• Lindsay Lohan will host concerts coinciding with the Singapore Grand Prix this weekend because Nicole Scherzinger had to cancel. Linds says she's qualified because, "I studied NASCAR for almost a year for Herbie. It was very hot inside those cars..."

• She adds: "I like to drive. I like cars. I like fast cars." When asked about the rumors that she knows Nicholas Prugo, the man arrested for burglarizing her apartment, Lindsay said, "I don't really want to get into the details of that. That's for the detectives to do."[AP]
• Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim Cattrall are feuding on the set of SATC 2 and refusing to speak to each other. "While the cast is all smiles on the outside, the level of dislike is unbelievable. No-one is having a good time on this shoot," says an insider. "The crew have taken to calling her ‘Carrie Sadshaw'. When she doesn't have to be ‘on' in her scenes, she looks so sad." [Ok]
• "I have great balance and co-ordination," says John Mayer. "Inventiveness. I am a very inventive lover - that's the secret to my success." [The Sun]
• Clive Owen says his new film about fatherhood, The Boys Are Back, is "A different kind of film... Parenting's a big part of my life, so it felt very natural to me." [Style.com]
• Last weekend David Hasselhoff's 17-year-old daughter Hayley called an ambulance because she believed he had alcohol poisoning. He patched thinkgs up by taking her to a lingerie launch party at a sex shop last night. [TMZ]
• In his tell-all memoir Behind the Bell Dustin Diamond claims his Saved By The Bell castmates smoked pot and hooked up. He claims Mark Paul Gosselaar used steroids and "suddenly exploded with manliness, loading 25 pounds of muscle on his once-scrawny frame in, oh, about a month." Gosselaar dismissed the allegations, joking: "We weren't in rehab and Mr. Belding wasn't my crack dealer." [Us]
• MTV will probably air DJ AM's drug-intervention reality show Gone Too Far. A final decision hasn't been made but sources say the network has been talking to his family about airing the show. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Pamela Anderson owes creditors more that $1.2 million after failing to pay various contractors who remodeled her Malibu home last year. [Star]
• Khloe Kardashian met her fiance Lamar Odom on August 27th when she hosted a party at a bar for new Laker Ron Artest and he picked up the $3,000 tab for unknown reasons. [TMZ]
• Today Kirsten Dunst testified against a man charged with stealing her $2,000 Balenciaga bag and $2,000 from a New York City hotel suite while she was on a movie set in August 2007. [AP]
• An arrest warrant has been issued for Randy Quaid and his wife Evi. They have been under investigation for the past week for allegedly stiffing the San Ysidro ranch hotel after running up a $10,000 bill. [Radar Online]
• They are expected to be charged with three felony counts each: Defrauding an innkeeper, conspiracy, and burglary. Bail will be set at $20,000. Sources say they also owe the Hotel Bel-Air $17,000 and stole a Hertz Rent-A-Car. [Radar Online]
• Randy and Evi Quaid were arrested this afternoon. Sources say there was a struggle and Evi had to be wrestled to the ground. [TMZ]
• In his upcoming memoir The Time of My Life, Patrick Swayze reveals that when he first read the script for Dirty Dancing he thought "It seemed fluffy - nothing more than a summer-camp movie." [AP]
• Ashlee Simpson says she's excited that Heather Locklear is guest starring on the new Melrose Place. "We're all really thrilled that Heather is coming back!" she said. "Of course we are - she was kind of the heart of the show. It's been great to have a lot of the original cast, and to have Heather join is really incredible. I'm excited!" [People]
• Sacha Baron Cohen will play a "pretty angry but funny" Israeli tour guide on an episode of The Simpsons that will probably air in March. [News.com.au]
• Whitney Port said MTV is letting her work on her fashion line and have a fashion show on The City while they always made Lauren Conrad hide her real life on The Hills because, "They saw how passionate I was about designing my clothing line and I really told them, 'This is what I want to do - I don't want to work in public relations and what I want to do is design. So please allow me to do this and please show my reality.'" [N.Y. Magazine]
• When Vampire Diaries star Ian Somerhalder was asked if he's worried audiences are suffering from vampire fatigue he said, "Yes. Yes. Yes. But - there is a but - and I think that is that Twilight is a feature, a big franchise. True Blood is HBO. Vampire Diaries is prime-time network. They're all so different as far as their medium. When you're a young teen, you can't sit in a room with your mom and watch True Blood - it would be very uncomfortable for everyone involved. And Twilight you get once a year. This show is every week, and it's fun, it's smart, it's sexy, it's witty, and it's now - and those characteristics slip perfectly into this crazy sort of vampire jigsaw puzzle we all find ourselves looking at. [N.Y. Magazine]
• Is Variety editor Peter Bart trying to stir up a girl fight between Jane Campion and Kathryn Bigelow? The Women & Hollywood blogs asks if this is how he's describe two male directors: "Jane Campion, 55, made a quintessentially romantic picture in Bright Star, but in person she is cerebral, somewhat severe, leans toward post-hippie attire and seems perplexed by the rigors of the award circuit. Kathryn Bigelow, 57, is tall, model thin, a one-time art student whose gracious manner belies her proclivity for tense, even violent films – The Hurt Locker is her contender." [Women & Hollywood]
• Stephen Moyer says when he marries Anna Paquin his dog "Splash, my alpha, will be the ringbearer... My son [Billy, born in 2000] might be unhappy about that." [People]
• Gerard Butler says of his Ugly Truth co-star Katherine Heigl adopting, "She will be an amazing mom... She's incredibly responsible, smart and loving. This is a huge deal for her and she's going to take to it like a duck to water." [People]
