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elisabeth hasselbeck

The

This Week We Waged War On Terrible TV Hostesses

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view askew

Discussion Of Racist Epithet Brings Elisabeth Hasselbeck To Tears

Things got really heated on The View today during a discussion of the N-word. The gals were talking about that tape on which Jesse Jackson can be heard uttering the racist insult, even though he was one of the main proponents of banning it. Anyway, Elisabeth Hasselbeck was trying to tell Sherri and Whoopi that they shouldn't be using the word at all, no matter the context, because of children. Then she started crying. Then Barbara Walters made a funny face. How can people not love this show!?

bad vibes

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Has Never Used A Vibrator

So this explains a lot: Elisabeth Hasselbeck has never used a vibrator, and she won't be starting anytime soon. This morning on The View, the ladies were discussing something that they've talked about a million times before: whether or not your man jerking off to porn — or jerking off at all — is a deal breaker. (It's insane to think that people would hold masturbation against someone.) Elisabeth said she's not OK with it, because it makes her feel as though, if a man has to go to fantasize about anything but her, then that means she's not good enough. Jeez, for someone who's not into masturbation, she's sure as shit into herself. Anyway, Whoopi asked if she ever used a vibrator, and Elisabeth said no, because she enjoys sharing intimacy with another person. Clip above.

heidi's hills

Heidi Montag Talks About Fake Tits, Fake Reality Show On The View

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt were guests on The View this morning. Spencer mainly kept quiet, but Heidi talked about everything from her plastic surgery to her income to her "breakup" with Lauren Conrad (ugh, so bored with that one). Barbara Walters told Heidi that she's in the wrong business, whatever that means (we think that Heidi is in the perfect business, since she makes piles of dough doing seemingly nothing, like getting paid $100K to "show up" at events). Later, she put on a show of pieces from her Heidiwood fashion line, which she says is selling like hot cakes. If it's such a big part of her life, isn't it weird that her "reality" show never mentions it? Clip above.

The Lezzy bunch

The View Co-Hosts Engage In Girl-On-Girl Action At The Request Of A Gay Man

Today, Mario Cantone was on The View — on which he regularly appears as "the gay friend" — to plug his latest movie, Sex and the City, in which he appears as "the gay friend" to an entirely different group of women. The View ladies asked Cantone if he thinks they'll finally win the Daytime Emmy they've often been nominated for, but have never taken home. He said that they only way they'll win is if they go gay. In response, Whoopi and Joy embraced, and Sherri and Elisabeth followed suit. Leave it to the devout Christians to take it over the top; they ended up breaking the couch! Clip above.

clips

The Ladies Of The View Gag On Penis Jokes

"I spent the day searching for knobs," Joy Behar explains. "I don't want to go online because I like to feel my knob." "You have to touch the knob, you have to grab the knob," Elisabeth Hasselbeck concurs. Whoopi, always a shit-stirrer, claims, "You must bite the knob." Those gals on the View were giddy about gonads today, right? Or were we just reading into things? Clip above.

Related: Knob [Urban Dictionary]

dirt bag

Lindsay Gets Ugly; Courtney Love Hospitalized; Jamie Lynn's Shower

  • Lindsay Lohan will appear on SIX EPISODES of Ugly Betty, including the season finale. LL will play an old classmate of Betty's who is down on her luck. Naomi Campbell, Christian Siriano, Victoria Beckham and now Lindsay? It's official: Ugly Betty is the new Love Boat. [TMZ]
  • Oooh, Lindsay's mugshot is being used in a drunk driving ad. [Reuters]
  • Courtney Love was in the hospital over the weekend; homegirl has strep throat! Stay away. (Not that you needed a warning.) [Mirror]
  • Thirty guests attended Jamie Lynn Spears's baby shower in Kentwood, LA on Saturday and big sis Britney was one of them. The ladies sat in a circle and opened gifts and nothing scandalous happened, yawn. [People]
  • Britney hadn't been in her hometown since early 2007. Bet she misses some Southern cooking. [People]
  • Miley Cyrus appeared at the Disney Channel Games concert Saturday night and thanked fans, saying: "Thank you guys for all your support. Without you, none of this would be possible. I love every one of you and I could not be more appreciative. God bless you." Then she took her top off. Kidding! [People]
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clips

