• Guess who is going to have to face her abuser and testify? Rihanna:

Prosecutors have subpoenaed the singer to appear in court in Chris Brown's assault case on June 22, and she is now legally required to answer questions about what happened. [People]

• Kanye West and Amber Rose may have broken up, but they are certainly still spending a lot of time together. Reunited and it feels so good? [Page Six]
• OMG: Judge Judy has beat Oprah as the highest rated show in daytime! It must have been the Comic Confrontations that pushed JJ over the edge. [Perez]
• After six months of bliss, Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt have split. [ET]
• This report claims that Paris dumped Doug, who later showed up at her house "distraught." [Perez]
• Paris Hilton's rep says they remain friends and please respect their privacy blah blah blah. We'll always have Cannes! [People]
• Britney Spears is gonna get $11,500 from ex-boyfriend Adnan Ghalib — to cover legal fees incurred by getting a restraining order against the photographer. [Radar Online]
• Meanwhile, Britney and K-Fed have reached a new custody agreement and Brit gets the kids more than 50% of the time while she is on tour. Progress! [TMZ]
• Click here for super-cute banter between Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock. Like this exchange on how fame changes you:
  Reynolds: Fame only amplifies a certain disposition.
  Bullock: I agree. Unless you're a child in the industry and that's all you know. That's a sad, sad thing.
  Reynolds: There's nothing worse than hearing a 6-year-old demand Voss water. I've seen it. [People]
• This was in Midweek Madness, but here it is again: Madonna will meet Jesus' family. And no, they are not named Mary and Joseph. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Speaking of all things holy, Madonna will hold two shows in Israel — September 1 and 2. [UPI]
• Katie Holmes has been attending dance studios in Hollywood lately. Why? She wants to make a special appearance on So You Think You Can Dance? [Perez]
• Hugh Hefner: "really happy" to learn that Kendra is pregnant. [People]
• Carrie Prejean claims that the Miss California USA people wanted her to do Playboy, but she wouldn't. They also wanted her to be on I'm A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here. Sigh. [TMZ]
• Contrary to the reports in all the weekly tabs, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz deny that their marriage is on the rocks. [Mirror]
• "Secrets" about the cast of Twilight include the fact that Kristen Stewart can play guitar, Robert Pattinson and Kristen have chemistry on screen and off, and Rob and Kristen both play guitar and sing. [People]
• Whoa, Joy Behar is getting her own show on HLN (formerly Headline News). It will aire at 9 p.m. and start in September, as a "topical and fun" talk show: "It's not going to be dry, I hope, because I'm crazy," Joy says. [NY Times]
• BMW: The exclusive sponsor of the season three premiere of Mad Men, which will be aired with limited commercial interruption. Exciting! Not that we can afford Beemers! But we can look at a picture of a cute one, and think about Don Draper. [Brandweek]
• Lost rumors: Someone who could be lying says Charlie (Dominic Monaghan) returns for 4 episodes, Clarie (Emily De Ravin [sic]) for full-season, Shannon (Maggie Grace) for 6 episodes. [Yahoo News Via E!]
• Matthew Fox on the Lost ending: "I think it is going to be very satisfying and cathartic and redemptive and beautiful. I've talked to [creator] Damon [Lindelof] pretty extensively and every time I talk to him it's sort of surprising how moving it is just to talk about it." [E!]
• Patricia Clarkson's flight from LAX to JFK got canceled and she promptly burst into tears. [Page Six]
• Oof: Hugh Grant kicked a paparazzo in the groin outside of restaurant in NYC Tuesday. [Gatecrasher via TMZ]
• Jamie Foxx says that the first time he did his stand up act at the Apollo, as soon as the audience heard he was from L.A., they started booing. Foxx considers this his favorite memory of the theater, though, so, good for him. [AP]
• Oh lord. Jeremy Piven's mercury poisoning saga lives on: Producers from Speed-The-Plow will be in arbitration this week. [Gothamist]
• Alex Rodriguez and Kate Hudson met through a real estate agent. Now? A-Rod is smitten: "He is so into her and doesn't even mind when his friends tease him about her." [Gatecrasher]
• Sophie Dahl is 5'11" and her fiancé Jamie Cullum is 5'4" and she says: "We happen to be two people who met, fell madly in love and will probably produce fairly average sized children, hopefully with his more elegant feet, not mine." And! "I find it weird [that people focus on our height difference] but when you're really happy you don't give a shit." [Daily Mail]
• Diane Lane will star in Secretariat, the Disney flick about the relationship between the 1973 Triple Crown-winning racehorse and his owner, Penny Chenery. [Variety]
• Blind item! "Which up-and-coming film star was smoking an alien substance out in the open at a recent NYC party?" [Gatecrasher]
• Q: What do you like most about your character? A: "There's nothing cool about her. It's fun to play someone who's well-intentioned but doesn't know the game. I enjoy competent but misguided characters. She's an open-faced sandwich, and because of that, she doesn't have anything savvy about her." — Amy Poehler, on Parks and Recreation. [Variety]
• "I am not one who has ever taken well to fame and what that attracts. It's a drag. I just wanted to be a songwriter and a singer. I did not bargain for all the rest of it." — Van Morrison says he would have abandoned his music career 40 years ago if one of his early albums had made him a superstar. [Reuters]
• "Wesley Snipes is a wonderful actor. Before the karate movies and stuff, when Wesley first got into the movies, he did drama and comedy. He's got all the talent. He does everything but he turned into the action dude. But James Brown isn't just singing and splits, you've got to chase the car and the crack heads. You've got to do the stunts. I'm too old to do the splits. They should make that movie with Wesley Snipes tomorrow." — Eddie Murphy may have played James Brown on SNL but wouldn't do it in a biopic. [Daily Express]
• "Being a 48-year-old rebel is not cool… I wouldn't describe myself as a shy person. I'm an introvert. I play extroverts on the screen, but I'm an introvert." — Eddie Murphy. [Mirror]
  
• "If I could interview Dolly every week, I would." — Morley Safer, 77, has no plans to retire from 60 Minutes and hearts Dolly Parton. And! He is not into bloggers: "I would trust a citizen journalist as much as I would trust a citizen surgeon." [Page Six]
• "I invented something that we tested out on-camera on Scientific American Frontiers. It was a device I had figured out to eliminate red-eye, if you attached it to any camera. So we made it, and it worked. I was really excited. It's the first time one of my inventions was tested and worked! I gave it to posterity, though." — Alan Alda, who loves science and has been the host of PBS series Scientific American Frontiers for the last decade. [NY Mag]
• "I talk to Lorne [Michaels] a lot, and he knows where my heart is. And he knows he's got a real hold on me. And he knows my weakness. I always tell him, 'I'm an addict. I'm an SNL addict.' And I will use again. Oh, I will." — Maya Rudolph, on returning to SNL for guest spots after leaving the show in 2007. [Yahoo News via AP]
• "The Obama administration came out and said the No. 1 chemical problem in the world is mercury…there will be a lot of documentaries coming out showing what happens when you have too much mercury in your system." — Jeremy Piven. [Page Six]
• "Poor Rob is already a Beatle. His whole life is documented. If he picks his nose, it's all over the Internet. He's just done for. I think he's kinda freakin' out, like, ‘What the fuck is going on?'" — Robert Pattinson's New Moon costar Ashley Greene. [MSNBC]
• "I'm always really worried about ruining their lives, especially with people that aren't famous. it's such a massive change. I'm kind of a paranoid wreck." — Robert Pattinson, on dating. [MSNBC]
• "It's very tempting to have a nanny and live in a gated community and have a chef – I'd love to have a few dinners cooked for me. But I don't want that for my children." — Kate Winslet doesn't need help, okay?!?! [Telegraph]
• "I love seeing my name on a woman's butt. Ladies, if you want to impress me when you meet me, I need to see my name on your right cheek. Girls have had tattoos of my face. One girl went and got her ass tattooed on her right arm… It's important to keep things tasteful." — Tyrese, whom I have interviewed and found to be as charming as this quote. [Page Six]

• Rihanna and Chris Brown are reportedly seeing each other once again: "While Chris is reflective and saddened about what happened, he is really happy to be with the woman he loves," says a source. [People]

• "They're together again. They care for each other," the source says of the couple, who apparently are spending time together at one of P.Diddy's many homes. "He called to wish her happy birthday. They've reached out to each other. It's been mutual." Brown is due in court in March 5 to face charges of making criminal threats. [People]
• Rihanna's father, Ronald Fenty, who previously stated that he hoped his daughter would "move on" from Brown, now says he supports her decision. "I love my daughter with whatever road she takes. I'm behind her win or lose. I will be supportive. If that's the road she wants to choose, I'm behind her. I hope to see her soon. I talked to her after her birthday, and she told me she's OK." [US Weekly]
• A friend of Rihanna's claims ""She's not listening to anyone," and Brown has been seen jet skiing, smiling and (ugh) "flexing his arm muscles." [US Weekly]
• Bow Wow wants the public to be a little kinder to Brown: "I just want people to know that as entertainers, our job is to entertain. We're not perfect. We put our pants on the same way everybody else puts their pants on. I always like to put myself in people's shoes. I understand probably what he's going through by the whole world knowing what happened."[DailyExpress]
• Gwyneth's GOOP is being back by the Arnell Group, an advertising agency that has represented Chrysler and DKNY in the past. "I don't want to be the next Martha Stewart, I just want to share advice," Paltrow says, "Goop has 150,000 subscribers now."[PageSix]
• A waiter hired to work at a recent party thrown by Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes was asked to sign a 20 page confidentiality agreement. Apparently "don't talk about this agreement" wasn't in said 20 pages. [E!]
• Guy Richie reportedly refers to ex-wife Madonna as "It." "Guy will say, 'Oh, It's in a bad mood today,''" says a source, "Even towards the end of their marriage, he would call her It. He told people, 'We can't make It angry.' There is absolutely no love lost between them." [PageSix]
• Are Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson trying to start a family together? A "friend" says yes: ""Kate is over the moon and really wants to start a family with Owen now she feels that he has finally grown up.The fact that he is ready to make that commitment to her has given her faith in the relationship.Kate's family are all really behind the relationship as well after seeing how Owen has turned it around. Everyone is now confident the relationship will work out long-term and they will be together forever."[TheSun]
• Keira Knightley admits that she's not as perfect as she appears on screen: "I do not have good skin," Knightley says, "In fact, I've got really awful skin! I go to a really good dermatologist. And what you see on the screen is about four hours of make-up."[ShowbizSpy]
• Blake Lively has only kissed three boys in her life: "How can that be? I don't know," Lively says, "I didn't get around too much. Like I said, I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 17. I grew up in a Southern Baptist family. It was more my grandparents. My mother is a Christian but it was just like she…It wasn't like they went to church all the time and were really strict but, you know, my mom was very much a good girl and I was raised in a way I didn't….Not that it would be bad to have a boyfriend. I was really shy at school, too. With boys, I mean, I was really outgoing but there were boys that I would find out later had a crush on me but I was too shy to them. Whatever. I was just being shy."[ONTD]
• Paris Hilton, meanwhile, says she only has about five close friends: "Honestly, I only have about five really close friends. My sister Nicky is one of them, although she is different from me. She's shy and prefers to stay behind the scenes. When I was a teenager people abused my trust, it really hurt my feelings. But now it's happened so much I've learned who to trust and who not to. From different experiences you start to learn what kind of people you want in your life."[ShowbizSpy]
• Britney Spears is just days away from kicking off her world tour: "She looks great, she's working out three or four hours a day," says a source. "Everybody's pulling for her after all she's been through." [People]
• Emma Watson has been accepted into Yale. No word yet on if she'll major in Potions, Transfiguration, or Defense Against The Dark Arts. [JustJared]
• Eddie Murphy has signed on to play Richard Pryor in an upcoming biopic about the late comedian.[DailyExpress]
• Lily Allen isn't sure how long this music thing is going to last: "I couldn't tell you if I'm going to make another record, because I don't know if I'm going to enjoy this in six months' time. I'm a 'live the day' person. I have no idea what I'm doing tomorrow. I certainly don't think about a week from now or a month from now. As far as the future goes, there's only a vague plan of getting married and having kid. I am not actively hunting for a husband. Much."[ShowbizSpy]
• Conan O'Brien left a gift behind for Jimmy Fallon: a three-foot-long plastic pickle. "The Letterman people sent this pickle to my office in 1993," Conan wrote, "Now I'm passing it on to you. Whenever you leave, which won't be for a long time, make sure you pass it on to the next sap."[NYTimes]
• "I was just talking the other day about how strange the Britney Spears songwriting approach is.
  Because it's all about, ‘I'm going out tonight, but nobody look at me.' I've never met her and I'm not coming down on her, but all of the songs are sort of like, ‘I'm getting all my girls together, we're gonna go out' and ‘I've got holes cut out for bleep, I got flashlights on me.' And then it's like, ‘Why's everybody looking at me? Everybody's looking at me' because oh, did you hear verse two, Britney?"- John Mayer [TheSun]
• Blake Incarcerated-No-More is apparently fleeing the UK to escape the "destructive influence" of Amy Winehouse: "He's turned a corner since he last saw Amy," says a source, "His mum Georgette plans to sell up and get Blake to another country. They don't want to squander all the hard work."[TheSun]
• Lindsay Lohan is reportedly hoping to hook up with Bryan Adams for her next record. Their first collaboration will be "Everything I Do, I Do It To Get Away From Dina And My Insane Blogging Father." [DailyExpress]

• Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady were wed yesterday in Santa Monica. The bride wore Dolce & Gabbana, and so did her three dogs. [Us Magazine]

• A source claims that often, and especially towards the end of the marriage, Guy Ritchie would call Madonna "It." As in "It's in a bad mood today." And "We can't make It angry." This paper has a helpful illustration of Cousin Itt wearing a pointy bra. [The Sun]
• Blake is no longer incarcerated! Amy Winehouse's husband got out of jail yesterday and says of the divorce: "It's all going ahead - but I don't really know what will happen." And! "It's just nice to be on the outside again. Now I am going to get over my drug habit." Amy, who is still in St. Lucia, may return to London to try and "save her marriage." Really? [The Sun]
• Will Chris Brown go to jail? Will the charges ever be filed? Is his crime a misdemeanor or a felony? So many questions, not enough answers. [People]
• Robert Pattinson and Hugh Jackman went out and did karaoke together in Tokyo. Ten bucks says they sang nothing but show tunes. [E!]
• Daniel Radcliffe took a "mystery brunette" out on a date and the paps were there to make things even more awkward! [Daily Mail]
• Remember how Jeremy Piven abruptly quit Speed-The Plow? A grievance hearing took place yesterday, but no agreement was reached. Will producers take it to court? [AP]
• Piven says he dropped out of the play after being examined by a "Harvard-educated cardiologist affiliated with Yale." So there. [TMZ]
• Piven cried twice during the 20 minute hearing and said he'd been "incredibly sick." [NY Times]
• Producers failed to prove that Piven should not have dropped out of the play. [People]
• Initiation ceremonies require Princes William and Harry to drink through a straw from a toilet filled with beer and strip naked to run the length of the runway at the Royal Air Force base in Lincolnshire. This is how you "earn your drinking wings" or something. [The Sun]
• So you know the little girl who played Latika in Slumdog? Rubina Ali? Her parents had to be pulled apart after brawling with each other at her homecoming yesterday. A neighbor says: "They were hitting each other and tearing each other's clothes off." Apparently her mom walked out when Rubina was four, leaving her father to care for her, and her father called the mom a "money grabber." Countered the mother: "I'm not here for money, I just want to celebrate the success." [The Sun]
• Crap: Azharuddin Mohammed, the ten-year-old boy who played young Salim in Slumdog was beaten by his father yesterday. He was tired from his flight from L.A. and refused his father's request to leave their shack and face the media; his father started hitting him. There's a picture of the kid crying. [Daily Mail]
• Even though Jewel hurt her knees while rehearsing, producers are "desperate" to keep her on Dancing With The Stars. [MSNBC]
• Early word is that Lil' Kim is the one to beat on Dancing With The Stars. Can't wait to see her costumes! [People]
• Russell Simmons has agreed to pay $40,000 a month in child support to Kimora Lee Simmons. She has sole custody of their 2 daughters. And now: Gobs of cash. [AP]
• Loving, loving Beyoncé's hair on the April 2009 cover of Ebony! [The Life Files]
• LOL: please just look at the expression on his face in these high school yearbook pictures of Will Ferrell! [TMZ]
• Jodie Foster was caught speeding, and it was caught on tape, but the footage won't be shown. Apparently she got "annoyed," "angry" and "agitated" with the cops. [Page Six]
• Critics are praising U2's new album even as they critique Bono. Writes Washington Post's J. Freedom du Lac: "It's becoming increasingly difficult to hear U2's music without filtering it through your feelings about the other Bono, that strident, sanctimonious swirl of idealism, agenda and ego." [Reuters]
• If you're interested in the 1996 audition that changed Edward Norton's life, click the link at the end of this sentence. [ET]
• This is interesting: A film version of the musical Damn Yankees will star Jim Carrey and Jake Gyllenhaal. Who will play Lola? You know that whatever Lola wants, Lola gets. [Variety]
• Not sure why this behind the scenes video of Mischa Barton at a photoshoot is so dull, maybe because she has the same blank expression in every scene. [BlackBook]
• No idea what Woody Allen's new flick is about, but the cast is intriguing: Antonio Banderas, Freida Pinto, Naomi Watts, Josh Brolin and Anthony Hopkins. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Pink. Dolly Parton. Rocking chairs. For sale! [USA Today]
• The conflict between Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards has died down. So says Charlie's younger brother Ramon Estevez, whom I did not know existed. [E!]
• George Lucas will produce his first film, post-Star Wars. It's based on the famed Tuskegee Airmen. [Fox 411]
• The Coen brothers have a new film, and it's a short, fake commercial slamming the coal industry. [Guardian]
• MC Hammer's new TV show, Hammertime, will give viewers a glimpse of his life as "as a businessman, computer geek, proud father and husband." No word on whether he is too legit to quit. [AP]
• Jermaine Jackson is working on getting custody of his sons after one told a teacher that his mother had been slapping him repeatedly across the face. [RadarOnline]
• This didn't get a lot of press, but people in wheelchairs protested the Academy giving Jerry Lewis a humanitarian award at the Oscars because they object to the way he talks about "the cripples." Producers actually tried to make sure the foreign press wouldn't write about the incident. [Deadline Hollywood]
• Ann and Nancy Wilson of Heart will get a lifetime achievement award from songwriter's group ASCAP. [Reuters]
• Paul Newman was given a posthumous honour by the US Congress on Tuedsay. [Reuters]
• Be honest: How do we feel about the fact that Eddie Murphy will play Richard Pryor in a biopic? [Guardian]
• Blind item! "Which angry comic had a few cast and crew members fired from his hit show - all because they overshadowed him?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I think that what I'm getting to explore is really the heart of a woman. And I can't say that about everything that I've done. Or maybe I've explored the heart of a woman, but it's been like skating on ice. You know, often you don't get to swim in it. It's an in-depth exploration, and kind of a close-up look at a woman, at all the different ways that she… I think in a way it's about love. You know? It's about love… all the different ways that she loves and whether those loves are acceptable or not." — Holly Hunter, on Saving Grace. [The Daily Beast]
• "I know that Ben Stiller for example, he watches American Idol and he'll email me: 'Hey, who got kicked off?' you know, the night it's on. I'm like, dude — I can't tell you, sorry, you're gonna have to watch. Coming up tonight on prime time!" — Ryan Seacrest, on Idol's celeb fans. [Mirror]
• "It's particularly distressing to me to observe that we're fine with these young women, who it normally is, who are chased, stalked, put under siege by battalions of strange men who sleep in their car and follow them and take pictures up their skirts, and when they throw the dummy out or whatever, everyone thinks they've gone mad. I would defy anyone not to be affected by what is, I think, harassment really. I just think it's slightly below a moral code that I have as a man or as a human being. To chase people, it just seems very bestial." — Rupert Friend, aka Keira Knightley's hottie boyfriend, who is in two films of his own this spring. [Independent]
• "I did not kiss her. She kissed me. We had fun." — Teri Hatcher, on her on-screen smooch with Eva Longoria Parker for Desperate Housewives. [Mirror]
• "At times I was incapable of getting enough oxygen to get my lines out on stage, and sometimes I'd forget where I was in the play. This misconception that I was out partying was wrong. My problem was that as soon as I woke up, I wanted to figure out a way to get back into bed." — Jeremy Piven. [NY Times]
• "Ty said he thinks his best chance of beating me is if I get pregnant during the show so I would be too tired to dance. Talk about a strategy! Of course, that would be fine with me if it did happen, so either way would be a win!" — Jewel, on competing against her husband, Ty Murray on Dancng With The Stars. [People]
• "We pay millions and millions of dollars in tax. The thing that stung us [about the criticism] was the accusation of hypocrisy for my work as an activist. I can understand how people outside the country wouldn't understand how Ireland got to its prosperity but everybody in Ireland knows that there are some very clever people in the Government and in the Revenue who created a financial architecture that prospered the entire nation – it was a way of attracting people to this country who wouldn't normally do business here. And the financial services brought billions of dollars every year directly to the exchequer. What's actually hypocritical is the idea that then you couldn't use a financial services centre in Holland. The real question people need to ask about Ireland's tax policy is: ‘Was the nation a net gain benefactor?' And of course it was – hugely so." — Bono, on the criticism of U2 moving part of its business to the Netherlands to lessen its tax burden. [Irish Times]
• "If you get knocked down, setbacks in life, like applying for a job if they don't hire you, keep trying, keep getting up, keep doing it. Don't give up, that's what it's about. I'm so tough and so bad, I can be humble and lift another guy up." — Mr. T, giving advice to the unemployed. [Mirror]
• "'Brown Eyed Girl' I didn't perform for a long time because for me it was like a throwaway song. I've got about 300 other songs I think are better than that." — from 10 questions with Van Morrison. [Time]
• "Hmm, [how to add] a sexy sizzle to your look? Well high heels are probably the easiest thing, I would say. Instant glamour. Walking around in them naked, you don't need anything else really." — Dita Von Teese. [Daily Express]
• "I hope it won't change anything in how other directors and actors work with me. I mean, the Oscar's going in the loo, next to Sam's. I'm not taking it on a set. I'm just going to work the way I've always worked, which is just to get on with it." — Kate Winslet on her Academy Award. [Daily Mail]

• Instead of appearing at the Grammy Awards, Chris Brown - seen at left with Rihanna at a pre-Grammy party - was arrested for a felony battery.