• Last night Leonard Cohen performed in Israel for the first time in 30 years. Some Palestinian activists were calling for a boycott of the show. His manager said, "There are a lot of people who don't want us here, and anything done here invites controversy, but we believe freedom of speech is very, very important." [AP]
• Mary J. Blige, who has an adult daughter and two step-children says, "I don't think I'll do foster care or adopt, to be quite honest," at a New York event honoring her for her work with New Yorkers for Children. "I barely have time for my own children. To adopt more children and not have time for them, that [would be] poor parenting on my [part]." [People]
• Drew Barrymore says of her mother, "I believe she will see the film [Whip It]. I believe she does feel pride in me. I used to pull a lot emotionally from all the stuff with my family, but I did not do this movie to cleanse myself of the mother/daughter debacle that happened in my life. I have been much more objective about my childhood and my relationship with my mother in these last few years. I used to be more attached to all that. I won't deny that the baggage was there at one point." [Just Jared]
• "Some days I want nothing more than a brilliant mask so I could look like someone else and go wander the streets and be free," says Drew Barrymore. "I'm very peeved that Halloween only comes once a year." [CNN]
• Rich Sommer, who plays Harry Crane on Mad Men says of last week's episode [spoilers ahead], "When I got the script, I read that foot scene, and I thought it was kind of crazy, and I couldn't really see how it fit in. So I was surprised at how well the episode turned out. I was a little nervous about that scene. For the past few weeks, the writers and the editors have been saying, 'Oh my God, just wait until the lawnmower episode - it's unbelievable! It's unbelievable, it's a great episode,' and I was just like, "Oh, great! Good.' And then I saw it and I was like, "Wow! It is a really good episode." [N.Y. Magazine]

• After partying at a local bar, Jon Gosselin reportedly brought a 23-year-old cocktail waitress back to his apartment over the garage of his Pennsylvania home. She left the next morning wearing the same outfit. Jon claims she's just the babysitter.

• Bonus fun fact: According to Stephanie Santoro's online resume, she's willing to pose nude. [Radar Online]
• About 4 million people tuned in to the two new episodes of Jon and Kate Plus 8 last night. That's a considerable jump from last season, but the numbers still don't compare to the divorce announcement episode. [Radar Online]
• Rihanna won't be in court tomorrow when Chris Brown is formally sentenced, but her lawyer says, "I'm going to be requesting a level one protective order not to annoy, molest, or harass my client. This would be a step down from current order in which Brown must stay 50 yards away from my client." [Radar Online]
• Attorneys for Dr. Arnold Klein released a statement explaining why they asked to present evidence in custody hearing about Michael Jackson's kids. They say: "Dr. Klein is not objecting to Katherine Jackson being the guardian nominee, but was acting on promises he made to Michael with respect to assuring the long term health and stability of the children... Dr. Klein has always had a special relationship with Paris Katherine and Prince Michael, loves and cares deeply for these children and is looking out for their best interest. Dr. Klein has been involved with the children in sharing holidays and other special events and wishes to have the ability to continue his involvement as a very close friend of their father and offers his guidance and protection forever." [Business Wire]
• Kathy Hilton, mother of Paris and Nicky Hilton, says she's still upset about the death of her friend Michael Jackson and adds, "I adore Mrs. Jackson. Katherine is the rock. It is like Camp Jackson, all of those kids. All the aunts, the uncles, the children come there. She plays Scrabble with them. She loves it. I think that's what keeps her really young."[UPI]
• The rumor that Jessica Simpson and John Mayer went on a dinner date isn't exactly true. "John was in the studio, which is near Katsuya [where Jess was dining], that night," explains a source. "And like he does most nights - like he did again on Sunday night - he went by Katsuya when he took a break from a 12-hour day in the studio." John, who is friends with Pete Wentz, just came by and said hello to Ashlee Simpson, who was dining with her sister. [Ok]
• People claims John Mayer actually showed up at the restaurant on Sunday night for a boys night while Jessica Simpson was there on Saturday. [People]
• Jessica Simpson is on the new cover of Glamour. She says, "[My ex] Tony said, ‘Jessica, at the end of your life, the only thing that's going to flash through your mind and heart is your husband, kids, family and the people you love. You're not going to think, I wish I'd done this with my career. And I'm not going to remember how many touchdown passes I threw or if I won the Super Bowl.' Music is the heart of who I am, and it's the most personal thing that I do." But adds, "I'm never going to be a woman who doesn't work. At 12 I was emancipated from my parents so I could sign my first record deal. I think I was born working!" [Just Jared]
• Ashton Kutcher, who produces The Beautiful Life, says Mischa Barton "was never unavailable for a day of work...Mischa's in New York working today. The great thing about Mischa for this show is we have a lot of young cast. She's done it before. On The O.C. she was one of the leads in this big soap opera." [E!]
• More Ashton Kutcher on Demi Moore: "She becomes more beautiful to me by the minute, and I don't know what it is. She's got the magic thing." [People]
• Producers of the new Melrose Place are still trying to get Heather Locklear to join the cast. [L.A. Times]
• A woman has filed a lawsuit claiming that when she asked Method Man for an autograph after a show he "pulled out an air gun and ... began firing pellets." She says she was hit at least six times. [TMZ]
• Lady Gaga says of hissing Alexander Karsgard in her Paparazzi video, "Movie kisses are real kisses. I don't know how other people do but we were kissing for real." [Perez Hilton]
• The MTV Video Music Award nominations are out. Beyonce and Lady Gaga tied for the most with nine each, and Britney Spears got seven. [E!]