Dear Elisabeth Hasselbeck: Get Over Yourself Already

It's pretty clear that Elisabeth Hasselback hates Barack Obama. And on The View today, she all but called the front-runner for the Democratic nomination a conceited asshole while getting into a very heated conversation with Whoopi Goldberg, Sherri Shepard and Joy Behar regarding Rev. Jeremiah Wright. It isn't just that she disagrees with what Rev. Wright has to say; she takes offense that Obama only made a move to "distance" himself from his pastor once Wright said that Obama was "acting like a politician." And when the other women of The View pointed out that what someone's pastor once said should not be a campaign issue, especially in the midst of a health care and economic crisis and a war, Elisabeth screamed, yelled, pouted and attacked Obama again. Clip above.

Earlier: Obama Asks, We Answer: The 5 Stupidest Things Elisabeth Hasselbeck Has Ever Said

dirt bag

Britney Returns To TV, Lindsay's Been Drinking, Sandra Bullock In Car Crash

  • Britney is doing another episode of How I Met Your Mother. Mere weeks after Neil Patrick Harris said he didn't want the pop star back! "Our show does not need stunt casting in order to succeed," he said in early April. Today's report claims "the show is ecstatic and so is Britney." [People]
  • Prince William landed a military helicopter in his girlfriend's yard. Not exactly Standard Operating Procedure. [AP]
  • Lindsay Lohan supported Samantha Ronson as Sam DJ'd at the Hawaiian Tropic Zone in Times Square. She danced and "really got into the music." Oh, and she was drinking. [People]
  • Sandra Bullock and husband Jesse James were hit by a drunk driver Friday night in Gloucester, MA. No one was injured; the couple walked away from the accident. The woman driving the Subaru that jumped lanes and hit Bullock and James blew a .20 on the Breathalyzer - two and a half times the legal limit. [People]
  • Kirsten Dunst and Ryan Gosling were making out at a New York City club. It's on. [Perez Hilton]
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dirt bag

Newlyweds Beyoncé And Jay-Z Not Attached At Hip

  • LOL headline of the day: "Jay-Z Leaves New Wife Beyoncé At Home To Watch Basketball." OMG you guys, he went somewhere without her! [Mirror]
  • Is Beyoncé wearing gloves so we can't see her damn wedding ring? [Concrete Loop]
  • Amy Winehouse is the headlining act this Saturday at a festival on the Isle Of Wight. Will she shout out Blake Incarcerated? [Mirror]
  • Rosie O'Donnell talked about her time on The View on The Martha Stewart Show yesterday: "There was people there telling me what to do. There was a little Republican who scared me." [People]
  • A fence along the Mexican border "bears all the credibility and seriousness of flying saucers from Mars or leprechauns. Or any manner of malicious, paranoid superstition. In other words, it's bullshit. It's a complete disaster. It's an act of fascist madness." — Tommy Lee Jones. [Page Six]
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clips

Ladies Of The View Pounce On Former Pimp

Jason Itzler, "The King of All Pimps", appeared on The View today, ostensibly to take us "inside the world of sex, power and money," but instead, he was attacked by the ladies on the panel. Sherri looked like she was gonna choke him with her fake pony tail; Whoopi told him he creeped her out; Joy got in his face over the definition of the word "pimp"; and Barbara tried to raise her eyebrows when he described Eliot Spitzer bedmate Ashley Dupré as having a nice tush. Strangely, Elisabeth was mostly mum. (She saves her harsher criticism for presidential candidates.) Above is a clip of the ladies clearly hating Itzler for merely existing.

clips

Obama Asks, We Answer: The 5 Stupidest Things Elisabeth Hasselbeck Has Ever Said

Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama was on The View this morning, and things got both political and personal. First, Barbara Walters told him she found him "very sexy". Then, token right-winger Elisabeth Hasselbeck got on the Senator's ass about the controversial statements made by his pastor, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright Jr. Obama responded in part by asking Hasselbeck to imagine how she'd feel if someone compiled a clip of five of the stupidest things she'd ever said, and we started salivating. Above, our gift to Obama: A clip compilation with some of Hasselbeck's most idiotic bon mots.

clips

Whoopi Believes Elisabeth Hasselbeck Is Afraid Of Black People

There was a heated discussion on racism on The View today. Elisabeth Hasselbeck expressed her offense at the fact that Barack Obama called his grandmother a "typical white woman" who would be fearful if she saw an African-American on the street. Elisabeth explained that she is a "typical white woman" herself and would never be afraid of a group of black kids on the street. Whoopi, however, didn't buy that shit for a second, and said as much. Clip above.