He surrendered to the LAPD and then posted $50,000 bail. An "unidentified woman" who appeared to have been beaten identified Brown as her attacker. Rihanna did not show up at the Grammys either. [EW, Rolling Stone, People,TMZ]

• Sources say Rihanna's face is "slightly bruised." [ET]
• This report says Rihanna had "multiple bruises" and was in the hospital but has been released. [NY Daily News]
• Cops say that Chris Brown and "the woman" they are not identifying were arguing inside a vehicle after midnight on Saturday; they received a 911 call and when they arrived, they noticed that the woman had "visible injuries." Brown had left the scene by the time police arrived. [TMZ]
• The case is a felony and not a misdemeanor because of the visible injuries. [People]
• The argument took place in a rented Lamborghini after a pre-Grammy gala at the Beverly Hilton. [Fox 411]
• Rapper David Banner says: "One situation doesn't define a man and I really want American to stop doing that to people. As humans, none of us is perfect." Um, yeah, but. You don't hit women. [Rolling Stone]
• Apparently in 2007, Chris Brown told Giant magazine: "[My stepfather] used to hit my mom. He made me terrified all the time, terrified like I had to pee on myself. I remember one night he made her nose bleed. I was crying and thinking, 'I'm just gonna go crazy on him one day…' I hate him to this day." A family history of domestic violence? [Perez]
• Chris Brown's court date is March 5. [USA Today]
• Commenters on the EW boards claim Chris Brown hit Rihanna because he found out she gave him genital herpes, which she got from a backup dancer. Where are they getting their info? [EW]
• Oh, wait. From here. [All Hip-Hop]
• This blogger adds, "Why is all this foolishness taking place during Black History Month?" [All Hip-Hop]
• Meanwhile: Rihanna is looking for a bone marrow donor for a 5-year-old girl. [UPI]
• Uh-oh: Peaches Geldof and husband of six months, Max Drummey, have separated! To her credit, Peaches did say she didn't expect it to last forever. But maybe at least a year? [Daily Mail]
• Amy Winehouse is heading back to the UK after a long vacation in the Caribbean. She plans to present her lawyers with a "secret ex-file," detailing Blake Incarcerated's bad behavior. Ugly divorce countdown starts now! [News Of The World]
• Is there tension in the Beckham marriage as Victoria heads to New York fashion week alone? She reportedly wants to stay in the U.S.: "She feels out of place in Milan and gets frustrated by not being able to understand what they are saying." [Daily Mail]
• Whitney Houston sang at Clive Davis's pre-Grammy bash and sounded "incredible," E!'s Marc Malkin says. "Was she back to the days when she was in top high-note-hitting form? No, but close." [Yahoo News via E!]
• Usher had to cancel his performance at a pre-Grammy party due to a "serious injury in the family" — apparently his wife Tameka experienced complications from plastic surgery in Brazil. Yikes! [TMZ, People]
• A neurosurgeon from LA's Cedars-Sinai Medical Center is headed to South America to check on Usher's wife. [Access Hollywood]
• Jennifer Aniston's 40th birthday party took place Saturday night at her house in Beverly Hills. Aniston and John Mayer "danced and huddled close all night," and guests included Oprah Winfrey, Sheryl Crow, David Arquette and wife Courteney Cox Arquette, Tobey Maguire and wife Jen Meyer, Laura Dern, Kevin Nealon, and Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson. Aniston has some kind of pull in Hollywood: the police kicked all the paparazzi out of the neighborhood! [Yahoo News via E!]
• Lindsay Lohan was seen hanging out at a table behind Sam Ronson's DJ booth; while Sam worked, LL was drinking from bottles stashed under the table. LL would flirt with guys but bitch out any woman who came close. This report notes that LL looked "grossly skinny." [E!]
• Director McG says of Christian Bale's "blowup": "The film set is a passionate place, and it happens… It was just one of those moments. I think I can speak on all of our behalf that we've all gotten a little fired up. And if anybody would take that moment and take it out of context, it would seem very, very strange." [People]
• Beyoncé runs around two and-a-half miles every day and is "eating veg and drinking water" because her stylists — and her mom tell her when she's gained weight. As for the diet: "It's boring." [Mirror]
• Here's video of the Jessica Simpson performance in which "every song was a disaster" and she mumbled through the lyrics and talked through tears, if you really want to watch that kind of thing. [ONTD via TMZ]
• Since she is producing a teen TV show for Fox and has a movie in the works, Jennifer Lopez is "putting music on the back burner," which may be for the best. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Do we really believe that Leonardo DiCaprio wants girlfriend Bar Refaeli to be on the cover of Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Issue because it will "piss off" Gisele Bundchen? [Page Six]
• Prince Harry and Paris Hilton were supposed to have a date? And the Prince canceled at the last minute? Did he come to his senses? Should we feel sorry for Paris? [Daily Mail]
• Eddie Murphy has been ordered to pay £35,000 a month until his daughter — whose mother is Mel B. — turns 18. That's a total of about £7million. Another Shrek sequel? Anyone? [Daily Mail]
• What's this? Emma Watson is nervous about kissing Rupert Grint, aka Ron Weasley, on screen? [Telegraph]
• Dave Grohl wore a white knot on the red carpet at the Grammys to show his support for gay marriage and marriage equality. Think we'll see 'em at the Oscars? [E!]
• A man was killed on Justin Timberlake's golf course in Tennessee Saturday in a freak accident involving a tree. [TMZ]
• Minutes into his act at a UK nightclub, rapper Coolio was pelted by plastic bottles and ice cubes. Coolio jumped into the crowd to fight some dudes but was dragged way by security. Not exactly a gangster's paradise… [The Sun]
• The new Dancing With The Stars cast has been revealed! Jewel and her husband, rodeo star Ty Murray, will compete against each other. The youngest contestant ever, 17-year-old Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson will dance; and so will Julianne Hough and boyfriend Chuck Wicks; Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Karina Smirnoff; Belinda Carlisle; Denise Richards, former NFL star Lawrence Taylor; Lil' Kim; Jackass star Steve-O; Apple computer co-founder Steve Wozniak; actors David Alan Grier and Gilles Marini; and Access Hollywood co-host Nancy O'Dell. [People]
• Remember when Natalie Portman rapped on Saturday Night Live? Uncensored audio can be found here [ONTD]
• Hugh Grant and ex Jemima Khan are so, so back on. [Telegraph]
• Welcome Charlie Axel into the world; he's the first son for Tiger Woods and wife Elin. [AP]
• A reporter calls The International, Tom Tykwer's film starring Clive Owen and Naomi Watts, a "strange and beautifully made thriller." Tykwer is best known for his 1998 flick, Run Lola Run. [Salon]
• Robbie Williams has been visiting weird websites, stuff like government paranoia and UFOs. [Daily Mail]
• Original Buffy The Vampire Slayer Kristy Swanson and ice skating champ Lloyd Eisler got married on Saturday. This story notes that Swanson "lost 45 lbs. in time for her wedding with the help of The Medifast Diet and regular exercise, including martial arts, skipping rope and treadmill work." [People]
• A tell-all book about Sean "Diddy Combs" by a former aspiring rapper is called Dancing With the Devil: How Puff Burned the Bad Boys of Hip-Hop. It's self-published, naturally. [Page Six]
• Are you ready for a Tricky comeback? [Independent]
• "Straying Alive! Married Bee Gee Robin Gibb has baby with live-in housekeeper 26 years his junior." [Daily Mail]
• "I want to keep learning, I have no ego. I'm blessed to be on one of the great shows. I made a statement last year that I was going to aggressively pursue my acting career… I want to do some television." - Sean "Diddy Combs on his CSI: Miami gig. [The Star]
• Paradise Beach had improbable plot-lines. We were always in bikinis, even at funerals. And someone who was my brother ended up being my father and I pulled him – it was just insane." — Isla Fisher on her soap opera past, to GQ. [Daily Express]
• "Besides being in love with him, I'm his biggest fan. I think my fiancé is hilarious." — Isla Fisher on Sacha Baron Cohen. [Mirror]
• "I've decided I am going to start loving my backside because I don't know anyone who does that. And for my daughter, I want to be able to say to her, 'I love this.' [Young women] look at all of us, myself included, on these magazine covers and they think, 'My God, how does she get skin like that?' And I can tell you, I have so many blemishes under this make-up that have been so fabulously covered, I promise you. I did realise a few years ago that no one actually talks about this retouching thing. It's like a secret or something. I'm damned if it's going to be a secret any more. I really want these young women to know we don't look like this." — Kate Winslet. [Daily Mail]
• "I think I definitely want to go to college… I could always study drama. I think that would be really cool. There's always more you can learn. If I wanted to do something totally different, I love history." — Dakota Fanning. [Newsweek]
• "Sir Anthony Hopkins is in the recording studio with Amy Winehouse, and we are hoping that next week Sir Brad and all the Pitt family will be performing The Sound of Music at the Brit awards." — Mick Jagger, making jokes at the Baftas. [People]
• "It's so invasive. It's not like they're standing 100 feet away. They're in your face, not letting you walk, standing in the way when you're driving. It becomes a situation and it doesn't need to be." — Jessica Alba on the paparazzi. [The Star]
• "I got into a bit of hot water for what I said about Amy Winehouse and I still say it again. I'm an ex-drug addict and I don't take that kind of stuff lightly. It stayed in my body for 25 years and it could still happen to this young woman or other addicts who are fooling around with drugs, especially needles. I would hope that what happened to me does not happen to her." — Natalie Cole, who has Hepatitis C and is waiting for a kidney transplant, on Amy Winehouse. [Mirror]
• "Every time I go for an ultra scan the baby is like in crazy positions with legs star-shaped and stuff. It's not like in a baby position at all. I feel like he is used to base lines and beats and receptive to that, which is cute." — M.I.A. [Mirror]
• "I grew up in Nashville, Tennessee, and my parents taught me to respect my elders. We'd say things like 'yes, ma'am' and 'no, sir' to adults. But kids in Los Angeles don't do that. I've drawn the line at my children calling adults by their first names. I tell them they can call people 'Miss Shannon' or 'Miss Heather' but that using only the first name is too familiar. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned." — Reese Witherspoon. [Reader's Digest]
• "It's crazy for people to care about him having a bong hit. Nothing's the matter with it - I want to have a bong hit right now. Really, the message Phelps is giving is that you can smoke weed and still be at the top of your game." — Bill Maher. [Gatecrasher]
• "My split with Brad was the hardest thing I ever went through. But it made me strong, superhuman. Now I'm turning 40 and I'm very excited. When they say youth is wasted on the young, it's so true.'" — Jennifer Aniston. [Daily Mail]
• People have called me a sex symbol in the past, but it's very much an effort […] It's been important for me to just do something that's extreme — that really separates me from that public Joaquin Phoenix persona, whatever the fuck that is. Or maybe I'm just lazy." — Joaquin Phoenix on his new, grizzy, bearded "look." [The Sun]

• The 51st Annual Grammy Awards begin at 8pm tonight. Among those set to perform: Kanye West, Jennifer Hudson, Justin Timberlake, M.I.A, Radiohead, u2, and many more. And the show is "only" 3.5 hours long. [MTV]

