Jon Gosselin Turns Back Time with Funny or Die [Just Jared]

Meet Peter Paparazzo (Jon Daly) and Bobby Bottleservice (Nick Kroll). They manage to make fun of Christian Audigier, Michael Jackson, John Gosselin, structured water, and the Hardy Boys. Assigned a mystery by Christian, they investigate, write clues in their Ed Hardy notebooks, make passes at girls, shout, "Red carpet paparazzi! Red carpet paparazzi!" apropos of nothing, and eventually take the thief down.

The Ed Hardy Boyz: The Case of the Missing Sick Belt Buckle [Funny Or Die]

• "It has been the most incredible gap-year project," says Emma Watson on her new ethical fashion line. What happened to Habitat for Humanity? [WWD]

• Quoth the Chanel-clad sorceress: "I wanted to help People Tree produce a younger range because I was excited by the idea of using fashion as a tool to help alleviate poverty and knew it was something I could help make a difference with." [Telegraph]
• Coco Rocha takes a more traditional path, going with her church to work in Costa Rica. "My religion has always been important to me." [FashionWeekDaily]
• Christian Audigier, the man behind douche-outfitters Ed Hardy and Von Dutch, is for some reason going to be in a movie. "Explains" his agent, "The guy is a natural... Christian is into fighting, boxing, martial arts. And he wants to show people that side. That skill set." Oh, he's also cutting an album. [GQ]
• Speaking of multimedia: Versace has launched Facebook and Twitter accounts. As Karl Lagerfeld could tell them: demode. [WWD]
• If you don't feel you can exactly pull of Aretha's inaugural chapeau, here's a more wearable option: the Queen of Soul, avec chapeau, immortalized on a limited-edition tee. [New York]
• Whoa: Gaultier for Target? We could use a $20 cone bra...[WWD]
• And speaking of collabs: Christopher Kane for Topshop is awesome, selling brilliantly. Bring. It. Here. Now. [Independent]
• Says LVMH's prez: "There are four main elements to our business model-product, distribution, communication and price. Our job is to do such a fantastic job on the first three that people forget all about the fourth." They're not there yet. [Economist]
• Leigh Lezark, the somewhat vacant, sinister and inexplicably beloved former Misshape, has been tapped as the "brand ambassador" for Charles Worthington's new range. [ElleUK]
• Speaking of celeb faces, Alexander Wang: "Today, more than ever, it definitely makes a difference. But for us, it's always about finding the right person, whether it's an A-list celebrity or someone on the Internet who understands our brand and has a lot of influence on people." [WWD]
• A Coach employee is suing his supervisor for sexual harassment. "It was one of those weiner dogs and he would say, 'Ok, I have a big weiner, you wanna come see my weiner?'" [NYDN]
• Oh noes! Prescriptives - and its awesome custom-blend foundation - is a recession casualty. Parent company Estee Lauder is shutting the brand down as a cost-cutting measure. [WWD]
• Apparently Emmanuel Ungaro chose Lindsay Lohan for the role of "artistic adviser" over Madonna and Paris because the troubled starlet brings "something younger, more cool, with a different attitude." That and she has bullshit-fashion experience from Project Runway! [AP]
• "Microluxury" - teeny-tiny dolly-sized luxe accessories - are, maybe, the wave of the future. Or maybe not. [Time]
• Ann Taylor's flaks must be working overtime: the working-gal's label, working hard to change its frumpy image, got a whole laundry-list of celebs to go to the runway show. In attendance: Jennifer Esposito, Vanessa Williams, Mena Suvari, Gretchen Mol, Kelly Rutherford, Kelly Bensimon, Laila Ali, Katherine McPhee and Amanda Bynes. [WWD]
• Speaking of brands trying to turn it around: Gap is experimenting with a "Results-Only Work Environment" in which "employees are empowered to work whenever and wherever they want as long as the work gets done." Were guessing it's not quite as fun as that sounds. Because we can fold from a bar just fine. [BW]
• The skint Lacroix has a number of "suitors of means." Await reports on possible saviors. [WWD]
• Well, this one will work for sure: new cellulite-busting tights have crystals in the weave that'll shear the bumps right off. [Daily Mail]
• Tommy Hilfiger is a rebel: his new flagship is on Fifth Avenue. "Donna, Ralph, Calvin, Oscar, Michael? They're all on Madison," a block away, he declares. [Style.com]
• British psychiatrists are warning that London Fashion Week, with its accompanying trigger for ED-prone girls who regard the models as "thinspiration." [Telegraph]
• Meanwhile, anti-sweatshop protesters are taking on the tents. Celeb faces of "Love Fashion Hate Sweatshops" include Gael Garcia Bernal. [Mirror]
• At Peter Som's show, "the especially young models, perched in shiny chrome or deep-blue pumps, posed in groups of three on white pedestals while the crowd milled below them." The designer was inspired by "cruise ships, antique photographs and Japanese prints." [Observer]
• Isaac Mizrahi, meanwhile, celebrated his return to Fashion Week with the theme "Astaire Case or Obstacle Course." [Yahoo]
• Celebrity stylist Philip Bloch is filling the need for another style manual. The Shopping Diet: Spending Less and Getting More is, he says, "something all of us shopaholic recessionistas need — a self-help on excess shopping." [NY Post]
• Inevitably, teens can now buy a copy of the prom dress Bella Swan wore in Twilight - from the very town where Bella got hers! Can a vampire escort be far behind? [NYDN]

• Two weeks after adding Nicolas Cage's home to his sheaf of L.A. properties, Ed Hardy designer Christian Audigier has announced he's moving into Michael Jackson's last residence. Audigier will rent the $38 million home from his C.E.O., Hubert Guez. [E!]

