Jezebel: elisabeth hasselbeck

The Ladies Of The View Lightly Bicker Over Sarah Palin, Teen Pregnancy

Slut Machine — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 14:30:00 EDT

A lot has happened since the ladies of the The View went on hiatus earlier this summer, and ABC producers must have been wetting themselves that the premiere of the show's 12 season coincided with the announcement that McCain's VP pick, Sarah Palin, will soon be a grandmother. Elisabeth was in full support of Gov. Palin, whom she says is more qualified to run the country than Obama, as was Sherri. (Whoopi, for the most part, kept quiet). As for Joy, she said "you can't trade a vagina for another vagina." Above is a clip of what's sure to be the first of a daily fight about politics.

Madonna Treats Her Concert Crew To Second-Class Accomodations

Dodai — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 09:00:00 EDT

The crew on Madonna's world tour is threatening to quit because they had to stay at a cheap airport hotel while she stayed in an £11,000-a-night castle. It cannot be confirmed whether or not Her Madgesty said, "Let them eat cake." [Mirror, WOW Report]
Here's the latest on David Duchovny: He may have had an addiction to online porn. And he may have released a statement about it because he was already in treatment and a fellow patient was about to sell info to the tabloids. [Fox News]
Looking back at old interviews, Duchovny revealed his love of porn and '80s porn stars. [People]
Meanwhile, Tea Leoni has canceled her appearance at the Toronto Film Festival. [People]
Lindsay Lohan hung out with Sam Ronson instead of going to her grandfather's wake on Long Island. [The Sun]
Lindsay signed a MySpace message "This song is for SR… ILY." Translation: "This song is for Sam Ronson. I love you." [Pop Dirt]
Are Queen Latifah and her long time partner Jeanette Jenkins planning on adopting? Are they out now? [ONTD]

Some dude's been arrested for stealing a digital camera that had pictures of Kate Middleton and Prince William vacationing in Mustique together. The camera belonged to Kate's little sister Pippa and the guy intended to sell the snaps to the tabloids, obvs. [Daily Mail]
Kevin Spacey: Seen pinching the bare bottom of some dude. [Mr. Paparazzi, via Perez Hilton]
Says a witness: "Kevin looked like he was having a brilliant time." [The Sun]
Elisabeth Hasselbeck of The View is heading to the Republican National Convention on Thursday. She'll fly in and out on the same day. "I must really want John McCain elected," she says, "because I would not get on a plane like that for anyone else." Oh, the sacrifice! Thank God McCain has you. [NY Daily News]
The apocalypse is nigh: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are opening a bar. In NEW YORK. To be called The Hill. [W]
Save Katie! The anti-Scientology group Anonymous will be protesting at opening night of Katie Holmes' Broadway debut in All My Sons. "We aren’t looking to shut it down, we just want to prove a point," says a spokesperson. [MSNBC]
Josh Hartnett and and unnamed female friend went into a little-used library at a SoHo hotel and started getting "hot and heavy." Since the hotel — and the library — are under security camera surveillance, the staff saw a little show on a monitor. No video link, sorry! [MSNBC]
Michael Phelps shot a cameo for the new season of Entourage. "It was like being in New York City with one of the Beatles," Kevin "E" Connolly says. "People were stopping in the streets and climbing up things to see him. They were going nuts. He's like a superstar." [Yahoo News]
Meanwhile, Michael Phelps is totally not talking about the ladies and doing his best to have some privacy: "I never said I have a girlfriend, and I never said I don't have a girlfriend," he says. [People]
DNA evidence has linked an air conditioning repairman to the 2001 stabbing death of Ashley Ellerin, Ashton Kutcher's former girlfriend. [Yahoo News]
Johnny Depp was on stage with his old band! One night only! He played guitar and sang backup! It was for charity. [Yahoo News]
This was probably inevitable but still: Oy: Agyness Deyn is working on a Hollywood career. [Daily Mail]
Not that you asked, but Britney has been working out "super hard" and is in "great shape." [Page Six]
Angelina Jolie would like to work on a European film. "No one has asked me yet," she says. "When I can really speak it, maybe I'll try out for a French film in a few years." [Breitbart]
Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty: Moving in together? They looked at a $22 million mansion in Malibu and Sienna liked it. (At that price point, what's not to like?) [Perez Hilton]
Maroon 5's Adam Levine: Seen hitting on newly single Anne Hathaway at the Vanity Fair DNC party. Uh-oh, isn't Adam on that herpes chart? [Fox News]
James Gandolfini, 46, married his fiancée Deborah Lin, 40, in her hometown of Honolulu, Hawaii on Saturday. "They both wore long, green leis around their necks," says a source. "There were lots of white flowers on the tables and Gandolfini was beaming." [People]
French actress Emmanuelle Beart and director Fabrice Du Welz are defending their latest movie, Vinyan, in which Beart stars as a mother who loses her son to the 2004 tsunami but refuses to believe he is dead. The character and her husband go looking for the kid in the jungle of the Thai-Myanmar border and stumble across a terrifying world ruled by savage children. It's a horror film, but the director says, "I tried to be as respectful as I can. I don't want to be unpleasant to people who have really suffered from the tsunami." [Yahoo News]
John Mayer got really drunk and partied with a blonde cocktail waitress on the last night of his world tour. On stage, he mentioned reading The Secret and said "I had a conversation recently, and a lot of tears were exchanged." Jen Aniston, sniff, sniff. [People]
This is just coming out now, but apparently Amy Winehouse overdosed twice last year: Once in July, from smoking hash for 36 hours; next in August from cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, ketamine and crystal meth. Now she might have brain damage or schizophrenia from the drugs. [The Sun]
Another "Amy Winehouse may have brain damage" story. [Daily Mail]
Headline of the day: "Could Scarlett Be The Next Spielberg?" Yes, Ms. Johansson wants to direct. [Daily Express]
Mel Gibson has become "close to" a "glamorous Russian musician" on the set on his new movie but he says she's just a colleague and he remains happily married. [Daily Mail]
The stage musical version of 9 To 5 features 19 new Dolly Parton songs. "She's so lovely and so humble," producer Robert Greenblatt says. "She says, 'I'm not sure I'll get you the whole way there, but I'd love to give it a try. If something doesn't work exactly, I'll rewrite it.'" [Variety]
Colin Farrell saved this homeless guy's life by giving him cash and telling him: "You need to get your life together, man, promise me. And make sure you go see my new movie." [Toronto Sun]
Jude Law is visiting Afghanistan to promote peace. Yeah, I dunno. [AP]
Sign of the recession? Diddy had to give up his private jet. [The Star]
Natalie Portman won a humanity award at the Venice Film Festival, where she made her directorial debut with a short film called Eve. [The Star]
Duran Duran fan? Maybe you wanna read about how cocaine destroyed the band. Written by Andy Taylor! [Daily Mail]
Sixty-two year old Cher has a 36 year old man and she hired a private jet to fly him and two of his buddies to Memphis to catch a Merle Haggard show, which is kind of awesome. [Page Six]
Michelle Williams and Spike Jonze: Still on. [Page Six]
Leanne Rimes, 26, has been married for seven years, and says she is ready for a baby. [People]
"You are bugging the fuck out… No disrespect. …Alaska? I don't even know if there's any black people in Alaska. If you really think we're gonna let you win the election with these crazy decisions that you're making, you're bugging." —Diddy's thoughts about Sarah Palin in a video directed to John McCain. [Perez Hilton]
Jerry O'Connell says pregnant wife Rebecca Romjin craves lemonade and soy cream cheese. "Can't be cream cheese. Soy cream cheese. Do you know how difficult it is to find soy cream cheese? It's usually in the corner of the supermarket someplace!" [People]
"The easiest sex scene I have done was in Mulholland Drive because it was with another woman. There was no awkwardness. There was no sexual tension." — Naomi Watts. [Sydney Morning Herald]
"When it comes to fashion, I know about as much as Betty. I love to play dress-up and it’s fun, but I’m not interested in the fashion world. If I wasn’t an actress, I’d probably want to be a teacher." — America Ferrera. [Mirror]
"I always knew I was never the prettiest or ugliest girl in the room. Life's too short to inject botulism into you face to get rid of a tiny line because you've laughed too much. I don't feel a need to lose weight, because I'm not 21. I'm happy with my package." — Ashley Jensen, aka Christina on Ugly Betty. [Daily Mail]
"It's very strange to be here in London without Anthony Minghella, whom I loved very much, and very painful. I was so frightened in the first week of shooting The English Patient, I was trembling, but he was trying to find a way to win my trust, and he just said to me, 'Well, fly...' and I did and it changed my life." — Juliette Binoche. [Independent]
"Victoria and I are very different. People bracket us together because we live in the same city and we’re both interested in fashion. Victoria’s fashion line has been very successful and, hopefully mine will be too. But that’s where the similarities begin and end." —Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown. Not that you knew she had a fashion line. [Daily Mail]
"The only thing I can cook really is mince meat, which is ironic because I'm a vegetarian. But I like calzone and lasagne. I cooked every day in Spain so David and the boys lived off minced meat for four years. I cook a Sunday dinner every single Sunday I'll have you know. My kids like Yorkshire pudding so I make that, I can make it from scratch and I make Dora the Explorer cakes for afters because the kids love them." — Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham. [Daily Mail]
"I can't even think about having another baby right now. The boys take up so much of my time." — Victoria Beckham. [Mirror]
"I don't care for [romantic comedies] where the guy is emasculated, tossed around by the woman, and lacking a point of view. It's a disservice to both the male and the female. I like to give my guys some balls" - Matthew McConaughey to Plenty magazine. [Page Six]
"I kind of want to see how the audience responds first. I don't want to overstay my welcome." — Shannen Doherty, on whether she will stick with the new 90210. [LA Times]
"I informed British Airways of my late arrival. I told them I was a kind of minor celebrity and I might get a bit of hassle at the airport. Turns out they are complete arseholes. Even when I fell over and badly creased my hat, I had no assistance. I was crying but I didn't want them to see. A cynic might say I missed the plane, an honest man might say I went to the airport a little late." —Pete Doherty. [Mirror]
"I think manipulation is something that women do a lot, it's still our number one problem. You look at those characters [in The Duchess] — Georgiana and Bess — and they're hugely trying to outmanoeuvre each other, but I think it's also possible for intense love affairs to happen between women — not necessarily sexual, but things can obviously take a sexual turn. Women do get obsessed with other women — whether they love them or hate them, and I think that line is very easy to cross." — Keira Knightley [Guardian]

