• Chris Brown whined to Vibe about how Oprah Winfrey treated him after he assaulted Rihanna saying, "I didn't get a call from them or anything. I felt embarrassed, but at the same time I felt stabbed in the back."

• He continues: "Ok, Oprah you have so much power and people really listen to what you say. You don't know anything that went down and you jump to conclusions and start bringing people on the set that have no similarities to me other than a domestic dispute. And then compare them to me when she's around me and knows me. She could have called me and been like, 'Chris, let me get you on my show and I'm going to do this kind of segment.'" As for BET: "The BET Awards was horrible. I was watching it, holding my face like, ‘Oh my God this is wack'... They were so bent on not getting me there that they messed up their own show." The new issue, which mark's Vibe's relaunch, features Chris on one cover and Drake (who was linked to Rihanna in May) on the other. And to answer Chris's question, yes, we "r still down" about domestic violence. [BET]
• Tiger Woods' wife Elin Nordegren has moved out of their home, according to nosy neighbors. Sources say she's living nearby, but Tiger and his reps are keeping her move secret and trying to convince her to move back into their house. [Radar Online]
• Sources say Tiger Woods continued pursuing Rachel Uchitel after his Thanksgiving weekend car crash, texting her repeatedly and telling her he wanted to find a way to see her. [TMZ]
• A source claims Tiger Woods hasn't appeared in public recently because Elin Nordegren broke his tooth. "Elin confronted him about texting Rachel Uchitel and flew into a rage," said the source. "She apparently threw the phone at his mouth and broke one of his teeth... Elin then grabbed a golf club and chased him around the house, doing tens of thousands of dollars in damage. He ran out to the car barefoot to get away from her and was in such a state of panic that he crashed." [Star]
• Reports that Tiger Woods' mother-in-law Barbro Holmberg was at the scene of the crash are untrue. She just arrived in the U.S. this weekend. [TMZ]
• A source says when Tiger Woods was taken to the hospital after the crash, he had to be admitted directly to the intensive care unit so he could be intubated and have his breathing stabilized. Though his neighbor reported that he was asleep and snoring on his lawn, a source says "that was the sound of an airway that wasn't stable." [MSNBC]
• According to new documents, the Florida Highway Patrol wanted to do a blood test on Tiger Woods because a "witness" (probably Elin), "stated that the driver had consumed alcohol earlier in the day and the same witness removed the driver from the vehicle after the collision." The request was denied and the police determined alcohol wasn't a factor. [TMZ]
• Lindsay Davenport, who is a friend of Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren, says the media's "insinuation that [Elin] would be aggressive or attacking is just preposterous. ... She always handles herself with class." [ET]
• Tiger Woods posted another apology on his website today — to his sponsors, not his wife. He wrote: "As the final round of the Chevron World Challenge begins, I would like to extend my heartfelt thank you to everyone affiliated with the event, especially our amazing title sponsor, Chevron." [TMZ]
• BREAKING: Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren had a meeting yesterday with a man wearing a suit. [TMZ]
• Ashley Dupre, the former escort who slept with former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, weighed in on the Tiger Woods scandal for no apparent reason. She says of the women coming forward about their affairs with Tiger, "I don't agree with that they're doing. I don't agree with coming forward," but adds, "When you sleep with a married man... first of all, you're only helping them stay married." [Extra]
• Mindy Lawton, one of Tiger Woods alleged mistresses, was charged with felony DWI in January for rear ending a car that hit another car and failing a sobriety test. [TMZ]
• According to this guide in People, Tiger Woods may have as many as 12 mistresses, including porn star Holly Sampson, an "Anonymous Florida Cougar," and "Trailer Trash Orlando Neighbor." Okay. [People]
• Yes, it can get worse: One of Tiger Woods' mistresses contacted Playgirl with an offer to sell pictures of his penis that she took on her cell phone. [Perez Hilton]
• Michelle Duggar, who is pregnant with her 19th child, was rushed to the hospital this weekend. "Michelle Duggar was admitted to an Arkansas hospital due to gallbladder issues," says a TLC rep. "The pain from a gallstone was generating some contractions... Though there were some fears that the baby was in trouble initially, it soon was discovered to be solely the gallstone causing the discomfort. Michelle is resting comfortably, and the baby is doing fine." [People]
• Alexa Ray Joel is doing better after being hospitalized for a suicide attempt or "reaction to herbal medication." Her rep says, "She is feeling much better. She is with her family and looking forward to getting back on track... I want to thank everyone for their outpouring of love and support." [People]
• Pete Doherty was arrested outside a bar in Germany for throwing a pint glass at a parked car, smashing the back window. The bartender said: "He was drinking shots and constantly asking where to get cocaine." [Ireland Online]
• Russell Brand says Katy Perry has helped him settle down. "It was a deep craving within me – I mistook it for lust," he said. "I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough – to get the right one. I'm ever so happy." As for marriage, he said, "I don't know, get married, you say? That would be good, isn't it? I want to have children – that would be good." [People]
• Though Nas admitted he'd been smoking weed and failed several sobriety tests when he was pulled over for DUI in September he says, "You know what it is ... profiling man ... but you, they can't stop a good man from shining, man." [TMZ]