• Whitney Houston looked "glamorous" and "triumphant" as she performed at a pre-Grammy party hosted by Clive Davis. "She was on it, she was happy - she's back," said Jamie Foxx, who was in attendance, "Everybody else watch out."[Yahoo]
• Meanwhile, Usher had to cancel his appearance at the same party, due to a "serious illness in the family." Though reports are unconfirmed, Access Hollywood is reporting that his wife, Tameka Foster, has suffered complications from cosmetic surgery. Good thoughts to Usher and his family! [Yahoo]
• In happier news, Blink 182 fans have a reason the celebrate: the band is reportedly getting back together to record a new album, and will be reuniting as presenters at tonight's Grammy ceremony. [MTV]
• Kristy Swanson and Lloyd Eisler, who met on the set of Skating With Celebrities, were married on Saturday. "We're excited about the future," Eisler says, "Kristy is getting back into acting and I'm building my coaching career. Hopefully everything will work out." [People]
• "‘I like looking nice, but I always put comfort over fashion. I don't find thin girls attractive; be happy and healthy. I've never had a problem with the way I look. I'd rather have lunch with my friends than go to a gym."-Adele [DailyMail]
• Grey's Anatomy star Chyler Leigh claims she's planning on naming her baby "Aniston." This is one time when being Team Jolie is probably the better option, no?[USMagazine]
• Kate Moss is reportedly trying to kick her smoking habit: "Kate's worried about getting wrinkle lines and she's so determined to kick the habit she has banned all her friends from smoking anywhere near her," says a source. [ShowbizSpy]
• Uh oh- is GOOP a total rip off? Dragonfly Wellness founder Mary Kate Hearon says yes. On her Facebook page, Hearon claims that she had a friend send Gwyneth her newsletter, The Weekly Beet, but when the two met, Paltrow was "was sooooooo nasty to me, it was scandalous! [Husband] Chris [Martin], the utmost gentleman, stood to shake my hand, but she smirked and was silent when I asked how her dinner was . . . I never thought in a million years she'd . . . create her own site very similar to The Weekly Beet . . . [Goop has] the therapies I've tried, the foods I love, the detoxes that work! A lot of the same stuff!"" Paltrow's reps deny the allegations. [PageSix]
• "Being in love makes you happy. Definitely. I deeply, deeply care about John [Mayer]. We talk, we adore one another. And that's where it is. Do I want to have children? I do, and I will. The women who inspire me are the ones who have families and children. Why would I want to limit myself? I want to have it all."-Jennifer Aniston [ShowbizSpy]
• Peaches Geldof and her husband, Max Drummey, have split after 6 months of marriage. [TheSun]
• What's the first thing Drew Barrymore does after a breakup? "Head straight for the carbs. Macaroni and cheese. Kraft. Deluxe. The kind with the cheese you squeeze out of a bag that takes at least a month to pass through your body."[JustJared]
• Artist Shepard Fairey, perhaps best known for his iconic Obama campaign posters, was arrested in Boston for "tagging property." [MSNBC]
• After 15 months in court, Eddie Murphy has agreed to pay roughly 10 million dollars in child support to "Scary Spice" Mel B, as well as visit the daughter he now accepts as his own, Angel Iris. [DailyMail]
• Dave Grohl has come out in support of gay marriage: "Anybody know about whiteknot.org?" Grohl asked on the red carpet of Friday's MusiCares benefit, "You know what that's about? It's I believe in love and I believe in equality and I believe in marriage equality."[E!]
• Director McG has spoken up about the Christian Bale trainwreck: "The film set is a passionate place, and it happens," McG says, "There was no version of, 'Oh, Christian is going to whip his ass.' It was just sort of a blowup. We let it run its course, and it did. You obviously only get to hear the explicit parts." [People]
• Apparently Dodai didn't suffer alone at the movies on Friday: He's Just Not That Into You led the Friday box office with 10.6 million dollars. [EW]
• "(Young women) look at all of us, myself included, on these magazine covers and they think, "My God, how does she get skin like that?" And I can tell you, I have so many blemishes under this make-up that have been so fabulously covered, I promise you. I did realise a few years ago that no one actually talks about this retouching thing. It's like a secret or something. I'm damned if it's going to be a secret any more. I really want these young women to know we don't look like this."-Kate Winslet [DailyMail]
• Angelina Jolie says that raising her kids is so time-consuming that she barely has time to get dressed. "We are having such a wonderful time raising our children together and there is a lot of love in our home. I feel very lucky," Jolie says, though the craziness of raising so many kids means she's "been home for the last year so I spend a lot of time just watching TV and I tend to be in pajamas." That's what I'm doing RIGHT NOW! Except for the kids part. But still, you guys. Clearly I am just like Angelina Jolie. I wonder if she eats Eggo waffles for breakfast, too? [ShowbizSpy]

• Miley Cyrus is seen "slanting her eyes" in a picture that's been circulating on the web.

An Asian American advocacy group says she "encouraged and legitimized the taunting and mocking of people of Asian descent." What is it with these Disney stars? [Perez]

• Angelina, Brad and the brood will live in Brazil next. [The Star]
• Amy Winehouse wants to leave St. Lucia and go to Jamaica to record her album. But, as this paper points out, "her label is 'fully aware' Jamaica is awash with drugs like crack cocaine and cannabis." Didn't you think they just had lots of weed? [The Sun]
• Was Jennifer Hudson "singing" at the Super Bowl actually Jennifer Hudson lip-syncing to a backing track of herself singing? [EW, Independent]
• Jennifer Hudson will perform at the NAACP Image Awards on February 12. [People]
• MTV wanted the girls on The City to fake a physical fight at the DVF office. Tacky, tacky! [Page Six]
• Jennifer Connelly is on the March cover of Glamour looking stiff and glazed-eyed. Pretty hair, though! She says: "It’s been so long since I’ve dated that I don’t understand what’s going on anymore with things like Facebook and MySpace. A friend of mine wrote 'LOL' to me the other day. I thought she meant 'Lord, oh, Lord.'" [Just Jared]
• Michael Phelps knew that bong picture was coming out. A source says: "There was an effort to purchase it, there was even talk of him writing a sports column as well for a period of time to in exchange for not running it. But the News obviously knew what it had on its hands. They weren’t going to play ball." [MSNBC]
• Halle Berry's baby's first word? "It was probably 'dada,'" says baby daddy Gabriel Aubry. "She doesn't say 'dad.' She says 'papa,' which is the French version of it." Oh, and Halle and Gabriel want more kids: "She needs a sibling," Aubry says. "I think it's important." [People]
• Anne Hathaway's Oscar date? Her dad. "If I can squeeze a few more tickets, I'm going to see if I can take my brother and my mom. This is my first, maybe my only, time going. Hopefully not! My family is the most important thing in the world to me. I definitely wanted them by my side." [People]
• Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer spent Super Bowl Sunday together, hanging out with friends and watching the game. Snooze. [People]
• Faye Dunaway will guest star on Grey's Anatomy! [UPI]
• Katherine Heigl and her husband rescued a puppy in Mexico and he's freaking adorable. [Yahoo News via E!]
• You know how Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore were throwing things at the house next door, for undergoing noisy construction? "Internet hustler" Jason Calacanis is ripping them new ones. [Gawker]
• Oh: Ashton and Demi may adopt a child this summer! [MSNBC]
• Gwyneth Paltrow wasn't exactly thrilled with a "smutty" interview conducted by BBC1's Jonathan Ross. [Daily Mail]
• Spoiler alert! Click to find out what might be going down on a future episode of Lost. Sawyer's involved. [AP]
• Paris Hilton has purchased a £2 million home in London. You know she has a TV series, My British Best Friend, right? [Mirror]
• Paris hosted a Super Bowl party while her ex Benji Madden DJ'd. Awkward? Oh, and Paris maybe made out with Doug Reinhardt. [Perez]
• Mark Wahlberg and longtime girlfriend Rhea Durham — who have three kids — are planning a wedding. In a Catholic church. Is that kosher? [People]
• If you see Joe Francis of "Girls Gone Wild," let him know there's a warrant out for his arrest. Tax evasion case. [Reuters]
• Apparently the reason David Spade gets so many ladies is because he has a large dick. Try and erase that from your mind. [Perez]
• Chelsy Davy is not just a partying blonde: She has accepted a post at a law firm and will train as a solicitor later this year, after completing her degree. [Daily Mail]
• Those SNL "MacGruber" sketches that are also Pepsi commercials confuse some people. [AP]
• Vincent Gallo is selling a wallet that is "guaranteed" to get you laid. Cost? $750. [Page Six]
• Brunch with Sienna Miller involves dancing on the chairs. [Page Six]
• Blind items! "Which two Hollywood buddies should go home to their wives instead of partying together in New York clubs with bags of cocaine? . . . Which sitcom actor avoids socializing with industry professionals? Though his flamboyance is obvious, he stays in the closet with his close-knit - and tight-lipped - circle of gay friends." [Page Six]
• Why did Larry Birkhead bring Anna Nicole Smith's daughter Dannielynn to the set of Larry King Live? (She's cute though!) [Daily Mail]
• Slumdog Millionaire's Dev Patel was encouraged to get naked for teen drama Skins by his own mother. [Mirror]
• "Dozens" in Mumbai protested against Slumdog today. [Reuters]
• Pete Doherty is getting evicted from a nine-bedroom house because there's graffiti on the walls, stray cats and trash everywhere and, oh, yeah: The landlord feels he's turned the place into a drug den. [The Sun]
• Roman Polanski's lawyers have lost their bid to disqualify all L.A. judges from hearing his case; they claimed the entire Los Angeles Superior Court bench is biased against the director. The court has ruled that the hearing can go forward. [Variety]
• Bobby Brown's girlfriend is pregnant. It's his prerogative. He can do what he wanna do. [TMZ]
• Lionsgate pictures has acquired Sundance Film Festival winner Push: Based On The Novel By Sapphire, and Oprah and Tyler Perry will team up to promote the flick. The film's star, Mo'Nique, was honored with a special jury prize. The story revolves around an overweight, illiterate African-American teen in Harlem who's about to give birth to her second child when she is accepted into an alternative school. [Variety]
• Six Feet Under producer Alan Poul will direct Plan B, a film starring Jennifer Lopez as a single woman who meets the man of her dreams on the very day she conceives a child through artificial insemination. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Mel B. and Eddie Murphy seemed to have settled a "secret" legal battle over their daughter. Mel B had always said that Eddie didn't want a relationship with the child, but the agreement states that Eddie will not have custody, but will have visitation rights. [Mirror]
• Usher's Atlanta wine bar, Grape: squashed. [Perez]
• Congrats to David Eisenberg, Sex And The City's Steve, who, along with his wife, welcomed his first child on January 19. [E!]
• Erykah Badu and boyfriend Jay Electronica Twittered the birth of their baby girl over the weekend; Badu says it was home birth that lasted about five hours and that she didn't use painkillers. Ow. [USA Today]
• The late Keith Moon of The Who is being honored with a "blue plaque." [Independent]
• "I can't deal with actors. I can't deal with myself. We're neurotic and miserable... I love doing what I'm doing, but while I'm doing it, I'm miserable." — Viola Davis. [Yahoo News via E!]
• "It's impossible for me to rebel against my parents because they are such crazy people. I can't rebel against the normal things that people rebel against." — Lorcan O'Toole, whose father is Peter O'Toole and mother is Karen Somerville, an ex-girlfriend of the actor who worked as a model. [Telegraph]
• "I used to never even be able to see a boy. I didn't even know what a boy was. They were so foreign to me. I used to go roller-skating just so I could see the opposite sex. There was this boy... and he never asked me to backward couple skate with him. I was emotionally scarred by 11 or 12 years old." — Katy Perry. [Yahoo News via E!]
• "It's unfortunate. There's no one more disappointed about it than him… He's getting a lot of flack about it and it's really unnecessary." — Mark Wahlberg on the Jeremy Piven kerfluffle. [E!]
• "I don’t know. It was something about the way that we were together. He stood out to me as someone singular and rare and beautiful, and I liked the way he was in the world…. I liked the way he was with my son and the way he made me feel." — Jennifer Connelly on knowing Paul Bettany was The One, in Glamour. [Just Jared]
• "It's so funny to me that the role is a guy who is an Oscar-seeking moron. His whole motivation is Oscars. Irony is synonymous with pretty much everything that is going on." _-Robert Downey Jr., on being nominated for Tropic Thunder. [USA Today]
• "When you get to my age, you do running repairs. I had my fourth hair transplant as it means I don't have to wear wigs in a movie." — John Cleese. [Daily Mail]
• "One of the things I just loved about Liev right away was that he was so good with kids." — Naomi Watts. [People]
• "All the men want to be Don Draper, all the women want to fuck him. Everyone thinks he's the perfect man, and Pete Campbell is jealous of him. But Draper's completely incomplete, completely lonely, completely detached, completely alone. It's why he reaches out to all these women, it's why he needs to take charge in business, to belittle Pete. He's completely alone. Loneliness isn't a phase or a mood, it's a core condition of being and some of us deal with it better than others - build a family or make a million dollars. Or Draper, coming home to the empty house at the end of season one. That's a big theme of the show: unattachment, loneliness, distance." — from a worth-your-while interview with Vincent Kartheiser of Mad Men. [Guardian]
• "I wanted to have that big giant dance video moment. I wanted it to be plastic, beautiful, gorgeous, sweaty, tar on the floor, bad-ass boys, but when you got close, the look in everybody's eyes was fucking honest and scary." — Lady GaGa, on her new video, set in a subway station and deaturing "a menacing flock of bondage-loving biker-gang dancers." [EW]
• "Well here you have it. My final blog… Before I go, however, I must say that I received a text message from a very close and dear friend of Lindsay's who I trust and admire. The text said, 'between you and me you are doing the right thing. From what I hear, from Lindsay's nearest and dearest friends, Lindsay is worse off than ever since she she has been with Sam. I told Dina that Lindsay needs you back in her life, and I think you know that I was the one who really helped Linds get into rehab.' I was with Lindsay when she got out of Cirque Lodge. I saw and experienced the 'old Lindsay' with so much hope and promise. I had full confidence in her. Then back came Samantha! Can't you all see this? Am I speaking to stone walls? All I ask that you put your selves in my shoes and HONESTLY consider what you would do." — Michael Lohan. [Mike Lohan Online]
• "I get very emotional about these things, I discover. I think I'm not cut out for this. I'm too emotional to lose, and I'm too emotional to win." — Kate Winslet, on the Oscars. [Daily Mail]
• "I think with the success of a few big pictures like Mamma Mia! addressing an audience that, never mind being neglected, have been disdained in the boardrooms, there will be other films that target that audience. Mamma Mia! is that rare thing you can enjoy with your mother or your child, and its aim is only to make you happy." — Meryl Streep. [Mirror]
• "Fuck the haters! I saw this blog of people writing horrible things about me and for a second your ego is so wounded. How could people hate me, my intentions or what I’m trying to do? I’m a good person and I’m trying to put good things into the world." — Gwyneth Paltrow, on critics of her "lifestyle blog," GOOP. [Examiner]

