drug problem had got so bad." He was also impacted by the death of his friend Proof: "I think it kind of hit me so hard. It just blindsided me. I just went into such a dark place that, with everything, the drugs, my thoughts, everything. And the more drugs I consumed, and it was all depressants I was taking, the more depressed I became, the more self-loathing I became." [XXL via The Sun]
• ZOMG Lindsay and Sam ran into each other. [Page Six]
• This report insinuates that Justin Long is super into Drew Barrymore, while she's all, we're just friends. [Gatecrasher]
• Kate Moss had to cut short a vacay in the Maldives because her boyfriend and her gal pal weren't getting along. [Daily Mail]
• Jennifer Aniston and Steve Zahn have a sex scene in the new movie Management. But poor Jen still can't escape being compared to Angelina; this column notes: "While it's no Mr. & Mrs. Smith, let's just say Mike (Zahn) ends up with his shirt off and his pants down to his ankles and Sue (Aniston) on her back on top of a table." [E!]
• The producers of Slumdog Millionaire have donated $740,000 to children living in Indian slums. [People]
• Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia has renewed Martha Stewart's contract and will pay Martha Stewart at least $2 million for the next three years so she can continue living as Martha Stewart. [WSJ]
• Even though In Touch reported that Kate Hudson would be on , she apparently doesn't "do" TV. The rumor is "not true," says her rep. [E!]
• Matthew Perry on Lost? "It is not true," says Perry. "I really don't know why those rumors have been floating about. I have admitted I am a Lost junkie. And at the press junket for [17 Again] I was asked what my favorite TV show was and I said [Lost], so maybe that's how they started." [EW]
• Mandy Moore got help for her new acoustic rock album Amanda Leigh from her "in-home teacher," husband Ryan Adams. [Mirror]
• Lady GaGa rocked the gay bash known as the Palm Springs White Party. She has said: "I love the gay community. Like bleeding heart love the gay community…it's a genuine love I have for them." [NBC Bay Area]
• Audrina on her new reality show: "It's my life after The Hills, my journey. It's going to be a little spicier, edgier, older." We think this means drunken makeout sessions. [People]
• Keisha Knight Pulliam, aka Rudy from The Cosby Show, is getting her own reality show on Oxygen, which involves her live-in boyfriend and will "explore what it's like to be "young, rich, single and co-habitating." The show will be called "Keisha and Kaseem." [AP]
• Guess who else is getting a reality show? Fantasia Barrino. [Reuters]
• Which Idol judge should go: Kara or Paula? [MSNBC]
• It seems that Bruce Springsteen is the "victim" in that NJ divorce scandal where the wife was calling him the other man in her marriage. A source says: "The wife pestered Bruce, but he didn't have an affair with her. He's freaked out that he was named in her divorce because he barely knows her." [National Enquirer]
• Daniel Radcliffe says the kissing scene between Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley is awkward: "Harry's got a real thing for her, and that is slightly odd because when we met I was 11 and she was nine." [Telegraph]
• Speaking of Harry Potter, the Half Blood Prince flick will open two days sooner. [NY Daily News]
• Uh, they are really squeezing the life out of this franchise: There will be a 5th Fast and Furious film. [NY Daily News]
• Miss USA contestants will wear swimsuits from the Jessica Simpson Collection Sunday night. [NY Daily News]
• Real Housewife Jill Zarin had a breast reduction and "feels 20 lbs lighter." [Page Six]
• Sean "Diddy" Combs has just been cast in a Judd Apatow flick, along with Elisabeth Moss and Rose Byrne. Get Him To The Greek stars Jonah Hill and Russell Brand, and the gist of it is that a record label intern (Hill) is hired to get an out-of-control rock star (Brand) from London to a gig at the Greek Theater in L.A. While it might have been interesting if things were shaken up a bit, Diddy plays the record label boss while Moss and Byrne play girlfriends. Of course. [Hollywood Reporter]
• David Duchovny and Tea Leoni are so back on they have matching tattoos now. [Daily Express]
• Catherine Keener has been cast in a fantasy/adventure flick called Percy Jackson, in which she will play a mom whose son is half human (his father is Poseidon). [Hollywood Reporter]
• Here's a profile on legendary producer Jon Peters, whose memoir is "filled with outrageous tales of Jack Nicholson and hookers, and Barbara Walters in her undies." he may have told a room of people that Baba Wawa had "a great rack and nice ass." [The Daily Beast]
• After saying that he "totally understands OJ" Simpson, Hulk Hogan has issued a statement, claiming he "in no way condones the OJ situation. As part of a larger conversation, he referred to it to exemplify his frustration with his own situation." [ET]
• Meanwhile Linda Hogan says she is "taking these recent comments seriously." [ET]
• "Electroclash godmother Peaches and voodoo loving rave producer Drums of Death get together in the latest issue of Dazed & Confused to talk about drugs, power ballads, performance art, their favourite fancy dress costumes, and working together on her new album I Feel Cream." [Dazed Digital]