• Heidi Androl of The Apprentice was pulled over for DUI around 3 a.m. because someone called the police to report that she was driving only 35 on the California Freeway. She performed "poorly" on several field sobriety tests. [TMZ]
• Chaz Bono and his girlfriend Jennifer Elia bought children's books at Kitson for Kids this weekend, so Jennifer must be pregnant. [Perez Hilton]
• Andrew McCarthy is going to direct an episode of Gossip Girl in the spring. He says the show's stars are different from the Brat Pack because, "They are much more savvy than we were... We were just a bunch of dumb kids running around." [People]
• Eminem's new song "Elevator," Includes this line: "Sorry, Lance, Mr. Lambert, and Aiken ain't gonna make it/ They get so mad, when I call them both fake/ It's all these fucking voices in my head, I can't take it." It seems tame for him, but he pronounces "fake it's" as "faggots." Adam Lambert Tweeted: "Wow, Eminem mentioned me in a song?! I must be doing something right!? Even if he used the 'F word,'" Clay Aiken and Lance Bass haven't responded. [N.Y. Magazine]
• Sadie Frost says she doesn't know or care if Jude Law and Sienna Miller are back together: "I don't really know what the situation is, because it doesn't affect me. They're in the same circles, I'm sure they're friends, it's not my business to ask." [Telegraph]
• South Africans are mad that Jennifer Hudson has been cast as Winnie Madikizela-Mandela in an upcoming film instead of a native actress. In a press conference, the president of the Creative Workers Union of South Africa said, "We want to develop our own Hollywood, and yet we keep bringing in imports." [Times Online]
• A couple from Michigan was arrested for allegedly blackmailing John Stamos for $700,000 and threatening to release photos of Stamos from a 2004 party that would "hurt his reputation." [The Smoking Gun]
• According to an account posted on Weezer's website, their tour bus crashed early yesterday morning in upstate New York when the bus slid on black ice and dropped about 10 feet into a ditch. Rivers Cuomo cracked three ribs, but thankfully his wife and baby, who were also on the bus, were uninjured. [N.Y. Magazine]
• Al Pacino will play Shylock in Shakespeare in the Park's production of The Merchant of Venice this summer. He previously played Shylock in a 2004 film. [NYT]
• American Family Insurance has taken a cue from Domino's and pulled it's ads from the MTV show Jersey Shore. "After seeing this show over the weekend, had we known the content, we would not have placed our ads on this show," said a rep. [TMZ]
• Jennifer Aniston hosted a party for 100 friends and employees at her house on Sunday. "Jen loves Christmas, and her house was festively decorated with a huge tree, twinkling Christmas lights and fragrant flower arrangements," says a guest. [People]
• There was speculation that Morrissey cut short a concert in Las Vegas because he was offended by drunken audience member vomiting and brawling, but he cancelled a concert the next day because he had "blown out his voice." [Daily Express]
• Jenny McCarthy says she's excited that Jim Carrey's daughter Jane Carrey is expecting a baby. "I think he's going to make the world's best [grandfather] because he is so animated," said Jenny. "I also think I am going to rock as the grandma. I love her and I am excited about this baby." [People]
• Eddie Vedder and Jill McCormick, the mother of his two daughters, got engaged this weekend. [E!]
• Jenna Fischer announced that her wedding to Lee Kirk will take place next summer in L.A. "We just got our save the date cards in, and they're adorable – after many hours and many proofs later," Fischer says. "We're going to hold them until after the holidays before sending them out so they don't get lost in the holiday mail. They were fun to pick out and [it] was a very fun girlie experience to touch the paper." [People]
• Padma Lakshmi spoke about suffering from endometriosis at MIT, where researchers are developing new treatments for the illness. "I guard my privacy closely, and it seems contradictory when I'm standing here, talking about my period," she said. "But you always have to remember the greater goal. What's more important — my privacy, or the lives of women? I chose the latter." [Reuters]
• The Bonnie Hunt Show has been cancelled. [Perez Hilton]
• Brian Bonsall, who played Andy on Family Ties, was arrested this weekend for allegedly hitting his friend in the face with part of a bar stool. There was already a bench warrant out for his arrest from a 2007 assault charge. [TMZ]
• Michelle Rodriguez says working on Avatar was "like working on Star Wars — the first one. You know how now you watch Star Wars [Episode I in 1999] and you're like 'I could've rented or bought the video game then I'd be in control of what's happening' — because everything's so digital and it doesn't feel real. But you watch the first one [Episode IV in 1977] and I don't know how you feel, but I wonder, 'Why does this feel so much greater than the digitized world he [George Lucas] created now?' And I realize it's because of the props. And that's the kind of live-action world that [James Cameron] created." [L.A. Times]
• Glee's Mark Salling says, "I hate the mohawk... It was cool for a while, but I've had it for like a year, you know I'm kind of over it. I feel better when I don't have it." [People]
• Reese Witherspoon says she's forgiven British Prime Minister Gordon Brown for mistaking her for Renee Zellweger last week when she spoke to Parliament about domestic violence. Reese said: "She's lovely and she's short and blond and southern. So I understand! She actually called up a (mutual) friend of ours and said she'd heard about it (Brown's mistake) - it happens all the time. I have a dog and I took the dog to the vet, and they said, 'No no, we're waiting for Renee Zellweger's dog' and I said, 'Actually this is my dog.' Everybody gets us confused a lot. But there's worse people to be confused with other than a lovely actress!" [Daily Express]

