Your Next President Donald Trump Is Being Denied His God-Given Secret Service Security Detail 

The Department of Homeland Security has not yet assigned a Secret Service security detail to your next president and ruler for life, Donald Trump. Big mistake. Yooge. Because Trump will complain about it for several weeks to anyone in earshot before submitting the request in writing he actually needs to submit to get… »10/16/15 12:22pm10/16/15 12:22pm

Fox News Continues to Try to Make 'Black Lives Matter Is a Hate Group' Happen

Just like the sun, the tides and Twitter backlash, Fox News is predictable. Robert Ailes’ gang of fear-mongering madmen is doing exactly what we all figured they would do and are running all the way down the field with their grand “The Black Lives Matter Movement Is a Hate Group” narrative—which was born, bred and… »9/02/15 2:10pm9/02/15 2:10pm

Why Isn't Elisabeth Hasselbeck Classified As a Hate Group? 

Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the third runner-up on season two of Survivor, had a particularly stupid thought Monday which she helpfully shared on national television. Elisabeth wondered why the Black Lives Matter movement hasn’t been classified as a hate group. What’s funny is that we’ve all been wondering the same thing… »8/31/15 3:05pm8/31/15 3:05pm

Dumb Fox News Bashes Hillary's Playlist, Is Bad at Music Criticism

Fox & Friends, deeply unfunny despite its best efforts, recently proved its propensity for selective truth extends to music criticism, as Elisabeth Hasselbeck chose one verse from an American Authors song—”I’m a little bit jealous/ I’m a little bit slow/ I’m a little bit hurtful/ and I don’t wanna let it go”—and used… »6/16/15 3:00pm6/16/15 3:00pm

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Returns to Fox & Friends After Cancer Scare

After mysteriously disappearing from Fox & Friends for a month because she was having an unidentified surgery, Elisabeth Hasselbeck has returned to "the curvy couch," revealing that she had a tumor in her abdomen that turned out not to be cancer. She also shut down rumors she might have been getting plastic surgery. »11/14/14 12:10pm11/14/14 12:10pm

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Is PISSED About Rosie Possibly Rejoining The View

Aaaaaahahaahahahaahahahaaha. World's sourest little grape Elisabeth Hasselbeck called in to Fox & Friends today to express her ABSOLUTE OUTRAGE that horrid anti-American professional troop-maker-cryer Rosie O'Donnell is in talks to rejoin the cast of The View. You may remember O'Donnell and Hasselbeck's relationship… »7/09/14 8:00pm7/09/14 8:00pm

Fox News Host Is Pretty Sure Nicaraguan Co-Host 'Grew Up on Tacos'

Last time we checked in with Brian Kilmeade, he was super stoked to have a new blonde to say offensive and careless things to, one Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Luckily for Elisabeth, he hasn't limited his attentions to her: on Friday's episode of Fox & Friends, Kilmeade really showed his geographical hand when he said to… »10/04/13 10:25am10/04/13 10:25am

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Was Super Giddy on Her First Day at Fox & Friends

Former Survivor contestant and The View panelist Elisabeth Hasselbeck was absolutely pleased as punch to be joining Fox & Friends bright and early on Monday morning, especially given that the show is NOW COMPLETE WITH NEW COUCH. She giggled as she brought Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade new mugs (sorry boys, no… »9/16/13 10:20am9/16/13 10:20am

The Best of the Worst of Elisabeth Hasselbeck's 10 Years on ‘The View’

Today marked the end of Elisabeth Hasselbeck's 10-year-long stint as a cohost of The View. As the lone conservative voice on the panel, she always stuck to her guns—even though they repeatedly misfired—and helped make the show the addictive mess of shrill in-fighting it is. Who could ever replace her yippity yapping?… »7/10/13 6:15pm7/10/13 6:15pm

Exhale: Here's Elisabeth Hasselbeck's Final Appearance on The View

Looking appropriately sheepish, Elisabeth Hasselbeck gave The View the old conservative farewell Wednesday morning, after announcing last night that she would be moving to Fox to join the team at Fox and Friends, replacing Gretchen Carlson, who is getting her own afternoon show. Hasselbeck has been "enjoying The… »7/10/13 1:20pm7/10/13 1:20pm

Robin Thicke Is Pretty Upset About All Your Mean Critical Thinking

In an interview with BBC1, Robin Thicke finally responded to charges of misogyny in the lyrics and video for his song "Blurred Lines." Many critics felt that the song trivializes the importance of consent (consent being the "line" that gets "blurred," because Thicke "know[s] you want it"), and objected to the fact… »7/09/13 8:35pm7/09/13 8:35pm

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Accuses Chris Brown of 'Verbal Rape'

It's been less than two days since Chris Brown broke the misguided hearts of Team Breezy by deactivating his Twitter account following his (admittedly provoked) verbal attack on comedian and Tweet Beat regular Jenny Johnson. To recap, on Sunday night, Johnson, who often uses Twitter to make fun of celebrities, wrote… »11/27/12 4:40pm11/27/12 4:40pm

Fox News Mad that The View Was Totally Mean to Ann Romney

Today's episode of The View was supposed to boast a double shot of Romney, but when Mitt backed out due to "scheduling conflicts," his nice wife Ann appeared on the program by herself. And when the hosts of the show asked her about issues rather than gently tossing her nice, Ann-appropriate softballs, the outrage… »10/18/12 4:00pm10/18/12 4:00pm