Even though they're on live TV together all ...

Slut Machine — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 17:20:00 EDT

Even though they're on live TV together all the time, the ladies of The View just recently sat down for their first official portrait. Although she frequently guest co-hosted, Sherri Shepherd wasn't added to the cast until well into the 11th season, and apparently, the gang never bothered to go back and re-shoot the group shot. We always accept that Whoopi is gonna be sporting her own style of awful, but what's up with Hasselbeck's prom dress? They usually put her in all the cute stuff. [People]

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Isn't "Talking About Black People Anymore"... Except That She Is

Slut Machine — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 18:00:00 EDT

This morning on The View, the ladies got into a discussion of the new John McCain campaign commercial that slams Obama for being a "celebrity" and includes footage of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. Staunch Republican that she is, Elisabeth Hasselbeck will always defend anything her favorite candidate does, no matter how asinine. Today she tried to justify the commercial, and was basically shut out by the rest of the panel because the stuff she was saying was pretty stupid. Frustrated that her opinion wasn't being respected, she concluded that people aren't "allowed" to express their conservative views in this day and age. And that's when Whoopi got mad. Clip above.

Loose Lips

Jessica — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 17:40:00 EDT

Before his untimely death, Heath Ledger had invested in a restaurant in Williamsburg, and his father (the executor of Heath's estate) has decided to go ahead with the project. The restaurant is on Bedford Ave. and the tentative name is "the Five Leaves." • Joy Behar was filling on for Larry King last night and Fran Drescher was on. Fran had this to say about Elisabeth Hasselbeck's tears during The View's discussion of the N-word, "What's with the crying? Is that how she wins battles with her husband?" BURN! • Beleaguered country star Mindy McCready has entered rehab for undisclosed reasons. [Blackbook, Dlisted, People]

This Week We Waged War On Terrible TV Hostesses

Jessica — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 19:00:00 EDT

The long-awaited "all black" issue of Italian Vogue hit newsstands, and we gave you a guided tour.
Judy Blume taught us that having your dessert isn't all it's cracked up to be when you're a disgruntled 60s housefrau.
We became your personal style guru.
Three words: dolphin assisted birth.
See little Emily walk. See little Emily run the fuck away from George Bush.
We wanted to run screaming from Today Show bungler Ann Curry.
Speaking of loathsome tv personalities, it was a big week for Elisabeth Hasselbeck! She told us she has never used a vibrator and cried during a discussion of the N-word.