If anyone's wondering why Ashley's popping up, it's because she has a single out on MySpace, which Watch What Happens host Andy Cohen mentions at the end of the clip. Ashley makes a reasonable point that others have pointed out about the women who are currently claming that Tiger Woods cheated with them: "I was forced into this situation, I had no choice, and these girls for them to just come forward, I don't understand that, I don't know who would want what I have." Of course, Ashley is saying this on TV, so maybe they do want what she accidentally got: fame at any cost.

Related: Ashley Dupre Cannot Stop Talking to Tabloids About Prostitution [Gawker]

Newsweek.com's major crime seems to be allowing loose women to speak. These ladies of the evening include porn star Sasha Grey (pictured above), whose views on the Mark Sanford scandal have forever soiled Lopez's brain — she writes, "what's shocking is that I even know her opinion on the woman, on the situation, on politicians and their wives, and that she thinks we should all openly have something extra on the side." Also scandalously allowed to have an opinion is former madam Heidi Fleiss. Never mind that Newsweek tapped her to talk about escorts, a subject she presumably knows a lot about — according to Lopez, she's still gross.

But not as gross as a gay guy talking about sex. The final exhibit in Lopez's case against Newsweek is "crude sex columnist" Dan Savage, who mentioned blow jobs in a piece on Larry Craig (Lopez renders this as "b*** j**" — presumably so her readers' eyeballs don't explode). Savage is actually making a pretty conservative point — he writes, "It annoys people like me - openly gay men - when the Craig incident is described as a ‘gay sex scandal,' as if his actions in the toilet that day tell you something about gay men. Openly gay people - gay men with integrity - have boyfriends and husbands." But of course, gay sex is dirty, whether it takes place in an airport bathroom or a marital bed.

It's kind of hilarious that, given what's available on the Internet (though this too is a taboo topic for Lopez), she would single out Newsweek as "all about sex - perverse and paid for." What's not so funny is the message she articulates — that people who have sex she deems unacceptable shouldn't get to speak in the national media. It's especially strange that she doesn't really criticize Mark Sanford or Eliot Spitzer — just the porn star and madam who mistakenly thought they were allowed to talk about them. Of course, Sanford and Spitzer came in for their fair share of vitriol, but Lopez's piece reminds us who are the enduring enemies of the right's traditional-values squad: women, gays, and anybody they can dismiss with a claim of "perversity."

Sex Sells [National Review Online]

• Erin Wasson is reviving her jewelry collection as a cheaper costume line. Let's hope in addition to ditching the $1000+ price point, Wasson also abandons her unfortunate habit of claiming jewelry designer Bliss Lau's pieces as her own. [Elle UK]