• Beyonce, Britney, and Lady Gaga will compete against each other for video of the year: "Single Ladies," "Poker Face," and "Womanizer" are all nominated. [Reuters]
• Kate Moss may be the host of Simon Cowell's next U.K. show So You Want To Be A Rock 'N' Roll Star. [People]
• Naomi Campbell grabbed a mic out of Jennifer Lopez's hand a club in Capri, Italy and belted out songs badly as Marc Anthony, and Stefano Gabbana looked on. [The Sun]
• Courtney Love claims she never harassed Taylor Momsen via Twitter. "Oh, I would NEVER pick on a little girl! No, no, no. Somebody fucking - I would never Twit THAT," she saids. "It didn't make sense to me. I would never pick on a child. That's stupid." [New York Magazine]
• Courtney Love pulled a male New York Magazine reporter into the ladies room so he could interview her while she took a smoke break during the premiere of the documentary It Might Get Loud, saying "Who's gonna stop me?" [N.Y. Magazine]
• Kelly Rutherford settled her custody fight with Daniel Giersch. They will both temporarily relocate to New York while she films Gossip Girl and will share custody. [TMZ]
• Lauren Conrad and Kim Kardashian will be guest judges on the next season of America's Next Top Model. [E!]
• Lisa Rinna has another book due out next summer described as "the adult version of L.A. Candy." She says, "I have no problem being honest and open as we all know, so imagine when I can set it in this kind of a book! Everybody better watch out!" [Entertainment Weekly]
• Shanna Moakler has responded to Travis Barker's claim that she lets their kids spend time with her uncle, a convicted child molester, saying, "First and foremost, I don't have a uncle, second, I would NEVER endanger the lives of my children. I find making public spectacles humiliating not just for our children but for our entire families. It should be known I have physical custody of my children... As much as I enjoy social networks I do not find them a stage for personal matters nor do I find threats of any kind acceptable."[Perez Hilton]
• Travis Barker sent Perez Hilton this email: "Man, watch who you call stupid on your website!!!!!!!!! Shanna's uncle is a fucking molester and won't sign papers keeping my kids awsay from them. Unless i get a reply back from you stay away from and keep my name out your mouth. Calling me stupid is not brightest idea." [Perez Hilton]
• Dustin Diamond was paid $2,000 for a doing standup at a small town pizza parlor. He mostly made fun of his Saved By The Bell castmates. [TMZ]
• Bethenny Frankel says of the next season of RHONY, "I think everyone's coming back. That's just my gut." As for nemesis Kelly Bensimon signing on early, she says, "I mean, she jumped in the water first because she kind of wanted to resurrect her horrendous reputation. Which, you know, good luck with that. So, yeah. That happened." [N.Y. Magazine]
• Brooklyn set designer Michael Myers has filed a lawsuit against What Not To Wear production designer Michael Venedicto because he says he's owed $50,000. [N.Y. Post]
• Heidi Klum explains how she lost her baby wight just two months after giving birth to her son Henry: "I've never really had any special girdle machines or anything like that," she said. "For me, it's, you know, really healthy foods, exercising, playing with the children, going to the park. Normal things.... I've never done diets, but I also do not sit on the couch with my feet up and eat one potato chip bag after the next and one burger after the other. I think you have to kind of do a little bit of everything." [USA Today]
• When asked who she would want to roast, Joan Rivers first replied Michael Jackson, then changed her answer to Brooke Shields, saying her speech at his memorial was less about remembering her friend and more about getting some "face time," since Brooke hadn't seen Michael since the early 1990s. [TMZ]
• Joan Rivers says of her plastic surgery guide Men Are Stupid And Like Big Boobs, "I did a lot of research for it. I haven't had as much as everyone thinks. You have to know how much to do and when to do it. I recommend doing a little bit at a time, otherwise you look like you've been through a wind tunnel. Robert Redford looks like he's in the Witness Protection Program. He could actually kill a man and get away with it now." [AP]

• Lindsay Lohan is on the cover of Elle UK — the shoot where jewelry went missing! — and here's what Editor-in-Chief Lorraine Candy writes in her Editor's letter:

"Lindsay Lohan wrote me a note during this month's cover shoot. It read, 'Let's do it again some time.' I've put it on my office wall because, in all honesty, I don't know if I could. This was the most unpredictable, and confusing cover shoot in my magazine career. First, Lindsay was about to arrive. Then she was in Paris. She was almost on set, then she disappeared into her hotel room. She was ready for her interview, then she had to have a fake tan! But we got there. And what we got was amazing. This shoot is truly original, just like Ms Lohan herself. In the end, she did her job brilliantly and, I hope you'll agree, so did we." Here's video from behind-the-scenes at the shoot [Elle TV]

• Chris Brown will be sentenced on Wednesday and appear on Larry King Live afterward: He'll apologize for assaulting Rihanna on TV. [Radar Online]
• Was Chris Brown forcibly removed from an upscale bowling alley in NYC last week for "partying too much"? [Fox 411]
• Take note: Tom Cruise is David and Victoria Beckham's "relationship guru." [Daily Express]