We shared our dirty desks with the world.
We discussed chick lit and Maxi with author Janelle Brown.
Times of London essayist said: incest is best put your brother to the test. We said: do not want.
We reminisced about advertising icons and proposed a few updates.
This week marked Dodai's one-year Jezeversary, so pour some out for our Hello Kitty-lovin' editrix this weekend!

Discussion Of Racist Epithet Brings Elisabeth Hasselbeck To Tears

Slut Machine — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 14:00:00 EDT

Things got really heated on The View today during a discussion of the N-word. The gals were talking about that tape on which Jesse Jackson can be heard uttering the racist insult, even though he was one of the main proponents of banning it. Anyway, Elisabeth Hasselbeck was trying to tell Sherri and Whoopi that they shouldn't be using the word at all, no matter the context, because of children. Then she started crying. Then Barbara Walters made a funny face. How can people not love this show!?

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Has Never Used A Vibrator

Slut Machine — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 13:30:00 EDT

So this explains a lot: Elisabeth Hasselbeck has never used a vibrator, and she won't be starting anytime soon. This morning on The View, the ladies were discussing something that they've talked about a million times before: whether or not your man jerking off to porn — or jerking off at all — is a deal breaker. (It's insane to think that people would hold masturbation against someone.) Elisabeth said she's not OK with it, because it makes her feel as though, if a man has to go to fantasize about anything but her, then that means she's not good enough. Jeez, for someone who's not into masturbation, she's sure as shit into herself. Anyway, Whoopi asked if she ever used a vibrator, and Elisabeth said no, because she enjoys sharing intimacy with another person. Clip above.

Heidi Montag Talks About Fake Tits, Fake Reality Show On The View

Slut Machine — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 13:00:00 EDT

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt were guests on The View this morning. Spencer mainly kept quiet, but Heidi talked about everything from her plastic surgery to her income to her "breakup" with Lauren Conrad (ugh, so bored with that one). Barbara Walters told Heidi that she's in the wrong business, whatever that means (we think that Heidi is in the perfect business, since she makes piles of dough doing seemingly nothing, like getting paid $100K to "show up" at events). Later, she put on a show of pieces from her Heidiwood fashion line, which she says is selling like hot cakes. If it's such a big part of her life, isn't it weird that her "reality" show never mentions it? Clip above.

The View Co-Hosts Engage In Girl-On-Girl Action At The Request Of A Gay Man

Slut Machine — Thu, 29 May 2008 14:30:00 EDT

Today, Mario Cantone was on The View — on which he regularly appears as "the gay friend" — to plug his latest movie, Sex and the City, in which he appears as "the gay friend" to an entirely different group of women. The View ladies asked Cantone if he thinks they'll finally win the Daytime Emmy they've often been nominated for, but have never taken home. He said that they only way they'll win is if they go gay. In response, Whoopi and Joy embraced, and Sherri and Elisabeth followed suit. Leave it to the devout Christians to take it over the top; they ended up breaking the couch! Clip above.

The Ladies Of The View Gag On Penis Jokes

Dodai — Mon, 12 May 2008 12:30:00 EDT

"I spent the day searching for knobs," Joy Behar explains. "I don't want to go online because I like to feel my knob." "You have to touch the knob, you have to grab the knob," Elisabeth Hasselbeck concurs. Whoopi, always a shit-stirrer, claims, "You must bite the knob." Those gals on the View were giddy about gonads today, right? Or were we just reading into things? Clip above.

Related: Knob [Urban Dictionary]

Lindsay Gets Ugly; Courtney Love Hospitalized; Jamie Lynn's Shower

Dodai — Mon, 05 May 2008 09:00:00 EDT

Lindsay Lohan will appear on SIX EPISODES of Ugly Betty, including the season finale. LL will play an old classmate of Betty's who is down on her luck. Naomi Campbell, Christian Siriano, Victoria Beckham and now Lindsay? It's official: Ugly Betty is the new Love Boat. [TMZ]
Oooh, Lindsay's mugshot is being used in a drunk driving ad. [Reuters]
Courtney Love was in the hospital over the weekend; homegirl has strep throat! Stay away. (Not that you needed a warning.) [Mirror]
Thirty guests attended Jamie Lynn Spears's baby shower in Kentwood, LA on Saturday and big sis Britney was one of them. The ladies sat in a circle and opened gifts and nothing scandalous happened, yawn. [People]
Britney hadn't been in her hometown since early 2007. Bet she misses some Southern cooking. [People]
Miley Cyrus appeared at the Disney Channel Games concert Saturday night and thanked fans, saying: "Thank you guys for all your support. Without you, none of this would be possible. I love every one of you and I could not be more appreciative. God bless you." Then she took her top off. Kidding! [People]