• Because she lurves Roger Federer, Anna Wintour and her longtime boyfriend, Shelby Bryan, went to see Federer's match at the U.S. Open. They left before Serena even took the court. [P6]
• Vivienne Westwood has chosen Pamela Anderson for her Gold Label campaign for the second season running. Westwood and husband Andreas Kronthaler also re-join Anderson in the whimsical set of images. [Daily Mail]
• Crazy enough to work: Threeasfour and Yoko Ono. Ono reportedly inspired the wacky design trio's spring collection, and also contributed her artwork for prints. [WWD]
• Rachel Zoe's QVC collection, which clocks in at a relatively modest $32.50-130 price range, is full of faux fur and snakeskin pieces. [Nitro:Licious]
• Tim Gunn on Project Runway guest judge Lindsay Lohan: "I was surprised and pleased by how extremely knowledgeable about fashion and articulate Lindsay Lohan was. She's very young and can be portrayed in ways that aren't all together flattering, and she was a true statesperson and really weighed in on the designers and what they were doing exceptionally well. And it was really a thrill to have her." [People]
• Although 19-year-old model Jourdan Dunn was included in the Women agency's Spring/Summer 2010 Show Package, which was thought to mean that the five months pregnant runway star would make the circuit of casting directors this season, Women has confirmed that Dunn will not be at fashion week. Guess we won't get to add Dunn to the list of models (Dunn's compatriots Karen Elson and Stella Tennant among them) who have also walked shows while pregnant. [The Cut]
• Yigal Azrouël, who has earned more press in recent months for his alleged role in the breakup of Billy Joel and Katie Lee's marriage than for his designs, is reportedly in the unique position of seeking less media attention. Although his show will still be attended by around 800 people, expect fewer celebrities, and no after-party. Also, nobody who ever slept with Eliot Spitzer is invited. [NYDN]
• Daphne Guinness, on what tuberose, the principal note in her new perfume, Daphne, reminds her of: "My mother and the flower market in Figueres in Spain and in Cadaqués, where I grew up. We always used to have these huge vats of them, and they would just fill the house with scent all summer long. It reminds me of my childhood. I would collect them and put them all on greaseproof paper with a kind of gel, and then you leave it for a few days. Then you'd scrape off the gel and have a sort of essence. It's quite an ancient plant. Don't quote me on this, but someone told me that pterodactyls used to eat them...it does make sense, because when they die they smell like rotting flesh, and that's why pterodactyls were attracted to them — actually maybe it was archaeopteryx. Tuberose, they're not beautiful in the peony sense of the word, but the smell is unlike anything else. I love it. And I love the scent of sort of all those woods that you get from the Middle East. I grew up in the seventies and everybody was running around burning Joss sticks and, you know, banging tambourines." [Style.com]
• Paper magazine is hosting a black-tie event at the New York Public Library — which is adjacent to Bryant Park — to kick off fashion week. Liza Minnelli and Queen Latifah, plus other "surprise" guests, will perform. [People]
• L'Oréal principal shareholder Liliane Bettencourt's legal fight with her daughter, Françoise Bettencourt-Meyers, has gone to court in France. Bettencourt, 86, has admitted turning over about $1 billion worth of her fortune to François-Marie Banier, a 62-year-old photographer who is her confidant. Bettencourt-Meyers accuses Banier of "exploitation of weakness," a criminal offense, while Bettencourt's side says that Bettencourt-Meyers is simply jealous and ungrateful. [ToL]
• Time's Style & Design issue will suspend publication after the current issue, which goes out today. Ad pages in the magazine had decreased precipitously. [WWD]
• Abakus jewelry designer Marsha Chun-Matsubara: "My parents say that when I was four, I wore a small, heavy bike chain around my neck. Later, when I really wanted my ears pierced I stuck Chiquita Banana stickers on my earlobes. When I was about seven, my mother was teaching me how to use an abacus. I was so frustrated that I threw it and all the beads scattered. From then on, I used the wooden beads to make necklaces. That's where I got the name for my line." [W]
• The sadly deceased DJ AM — a noted sneakerhead who owned more than 700 pairs of Nikes — was working on his own line for the shoe giant when he died last week. Although the final designs, Nike says, had Adam Goldstein's approval, whether and when they will ever be released now depends on the desires of the musician's family. [TMZ]
  
• Nancy Talbot, the woman behind the Talbot's retail chain, has died in Colorado. She was 89. [NYTimes]
• Donatella Versace tells Out magazine — the October cover of which she graces, with model Paul Sculfor — that "You can be too boring, but you can never be too seductive." Which is a point of view we were pretty much familiar with from looking at her clothes. [WWD]
• Vanessa Williams says Ugly Betty's wardrobe department is spending its money wisely — and sticking to sale items. "There was a Naeem Kahn dress that went for $3,000, and they watched it and watched and by the time we got it, it was like $800." [People]
• The premium denim market may have some life in it yet. At the apparel trade show in Las Vegas, pricey brands like True Religion and Citizens of Humanity reported strong wholesale sales, and the NPD Group says the premium denim market grew 5% in the 12 months ended in June. [Reuters]
• But during the month of August, across the whole apparel sector, same-store sales declined an average of 2.5%. Back-to-school sales and promotions did little to stoke the desire of unwilling consumers. [Crains]
• Quiksilver reported a 53% drop in third-quarter earnings on last year. [WSJ]
• Movado scraped through the quarter with a modest profit — $528,000 — after six months of losses. The result still represents a 93.5% fall in earnings on last year. [WWD]
• Meanwhile, Abercrombie & Fitch continues to live up to its reputation as the Worst Recession Company Ever. (Thanks Time!) After announcing its latest disastrous monthly comps — August same-store sales fell 29% — Citi downgraded the stock to a Sell, and share prices fell 6%. [TS]
• Choosing the 50 Sluttiest American Apparel ads is like shooting fish in a barrel. [StyleCrave]

Sometimes, they are accompanied by their wives; other times, the cheese stands alone. Here are the 10 best recent press conferences featuring adulterous politicians, and why they were awesome.


1. South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford
He cried, he apologized to his kids, his wife, the state, his best friend and his in-laws. He then proceeded to give a play-by-play of the entire romance, including when he started sleeping with her.

Bonus points: In an effort to avoid using his mistress's name, Sanford went for much of the press conference without using a gender specific pronoun, causing many people to speculate that he was gay.


2. New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey
"I am a Gay American." What more can you say?

Bonus points: For doping his hysterical wife up so she smiled the entire time.


3. Idaho Senator Larry Craig
After having pled guilty to soliciting a man for foot-tapping bathroom sex, Larry Craig pulled a Shaggy at his press conference.

Bonus points: Even his wife gave him the "WTF?" look during his press conference.


4. Louisiana Senator David Vitter
David Vitter totally didn't pay a prostitute to change his diapers, yo.

Bonus points: He did let his wife take over the press conference that he called to respond to allegations that he'd utilized an escort service.


5. New York Governor Eliot Spitzer
Eliot Spitzer called a press conference to admit that while prosecuting escort services, he wasn't working for his constituents as much as helping eliminate the competition to his escort service of choice. He did have the good sense to resign, though.