• "David Beckham is to star alongside Arnold Schwarzenegger in TV ads promoting California to tourists." [The Sun]
• Ryan O'Neal says of Farrah Fawcett's funeral: "I had just put the casket in the hearse and I was watching it drive away when a beautiful blonde woman comes up and embraces me. I said to her, 'You have a drink on you? You have a car?' She replied, 'Daddy, it's me - Tatum!' I was just trying to be funny with a strange Swedish woman, and it's my daughter. It's so sick." Tatum O'Neal says: "That's our relationship in a nutshell. You make of it what you will." [The Sun]
• Vanity Fair produced two different covers for its September issue: Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett. These deaths bumped a scheduled Mad Men cover, so now the actors from the show will be inside. Boo. [WWD]
• This paper spoke with the grandmother of the Samantha Burke, woman that Jude Law got pregnant. Delores Burke, 80, says: "What I want to know is how a girl gets pregnant in this day and age? Yes, it takes two people but he is the older and wiser man and he should have made sure nothing like this happened. I'm mad at him, we all are. He has other children. Didn't he think about how his actions would affect them?" [Daily Mail]
• "Samantha, her mom, and her family can affirm that Jude has been responsive and supportive throughout the relationship and pregnancy, and know that he will remain so as a father once Baby Sophia is born." [People]
• Video of Samantha Burke talking to the media at the link. TMZ]
• Apparently Samantha barely had any boyfriends, hence the headline: Prude Until Jude. [The Sun]
• A source says: "Jude sleeps with so many different women. A lot of names were going around as to who the mother of his baby could be." [Page Six]
• Jude's ex, Sadie Frost, is the oldest of 10 half brothers and sisters and mother of four kids from two marriages, so she's "understanding" and wants her kids with Jude to meet the new child. [Mirror]
• Jude Law allegedly told Sadie Frost that he only slept with Samantha Burke once, after a drunken party. [Daily Mail]
• Jessica Biel sings! She's playing Sarah Brown in Guys and Dolls at the Hollywood Bowl, and says she would love to to go Broadway: "That is one of my eight-year-old dreams. That's like my little eight-year-old inside me is cartwheeling around, thinking about that idea." [AP]
• Mariah Carey's new CD will have ads. Actually, the CD booklet will be a 34-page mini magazine in co-production with Elle… with ads from Elizabeth Arden, Angel Champagne, Carmen Steffens, Le Métier de Beauté and the Bahamas Board of Tourism. [BrandWeek]
• Paris Hilton's estranged manager Jason Moore is hopping a book about how he molded this blond piece of clay into a global icon." [Rush & Molloy]
• Dr. Conrad Murray was getting $150,000 a month to be Michael Jackson's personal physician. But many of his previous patients were low-income. "There are many, many patients that thank God this man was here for them," says one. One patient said Murray performed angioplasty on him three years ago without ever being guaranteed he would be paid. [CNN]
• If you have $30 million or so, you can big on the Andy Warhol portrait of Michael Jackson, going up for auction soon. [BBC News]
• Jon & Kate Plus 8 will not become Jon & Kate Plus Dates. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Leslie Mann says her husband Judd Apatow gives her anecdotes to tell while she's promoting new film Funny People: "He has trained me to be ultra-prepared, to have five stories ready to go. He gives what I say a beginning, a middle, and an end. Whereas I'd just barf it out," she says. "It's really lazy of me to depend on him to make me sound sensible, but so what? I'm lazy." [The New Yorker]
• Milla Jovovich: Getting hitched for the third time; filmmaker Paul W.S. Anderson is her fiancé. [Daily Mail]
• Tilda Swinton and 40 other people are pulling a film screen through the Scottish Highlands "on an eight and a half day odyssey through the mountains, camping each night in a different village." [Guardian]
• In this interview, Diane Kruger says she is a "country girl" and "definitely not sophisticated." The reporter writes: "What utter hogwash! Kruger spent most of her childhood summers on a scholarship to the Royal Ballet School in London, then five years as a top-drawer international model, based in Paris, before becoming a film actress." [Times of London]
• Liev Schreiber says kids make you youthful: "I'm older physically, but spiritually much younger." [People]
• Kate Middleton, aka Prince William's girlfriend, has had a series of meetings with Sir Richard Branson, in an effort to "sharpen her business acumen." [Daily Mail]
• Editors at British magazine Pride are apologizing for manipulating comments made by Nia Long, which made it seem like she was ranting about Beyoncé's acting skills. [Daily Express]
• Liza Minnelli will not be on Ugly Betty, but she will be on Drop Dead Diva. [AP]
• Whoops! Emile Hirsch and an Emile Hirsch impostor both attended the same party. [Page Six]
• Eric Bana is hot and talking about his attraction to cars. [Daily Mail]
• Sienna Miller on GI Joe: "If these films are well done I can find them quite entertaining. But…I prefer indie, arty films really. It's not the kind of film I'd normally go and see." [Guardian]
• In addition, Sienna's GI Joe wig cost cost £4,800. [Telegraph]
• Carey Hart says he and Pink are going to have a baby… Eventually. "She still has another 18 months of touring, and I'm pretty heavy in competing again in all my businesses, so it's definitely going to happen, but just not anytime soon." [E!]