• Former "pin-up" Heather Thomas has written a novel called Trophies, about Hollywood wives and fundraising. She says: "I researched this and found these wives are responsible for directing about 80 percent of the foundation monies in America. It is the wives who have the time and can draw things to their husband's attention. Trophy wives are seen as charms on a man's arm, but I have come in contact with a lot of billionaires and their wives are busy and often have PhDs and are brilliant businesswomen. I've yet to meet a bimbo trophy wife." [Reuters]
• A former publicist for James Brown is suing for control of his estate. [USA Today]
• Actress Tawny Kitaen has settled a fraud suit against her ex, so you can go back to not thinking about her. [AP]
• Blind item! "Which funnyman doesn't even bother to hide his drug habit? When pals come to visit his pad, they're just as likely to see baggies of cocaine lying around as they are to see throw pillows." [Gatecrasher]
• "Your blob [sic] is very funny and clever. You have so much fun with it. No wonder everyone loves it." — Diablo Cody's mom. [Page Six]
• "When the show started it was such a different beast. It was exciting and dangerous and funny and edgy and bizarre. [Then] it started feeling a little complacent, and that was very frustrating… When you have a jewel, why not polish it and put it out there for all to see?" — Nicolette Sheridan on Desperate Housewives, which she felt never gave her character enough attention. (Her last episode airs Sunday.) [LA Times]
• "Edie's already slept with most of the guys on the street and has caused about as many problems as she could. We will find a new kind of sexiness coming through Wisteria Lane. What I won't do is cast another fortysomething sexy blonde. [Sheridan] performed the aging neighborhood tramp better than anyone has ever done before." — Desperate Housewives creator Marc Chery. [LA Times]
• "I think a wedding is about love, friends, family and fun. I think spending millions of dollars on a wedding is ridiculous and it has never been my dream. I would never do that." — Salma Hayek, denying she is planning an extravagant $2 million ceremony to follow her City Hall nuptials in February. [People]
• "I think this movie presents the relationship between the media and the government - and it's kind of interesting because it says that the institutions are both a little bit corrupt." — Ben Affleck, on State Of Play. [LA Times]
• "I have a little blog that I do with some friends, but beyond that, I'm kind of clueless when it comes to the Internet. I just got e-mail down pat. So I've got to speed it up, I guess. But I tend to get my news from the radio. I don't know why, it's just the way I like it." — Rachel McAdams. [LA Times]
• "I kind of value having people not know where I am or what I'm doing." — Zac Efron, who avoids MySpace and Facebook. [Reuters]
• "I have never seen that (From Justin to Kelly), other than the time I had to sit through it at the premiere. I was contractually obligated to, and I fought that with tears - I did not want to do that movie." — Kelly Clarkson. [MSNBC Scoop via Rolling Stone]

• Why do Kate Winslet and husband Sam Mendes usually fly on separate planes?

Back in 2001, Sam Mendes was booked on American Airlines flight 77 from Washington to L.A., the one hijacked and crashed into the Pentagon. His plans changed, so he never got on the plane, but Kate Winslet also had a terrorist air-scare in 2001. Now Sam and Kate prefer to fly separately, fearing that if they don't, they will leave their children orphans. [Daily Mail]

• By the by, Kate Winslet says: "There's always going to be a part of me that worries about not looking as slim as other actresses." [Daily Mail]
• Heath Ledger won a SAG award last night. [NY Daily News]
• So you know how Lily Allen just broke up with that 45-year-old dude? Right after, she said: "I think, 'This is someone I’d like to spend the rest of my life with.' But I cannot face having bad sex." [Mirror]
• Here's more on the Prince Harry/Chelsy Davy breakup: This paper calls her a "flighty blonde," but a source says: "Chelsy's heart is with her family and Africa. She comes from a relaxed family with different values and a completely different lifestyle from the royals. This is what Harry loves about her. The irony is that ultimately this is why they can never be together for ever. She has often told her friends she will never marry him not only because she doesn't, ultimately, want to live in England but also because she doesn't want the attention that comes with dating a royal. She wants a normal life." [Daily Mail]
• Meanwhile: Princess Eugenie and some friends got drunk at a pole dancing club and the Princess asked if she could try the pole. (She was denied.) [Daily Mail]
• Oh and by the by, Prince William bought Kate Middleton some deer shooting paraphernalia, including a Swarovski stalking scope. She's looking forward to "bagging her first set of Royal antlers." [Daily Mail]
• Rumor has it Hugh Jackman will do a big opening musical number at the Oscars! [Fox 411]
• Whoa: Will Brad Pitt play Steve McQueen? (Brad says: "Nope.") [Extra]
• Does Anderson Cooper fly in the front while his "friend," an "attractive Hispanic man," flies in the back of the plane? [Page Six]
• Drew Barrymore was promoting her romcom, He's Just Not That Into You, when she said she'd love to bring an old butt-kicking franchise back to life: "I’m so into it—Charlie's Angels III!" [E!]