Bonus points: No one knows if his balls survived intact long after he and his wife left the podium. From her look, we're guessing not so much.


6. Former North Carolina Senator John Edwards
Appearing alone in a TV interview, Edwards attempted to flirt with interviewer Bob Woodruff, smiled and seemed less than entirely shameful about his conduct, which is the whole point of holding one of these.


7. President Bill Clinton
He totally did have sexual relations with that woman, Monica Lewinsky. And he totally did look like a little kid caught red-handed.


8. New York Governor David Paterson
Paterson confessed to mutual marital infidelity, earning him his look from his wife. He also admitted to conducting it in a Quality Inn.


9. Nevada Senator John Ensign
For all that Ensign's affair involves a campaign staffer married to one of Ensign's own Senate staffers while Ensign was separated and allegations of blackmail, his actual confession was a snore-fest.


10: Speaker-Elect and Louisiana Congressman Bob Livingston
Having spent months inveighing against Bill Clinton's infidelities and how they made him unfit for office, Livingston confessed to all House Republicans that he, too, was a cheat. He was then replaced by notorious philanderer, Newt Gingrich. But it's no fun until someone cries.

• Clinton told her supporters to stop talking smack about Caroline Kennedy unless they're going to endorse someone else. She doesn't want people to believe it's coming from her. [Politico]

• Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid has weighed in with New York Governor David Paterson on Kennedy's behalf. [CNN]
• President Bush is backing his brother Jeb's nascent run for the soon-to-be-empty Florida Senate seat currently held by the retiring Mel Martinez. [The Hill]
• Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich wants the RNC to shut the fuck up already and pull its ads that misleadingly link Barack Obama to corrupt Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. In case you're worried that he's siding with Obama, don't be worried: he's doing at part of the internecine warfare in the GOP. [Huffington Post]
• Hoping to take advantage of that warfare, Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius's withdrawal from Cabinet consideration leads some people to believe she might try to run for the Senate when Republican Senator Sam "Snowflake Baby" Brownback runs for her seat. [Politico]
• The 2008 Minnesota Senate race might even be done by then. [The Hill]
• A grand jury is investigating possible corruption in New Mexico that might ensnare Commerce Secretary nominee (and current governor) Bill Richardson. How grabby were those hands? [Huffington Post]
• Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. says he's been snitching to the feds about Blagojevich since last summer, when Blagojevich held up Jackson's wife's appointment to a state board for political donations. [Huffington Post]
• Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer thinks that being a columnist for Slate "sucks" because he used to be a governor. Hey, asshole, with all these media layoffs, I'll bet they could find someone who would happily write a column for them! (My e-mail is on the masthead, by the way). [Politico]

• Oprah Winfrey is talking her show on the road to D.C. during the Inauguration. Let the speculation begin about which members of the new Administration will be appearing. [Access Hollywood]
• Congress is going to pass a law to reduce the salary of the Secretary of State to block Republican efforts to keep Hillary Clinton from serving on Constitutional grounds. So much for pay equity in an Obama Administration. [Talking Points Memo]
• Al Franken says he's pulled ahead of Norm Coleman in the Minnesota Senate race. [Politico]

• Bill Richardson didn't win any points with Barack Obama when he showed up at the presser announcing his appointment sans beard. [Washington Post, CNN]
• But could the Commerce Department just be a stepping stone on Bill Richardson's path to his beloved State Department? [Washington Independent]
• Barack Obama told all the ambassadors appointed by Bush to be out by January 20th.There's no word whether the ambassadors to India or Pakistan might be staying on. [Washington Post]
• By the way, the Mumbai terrorists were high as shit on coke and LSD the entire time they were killing people. [Boing Boing]
• Possibly also high as shit was Karl Rove, who told a roomful of New Yorkers that George Bush is totally not the worst President in modern history. [Washington Times]
• Eliot Spitzer will begin penning a finance-and-government column for Slate. It won't talk about financing high-end sex with prostitution while being in government. [New York Observer via Attackerman]
• The anti Prop 8 folks get every actor you've ever seen to act in a musical. [Funny Or Die]

• Dupre had no idea her client Spitzer was the governor, on account of his clever alias "George Fox," Dupre's professionalism ("I was there for a purpose, not to wonder who [he] could be") and Dupre being "not really a TV person... I was wrapped up in my family, my music. I knew the name, but [not] the face."
• Spitzer wasn't chatty like some clients: "It was more of a transaction. Strictly business."
• Dupre has been in "intense" psychotherapy since March.
• She ran away from home at 17 and was soon in Florida "drinking a bottle of Grey Goose vodka at a time and partaking in a "'lot' of marijuana, ecstasy and cocaine." During this period, she was raped.

Despite the seemingly coordinated burst of publicity, Dupre does not indicate she has a book or any other such project to promote, telling People (for publication in Friday's issue) she wants merely to "get on with my life." Maybe the new publicity will finally temper public interest in Dupre — or maybe it will spike and shape that interest in a way more appealing to book publishers and other media dealmakers. It's entirely possibly Dupre will have some options in how she "gets on" with life.

(Image from ABC)

• Barack Obama has picked a theme for his inauguration: "A New Birth of Freedom." It comes from the Gettysburg Address, so it's not quite as cheezy as it sounds. [Huffington Post]
• Besides Rahm Emanuel, Robert Gibbs has reportedly accepted an offer to be the White House Press Secretary and David Axelrod has accepted a slot as Senior Adviser. [Politico, ABC]
• In the most intriguing appointment speculation, though, former Senator and Vietnam veteran Max Cleland — who lost to never-done-served Saxby Chambliss in 2002 when Chambliss ran ads calling veteran and amputee Cleland unpatriotic — may be appointed to be the new Army secretary. In other news, Chambliss will likely face a runoff in December to hold the Senate seat he doesn't deserve anyway. [Politico]
• Bush is also going to make sure (supposedly) that the Obama camp has a say in who gets the permanent staff positions overseeing the Treasury's bailout of our economy. [Politico]

• The Associated Press has finally called North Carolina for Obama. North. Fucking. Carolina. [Washington Post]
• And the Oregon Senate race has gone to the Democratic challenger, Jeff Merkley. Joe Lieberman is really sweating now. [Politico]
• And it looks like even the White House press corps — which is normally white enough to justify the name of the building — will be getting more diverse as white bureau chiefs recognize that maybe, just maybe, diversity can have actual benefits in terms of bringing multiple points of view into one's news coverage. [Politico]
• Everyone in Illinois, Delaware and D.C. are jockeying to put forth candidates to fill the soon-to-be-vacant Senate seats there. [NY Times]
• In what will likely become quite a bit of Republican jockeying, Republican Minority Whip Roy Blunt is putting down his whip and walking away from House Republican leadership — and so is Republican Conference Chairman Adam Putnam. Expect retirement announcements some time in 2009, once htey make sure Republican lobbyists can still make money. [Politico, Reuters]
• Spencer Ackerman thinks that part of the Republican jockeying will be neocons seeking to fill the (reportedly very) empty vessel of "Sarah Palin" full to the brim with all their foamy, war-loving anti-intellectual spooge. Only it sounds less porn-y when he says it. [Washington Independent]
• Los Angeles police vow to be prepared today for the protests by the LGBT community and its supporters over the fact that half the state thinks it is a good idea to rescind some of their civil rights. I guess they've decided to exercise one of them while they still have it. [LA Times]
• Eliot Spitzer will not be charged with the crime of whoremongering across state lines since he didn't sue campaign funds to pay the sex workers he employed. Somehow, we think this is probably cold comfort to Silda Spitzer, if she actually wasn't rooting for an indictment. [LA Times]
• And, apparently, the whole "peaceful transition" in Russia was just a ruse for Vladimir Putin to snap his fingers and change the law so he can be back in office next year. Oh, that's gonna work out well. [NY Times]

[New York, September 25. Image via INF]

There's another story about John Edwards in yesterday's Daily News, about how he's been calling former staffers and asking for forgiveness for his tawdry business with Rielle Hunter. When we asked Philip Nobel about his research assistant fucking ways, he asked to be "to be treated as an individual case." And here's the thing with both Edwards and Nobel and many other cheating spouses: they've taken for granted the rights and feelings of another individual, with their public philandering... their wives. Their actions did not take place in a vacuum. And even if I could muster some sympathy for a man trapped in a bad marriage or a marriage that made him unhappy, I can never ever feel bad for someone who has forced another person, willing or not, to deal with it in public. And as the following five stereotypes of cuckolded wives show, the fucked-over wifey will be judged by that public, no matter what she does.

1. The Ball Buster: Of course Bill cheated on Hillary, many said, she was a feminazi who never let the poor man have his way. And anyway, like Elizabeth Edwards, Hillary "allowed" the affair to continue and participated in a cover-up because all she wanted was power in the first place.

2. The Doormat:: Silda Spitzer got a lot of this, especially from other women, who were disgusted that she stood behind Eliot at the press conference after he was caught frequenting prostitutes. They called her "nauseating . . . phony and awful."

3. The Nag: Nobel said that his piece in Elle was about "the burden of being a lightning rod for the fears of women and the resentments of burdened men." The implication there is that all married men, even the ones who are happily married, are burdened by the responsibility placed on them by their nagging harpy wives. Who wouldn't want to ditch all that and run off with a twenty-something! Which brings us to…

4. The Crone: Nobel's preference for firm young flesh is shared by another political philandering John: McCain. McCain left first wife Carol for current wife Cindy, because, as Carol said, "John McCain didn’t want to be 40, he wanted to be 25. You know that happens...it just does." Even Carol herself has bought into this piece of media claptrap!

5. The Martyr: Those who don't see Silda Spitzer as a doormat probably see her as a martyr — someone's who's keeping the family's life as private as possible so that her three teenage daughters can have some semblance of normalcy in their lives. While this stereotype isn't necessarily negative, I'm sure Spitzer — and the rest of these wives — would much rather not walk down the street and have everyone feeling sorry for them. As Erica Jong said in an impassioned defense of Hillary in the Washington Post earlier this year, "She cannot have enjoyed her husband's playing around. She certainly never condoned it. But he was clever enough for her, he supported her dreams, and they both loved their smart and beautiful daughter. Besides, what does anyone know about anyone else's marriage?"