• Q: A character with special needs or a prostitute-those are usually the two paths to Oscar. Had you considered that? Hugh Dancy: "I genuinely didn't. But now that you've said that, if it doesn't work out for me with Adam, I'll play a hooker next. There was the worry that if we didn't pull this off, I would look doubly exposed. Like, 'Really? You thought that was going to work? Better luck next time! There's this great prostitute movie coming out-maybe you should give that a shot.'" [BlackBook]
• Kevin Costner and his band were set to perform in Canada when suddenly the stage collapsed. One person died and at least 60 people were injured, including 2 members of Costner's band. [TMZ]
• Funny interview with Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter, at the link. [BlackBook]
• Sheree from The Real Housewives Of Atlanta seems psyched that she was the number one trending topic on Twitter last week after her "Who's gonna check me, boo?" argument. She says: "You don't want to be on the wrong side of Sheree. You really don't. I tell them all the time, 'Don't let the cute face fool you!'" [E!]
• He's done Ali G, Borat and Brüno.What will Sacha Baron Cohen do next? How about a Eurovision music mockumentary? [The Sun]
• Kathleen Turner spills about living the last 17 years with the pain of rheumatoid arthritis, taking steroids which made her puffy and bloated and then turning to vodka to kill the pain — and becoming a drunk. [Daily Mail]
• Omarosa will be on TV One in a new series called Life After. [WaPo]
• "In Cold Souls, opening Friday in limited release, the actor Paul Giamatti plays an actor named…Paul Giamatti." [LA Times]
  
• Billy Joel is "distraught" over his breakup with Katie Lee Joel and "obsessed" with getting her back. [Page Six]
• People you may or may not have hear of had a kid: "Survivor & Amazing Race's Rob and Amber Become Parents." [People]
• Hollywood is out of ideas, part MCDXLIV: Steven Spielberg will direct a remake of Harvey, about a man and his friendship with an invisible six-foot tall rabbit. The original flick was released in 1950 and starred James Stewart. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Will Ferrell has left the film project Neighborhood Watch. [Variety]
• Dustin "Screech"Diamond: purposely excluded from the Saved By The Bell reunion by his castmates. [NY Daily News]
• Whatshername will celebrate her divorce with a televised "party extravaganza." [The Sun]
• Whatshername is on "yet another" holiday, and her cagefighter boyfriend is with her. [Daily Mail]
• Whatshisname has been crying himself to sleep and wishes he were stronger. [Mirror]
• "They did try to submit in the comedy category in the '90s and suffered from doing it in an era of juggernaut comedies like Friends and Seinfeld and Cheers and whatnot. And The Simpsons was as well written, if not more so, as any of those — but suffered from the prejudice against the medium. So I think perhaps in reparation for that, they should give them an honorary achievement Emmy." — Seth MacFarlane. [LA Times]
• "At 21 I married Luc Besson and we bought a beautiful 13-room chateau in Normandy. I was totally happy, drinking wine, walking in the forests and riding horses in the beautiful farmland. It didn't work because he was so much older. I was young and staying up late, playing the guitar and hanging out with my friends. He was the early riser who went to sleep early. He expected me to be the perfect wife, which was natural - the hostess entertaining his friends. But I was like, 'Aaaargh! I don't even like those people.' It's too bad it didn't work because he was an incredible person and I was an incredible girl, but the timing wasn't right." — Milla Jovovich. [Daily Mail]
• "I think Hillary Clinton is one of the most amazing women of this time. I don't know her and I don't know — should I call her? I'm sure she's busy. But I know they know this movie's being made. And I just want to call and say: Do you have any thoughts or feelings I should be aware of? Of course I can't make that call. I feel like saying, 'I'm going to play you in this movie and I have a lot of respect for you and is there anything you want me to say?'" — Hope Davis. [LA Times]
• "Whatever I say, I get myself into trouble." — Sienna Miller. [Guardian]
• "When I'm not working, I feel like a Ferrari in the garage. You have all this potential and you just want to break out." — Glenn Close. [LA Times]
• "I would talk my wacky language to him and he'd interpret it to the drummer. I'd say, 'I want it to sound like Zeus woke up from a nap and he's pissed and there's an opening in the clouds and he starts handing out lightning bolts,' which is crazy, but that's how I hear the rhythm. And Omar, he whispers some things to the drummer, and that's exactly what it sounds like. It really encouraged the songwriter within me." — Juliette Lewis, on recording her band's new album, produced by The Mars Volta's Omar Rodriguez-Lopez. [Reuters]
• "I have a theory that people feel as attractive as they did as a child. I was a really hideous child. People who were attractive as children have a sense of entitlement. I have a sense of awkwardness." — Kate Beckinsale. [Times of London]
• "Troy launched me but it launched me as the face that launched a thousand ships and not as an actress. I want roles where I have to expose my soul." — Diane Kruger. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "I have never come across a female character that is written with Blanche's level of complexity, in that she's vulnerable, she's pathetic, she's a monster, she's nasty, she's tender, she's kind – she's so many things that you never know quite what she's going to do next. I've never come across so rich a character before." — Rachel Weisz on being in A Streetcar Named Desire in London. [Telegraph]
• "My life has gotten more surreal in stair steps. from the blog to the book to the movie to 'Oh my God, Nora Ephron's directing it! Oh my God, Meryl Streep's in it!' So right now I'm at this sort of surreal-is-the-new-normal phase. I'm cool with it." — Julie Powell, whose blog became the movie Julie & Julia. [NY Daily News]
• "I'm so not the relationship go-to girl. But I'm much clearer about what a relationship is, which is why I will never marry again. Gabriel and I have a great partnership and a lovely daughter. But I once was stupid enough to say, in a previous relationship, 'I'm going to be with this person for ever,' and realized, as I grew, that I don't know if for ever is possible. Gabriel and I don't look at our relationship in terms of for ever, we look at it as right here today. And today means being the best people we can be, the best parents we can be. It's wonderful, but neither one of us feels the need to attach ourselves to each other for life – because it may not be that." — Halle Berry. [Daily Mail]