• Amy Winehouse's husband Blake Fielder-Civil might try to use a love letter Amy wrote to him to get her money in divorce proceedings. In the letter, Amy said she'd write albums especially for Blake Incarcerated; he's expected to argue that it means he's entitled to half of her estimated $15 million earnings. [People, Daiy Mail]
• Are Kirsten Dunst and Josh Hartnett back on? [Extra]
• In this Q&A, Matthew Fox talks about why you never see him lending his name to any causes: "I'm an actor. I try to play a character in a really cool story, the very best I can. And somehow or other that does make people very interested in what I have to say. And I think that, being the stubborn bastard I am… the more people want to hear what it is I have to say, the more I kind of… not say anything." [Men.Style.Com via Details]
• Paramedics were called to the home of Amy Poehler and Will Arnett this weekend, maybe because Amy's mom had a health scare? [TMZ]
• Warning: Russell Brand is thinking about giving up sex. [The Sun]
• A reporter tells Rumer Willis she looks a little like her dad. "She shrieks and grimaces, covering the lower part of her face with her hands: 'I hate my jaw!' she says. [Daily Mail]
• What is going on in the Bahamas? Pleasant Bridgewater, a senior in Parliament, has just resigned. Obie Wilchcombe, a former "close friend" of John Travolta and family — and member of Bahamaian Parliament — was taken into custody regarding an extortion plot. Wilchcombe has been released, but a third person, and EMT who tried to revive Jett Travolta, is sill in custody. [TMZ, TMZ, TMZ, Us]
• Wilchcombe says he had nothing to do with the extortion plot. [TMZ]
• Mickey Rourke hasn't seen The Wrestler — and won't, for a while: "I don't watch anything until three, four, five years go by. I see myself every day in the mirror when I'm shaving. I don't get anything from it." [Extra]
• Samantha Morton says she'll boycott the BBC if the corporation won't broadcast an emergency appeal for help in Gaza. Morton took part in a fundraiser for the British Aid Agency Medical Aid for Palestinians. [The Star]
• Paul McCartney might wed his girlfriend, Nancy Shevell. One might think he'd had enough of marriage… [NY Daily News]
• Countess LuAnn de Lesseps has a book coming out: Class With the Countess: How to Live with Elegance and Flair. Will tips on crotch-grabbing and landing a reality show be included? [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which nymphette actress had a really, really swell time in rehab, and has been telling pals that she 'got laid there' all the time?" [Gatecrasher]
• A prop manager from Lipstick Jungle stole $30,000 worth of designer clothes and accessories, but got caught when a limited-edition bag was seen on eBay. [Gatecrasher via Perez]
• Sayonara! Janet Jackson has postponed her tour in Japan due to the global financial crisis. [Internation Herald Tribune]
• Chris Martin gave a lovely lady, Brit singer Alesha Dixon, a ride home. In his private jet. [Daily Mail]
• Wall Street woes mean celeb houses in the Hamptons are going for slashed prices. [NY Post]
• The Jolie-Pitt mansion in Malibu will be up for sale soon, by the way. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Cool interview with Mad Men's Elisabeth Moss. She says of the show: "Everyone who saw it was like, 'They're SMOKING! They're SMOKING!' No one noticed they were cheating on their wives." [Guardian]
• Psst: Elisabeth Moss and Fred Armisen are planning a hush-hush wedding. [People]
• Patrick Dempsey competed in a car race which raises money for breast cancer, and has also opened the Dempsey Center for Cancer Hope and Healing in Maine. [UPI]
• In a Q&A with Lauren Graham, she talks about doing Guys & Dolls on Broadway; a Gilmore Girls movie (not gonna happen) and a new comedy she'll star in, in which she plays "a self-help guru who is truly a mess." [EW]
• Anne Hathaway Googles herself. [Showbiz Spy]
• David and Victoria Beckham have hired two people to clean their mansion in the country, and the couple are named David and Victoria. [Showbiz Spy]
• Hmm, AC Milan is hoping David Beckham will stay with the team. Ciao, Hollywood? [Independent]
• Natascha McElhone made her first official public appearance since the death of her husband last year, and was carrying her newborn son, Rex. [Daily Mail]
• Tommy Lee was seen hanging out with model Victoria Silvstedt — and she had bandages on her knees. What does it mean? [Daily Mail]
• Seth MacFarlane says Family Guy won't strike back at South Park, and that the Family Guy scripts are written by sperm whales. [TMZ]