Boo! Amy Winehouse has backed out of recording the theme for the new James Bond flick because she's not ready to work. Also: Nothing rhymes with Quantum of Solace. [Variety]
But! Amy will duet with Pete Doherty at a gig at Royal Albert Hall. Which sounds um, healthy? [Mirror]
The nanny who is accusing Rob Lowe of sexual harassment also babysits for Shanna Moakler, whom you may know from the MTV show Meet The Barkers, as she is Travis Barker's ex-wife. [People]
Oscar nominee Judy Davis is suing a Sydney newspaper over an article that implies she is a child-hating selfish hypocrite. The thing is, she doesn't want floodlights on a soccer field near her waterfront home. [Sydney Morning Herald]
Dina Lohan to Jill Zarin of The Real Housewives of New York: "I don't watch TV. Especially reality shows." Haha bet you will when yours starts airing! [Rush & Molloy]
Kim Kardashian: Seen going for a laser cellulite treatment... With camera crews in tow, of course! A butt that famous needs lots of attention and tender loving care. [Rush & Molloy]
Blind item! "Which newly minted TV star is a pushover who already looks ready for rehab? At an L.A. party, the actor was mocked into doing a bunch of shots, despite protesting numerous times that he had to drive that night." [Rush & Molloy]
Lily Allen spent £300 at a nail salon last week but neglected to tip her technician, tsk tsk! [Mirror]
Sean "Diddy" Combs was honored with a star on the Walk of Fame in Hollywood on Friday; his mom, kids and baby mama Kim Porter were all in attendance — and dressed to match. [Concrete Loop]
Avril Lavigne has laryngitis and has canceled or postponed most of her tour. Get a refund, people! [People]
Dinner with Erykah Badu is up for auction! The proceeds go to the African American Museum in Dallas. [UPI]
Gary Dourdan is "embarrassed" about his arrest situation. But the luggage in his car with all the drugs wasn't his and the reason he pulled over and cops found him sleeping in his car was because he didn't want to drive while drunk. So there's that. [People]
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes gave the Beckhams a wine tasting trip to Napa Valley for their birthday; Seal and Heidi Klum and Kate Beckinsale and Len Wiseman also came along. Hot couples wandering through the grapevines? Sounds like the opening scene of a very classy porn film. [Mirror]
A woman is scheduled to testify at R. Kelly's upcoming child pornography trial, and will reveal that she had a threesome with R. and the allegedly underage girl in the infamous video. Wait, wouldn't that be a crime, too? Oh, the woman was also underage when she had the threesome. Great. And by great I mean awful. [TMZ]
A Sting charity concert was meant to raise money for the rain forests, but less than half of the show's profits actually went to the cause. "What are they doing with the money?" the Better Business Bureau asked. Good question. [UPI]
Orlando Bloom: Seen out drinking sake with a buddy instead of attending a fashion show where his girlfriend Miranda Kerr was in the front row. [News.com.au]
Elle Macpherson is moving from London to her homeland of Australia. [News.com.au]
Country star Gretchen Wilson, 34, passed her GED exam in April and will don a cap and gown and finally graduate from high school on May 15. Better late than ever! [AP]
"I came to grips with my bum. Before, I always tied a shirt around my waist when I went for a run. It was ridiculous. I finally told myself, 'I'm not doing this anymore — I have nothing to hide.' I've got some curves, I've got a bubble butt, but I don't mind, because it's what powers me forward when I run." — Elisabeth Hasselebeck. [Page Six]
"Unfortunately for certain media outlets, you will never be able 2 'Michael Jackson' me. That means 2 make it seem like everything I do is so weird or out of place... they always try 2 make it seem like everything is about my ego! That joke is getting old. At a certain point you have 2 respect that I'm one of the last artist that still cares about the fans having the best time of there lives!" —Kanye West. [Perez Hilton]
Iron Man made $100 million? This country confuses me. [E!]

Dear Elisabeth Hasselbeck: Get Over Yourself Already

Jennifer — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 16:00:00 EDT

It's pretty clear that Elisabeth Hasselback hates Barack Obama. And on The View today, she all but called the front-runner for the Democratic nomination a conceited asshole while getting into a very heated conversation with Whoopi Goldberg, Sherri Shepard and Joy Behar regarding Rev. Jeremiah Wright. It isn't just that she disagrees with what Rev. Wright has to say; she takes offense that Obama only made a move to "distance" himself from his pastor once Wright said that Obama was "acting like a politician." And when the other women of The View pointed out that what someone's pastor once said should not be a campaign issue, especially in the midst of a health care and economic crisis and a war, Elisabeth screamed, yelled, pouted and attacked Obama again. Clip above.

Earlier: Obama Asks, We Answer: The 5 Stupidest Things Elisabeth Hasselbeck Has Ever Said

Britney Returns To TV, Lindsay's Been Drinking, Sandra Bullock In Car Crash

Dodai — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 09:00:00 EDT

Britney is doing another episode of How I Met Your Mother. Mere weeks after Neil Patrick Harris said he didn't want the pop star back! "Our show does not need stunt casting in order to succeed," he said in early April. Today's report claims "the show is ecstatic and so is Britney." [People]
Prince William landed a military helicopter in his girlfriend's yard. Not exactly Standard Operating Procedure. [AP]
Lindsay Lohan supported Samantha Ronson as Sam DJ'd at the Hawaiian Tropic Zone in Times Square. She danced and "really got into the music." Oh, and she was drinking. [People]
Sandra Bullock and husband Jesse James were hit by a drunk driver Friday night in Gloucester, MA. No one was injured; the couple walked away from the accident. The woman driving the Subaru that jumped lanes and hit Bullock and James blew a .20 on the Breathalyzer - two and a half times the legal limit. [People]
Kirsten Dunst and Ryan Gosling were making out at a New York City club. It's on. [Perez Hilton]

There's a rumor that Paris Hilton wants to have a double wedding with Nicole Richie, so they can sell pictures from the ceremony and make millions. A rep says it's not true; we sorta suspect Paris would if she could, but Nicole ain't having it. [Page Six]
Justin Timberlake and John Mayer attended the memorial service for Cameron Diaz' father on Sunday. A source says hardly anyone wore black to the service in Seal Beach: "Lots of people were wearing Hawaiian shirts. It looked more like a party." [People]
Still-jailed Pete Doherty's been evicted from his nine-bedroom mansion (?!?!) because the landlord found blood on the walls and a stench from Pete's abandoned cats. [Mirror]
Oh, and since there were reports that Pete was doing drugs in jail, authorities raided prison cells. They found stashes of heroin and cocaine. Sigh. [UPI]
Jessica Simpson doesn't need hair and makeup people around 24/7 because Tony Romo likes her casual. Eyeroll. [MSNBC]
Harrison Ford decided to pierce his ear years back after a "semi-drunken lunch with Ed Bradley and Jimmy Buffett, who were both wearing earrings." [Page Six]
Madonna is asking the court in Malawi to delay her adoption hearing because she has business in the US to take care of. (Promoting her new album?) [Reuters]
Gross! Some dude stole the bottom half of a replica of Jenna Jameson's body from an adult store in Fullerton, CA. I don't even want to know what he plans to do with it. [UPI]
Kelly Clarkson sang for the pope, yawn. [People]
Enrique Iglesias says he's been trying to get Anna Kournikova to marry him for years. Anna says: "I'm never getting married. Everything is good." [People]
Pictures of Miley Cyrus in her bra are circulating? Is that legal? [Perez Hilton]
Shia LaBeouf doesn't know how to pick up girls. [Page Six]
Elisabeth Hasselbeck is a Bret Michaels fan? LOL. The lure of the weave! [Page Six]
Naomi Campbell: Seen smiling and being friendly at Heathrow airport. [Page Six]
Marla Maples, 44, has been seen making out with Andy Baldwin, 31, who was on The Bachelor. Get it girl! [Page Six]
Amy Winehouse's Bond theme is "going to be a classic," sources say. Bring it on! [Mirror]
A new biography of Heath Ledger claims Naomi Watts wanted to have his baby. [News.com.au]
The jerk who told John Travolta and Tom Cruise that he was Heath Ledger's dad says he's not sorry because he doesn't remember doing it. Also: He has more than 40 convictions for deception, including pretending to the The Rock to get free soccer tickets. [The Sun]
Jennifer Aniston was on Oprah's Big Give. Did anyone watch? [People]
Jude Law's son Rafferty, 11, will play the younger version of Jude's character in a sci-fi flick, Repossession Mambo, that comes out next year. [Mirror]
Eli Manning married his college sweetheart, Abby McGrew, in Mexico on Saturday. [People]
Another wedding: Tia Mowry from Sister, Sister married actor Cory Hardrict in Santa Barbara on Sunday. [People]
Waitresses from Olive Garden, naked in Playboy??!! Cue loss of appetite. [Page Six]