• The glove the late King of Pop wore to marry Debbie Rowe has sold at auction for $49,000. [TMZ]
• "I love Japan. I love the people, the shopping, the fashion. I think they have so much fun with fashion...they don't take it too seriously," says Nicky Hilton. Don't take fashion seriously? Because insanely awesome and carefully cultivated street fashion just happens. [WWD]
  
• Mad Men's Christina Hendricks tells InStyle Weddings about her planned wedding to actor Geoffrey Arend, and specifies the designer (Carolina Herrera) and the look (Sophia Loren) of her wedding dress, but doesn't let it be photographed. [People]
• Lily Cole is a model, who is also (very) smart. The Daily Mail took a break from publishing finger-wagging paparazzi photos of her and scurrilous scuttlebutt about her to notice these facts. [Daily Mail]
• Nanette Lepore would like you to remember Labor Day by saving New York's Garment District from rapacious commercial exploitation. [NYTimes]
• Juicy Couture co-founder Gela Nash-Taylor doesn't drink out of common Starbucks cups. She has her own paper cups, because "I'm so into monogramming. I'm doing it on everything right now." [ToL]
• More than 800 stores across all five boroughs are involved in Thursday's shopping-with-fun event, Fashion's Night Out in New York City. Other regional and international events are also planned. [BrandWeek]
• Karl Lagerfeld will be tending the Chanel store with Carine Roitfeld in Paris, for example. [WWD]
• R.J. Cutler's documentary, The September Issue took in more than a quarter of a million dollars over Labor Day weekend. The $40,000 per-screen average makes it the fifth-highest-grossing documentary ever made. [AdAge]
• Meanwhile, Studio 360's Kurt Anderson says that based on the film, the fashion world is "amazingly old-fashioned, like some royal artifact from the 18th Century." [Studio360]
• The Los Angeles Times says the film "charts the intersection of art and commerce with a perhaps inadvertent eye for an excess that wasn't to last." (I am quoted in this article, proving that if you write long enough and, well, long enough on the Internet, someday someone will mistake you for an expert in something.) [LATimes]
• Anna Wintour, for her part, says that complaining about the sea change in the fashion industry that has taken place since the filming of that documentary is "like talking about that house you could've bought for nothing on the beach in Southhampton. Forget it. It's gone. The amazing golden years that everyone in the industry was enjoying were fantastic from a business point of view but also maybe a little unseemly. Every celebrity thought she could be a designer, and how many handbags? How many shoes? How much of a thing does everyone really need?" Then Wintour goes to the Macy's in Queens where she will be — on Mayor Bloomberg's orders that the event not smack of elitism — kicking off Fashion's Night Out, and upon surveying the scene, asks in a horrified voice, "Can we...enhance?" [NYMag]
• Sixteen months of declining same-store sales at the department store chain might make the budget for those "enhancements" leaner, however. [BW]
• And retailers in general, after an apocalyptic fall and winter, and a barely-improved spring and summer, are hungry for the fall sales boost that events like Fashion's Night Out are aiming to provide. [WWD]
• WWD has a beautiful, subscription-only, series of photographs of various New York designers as they prepare for fashion week. Alex Wang looks radiant and un-stressed, but the same can't be said of the male models snapped lining up for a casting at Yigal Azrouël. [WWD]
• Naomi Campbell would like to point out, for all those who called her hypocritical for modeling fur in Dennis Basso's fall campaign, that she actually quit PETA years ago. So her hypocrisy has weathered a few seasons now — like a vintage mink. [SB]
• More bad news for Annie Leibovitz: the practically-bankrupt photographer is being sued by an Italian photographer, Paolo Pizzetti, who claims that Leibovitz used his pictures without consent — or payment — for a Lavazza coffee campaign. Since Leibovitz could not travel to Italy to complete the shoot, which features images of models in romantic poses in front of Italian landmarks like the Trevi fountain and the Piazza San Marco, she had Pizzetti scout locations and take snapshots for her. Then Leibovitz shot the models in a New York studio, and digitally stitched the fore- and backgrounds together. Pizzetti says he was never paid for the rights to his contributions. [AW]
• Lady Gaga is reportedly set to perform during New York Fashion Week at an after-party for Givenchy hosted by Out magazine and to be held at The Box. [WWD]
• On the night of the 13th in New York, a short teaser film for Spring '10 by Gareth Pugh will be screened at Milk studios' M.A.C.-sponsored fashion shows in Chelsea. Although the first screening will be invitation-only, the second is open to members of the public who register on M.A.C.'s Facebook page. [Style.com]
• And newly-minted director Christian Louboutin just wrapped filming on an advertisement for Piper-Heidseick champagne starring model Elisa Sednaoui. [WWD]
• Manolo Blahnik says he never wanted to be a celebrity designer, and blames Sex And The City for his unwilling transformation. "If people talk to me about Sex And The City, I get sick," he told the Telegraph. "The taxi drivers recognize me now. It becomes too much and I don't feel comfortable." [PC]
• Sojin Lee's new online fashion venture, Fashionair, has launched. Lee last worked for Net-A-Porter, and her backer is Simon Fuller's company. [Forbes]
• Giorgio Armani designed a custom costume for a Spanish matador. It's grey and spangled. [Telegraph]
• Despite growing sales, profits for 2008 at Armani shrank by 41.4%, to $188.3 million. [WWD]
• Harold Tillman, a British fashion businessman who already owns Jaeger, has apparently acquired the bankrupt house Acquascutum. [ElleUK]
• Tom Binns for Disney might seem like a weird combination, because, well, it's a weird combination. [WWD]
• The Ebony Fashion Fair, an important industry event for black designers and models, is canceling its fall tour. The largest traveling fashion show in the world, Ebony helped launch the careers of talents like Kevan Hall and Tracey Reese, and raised money for various local and national charities including the NAACP and the Urban League. The economy is the culprit. [Examiner]
• Milan Fashion Week has been thrown into "chaos" by a series of re-schedulings to avoid schedule conflicts, which begat new conflicts and new re-schedulings, and then yet more conflicts and re-schedulings. [WWD]