[St. Barts, December 28. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

• The country's most famous teen mom, Bristol Palin, will have a boy around December 20th with fiance Levi Johnston. The as-yet-unnamed kiddie already killed a moose with his bare hands in utero. [Page Six]

• Though he persistently claims that he's not a Scientologist, Will Smith gave $122,500 to various Scientologist organizations. It's worth noting that a tax deductible $122,500 for Smith is like twenty buckies to us normal folks. That lady who does Bart Simpson's voice gave the Scientologists $10 million one time! [Perez]
• Last week Paula Abdul was going on and on to Barbara Walters about how Simon Cowell and the producers of American Idol deliberately made her face her stalker, Paula Godspeed, the woman who eventually killed herself outside Abdul's house. Cowell says otherwise: "All [Paula Abdul had] to say is ‘Stop filming, I need to speak with the producers.’ That didn’t happen [during Godspeed's audition]. But I only remember from what I saw [in news clips],” Simon says. [People]
• Jeremy Piven is leaving the David Mamet show Speed the Plow months before the end of its scheduled run. His flack claims that it's because Piven's discovered he has a high level of mercury, to which Mamet responded, "My understanding is that he is leaving show business to pursue a career as a thermometer.” [NYT]
• The shooting death of Mark Ruffalo's brother Scott has officially been ruled a homicide by Los Angeles police. [TMZ]
• Earlier this week, Madonna's flack Liz Rosenberg issued a report that Guy Ritchie had received in the neighborhood of $80 million dollars in the couple's divorce. Almost immediately afterwards, Madonna and Guy said that that Liz was a big liar and that her statement was "misleading" and "inaccurate." Today, Liz is covering her ass with a new announcement from the couple: "A misleading and inaccurate statement, specifically in relation to the sums of money involved, was wrongly issued to AP this week. The financial details of the settlement will remain private, save to say that both of us are happy with our agreement. Our primary concern, like any co-parents, is the care and well being of our children." [Jossip]
• Richard Dreyfuss is suing his father and uncle for nearly $4 million in unpaid loans. It's going to be a FUN Christmas at the Dreyfuss house! [The Star UK]
• More family feuding: Whitney Houston's step-mother is suing her for money she claims Whitney improperly kept after Houston's father, John, died in 2003. [AP via Yahoo News]
• Like mother-in-law Blythe Danner earlier this week, Chris Martin is disavowing divorce rumors. "I'm trying to think of when the last bit of bad news was. Well there hasn't been anything for a while. I'm supposed to be getting divorced but those things aren't happening so don't really count as bad news," the Coldplay star says. [Contact Music]
• A foreclosure company has stepped in to help pay Ed McMahon's mortgage, so the aging star won't get booted from his posh Orange County digs. [TMZ]
• Aw, Dustin Hoffman is a proud papa: "[MY kids] get mad at me for telling everyone about their accomplishments or for finding cute girls for my sons. But even though they love to hate me for it or cruelly imitate me, I can't stop bragging. They are my true credits." [Page Six]
• Stars are sharing their worst xmas presents ever with Cindy Adams. ""My most awful present as a teenager was a calculator," Michelle Williams said. "Every year I seemed to get the same stupid thing from a relative. I never used one of them." [Cindy Adams]
• Will Ferrell is going to play George W. on Broadway as a not-so-fond farewell to our 43rd President. The review will be called "You're Welcome, America: A Final Night With George W. Bush," and hits the B'way on January 20th. [NYDN]
• Eminem may keep a low profile these days, but don't worry, he's still the same old asshole. He tells Esquire, "I'm a T-shirt guy now. But wifebeaters won't go out of style, not as long as bitches keep mouthing off." [Esquire]
• Here's what Nick Cannon ex Christina Milian had to say about Cannon's marriage to Mariah Carey: “I was surprised like everyone else. I was like, ‘Really?’ It just seemed like a weird match, but I was happy for him. I always feel Nick works hard to get what he wants, whether that be women—that’s how he got me.” And then Mariah came in and shanked her with a giant enamel butterfly. [Just Jared]
• Emma Watson is worth $20 million and she still takes the subway. "I have a more normal life than people expect. When I take public transport, people are like, 'That girl looks like the girl from Harry Potter, but it can't be her on the tube.'"So then she takes out her Quidditch broomstick and shows them a thing or two. [USA Today]
• In a last ditch effort for popcultural relevancy, it looks like the new 90210 is mining an old feud for ratings: Brenda vs. Kelly. "Now that it's out that Brenda's been boinking Kelly's boyfriend Ryan (that whore!), the tension is most assuredly building up to a bona fide Kelly-Brenda smackdown." Dramz! [E! Online]
• Laura Bryan used to be married to Hootie and the Blowfish guitarist Mark Bryan. They divorced, and she just got remarried…to Hootie and the Blowfish drummer Jim Sonefeld. There's a blowfish joke to be made here but I'm not up for it this early in the morning. [WaPo]
• Tennis star Lindsay Davenport is expecting her second child. "Of course, this unexpected but exciting surprise now means I will be putting tennis on hold for the foreseeable future," Davenport says. [UPI]
• Eddie Murphy will play the Riddler in the next Batman movie alongside Christian Bale's broody hero. [Telegraph]
• 16-year-old Frances Bean Cobain is checking out a $6.5 million New York City pad. It must be said: if Courtney Love were your mother, wouldn't you want to live across the continent? [NYP]
• Though the fourth installment of the Terminator movies has not even hit screens yet, producers are already gearing up for a Terminator 5. Action hack Christian Bale is already locked in for the distant fifth Terminator movie. Let us reiterate: please drop that damn breathy hero voice Christian! We can't take you seriously when you talk like a low rent Darth Vader! [UPI]

• Britney's son Jayden reportedly had a seizure yesterday. Brit and the kids were in Kentwood, Louisiana, and the whole family rushed to the hospital in Mississippi. The two-year-old was kept over night for observation. [The Sun]
• William Balfour's current girlfriend has told police that he was involved in the killings of Jennifer Hudson's family. Will he be charged? [ET]
• William Balfour is in prison on a parole violation and may be released today. [Chicago Tribune]
• Lindsay Lohan on her love life in Bazaar: "I think it's pretty obvious who I'm seeing." When asked if she considers herself bisexual, LL said, "Maybe. Yeah." When asked if she's a lesbian, LL said, "No." Satisfied? [Page Six]