• "I hate alcoholics and AA. If you can't drink responsibly, don't drink at all. Don't go to meetings, whine about your character flaws and blame the fact that you are a sociopath on booze" — Roseanne Barr to Heeb. [Page Six]

• A source claims that Jude Law, who, as Dodai mentioned yesterday, is currently caught up in another scandal involving a 24-year-old model who is carrying his fourth child, gets into such situations because he's seeking validation about his looks. [DailyMail]

• "It's actually embarrassing how much validation Jude needs about his looks. He is constantly looking in the mirror at his bald patch and always needs to be told he looks okay," says a source, "We all laugh about how he will bed anyone young who flatters him. This particular affair is just another case of some woman saying how handsome he is. He simply can't resist." [DailyMail]
• Samantha Burke, the mother of Law's child, released a statement via her lawyers about her pregnancy yesterday: "Samantha, her mom, and her family can affirm that Jude has been responsive and supportive throughout the relationship and pregnancy, and know that he will remain so as a father once Baby Sophia is born." [People]
• Law is reportedly afraid that Burke will release intimate photographs she took while the couple were together during Law's time filming Sherlock Holmes in New York City: "Samantha was totally smitten with Jude and enjoyed photographing him hugely. It was a passionate fling and there was a real animal attraction," says a source, "He's been ashen with anxiety, especially because he's putting his loved ones through more stress." [DailyMail]
• "They are just really special creatures and highly evolved. To tell you the truth, I'm convinced I was a dolphin in another life and that's why I'm so attracted to them."-Drew Barrymore [ShowbizSpy]
• Jaime Pressly is engaged to lawyer Simran Singh. Pressly split from Eric Calvo, her former fiance and father of her 2-year-old son, Dezi, last November. [People]
• Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt are apparently back together. "They are definitely happy again," says a source. [USWeekly]
• Tim Burton doesn't understand why parents won't let their children see his films: "I don't know why adults keep fighting that," Burton says, "They keep fighting the fairy tales that have been told since the beginning of mankind. They're fighting Pinocchio. They forget what it's like to be kids. Kids like to be scared. Most great children's literature is politically incorrect, so I don't know why they can't get used to it by now." [DailyExpress]
• "People who project negativity ultimately are crying out for their own broken souls. Trying to save a hater is like trying to teach astrophysics to a wino! LOL Chuuuuch!" -Nick Cannon on Twitter, in response to Eminem's "diss track," about Mariah Carey [E!]
• "I went to a lot of therapy. I talked my head off and pounded enough pillows and confronted enough ghosts. I didn't avoid the feelings of what my childhood was. I went right into them and went as deeply as I could." She does seem remarkably free of anger or bitterness, at this point, at least. "I think people saw how hard it was for me. It's what makes me the artist that I am, it's my bag of sorrow, of human tragedy that I've lived through, and I go to this well every single time I create a character. But that no longer dictates my daily life."- Anne Heche on the difficult period she went through following her split from Ellen DeGeneres [NYTimes]
• When faced with paparazzi or swine flu, James Spader chose...swine flu? "I'm a bit phobic... I told him (the doctor), 'You should be shutting down the whole street!' So I go out, I flee the building, I'm standing outside and there are the paparazzi snapping photos and video. I can't go anywhere, there's no car, so I'm faced with that dilemma: the paparazzi or go back in the building with the swine flu. I went back in the building." [DailyExpress]
• "My problem with women is I love them all, really. If I see a woman who is sweet and innocent, I fall in love with her, I want to hug her and take care of her and all that lovely stuff. Then I see this sex-kitten type walking past me and I think, ‘Wow! That's my woman!' I appreciate women for all sorts of reasons and it can get complicated."- Gerard Butler on his "complicated" reasons for loving women. [ShowbizSpy]
• Salma Hayek is allegedly angry that Jennifer Aniston received an Emmy nomination for her stint on 30 Rock while Hayek didn't. "Salma was angry and swearing in Spanish when the news broke," says a source, "It's not that she isn't happy for Jen, but she feels her own work was as good if not better. They just gave Jen a nomination for the press. They should be ashamed!" [ShowbizSpy]
• When Ashton Kutcher was first starting out in Hollywood, he bought a ton of fake designer clothing to convince his family back home that he was doing well: "I was broke, really running out of money. I knew I had to go home for the holidays, but I couldn't expose the fact that it wasn't going well," Kutcher says, "So I bought my whole family these fake watches and fake Versace pants and fake anything I could find, like fake Calvin Klein T-shirts, so I could . . . show them how well I was doing even though I didn't have a place to live." [NYPost]
• Dustin "Screech Powers" Diamond currently owes $21,015.62 in unpaid taxes. Maybe he should start selling Screech's Secret Sauce? [TMZ]
• "Is "asks" even a word? If not, sorry 4 my layziness with grammar."- Jessica Simpson via Twitter. [ONTD]
• Renee Zellweger was spotted buying Yves Saint Laurent knockoffs. [PageSix]
• AskMen.com will be banning all Megan Fox news on August 4. ""You can have too much of a good thing," says editor James Bassil, "We're giving our readers a one-day reprieve from the woman we've been drowning in all summer." [TheSun]
• "Fucking redneck douchebaggery. Unmitigated douchebaggery. Why are they holding signs that say, 'Whatchoo talking about, Willis?' These people are called 'racially sensitive', what they should be called is racist, backward motherfuckers."-Janeane Garofalo on the Teabaggers. [Guardian]

• Joe Jackson says the rumors that Michael Jackson has a secret son, 25-year-old Omer Bhatti (not pictured!), are true. "I knew he had another son, yes I did," said Joe.