• Model Liskula Cohen has confronted the woman revealed as the author of a hate-blog directed against her. Cohen told the woman that she forgave her, but the blogger did not apologize — probably because a defamation suit is pending. [P6]

• Brett Favre is going to be the new face, and presumably butt, of Wrangler jeans. [WWD]
• Marc Jacobs and Lorenzo Martone are reportedly eloping to Massachusetts this weekend. [P6]
• Elisabeth Moss, who plays Peggy Olsen on Mad Men, is sick of wearing mustard, says costume designer Janie Bryant. [W]
• Stella McCartney's perfume, Stellanude, will launch as planned, because Ali Hewson's court bid to prevent it has failed. Hewson runs a company called Nude Brands, and markets a line of skincare under the Nude trademark. [Telegraph]
• The headline — "David Bailey: Still Snapping Away At 71" — might as well just read "David Bailey, Amazingly, Still Alive." But the legendary British photographer actually has plenty to say on the topics of retouching and American Vogue: "D'you know any model over the age of 23 has to be touched up these days. Twenty-three? It's fucking ridiculous but that's what you have to do for American Vogue and it's getting to be the same over here." [ToL]
• Anna Wintour personally approves every photo published by Vogue's blog. [The Cut]
• Meanwhile, sources say that Vogue attracted early attention from the consultants McKinsey because they believe it is a model of a larger Condé Nast title, and that the lessons learned from studying Vogue will be applicable to other magazines. Vogue, representative? More likely it drew the money-savers' eyes first because of its legendary profligacy. [NYObs]
• Michelle Obama's principal hairstylist says, "I believe hair is a language, if it's not moving it has no voice." [W]
• Meanwhile, is there any reason Simon Doonan might be measuring the White House drapes? Or shall we just assume the Obamas have hired the wittiest interior designer ever? [VF]
• Ed Hardy designer Christian Audigier says there will be no Jon Gosselin clothing line. And we were so hoping. [E!]
• Sex-era Vivienne Westwood punk clothing is so popular that people are counterfeiting it now, a generation later. Three people were arrested in London and charged with fraud for allegedly selling clothing they claimed had come from Malcolm McLaren and Westwood's infamous store. [WWD]
• If you want to be an It Girl, Refinery29 created a handy charticle for your edification. It helps if you have the Cobrasnake's number. [Refiner29]
• Mario Grauso, the president of Puig Fashion Group, which owns Carolina Herrera and Nina Ricci, among other houses, is rumored to be resigning. [WWD]
• This fashion blind item is kind of generic, but anyway: "Which designer won't be showing in the Tent this year, like he usually does? Rumor has it he'll send his gorgeous gowns down the Salon's runway instead." Could be almost anyone, in this economy. But perhaps it's Zac Posen? [Fashionista]
• Earlier this month, the Michael Kors boutique on Prince Street in SoHo was burgled. A man distracted the security guard at the neighboring Apple store and made off with $13,000 worth of merchandise. [Villager]
• Pop-up stores are barely news these days, but if Rodarte is doing one at Colette in Paris this October, and selling DVDs of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and stuffed knit animals, that actually sounds cool. [WWD]
• Two men have now been arrested in connection with the $66 million jewelry robbery at the Graff store in London. [NYTimes]
• The Humane Society wants the FTC to investigate Bergdorf's and Neiman Marcus for allegedly mislabeling fur products. The Society alleges that both stores sold Manolo Blahnik boots made from ocelot fur, an endangered species. [WWD]
• The Limited's second quarter profit declined by 27% on last year's numbers. [WSJ]
• L.L. Bean is shaking things up with a new creative director, Rogues Gallery's Alex Carleton. [NYTimes]
• The Buckle has continued its trend of positive results, despite the recession. The last quarter saw its profits rise 12% on the same period last year, to $25 million. [WSJ]

Those of you who watched the return of Jon and Kate Plus 8 may have noticed that the network blurred out all of Gosselin's Ed Hardy gear, leaving him to wander around on screen with all of his badass insignia covered up. So sad! How will anyone know that he's totally not going through a midlife crisis now?

Jon's clothes aren't the only problem, a source tells Radar, and the blurring was meant to not-so-subtly let him know that they aren't very happy with him right now: "TLC feels like they are being used by Jon. They want to send him a message loud and clear."

Perhaps if the network really wanted to send Jon Gosselin a message that they, like most of us in America, are tired of his shit, they should CANCEL the show itself. TLC may feel like they're being used, but that's a bit hard to swallow coming from a network that continues to air episodes of a "family" show even as the family unravels in a very public and very icky way. Gosselin's behavior, and the circus surrounding himself, his wife, and sadly, his children, may be offputting, but that circus never would have been there to begin with if the network hadn't pushed it on the rest of us.

For now, it's just the shirts that are being erased from our screens. But one hopes that the entire program isn't far behind.

Exclusive: Jon Gosselin Now Has Bad Marriage With TLC [Radar Online]

Earlier: Jon Gosselin: "It's Not A Midlife Crisis!

[Image via INFDaily.]

