Jezebel
critical mass
Posts Tagged “
Dumb
”
Start 'Em Young
It is generally agreed that tabloids and gossips have already crushed the self-esteem of every working actress by mocking their bodies, hairstyle, and clothing choices. Next up: Kids! Luckily, OK! magazine (cheaper than Us Weekly in every way) has finally begun judging the fashion choices of celebrity kids with its "Hollywood's Best Dressed Little Girls" feature. What other celebrity weekly is going to tell you that Marcia Cross' barely walking twins, Eden and Savannah, are a couple of fashion plates? Sure, they can barely form coherent sentences, let alone pick out outfits, but hell, let's really drive home the fact that, as celebrity children, they are always being judged. [OK! via Mollygood]
critical mass
clips
'Miss USA' Marketers: Watch This Pageant Cuz Pretty Chicks Are Idiots!
It's taken us a while to get around to this, but the new commercial for the Miss USA pageant — airing on NBC on April 11 — is sort of a mindfuck. Instead of sweeping previous embarrassing moments under the rug, NBC is embracing them and encouraging TV watchers to tune in because they might just see a beautiful woman slip and fall on her ass, or babble on about "the Iraq." Such as. Sure, they use the tagline, "Anything can happen — because it's live", but really, they're gleefully humiliating and mocking the girls who participate as well as their own damn programming. Correct me if I'm wrong. Clip above.
dumb studies
If Scott Baio And Liza Minnelli Had Great Sex, Is There Any Sense To Be Made Of The World?
Our friend John told us the other day that all men know, within five seconds whether they'd do a girl, whether they'd date her and whether they would want to meet her mom. And a new scientific study on German speed-daters from the University of Shit We Didn't Need The Scientific Method To Help Us With says he is basically right! Additionally, women tend to be "pickier," and less likely to pick mates based on superficial attractiveness, because at the end of the day, we womyn are looking for someone who won't leave us. Fascinating! And on any normal day, we'd be content to leave it at that. But we just read a partial transcript of reality TV phenomenon Scott Baio's recent interview with Howard Stern, which reminded us that such generalizations do not convey the full, rich story in all of its eye-opening nuance:Scott admitted that he'd banged "less attractive" chicks because it was his way of "giving back."More »
The housing market may be going to hell and the stock market is on shaky ground, but the Wall Street Journal has found pocket enjoying economic growth: the beer pong industry. Explains beer pong entrepreneur Adam Wasserman: "When you move into a new place, you need the basics: a TV, fridge and a beer-pong table." Our immediate reaction: Oh brother. At which point we realized our own brother still owns a beer pong table somewhere. (It is, after all, a game of skill, as Duncan Caroll, beer pong's answer to Anna Wintour, points out: "If they just wanted to get drunk, they would chug beers from the corner store.") Anyway, uh, better beer pong than "gray" rape? [WSJ]
maghag
'Cosmo' Attempts to Jump on Green Bandwagon, Misses
In its September issue, Cosmopolitan asks ubiquitous enviro-tard Danny Seo, author of Simply Green Living, to come up with "green" replacements for things like straws, which Seo advises one should replace with Twizzlers. "...just snip the ends, stick them into your beverage, and sip away," the magazine instructs. "Then devour 'em afterward—you won't leave any garbage behind." Except, of course, the Twizzlers package. And, you know, the magazine itself.
cultural devolution
'Teen Vogue' Introduces China To Sweatshop Free T-Shirts; We Add The Free Speech
The September issue of Teen Vogue celebrates what Time last week dubbed as China's rising "Me Generation" in a 10-page photo spread that could speak thousands upon thousands of words — if that was legal there! Sadly, the spread is almost completely devoid of text, so we consulted the Time piece, which basically goes to town quoting 23-year-olds saying shit like "I care about my rights when it comes to the quality of a waitress in a restaurant or a product I buy" — a real quote — and "I think all those students who protested on behalf of democracy at Tiananmen deserved to die for their stupidity" (a paraphrase). In honor, we attempt to caption the Teen Vogue spread in the imaginary words of model, Me Generation Member and apparent anorexic "Emma". Enjoy! More »
she really internalized that whole dumb 'act'
Expert: Paris Hilton Handwriting Conclusive Proof She Is A Retard
In times when security is tight and good information minimal, a team of crack experts can often divine truth from the tiniest clues. The Cold War had Kremlinologists, US Weekly has Dr. Marc Siegel, M.D., and Jezebel has Sheila Kurtz, MGA. She is president of a firm called Graphology, and she can read a LOT between the Paris Hilton's "slow-witted, methodical" lines.
More »
broadsides
Hillary Clinton's Got The X-Chromosome Factor In Her Favor
- Will women help elect the first female U.S. president? Female support for Hillary Clinton is propelling her to the top of the Democratic presidential heap. [Politico]
- More proof that men get dumb when they get horny: Almost 10% of men are downloading porn at work. [Telegraph]
- An Aussie study says that overweight, single women are more likely to raise children with weight issues. One question: Does 'single' mean not in a relationship? Or just 'unmarried'? [Babble]
- Pro-life wingnuts think that the ban of partial-birth abortion is a good thing because it will be replaced by more dangerous methods that are more likely to seriously injure the woman or make her sterile. [Feministe]
rag trade
Valentino Takes A Bow?
- Is Valentino over? About to celebrate his 75th birthday, there are rumors the designer may be stepping down and selling to a private owner. [Vogue UK]