Earlier: Is Elisabeth Hasselbeck Afraid Of Whoopi Goldberg?

blondes

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Is Not Fuzzy About Her Math

Elisabeth Hasselbeck is stupid. We know this because, among other reasons, back in July the New York Post ran the most damning testament to the blonde View host's stupidity that anyone is ever going to bother writing about Elisabeth Hasselbeck. But she is determined to prove otherwise! Yesterday she was back in the Post's Page Six Magazine, full of nerdy asides straight out of an SAT prep class. The result is a profile that is sort of like that time during the 2000 election, post the whole "fuzzy math" exchange, when Bush memorized the Serbian president's name and Will Ferrell parodied it on one of those SNL skits that was so very humorous pre- the whole three trillion dollar unjust war debacle thingy. Watch Hasselbeck recite the periodic table, trigonometric formulas — and show off a bonus pic of her art! — after the jump. More »

clips

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Distances Herself From Bush, Defends Hillary

Today on The View, the panel's token right-winger, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, was acting all liberal and shit. She was all smiles that her man John McCain has pretty much secured the Republican nomination for the presidential election, and in doing so, has begun to distance herself from George W. Bush. Previously a staunch Bush supporter, Elisabeth said that maybe the president shouldn't campaign with McCain and then admitted that he's made some mistakes. Later she went to bat for Hillary (albeit, against Maureen Dowd), saying that she's sick of people attacking her. In other news, temperatures begin to drop in hell!

the lady bunch

William Shatner Keeps O Magazine In The Shitter

Last week, Joy Behar said that they don't want men as panelists on The View, because people don't care what men have to say when they tune in to watch that show. And that's so true. But what's great about women's daytime talk shows is that when men actually do go on, they behave so much differently than they do on other shows, and we learn something new about them that we wouldn't have otherwise known. For instance, William Shatner is a huge Oprah fan, and looks to Dr. Oz's advice on poop shape. And we learned that presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee—who bonded with Tyra over food issues—doesn't like carrots. Hmm, interesting. Maybe 'cause it's phallus shaped and he doesn't want to put it in his mouth because God did not intend for that type of union? Anyway, all that and weaves in the clip above and more after the jump. More »

clips

Elisabeth Hasselbeck: "Gloria Steinem Is Pure Evil"

This morning on The View, Elisabeth Hasselbeck got very shrill over some comments that Gloria Steinem made during a speech this weekend and called her "evil, pure evil." Wanna know what Gloria said that was so offensive? In speaking about how she didn't believe that having a military background made one candidate more qualified than the other to be president she said, "I'm so grateful [Hillary] wasn't trained to kill anybody." Soooo evil! Elisabeth said that Gloria was making a "despicable mischaracterization" of the troops in Iraq as being trained to kill (um, except that they are) and that they should be respected since they are over there "protecting [Gloria's] freedom to run her mouth." Oh, the irony! So Gloria should shut up because someone is fighting for her freedom of speech? What?! Clip above.

clips

Is Elisabeth Hasselbeck Afraid Of Whoopi Goldberg?

Today on The View, there was some tension between conservative Elisabeth Hasselbeck and moderator Whoopi Goldberg. The two women were discussing the upcoming election, which issues were important, Iraq exit strategies, yadda yadda yadda... and Elisabeth — who notoriously steps all over people's sentences, cutting them off to either be sarcastic or promote her own agenda — interrupted Whoopi while she was making a point. Whoopi was visibly pissed, and made a remark. Elisabeth looked like a child who'd been scolded, made a cutesy face, and shut up. Remember how she wasn't like that with Rosie O'Donnell? They would constantly argue and no matter what Rosie said, Elisabeth would not back down. Could it be that she's a little afraid of Whoopi because she's simply older and wiser? Or because she's black? I've noticed her tip-toeing for a while. Just sayin'.