• Barneys' Simon Doonan: "Criticizing Ed Hardy for being cheesy is like saying that Elvis was 'flashy' or that Liberace was 'tacky.' It's a giant case of DUH! Of course it's cheesy! That's the whole point, you doo-doo heads." [NY Observer]

• "Ed Hardy is fromage-y and hedonistic and naughty and badass and-the ultimate crime in the world of haute fashion — Ed Hardy is FUN!" Doonan, in his entertaining op-ed dissection of the concept of "good taste," paused to riff on Christian Audigier's design efforts. "The unrestrained, bedazzled, heavy-metal-goes-Bollywood aesthetic rivals the gaudy heyday of Gianni Versace. Instead of knocking it, the style arbiters of the world should be grateful. Monsieur Audigier has done a real mitzvah to the insecure fashion cognoscenti: He has given them something about which to feel superior. If Ed Hardy did not exist, they would have to invent it in order to get their snooty fix." Also, "popped his sabots" is the best euphemism for dying, ever. [NYObs]
• Cynthia Rowley is starting a kids' line. [Stylelist]
• Comme des Garçons' Osaka store is inaugurating a floor that will serve as an art gallery with a show by Yayoi Kusama. [WWD]
• Kate Moss's fourth women's fragrance, Vintage, launches this September, and the ads are coming out now. [NowSmellThis]
• Apparently, when a woman cuts her hair after a breakup, that's called a "breakover." Who knew? [Glamour]
• All those who remember fondly the extraordinary 26-page Daphne Guinness spread from Vogue Italia's September, 2008, issue, rejoice: the couture-loving heiress and photographer Steven Klein have teamed up again, and have another 20+ page editorial coming in Vogue Italia's September issue. Guinness says this one will be "moodier" and is inspired by a cult French film from the 60s, though she won't name which one. [Style.com]
• "Everybody thought they had to spend money. They thought it was a new way of life. Now they're rubbing the dust out of their eyes. ‘I don't need that handbag. What was I doing?' " said a brave, but anonymous, Condé Nast editor to Cathy Horyn. [NYTimes]
• Christina Binkley of the Wall Street Journal reports on a well-known industry secret: that the same firms who supply raw materials, and in some cases manufacture, for high-end brands also sell the same items to more down-market brands. Binkley compares a $1,750 cardigan sweater made in Italy by the Quarano, Piedmont, wool company Loro Piano, and a $145 J. Crew cardigan "spun from supersoft, luxurious Italian cashmere from a world-famous mill in the foothills of Piedmont." Lesson: some less-expensive brands still take immense care in their sourcing. [WSJ]
• Which may just be why CFDA executive director Steven Kolb became a J. Crew fan on Facebook. [FWD]
• A gaggle of minor celebrities — some dude who was in a Britney Spears video, the guy from North Dakota who plays Emmett Cullen in Twilight, etc — availed themselves of a pre-season event at French Connection in Los Angeles. Instead of merely being given bags of free clothes to wear when waiting for the paparazzi, the store embarrassed them by making them all play French Connection-themed Twister, whatever that is. [WWD]
• Dania Ramirez, a.k.a. Maya on Heroes, is a newly minted Covergirl. [People]
• Footwear brand Penny Loves Kenny has filed for bankruptcy protection. The company founder, Kenny Robinson, explained the filing as a tactical move in a 6-year legal battle with two China-based agents, and said he expects the brand to emerge intact in 3-6 months. [WWD]
• Philip Lim stepped into his SoHo boutique last weekend and helped some customers find the right sizes and pick out flattering items — all without telling them who he was. Then some fashion-savvy shoppers blew his cover. If more designers did thoughtful things like that, they'd certainly sell more clothes. [Fashionista]
• Burberry's second store in Canada, and its first in Toronto, opens this Friday. [WWD]
• Benetton's profits fell 63% in the first half of this year. [WWD]
• Barneys New York is putting a brave face on its 13 months — and counting — without a C.E.O., its double-digit sales declines, and its recent credit rating downgrade, to Caa3, for "very high investment risk." The company recently received $25 million from parent company Istithmar World Capital to shore up liquidity, and this week it hired an asset management company to help it restructure its $500 million debt. [WWD]

• Model turned cookbook author Sophie Dahl is getting her own cooking show on BBC 2. Dahl says her show will cover on the "emotional" side of food. "It's cooking with an anecdotal thread, irreverent, unpredictable and not without flaw." [Sun]