• Jennifer Aniston's rep has denied the rumor (and tabloid cover story) that she is pregnant. One magazine editor says: "She did lunch at the Ivy in a tight shirt? I mean, the Ivy? Usually Jen is above that sort of thing. She obviously knew she'd be photographed there. It makes you wonder if all of this press — hers and Brad's —is starting to get to her." [MSNBC]
• In this "30 Seconds With Justin Timberlake" interview, JT talks about golf, golf, and hitting golf balls. "Most of the Hollywood types that I know are not very good golfers." [NY Times]
• Is Peaches Geldof ready to divorce her husband? They've been married for 96 days. [Daily Mail]
• Peaches has a spokesperson, who says: "They have their ups and downs but at the moment Peaches and Max are still together and they are not getting divorced." [The Sun]
• Drew Barrymore was at a Vote No on Prop 8 protest, and told marchers, "I will fight with you!" [WOW Report]
• Beyoncé says: "I want to do a superhero movie and what would be better than Wonder Woman? It would be great. And it would be a very bold choice. A black Wonder Woman would be a powerful thing. It's time for that, right?" But aren't you busy being Sasha Fierce? [LA Times]
• Angelina Jolie says she'll do a film in February, then take a year-long break to be with her family, "and then one film a year, one film every three years, one film every six years. I’ll just, you know, fade away…" Sure, sure. [Times of London]
• Angelina on her twins: "They're great. They're still so little, but they do [have their own personalities]. They're starting to get very smiley. They're at that [stage] where their personality really starts to shine." [People]
• Brad Pitt will be on Oprah this month! Snippets from the interview have been leaked; he apparently confirms that more kids are coming ("Why stop now?") and says Shiloh is in a Peter Pan phase, and will only respond to the names "John" or "Peter." [Perez Hilton]
• Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty have broken up, and Sienna is "seriously worried" about her acting career after being dropped from Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes flick. But! She did hang out with Leonardo DiCaprio and Josh Hartnett on Friday night and "swapped numbers" with Josh. [Daily Mail]
• Guess who's £35,000 richer? Sienna Miller: She reached an out of court settlement for an invasion of privacy action against The Sun and the News of the World for covering her alleged relationship with Balthazar Getty right after her breakup with Rhys Ifans. [Guardian]
• Guy Ritchie's dad is "pleased" about his son's split with Madonna. Cold! [Daily Express]
• Will Oprah's show end in 2011? She is working on the Oprah Winfrey Network, and after a while, she may only appear there and not on her syndicated talk show. There's something odd about a network called OWN, it's very possessive, no? [UPI]
• Kate Winslet, who never wears fur, posed on a silver fox rug for Vanity Fair, believing it was fake. It was real. Vanity Fair has apologized, saying "Although there were both real and fake furs on set, the fur used in the photograph is real. We thought Miss Winslet was aware of this and we're sorry for the miscommunication." Seems like the stylists just said what she wanted to hear. [Telegraph]
• Nicole Kidman will play the world's first post-operation transsexual in the Hollywood movie The Danish Girl. [UPI]
• Blake Fielder-Civil's been fitted with a electronic ankle bracelet, as part of the terms of his release from jail. Sorta late on that trend, huh? [The Sun]
• Hmm, the chick with whom Blake had some sleazy communication with while in jail has changed her Facebook status to say: "Sophie is celebrating the return of her sailor." Which means Blake. [Perez Hilton]
• Meanwhile, Amy Winehouse has called a lawyer, trying to protect her £10 million fortune from her junkie hubby. [Mirror]
• Lauren Conrad is moving beyond The Hills and focusing on her dating abuse campaign, m.powerment. [USA Today]
• Oh, Lauren Conrad pitched a fit after being paged at the airport; she thought people would start talking to her and bothering her. Guess what? No one cared. [Page Six]
• The first paragraph of this Salma Hayek story is all about her breasts. Then the writer recalls one night before the Oscars when Salma asked her stylist if anybody could see her "bush" through her gown. She's described as the Mexican Catherine Deneuve, as well as "Earth Mother. Movie star. Director. Producer. And now humanitarian" with a "Speedy Gonzales accent." [Times of London]
• Terri Seymour, Simon Cowell's ex, says their split shouldn't come as a surprise: "We didn't feel like a couple any more." [Mirror]
• Terri says she's going to miss Simon's mom the most. "I'll really miss Julie. She's a lovely lady and so much fun. When Simon and I split up she said to me 'you'll always be my little girl - I adore you.'" [Mirror]
• Meanwhile, Simon Cowell is "furious" with Mariah Carey, because she was supposed to appear on his X Factor show but kept contestants waiting for three hours. [Mirror]
• As for Mariah, she is "happier than she’s ever been" and says: "I feel great, it’s hard work to stay in shape but the results are worth it." She's on a 1,500 calorie-a-day diet and does two hours of cardio and sculpting every day. Fun! [Mirror]
• The Naked Cowboy has settled his lawsuit against M&Ms. Seems he may have gotten some cash. [UPI]
• Jewel, the singer who used to live in a van, is selling her $1.7 million Hollywood Hills home. Will she live on her ranch in Texas instead? [TMZ]
• Evan Rachel Wood says her breakup with Marilyn Manson was not over her brother living in the guest house: "Manson and I both decided to take some time apart so we could concentrate on work. Someone used that opportunity to kick us while we were down and sell a completely false story. Manson owns the house he lives in. My brother has never stayed there and the person that said such horrible things about Manson being 'controlling' and 'emotionally abusive' is certainly no source 'close' to me." [UPI, People]
• The journalist who caused Pink to storm out of an interview has resigned. Pink, ever subtle, says: "She's fucking insane." [News.com.au]
• Taylor Swift says there were people watching her shop at Victoria's Secret: "I look up and there are, like, 15 people looking at me, with camera phones out, waiting to take a picture of which kind of underwear I'm going to buy. 'Think she's a small or an extra small?' I wanted to be like, 'Uh, guys? I can hear you!'" [Page Six]
• Fred Armisen says playing Barack Obama is an intricate game: ''To me, it's like trying to figure out a Rubik's Cube or a puzzle. There are so many pieces to put together." [UPI]
• Residents of a Manhattan walk-up are begging their landlord to remove Ralph Turturro, brother of John, from the building. The cops have been called more than five times since he moved in in August; Ralph screams at all hours of the night and is "explosive." One neighbor says "It's sad, because he's a sick man." [NY Post]
• Paul McCartney would like to sing for Michelle Obama. He'd like to do hit song "Michelle," of course. [People]
• Pete Townshend is an Obama fan as well. [Reuters, Reuters]
• Speaking of Pete Townshend, the Who played a show in L.A. on Saturday. Roger Daltrey's voice was not exactly in shape, and he told the crowd: "My vocal chords kinda go to sleep after two days off." [Reuters]
• Russell Brand says the infamous radio broadcast that got him fired was actually the "toned down" version. Yikes! [BBC News]
• In a new book, Ted Turner says he and Jane Fonda did not break up because of her religion. Is that what you've heard? [Yahoo News]
• Sylvester Stallone is writing the script for a film called The Expendables, in which he'll star with Jason Statham and Jet Li. And maybe Forest Whitaker. Sly says: "Whereas the Oceans 11 films were an ensemble for good looking guys, this is an ensemble for ugly tough guys." Don't you be talking about The Statham! [UPI]
• Famed paparazzo Ron Galella has a new book coming out and says: "When I started it was one to one. Me and Jackie [O]. Me and Liz Taylor. I like glamour. I'm a romantic person. The photographers today… they go for bad pictures, cellulite. I think it's a negative thing." [Reuters]
• The hottest after-hours bash in Hollywood happens at Eddie Murphy's house. Party all the time, party all the tiiiime… [Page Six]
• More news about Robin Williams dating Aly Hilfiger's friend. [Daily Express]
• If you like Guitar Hero, Rock Band and KISS, you'll want the Gene Simmons Axe Guitar, which works with Playstation games. [Reuters]
• Haha, this story about Zac Efron contains the following line: "Zac was different from other kids… He liked musicals, not girls." Just what are you implying? [Mirror]
• Former teen heartthrob David Cassidy has advice for Zac Efron:
  "All I can say to Zac is that as long as he does good work, doesn't lose his mind and stays grounded as a human being, he'll be fine." [People]
• "Cloning - we got generations of that shit. The pyramids? They was for cloning. That's why embalming lasts so long. Get the DNA and pull 'em back. So somebody been cloned already, but not me. Not yet." — George Clinton. [Page Six]

[Beverly Hills, October 7. Image via x17]

The Hollywood Reporter:

Reteaming with "Norbit" director Brian Robbins, Murphy tries some sharp physical comedy on for size, and though he's terrific (especially as that space ship), too often the Fox vehicle is content to meet the jokes halfway.
Still, like most of Murphy's recent output, the movie aims low — as in, the targeted pint-sized audience — and its family-friendly results should translate into some solid summer numbers.

Variety:

“Meet Dave” works best when helmer Brian Robbins, working from a clever script by Rob Greenberg and Bill Corbett, uses the f/x trickery relatively sparingly, and allows Murphy to shine as the pic’s most special effect. His gracefully awkward body language in Dave's early scenes recalls Steve Martin's herky-jerky hilarity as the spiritually possessed lawyer in "All of Me."

But even after the man-shaped spaceship adapts to ambulating, Murphy remains amusing as Dave does his best to mimic the expressions and understand the language of Earthlings.

E! Online:

Think of this as Coming to Earth with Murphy not only playing a cultural fish out of water but also an unfamiliar and uncoordinated body. Scenes like the one where Dave wrestles with both a sweater and the English language in an Old Navy store are really pretty funny, but the film falls apart once it tries to become an action movie and force a big climax.

Murphy's still got chops, but unfortunately doesn't seem to care much about the scripts he picks.

The A.V. Club:

Proven comic talents like Judah Friedlander and Ed Helms make up much of Murphy's crew, but apart from speaking in contraction-free spaceman-ese, the film doesn't give them anything funny to do. Murphy's performance is little more than an unblinking variation on his Coming To America stranger-in-a-strange-land shtick crossed with gags left over from the late, unlamented '90s sitcom Herman's Head. Here a sample: Banks offers Murphy-the-ship some meat loaf. Cut to Murphy-the-captain being confused when shown footage of the singer Meat Loaf. It's comedy that doesn't ask anyone, onscreen or in the audience, to try too hard.

Chicago Tribune:

The scenario's influences range from "All of Me" to "Innerspace" to "Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex" without the sex. Murphy's Dave is typified by a look of pop-eyed otherworldliness. Better material and more adept direction might've made this a perfectly solid commercial enterprise. As is, "Meet Dave" is imperfectly lame, and until Murphy—and other movie stars in his relative position of power—hold out for fresher goods, the multiplexes will continue to offer sporadically diverting time-wasters such as this one.

USA Today:

Jokes are laced with racism, homophobia and stereotypes of all stripes.

Given that co-screenwriter Bill Corbett was a writer for the quirky Mystery Science Theater 3000, Meet Dave really should have been funnier. Things certainly don't improve when the movie plunges into trite sentimentality: "The most powerful force in all the universe often comes from the smallest stars," Dave tells Gina's son, Josh. And: "Promise me you'll always take pride in being different."

The New York Times:

Of minor note is that Mr. Murphy’s penchant for playing more than one character, which until recently suggested an impatience with the limitations of most of his roles, has started to feel like a hedge against boredom. Though mildly amusing, his two characters in “Meet Dave” — a wee captain and a humanoid spaceship — neither tax nor stretch him. When the captain instructs the spaceship to walk and talk among the earthlings, it does so perfectly, the very picture of a well-oiled comedy machine.

Los Angeles Times:

If Murphy seems to have learned something from the scathing reaction to the excessive and generally grotesque "Norbit," Brian Robbins, who directed that movie as well as this one, has not. As if to make up for Murphy's tightly controlled performance, the movie's other actors are pushed past the limits of parody. A graceful actress in a thankless role, Banks is given little but a string of open-mouthed reaction shots, and Gabrielle Union fares no better as the captain's onboard love interest. The ship's unnamed crew members are a collection of undifferentiated types who evolve into lazy caricatures under the influence of Earth's undisciplined emotions. There's a black crewman (Kevin Hart) who becomes a trash-talker lech after he's exposed to hip-hop, a mustachioed grunt (Pat Kilbane) who catches a glimpse of "A Chorus Line" and swiftly goes gay, and a nerdy engineer (Judah Friedlander) who starts racking up MySpace friends. For a self-proclaimed superior race, these Lilliputian explorers are notably underdeveloped.

AOL via AP:

Essentially phoning in the broad, family friendly shtick that has become his trademark over the past decade, Murphy stars as both a human-sized spaceship that has landed on Earth and its itty-bitty captain, who is at the controls from inside the ship's head.

It's a high-concept premise from screenwriters Rob Greenberg ("Frasier") and Bill Corbett ("Mystery Science Theater 3000"), but the execution is mostly lowbrow. Director Brian Robbins, whose "Norbit" with Murphy last year looks like a bold slice of comic genius by comparison, runs through a variety of bland fish-out-of-water scenarios in workmanlike fashion. (And let's not forget that for all eternity, we can refer to it as the Academy Award-nominated "Norbit," since it was recognized for its complex makeup.)

'Meet Dave' opens in theaters nationwide today.