Newlyweds Beyoncé And Jay-Z Not Attached At Hip

Dodai — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 09:00:00 EDT

LOL headline of the day: "Jay-Z Leaves New Wife Beyoncé At Home To Watch Basketball." OMG you guys, he went somewhere without her! [Mirror]
Is Beyoncé wearing gloves so we can't see her damn wedding ring? [Concrete Loop]
Amy Winehouse is the headlining act this Saturday at a festival on the Isle Of Wight. Will she shout out Blake Incarcerated? [Mirror]
Rosie O'Donnell talked about her time on The View on The Martha Stewart Show yesterday: "There was people there telling me what to do. There was a little Republican who scared me." [People]
A fence along the Mexican border "bears all the credibility and seriousness of flying saucers from Mars or leprechauns. Or any manner of malicious, paranoid superstition. In other words, it's bullshit. It's a complete disaster. It's an act of fascist madness." — Tommy Lee Jones. [Page Six]

Paul McCartney is taking 4-year-old daughter Bea on vacation, and Heather Mills has extremely specific instructions as to what Bea can eat, since she's a strict vegan. Good times. [Mirror]
A Boston priest has apologized for stalking TV host Conan O'Brien, thank God. [Reuters]
Tom Cruise's probably-crappy Nazi movie, Valkyrie, has been pushed back a third time — it won't come out until February 2009. The flick has bad buzz, cost $90 million and isn't really finished. Box office poison? [Page Six]
Funnyman and hot Scot Craig Ferguson is headlining the White House Correspondents Dinner, which he's calling "probably the single most dangerous gig in show business." Good luck! [Page Six]
For Hugh Hefner's birthday, Pamela Anderson showed up in his Vegas hotel room naked and holding a cake. Medic! [Page Six]
Ooh, decades-old gossip! Mickey Mantle maybe said Doris Day was one of the best fucks of his life. [Page Six]
Hilary Duff dropping a scorpion down her pants in a scene from a political satire is getting lots of views on YouTube. Related: People are bored. [Page Six]
Gossip Girl gossip: The Asian girl is off the show! Is it because Leighton Meester (Blair) didn't like her? [Gatecrasher]
Blind item! "Which divorced celebs, who still share a PR, are driving the poor flack crazy trying to plant mean stories about each other?" [Gatecrasher]
Sex And The City feud rumors persist: How come SJP was seated at one table and all of her costars were at a different table a gala on Monday night? [Rush & Molloy]
By the way, Sarah Jessica Parker says sexiness comes from "confidence and brains — but I think confidence has a lot to do with it as there are a lot of versions of sexy." [Mirror]
"Gwyneth Paltrow can eat a lot. She can eat a good amount of food for such a skinny movie star. She can out-eat me in rice dishes, like paella." —Mario Batali. [Rush & Molloy]
Speaking of Gwynnie and food, she threw a Mexican fiesta for her son Moses, who turned two on Tuesday. "He loves guacamole," she says. [People]
Lindsay Lohan's former bodyguard is suing her for $55,000 worth of back pay. Get those bills paid, girl! [Rush & Molloy]
Mary-Louise Parker and Weeds costar Jeffrey Morgan have broken off their engagement. Sigh. [People]
Patrick Swayze is having an "excellent" response to treatment for pancreatic cancer. Be well! [People]
Nekkid Hairy Potter is coming to town! Daniel Radcliffe will debut on Broadway in September in a reprise of his London role in Equus. [ONTD]
Richard Gere calls his kiss with Indian star Shilpa Shetty "a badge of somewhat insane courage." Meanwhile, he was in San Francisco yesterday for a pro-Tibet rally — right before the Olympic torch is due in that town today. [Reuters]
Perez Hilton is getting his own radio show. Twice daily, for three minutes, starting May 5. [Yahoo News]

Ladies Of The View Pounce On Former Pimp

Slut Machine — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 14:30:00 EDT

Jason Itzler, "The King of All Pimps", appeared on The View today, ostensibly to take us "inside the world of sex, power and money," but instead, he was attacked by the ladies on the panel. Sherri looked like she was gonna choke him with her fake pony tail; Whoopi told him he creeped her out; Joy got in his face over the definition of the word "pimp"; and Barbara tried to raise her eyebrows when he described Eliot Spitzer bedmate Ashley Dupré as having a nice tush. Strangely, Elisabeth was mostly mum. (She saves her harsher criticism for presidential candidates.) Above is a clip of the ladies clearly hating Itzler for merely existing.

Obama Asks, We Answer: The 5 Stupidest Things Elisabeth Hasselbeck Has Ever Said

Slut Machine — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 15:00:00 EDT

Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama was on The View this morning, and things got both political and personal. First, Barbara Walters told him she found him "very sexy". Then, token right-winger Elisabeth Hasselbeck got on the Senator's ass about the controversial statements made by his pastor, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright Jr. Obama responded in part by asking Hasselbeck to imagine how she'd feel if someone compiled a clip of five of the stupidest things she'd ever said, and we started salivating. Above, our gift to Obama: A clip compilation with some of Hasselbeck's most idiotic bon mots.

Whoopi Believes Elisabeth Hasselbeck Is Afraid Of Black People

Slut Machine — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:00:00 EDT

There was a heated discussion on racism on The View today. Elisabeth Hasselbeck expressed her offense at the fact that Barack Obama called his grandmother a "typical white woman" who would be fearful if she saw an African-American on the street. Elisabeth explained that she is a "typical white woman" herself and would never be afraid of a group of black kids on the street. Whoopi, however, didn't buy that shit for a second, and said as much. Clip above.

Earlier: Is Elisabeth Hasselbeck Afraid Of Whoopi Goldberg?