• Tilda Swinton will be the Spring 2010 face of Pringle of Scotland. Ryan McGinley, who's also behind the current Levi's 501s campaign, will shoot the ads, and a short film featuring the actress. [WWD]
• Target reps denied that Anna Sui's upcoming collection for the retailer was in trouble for its Gossip Girl theme. (Rumors had circulated earlier this week that Sui's clothes were set to be worn by extras in a scene for an upcoming episode, but that executives at the chain were made uncomfortable by the teen soap's debauchery.) The Sui collection hits stores on September 14. [Stylelist]
• And nor, apparently, is it true that Kate Moss is going to be a part of Sir Philip Green and Simon Cowell's new global entertainment company. [WWD]
• Forever 21 is expanding into homewares and beauty. [WWD]
• Three armed men robbed a Cartier store in Cannes and got away — so far — with $20.9 million worth of jewels. [WWD]
• Two biographies of the late editor/muse Isabella Blow, who committed suicide in 2007 after failing several earlier attempts, are slated for release next year. Detmar Blow, her widower, is co-writing one with Tom Sykes, brother of the mostly intolerable Vogue scribe Plum. Fashion writer Lauren Goldstein Crowe is working on another. [NYObs]
• Frederic Bourke, the co-founder of Dooney & Bourke, remains the company chairman even after his conviction on conspiracy charges for his role in an investment group that bribed Azerbaijani officials with hundreds of millions of dollars. The investment group was seeking preferential consideration for its bid for the Azeri state-owned oil company, and although he beat money-laundering charges, Bourke now faces up to 10 years in prison and a $500,000 fine. "This is indeed an unfortunate situation," said Dooney & Bourke's lawyer, Thomas McAndrew. "It's tragic for Mr. Bourke. Our thoughts and prayers go out to his family." [WWD]
• Everyone loves falling models. You've probably seen most of these — but there is one nasty spill from a Gharani Strok show we hadn't witnessed before. [Modelinia]
• The Project Runway model spin-off show that the producers have been threatening for ages now is a reality. Called Models of the Runway, the hour-long reality show will air after every episode of Project Runway's sixth season. [SassyBella]
• Amber Rose, who's now with Ford's celebrity division, has two Polaroids on Confessions Of A Casting Director. No word yet on the kinds of bookings she's attracting. [COACD]
• Karlie Kloss, on bagging the campaign for Marc Jacobs' fragrance Lola: "I didn't believe it, to be honest. I was shocked. I was like, 'No, you're kidding me. Me? Marc Jacobs knows my name?!' I was convinced that they accidentally drew my name out of hat or something." [W]
• Doutzen Kroes likes to read the New York Times. And Dutch papers: "I always try to keep up with what's going on in my own country too," said the model. "You have to!" [StyleFile]
• Times Critical Shopper Cintra Wilson, on Marni: "What I like best about Marni is that it gives a fashionable girl a creative direction if men finally dismay her past the point of no return. It provides a high-fashion shelter for those too badly scorched and shell-shocked by the battle of the sexes to return to the field. When you've really had it up to your push-up bra with the unfair sex, there may come a day when you stop waxing your legs and start hand-painting your car, brewing your own tattoo inks and converting your dining room into an abandoned-pet shelter — and Marni will be there for you." [NYTimes]
• Guiseppe Zanotti might be entering the mens footwear market. [WWD]
• Of course Alberta Ferretti has a sickeningly beautiful Italian country home. [FWD]
• Bebe is phasing out all Bebe Sport merchandise and stores. The replacement brand, targeting "value-oriented consumer spending," will be called PH8. [WWD]
• UK retail behemoth Asda's George line is offering deals on school uniforms that start at just £4.50. (Competitor Tesco's uniforms start at £3.75.) Asda's come with a money back guarantee against holes, rips, or untreatable stains — that occur within the first 100 days of purchase. Fast fashion really is a race to the bottom. [ToL]
• Supposedly, Jon Gosselin and Hailey Glassman's children's clothing line for Ed Hardy is back on. Christian Audigier, who earlier denied the project, told E! that it "should be" happening. [E!]
• Jack McCollough and Lazaro Hernandez of Proenza Schouler even took on the task of finding advertisers when they agreed to curate an issue of the Belgian title A Magazine. "They don't really have a staff when they hand you over the magazine," said Hernandez, "They're just like, ‘Here you go, now do it!'" At the launch party, cover star Chloë Sevigny turned up in a black leather Proenza Schouler jumpsuit. "I feel a bit like a super-slut superhero," she said. [NYObs]
• Simon Doonan: "I think the future of fashion lies in the hands of the consumer. All the press, art direction, hype and red-carpet celebs do not amount to anything at the end of the day if the customer is not on board. When Anna Wintour announced "Fashion's Night Out," I let out a loud cheer. Ms. Wintour is smart enough to understand it's time to swing the spotlight away from the front-row celebs and back into the fitting room. The customer is king…or queen." In the same interview, the Barney's creative director called not having a C.E.O. " a colossal drag." [WWD]
• An auction for bankrupt company Eddie Bauer's assets is taking place this Thursday, and VF Corp has announced its intention to bid. VF owns outdoorsy brands like The North Face, Eastpak, JanSport, and Eagle Creek. The successful bidder is expected to keep the 89-year-old retailer Eddie Bauer in operation. [WWD]
• Levi's lost money during its second quarter because of 3% drop in sales — but it still intends to keep opening new stores. [WSJ]
• In fact, everyone's opening boutiques like it's going out of style. Miu Miu just cut the ribbons on its first footholds in China and Turkey. [WWD]
• And Versace just opened its largest Middle Eastern store, a 6,480-sq. ft. shop in a Dubai mall. [WWD]
• Adjusted for exchange rate fluctuation, Burberry revenues sank 4% on last year during the second quarter. The company has already cut about 15% of its workforce. [Reuters]
• H&M;s June same-store sales fell a larger-than-expected 5%. [WWD]
• Wholesale prices on U.S.-made apparel fell 0.2% from May to June, but this June's prices were still 1.3% higher on last year's. [WWD]

1.) She's good at finding hiding spots... you know, in case of paparazzi.


2.) Hailey's father [right] performed a tummy tuck — free of charge — on Kate Gosselin, at the request of his wife [left], who was a huge fan of Jon and Kate Plus 8, and noticed that Kate's stomach became stretched after carrying six babies at once. Hailey's parents were on an episode of JAKP8 (in which Kate gets plastic surgery). Her mom seemed like a crazed fan, saying to the camera, "I can't wait to meet [Kate] today. She's somebody I'd love to help, I'm going to help. Kate is a very outgoing person. Kate is very friendly. I mean, from hello you feel like you've known her. She's like a girlfriend without even knowing her."


3.) She's willing to help a bud out.