• Three's a crowd? Cockblocker George Michael went out with Geri Halliwell and her new Italian boyfriend. [Daily Mail]
• Elle Macpherson is dating a multi-millionaire British businessman named Damian Aspinall. [News.com.au]
• Holy femmebot! Kylie Minogue is mega-Photoshopped in her new ads for jewelry company Tous. [Daily Mail]
• Oh dear: Zsa Zsa Gabor lost at least $7 million by investing with Bernard Madoff, the man who's been making the incredibly wealthy merely rich. [UPI, MSNBC]
• Boy George has been moved to a "softer" prison. Is it made of toilet tissue? [Mirror]
• Ladies and gentlemen, an Iron Maiden hotel. [UPI]
• TV chef Jamie Oliver was asked to rate his looks on a scale from 1-10. He says: "About six and a half. It’s not really about the face, though. I think it’s more about what’s in my trousers, to be honest – apart from cooking, that’s the thing I’ve got going for me and a lot of women say it’s enough." [Mirror]
• "Patsy is a figure of nostalgia, doing everything we daren’t do because of our obligations to our families and society. I have turned into a school prefect now but, much as i love my life, i sometimes think i’d like to skip classes and smoke cigarettes in the duck-house again. I could have been Patsy if i hadn’t turned out to be me." — Absolutely Fabulous' Joanna Lumley. [Daily Express]
• "When you're younger, you're always working for something, and now you realize, this is really it. You'd better be enjoying this, because this is pretty good." — Julianne Moore, who is on the cover of Redbook. [People]
• "I can’t stand Angelina and all her babies. Maddox probably thought he hit the jackpot, but then Angelina proceeded to take him to every other Third World country on the planet. He’s probably like. 'Bitch, when the (bleep) are we getting to Malibu?'" — Chelsea Handler. [Gatecrasher]
• "I swear that my waist is now skinnier than before I was pregnant — how do they do that? Certainly it’s nothing to do with me working out. Jerry Bruckheimer [Shopaholic’s mega-successful producer] hired a personal trainer to help me get rid of the 60lb I put on during pregnancy. He said I was lucky I was blessed with good genes because I had a really bad attitude towards exercise — like stopping when it hurt or got boring and having a cup of tea and a slice of cake. Apparently you are not supposed to do that in Hollywood." — Isla Fisher. [Times of London]
• "I think there's something to be said for looking more natural on film. A perfect physique is unattainable for most women who can't hire personal trainers or who don't have the time or inclination to spend two hours a day working out." — Kate Winslet. [Daily Mail]
• "My grandparents didn't take any pills, and they were fine. Just buck up and get over it. Stop being such a fucking pansy." — Bijou Phillips, Scientologist. [Us via Paper Magazine]

• Kelly Osbourne checked into Oregon's Hazelden Alcohol and Drug rehabilitation center on Wednesday. Her mom, Sharon Osbourne, says:

"She knew that it was the right thing to do at this point and we're proud that she did it. The family is all standing behind her. Kelly knew that she needed help and she's getting it." [Star]

• This is 24-year-old Kelly's second time in rehab; she went when she was 18. [Daily Mail, The Sun]
• The SoHo apartment in which Heath Ledger died has yet to be rented. It's empty, and had been on the market, but was taken off last month. [UPI]
• Heath Ledger's sister says of her family: "We are still all nursing broken hearts. Like anyone who loses a family member, it has opened our eyes to the intense suffering and painful journey that is death." [People, News.com.au]
• During an Oscar Roundtable, Brad Pitt was asked if he Googles himself and said: "Dear God. No. Never. First of all, I don't really know how to operate a computer." But! Robert Downey Jr says: "Oh, I love all that shit, personally. Sorry. I love it. Because it's a hoot. Some people overstate their support, like they know you. Other people are busy doing something else and just want to go on this chat site and say some despicable character assassination, which I honestly think they kind of nailed it. I do have that shortcoming. It's really fun." [Perez]
• Mariah Carey was "furious" on inauguration day, because she was seated in the VIP section instead of with the Obama family. So she bailed on the ceremony. LOL. [Page Six]
• Engaged: Mad Men's Elisabeth Moss and SNL's Fred Armisen. That was quick! [Yahoo News via E!]