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Is Not Fuzzy About Her Math

Moe — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 15:00:00 EDT

Elisabeth Hasselbeck is stupid. We know this because, among other reasons, back in July the New York Post ran the most damning testament to the blonde View host's stupidity that anyone is ever going to bother writing about Elisabeth Hasselbeck. But she is determined to prove otherwise! Yesterday she was back in the Post's Page Six Magazine, full of nerdy asides straight out of an SAT prep class. The result is a profile that is sort of like that time during the 2000 election, post the whole "fuzzy math" exchange, when Bush memorized the Serbian president's name and Will Ferrell parodied it on one of those SNL skits that was so very humorous pre- the whole three trillion dollar unjust war debacle thingy. Watch Hasselbeck recite the periodic table, trigonometric formulas — and show off a bonus pic of her art! — after the jump.

I loved the science fair. If I didn't take home first place, I was mad. I love the element charts, and I can probably recite the formula for cotangent. I still remember the song we sang [to memorize it]: 'Sine, cosine, cosine, sine.' Sometimes I'll go, 'Hey sugar! C₆H₁₂O₆' And Tim will look at me like, 'Did I marry you? Why are you giving me the chemical formations of these things? Please stop, because I'm reconsidering this whole commitment!

To this day I use what happened to me there as the pH test for difficult things that happen to me now. You know, I'm standing in the grocery line or I'm waiting for an answer for something that means a lot, and I g, 'You stood on a log that was 12 inches in diameter for eight hours with the sun beating on your back with nothing in your body to sustain you.'

pH tests! Diameter! Come on Liz, why don't you give us the circumference of that 12-inch log? Bonus points if you convert it to the metric system! Now give us the surface area! Presuming the log is 1.37 meters long, what's the volume of the log?

Okay, so we know Elisabeth excels at math and science. But she is also competent with analogies!

It's a different chemistry with each group. But I tell Whoopi, 'If you're driving the car, I'll go anywhere,' because I feel she really knows how to — I guess, shift, to stick with the analogy. She knows when to ease off the clutch and get on the gas, she knows how to drive that car, and I feel as though there isn't as much cross-talk.

What's more, she is a talented artist:
Really, there are no words, except maybe "Hasselbecktacular!"

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Distances Herself From Bush, Defends Hillary

Slut Machine — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 14:30:00 EST

Today on The View, the panel's token right-winger, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, was acting all liberal and shit. She was all smiles that her man John McCain has pretty much secured the Republican nomination for the presidential election, and in doing so, has begun to distance herself from George W. Bush. Previously a staunch Bush supporter, Elisabeth said that maybe the president shouldn't campaign with McCain and then admitted that he's made some mistakes. Later she went to bat for Hillary (albeit, against Maureen Dowd), saying that she's sick of people attacking her. In other news, temperatures begin to drop in hell!

William Shatner Keeps O Magazine In The Shitter

Slut Machine — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 19:00:00 EST

Last week, Joy Behar said that they don't want men as panelists on The View, because people don't care what men have to say when they tune in to watch that show. And that's so true. But what's great about women's daytime talk shows is that when men actually do go on, they behave so much differently than they do on other shows, and we learn something new about them that we wouldn't have otherwise known. For instance, William Shatner is a huge Oprah fan, and looks to Dr. Oz's advice on poop shape. And we learned that presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee—who bonded with Tyra over food issues—doesn't like carrots. Hmm, interesting. Maybe 'cause it's phallus shaped and he doesn't want to put it in his mouth because God did not intend for that type of union? Anyway, all that and weaves in the clip above and more after the jump.

OK, just two more things really. LOL on the nips:

And LOL on the acne:

Elisabeth Hasselbeck: "Gloria Steinem Is Pure Evil"

Slut Machine — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 13:00:00 EST

This morning on The View, Elisabeth Hasselbeck got very shrill over some comments that Gloria Steinem made during a speech this weekend and called her "evil, pure evil." Wanna know what Gloria said that was so offensive? In speaking about how she didn't believe that having a military background made one candidate more qualified than the other to be president she said, "I'm so grateful [Hillary] wasn't trained to kill anybody." Soooo evil! Elisabeth said that Gloria was making a "despicable mischaracterization" of the troops in Iraq as being trained to kill (um, except that they are) and that they should be respected since they are over there "protecting [Gloria's] freedom to run her mouth." Oh, the irony! So Gloria should shut up because someone is fighting for her freedom of speech? What?! Clip above.

Is Elisabeth Hasselbeck Afraid Of Whoopi Goldberg?

Slut Machine — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 15:20:00 EST

Today on The View, there was some tension between conservative Elisabeth Hasselbeck and moderator Whoopi Goldberg. The two women were discussing the upcoming election, which issues were important, Iraq exit strategies, yadda yadda yadda... and Elisabeth — who notoriously steps all over people's sentences, cutting them off to either be sarcastic or promote her own agenda — interrupted Whoopi while she was making a point. Whoopi was visibly pissed, and made a remark. Elisabeth looked like a child who'd been scolded, made a cutesy face, and shut up. Remember how she wasn't like that with Rosie O'Donnell? They would constantly argue and no matter what Rosie said, Elisabeth would not back down. Could it be that she's a little afraid of Whoopi because she's simply older and wiser? Or because she's black? I've noticed her tip-toeing for a while. Just sayin'.

Today on The View, Elisabeth Hasselbeck informed ...

Slut Machine — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 11:45:00 EST

Today on The View, Elisabeth Hasselbeck informed audience members that she and Chelsea Clinton engaged in a little game of phone tag this morning. (Elisabeth, as you may remember, was the only View co-host not contacted by the younger female Clinton the other day). Apparently Chelsea rang Elisabeth at 7am — which we think is way too early to call someone you don't know, although not too early to call someone you don't like — but Elisabeth was dealing with her newborn baby, so she missed the call. And when Elisabeth called her back, Chelsea didn't answer. Hahaha, screening much?

Chelsea Campaigns For Mom Via Phone Calls To The View

Slut Machine — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 12:30:00 EST

Today on The View, the gals talked about yesterday's Super Tuesday insanity and the fact that three of them were recipients of personal phone calls from Chelsea Clinton herself, who'd heard that they were on the fence about who to vote for. But why did Chelsea call Sherri Shepherd? Is she a registered Democrat? (She's been going on and on about the Republican candidates forever.) Not surprisingly, the only View co-host who Chelsea didn't ring was Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who seemed a little salty about being left out of the fun. Clip above.

"People are, like, she must be witchy. I ...