4.) She has a mugshot. Us is reporting that in 2005 (when Hailey was an 18-year-old college student in Indiana), she was arrested in a parking lot at three in the morning, after an officer saw Hailey and her friends passing around a pipe "consistent with marijuana." (The case was settled out of court.)


5.) Her Facebook boxes are also consistent with marijuana.


6.) She's into words of motivation. The synopsis of her favorite book seems really applicable to her BF's sitch: "This story is about adjusting attitudes toward change in life, especially at work. Change occurs whether a person is ready or not, but the author affirms that it can be positive. His principles are to anticipate change, let go of the old, and do what you would do if you were not afraid."


7.) She's into this photo of her self.


8.) She's into dudes.


9.) Hailey's friends are learning how to deal with all of this.

• The UK supermarket chain Asda has knocked off the Fall '09 Balmain dress that Kate Moss wore out dancing — and burst the seams of — two months ago. Asda's version costs just £16. [Telegraph]

• Frederic Bourke, the co-founder of Dooney & Bourke, has been found guilty of conspiracy and faces up to 10 years in prison. Bourke, 63, was part of a group of investors who spent hundreds of millions bribing officials in Azerbaijan during the late 1990s, in order to ensure its bid for the state oil company would be accepted when the asset was privatized. Bourke even arranged for medical treatment in New York City for two corrupt officials from the former Soviet republic. The investment group was run by Viktor Kozeny, a Czech financier who earned the nickname "the Pirate of Prague" for his aggressive, and sometimes illegal, tactics in buying up formerly state-owned assets across the former Soviet Bloc. Kozeny and Bourke were, naturally, neighbors in Aspen. The handbag company executive was acquitted on money-laundering charges but in addition to jail time, he still risks up to $500,000 in fines for the conspiracy conviction. [WWD]
• Convicted rapist designer Anand Jon has fired his attorney and is seeking to represent himself through his appeals process. This should end well. [HindustaniTimes]
• Anna Sui's Target line was set to be featured Gossip Girl, according to sources from the production, but executives at the retailer changed their minds because of the debauched nature of the show. Extras were going to be wearing Sui's Target collection in a scene to be filmed at Sui's store, and there were even going to be Target logos in the background — but no more, since all the characters do drugs and get drunk and Serena killed that dude. [NYDN]
• British Vogue has pictures of all the sumptuous costumes from Coco Avant Chanel. [British Vogue]
• Matt Tyrnauer, the documentarian who spent years making Valentino: The Last Emperor, says the designer was "Difficult." Imagine that. [NYP]
• Elie Tahari and his wife, Rory, were profiled by Town & Country magazine, and said a lot of tone-deaf things about their 9,000 sq. ft. SoHo triplex penthouse. "SoHo is like our Hamptons away from the Hamptons," says Rory. Have a nice recession, reader! Hope you still have a job. [The Awl]
• Not only does everything give you cancer, according to a television doctor, everyone will get cancer. "Cancer has affected my family and me," says a cheerful Patrick Dempsey. "It's going to affect everybody. Its [sic] just a matter of time." Dempsey's new Nike campaign meanwhile features "an innovative technology piece with the Chalkbot, a mobile unit that will receive messages from consumers (via e-mail and text) and transcribe them in yellow chalk along the roads of the Tour de France." We can imagine so many ways that could go wrong, all of them entertaining. [LATimes]
• Richard Tyler's iconic red dress uniform for Delta only goes up to a size 18. [BlackBook]
• The reason Ali Wise, Dolce & Gabbana's New York publicist, hacked into designer Nina Freudenberger's voicemail? A boy. Freudenberger says she dated Downtown Records founder Josh Deutsch two years after Wise did — and five other Deutsch ladyfriends claim the publicist subjected them to harassment and hacking, too. One was so freaked she contacted a private investigator. Wise spent the night in jail after being arrested on felony hacking charges. [Daily Intel]
• Mary Kay is suing Yahoo! for providing keyword-generated ads with links to its products via Yahoo! Mail. Mary Kay only sells directly to consumers, and feels its brand image and trademarks are negatively impacted by unauthorized online sales. [WWD]
• Meanwhile, Maybelline might become the official cosmetics sponsor of New York Fashion Week. [WWD]
• Project Runway's Leanne Marshall talked to Blogging Project Runway about her line for Bluefly (now on sale) and her future plans as a designer. Marshall didn't mention the blog post she wrote last month about her frustrations working with Bluefly, but she did talk about this one time she tried to make shoes with a pair of old flip-flops and a hot glue gun. [BPR]
• Jason Wu's doll business is going gangbusters. The slight designer used to moonlight as a drafter for doll companies, and now that he's made it big, he gets to produce limited-edition dolls in tiny versions of his signature line. In addition to producing dolls for Colette in Paris (215 Euros) and Jeffrey NY (price unavailable), he's also doing a version for Japan that'll cost a cool grand. [Stylefile]
• For 215 Euros, if you were perchance Christian Lacroix, you could have paid the top models Vlada Roslyakova, Hanne Gaby Odiele, Daria Strokous, and Siri Tollerød to walk in your couture show, and still had enough left over to buy lunch. [Imaginary Socialite]
• Jon Gosselin hasn't been wearing all those Ed Hardy shirts out of the goodness of his heart, or the keenness of his fashion sense. [TMZ]
  li>For some reason, the Telegraph decided to run an Anya Hindmarch press release in its style section. The accessories MBE's latest "invention"? The "hands-free handbag," a small handbag with a long, resizable, removable strap. It can be worn across the body "so it becomes part of you, instead of being a nuisance," or, get this, it can be carried inside a larger bag like a pocketbook! Innovative. [Telegraph]
• Giorgio Armani's home division is doing the interiors for a 62-apartment historic redevelopment project in Rome. [Reuters]
• Sounds like Escada's refinancing plan isn't going so well: The German luxury goods company only has enough liquidity to last through August, and it may cease trading. [AFP]
• The September issues of the ladymags are all closing this week, and indications are that they'll be about one third lighter than last year. Cash-strapped retailers and luxury brands have sharply cut their ad spending so far this year, and the September issues, normally the fashion magazine industry's fattest cash cows, will be no exception. [WWD]
• Mickey Drexler, the man who made The Gap what it was in the 90s and J. Crew what it is today, sometimes pedals around the office on his bike. [CBS]
• Or perhaps the credit for the classic brand's rejuvenation should be shared with creative director Jenna Lyons. [LATimes]
• Punky Brewster has a kids clothing line. [People]