• Gisele and Tom Brady: Not engaged, despite persistent rumors. [NY Mag via Boston Herald]
• Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony's marriage seems totally fine, despite all the rumors. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Someone's been spreading a rumor that Kanye West is going to do bisexual porn; Kanye says it's not true and "PLEASE I BEG YOU GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!" [ONTD]
• The appellate court has granted an emergency stay in Roman Polanski's sex abuse case; a proceeding scheduled for Wednesday has been postponed. [UPI]
• Kate Hudson is in the Rob Marshall film adaptation of the Broadway musical Nine, playing a fashion writer for Vogue. Hudson, who sings and dances and the flick, says: "I was taking dance since I was a little girl. So to do it with a choreographer like Rob, you could only hope to work with him. It's a childhood dream." [USA Today]
• Is David Beckham in love with Milan and hoping to stay in Italy forever? [Daily Mail]
• Pregnant Gossip Girl star Kelly Rutherford continues to spar with her estranged husband in court; the hubs wants custody because he says she's always working, and Rutherford counters: "If I'm being asked to choose my career over my son, I choose my son. [But] I need this job to pay my bills, legal bills, and [my husband] has offered no support." [People]
• A security gate fell on Tom Cruise's car at Heathrow airport, but Xenu made sure no one got hurt. [TMZ]
• Mickey Rourke is being offered $250,000 to play Crimson Dynamo in Iron Man 2. That's what's known as "lowballing." [Perez]
• Did anyone see Sigourney Weaver flash her underwear on The View? [Daily Mail]
• So you know how Sienna Miller is out as Maid Marian in Ridley Scott's Nottingham? Well Kate Winslet has passed on the role. An offer has gone out to Cate Blanchett, but she's expected to decline as well. Is it that no one wants to kiss Russell Crowe as Robin Hood? [Fox 411]
• By the by, Sienna Miller will make her Broadway debut in September, playing Miss Julie in After Miss Julie. [Daily Mail]
• Marisa Tomei met an exotic dancer named Misty when she was researching her role in The Wrestler and says even though she learned some pole dancing moves for the film, "I ended up not using all of them… I guess you can say I still have some tricks up my sleeve." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which d-bag actor beats his beautiful action-star girlfriend?" [Gatecrasher]
• Patrick Swayze and his wife of 33 years are working on a memoir together. [UPI, EW]
• "I am your father!" James Earl Jones is getting a lifetime achievement award at the SAG event on Sunday. Did you know he was one of the first black actors to play a president on film, in 1972's The Man? [USA Today]
• Lost's season premiere bombed, ratings-wise, with numbers down 25% from last season. [Fox 411]
• Simon Cowell fired Kelly Brook from Britain's Got Talent and is now apologizing and offering her a role on spinoff Britain's Got More Talent. Fun? [Daily Mail]
• Alex James from Blur says when he had a record label in the '90s, he didn't sign Coldplay becayse "they were ordinary." [The Sun]
• Prepare yourself for a new celebrity offspring in the spotlight: Simon Le Bon's daughter Amber is 18, gorgeous, leggy and ready to party. [Daily Mail]
• News you cannot use: Andy Dick is trisexual. "I'll try anything," he told Tyra Banks on an upcoming show. "I really have tried everything, except nothing with animals. There's only room for one animal - that would be me." [NY Daily News]
• SNL funnylady Kristin Wiig will appear on an episode of Flight Of The Conchords, playing a woman both Bret and Jemaine fall for! [Chicago Tribune]
• Ouch: Larry King lost over $1 million by investing with Bernard Madoff. [Page Six]
• Ugh, they're already casting for round two of Paris Hilton's My New BFF. As for the "winner" of the first season, a spy says: "Paris treats her BFF like an unpaid assistant." [Page Six]
• "A 50-year-old woman is equivalent to 40 when I was growing up. If you take care of yourself, 60 is nothing for women these days. In today's world you can be the kind of woman you want to be. I remember my grandmother wearing the apron and the hairdo, but that's gone. Believe me, that is totally finished." — Tina Turner. [Daily Mail]
• "I just hope I can stay famous enough for a little bit so someone rich will marry me. That’s all I really care about these days." — Lily Allen, who looks smoking hot in these pictures from Interview magazine. [Daily Mail]
• "I don't know if this film is going to help my box-office career. The fans who liked my earlier films, who watch films to escape and have some fun, this won't be their cup of tea. But I think I will gain a different kind of audience." — Jean-Claude Van Damme on JCVD. [Guardian]