Slut Machine — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 11:45:00 EST

"People are, like, she must be witchy. I think it's the liberal bias in the media that I'm the one who's argumentative." —Elisabeth Hasselbeck's version of why we think she sucks. [Newsweek]

Elisabeth Hasselbeck's Daughter Pretends Not To Know Her

Jennifer — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 15:50:00 EST

[New York, January 12. Image via INF]

Pretty Bitch Jessica Alba Has It All

dodai — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 09:00:00 EST

Jessica Alba says, "It's the best time ever. I have two movies coming out, a baby, a fiancé - everything." She also claims her ass is "getting bigger by the second." Is anyone else vaguely annoyed? Maybe it's her name. [People]
Britney Spears and paparazzo Adnan Ghalib checked into the Rosarito Beach Hotel just south of the border in Mexico on Wednesday. They shopped; Brit bought a knockoff Gucci purse and Adnan purchased a rosary. His photo agency says they are "happily dating." [People]
Oh! Britney and Adnan are back in L.A. That was quick! Please God don't let them have gotten married in Mexico? Kthxbai. [TMZ]
Meanwhile, cops found a bite mark and bruises on Britney's son, Jayden James. Federline's bodyguard says the injuries were there before JJ ever got to Britney's house and the bite was from his older brother, Sean Preston, of course. Anyway, a learning-to-walk 1-year-old without bruises would be weird. [Us Magazine]

barak [sic] obama is an empty suit selling 'hope' in lieu of Truth... Oprah, you are a closeted republican and chose Barak [sic] Obama because you do not like other women who actually stand for something to working American Women besides glamour, angels, hollywood and dieting!" — Roseanne [Perez Hilton]
"Oprah has given us Swartzenegger [sic] and Dr. Phil. If that was not offensive enough to decent thinking people, now she brings us Obama." — Roseanne, again. [MSNBC]
Janice Dickinson says her former fiancé, Sylvester Stallone, took steroids — and injected her with them as well. "He juiced me," she told Fox News. "I'd wake up and my arm was as big as Popeye." Ew. And yuck. [Page Six]
Producer Scott Storch, once linked to both Lil' Kim and Paris Hilton, seems to be having money problems, and may owe almost half a million dollars in unpaid taxes. Maybe his friends can help? [Page Six]
Kate Hudson is "happy being single" and not "interested in guys," says a source. Yes, but how long will it last? [Page Six]
Did Oprah's eyes well up with tears while watching the scene in The Color Purple in which two characters find happiness after becoming lesbian lovers? [Page Six]
Lady sings the blues: American Idol runner up Katharine McPhee has been dropped from her record label. [Rush & Molloy]
Katie Holmes says Suri Cruise is "a very strong woman. She's actually teaching me a lot - probably more than I'm teaching her." Like how to say no to daddy? [People]
Rosie O'Donnell has made up with her frenemy Elisabeth Hasselbeck. They've been emailing and Rosie sent EH a baby gift. [People]
A man who was trying to extort a million dollars from Tom Cruise for copies of the actor's stolen wedding pictures has been sentenced to two years probation. [Reuters]
Wesley Snipes made $37.9 million from 1999 to 2004 but failed to file his income taxes, uh-oh. The IRS does not mess around and Snipes will be on trial for tax fraud. [Reuters]
The photographer Nicole Kidman testified against in December is still following her around; he's been snapping pix of the pregnant star in Sydney this week and says, "So what." Jeez. [Sydney Morning Herald]
The man who was found naked in Nicolas Cage's L.A. home in October has been ordered to six months of drug rehab. [Reuters]
And Nic just sold that house, for a record $35 million. Bad memories? [WSJ]
Kanye West wants the 150 inch plasma screen TV seen at the Consumer Electronics Show. Who doesn't? [MSNBC]

Today We Learned More Than We Wanted To About Elisabeth Hasselbeck's Vagina

Jennifer — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 14:20:00 EST

Today was a most TMI-traumatizing day on The View. When Whoopi brought up a study she had come across and reported on by Fox News's "sex expert" on how people can use The Secret to better their sex lives, the ladies all weighed in on what they "visualize" during sex. Not only is Elisabeth still hurting from giving birth, Whoopi may like hot fudge sundaes better than sex. Clip above.

The Spawn Of Hasselbeck Visits The View

Slut Machine — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 14:30:00 EST

Elisabeth Hasselbeck came back from her maternity leave to rejoin the other ladies of The View today, and she brought her new baby Taylor Thomas Hasselbeck, whom we can't help but want to rename Jonathan Taylor Thomas Hasselbeck. Anyway, the baby is cute and all, but he'll probably grow up to be pro-life or something. (Although Jennifer is hoping he actually grows up to be gay. That would be kind of perfect, right? There's some "intelligent design"for you. You know, certainly not as a punishment, but as a way of God, baby Jesus and the Spook to teach some understanding to someone who seems completely incapable of stepping outside her socio-economic circumstances for one moment to try and understand that other people live their lives differently.) Anyway, in addition to showing off her son, Elisabeth also talked about how the lack of WMDs in Iraq is not an important issue anymore. We're so glad to have her back!

Britney Needs Legal Aid

dodai — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 09:00:00 EST

The law firm of Trope & Trope is trying to drop Britney Spears as a client, citing a breakdown in communication. The attorneys had been representing Brit in her child-custody battle against ex-husband Kevin Federline; her previous team of lawyers quit in the fall. Brit needs representation! Any takers? [Page Six]
By the by, Brit didn't show up for a deposition yesterday — for the fifth time. [TMZ]
Lindsay Lohan's been asking friends for money? We've heard this one before, which makes us inclined to believe it's true. Plus: The quit-smoking lozenge people whose product she carries around deny they're paying her, but they are. Huh. [Gatecrasher]
Meanwhile, Dina Lohan is so pissed that LL's ex Riley Giles sold his story to a UK tabloid that she called his mother and accused her of poor parenting. Hello, pot? This is the kettle. You're black. [Gatecrasher]

Madonna is on vacation in India this week: She is touring Rajasthan and celebrated the new year in a village near Jodhpur with hubby Guy Ritchie, her kids and a couple of friends. Expect sitar on her next track. [Times Of India]
"I was always a little bit afraid of men." — Diane Keaton, whom the jerks at the NY Post dare to call a "spinster." [Page Six]
Did Joshua "Pacey" Jackson pull a diva move on New Year's Eve, trying to boot a table full of people so that he and Diane Kruger could be alone? [Page Six]
Blind item! "Which still-young-but-past-his-prime TV star has been trying to ditch his actress fiancee? He already made her terminate a pregnancy when she was just 17." [Gatecrasher]
Time flies! Elisabeth Hasselbeck is returning to the view on Monday, sigh. [People]
MTV has ordered another season of A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila. Let the bisexual games begin! [People]
Beyoncé beat Kanye West at Connect Four nine times in a row. Pretty sneaky, sis! [Just Jared]
Volleyball star Gabrielle Reece and surfer Laird Hamilton gave birth to a son on New Year's Day; the kid is not named Beach, as one might assume. It's Brody Jo Hamilton. [People]
When Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes go out, he has his security people hand $100 bills to anyone who helps him and wife — even if it's just a dude opening a door. Classy! [MSNBC]
Russell Crowe is heading the anti-gambling movement in Australia; protesting against video poker machines. Are you not entertained?! [Reuters]
Two of The Spice Girls are admitting they had bulimia at the height of their success. And Posh isn't one of them! [Mirror]

Elisabeth Hasselbeck phoned into The View ...