Ed Hardy gear can be found on everyone from Britney Spears to Hulk Hogan to Paris Hilton to the brand's newest "hot" ambassador, Jon Gosselin, who apparently reps the brand's sailor-tattoo punk aesthetic, for what says "rebel" more than a man who rose to fame as the father of eight children on a reality show for TLC?

Gosselin is the Ed Hardy brand's biggest celeb endorser right now, and the company was classy enough to showcase this by putting up the cover of US Weekly with a picture of a crying Kate Gosselin and the words "Kate's Private Hell," so that when one clicks on the picture, they are greeted with a clip from the magazine that shows Jon wearing Ed Hardy clothing and talking about how much he's changed. Ooh, that rebellious "I won't get a real tattoo, but I'll wear it on my shirt" spirit! Get me some of that, will you!?

The company is so taken with Gosselin that he is reportedly now in Paris to meet with the creative director, Christian Audigier, in order to discuss a possible clothing line for his 23-year-old girlfriend, Hailey Glassman. Charming! It's awesome how much time one has to fly to Paris to discuss flip-flop lines with tiger faces and flames all over them when one suddenly doesn't have 8 children to deal with anymore, isn't it? Rebel, rebel!

Perhaps it is just my personal experience, but whenever I see someone in Ed Hardy gear, I groan. To me, it represents the destruction of the purpose of tattoos in the first place; it's a temporary way to display what is meant to be a permanent art form. It's also just stupid looking most of the time: Jon Gosselin is 32 years old. Why is he walking around with tigers on the back of his jeans? Yes, I've heard Ed Hardy stuff is comfortable. I heard the same excuses about Juicy sweatpants back in the day, but it didn't stop me from frowning when I saw women walking around with the word "Juicy" written on their butts.

As I said, I am not a fashionable person, so my opinion on such matters is probably meaningless. But style aside, there is something really shady about holding Jon Gosselin up as some ambassador of cool or rebellion. It makes it seem as though he's ditched that ol' ball-and-chain wife and kids thing and embraced his inner psuedo-biker dude, which is a bunch of stereotypical bs and only serves to promote my argument that any company that prides itself on catering to douchebags deserves any douchebag label it gets.

Jon Gosselin Takes Girlfriend To France And He's Working On A Business Deal For Her [Radar Online]
[Ed Hardy]

• Posh and Becks are in an underwear ad, together! David seems to be deep in thought, perhaps pondering the wisdom of letting Armani give him hair that belongs on a Lego newscaster. Narrate Victoria's inner monologue in the comments! [Telegraph]

• Keira Knightley is still the face of Coco Mademoiselle. She gives great sexyface in the new ad. [Sassybella]
• Two designers you have never heard of are looking forward to seeing Brüno when it opens on July 10. [AP]
• Kanye's Louis Vuitton's sneakers — which came into stores very suddenly yesterday, with no pre-announced release date to build the excitement — have already sold out. How come? Sneakerheads, Louis Vuitton nerds, and Kanye fans have been on a waiting list for the kicks since January. If you want some of the $840-$1,140 shoes, the Louis Vuitton store will put your name on a "wish list" in case more become available. But don't hold your breath. [The Cut]
• Diane von Furstenberg is accused of polluting the Meatpacking District with her signature scent. Allegedly, the perfume emanating from her W. 14th St. headquarters' ventilation system is overpowering; one passerby called the perfume "putrid, awful . . . something you'd find on a 60-year-old matron." And a receptionist at a nearby eye clinic said patients had complained. [P6]
• Real Housewife Kelly Bensimon has a jewelry line, produced with Mouawad, the same company that does Nicole Richie's House of Harlow 1960. Of her character on her popular reality show, she says, "I think that because I'm so down-to-earth they're like, 'Okay we have to pump her up a little bit because otherwise people are not going to believe'...If they want me to be some kind of crazy socialite, I'm not a socialite. I'm a working girl, a single mom." As for the jewelry, which is priced at $32-$336 and is based on pavé geometric designs, Bensimon explains her inspiration thus: "I love Navajo and I love the idea of taking Pocahontas out of the kayak and putting her into the disco." Also, there are snakes in the form of bracelets and rings, which may or may not have something to do with Milton. [W]
• Los Angeles designers really, really wish their fashion week — limping on since the departure of sponsors IMG, Mercedes-Benz, and Smashbox Studios — could join the Big Four. But all the best L.A. designers — Band of Outsiders, Rodarte, Trina Turk, Monique Lhuillier — seem to show in New York. [WSJ]
• Ending the tide of good news for London Fashion week is the withdrawal of Aquascutum. The iconic English label has been put up for sale by its parent company, Japan-based Renown, after a buy-out bid by Aquascutum management was rejected. [WWD]
• Donatella Versace attended an event at the Whitney where children with chronic or life-threatening illnesses drew pictures for her. The sketches chosen by Versace will be featured on limited-edition Versace tote bags, to be sold for $200-$250 via Gilt Groupe this fall. No word on how much the kids will make from their intellectual property. [Style.com]
• This is just too weird. Ed Hardy CEO Hubert Guez owns Michael Jackson's Holmby Hills house and grounds. Jackson was renting the 7-bedroom, 13-bathroom French chateau-style manse for $100,000 a month. Now, maker of tacky Ed Hardy t-shirts Christian Audigier is moving in. [TMZ]
• Now that it has a designer in London-based (but New York-relocating) Marios Schwab, Halston can do things like sign multi-million-dollar distribution deals for its wares. [WWD]
• Meanwhile, Kate Gosselin's clothing project with Healthtex is on hold. [Radaronline]
• Uniqlo's same-store sales rose 6.4% in June. [WWD]
• Polo Ralph Lauren has extended its deal to dress the U.S. Olympic team through the winter games next year and the summer games of 2012. [WSJ]
• To mark its 120th anniversary, the house of Lanvin is releasing a line of limited-edition commemorative items, including hand-painted porcelain figurines of its mother-daughter logo. There'll also be notebooks, music boxes, paper weights, and embroidered t-shirts. No word on prices yet. [WWD]
• LVMH bought a large stake in the organic, sustainably-produced clothing company Edun, so PPR is sponsoring — to the tune of 10 million Euros — a film about the environment. [WSJ]
• A pink wireless mouse with gold accents, made by Juicy Couture, costs $55 at Neiman Marcus. Is it terrible that we would have expected it to be more of a rip-off? [FWD]
• Just released is a new issue of WWWWD, the fashion periodical that feels so real it's got to be fake. This edition is all about men, so expect jokes on bromance, Kris Van Assche, Ed Westwick, and a nice rip on Olivier Zahm for good measure. [WWWWD]