• "There is a lot of whisper acting these days. Paul Giamatti in John Adams whispered most of his dialogue. Not to criticize him, but, one, I'm hard of hearing. And, two, voice is voice. Not aspiration. A whisper is a raspy sound. A voice is a full sound. Speech is a very important aspect of being human. A whisper doesn't cut it." — James Earl Jones. [USA Today]
• "I've got so many stunning girlfriends who can't get a boyfriend. But when I go out here, I get asked out all the time, and my girlfriends — who are better looking than me — say, 'How the hell does that happen?!' Maybe it's because I'm comfortable with myself." — Heather Mills, underminer. [Page Six]
• "YOOOO WHY WON'T YOU LET ME BE GREAT!!! I HAD THE TWO GREATEST DAYS OF MY LIFE AND WHEN I GET BACK FROM THE LOUIE SHOW I READ SOME SHIT CLAIMING I SAID I'M DOWN TO DO PORN AND SOME BISEXUAL PORN!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THE AVN WOULD POST FIRST PEOPLE BELIEVED THE TWITTER/STEVEN COLBERT THING, ROLLING STONE EVEN PRINTED IT!!!! NOW SOMEBODY HAS BEEN HACKING INTO MY MYSPACE AND SOMEBODY'S ACTUALLY HACKED INTO MY PERSONAL GMAIL ACCOUNT AND HAS BEEN EMAILING PEOPLE FROM IT... HEY WORLD I NO LONGER HAVE A GMAIL!" — Kanye West, naturally. [ONTD]

[Beverly Hills, CA. January 11. Image via Getty.]

A profile of January "Betty Draper" Jones reveals that the actress is being offered “a lot of dramatic roles as a sadder, more neglected housewife.” Meanwhile, Elisabeth Moss has taken on yet another Peggy Olsen style good-girl in Speed The Plow: "They're both sort of guileless. They have something that can be mistaken for naiveté, but it's not. It's just enthusiasm." You can't win. [Vanity Fair, Playbill]

• Amy Winehouse and Blake Formerly Incarcerated: Dunzo. He's left her for a German model; she's admitted that it was never going to last and that they were "only together for sex." Keep in mind that this report comes from a terribly disreputable paper. [News Of The World, Page Six]
• By the by, Blake Fielder-Civil's jail sentence appeal was refused by two judges. [The Sun]
• "Impeccable" sources say Guy Ritchie is banking $70 million of Madonna's money as part of the divorce settlement. That kind of cash will buy a lot of rounds at the pub! [Perez Hilton]
• Oy, Alex Rodriguez is a "Kabbalah school dropout." Madonna will not be happy about this. [MSNBC]
• That was quick: Michael Jackson has settled his court case in which be was being sued by a sheikh. [BBC News]
• Bloody hell. The Twilight sequel has been greenlit. [UPI]

• Brad and Angelina's family is just as cute and perfect in real life as they claim to be. [Page Six]
• OMG Barbara and Jenna Bush helped take Sasha and Malia Obama on a tour of the White House and all of the girls totally jumped on the beds! Says Laura Bush: "They're really tall beds; you need to get a running start." [People]
• Will Leona Lewis team up with Beyoncé and Jay-Z for Barack Obama's inauguration concert? [The Sun]
• Larry Rudolph, Britney Spears' longtime manager, discusses her documentary: "There just came a moment where she decided to get up, brush herself off and move forward. She had hit a low point in her life. She realized that and everybody else realized that. She wanted to get to a better place." Plus, there's A clip! [LA Times]
• Britney made an unexpected appearance in court Friday for a hearing on her ongoing conservatorship. [Yahoo News]
• Jessica Alba ate Nutella crepes at a downtown Manhattan restaurant, where the staff said the meal was "on the house," so she left a $200 tip. Classy. [Page Six]
• In this in-depth piece about Nicole Kidman, we learn that while Keith Urban is on tour and Nic rides around in the tour bus, "She likes to sneak away and go to people's garage sales. 'All I need is a hat, and I go,' she says. She bought little ceramic candle holders at one sale, she says, and embroidered Christmas stockings at another, 'when it wasn't anywhere near Christmastime. I love it.'" [Washington Post]
• Johnny Depp's movie took over a highway in Wisconsin; the detour traffic made a road collapse. Whoops! [AP]
• Ooh: Today is the day that Boy George is due to stand trial; he's accused of assaulting and falsely imprisoning a male escort. [The Star]
• How do people in the Bronx feel about the name Ashlee and Pete Wentz chose for their baby boy? Not impressed. [NY Times]
• "Bronx is beyond precious. I'm over the moon with joy," says Jessica Simpson. "Life is a beautiful miracle. Ashlee and Pete are healthy, happy and enjoying every moment." Cool, cool. Do people really say "over the moon"??? [UPI]
• Nicolette Sheridan, who ended her engagement to Michael Bolton about three months ago, was seen making out with "Hollywood Lothario" David Spade Friday night. Just let that image settle in. [Star]
• Even though Michael Phelps has professed his love for McDonald's, he has a deal promoting Subway. How did the sandwich chain land the deal? [AdAge]
• Illeana Douglas has a (laminated) message for the paparazzi, you should click and see. [DListed]
• Pleasure principle: Janet Jackson is going to take a break from music to focus on having a baby with her boyfriend Jermane Dupri. [Daily Express]
• The economy takes no prisoners: The Tyra Banks Show is moving to the CW's afternoon block after being in syndication for four seasons. Stations have been making budget cuts, so Tyra's production schedule will be cut to 26 weeks from 34. [Reuters]
• Natasha McElhone says her mission now, besides acting and providing for her family, is to complete some of the work her late husband, a doctor, began: "to finish his life, to finish his unfinished business." [LA Times]
• In this interview with Stephen Colbert, he discusses meeting Eleanor Holmes Norton (the District's delegate in Congress): "I felt so dirty. I felt like a piece of meat. I find being a piece of meat very exciting. In my last life, I think I was a veal cutlet." [Washington Post]
• Paris Hilton has been "constantly texting" Benji Madden and trying to show up at clubs where he is supposed to be. [Mirror]
• You can buy a silk couch owned by Jenna Jameson on eBay if you have $9,500 to spare. It's pearl gray. [DListed]
• Even though the economy is in the crapper, there's stuff celebrities won't give up: Mad Men's Elisabeth Moss needs her coffee; Jessica Biel must travel first class; Hilary Swank gets facials; supermodel/ANTM judge Twiggy must have pink Champagne, and much more [WWD]
• Dora The Explorer is getting a new voice: Will kids notice? [Page Six]
• Blind items: 1. Which ex-couple — an actor and a model — still share some aspects of their sex life? Both are known to sleep with a famous Lower East Side topless dancer who has a reputation of never going home alone. 2. Which TV host has such good rapport with his fetching female co-host that his wife has correctly guessed they're having an affair? [Page Six]
• No Doubt: On tour, summer 2009. [People]
• Ben Stiller and Chris Rock: "Israel is better than Hollywood." [AP]
• Dita Von Teese is suing Macmillan Publishers, which printed Patti O'Shea's In Twilight's Shadow, a paranormal romance novel about demon hunting. For some reason, Dita's face is on the cover. She certainly did not give permission. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Now that the Daily Mail has apologized to David Duchovny for printing a story about him having an affair with his tennis instructor, Duchovny's dropped his $1 million lawsuit. [E!]
• Travis Barker is suing the owner and makers of the "defective" Learject that crashed September 19, killing four and leaving him and DJ AM with severe burns. [Yahoo News via E!]
• So you know how Michael Lohan — Lindsay's dad — was going to box for charity? The parole board has stepped in, saying the boxing match can't happen because he spent 20 months in prison for attempted assault. Whoops! [Yahoo News]
• Will the Golden Globes not happen again this year? Last year is was a writers' strike; this year a Screen Actors Guild strike could cancel the event. [Fox News]
• Hollywood veterans and experts from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology are spending $25 million on a lab called The Centre for Future Storytelling. Matt Damon is involved. [Times Of London]
• Lily Allen sought therapy after her miscarriage: "I was in a very, very dark place after the whole thing happened. That was the toughest thing I've had to go through in my life. [Therapy] is really, really helping me. I feel it's getting better and everything's going to be OK." [Mirror]
• Crazy stuff in this Q&A with Quincy Jones: His dad worked as a carpenter for the black mob, and in 1974 Q had two brain aneurysms. Oh, and Q talks about Frank Sinatra: "[He] was one of those guys where he liked you or he didn't. I got to know the Frank that nobody wrote about, the guy who visited Billie Holiday in the hospital to make sure her bills were paid and who took care of Amos and Andy when they were down on their luck. He was a stand-up guy who didn't see color, and that was rare back then." [Newsweek]
• Padma Lakshmi went to see the Foo Fighters and Dave Grohl dragged her on stage; she ended up playing tambourine with the band and getting hit on by Taylor Hawkins. [Page Six]
• Meg Ryan's Bel-Air house is for sale, if you have $19.5 million to spare. You get 6,877 square feet, a pool, spa, and guest house. [TMZ]