• He added: "He looks like a Jackson, he acts like a Jackson, he can dance like a Jackson…" When asked if Omer may become an entertainer Joe replies, "I don't know. I can't say that yet. Not until I see it happen," and gives a creepy laugh. Part of the News One interview is available here: [News One, E!]
• This morning on The Early Show, Katherine Jackson's lawyer announced that she will get custody of Michael Jackson's three kids and Debbie Rowe will have visitation rights. He added, "Mrs. Jackson is coping by continuing the business of love and serving as that rock for the family. She's the Rose Kennedy, the Coretta Scott King of the world's entertainment business, really. And she's coping by continuing to give love, and that's all she's ever done. Mrs. Jackson is gonna keep going strong and, with the love and support of her family, she'll be fine." [CBS News]
• When Jude Law announced that he's fathered the child of an anonymous woman yesterday, many speculated that it was Rachel McAdams' sister. Now several news outlets are reporting that it is indeed Kayleen McAdams. Kayleen is reportedly seven months pregnant and only told Jude recently. Rachel is said to be "pissed" about the situation. [Star]
• But Kayleen's rep denies she's having Jude's baby, saying "The story is completely false. She has never even met him." [Radar Online]
• A photographer has filed a police report because he claims Mel Gibson ripped his shirt after he got too close to him and pregnant fiancée Oksana Grigorieva. No charges have been filed. [E!]
• Police sources say their investigation revealed the photographer made up the story and that there is no way Mel Gibson could have reached the man because he was wedged in a booth behind his fiancée. Witnesses say he was asked to leave at least three times and his shirt wasnt' ripped when he left the club. [TMZ]
• Here's a picture of the man whose shirt Mel Gibson allegedly tore. The tear isn't as scary as the way the man's face was blurred with Photoshop. [TMZ]
• Though Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush denied infidelity was the cause of their split, both have been accused of cheating. A source says Reggie found incriminating texts from Kanye West on her phone. Now a "sexy Latino model in Miami" is claiming she had an affair with Reggie. She's threatening to sell her story to the highest bidding tabloid, so we expect to read all about her in Midweek Madness soon. [Radar Online]
• Here's video of Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush taken during their trip to Africa on behalf of Russell Simmons' Diamond Empowerment Fund right before they broke up. [People]
• A source claims that Mischa Barton was hospitalized because she tried to kill herself because she was fired from The Beautiful Life, but was later rehired. Her rep denies that she tried to commit suicide or was ever fired. [E!]
• Mischa Barton's Beautiful Life co-star Nico Tortorella says, "She's doing great, and is ready to work... Everybody wants to see her get better and I think she will. I'm here for her; I think we all are. She has good people fostering good situations." [The Mirror]
• Jon and Kate Plus 8 returns on Monday. TLC has revealed that Kate Gosselin will say about her kids, "It is not their fault that what has transpired has transpired... And it is my new attitude that I'm going to do things I've never done before. That is what has stemmed out of all of that — 'I can do.'" [Entertainment Tonight]
• Sources claim Kate Gosselin bought an apartment in Rockville, Md. to be closer to her (married) bodyguard Steve Neild. [CBS News]
• But now Kate's changed her mind and won't be moving to Rockville after all. [Radar Online]
• A source close to Kate explains, "She is not buying or renting in the area. Kate was having lunch there, and after spending a total of one hour in a restaurant that has condos for sale above it, a rumor began that somehow, suddenly, she was buying a condo there. She didn't even know there were apartments for sale there. It's totally false." [People]
• Oh no. Are Heidi and Specer Pratt expecting a child? This obviously staged photograph of Heidi holding baby clothes as Spencer rubs her belly says yes. [The Sun]
• Two Ohio police chiefs have been arrested for allegedly conspiring to break into the home of Sarah Jessica Parker's surrogate, along with a third man, the mayor of Bridgeport, Ohio's son. [TMZ]
• Katherine Dieckmann, director of Uma Thurman's new movie Motherhood says a cameo in which Jodie Foster is hounded by the paparazzi was inspired by Sarah Jessica Parker. "I would go to that playground all the time and poor Sarah Jessica Parker would come with her son and she would be harassed!" Dieckmann said. "She literally could not push her kid on the swing set without a picture being taken. I just saw a picture of [pregnant] Heidi Klum at that park. They come here and stalk people." [E!]