• It had to happen eventually. David Beckham has dipped a toe in the choppy waters of retail, becoming a Celebrity Designer. You can buy his clothes for Adidas Originals starting this fall. [WWD]

• Madonna allegedly got her friend Marc Jacobs to write the INS and say model boy-toy Jesus Luz was a necessity to his label and deserved a US work permit. [Daily Express]
• Jesus Luz also had a rough time backstage at his last runway gig, the Jeffrey Fashion Cares AIDS benefit in New York. Says one backstage source, "None of the other models would talk to Jesus or even look at him. They were gossiping like catty girls about how they couldn't wait for his career to fizzle out." The other male models, see, feel that Luz has been given unfair advantages because of his relationship with Madonna. Which is absolutely true, and absolutely beside the point, since any modeling career is built on lucky breaks that harden into unfair advantages. Normally models understand this better than anyone. [NYDN]
• Brides.com had Project Runway sprite Christian Siriano design fantasy dresses for celebrity brides-to-be Uma Thurman, Amy Adams, Zooey Deschanel, and Rachel Bilson. Surprise: They're all about "drama"! [Brides.com]
• Forever 21 is close to opening its 19,000 square foot flagship in Tokyo. [WWD]
• Ed Hardy is now a wine you can drink. I actually noticed this about a month ago, when I dropped by my favorite bottle store one afternoon and was greeted by the owner straightening a display of $10 bottles festooned with skulls; he said branding maestro Christian Audigier's vodka ranks with Ketel One, but that only the Cabernet Sauvignon is worth trying, among the wines. The rest, he said, breaking down a box covered in giant dripping daggers and tiger heads, are too sweet. I bought a Portuguese red and walked home, thinking troubled thoughts about branding and its increasingly oblique relationship to any given product's essential qualities. [LA Times]
• Which, if you think about it, is also the operating principle behind: Rebecca Taylor Cupcakes. [FWD]
• Troubled department store Barneys has announced an exclusive lower-priced menswear line by Paul Smith. Suits, basics, and shirts will cost 20-30% less than the same items from the Paul Smith collection. Smith must be a busy man; this collection is on top of a sheaf of brands that includes Paul Smith London, Paul Smith Jeans, PS Paul Smith, Paul Smith Blue, Paul Smith Black. There are just so many ways to sell monkey t-shirts. [WWD]
• Woman buys $700 Louis Vuitton Speedy size 30. Woman receives Louis Vuitton Speedy size 25. Woman returns the wrong sized bag. Louis Vuitton refuses the return, claiming it found a single human hair inside. Woman processes credit-card chargeback. And people wonder why the "luxury" industry is in trouble. [Consumerist]
• Peter Som has had one of the roughest times in fashion as of late. After being fired from Bill Blass, the talented designer he launched his own line, only to have his financial backers beat a hasty retreat as the retail climate turned frosty last fall. Still, Marymount College gave him their designer of the year award and invited him to speak at their annual graduate fashion show. I hope the award came with some money attached, so the man can get back to making beautiful women's clothes. [WWD]
• The creative director of Sonia Rykiel has left the company, after fewer than 18 months in charge. Gabrielle Greiss, who worked as Sonia Rykiel's chief assistant for three years before taking over the creative direction of the brand, will be replaced by a design team overseen by company president Nathalie Rykiel. [British Vogue]
• Zac Posen recreated his fall runway show at a Houston Saks Fifth Avenue for charity. And for "market research." [WWD]
• Banana Republic hired an Italian-trained menswear creative director away from Brooks Brothers last year, and now he's making the chain's offerings more like traditional tailoring. Only with places to put your wired accessories. [Esquire]