In Which People Are Atrocious To Elizabeth Edwards And Not Nearly Atrocious Enough To Her Idiot Husband [Radar]
Edwards' Wife Criticized For Silence On Affair [AP via WRAL]
Hillary Vs.The Patriarchy [Washington Post]
John Edwards Calling Former Staffers Asking For Forgiveness [NYDN]

Earlier: Elle Writer "Didn't Plan To Be The Poster Boy For Male Recklessness"
Women On Silda Wall: "I'd Have Paraded In Front Of A Microphone With A Knife"
Oh, About That First Wife

• In a 5-4 ruling today, the Supreme Court has (again) decided that the prisoners at Gitmo deserve some semblance of the rights afforded everyone else imprisoned in this country, like the right to protest to a judge the fact that they've been held for 6 years without charges. In his dissent, Justice Antonin Scalia defended the right to not afford the detainees any rights because "America is at war with radical Islamists," but I'm sure he came up with some bullshit legal reasoning to discard the Constitution like he always does. Strict constructionalist my ass. [Washington Post]
• In other legal news, the jury is now considering its verdict in the R. Kelly case. [AP]
• In yet further legal news, Tony Rezko claims that federal prosecutors cajoled him to make up allegations against Barack Obama. He says, "I will never fabricate lies about anyone else for selfish purposes. I will take what comes my way, but I will never hurt innocent people." Except, you know, when he bribes officials and commits frauds. [Politico]
• Oh, look, the first food named after Eliot Spitzer: "a gargantuan patty wrapped around braised shortribs (no foie gras, here) and slathered with barbecue sauce". Now if only the Mayflower could, um, swallow their pride and name a drink after him, my life would be complete. [OuttaMindOuttaSite]

• Speaking of assholes, Lou Dobbs may run for governor of New Jersey. I guess his neon coloring would fit in well in Trenton. [Politico]
• Oh, whatever, I'll keep up the asshole theme. Ron Paul's going to officially end his Presidential bid, but won't endorse John McCain and he's going to use his people's money to support other crazy Libertarian candidates. There are so many Republican Naders this year, it warms my bitter little heart. [NY Times]
• Oh, and Nicky Sarkozy's getting a brand new old plane to join the Mile High Club in. [Jaunted]
• Fine, I'll give you some good news. EMILY's List Ellen Malcolm and Madeline Albright gave speeches today at EMILY's annual luncheon and urged people to suck it up and vote Barack. Most people seemingly listened. [HuffPo]

Weiss writes:

Sitting in Schiller’s, I…suggested that we could change sexual norms to, say, encourage New York waitresses to look on being mistresses as a cool option. “That’s fringe,” my friend said dismissively. Wives weren’t going to allow it, and we men grant them a lot of power; they’re all as dominant as Yoko Ono. “Look, we’re the weaker animal,” he said. “They commandeer the situation.” He and I love our wives and depend on them. In each of our cases, they make our homes, manage our social calendar, bind up our wounds and finish our thoughts, and are stitched into our extended families more intimately than we are. They seem emotionally better equipped than we are. If my marriage broke up, my wife could easily move in with a sister. I’d be as lost as plankton.

Despite his potentially-wandering weiner, Weiss stays with his wife. Why? Because he's weak? Because she plans his vacations and deals with his mother? Perhaps I'm naive, but I'd like to think that most men stay with their wives because they have things in common with them; because they appreciate their human qualities. Not because their wives are their jail house wardens, keeping their free-floating sexuality under heavy lock and key. I don't have some romantic view of marriage: I don't think it will satisfy every urge and create a state of ecstasy populated by unicorns and sunflowers. But Weiss's description of his wife's role in his life is so ultimately mercenary.

I think some people will read this article and think all men feel the way Weiss does. As previously established, women think about fucking other people, too. I'm even willing to grant him the biology — that men are more tormented by their sex drives than women are. But even if that's the case, marriage is about compromise. And if the agreement you've made is to be faithful, then you need to compromise your desire to fuck other people. I'm sure Weiss's wife is currently compromising her desire to punch him directly in the nuts.

The Affairs Of Men [New York Magazine]

Earlier:Chronic Male Horniness Is Not An Excuse For, Well, Anything

• If this whole Jezebel thing doesn't work out, we now know how to become an internet "escort."
  
• Lilly Ledbetter is a stand-up lady. Maybe someday women will get equal pay for equal work, but not today.
  
• But look! Babies and puppies!
  
• We became certified Tina Feynatics.
  
• We talked about moms! You can't live with them, can't shed their DNA.

• Spitzer? I don't even know 'er!
• We were not that into the Sex and the City-branded lingerie. Shudder.
• The Real Housewives of New York City reunion was possibly the best 60 minutes of television we've ever seen. Thank GOD it's been picked up for a second season! We can't wait to hang with Ramoarawn again.
• So throw on that muumuu, and remember: VD is for Everybody.