• Ashley Tisdale says of the paparazzi, "They're outside my house all the time. It's kind of annoying. Sometimes I'll go about my day by myself and there are 40-year-old men taking pictures of me and I don't know who they are. They should start wearing badges." [Reuters]
• Aliens In The Attic producer Barry Josephson says he wanted Ashley Tisdale to be in the movie because she's the "new generation Reese Witherspoon or Jennifer Aniston." Um... ok.[Reuters]
• Here's a video of Zac Efron bungee jumping. [People]
• Production of Jessica Simpson's reality show The Price of Beauty has to be rescheduled because of her split from Tony Romo. "The plan was to shoot most of it around Tony's football schedule so she could support him through the season," said a show staffer, "Now they're busy redoing the whole shooting schedule." [Us]
• Someone filmed a video of 19-year-old Kristen Stewart drinking a Heineken during an on-set party for The Runaways, then not buckling her seat belt as she drove away. The video has been taken down because her publicist says it was illegally shot on private property. [Perez Hilton]
• Nikki Reed has solved the mystery of why so many girls are in love with her Twilight co-star Robert Pattinson. "Rob is sort of feminine looking and I think young girls like boys that look like women," she said. [People]
• Heath Ledger's family stopped going to the movies after his death, but they broke their "movie fast" at a screening of Adam on Tuesday, which stars Ledger's childhood friend Kane Manera. [The Daily Express]
• Dominic Monaghan says he his newfound fame after Lord of the Rings "was hard - I had a tough year, I had a tough year and a half. Kind of too much drinking. Too many late nights hanging out with the wrong women - maybe the right women but at the wrong time. Kind of going off the rails a little bit. I think maybe I had to do that personally to get over the rollercoaster ride that Lord Of The Rings was." [The Daily Express]
• Foreigner is releasing a three disk set of new and classic songs exclusively at Wal-Mart. Mick Jones says the band made the deal with Wal-Mart because, "To me, the most important thing is that the band regains recognition again and proves in a way that it is a force. It's been around for 30 years, and there are few other bands that have been around for that long. I'd like to regain our position in that club." [AP]
• Paula Abdul is back in the U.S. after a trip to England. She still hasn't worked out her American Idol deal, the folks at Radar just wanted to let you know where she is. [Radar Online]
• Last weekend, Tim McGraw stopped during a performance and kicked a guy out because he was "being abusive" to a woman he was with. He told the crowd, "You don't treat a woman like that." [TMZ]
• Pink says of MTV's Video Music Awards, "Last year I got to jump out of a window at the VMAs in L.A. "This year I can't wait to blow the roof off Radio City in New York." [People]
• Courtney Love Tweeted: "@taylorxmomsen shut the FUCK up you overpriveliged bratty bitch that picked one every freak in high school mention my name again? BAM... if i was pissy about every chick that every bit me id be busy indeed your just annoyingly cloyingly wrong. WORKWITHYRHANDS." Too bad @taylorxmomsen doesn't exist. [N.Y. Magazine]
• On Friday Christina Aguilera's online radio channel on Clear Channel's "iheart radio" network will debut. It will feature "interviews, news, personal commentary from Aguilera as well as her favorite tunes." [AP]
• Jani Lane, lead singer of Warrant, will spend two days in jail after pleading no contest to DUI charges. [TMZ]
• This interview with Jeremy Piven may be slightly entertaining if you're into his new movie The Goods. [CNN]
• Amy Poehler will return to do Weekend Update on the first two episodes of Saturday Night Live next season. Really! [Entertainment Weekly]
• In a recent interview Leslie Mann said of husband Judd Apatow, "He's growing up and learning more about women so he's able to write better female parts," but then reconsidered and said of Katherine Heigl calling Knocked Up sexist, "I kind of don't know what she was talking about, I'm an actress reading scripts and I've seen what's out there and it's slim pickings. Judd does write great female parts." [CBS News]
• Ashton Kutcher autographed his own face for the new cover of Parade. Here's some more about how much he loves Demi Moore: "The real trick is putting yourself around people you admire. That's why I married my wife. I locked in the brightest light in the room. My wife and I have an agreement in our marriage, and part of that contract is that we are going to shine our lights on each other. … My relationship with Demi is so solid, thank God, and we're so communicative about the way that we're feeling, that we don't allow space to come between us." [JustJared]
• "I used to cry almost every night [when I was in high school]. My parents would say, 'Don't worry. College will be better!'... With high school, for many people, it's just a case of trying to keep breathing and getting through it. I'd have felt more like a normal teenager if I had a boyfriend. But I never did. And I didn't like any of the guys in school. In fact, they all seemed so simplistic that I really could not see myself dating any of them." — Lisa Kudrow [The Telegraph]
• Mark-Paul Gosselaar says he's not worried about Dustin Diamond writing a Saved By The Bell tell-all book because, "What is he going to say? We were banging groupies at 14? I can't wait to read his book, because I don't have a memory of a lot of the shows. Maybe it was because I was doing lines off of the audience members' asses. I'm sure he's going to write something crazy like that. The truth is─the reason why the show worked and why it's still on today─we were good people and good to each other. We were innocent, naive kids. We were not jaded. So him writing a book, I'm not really afraid of what he has to say. There are not too many skeletons in my closet." [Newsweek]
• Susan Sarandon's daughter Eva Amurri took three weeks of pole-dancing lessons for her role as a stripper on Californication. When asked if her mom approves, she replied: "My mom came to a strip class with me, actually. She had been so curious about it, and she tried a little bit. She was awesome." [NY Magazine]

I guess People offered the gang more money than they could get out of Late Night, but the magazine reportedly does briefly mention Fallon's reunion quest while still basically pretending the entire thing was its editors' own idea. But there is hope for Jimmy Fallon: the absence of Screech in People does bode well for an actual real full-on reunion on his show. And he has Mr. Belding, too!

And I'm not exactly sure why this exists, other than because of a desire on Tiffani's part to have her own viral video like her former co-star Mark Paul Gosselaar did when he appeared on Jimmy Fallon's show in character as Zack Morris from Saved By The Bell - but I'm a sucker for any Indigo Girls joke. And despite a little too much self-congratulation masked as self-parody (Funny Or Die's bread and butter these days), this does have its funny moments. Cat videos!: