I have finally figured out what I want for Christmas, everyone.

If your daughter and her "bitchy little friends" fib about having a sleepover so they can "hang like little trollops" at an older guy's house, you should probably sell their One Direction tickets on eBay so they'll remember that their parents — who know all about lying, because "tricks like this on OUR parents is how…

A bride in the U.K. ordered the new tires wedding cake on the left and got that used tires monstrosity on the right. What to do? Sell that b on eBay!

Well, hello, fabulous Dita Von Teese and Dita Von Teese's fabulous French-Blue 1939 Packard.

After Nike temporarily pulled from its stores a New York Yankees t-shirt that celebrated the team's 1978 and 2006 routs of the Boston Red Sox — events Yankees fans call "the Boston Massacre" — the shirts started popping up on eBay. Nike was worried the shirts, which bear the words "Boston Massacre" spattered with…

Cecilia Giménez, the 80-year-old Spanish woman whose fresco restoration delighted/horrified the entire world, sold her first painting on eBay this week. You go, Cecilia Giménez.

The mad scientists at Cabbage Patch Kids have almost created the greatest election-year Halloween decorations ever — they have Cabbage Patch-ified President Barack Obama, First Lady Michelle Obama, Vice President Joe Biden, Some Guy Named Mitt Romney, and Some Other Guy Named Paul Ryan. The dolls are super unique…

Are you in the market for a husband, preferably one that is easily dazzled by shiny bits of metal/plastic? Are you also cold? If you answered, "Goddamn fucking right I am" to either of these questions, then you're in luck because there's still time to start a bidding war on a "Magic, Beaded, Husband-finding*, Sparkly…

Etsy isn't the only internet marketplace banning the sale of borderline-disturbing esoterica — eBay, the place where my best friend in eighth grade was able to buy a taser for fifteen American dollars, has announced in its 2012 Fall Seller Update that it will ban the sale of all magic potions, spells and enchantments,…

Unless you want to end up paying more.

When J.D. Salinger scribbled a note to his maid in 1989, he had no way of knowing that some day it would be worth about $1,600 a word. A Nevada-based company is selling the nearly-illegible note on eBay for $50,000. It reads:

Are you tired of traditional therapy — sick of talking over your problems with a stranger who doesn't know you and takes your money? Well, what about a stranger who doesn't know you and takes your money — but also takes off her clothes? Meet naked therapist Sarah White.

After two little boys used the family bathtub as a "battle arena" for Beyblades, a spinning top toy, their mom had to get the tub resurfaced. As punishment, the mom decided to sell their Beyblades on eBay and use the proceeds, plus the money in their piggy banks, to pay for the $500 repairs. It sounds pretty harsh…

• Model Coco Rocha unearthed and published the Steven Meisel photograph that Anna Wintour famously killed from Grace Coddington's 1920s-themed spread in The September Issue — previously only glimpsed ever-so-fleetingly in the movie. So this is it. It's purty. [OhSoCoco]

• To further her plan for wold domination, Snooki — author, slipper-wearer, and cultural touchstone to millions — will soon be pimping a slew of licensed products, including jewelry (a NYE ball necklace!), clothing, and sunglasses. [NYPost]

Ginger Littleton has put the purse she used while trying to disarm Clay Duke, who opened fire at a Florida school board meeting before killing himself, on eBay. The current bid is $10,200, and proceeds will go to charity.

• Stella McCartney, who gave birth last week, just announced the baby's a girl. She and her husband, Alasdhair Willis, named their youngest daughter Reiley. [Evening Standard]
• And Nina Garcia just gave birth to a son named Alexander David Conrod. [@ninagarcia]

• Victoria's Secret model and dater-of-Cristiano-Ronaldo Irina Shayk is suing Spanish GQ magazine after it digitally removed in post-production the underwear that she wore for the shoot, and then printed the resulting "nude" photos. [Daily Mail]

In theory, we're all about eBay rebranding itself as a hot shopping destination. In reality, it's kind of like having a stylist hanging around in the middle of a Salvation Army.