Jennifer — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 12:45:00 EST

Elisabeth Hasselbeck phoned into The View during their first segment this morning to share the name of her little male spawn's name: Taylor Thomas Hasselbeck. In homage to Jonathan Taylor Thomas? Of Home Improvement/Tiger Beat fame? [The View]

Meet Elisabeth Hasselbeck's Mother-In-Law, Betsy: Shocker! She Believes In Jesus!

Jennifer — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 15:00:00 EST

We had heard that Elisabeth Hasselbeck wasn't an insane Republican Jesus freak before she married into the Hasselbeck clan. We were skeptical, because she seems too scary to have just picked up these habits within the past decade, but after reading the profile today's Boston Globeon EH's mother-in-law, Betsy Hasselbeck (wait, does this mean that Tim Hasselbeck's wife and mother are both named Elisabeth?) we are sure of it: The Hasselbecks are definitely running some sort of a cult. Maybe Elisabeth was actually a nice normal girl before she got involved with them! Because Betsy is scary. When her husband Don played tight end for the New England Patriots, she apparently implemented a nightly practice regime for him where he had to catch 500 passes in a row in their backyard. Miss one in the last 100? Start all over again. Just like Jesus would have done?

If there's anything more important to the family Hasselbeck than football, it is Jesus. Betsy, with a retired husband and the children off playing pro-ball, has devoted herself to running "workshops for current Pats players and their wives. The workshops focus on faith, marriage, and family" since Hasselbeck fears that without her instruction, these men and their wives might turn towards the Devil's ways: "We live in an upgrade world where temptation and fame can threaten any marriage. What we're trying to do is teach [couples] how to strengthen their marriages and commitment to God."

Betsey's faith has also propelled her towards her other project: Doing whatever she can to stop perverts from coaching youth sports. "I was lucky, because Don was our boys' coach for nine years. But I thought, OK, if I've been placed here for a reason, it's to help people. This is one way I can give something back," says Betsy, despite the fact that "breakout figures are not available for young athletes, [and only] anecdotal evidence suggests [that children] are especially vulnerable to predator coaches." Good to know that if you are placed on this earth to do some good, it's for a cause that you've pulled out of your ass!

But before you start make assumptions at Betsy Hasselbeck, be sure to know this: "We've never cared about labels," she says, in regards to identifying the specifics of their Christianity. Good to know! It's always refreshing to meet a prostelytizer who can understand that expressions of faith need no names! Elisabeth Hasselbeck sure lucked out marrying into this family — the woman couldn't have asked for a better teacher on preaching her overly-simplified ways of thinking.

Extra Points [Boston Globe]

Just as we have long suspected: Elisabeth ...

Jennifer — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 15:45:00 EST

Just as we have long suspected: Elisabeth Hasselbeck is evil! Or filthy, at least? Today on The View the ladies discussed how there is an unfortunate mouse infestation problem over at ABC Studios. (And no, not the Mickey Mouse kind. A la Disney. A la ABC's parent company.) Apparently, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who is away on maternity leave, is to blame! Hasselbeck left a fuckload of candy in her dressing room before relocating to Arizona. Joy Behar is not happy. (And neither is Joy's assistant, who told her she doesn't "do rodents.") Joy told the ladies that Elisabeth e-mailed her over the weekend and apologized for leaving the candy out. [The View]

Is Tyra Banks A Lesbian?

Slut Machine — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 19:30:00 EDT

Gay! Gay! Gay! The lady talk shows were much more flamboyant this week, and I don't mean because Tyra wore a feathered headdress (which she did, in fact, do) or because Susan Lucci went on The View in a nightie and a trench coat. No, this time the gayness wasn't just implied, it was specified. Oprah interviewed gay transgendered people (as in, a man turned into a woman and became lesbian), The View ladies debated about whether or not homosexuality is a choice, and Tyra, well, you know how she do — but she also had an entire episode about genetic indicators of sexual preference. Oh, and Bill Cosby showed up on Oprah to discuss the plight of low-income African Americans, but it was kinda hard to take him seriously, because he was wearing sunglasses the whole time, due to a bout of pink eye. The clip is above, and after the jump, so much more.

You know what makes me gay (as in "happy")? Elisabeth Hasselbeck is taking an early maternity leave starting on Tuesday the 23rd! And she's not coming back until after hiatus. You know, it's not that I mind that she's a Republican, it's just that she's unwaveringly so. When she talks about banning abortion or public policy or welfare, it's clear that she's unable to step outside of herself and imagine what life could be like for people who weren't raised in the same circumstances as she. Who knows? Maybe I'll miss cursing at my TV. But right now, I'm looking forward to the guest co-hosts that will be filling her spot. May I make the first suggestion?

So in case we forget how sucky she is after she leaves, here it is:

Top 5 Favorite Detestable Quotes From Elisabeth Hasselbeck

1. "I think the only thing that helps me is that I really enjoy people. I love them."

2. "People get abortions for superficial reasons."

3. "Mitt Romney looks like he could be on a penny."

4. "Being a conservative mother isn't the challenge. Being a conservative in New York City on television is the challenge."

5. "You know when we were in Australia for Survivor, we had, I was supposed to fill out my absentee ballot. For the election. That was the controversial Gore/Bush, the whole Florida fiasco. Um, and I . . . I didn't. I was, like, too busy. And I think it was Nick Brown who was out there with me, said, you know, 'You didn't fill out your absentee ballot? Like, how do you not fill out your absentee ballot?' And then I realized what I had missed out on. So I really started a, an investigation, like why I was such an idiot as to not fill that out and partake in something that, you know, the women in Iraq just got a chance to do for the first time. You know, why? Why wouldn't I take advantage of a right that's granted to me? That wasn't always there? And I kind of recommitted to, um, reading as much as I could and learning as much as I could about, um, politics."