• Whoa. Robert Rodriguez and Rose McGowan are dunzo. She was supposed to star in his remake of Barbarella, but studio moguls wanted "a bigger star, a bigger name." Now the flick might have — wait for it — Jessica Alba as the lead. What a fucking mess. But yeah, the whole leaving your wife for the chick in your movie thing is always bad news bears. [Page Six]
• Yo! Daniel Craig lovers! The new bond trailer is online! (Why yes, he is shirtless for a split second!) [BBC News]
• Jennifer Aniston and the gang are reuniting for a film version of Friends. Why, Zeus, why??? [Daily Mail]
• A source says Alex Rodriguez of the Yankees has been hanging out at Madonna's apartment a lot lately. He's been leaving as late as midnight. They work out at the same gym, have the same agent and her kids like the Yankees. But! Madge's spokesperson says there is no truth to the rumored affair. [NY Post]
• Plus, Madonna's spokesperson says: "There are no divorce plans." [Reuters]
• The spokesperson, Liz Rosenberg, Madonna's PR flack, swears that her Madgesty and Guy Ritchie are not getting divorced. TMZ points out that she is the same woman who, in 2006, said, "Madonna has not adopted a baby, despite reports that she has." [TMZ]
• Madonna and Guy walked into a New York City restaurant last night, holding hands. Then they had dinner together. So clearly, everything is fine. [People]

• A smiley, happy slideshow of photos of Madonna and Guy through the years shows that he never wears a wedding ring. [TMZ]
• Angelina Jolie is in the hospital but "there's no urgency." She's resting and whatnot. Twins, people. Twins. [People]
• Her hospital check-in was "planned" and Angie is "doing great." [Reuters]
• Angelina's obstetrician will make a statement this afternoon. What will it be??? [AP]
• And yeah. Angie may have fibbed about her due date. [Fox News]
• BREAKING NEWS: Shannen Doherty is in talks to reprise her role as Brenda on the new 90210. Holy uckfay. [Perez Hilton]
• Christie Brinkley's divorce trial begins today and it's hard to muster the energy to care. It sucks that some dude cheated on a supermodel with a 18-year-old assistant but: Yawn. [AP]
• Daniel Radcliffe says of the new Harry Potter movie: "There is a fair amount of sexual energy and there are some drug parallels. We have a couple of what David Yates, the director calls our 'Trainspotting moments'." [Mirror]
• This headline: "Pharrell Williams To Grow New Skin In A Test Tube To Make Room For New Tattoos" says it all. [Mirror]
• Sienna Miller: Seen in Prague hugging married man Balthazar Getty and yes, there are pictures. [Daily Mail]
• Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong had a beachside lunch with Kate's mom Goldie Hawn, aww. [People]
• Boy George was forced to cancel his US tour due to visa denial. He's all, "Do you really want to hurt me?" And the authorities are like, "Yes." [USA Today]
• Colin Farrell has a new dame, novelist Emma Forrest. They've been together six months (???) but made their first public appearance in Hollywood last night. [The Sun]
• Meryl Streep is psyched about her Mamma Mia! movie: "It's a requirement of popular culture that you strike an ironic distance. This doesn't. It's a film about women and their whole experiences being hopeful and youthful and older and suffering the regrets that you have over a long life. It's visceral and I love that." She also says: "Women's real change in our society has been disruptive, but feels evolutionarily necessary. So now 60% of the kids in college are women. More than 50% of medical students are women. They're not at the top in government and business, but there is real change and I think that has terrified everybody. It's terrified men and it's terrified women." As a result, she thinks, "women have performed a compensatory step back". Streep starts imagining out loud what the women who have made that step back tell themselves. "'I won't be sexy if I'm this - even though I want to be paid an equal amount, I still want to appear sexy, I still want to appear fragile, so I'll lose weight.' That's my theory about what women are doing anyway." There's so much more, you should read the whole interview. [Guardian]
• Chris Martin thought he might be gay, then he discovered he loves breasts. [The Sun]
• The heirs of J.R.R. Tolkien have not received any money from the Lord Of The Rings movies, even though the studios grossed around $3 billion at the box office and $3 billion in DVDs and merch, wow. Wow. [LA Times]
• Donna Summer is making a "comeback." She has always written her own songs and her new album is no different. She didn't want to end up a "desperate housewife" so she decided to "go for it." And she doesn't plan to quit: "Ella Fitzgerald sang throughout her whole life. I have no intention of stopping." [Independent]
• Derek Jeter may or may not know what "prowess" means, but he likes the way it sounds when applied to his love life. [Page Six]
• Unlike Carrie Bradshaw, Candace Bushnell still smokes. [Page Six]
• Alec Baldwin vs. NYC carriage horses: A shitty battle. [Page Six]
• Will Princes Harry and William appear in a movie about "the glamorous international polo circuit"? [Page Six]
• "As a woman, if you're outspoken and you know what you want, you're a bitch. And if you don't know what you want, you're a ditz." — Kimora Lee Simmons to Giant magazine. [Page Six]
• Here's something you didn't want to know: Director Brett Ratner bought five copies of The Big Penis Book. [Page Six]
• That Russian male model, Andre Birleanu, from America's Most Smartest Model, who was arrested twice and charged with harassment and sexual abuse? Looks like his cases will be dismissed. [Page Six]
• Anne Hathaway's family tried to warn her about her con man ex-boyfriend, Raffaello Follieri. And did she know that shit was about to go down? She left the country right before the Feds arrested him. [Rush & Molloy]
• Tom Hanks vs. Jack Nicholson; SAG vs. AFTRA. [Rush & Molloy]
• LeRoi Moore, the sax player in Dave Matthews Band, has been seriously injured in an ATV accident. [TMZ]
• Tony Hawk and wife Lhotse welcomed their first child, a daughter named Kadence Clover Hawk. (Tony has three sons from a previous relationship.) [People]
• Will Audrina be topless in her new movie? Do you care? [Egotastic]
• Eddie Murphy might retire. I wish he'd quit before he made Meet Dave. [ONTD]
• Josh Hartnett will star in a stage adaptation of Rain Man — as the Tom Cruise character, not the Dustin Hoffman autistic savant. [UPI]
• McDonald's has a Devo-looking Happy Meal toy, and Devo is pissed. [UPI]
• Justin Timberlake is afraid of his momma. Justin says she's like, "'Answer me when I ask you a question!' and then I’d start to answer and she’d go, 'Shut up when I’m talking.'" [MSNBC]
• Is Shia LaBeouf dating Ginny Weasley? He's 22 and she's 17, btw. [ONTD]
• Lindsay Lohan and Lily Allen: Recording a duet! [OK!, via ONTD]
• Alleged illegitimate Lohan sister Ashley Kaufman wants a record deal. Of course. But! An "insider" says: "Ashley has more talent than Lindsay or Ali." [MSNBC]
• Today is Lindsay Lohan's birthday. What do you think she's getting from Sam? [PopSugar]

• Have Britney Spears and Adnan Ghalib broken up? Sam Lutfi claims she's requested a restraining order against Ghalib; Ghalib says he's heard no such thing. Guys, guys: Maybe you should just arm-wrestle or flip a coin? Sheesh. [People]
  
• Meanwhile, Britney's working on "amazing" choreography for her song "Hot As Ice." [People]
  
• And Brit will be on the cover of the March issue of Blender, because she hasn't had enough press lately. [Page Six]
  
• Reports claim Gwyneth Paltrow's hospitalization was for a "gastrointestinal situation." Macrobiotic food poisoning, anyone? [Page Six]
  
• Law & Order and Sex And The City star Chris Noth is a daddy! His girlfriend Tara Wilson has given birth to a baby boy, Orion Christopher. Hey, did you know she was black? Me neither. [People]

• The assistant to famed photographer Annie Leibovitz lost his iPhone in a taxi — along with contact numbers for luminaries like David Bowie, Diane von Furstenberg, Stella McCartney and Anna Wintour. The contacts got downloaded and drunk-dialed... Can't Steve Jobs track this kind of thing? [Gatecrasher]
• Barack Obama fan Oprah has given Kosher Sex author Rabbi Shmuley Boteach a show on her XM radio channel; Boteach is a supporter of Rudolph Giuliani. Whoops. [Rush & Molloy]
• Kiefer Sutherland is out of the slammer! He served 48 days in Glendale City Jail for his second DUI conviction. [TMZ]
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt: Planning on looking at orphanages in Africa over Easter? [TMZ]
• Eva Mendes wore a revealing dress on a French TV show and had a little nip slip. [The Sun]
• Jada Pinkett-Smith claims bff Katie Holmes is "running her own show." Explains Jada: "Tom don't run nuthin' in that house. It is Katie's house. It's her world." [MSNBC]
• Lindsay Lohan and Eddie Murphy are nominated for the Razzies — awards for the worst performances, in I Know Who Killed Me and Norbit. Yay! Or, uh, Boo! [USA Today]
• Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman's son Max had his bris over the weekend. Ouch. And Mazel tov! [E!]
• Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush are at the Sundance Film Festival (?!?) and were seen taking pictures in a booth sponsored by a condom company. What is the world coming to? [TMZ]
• Also at Sundance: A documentary about Roman Polanski has lots of buzz; the Weinstein Co. is distributing and HBO acquired North American rights. [Reuters]
• Bam Margera's uncle, Don Vito, was sentenced to two years of probation for cocaine possession (on top of the 10 years to life on probation he got for sexual assault on a child). [AP]
• White lotus flowers in hand, actress Mia Farrow led a protest at the Khmer Rouge Cambodian prison notorious for torture. Police blocked the group from lighting a torch outside the site and Farrow was "jostled" before she and the other protesters left the scene. [Independent]
• Militants in Nigeria have invited George Clooney to visit the area as a "messenger of peace." Mmmm. Clooney. [Time]
• A German historian has compared Tom Cruise's Scientology speech to Nazi propaganda spewed by Joseph Goebbels. [Telegraph]
• In an interview, Charlize Theron said she loved the Turkish city of Budapest — which, of course is in Hungary. She probably meant Istanbul? [Daily Mail]
• Cloverfield was a monster at the box office this weekend, shredding Katherine Heigl's 27 Dresses. [Reuters]
• RIP Suzanne Pleshette. [TMZ]

• Two weeks after they exchanged vows at a "spiritual" ceremony in Bora Bora, Tracey Edmonds and Eddie Murphy have indeed split. The two will "remain friends" and since they never had a legal US wedding, Eddie — who acted like a bit of an asshole to Tracey — won't have to pay any alimony. [People]
  
• Cops were called to the home of Britney Spears last night, but not for the pop star! Several photographers were arrested for reckless driving. Seriously, it's all fun and games until someone gets nailed by an SUV. Or has a nervous breakdown. [Perez Hilton]
  
• According to a poll, 51% of people think that Britney should be able to see her kids a few times a week. Only 1% wanted Britney to get full custody. Was that 1% one person? And was that one person Britney? [Reuter]
  
• Kevin Federline's lawyer says Kevin knows how difficult the custody situation is on the kids — and their mother. "It's a sad situation. There's no victorious feeling." Isn't it amazing how he's become the one to sort of trust and admire? [People]

• Uh-oh! Blake Fielder-Civil is livid with wife Amy Winehouse and has said "I want a divorce." Will she lose her man? Also: She doesn't have a pre-nup, crap. [Perez Hilton]
• Jeremy Piven has a crush on Dita Von Teese! The Entourage star sent two satin mini dresses to the burlesque queen, awww. [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which talented singer/guitar player seems to have forgotten he's married with children? He's been spotted entering and exiting a building in Battery Park City where he spends the night with a beautiful record company executive." [Page Six]
• Clint Eastwood is suing Palliser Furniture company for creating a chair called "The Eastwood." The estate of Marlon Brando is also suing; the chair company claims The Brando chair was named after a town in Corsica — and yet they also have seats named after Charles Bronson, James Cagney and Sean Connery. [E!]
• "He was uncomfortable with the side effects of stardom. There was a sadness in his eyes for someone so young, and he always had an air of trouble around him." — a friend of the late Brad Renfro. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which rising actor with a celebrity girlfriend has been sending 'dirty, flirty' texts to a slew of young ladies in Hollywood? At least that's the gossip." [Gatecrasher]
• Is Sienna Miller to blame for the break between Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn? [Rush & Molloy]
• Simon Cowell denies he got a a "tit job" on his man boobs. "I've tried to cut out red meat, biscuits, cakes and desserts and I eat a lot of fruit," he says. [MSNBC]
• Ike Turner's death was indeed a cocaine overdose, though the singer had a long history of cardiovascular disease and emphysema. [Reuters]
• Faith Hill is recovering from knee surgery — she injured it playing softball in high school. Who knew she was sporty? [AP]
• Foxy Brown is hoping for early release from prison as she slowly goes deaf. "I am terrified of not hearing a fire alarm go off, or being locked in a cell, and someone not being kind enough to let me out, since not everyone understands the severity of my condition," she wrote in a letter. [E!]
• Former Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker is suing Rockstar energy drink company for publishing a photo of him holding a can of the product. What's with all these companies trying to exploit celebs? [USA Today]
• Liz Hurley pregnant? The 42-year-old has a "bump." Ugh, to be a star and have everyone staring at your stomach all the time. Must suck. [Daily Express]