• Cedric the Entertainer may not be the obvious first choice for a Broadway drama, but he's getting good buzz for being in the David Mamet play American Buffalo. [NY Times]
• Cops are looking for a "Casanova conman" who claims links to Heath Ledger, Robert De Niro and Keith Urban and has left broken hearts and empty wallets across Australia. [News.com.au]
• Wow. A Keith Richards easy listening album. With a jazz version of "Over The Rainbow. Wow. [Telegraph]
• A doozy of a headline: "Camilla Admits To 'Letting Herself Go' Since She Married Charles... And Vows To Take Up Tai Chi As A New Year's Resolution." Lulz. [Daily Mail]
  
• Warren Beatty is suing over the rights to comic strip detective Dick Tracy. Apparently he's working on a Dick Tracy TV special? Who knew? [Reuters]
• Paul Newman's will was made public and he left his personal property, including real estate, to his wife, Joanne Woodward. His Oscars and other awards went to the Newman's Own Foundation; his airplane and race cars will be sold, with proceeds going to his estate. [AP]
• A Smashing Pumpkins show has been postponed; Billy Corgan's sick! [UPI]
• Billy Zane's parents closed down the Chicago med school they owned, leaving some students in the lurch. [UPI]
• Enya: Might tour for the first time ever. [Reuters]
• Oh, good (oh God?): The Vatican's newspaper has finally forgiven John Lennon for declaring that the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ. Plus, The paper says the Beatles made music that is better than "standardized, stereotypical" songs being produced today. [Reuters, AP]
• Speaking of the Beatles, Paul McCartney says his conflict with John Lennon was over before the singer was shot. [UPI]
• investigators say Olivia Newton-John's missing boyfriend probably drowned while on a fishing trip. [News.com.au]
• A man who waved Samurai swords at a Hollywood Scientology building had a "previous relationship" to the church; he was shot and killed by a security guard. [AP]
• Rocker Bryan Ferry is dating his son's ex-girlfriend. The Roxy Music star is 63; the lady in question is 27 and his son is 22. A "pal" says the lady had fling with the son about 5 years ago. Yuck. [The Sun]
• Jodie Sweetin has filed for legal separation from her husband but is "trying to stay positive for Zoie," their 7-month-old daughter. [People]
• Why is a letter Princess Diana wrote to her royal footman on her honeymoon up for sale? And how sad is it that she mentions how "terribly lonely" she is? [Daily Mail]
• Rod Stewart and Penny Lancaster are trying for a baby. Yeah, he's 63, so what? [Mirror]
• "Ever since her Oscar nomination, Sophie Okonedo has been offered plenty of 'mini-skirted girlfriend' parts. But she'd much rather stay home and do nothing." [Telegraph]
• Blackadder: a Christmas comeback. [The Star]
• A New York rabbi paid $2500 at an auction to go out with ice skating queen Oksana Baiul. He says: "Well, I'm single, it's for charity, and she seems like a nice Jewish girl. I guess I'm the luckiest guy in my congregation." [Page Six]
• "My son would have been at that rally in Chicago when the first African- American president was elected, and I'm sure he would have gone up onstage and grabbed the microphone as only he could." — Ol' Dirty Bastard's mom. [Page Six]
• "I got drunk and lied to him. I said 'I've lost my keys and I can't wake my mum. Can I stay on your sofa?' He went to brush his teeth. I took my clothes off and jumped in his bed. It's the only way I can ever get together with people." — Lily Allen on her seduction technique. [Mirror]
• "I laugh when people say we don't get on. Of course we row. But we are best friends as well as partners. I don't think we'd know what to do without each other." — Kate "Jordan" Price on her relationship with her husband, Peter Andre. [The Sun]
• "Axl's a friend, and I don't want to compromise that. But as for 'fun' crazy: He wrote his (half) brother, Stuart, a $25,000 check every day to throw these lavish theme parties. It was like, we're in Indianapolis, so there were Formula One cars everywhere, with all the girls dressed up in pit-crew uniforms. It was decadence at the highest level I'd ever seen, a Caligula kind of outlandishness. There were orgies, sure. Was I involved? Yes. Well, I was in the same room — we'll leave it at that." — Lars Ulrich on being on tour with Axl Rose and Guns N Roses back in the day. [Perez Hilton]
• "Something else comes out of you when you become a parent and, as you get older, you start to see more character in your face. Now, when I look at myself, I just see somebody at peace, and I see a mom, and I see my own relatives in my face – and that’s a kind of beauty that exists for everybody and doesn’t disappear." — Angelina Jolie. [Daily Mail]