Plot synopsis from the press release:

Mike Horner, who bears a striking resemblance to the former governor, eagerly places his order with the Pimperor's Club. As "Client 69," he agrees to fork over thousands for an all-expense-paid trip so that his mistress, Kristen, can meet him in Washington, D.C. Kristen, played by Cassandra Cruz, arrives at the governor's hotel to find him eagerly awaiting her arrival. Watch as the governor reveals his overzealous sex drive and gets sucked and fucked by his sexy mistress. "Client 69" is under the impression that he is going to get away with his sexcapade, but little does he know there are FBI agents on a stakeout in the next room. The agents, played by Van Damage and Veronica Jett, are so incredibly turned on by what they are overhearing in the governor's room that they decide to have some fun of their own.

Related: Porn Of The Opportunistic Moment: Hustler's "Gov Love: The Eliot Splitz-Her Story"

• Ashlee Simpson, 23, is engaged to Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz, 28. He got down on one knee; she said yes. Flat-iron-filled wedding to come! [In Touch Weekly]
  
• Is Ashlee pregnant? There's no evidence to that end, but whatever. [Us]
  
• Oh! Is Ashlee's team leaking Mariah Carey songs in hopes of creating less competition for Ashlee's album? Maybe this whole marriage thing is a publicity ploy too. [KBS Radio]
  
• Beyoncé's little sister Solange says "I don't know anything about [a wedding]. You'll have to ask her yourself." Also: B has a lot to learn when it comes to kids, says Solange (who is 21 and the mother of a 3-year-old). [People]
  
• Does The Hills star Audrina Patridge lock her bedroom door because she doesn't trust roomie Lauren Conrad? Lauren seems like one of those girls who would borrow clothes without asking first. [Page Six]

• Is Katie Couric planning on leaving CBS Evening News early? Does anyone watch her? [People]
• Angelina Jolie was discussing Iraq education policy in Washington DC on Tuesday when she "felt kicking suddenly." Is a career in politics in the future for her unborn (twins?)? [People]
• Bret Michaels has been named in a breach-of-contract lawsuit against the producers of Rock Of Love. The owner of the $9 million home where they filmed the series found holes in the walls and ceilings, dead plants, and missing doors. $380,000 worth of damage. No doubt stuff happened in that house that we don't even want to know about. [E!]
• Halle Berry's baby pix: Not coming to a celebrity weekly magazine. Yet. [MSNBC]
• Gwen Stefani doesn't know if her baby is a boy or a girl, and won't find out until delivery day — she and Gavin want it to be a surprise. Hopefully it's a girl she can dress up in wacky outfits. [People]
• Whitney Houston's young boyfriend, Ray J, has written a song about her. The lyrics: "Is that your wife, is that your shorty, well I'm her boyfriend... I think the problem is you don't beat it right... Making love is cool, just pull her hair sometimes." [Page Six]
• Pat O'Brien has just completed his second stint in rehab and will return to his show, The Insider. [Page Six]
• Despite that Iggy doggie fiasco, the Humane Society has praised Ellen DeGeneres for raising awareness of animal issues. [Page Six]
• No one likes racist oil heir Brandon Davis. [Page Six]
• A source claims Eliot Spitzer says his wife knew about his hooker habits and was like, "My fucking wife doesn't care, so why does anybody else care?" Tsk, tsk. [Page Six]
• Jane Krakowski is headed to Broadway to star in Damn Yankees. Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which show keeps its dim-witted if ultra-popular "reality" stars peppy with Adderall supplied by a producer in handfuls between scenes?" [Gatecrasher]
• Actor Thomas Jane pleaded not guilty to DUI charges yesterday. He goes back to court in May, and The Punisher will find out how he's being punished. [TMZ]
• 50 Cent is in talks to star in an upcoming indie film, but he has 21 questions first. [Perez Hilton]
• Gwyneth Paltrow says the rumors about her marriage breaking up are "ridiculous." She also reveals the astrological personalities of her kids: "Apple is an open person. She's Taurus; grounded, calm, funny. Moses is Aries, he's the most sweet, sensitive thing but then he'll kick and karate-chop and spit and tumble. He's a real boy." [People]
• Toni Braxton has canceled upcoming shows after being hospitalized for chest pains earlier in the week. She has previously been treated for hypertension and pericarditis. Be well! [People]
• A judge has dropped Michael Jackson from a lawsuit filed by the family of a women who died at a hospital after she was moved to make room for the pop star. [Yahoo News]
• Snoop Dogg has settled a lawsuit with his former record label, "though they won't disclose how many bones it took." Heh. [Yahoo News]
• Robert De Niro has left CAA, the agency he has been with for years. [Deadline Hollywood]
• Paris Hilton's brother Barron pleaded guilty to two misdemeanors from his DUI charges and will lose his license for a year. He also has to attend alcohol-education programs. [Yahoo News]
• Bob Marley's mother, Cedella Booker, died in her sleep Tuesday night at her home in Miami. She was 81. [USA Today]
• Never before seen Elvis pictures from 1972 have suddenly surfaced. Thank you, thank you very much. [Yahoo News]