• Britney Spears defied court-mandated visitation hours last night by refusing to turn her sons over to ex-husband Kevin Federline. So the cops were called! And then an "intoxicated" Britney was taken, via ambulance, to the Cedars Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. [Us Magazine]
  
• Britney is still in the hospital for "an evaluation." She was under the influence of an "unknown substance." [People]
  
• There were nine police cars and three ambulances involved in the fracas, and Britney made a "rude hand gesture" as she was brought out of the ambulance on a gurney. [Reuters]
  
• And here's a report saying that two-year-old Jayden James is in the hospital as well. [TMZ]
  
• Wanna see video of Britney being rushed to the hospital? Click here. [Defamer]
  
• If you'd like to see some video of a Fox News helicopter capturing this insanity, click here. [Defamer]

• Pamela Anderson is moving ahead with her divorce from Rick Salomon: Papers have been served. Surely she'll bounce back from this and get right back out there. Soon she'll be ready for wedding number four! [Us Magazine]
• Is Kim Kardashian's so-called engagement just like her so-called $50 grand airport theft: Just a story to keep her name in the papers? [Page Six]
• Jennifer Lopez' twins are almost due, and friends say she is having a boy and a girl. [Page Six]
• Did Jay-Z quit as CEO of Def Jam records because the job doesn't pay enough? [Page Six]
• Poor Avril Lavigne! The lil' punk cried on New Year's Eve because Lil' Jon grabbed the mic and did the countdown at the party she was "hosting." [Page Six]
• Some dude claims he has video of Vivica Fox giving him a blowjob. Good morning! [Rush & Molloy]
• "Paris Hilton gave me my first alcohol poisoning!" — Kelly Osbourne. "I did? That's hot." — Paris Hilton. [Rush & Molloy]
• Blind item! "Which wholesome pop-star crooner demands that bags of blow be presented to him following his concerts?" [Rush & Molloy]
• Madonna's been taking long horseback safari outings in India, galloping for 17 mile stretches. There's a joke in there about being ridden long and hard but like, whatever. [Times Of India]
• Singer Natalie Imbruglia has split from her husband Daniel Johns, frontman of the band Silverchair. She was the one with the really good video, remember? Although she said she was "lying naked on the floor," but she totally wasn't. [Mirror]
• Eddie Murphy's beach marriage is invalid! A law specialist in French Polynesia notes that to be legally wed there you must live in the area for at least 30 days. OMG fake wedding! [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Oh, but Eddie and Tracey Edmonds are planning a legal ceremony in the US. Their Bora Bora wedding was a "spiritual ceremony." Cool. [People]
• Leonardo DiCaprio's neighbors are trying to sue him for building a basketball court they claim destabilized their property. The judge ain't having it: She says the couple are "seeking a scapegoat." [USA Today]
• Amy Winehouse is on holiday in the Caribbean while her husband remains in jail, but apparently she's been mopey because her friends didn't join her — sources say they didn't want to come unless she was trying to sober up, and she's not. Sigh. [The Sun]
• Meanwhile her husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, has been voted Britain's top anti-icon by Arena magazine. They're calling him the "worst husband ever." [Independent]
• Former number one tennis star Martina Hingis is banned from the sport for two years, due to her positive cocaine test. Of course, when the results first came back, Hingis insisted she was "100% innocent" and retired. So. [BBC]

• Kim Kardashian is engaged to NFL star Reggie Bush! We're starting to suspect she likes black guys. [Perez Hilton]
  
• Britney Spears spent New Year's Eve at a beach house in California with her sons, her court-appointed monitor and her new boyfriend, paparazzo Adnan Ghalib — who was invited to Brit's hotel room last week and told other photogs it was "the best night of his life." Good luck, kids! [Page Six]
  
• A performer at a New York cabaret club spilled drinks on Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore; the owner says "Fuck Ashton and Demi... They spend nothing... I can't stand those two, and I applaud whoever spilt a drink on them." Damn, 2008 is gonna be great. [Page Six]
  
• Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia: It's on! Especially now that she has turned 18. (He's 30.) [TMZ]
  
• Robin Thicke and wife Paula Patton: Expecting. Here's hoping that blind item about a singer "living out his sex fetish dreams" is not Thicke. [ONTD]

• Dave Chappelle got into an argument with his wife in a New York City restaurant — in front of his two sons. The wife was in tears, the lunchtime crowd was "shocked." [Page Six]
• Adam "DJ AM" Goldstein (now 34) tried to kill himself when he was 24: He put a loaded gun in his mouth. He says, "It's been "9 ½ years since I've had a drink or taken drugs... but I'm still a drug addict." [Page Six]
• Cisco Adler thinks ex Mischa Barton looks "so hot" in her mugshot. Heart-warming! [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which 40ish actress has finally gotten pregnant for the first time? Her rep is denying it because she's only a month into it, and has suffered miscarriages in the past. Said our source: 'Watch for her to get bangs and start wearing hats to hide her sagging face because you can't be on Botox when you are pregnant.'" [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which gorgeous daughter of a foreign-born billionaire had a fling last year with Prince William? While their families don't get along, and she could never marry the future King of England, the hookup between their clans was not unprecedented. [Page Six]
• Dominick Dunne writes about the inquest into Princess Diana's death in the new issue of Vanity Fair, noting that four photo agencies in Paris were robbed on the night of the crash, and hundreds and hundreds of paparazzi pictures were stolen and have never been found. Coverup? [Gatecrasher]
• Tiffany (New York) Pollard and Tailor Made partied and shared a beer in South Beach on New Year's Eve. Yawn! [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which Las Vegas mover and shaker is having a very public affair with a beauty queen who wears the name of a neighboring state on her sash? 'It's so out in the open, but the photographers know they're not allowed to take a picture when she's sitting on his lap,' says a snitch." [Gatecrasher]
• Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds were wed on New Year's Day on an island near Bora Bora. Mazel tov! This is the second marriage for both; Murphy has 7 kids, including the daughter of Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown. The Brits call him Beverly Hills Cock! [People]
• Is Tyra going to adopt a kid??? She's reportedly said, "I've wanted to adopt since I was nine. I have a connection with children and they don't have to come from my womb for me to have that connection." Can't wait to see her teach a little one to smile with her eyes. [The Sun]
• Paul McCartney's secret heart operation: Not secret anymore! The 65-year-old Beatle had coronary angioplasty in the fall. [The Sun]
• Meanwhile, Heather Mills ended up watching Paul McCartney in concert on TV on New Year's Eve. Auld lang syne, sigh. [Mirror]
• Does Pam Anderson's marriage have problems? "Oh, there's plenty," she says. "What can you do? We're all human. We're all trying." [People]
• Dax Shepard, once seen on the arm of Kate Hudson, is now with Heroes' Kristin Bell. The gentleman prefers blondes! [ONTD]

• OMG. This is amazing. Sex-tape star Kim Kardashian was seen "making out" with Terrence Howard! And he was seen "rubbing her butt"! Does she know about the baby wipes??? [Page Six]
  
• Jennifer Lopez's mom told a Daily News reporter she didn't hear about Jennifer being pregnant. "You know more than I do. I don't talk to her very often." Ouch! We're totally calling our mom later. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Lindsay Lohan's rep says the rumor about LL shagging married dude Tony Allen in rehab is "mean" and "untrue." Because that's her job. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Have you seen Beyoncé's new dark hair? [StereoHyped]
  
• Mary-Louise Parker's adoption of an African girl is "a great idea" says Angelina Jolie. Inside she was thinking, "Copycat!" [Page Six]

• Whoopi Goldberg seen giving Sherri Shepherd fashion advice? How very troubling. [Page Six]
• Today in the Charlie Sheen custody drama: Denise Richards claims Charlie got engaged to fiancée Brooke Mueller to get on the cover of People. [People]
• Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds want a "fun and casual" wedding. You know what would be fun? If Scary Spice showed up! [People]
• Brad Pitt: where he's from in the Midwest there's a "congenital sadness" but he's happy to have kids and their mother is "amazing." Same old same old. [People]
• Brad's next project? Playing a disgraced boxer in a flick based on a true story. We like that the documentary about the fighter was called High On Crack Street. Kind of says it all. [E!]
• For last year's transgression — trying to enter an airport with a collapsible baton in his luggage — Snoop Dogg was sentenced to community service in a location that does not involve children, games or football. Boo! [TMZ]
• Sharon Osbourne says Ozzy is always up for sex. "He's like a rabbit. Every song gets him in the mood." Ugh, too early for this! [The Sun]
• Amy Winehouse and hubby Blake Fielder-Civil had a spat before her MOBO performance, which might have been why it was kind of a mess. A source claims Blake told her he was going to slit his wrists, and that Amy's toilet was covered in vomit. Sigh. [The Sun]
• Did you hear about Sting visiting a brothel in Germany? Apparently his wife doesn't give a damn. They were nuzzling in public last night. [Daily Mail]

• More info on Ellen Barkin's lawsuit against her ex-husband, billionaire Ron Perelman. Apparently her partner in the film production company Perelman was supposed to be financing is Barkin's brother, George, a former editor of marijuana-obsessed magazine High Times. $3.4 million buys a lot of weed, yo. [PageSIx]
  
• Cosmopolitan's Style & Beauty says "guyliner" is out. "The only kind of pencil a man should wield is the writing kind." Sorry, Pete Wentz! [PageSix]
  
• The covers of Life &Style and Us Weekly were so similar this week that Us's editor-in-chief, Janice Min, is "irked." An Us spokesperson called L&S "a poor imitation." There's totally going to be a fight after school!
  
• A spy says Paula Abdul passes out while she's having her hair and makeup done. Wouldn't you? [PageSix]
  
• A studio exec says of Lindsay Lohan's career: "I think she's done." The guy who conducts interventions on addicts for the A&E series Intervention adds: "I predict it's only going to get worse." Oh, man. Well, we'll be watching. [EntertainmentWeekly]

• Sean Penn and Venezuela's rabblerouser Hugo Chavez talked on the phone and then met in Caracas yesterday. New BFFs? [PageSix]
• Louis Vuitton will no longer loan Lindsay Lohan clothes, because she took too much from her photoshoot with Elle. This is not really surprising. [ PageSix]
• Oscar-nominated actress Michelle Williams' father, who was arrested for tax evasion in Sydney in 2006, has lost his court battle to prevent US authorities extraditing him from Australia. The IRS claims he owes more than $1.5 million in taxes. We can't make a joke, because the IRS scares us. [Yahoo!News]
• When Nicole Richie goes to jail, she'll be in the same place Paris Hilton did time. That's hot! [TMZ]
• Poor Madonna! Some old love letters and explicit Polaroids might become public at the same time the head of Malawi's child welfare services spends a week with Madge and her family to assess whether they're fit to adopt baby David permanently. We have a feeling that once the child welfare dude sees the Material Girl's wealthy lifestyle, he will ask to be adopted as well. That's what we would do. [DailyMail]
• Have you seen the video where Tim McGraw's ring gets taken? [YouTube]
• Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown and Eddie Murphy's ex-wife Nicole had lunch at Beverly Hills hotspot The Ivy. That Scary: Crazy like a fox! [People]
• Beyoncé is the new face of American Express. But that doesn't mean you can charge what ever you want and she'll pay the bill. [OK!]
• If you've dreamed of sailing the ocean with John Mayer, you now have your chance: It's called the Mayercraft Carrier, and it's a three-day cruise hosted by John Mayer. This is not a joke. [MayercraftCarrier, via OhNoTheyDidn't]
• Single? No problem! Flavor of Love 3 is now casting. [DListed]